Skip to main content
search
Feb 20
Love0
woman crying with her hands clasped by her face

8 Ways to Express Your Grief

By Grief/Loss

After losing a loved one, it’s natural to want to avoid things that trigger your grief, like your loved one’s clothes, their favorite song, or a place that was special to the two of you. However, studies have shown that avoiding your grief can keep you from healing and lead to more serious issues, like complicated grief.

While allowing yourself time to heal is certainly important, it’s also necessary to let yourself feel those more negative emotions so you can continue on your grief journey. Instead of bottling up your feelings, find healthy ways to let yourself feel your grief.

While everyone expresses their grief differently, here are 8 ideas to get you started.

1. Write

woman in a green skirt with brown shoes writing in a notebook while sitting outside on grass

Writing, whether through journaling, blogging, or writing poetry, can be a great way to express your grief. Many people struggle to understand their emotions until they begin to write. A grief journal can be a great way to understand your grief better and see your progress along your grief journey. You could also write a letter to your loved one to say things you wish you could have told them.

However you choose to write, don’t focus too much on grammar or finding the perfect words. You don’t have to show anyone what you write, so immerse yourself the process and focus on being honest with yourself.

2. Talk

Two women having a conversation while drinking coffee at home

For many people, talking about emotions can be intimidating. Sometimes, it can be hard to put emotions into words, or you may be afraid that someone will judge you. That’s okay! You can start small. Try talking out loud about your grief when you’re on your own or visit your loved one’s grave and talk to them. If you have a friend or family member you trust who is willing to listen and support you, you can meet up with them for coffee or lunch to talk together.

If you don’t have a friend or family member you feel comfortable opening up to, you can also visit a grief therapist or join a grief support group. Getting help from a professional can be an excellent way to better understand and express your grief.

3. Cry

woman crying with her hands clasped by her face

After losing a loved one, many people feel pressured to stay strong. Maybe you feel like you need to support other family members who are grieving or act like nothing’s wrong at work, school, or social events. But crying isn’t a sign of weakness. In fact, crying can help balance your emotions and improve your mental well-being. Allowing yourself to cry can help you acknowledge your grief and begin to heal.

If you feel unable to cry, that’s okay, too! It may take time before you can express your grief in this way. You could also try watching a sad movie or listening to a song with lyrics that make you think of your loved one. But don’t pressure yourself too much.

4. Music

man listening to music with his eyes closed

Many people use music as a creative outlet, and it can also be a great tool for expressing your grief. Whether you write songs, play an instrument, or simply enjoy listening to music, you can find meaningful ways to express your emotions. You could compose a song about your loved one or play one of their favorite tunes on the piano. You can put together a playlist with their favorite artist or genre. If you enjoy dancing, you could create a dance to one of your loved one’s favorite songs. Music can help you express what words can’t, so however you choose to enjoy music, let the lyrics and rhythm move you.

5. Art & Creativity

older woman in a plaid shirt painting a canvas on a tabletop easel

Just as music can say what words can’t, art can help us express ourselves in unique ways. Art and creativity create opportunities for expression you may not find anywhere else. Maybe you have always loved painting or woodwork, or perhaps you want to try something new, like knitting or scrapbooking. You could choose to create something in honor of your loved one or use the creative process itself to help you release your emotions. Even something as simple as coloring can make room for your grief and help you feel your emotions while your hands are busy. Whether you keep your art private or share it with others, the act of creation can help you process, understand, and express your grief.

6. Exercise

older man hitting a punching bag at a gym as a workout

Grief can take its toll on your physical and mental health. While the last thing you may feel like doing is getting up and moving, exercise can help you in your grief journey – and help you express your grief. Whether you try yoga or stretching, participate in sports, or work on a more intense exercise regimen, incorporating movement into your day can help you relax, which may provide you with the release you need to let out your tears, frustration, or anger.

7. Get Outside

man wearing a white shirt breathing in deeply outside

When you’re grieving, sometimes you need a break from the pressures of everyday life. Spending time in nature is a great way to do that. Getting outside in the sun, seeing wildlife and plants, and breathing fresh air can give you the space to let yourself feel your grief. You could do something simple, like take a short walk, spend time in the garden, sit outside, or read a book on your patio. Or you could go for a hike or camping trip to immerse yourself in the outdoors. Whatever way you choose, take time to enjoy nature and allow yourself to let your guard down.

8. Participate in Remembrance Activities

person cupping their hands around a burning candle

Was there anything your loved one enjoyed doing? A hobby, a sport, or volunteer work? One way to express your grief is to do something that helps you feel close to your loved one. If your loved one enjoyed scrapbooking, you could make a page with photos of them. If they liked to play soccer, you can get friends to play a game at the local park.

Or you could do a more solemn activity in their memory, like lighting a candle or visiting their grave. By taking time to remember your loved one, you can express your grief and honor their amazing life.

As you continue along your grief journey, be patient with yourself. Everyone grieves differently, and what works for one person may not work for another. While expressing your grief and letting yourself feel it is important, give yourself time. You may not feel ready yet, but eventually, you’ll better understand your grief and grow more comfortable expressing it.

Feb 16
Love0
Man holding an open book

How to Personalize Readings at a Funeral

By Educational, Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Personalization, Planning Tools

The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can use readings to personalize a loved one’s final tribute and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.  

Open hardback book with blue spine

 First, Why Does Personalization Matter?  

“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.”  – Dr. Alan Wolfelt 

In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!  

A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about readings and their vital role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!  

Man holding an open book

How to Personalize Readings at a Funeral

Readings are a way to invite mourners to express their emotions while also honoring the unique spirit of the one who has died. They add a deeper dimension to the service and allow you to engage together through the power of words. Sometimes, the right words don’t come to mind, but a book, a poem, or a verse can express the heart much more eloquently.

1. Recite quotes from favorite books, plays, poems, movies, or TV shows

When using literary or entertainment sources to personalize a service, consider what your loved one enjoyed. Did they love Emily Dickinson poems? Read a few. Did they regularly quote Star Trek or The Princess Bride? Take those quotes and turn them into a tribute. Is there a poem that has always reminded you of your loved one? Read the poem and share how it reflects that special person’s life or personality.

2. Include select passages from an appropriate holy book

For loved ones who lived out a deep faith, consider including select passages from the holy book they cherished. When a loved one dies, those left behind to mourn sometimes have a crisis of faith. They search for meaning and ask questions like, “What is the meaning of life?” “Should I do things differently?” “What happens next?” Faith can bring comfort when things feel out of control. Plus, including religious quotations can honor and respect that aspect of your loved one’s life.

Person sitting outside, writing on a pad of paper

3. Share something you have written to honor a loved one

If you enjoy writing or feel inspired, consider putting your thoughts and feelings on paper. Whether you compose a letter, a poem, an essay, or a haiku, you can use your own words to honor a loved one’s memory. Of course, the topic of your composition is entirely up to you, but feel free to be creative. And don’t forget to have someone else review your work before you read it at the service. It’s always a good idea to have a second set of eyes on any written text – just in case.

4. Read excerpts of your loved one’s personal writing

On the flip side, was your lost loved one a writer? If it feels appropriate, consider sharing excerpts of their own words. This is a beautiful way to highlight their personality and the unique perspective they had about the world. Sometimes, when a person has a terminal illness, they may write their own obituary or a letter or a poem about their experience. These writings may also be meaningful to share at a personalized service.

Young woman sitting at a table at home, listening to music and writing

Questions to Help You Brainstorm

If poems, quotes, or other reading selections aren’t coming to mind already, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what kinds of readings you could include at a service.  

  • Did your loved one love any certain book, movie, poem, or TV show?
  • Were they known to quote anything regularly?
  • Did they have any favorite author, poet, or writer?
  • Were they a writer themselves – either personal or published?
  • Is there a literary or entertainment piece that always reminds you of them?

Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for selecting readings that will not only personalize the funeral but add special meaning as well. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.  

For additional inspiration, here are more articles on readings that may help: 

Feb 12
Love2

Sorting Through a Loved One’s Possessions

By AfterCare, Planning Tools

If you have lost a loved one, you may dread the day when you have to give away your loved one’s favorite shirt, well-loved books, or old golf balls. Possessions are tied to events and memories, and when you come across an item that was part of a loved one’s identity, you find yourself in a lose-lose situation: it hurts to keep it and it hurts to part with it.

But there are ways to make the sorting process more bearable. Sorting through a lost loved one’s belongings is never easy, but by developing a strategy, you can make it much more tolerable. Here are some tips that might provide you with some peace as you face this daunting task:

1. Develop a Game Plan

Man making a plan in a notebook

Start by giving yourself some structure. Diving into such a big project without a plan will leave you overwhelmed and exhausted. There are plenty of ways to create a game plan that works for you. Make a list of what needs to be done and organize your goals. Separate the items you need to clean into groups and move from group to group. Or you could designate each room as a separate job and have an individual strategy for each room.

2. Set Small Goals

Woman holding a notebook and pen and thinking about goals

After the loss of a loved one, cleaning can be physically and emotionally draining. For this reason, it’s important to pace yourself. Completing any task, big or small, can create a sense of satisfaction, so break one task into five and have five moments of victory! Be sure to take plenty of breaks between tasks. Or you can develop a reward system for yourself. You can grab a coffee after finishing a certain closet or take a TV break after finishing a room.

3. Sort as You Go

Clothes sorted into keep, donate, and discard stacks

You’ll cut down on a lot of excess time and energy if you sort the items into piles as you go. You may want to designate areas or boxes labeled “Keep,” “Donate,” “Give to a family member,” and “Throw away.” Then, you can place things in the appropriate areas. Sorting items while you’re cleaning will help you decide on a clear goal for each item and make the project more manageable.

4. Set a Quantity Limit

As you look over your loved one’s possessions, you may be tempted to keep too much. So, in addition to setting goals for completing your project, set goals for your ability to let go. You don’t have to get rid of everything; however, there is no way you can keep every item that has meaning to you. The best way to decide what to save is to write a short list of items ahead of time that you can’t imagine parting with and set specific limitations for each type of item you will keep.

5. Assess Each Item for Future Worth

Which items are the most meaningful to you? When you first look at your loved one’s possessions, everything seems important. And when you decide which items are most important, how do you know if your loved one would want you to keep them? Determining what to keep and what to part with can be extremely difficult. There are no fixed criteria to help you decide to hold on to item A and let go of item B. It’s ultimately up to you to decide. Remember your loved one’s connection to the possession and try to determine if you truly need to keep the object. If not, consider donating it.

6. Invite Friends to Help

younger woman supporting her mother

Going through your loved one’s possessions can be a daunting task. If you’re struggling to tackle the sorting process, you could invite close friends to help out. It’s essential to surround yourself with people who can provide emotional support. Your support system can help you make decisions, provide an extra set of hands, and encourage you when things get hard. If you decide this is a personal project you’d rather complete on your own, that’s fine, too. Still, consider planning time to be with others during breaks or right before or after sorting. Falling back on a support network can be extremely helpful when facing emotionally difficult tasks.

7. Find Peace with the Decisions that you Make

Sorting through your loved one’s belongings can put you in an emotionally vulnerable place and can lead to self-doubt. Remember: there is nothing to feel guilty about! Letting some things go is not an act of betrayal. On the contrary, it is a gift to your loved one, a tribute. Maintaining a healthy attitude is key. Know what you are doing is necessary, and view it as one more way to honor the person you love.

Cleaning out a loved one’s home or possessions after a loss can be stressful, so go easy on yourself. Remember the importance of what you are doing, and keep a positive mindset. Don’t rush through the project, and above all, leave no room for guilt. Love yourself just as you loved the person that you lost. Know that this is a challenging project and that your best effort is more than good enough.

Feb 12
Love0
Middle-aged husband and wife sitting on couch at home, reviewing documents together

5 Ways to Save Money When Funeral Planning

By Plan Ahead, Planning Tools No Comments

Across all businesses and industries, prices are going up. Gas prices, groceries, housing, transportation, manufacturing, and yes, even funeral costs. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, in 2021, the average cost of a funeral with a viewing and burial was $7,848 while the average cost of a funeral with cremation was around $6,971. In the coming years, these numbers will continue to increase, so the question is…is there a way to save money on a funeral?

Perhaps the most effective way to save money is to plan ahead for your funeral wishes. This is called “advance funeral planning” or “preplanning.” But before we talk about why preplanning is the best option, let’s discuss a few other avenues to consider when trying to save money on funeral expenses.

1. Choose a Preferred Funeral Home Partner

Two men in suits shaking hands

Funeral services and merchandise prices vary greatly even within the same general vicinity. Every funeral home is required by the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) Funeral Rule to present you with a complete price list upon request that is yours to keep. They must also give you price information over the phone if you ask for it. Do a little investigating before deciding on your funeral home of choice to find the right fit for you.

Some funeral homes offer package pricing, but make sure you understand what’s included in the package and what’s not. Also, consider the quality of the facilities and the staff when making a decision. The adage “You get what you pay for” is very true when choosing a funeral provider. Sometimes, spending a little more to receive better service, quality products, and attentive staff may be worth it.

2. Look into Veterans’ Burial Benefits

Next of kin receiving a folded flag during a veteran funeral

If you or your spouse is a veteran, you can save money on a funeral by applying for veterans’ burial benefits. If you meet the VA’s requirements, you (and your spouse) may be eligible to receive a free burial space at a state or national cemetery, a burial vault or grave liner, opening and closing of the grave, and a government-furnished headstone. These benefits can save you thousands of dollars in burial costs. To learn more, you can speak with a local funeral director or go directly to the Department of Veterans Affairs and speak with a Veteran Services Officer. You can also learn more by reading Veterans’ Burial Benefits FAQ.

3. Select Options that Fit into Your Budget

Dark wood casket with funeral spray resting on top

When you’re planning a funeral or memorial service, the funeral director is there to discuss your options and guide you through the planning process. But every decision is up to you. And if you are concerned about the cost, let your funeral director know. They will work closely with you to offer affordable options that meet your needs and fit your budget.

In general, cremation may save you the cost of a casket, full burial space, opening and closing of the grave, and a vault. However, you may still opt for a lower-cost cremation niche or burial in a cremation garden so that loved ones have a permanent memorial to visit after the death.

Another option that can offer some savings is a natural (or green) burial. Green burial options are not only easier on the environment, but they can also be easier on your wallet. Generally, green burial involves a biodegradable casket made of wood, bamboo, or wicker, no burial vault, and minimal or no embalming. However, green burial is not available everywhere, so ask your funeral director about the availability in your area.

Silver urn at a memorial service, man lightly touching the lid in remembrance

Keep in Mind, Sometimes Cutting Corners May Not Pay Off

Many families think that opting for a cremation with no service is their best option for saving money. It’s true that a direct cremation is probably the least expensive option, but you should also consider the emotional cost of not having a funeral or memorial service.

Nationally respected grief expert Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt believes that the funeral or memorial service is an essential part of the healing process. The funeral is a rite of passage, like a graduation or wedding ceremony. Skipping a loved one’s funeral or memorial ceremony can leave the bereaved feeling isolated and frustrated by unexpressed grief. If you are leaning toward cremation, be sure to allow an opportunity for friends and family to gather together. The experience will be a meaningful time of reflection and mutual support.

To learn more, take a moment to read Cremation and the Importance of Ceremony.

4. Do Some Things Yourself

Funeral program with red rose resting on top of it

There may be certain aspects of the funeral arrangements that you can do yourself or ask your social network to help you with.

For example, you may ask family members to bring potluck dishes to save on the cost of a caterer. If you want a tribute video, you may know someone who is good with video editing who can assist you. You could design and print your own programs. And if you want, you can even purchase a casket or urn online. Remember, anything you do on your own must be coordinated with the funeral home to ensure the best possible experience.

While you may want to do some things yourself, the funeral home staff is there to alleviate any or all of these burdens for you. Remember, your time is valuable, too.

5. Plan Ahead for Your Funeral Wishes

Middle-aged husband and wife sitting on couch at home, reviewing documents together

Finally, the best thing you can do to save money on funeral expenses is to plan ahead. If you are dealing with a death right now, this advice comes a little too late, but keep it in mind for the future. Once you’ve chosen your preferred funeral provider, ask to speak with a prearrangement specialist. Most funeral homes offer free advance funeral planning services, so take advantage of this opportunity to understand your options.

When planning ahead, it is much easier to stick to a budget and choose only the options you know you want. Planning ahead also prevents your family from paying for options you do not want! For everyone involved, it helps to make decisions with a cool, calm, and collected head rather than in a time of grief. On top of that, you can sign up for a prepaid funeral insurance policy, which can grow over the years and cover the cost of inflation.

Mature husband and wife sitting at home reviewing funeral options with funeral director

To learn more about advance funeral planning and prepaid funeral insurance policies, check out these resources:

As you can see, there are several different ways to save when planning a funeral. If you are planning a funeral or have a loved one who may pass away soon, be open with your funeral director about your financial situation. The vast majority of funeral directors deeply care about your needs and situation and will help you identify the options that work best for you. And if you aren’t currently planning a funeral, consider doing a little advance preparation. By doing so, you not only save money, but you also protect your family from future stress and worry.

Feb 09
Love0

5 Things You Didn’t Know You Could Do for a Funeral

By Educational, Meaningful Funerals

For many years, every funeral was pretty much the same – copy & paste – but times are changing! Today, most families and funeral homes are moving away from cookie-cutter funerals and toward personalization and modernization. What does that mean? It means that you have more options and more opportunities to honor a loved one’s life in a truly meaningful way. 

To give you a glimpse into the possibilities, let’s discuss 5 things you didn’t know you could do for a funeral. 

1. Choose Your Venue

Red rose between rocks on a sandy beach

Traditionally, funerals have taken place at the funeral home or in a place of worship. While you can still have the funeral at either of these places, you have even more options now. Funerals are now taking place at parks, local businesses, beaches, barns, golf courses, and many other places. If you prefer to have the service at the funeral home, do it! And if you’d rather choose a different venue entirely, talk with the funeral director about the possibilities in your area. 

2. Combine Traditional Elements with Cremation

Mourners at a funeral saying goodbye at the casket

Cremation has been considered the quick and easy option for a while. But really, there are a lot more choices than you’d think! You can still have the convenience of cremation while keeping traditional service elements. For example, you can have a service with the body present by using a rental casket (more info here). Then, after the service, the body is transported to the crematory instead of the cemetery. To learn more about your options, speak with a funeral director. 

3. Add Customized Personalization

White, horse-drawn funeral hearse

When you’re saying goodbye to someone you love, it’s important to say it in a personal and meaningful way. That’s why families and funeral homes are moving toward customizing funeral and memorial services. No two people are the same, so it makes sense that the final tribute to a life lived should also be unique. But what can you do to personalize a service?

There are so many options, but here are a few to get you thinking:

  • Place a loved one’s ashes in cremation jewelry or have them pressed into a diamond
  • Use a horse-drawn carriage, a motorcycle, or even a fire engine to escort the casket to the cemetery
  • Include personal items at the service, like paintings, books, photos, crocheted items, or woodworking projects
  • Ask guests to wear a specific color or to follow a theme based on the deceased’s interests
  • Cater food from a favorite restaurant or include favorite homemade dishes
  • Play the deceased’s favorite music (no matter the genre)

While the funeral director is there to guide you in planning a loved one’s final tribute, you make the decisions. Don’t be afraid to put your ideas out there and see what’s possible. 

4. Livestream the Service

Young man sitting at home, watching a livestream on his computer

With families often living far apart these days, there’s a greater need to use technology to bring families together. Today, many funeral homes offer livestreaming to the families they serve, which allows more people to attend the service than might have otherwise been possible. Whether friends and family live too far away, are sick, can’t get out of work, or something else, livestreaming allows people near and far to participate in a loved one’s final goodbye.

5. Plan the Funeral Online

Mature husband and wife sitting at table at home, planning online

Did you know that it’s possible to plan a funeral online? It is! There are now services available that allow you to plan and pay for a funeral entirely online. You simply create an account, review the funeral home’s options, and make your selections. These tools are not widely used at this time, but the technology does exist and is likely to grow in use in the coming years. Maybe someday it will come to a funeral home near you! 

As with any profession, funeral care continues to grow and change based on the needs of people – your needs. If you have feedback to offer a funeral home, don’t hesitate to drop a comment card or send an email. And if you had a stellar experience, leave a review on Google. 

In the years to come, even more new things will change within the funeral industry. But one thing will remain the same – their commitment to providing you with kind, compassionate, and knowledgeable service during a time of grief and loss. You can count on it!

 

Feb 02
Love0
Woman standing in front of a sunrise with her arms raised

Live Without Regrets: 7 Ways to Live Life to the Fullest

By Living Well

Have you ever wondered what you’ll think about at the end of your life? What memories will you think of? What will you regret? What changes can you make now to live a more meaningful life?

While there will always be things we regret, we can also take steps to make our lives more meaningful. By pondering the things people typically regret at the end of their lives, we can find common themes that show us ways to live a more fulfilling life.

When we put these ideas into practice, we learn how to live life to the fullest. Here are (in no particular order) seven practical steps you can take to live your life with purpose.

1. Prioritize your work-life balance

Stack of rocks that looks like a scale balancing

“Working too hard” is one of the top regrets of people at the end of their life. While there’s nothing wrong with hard work and ambition, overworking yourself will take its toll – physically, mentally, and emotionally. Whether your job is your passion or just a way to keep food on the table, balancing work and life can help you feel more rested, reduce stress, improve your performance at work, and boost your overall mental health.

Finding the balance between work and life can be challenging, but remember that work-life balance is an ongoing process. Some weeks, finding balance may be easy, while other weeks may require more thought and intentionality. But there are some small steps you can take to improve your work-life balance, like:

  • Saying no to extra work commitments
  • Using your time off and legally required breaks
  • Unplugging from devices for an hour at home
  • Doing things that help you rest

Work-life balance looks different for everyone, so find what works for you and helps your life feel more meaningful. Even small changes can make a significant impact.

2. Spend more time with loved ones

multigenerational family enjoying a meal together

Along the same lines, many people regret not spending more time with their loved ones. We often fall into the trap of thinking that our family and friends will always be there, but in reality, we only have a limited time with those we love. That’s why it’s so important to cherish time with family, whether with your parents, siblings, spouses, children, or friends who are your “found family.”

Plus, spending time with your loved ones can improve your mental health and help you cope with stress by providing a stronger support system. While spending quality time with your family may be difficult if everyone is busy with their own things, be intentional about carving out time together. Eat a meal together at least once a week. Do chores together while singing to your favorite music. Plan a tech-free family game night. Go to community events. Spend some time outdoors playing games or hiking.

Whatever you choose to do, intentionally set aside time together and prioritize it – try not to let anything interrupt your time. Both you and your family will benefit from your time together.

3. Don’t be afraid to take risks

Two people skydiving together

What holds you back from taking risks? Uncertainty? Fear of failure? While caution and restraint can be good, they can also keep you from exploring new opportunities. Our instinct is often to play it safe and stay in our comfort zone. But if you refuse to take risks, you miss out on many amazing things life has to offer.

Whether you try out skydiving or get up the courage to talk to your crush, getting comfortable taking risks can open up new opportunities and boost your confidence. If you find yourself struggling to take risks, start small. Try out a new hobby or compliment a stranger at the store. Don’t be afraid to ask for support and advice from someone you trust.

And remember that taking risks is different from making bad choices! Not all risks are worth taking, and don’t let anyone pressure you into taking a risk that may harm you or someone else. For a few more tips on assessing risk, visit this article.

4. Be yourself

Woman standing in front of a sunrise with her arms raised

How often do you worry about what other people think of you? In a world where we’re afraid to be judged, many people struggle to be themselves. From the outfits we wear to how we talk and the media we consume, it’s tempting to try to create a version of ourselves that we think people will like.

But you can’t please everyone, and the harder you try to, the more you lose sight of who you are and the more unfulfilled you’ll feel. Instead of trying to please others, embrace what makes you unique! When you choose to be your authentic self, you can build deeper relationships with the people who truly matter and who love you for who you are.

While you may find this hard initially, you can take small steps to grow more comfortable being yourself. Check out these practical tips for building your confidence and embracing who you are.

5. Keep in touch with friends and distant family

Man writing a letter to a long-distance friend

A common regret many people have at the end of their lives is losing contact with their friends. Our relationships with others are a part of who we are; the people we choose to care about shape us in unique ways. When someone we love moves away or our life circumstances change, it can be easy to drift apart and lose contact.

Sometimes, once a relationship starts to fade, it gets harder and harder to reconnect. But there are many ways to bridge that gap and keep your friendships going, even if they look different. Share a funny video you think they’ll enjoy. Send them a card on their birthday. Write them a letter. Text or call to check in with them. Read the same book or watch the same movie and talk about it. Plan a trip to visit them.

Above all, don’t be afraid to reach out. Your friends will most likely be excited to hear from you, and even though your relationship may look different, you can still support and encourage each other.

6. Give back to others

Group of volunteers looking out at trees

In our busy lives, it’s easy to stay focused on ourselves. But taking time to think about, care for, and give back to others can improve your mental health and help you feel a greater sense of purpose. In fact, 94% of people who volunteer say that volunteering boosts their mood. Even simple acts of kindness can increase your happiness and self-esteem and help your life feel more meaningful.

By taking time out of your day to do something nice for someone else, you divert your attention from your own problems and channel your energy into something that benefits others. You don’t have to do anything big, either! You can compliment a stranger or give someone a card with a sweet message. Let someone merge in traffic. Volunteer at your local soup kitchen or food bank. Give a family member a hug.

There are hundreds of ways, big or small, that you can give back. Check out this page for inspiration or come up with your own idea!

7. Enjoy the small things

woman and her elderly father drinking coffee and laughing together

How often do you find yourself longing for the weekend or anticipating your upcoming vacation, wishing the days would go by faster? While these moments of rest are worth looking forward to, focusing only on the next big event can make you lose sight of the beautiful, everyday moments.

Taking time to enjoy the little things in life can help you appreciate what you have and feel more satisfied with your life. Building an “attitude of gratitude” helps create a positive mindset, improves your outlook, and gives you a new perspective.

Enjoying the little things looks different for everyone. You could take a few minutes to enjoy your coffee outside in the sunshine or cuddle your cat. Embrace a child’s goofiness and act out a story with them. However you choose to enjoy the small things, cherish those beautiful moments you experience every day.

As you consider these ways to create a life that feels more meaningful, don’t stress about making the “perfect” life. Instead, think about what you want from life and what’s most important to you. A meaningful life doesn’t look the same for everyone, and what works for one person may not work for everyone. Most importantly, take everything one day at a time. Change doesn’t happen overnight, so focus on making small daily choices to create a meaningful life.

Jan 31
Love0

How to Personalize Music at a Funeral

By Educational, Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Personalization, Planning Tools

The funeral is a time to honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can use music to personalize a loved one’s final tribute and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.

Older man playing a violin

 First, Why Does Personalization Matter?

“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.”  – Dr. Alan Wolfelt

In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!

A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about music and its vital role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!

Banjo laying on top of sheet music

How to Personalize Music at a Funeral

Music sets the tone of a funeral or memorial service and brings emotions to the forefront. In fact, one of the purposes of a funeral is to allow mourners to grieve together, and in many ways, music says what words cannot. We often shy away from our emotions, but don’t be afraid to invite people to express their grief. Consider using music as an avenue to bring out what people are thinking and feeling. Plus, you can add a deeply personal touch by selecting music that was dear to the person who has died.  

1. Choose songs that are meaningful, no matter their musical genre

Traditionally, hymns and other religious songs are often played at a funeral, but that doesn’t have to be the case. To add a personal touch, instead choose songs that are meaningful to you or to the loved one who has died. Did they love Fleetwood Mac? Play “Gypsy.” Did they always sing “You are My Sunshine” to the grandkids? Then, find your favorite version and play it. There’s no right or wrong genre of music for a funeral. There’s simply what is meaningful to you and your family.

2. Decide between live music or recorded music

For the grieving process, there’s no difference between going with live or recorded music, so it’s entirely up to your preference. Was your loved one part of a barbershop quartet? Ask their fellow quartet members to sing a number. Do you have a musically talented family member? Then you might consider asking them to perform live. Alternatively, you can create a digital playlist of songs that will play during the gathering or visitation. And if you want to do a mix of live and recorded music, go for it! The funeral director will help you coordinate all the fine details of the service.

Person holding a smartphone that displays a digital music playlist

3. Include songs that honor personal or religious beliefs

As you plan a funeral or memorial service, you should keep your loved one’s preferences at the front of your mind. If they were a religious person, consider including hymns or praise songs. If they were a veteran, perhaps play their military branch’s official song, such as “Anchors Aweigh” for the Navy or “The Army Goes Rolling Along” for the Army. Consider the organizations your loved one was involved with – are there any songs that would be a meaningful addition to the service?

4. Share clips of your loved one’s musical talents

If your loved one was musically talented themselves, consider finding a way to include their musical giftings at the service. Do you have recordings of them singing or playing an instrument? Incorporate that footage into a memorial tribute video. Alternatively, you can play any recordings during the service or visitation. Did they write lyrics or put together musical arrangements? Play those songs. If you aren’t sure how to include a loved one’s musical stylings at the service, speak with your funeral director. They can help you brainstorm ideas.

Woman in church choir singing a solo

Questions to Help You Brainstorm

If songs haven’t already started popping into your head, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm which songs to include at a service.

  • Did your loved one play any songs over and over again?
  • Did they have any favorite artists?
  • Were they known for singing any particular songs?
  • Did they have a favorite instrument?
  • Did they have a preferred music genre (classical, rock, Motown, etc.)?
  • Is there a song that always reminds you of them?

Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for selecting music that will not only personalize the funeral but add special meaning as well. And again, if you are stumped, look to your funeral director. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.

Music sheets folded into half circles

For additional inspiration, here are more articles on music that may help:

Jan 27
Love0
Open hardback book with blue cover

Comforting Poems After the Loss of a Father

By Grief/Loss

Good dads are strong pillars, men we can count on, lean on, and depend on throughout our lives. For those lucky enough to have an outstanding dad, his loss can stir up many emotions, including sadness, shock, confusion, or even regret. These emotions are all normal and natural after the death of a loved one.

If you are grieving the loss of a father, take comfort in these 10 poems that beautifully express the special relationship between a father and his children. And as you read them, take note of your own feelings. Write down your thoughts. Pay attention to the ones that bring tears to your eyes. And above all, remember your dad and honor his place in your life and his part in shaping who you are today.

Woman in rust-colored sweater sitting on couch, reading a book

1. Special Hero (by Christina M. Kerschen)

When I was a baby,
you would hold me in your arms.
I felt the love and tenderness,
keeping me safe from harm.
I would look up into your eyes,
and all the love I would see.
How did I get so lucky?
You were the dad chosen for me.

2. Dad (by Susan Smith)

To me, Dad, you’re everything
I cannot begin to say,
You’ve loved, cared, and looked out for me
You’ve made me who I am today.
Dad, you’ve always been understanding
and showered me with concern,
You’re my knight in shining armor
You’re my dad and best friend.

Mature man with glasses and beard sitting in a hammock outside and reading a book of poems

3. God Made a Father (by Abigail Stott)

God once made a father
his best one of all
he was smart loving and determined
to come when his kids called

This father could be serious
he would sometimes get mad
but he was forgiving
when you did something bad

This father could be silly
he would tell many jokes
he could be quite annoying
when he gave tickles and pokes

God gave him to someone
but who could it be?
This very lucky person
turned out to be me.

4. Only a Dad (by Edgar Guest)

Only a dad, with a tired face,
Coming home from the daily race,
Bringing little of gold or fame,
To show how well he has played the game,
But glad in his heart that his own rejoice
To see him come, and to hear his voice.

Only a dad, with a brood of four,
One of ten million men or more.
Plodding along in the daily strife,
Bearing the whips and the scorns of life,
With never a whimper of pain or hate,
For the sake of those who at home await.

Only a dad, neither rich nor proud,
Merely one of the surging crowd
Toiling, striving from day to day,
Facing whatever may come his way,
Silent, whenever the harsh condemn,
And bearing it all for the love of them.

Only a dad, but he gives his all
To smooth the way for his children small,
Doing, with courage stern and grim,
The deeds that his father did for him.
This is the line that for him I pen,
Only a dad, but the best of men.

Open hardback book with blue cover

5. Dads Show Us the Way (by Harrison Beslow)

Dads are the guiding lights that lead the way,
Raising kids to be strong, brave, and never stray,
Teaching us to try hard, and put ourselves to the test,
To see the funny side of things, and do our best.

Dads inspire us to be optimistic and kind,
To find our mission in life, and always keep in mind,
That success comes to those who never give up,
Who work hard and never hold a grudge.

With patience and love, dads show us the way,
To live in the here and now, and seize each day,
To face life’s challenges with grace and ease,
And to never ever give up on our dreams.

Dads teach us values that shape our lives,
To be kind to others, and treat them with respect and thrive,
Their love and guidance, we’ll cherish forevermore,
For dads play a crucial role in the world, that we can’t ignore.

6. My Dad, My Teacher (by Reese Carlington)

From the very start, my dad’s been there,
Teaching me to ride my bike without a care.
When my toys broke, he fixed them with a grin,
And when I needed help, he always pitched in.

Through every scrape and tear, he wiped away my fears,
Making everything okay, and drying up my tears.
He’s been my rock, my guide, my hero, all in one,
And I’m grateful for everything he’s done.

He’s taught me to be kind, and to spread my wings,
And he’s always been there to help with anything.
With his patience and love, he’s helped me through it all,
And I’m grateful for his support, big and small.

I’m lucky to have such an awesome dad,
And I’m grateful for all the fun we’ve had.
He’s the best friend I could ever wish for,
And I’ll always love him more and more.

Young woman sitting beside window as she reads a book of poems

7. As We Look Back (by Clare Jones)

As we look back over time
We find ourselves wondering
Did we remember to thank you enough
For all you have done for us?
For all the times you were by our sides
To help and support us
To celebrate our successes
To understand our problems
And accept our defeats?
Or for teaching us by your example,
The value of hard work, good judgement,
Courage and integrity?
We wonder if we ever thanked you
For the sacrifices you made.
To let us have the very best?
And for the simple things
Like laughter, smiles and times we shared?
If we have forgotten to show our
Gratitude enough for all the things you did,
We’re thanking you now.
And we are hoping you knew all along,
How much you meant to us.

8. Silent Strong Dad (by Karen K. Boyer)

He never looks for praises
He’s never one to boast
He just goes on quietly working
For those he loves the most

His dreams are seldom spoken
His wants are very few
And most of the time his worries
Will go unspoken too

He’s there…A firm foundation
Through all our storms of life
A sturdy hand to hold to
In times of stress and strife

A true friend we can turn to
When times are good or bad
One of our greatest blessings,
The man that we call Dad

Man sitting at an outdoor table by himself, reading a book of poems

9. Dear Dad (by Anonymous)

You mean so very much to me,
And I want you to know
That you are always in my heart,
No matter where I go.

You’re always giving, always there
To help in any way;
The loving things you’ve done for me,
I never could repay.

I can’t imagine what I’d do
Without the love you give.
I’ll treasure your sweet heart of gold
As long as I shall live.

10. Where Would I Be Without You (by Corey Mitcherson)

My dad, my hero, always by my side,
From the moment I was born, he has been my guide.
He cared for me as a baby, taught me to crawl and walk,
And as I grew older, he taught me to talk.
He taught me to throw and catch, ride a bike and drive a car,
And to never give up, no matter how hard things are.
Without my dad, where would I be?
Lost and unsure, I don’t want to even think.

He has always been there, through thick and thin,
Supporting me, and helping me to win.
His guidance and faith in me, have given me the strength,
To overcome all obstacles, no matter the length.
He taught me about The Lord, and how to live a life of grace,
To be kind and compassionate, and to always have faith.
My dad, my hero, I’m grateful for all you’ve done,
And I thank the heavens above, for giving me the best one.

Two hardback books sitting on a table next to a white coffee mug

May these poems bring you comfort and help you remember your dad with love and tenderness. As you continue on your grief journey, make sure you talk with family and friends about what you’re feeling. Find ways to express yourself. Share your favorite memories. As you engage with your emotions and process your feelings of grief, you will move toward healing and reconciliation.

For more grief tips, check out these articles:

Jan 23
Love0

6 Ways to Combat Loneliness on Valentine’s Day

By Grief/Loss, Seasonal

If you’ve recently lost a spouse, partner, or significant other, you may be experiencing loneliness on Valentine’s Day. And that’s completely normal and to be expected. Your natural inclination may be to sit at home and just try to deal with your loneliness. However, to make the day easier on yourself mentally and emotionally, here are a few activities to consider that may help you make it through the day feeling more engaged and less lonely.

1. Schedule a Self-Care Day

Woman receiving manicure on a self-care day

Give yourself a little love this year by scheduling self-care activities on Valentine’s Day. By doing so, you not only get out of the house, but you also have a chance to treat yourself to things that bring you joy. For example, you could schedule a massage (foot, back, full body, whatever you prefer). Or you could get a manicure, pedicure, or facial.

Alternatively, you could choose to focus on your spirit and attend a retreat or educational conference. Simply choose something that relaxes you and makes you feel recharged. And if you’d like to invite a friend to join you, do so!

2. Make Plans with Friends

Three men out golfing together

A second option for combatting loneliness on Valentine’s Day is to make plans to spend the day or evening with friends. By including other people in your day, Valentine’s Day won’t feel as lonely because you won’t be alone. Instead, you will laugh, talk, and deepen your connection to the important people in your life.

You could go out to dinner at your favorite spot. Plan a road trip. Go to the movies and see the most action-packed movie possible (no rom-coms allowed). Scope out a good place to hike and enjoy the outdoors. Head to the golf course, the local fishing hole, or the new axe-throwing joint. Or you can poll the group and ask each person to choose an activity and make a full day of it!

3. Volunteer with your Favorite Charity

Two volunteers holding a pug at an animal shelter

Studies show that volunteering decreases loneliness and social isolation while also improving your physical well-being. So, take time out this Valentine’s Day to volunteer at a charity close to your heart. And if you’ve never volunteered before, that’s fine. With a little advance planning, you can get signed up with a local organization that’s in need of your help.

You could volunteer at an animal shelter, tutor kids, help with the homeless, build homes with Habitat for Humanity, sit with the elderly, or deliver meals with Meals on Wheels. There are so many volunteer opportunities to choose from and each one will introduce you to new faces and new passions.

4. Exchange Valentines with Friends

Person holding a box of Valentine's Day truffle chocolates

Do you remember exchanging valentines in elementary school? You can do the same with your friend group this Valentine’s Day. Think of it like a Secret Santa gift exchange. You could draw names and each person gets one gift. Alternatively, you could draw inspiration from grade school and each design your own valentine box and place it on your porch. Then, throughout the day, your friend group can drop cards and treats into the box at each other’s homes.

If you’d prefer to exchange in person, you can always have a valentine brunch or dinner where valentines are given and received. You could create your own cards or grab one of those packs from the store. The point is, by exchanging with your friends, you still get the love, support, and chocolate that comes with the day and you will feel less lonely.

5. Sign Up for a Group Activity

Group of seniors in a painting class with instructor

If you’re new to the area or just like to try new things, you could sign up for a group activity on Valentine’s Day. You could do a fitness class, a painting class, an educational course, a walking group, a dance class, a wine club – wherever your interests lie. With group activities, you have the chance to meet new people while also learning a new skill or indulging a passion. What a lovely evening it would be! You just might meet your new best friend.

6. Stay Off Social Media for the Day

Cell phone put away in a basket as woman takes a social media break; woman sitting on couch reading

With social media, we’re connected to more people than ever before. While that can be good on some days, on others it becomes a curse. If you are struggling with loneliness this Valentine’s Day or are simply missing your special person, it can be painful to see so many others celebrating their own love stories. While you are certainly happy for them, it doesn’t mean you want to be confronted with your own loneliness so openly.

If you struggle seeing others’ social posts, consider staying off social media for 3-4 days surrounding the holiday. This way, you won’t be bombarded with posts and can protect your own mental and emotional health. Even after 4 days, you may see a post or two pop up in your newsfeed, but you will avoid the thick of it.

Woman sitting at home, writing in a journal, expressing her thoughts

Remember to Honor Your Feelings

While these 6 activities will help you combat loneliness on Valentine’s Day, it’s important not to ignore what you’re feeling. There are going to be times throughout the day when you feel down or deeply miss your special person. When these feelings come, don’t be discouraged. This is completely normal and natural.

Take a moment to honor your feelings. If you need to cry, scream, or journal what you’re feeling, do that. It may also help to find a way to honor your loved one’s memory on Valentine’s Day. By doing so, you honor the love you two shared in a special way. For a few ideas on ways you could honor your loved one’s memory, go to Honor Your Loved One this Valentine’s Day. May you find hope and connection this Valentine’s Day even as you mourn the loss of someone dearly loved.

Skip to content