Have you been asked to give a eulogy at a special person’s final tribute? While it’s an honor to be asked, it can be a little intimidating. You might be concerned you won’t say the right thing, especially if this is your first time giving a eulogy. The most important part is to be sincere about your comments, but for a little extra advice, here are 8 tips to help you when crafting a eulogy.
7 Tips for Crafting a Eulogy
A eulogy is a speech given at a funeral or memorial service that celebrates the life of a friend or loved one. It comes from the Greek word eulogia, which means “to praise.” Eulogies can be as short as three or four minutes, or as long as fifteen to twenty (when in doubt, it’s best to stay short). Here are 8 tips for crafting a eulogy that will help you write and present a meaningful tribute.
1. Brainstorm First
Begin by pouring your thoughts out on paper. Record fond memories of important events and details in the person’s life. What were some of your favorite moments with this person? What did you admire most about him or her? At this point, it is essential that you don’t judge your work. The hardest part is starting, so just let your ideas flow. The most effective way to write is to turn off your “inner critic” until you have plenty of material to work with.
2. Structure Your Work
Once you have a sufficient body of information on the page, then you can go back, think critically, and make edits. Decide which details are important and worthwhile, and which ones would be irrelevant or even harmful to mention. Remember that the eulogy is a time of “praise” and that this is a time for positive memories only. Organize your thoughts and create smooth transitions between stories and commentary.
3. Keep the Focus on the Deceased
While it’s important to establish who you are and your relationship to the person who has died, keep the focus primarily on the deceased. In other words, make your comments personal, but don’t let your memories of the deceased become self-centered or self-serving. Avoid unnecessary tangents or sharing details that don’t pertain to the deceased directly. Establish your identity to provide the proper context, but never lose sight of honoring the deceased’s life and accomplishments.
4. Go for a Conversational Tone
If any portions of your speech sound dry or formal, adopt a more casual approach. A conversational tone is preferred because it feels more personal. When trying for a more casual, conversational tone, pretend that you are talking with someone one-on-one. Don’t try to use flowery or elaborate words. Keep your sentences relatively short and clear. Read your work aloud, and if you trip over sections, adjust them to read more easily.
5. Be Specific
If any portions of your speech sound too vague or general, find ways to make them more specific. Pack your eulogy with vivid stories and details. Adopt a style that captures the spirit of your friend or loved one. When celebrating the character of the deceased, provide examples to back up your praise. Recall specific things that the person said or did. Don’t be afraid to express your sadness, but if you have any humorous stories, consider sharing them, too.
6. Contact the Other Speakers
If multiple people will be delivering eulogies at the funeral or memorial service, consider contacting the other speakers to get a general idea of what they will be saying and how your eulogy will fit into the overall picture. For example, if everyone shares the same stories, the eulogies may become a little redundant and less meaningful. Also, try to get a sense of how long the others will be speaking, so that you can time your own speech accordingly.
7. Share a Draft with the Family
After you’ve put together a speech that you’re proud of, consider sharing a draft with the family. This way, if there are details they’d like you to add or remove, you can do so before the day of the funeral. And knowing that you have their blessing may help you feel more relaxed and at ease when you get in front of the podium. After all, if the family approves, that’s all that matters.
8. Rehearse Your Speech
Once you’ve completed the speech and edited it to your liking, practice it several times through. Examine your body language and delivery in the mirror or present it to a trusted person and ask for feedback. Keep a calm and steady rhythm. When people get anxious during a public speech, they tend to speak more quickly. Be aware of this tendency ahead of time so that you can slow yourself down and ensure that your words are impactful and understood.
Feeling Nervous? You’re Not Alone
If you’re nervous about public speaking, you’re not alone. Almost 75% of the population has speech anxiety. Much of this anxiety stems from the irrational belief that the speech must be perfect, that any sign of error or any hint of nervousness on the part of the speaker will be scrutinized by the audience. This simply isn’t true. These unrealistic expectations put a burden on you that you can’t possibly live up to. Instead, take a deep breath, relax, and remember that the people listening love and support you. Your best effort is good enough.
For more information about eulogies and how to write one, check out these helpful resources:
How to Personalize the Eulogy at a Funeral
How to Write a Eulogy
What is a Eulogy?
4 Reasons Why Eulogies are Important
Eulogies & Sharing a Loved One’s Legacy
