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Meaningful Funerals

Nov 25
Love0
Man and woman in black clothing leaning on each other in a comforting way as they attend a visitation

Viewing vs. Visitation: What’s the Difference?

By Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Planning Tools

After losing a loved one, you will have to make many decisions regarding what type of services will best honor their unique life. As you speak with a funeral director, they may ask you, “Would you like to have a viewing or a visitation?” These two terms may seem interchangeable, but they actually aren’t. Let’s talk about the key difference between them.

Woman in black dress placing a red rose in an open casket at a viewing

What is a Viewing?

For some people, it’s important to physically see a loved one before they are laid to rest. At a viewing, the deceased’s body is available to “view,” often lying in a casket with flowers or memorabilia nearby. You can choose to have a public viewing or a private, family-only viewing.

The act of viewing the person can play an important role in the grieving process. It’s an opportunity to say goodbye in person, to touch that special person one final time, to kiss their forehead in farewell. It’s also an opportunity to truly acknowledge the reality of the death. Sometimes, the truth of a loved one’s death doesn’t feel real at first, but by seeing their body for yourself, the reality of the death begins to sink in. And as hard as it may be, accepting the reality of the death is an important aspect of the healing process.

Additionally, the viewing may also provide an opportunity to pay respects to the surviving family. It’s not required that the family be present at the viewing, but most of the time, they are. The viewing gives mourners access to the grieving family and the chance to offer condolences and support following the death.

Man and woman in black clothing leaning on each other in a comforting way as they attend a visitation

What is a Visitation?

On the other hand, a visitation is a little different. The surviving family must be present, but the deceased’s body is not visible. While there may be photos, an urn, or even a closed casket, there is no viewing of the body itself.

Instead, the focus of the visitation is on paying one’s respects by offering support and condolences to the grieving family. It’s a time for surviving family members to make themselves available to friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors who want to offer their sympathies. It’s also a time to share stories about the deceased and comfort each other through shared grief.

Because the funeral service itself has an order of events, it’s not always the best time to offer support and condolences. The visitation is more casual and provides the chance to speak freely and as long as you want without the time constraints of the funeral service.

Young man paying his respects at a closed casket at a visitation

Are there Any Similarities?

Absolutely! Here are a few ways in which the viewing and visitation are similar to each other:

  • They may both include an opportunity to pay respects to surviving family members
  • Each event may be personalized to reflect the life of the person who has died
  • There may be refreshments or a meal provided, if the family wishes
  • The event can take place at the funeral home, church, community hall, or even a residence (depending on local regulations)
  • It doesn’t matter whether you choose burial or cremation, you can still have a viewing or visitation (though embalming is generally recommended for the viewing)

Could I Have a Viewing AND a Visitation?

Yes, you could, but to keep things less stressful for the grieving family, it’s often recommended to simply have a viewing with the family also present. By doing so, you cut down on the number of events the family must attend while still achieving the benefits of both a viewing and a visitation.

Group of mourners leaving a viewing or visitation

Is a Visitation or Viewing Required?

Neither of these events are required. It’s entirely up to your personal preferences whether you’d like to include either one. They do have their benefits, so speak with your family and the funeral director as you decide whether to include them or exclude them from a loved one’s final tribute.

Are There Times When a Viewing is Not Recommended?

Yes, there are times when the funeral director may recommend that the family skip the viewing. Most of the time, this recommendation is made because the body is not as presentable. While funeral homes can do wonders with cosmetics or restorative arts, there are times when it’s not enough to restore a loved one’s appearance to how you remember them. In these cases, the funeral director will use their professional judgment and suggest you skip the viewing. The final decision will be up to the surviving family members.

Man placing a hand on another person's shoulder in a comforting way

When Does a Viewing or Visitation Occur?

As you plan the funeral service with your chosen funeral director, you can discuss the options. The two most common choices are:

  1. Have the visitation/viewing the evening before the funeral service. This allows anyone unable to attend the funeral service a secondary opportunity to say goodbye and offer their support.
  2. Have the visitation/viewing the hour prior to the funeral service. This option means that the grieving family only has one event to attend, but there may be some people unable to attend due to their own work or personal schedules.

Ultimately, it’s up to the family to decide what’s best for their own grief and for honoring their loved one’s life.

Lit memorial candle with white funeral flowers around it

Personalization is Key

Now that you have a better understanding about the key differences between a viewing and a visitation, it’s essential to discuss the importance of personalization. For an event to be meaningful, it must also be personalized. You can go simple or elaborate, but the personal touches will make the viewing or visitation that much more special to the grieving family and any other mourners.

Here are a few resources that will help you personalize the event, whether you choose a viewing or a visitation:

Nov 20
Love0
hands typing on a silver laptop with black keys

5 Steps for Writing a Personalized Eulogy with AI

By Meaningful Funerals, Planning Tools

Writing a eulogy for a loved one can be a daunting task. Eulogies typically last for less than ten minutes, which feels like too short of a time to properly share the legacy of your loved one. Plus, you’re likely working through your own feelings of grief and coming to terms with the loss, which can make it hard to write, especially if you have no idea where to start.

To overcome the writer’s block that comes from staring at a blank page, you can use an AI writing tool. AI has taken the world by storm, and while it’s best not to run with whatever AI generates as-is, it can give you a great framework and a solid starting point for your eulogy. Here are five important steps to follow to help you develop a personalized, touching eulogy with the help of AI.

1. Provide a specific, detailed prompt

The more details your prompt has, the better your results from the AI generator will be! Include details about what was most important to your loved one: their family, their job, their hobbies, their pets. Also, add information about their personality, significant memories you shared with them, and their passions. If you’re not sure what to include, try asking your AI generator for a list of questions to help you brainstorm for a eulogy. When you put together your prompt, start it with “Write a eulogy about…” so the generator will know what tone to use and how to structure what it writes.

2. Ask the generator to refine the eulogy

Once AI creates something for you, it can also help edit and refine what it’s given you. If the eulogy is too serious or lighthearted, ask the AI generator to change the tone. You could ask AI to focus more on a specific part of the eulogy, like family life or personality. You can also ask the generator to shorten or lengthen the eulogy. Or if you don’t like the option provided, you can ask AI to try again, although you may need to adjust your prompt to get a better result. You can play around with different versions of the eulogy until you find one you like.

3. Double-check the facts

Often, AI generators will exaggerate facts or add incorrect information. This phenomenon is called AI hallucination, and it’s important to watch for it when working with an AI generator. You might mention in your prompt that your dad loved to play golf, but the AI generator may say that your dad won many golf tournaments when he only played casually. Or you might say that your aunt was great in the kitchen, and the AI generator may talk about her world-famous pot pie recipe (that doesn’t exist). Make sure to read through the eulogy and double-check all the details, including names and dates, to ensure that everything is accurate.

4. Make the eulogy more personal

While AI can create a great eulogy, it can’t make it sound like you. After fact-checking the information, sit down with the eulogy and rewrite it in your own words. Did AI use words you wouldn’t typically use? Does the tone match what you want to portray, whether sadness, peace, humor, or anything in between? Could you add any stories of your loved one to help illustrate their character? AI can state the facts and even use empathy, but it’s up to you to make the eulogy truly personal.

5. Read the eulogy aloud

Young man in a plaid shirt practicing a eulogy by reading it aloud from a paper

Once you’ve finished personalizing the eulogy, practice reading it out loud. This can help you get a better feel for the flow of the eulogy and give you a chance to practice before delivering the eulogy. Watch out for words or phrases you trip over or long sentences that don’t give you an opportunity to take a breath. You could also time yourself while reading the eulogy to get an idea of whether you need to shorten or lengthen it.

As you work on writing the eulogy, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable! While AI is a useful tool that can help you organize and create a eulogy, it doesn’t have your unique perspective and relationship with your loved one to draw from. By adding your own personal touch to the eulogy, you can create something that truly honors your loved one’s life.

More resources about eulogies:

Oct 27
Love0
Musical notes made out of pink flowers on black background

10 Songs to Honor Mom at a Funeral Service

By Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Personalization, Planning Tools

Colorful flowers acting like musical notes on vines that are lines of music

For many people, a mom is so much more than just another family member. She’s a pillar of strength, love, kindness, and acceptance. She offers wise counsel and a compassionate, listening ear. She is present and supportive. When you lose someone so important to your life, the urge to honor them in a special way is strong. If you are planning a personalized final tribute for a loving mother, consider including one of these 10 songs to honor her life and the way you feel about her.

1. Because You Loved Me (Celine Dion)

Maybe I don’t know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

While this song does imply a link to a romantic relationship, the message at its core is one of gratitude. It focuses on thanking a loved one for guidance, encouragement, and protection through the ups and downs of life. The poignant words paired with Celine Dion’s incomparable voice make the song unforgettable and a lovely way to honor mom.

2. In My Life (The Beatles)

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life, I love you more

Performed by the beloved Beatles, this timeless tune explores themes of love, loss, and nostalgia. Its depth of emotion and thoughtful lyrics help the listener reflect on and appreciate the people in their lives, like a wonderful mom. If you or your mom loved the Beatles or connected to their music in an impactful way, this song may be a worthy inclusion at the funeral service.

3. Mother Like Mine (The Band Perry)

She’s the sky that holds the clouds
She’s the lady of the house
A blind believer in all I dare to be
There’s no safer place I’ve found

With its soothing cadence and deep message, this song from The Band Perry resonates with listeners from all walks of life. The lyrics explore the irreplaceable role of mothers and the power of their unconditional love. If your mom had a positive impact on your life and seemed to be the glue that kept your family together, you might consider including this country classic at her final tribute.

4. My Wish (Rascal Flatts)

But more than anything, more than anything
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

This #1 hit song by Rascal Flatts was written from the perspective of a parent to a child. The lyrics express the wishes many parents have toward their children – big dreams, small worries, no regrets, and lasting love. To bring solace to mourners after the loss of a beloved maternal figure, this song may be a great comfort as you remember just how much your mom loved you and what she wanted for you.

5. You’ll Be in My Heart (Phil Collins)

‘Cause you’ll be in my heart
Yes, you’ll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

In this familiar classic, Phil Collins explores the ongoing presence of love. Even after a person has died, their legacy and their memory don’t go away. As the song states, “you’ll be in my heart from this day on, now and forevermore” and no truer words were spoken. If you are looking for a song to honor a mom who stood with you, supporting you and loving you, consider including this song at the services.

6. Mama Liked the Roses (Elvis Presley)

Oh, mama liked the roses,
But most of all she cared
About the way we learned to live

Released in Elvis Presley’s 1970 album titled “Elvis’ Christmas Album,” this song holds a special place in the hearts of many fans. With poignant words, Presley shares a look into his own feelings about his mother and the beauty of the enduring bond between a mother and her children. If your mom loved roses or was an Elvis Presley fan, then this enduring classic may be the perfect addition to a lovely tribute.

7. Heaven Was Needing a Hero (Jo Dee Messina)

I came by today to see you
Though I had to let you know
If I knew the last time that I held you was the last time
I’d have held you and never let go

Sometimes, death is expected, and sometimes, it’s not. In this heartfelt country ballad, Messina expresses the desire so many people feel – the ability to see that special person one more time. And she also dives into the emotions you may feel following a loss, especially learning how to grapple with why and how to move forward. If your mother was your hero, this soothing song could be the perfect complement to your plans for her final tribute.

8. Two of Us (Louis Tomlinson)

I know you’ll be looking down
Swear I’m gonna make you proud
I’ll be living one life for the two of us

Written following the passing of his own mother, Tomlinson shares aspects of his grief journey throughout the song. In an interview, he declared that writing the song was a therapeutic experience for him, and he hopes that even though it is sad, other people will find the song’s message comforting during their own losses. If you resonate with Tomlinson and the words he sings about his own mother, consider honoring yours with this ballad.

9. See You Again (Carrie Underwood)

I will see you again, oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
‘Til I see you again

In this uplifting country tune from Carrie Underwood, the focus is on hope and the belief that we will one day see the people we love again. While your mom may no longer be physically present, there is a time in the future when you will see her again and rejoice together at the reunion. If you share Underwood’s beliefs and want to lean into hope for the future, consider including this selection at your mom’s funeral service.

10. Supermarket Flowers (Ed Sheeran)

Oh I’m in pieces, it’s tearing me up, but I know
A heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved
So I’ll sing Hallelujah
You were an angel in the shape of my mum

In this beautiful tribute to a beloved mom and grandmother, Sheeran’s powerful lyrics and emotive voice help you feel exactly what he’s feeling. Perhaps the most stunning words of the songs are the reminder that “a heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved.” If you shared a deep and abiding love with your mother, listen to this haunting melody and consider whether it’s right for honoring your mom’s life and legacy.

Paper rose made out of music sheet resting on piano keyboard

Honorable Mentions

If you are a daughter seeking to honor your mom, you might consider including Celine Dion’s “Goodbye’s the Saddest Word,” Faith Hill’s “You Can’t Lose Me,” Taylor Swift’s “The Best Day (Taylor’s Version),” or Riley Roth’s “When God Made You My Mother.” For a son, both “A Song for Mama” by Boyz II Men and “Will the Circle be Unbroken” by Randy Travis are beautiful tributes. And if you grew up in a single parent household with mom as your primary support, “Thank you Mom” by Good Charlotte could be the perfect addition.

As you plan a personalized tribute for your mom, you are not limited to the songs on this list. These are merely a starting place. If there’s a song that always reminds you of your mom or that she sang regularly, include that song. The goal of personalizing the music at a funeral service is to capture the person’s unique life and personality. So, think of who your mom was and choose music accordingly.

Musical notes made out of pink flowers on black background

Additional Resources

For more suggestions on songs to include at a funeral service, check out the resources below:

By decade:

Oct 18
Love0
Older man in a blue shirt holding a piece of paper and rehearsing a eulogy

5 Public Speaking Tips for Delivering a Eulogy

By Meaningful Funerals

Delivering a eulogy is a meaningful but challenging honor. While you might be emotional about speaking at the funeral of someone you love, giving a eulogy is a beautiful way to honor a loved one’s life. By sharing memories and highlighting your loved one’s personality and character traits, a eulogy gives you and other mourners a chance to reflect on a life well-lived.

But delivering a eulogy also involves public speaking and sharing your emotions in front of others, which is difficult for many of us! If you don’t know what to expect while speaking at the funeral or how to prepare, here are a few tips to help you get started.

1. Write it out

woman writing a eulogy in a notebook on a wooden table next to a laptop and a cup of coffee
In speech class, you may have learned to speak from an outline instead of having everything written down. But when giving a eulogy, the last thing you want to do when standing in front of everyone is ad-lib and have your brain fill in the gaps on an outline. By writing out the eulogy word-for-word, you’ll make presenting easier on yourself, especially if you’re worried about getting emotional while speaking.

As you write the eulogy, read it aloud to make sure it flows and sounds natural when spoken. To learn how to write a compelling eulogy, read “How to Write a Eulogy” and “8 Tips for Crafting a Eulogy.”

2. Practice, practice, practice

woman practicing giving a eulogy with a friend
The most important part of delivering a eulogy is the practice you put in ahead of time. While you may be giving a eulogy on short notice, practicing as much as you can before the service will help you feel more confident and sound more relaxed. Try to memorize sections if you can, but don’t worry if you still have to read directly off the page at the funeral.

Additionally, if you can, practice the eulogy in front of someone you feel comfortable with in a low-stress environment. They can give you a second opinion about how the eulogy comes across to an audience. Plus, they can help you get experience delivering it in front of another person.

3. Speak slowly and clearly

Older man in a blue shirt holding a piece of paper and rehearsing a eulogy
Whether you’re comfortable with public speaking or terrified of it, delivering a eulogy can bring on a different set of nerves. And when you’re nervous, uncomfortable, or emotional, it’s normal to start talking faster as part of our fight-or-flight response. But talking quickly can make it harder for your audience to understand you and make it easier for you to trip over your words.

As you give the eulogy, concentrate on speaking slowly. Take time to enunciate your words and remove or practice pronouncing any difficult words. Don’t be afraid to pause and take a deep breath in between sentences to calm your nerves if needed. The other mourners at the funeral will understand if you need to take a second to compose yourself.

4. Relax your body language

microphone in front of a crowd at a funeral
If you’re nervous while giving a speech, it can be easy to tense up and revert to anxious body language, which can be distracting to an audience. While typical public speaking rules about rarely looking at your paper or projecting confidence don’t necessarily apply to eulogies, it’s good to maintain open body language.

As you read, don’t hunch over your paper, and try to look up at the audience if you feel comfortable. If you’re worried about making eye contact with someone and losing your composure, look at a point at the back of the room instead of the actual audience members. But if you don’t feel confident taking your eyes away from the page, that’s okay! Just try to keep a relaxed and open posture.

5. Let yourself be vulnerable

Close up of a person tightly holding onto a tissue with tense fisted hands
You may feel like you need to keep your composure as you deliver the eulogy, but it’s okay to show emotion or cry. Sharing treasured memories in front of a group of people is a vulnerable experience. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed by emotions while giving a eulogy. Other mourners at the service understand that you are also grieving for your lost loved one, and if you need to pause for a moment, they’ll understand.

If you’re worried about breaking down and being unable to finish the eulogy, some preparation ahead of time can help. When practicing the eulogy, pay attention to more personal spots where you get emotional so you can prepare for those moments during the service. Rehearsing the eulogy over and over can also soften the emotions you feel while reading. Before delivering the eulogy, take a few deep breaths and make sure you have tissues on hand.

Be patient with yourself as you prepare to deliver the eulogy. Writing, practicing, and giving a eulogy while you’re grieving can be challenging, so give yourself as much time as you can and allow yourself to feel whatever you need to.

More resources about eulogies:

Sep 10
Love0

Why Does the Funeral Matter?

By Educational, Meaningful Funerals

Today, we live fast-paced lives focused on instant gratification, immediate responses, and constant stimulation. We fill our minds with a barrage of entertainment and distract ourselves with our devices. In such an environment, moments of silence are increasingly rare, and may even feel uncomfortable.

For many, having a funeral and honoring the sacred space of mourning feels foreign or inconvenient. We resist the idea of slowing down because if we slow down, we risk thinking about our own mortality, something we desperately wish to avoid. But despite our best efforts to minimize its impact, the funeral does matter. Let’s talk about why.

4 Reasons Why a Funeral Matters

Spray of white flowers on a casket at a funeral; pallbearers carrying casket

1. A funeral encourages us to respect the beauty of life

No matter how much we want to hide from it, avoid it, or try to get around it, death isn’t convenient. It’s painful. It forces us to consider the transience of life. It forces us to face our emotions. Dealing with death and loss is not supposed to be convenient or efficient. It takes time and intentionality to deal with death in a healthy way.

Going back to the earliest historical records, human beings have been using the funeral (in its various forms) to honor and remember the lives of loved ones. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or exhausting, but the service should give mourners time to reflect and grieve. With every life that is honored at its passing, we reaffirm the beauty and sanctity of life and the living.

Couple standing together, comforting each other, as they stand at a graveside service at a funeral

2. A funeral brings emotions to the surface and reduces the risk of complicated grief

If grief isn’t expressed at a time of loss, it has a way of coming back around later, sometimes with a vengeance. In some cases, unresolved grief can lead to complicated grief or even depression. Both of these mental health concerns are serious and require the assistance of a licensed mental health professional to overcome.

While ignoring grief may save you from short-term pain, it’s harmful in the end. Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected grief educator and counselor, says:

“The pain of grief will keep trying to get your attention until you unleash your courage to gently, and in small doses, open to its presence. The alternative—denying or suppressing your pain—is in fact more painful. If you do not honor your grief by acknowledging it, it will accumulate and fester. So, you must ask yourself, ‘How will I host this loss? What do I intend to do with this pain? Will I befriend it, or will I make it my enemy?’”

By attending a funeral, memorial, or some type of service following the death of a loved one, you give yourself and other mourners a chance to release what’s pent up inside. When grief is allowed to be expressed in its proper time, complications tend to be reduced or alleviated.

Woman in black jacket holding an urn, remembering and honoring the life of a special person

3. A funeral provides the opportunity to say goodbye

In addition to reminding us about the sanctity of life and encouraging us to express ourselves, the funeral matters because it provides an opportunity to say goodbye. As human beings, we need some form of closure – some way to say goodbye and “I love you, I miss you” to those we have loved and lost.

The funeral provides an avenue for both family and friends to have that final opportunity to say what needs to be said, to see that special person’s face one more time, and to close the door on a beautiful chapter of life as they turn the page to see what the future holds. We all need to say goodbye, so we can face the challenges and changes of tomorrow.

Person in black jacket placing hand on a casket draped with an American flag

4. A funeral honors a loved one’s life and says they matter

And lastly, the funeral matters because your loved one’s life matters. Whether you do something simple or something elaborate, take time to celebrate who your loved one was. What did they enjoy doing? What were their lovable quirks? What did they mean to you? What are your favorite memories?

By adding customized stories and details to a final tribute, you get to say goodbye to them in a truly personal way. It’s not a hollow or meaningless service. It’s full of love, appreciation, remembrance, and a focus on the value your loved one brought to the world.

Woman holding white lilies at a funeral

What Does All This Mean?

So, what does all this mean? It means take time to slow down. Make time to mourn. You deserve the chance to express and work through your feelings. And your loved one deserves to have their life remembered and honored in a personal way.

While confronting death head-on can feel uncomfortable, respecting the dead makes us stronger people. We find greater resilience and the ability to navigate through the difficulties of life. At the funeral, we mourn. We come together and remember. In many ways, we forget our differences and heal old wounds. We honor sacred space and time, and we grow as individuals and as a society.

And remember, every funeral will look different. You can work with a trusted funeral professional to choose the type of service that best meets your loved one’s wishes and your family’s emotional needs. Whether that’s a formal Mass, a memorial service with cremated remains present, a graveside service, a celebration of life, or some other type of service entirely, the funeral matters because it helps you meaningfully honor, remember, and celebrate a unique person you deeply love.

Aug 29
Love0
Mourners attending a service, placing hands on casket in remembrance

5 Ways Funerals Today Aren’t One-Size-Fits-All

By Educational, Meaningful Funerals, Plan Ahead

Mourners attending a service, placing hands on casket in remembrance

Starting in the mid-1800s, there was a shift in funeral care. This shift was mainly due to the influence of Queen Victoria’s mourning practices on the Western World and the rise of embalming after the assassination of President Abraham Lincoln. The expectation for funerals came to include embalming, a viewing and visitation, service, funeral procession, graveside service, as well as a headstone.

While many people today still choose a traditional funeral as outlined above, things have changed in the last 150+ years. Now, funerals aren’t one-size-fits-all. You get to make more choices regarding how you want your life remembered and celebrated.

So, let’s talk about 5 key ways that you get to choose what’s right for you.

Mature mourners attending a funeral service with casket

1. Choose Your Service

One way you can customize the funeral to fit your needs and personality is by choosing the type of service you want. For example, would you like a traditional funeral service? Or perhaps you’d prefer a memorial service after cremation has taken place? Would you like a viewing or a visitation? If so, would it be a private event or a public event? Alternatively, you might prefer to have your ashes scattered in a special place by the people closest to you.

While the options mentioned above are for the sake of example, you can talk with your family and a trusted local funeral home to better understand all of the possibilities. Then, with that information in hand, you can put your funeral plans in writing so that your loved ones know exactly how to honor your life after you’re gone.

For more resources on the types of services you could select, check out the articles below:

Mourner holding a white flower while standing near an urn and memorial candles

2. Choose Your Disposition

The two most common forms of final disposition in the United States are burial and cremation. While there are pros and cons to each, the choice is up to you. With burial, you can choose traditional burial with or without embalming, or you can opt for green burial. Similarly, with cremation, you can choose cremation by heat or by water.

When deciding which to choose, make sure you consider your family’s needs and your own personal convictions. For example, someone who wants to leave a smaller environmental impact could choose green burial or water cremation, the two options with the smallest footprint. However, if having a viewing is essential to your family or religious needs, you might choose have one before burial or cremation takes place.  It’s entirely up to you and your family.

A few lesser used forms of disposition are burial at sea, recomposition burial (only available in select states), or body donation to science. For more information about all of these forms of final disposition, check out the resources below:

Woman on her knees visiting a loved one's grave

3. Choose Your Final Resting Place

Next up is choosing your final resting place. Not only can you personally choose the cemetery, but you also decide what kind of placement you want. With burial, you could opt for a single or double plot, a mausoleum, or even an above-ground crypt, to name a few. The cemetery may even have options like choosing a plot near a pond, a bench, or a lovely view.

On the other hand, with cremation, you could choose placement in a columbarium, a glass-front niche, scattering (at a cemetery or a special place), or even urn burial. Depending on the cemetery, there may be other options available. And if you are a veteran, there are national and state veteran cemeteries to consider as well as veterans’ burial benefits.

For more information about choosing a final resting place, check out the resources below and start talking with cemeteries in your area. You can consider the options available at each one and decide which works best for you.

Lit memorial candles at a church or service; funerals aren't one-size-fits-all

4. Choose Your Personalized Details

Personalization is perhaps the best way to create a truly unique final tribute. Special touches and custom details tailor the service to tell the story of your particular life and its events. There are so many ways to personalize the funeral. Just think – weddings, birthday parties, anniversary celebrations, they all look different because they are custom to the people being celebrated. The same personalization can be true for any funeral or memorial service.

When adding meaningful details, there are a number of things to consider. You could add personalized music, readings, symbols, actions, or choose a unique location. You could also include photos, a memorial tribute video, or serve the deceased’s favorite foods at the reception.

The options are truly endless, so check out these resources and then discuss personalization with a trusted funeral director. They will brainstorm with you, discuss the possibilities, and work to make them a reality.

Older couple sitting at home, using a calculator to determine cost; funerals aren't one-size-fits-all

5. Choose Your Budget

One important aspect of the funeral that’s in your hands is cost. While you can’t control the cost of materials, merchandise, and services, you do get to decide which ones you want. The Federal Trade Commission requires that every funeral home have a General Price List that outlines all of their services and merchandise. With this list, you can pick and choose what you want and ensure that the cost of the funeral stays within your budget.

Plus, at a good funeral home, the staff will work with you to create a personalized plan that fits your needs. So, go to the funeral home with a realistic range of what you are willing to spend on a service, and they will work with you to honor that. If they push you toward the most expensive options, that’s a warning sign that you should find another funeral home to partner with.

Mature couple sitting in the comfort of their home talking to a preplanning specialist; funerals aren't one-size-fits-all

Next Steps: Record Your Wishes for the Future

And one final thing that must be included is the importance of writing down your wishes once you’ve made decisions. It doesn’t do your family any good if you’ve decided what you want but never communicate it. Thankfully, planning ahead (also known as preplanning or advance funeral planning) is very common and can take an incredible weight off your family’s shoulders. Simply make an appointment at your chosen funeral home to get started. With your funeral plans written down, your family will have a roadmap to understanding what you want. Otherwise, they may be left scrambling after the loss, not sure what to choose.

Also, if you wish, you can pay in advance or set up a funeral insurance policy to cover the total cost. Alternatively, you can set aside funds in your personal accounts or use a life insurance policy. However, keep in mind, setting aside enough funds may be difficult due to rising costs and inflation. And with life insurance policies, funds may not be available for 6-8 weeks. This means your family may need to pay out of pocket for any funeral services and be reimbursed later.

To learn more about the benefits of planning ahead and how to pay for a funeral, check out the resources here:

By writing down your funeral wishes, you can communicate your personalized preferences to those you love. And with that information, they can make sure that your final tribute isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s the size that uniquely fits YOU.

Aug 28
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older man in funeral attire placing hand on shoulder of young woman in black blouse with black lace ribbon in hair

3 Ways an Open-Casket Funeral Helps You Heal

By Educational, Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals

When you’re planning a funeral, there are many decisions to make, including whether to have an open or closed casket service. At first glance, having an open casket at a viewing or visitation may seem old-fashioned, but did you know that many people find it essential to the healing process? Today, let’s discuss 3 key benefits to having an open-casket funeral and how each one can help you and your family heal after a loss.

Benefit #1: An Open-Casket Funeral Helps You Acknowledge the Reality of Loss

When you lose someone you love, the nature of your relationship changes. Though still a part of your life and memories, your loved one will no longer be physically present. An open-casket funeral helps you accept this difficult change by allowing you to see the body of your loved one. The ability to see a loved one can be an important first step in acknowledging the reality of your loss and the impact it will have on your life and the lives of those around you.

Benefit #2: An Open-Casket Funeral Provides a Setting for Communal Support

The loss of a loved one affects your relationships with friends and family who are also grieving. An open-casket funeral provides a communal setting where you can acknowledge how this loss changes your relationship to the deceased, but also to one another. Gathering together can lessen your grief burden, strengthen your community of support, and ease the transition to life without your loved one by your side.

Benefit #3: An Open-Casket Funeral Allows You to Say Goodbye in Person

Among the hardest things about losing a loved one are the many ways in which you’re reminded of their physical absence. Without them to see or speak to, it may be hard to recall their physical features, cherished individuality, or unique style. An open-casket funeral allows you to be near your loved one’s body one more time, to remember them as they were in life, and to say goodbye in a way that brings you closure and a sense of peace.

What’s Next?

Now that you understand the 3 key benefits of an open-casket funeral, the choice is entirely up to you and your family. In some cases, a closed casket funeral is the right choice, particularly if a loved one’s body is unrecognizable after his or her passing.

As you consider funeral details and planning options, remember that acknowledging the reality of your loss, giving and receiving support, and being able to say goodbye in person are all normal and significant needs of grief. An open-casket funeral is one well-established way of meeting those needs.

If you’d like more information about planning a personalized funeral that will bring healing to family and friends, check out these resources.

Resources for Caskets:

With an open-casket funeral, you will certainly need to consider what type of casket you’d like to use. But what should you consider when choosing a casket? While some variables, such as cost, have probably occurred to you, others may not have. Caskets come in a variety of styles, materials, and price ranges. To learn where to begin when choosing a casket, start with “5 Questions to Ask When Selecting a Casket.”

Also, if you’d prefer, your chosen funeral home may offer the ability to rent a ceremonial casket. This may be a good option if you’ve chosen cremation but still want to have an open-casket service beforehand. Read “Rental Caskets: What You Need to Know” to find out more.

Resources for Funeral Personalization:

In addition to choosing a casket, you will also want to add personal and meaningful touches to the open-casket service to reflect your loved one’s life. By doing so, your family can honor your loved one’s unique life and memory. To start planning a meaningful service that will reflect individuality and personality as well as bring healing to friends and family, take a moment to read “10 Ideas for Making a Funeral More Personal.”

As you decide the best way to honor your loved one’s life, don’t hesitate to reach out to funeral directors and funeral home staff. They can answer any questions you may have about open-casket funerals, ceremonial caskets, personalizing the service, and so much more. You don’t have to do this alone—there are people available to help you through.

Aug 22
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11 Mistakes to Avoid When Writing a Eulogy

By Educational, Meaningful Funerals

The eulogy plays an important role in the funeral by highlighting the legacy the deceased left behind. It serves as a time of reflection and helps everyone grieve together. If you’ve been asked to write a eulogy at a funeral or memorial service, you may not know where to start, and that’s okay!

While every eulogy looks different and there isn’t a specific outline you need to follow, there are a few mistakes to avoid when putting together a eulogy.

1. Reading the obituary

The obituary and the eulogy may touch on similar topics, but they play very different roles. Instead of just reading the obituary at the service, use it as a starting point. Include some biographical information in the eulogy, but focus more on telling stories about the deceased and sharing memories.

2. Forgetting to confirm facts

White blocks spelling out "eulogy" sitting on a brown wooden table

One of the most important steps in writing a eulogy is confirming the facts you plan to share. You don’t want to say that the deceased grew up in New York if they actually grew up in Chicago! Double and triple-check your facts, and get someone else who knows the deceased well to review what you’ve written.

3. Preparing without feedback from others

When writing anything, getting a second (or third or fourth) opinion is always good! Share your eulogy with another person and get their feedback about how it sounds. They can let you know if any information needs to be corrected or if some wording sounds insensitive. Plus, they may be able to give you ideas of other stories you can add to better highlight the deceased’s life.

4. Neglecting to practice

woman rehearsing a eulogy in front of her mirror

Writing the eulogy is only the first step; how you deliver it is just as important as what you say. Before the service, make sure to practice giving your eulogy. You can read it in front of the mirror to practice making eye contact and looking up from your paper. It’s also a good idea to practice giving your speech to others to get their feedback on your delivery.

5. Making it too formal

While writing, remember that you’re working on a speech, not an essay. Eulogies should be casual and personal, not too formal. Read what you’ve written out loud and see how it sounds. Do you sound like you’re talking to your friends and family or giving a formal presentation? Keep your wording informal and avoid complicated or confusing words.

6. Listing facts instead of telling a story

peach and white flowers on a grave with a heart-shaped stone engraved with "In Memory"

Typically, eulogies are under 10 minutes long. That’s not a lot of time to sum up someone’s life! Instead of listing facts about the deceased, choose a few significant stories that show the kind of person they were. If your loved one was patient, do you have a specific memory that showcases their patience? If they went out of their way to make people comfortable, do you have an example you can share? Stories will always be more engaging to the audience than a list of facts.

7. Sharing embarrassing or private details

While stories about you or the deceased embarrassing yourselves may bring you comfort as you cherish your memories with them, a eulogy isn’t the place to share them. You also shouldn’t reveal things that were told to you in confidence or share awkward, personal, or inappropriate information about the deceased.

8. Getting too specific about the death

Man standing by a casket reading aloud from a book

Eulogies are meant to highlight the legacy someone left behind and the life they lived. While it’s okay to mention the deceased’s death, try to avoid going into too many details, as that could be a trigger for the grieving family. It’s especially important not to discuss details of a sudden or traumatic death, like those due to car accidents, suicide, or homicide.

9. Airing grievances

If you’ve been asked to give a eulogy for someone you didn’t get along with or who had a negative impact on your life, keep your grievances out of the eulogy. A funeral isn’t the place to announce that the deceased owes you money! While you don’t want to lie and say someone was a great person if they weren’t, look for positive aspects of the person you can focus on instead. And, if you find yourself unable to create a positive eulogy, consider declining to give the eulogy or ask someone to help you edit yours.

10. Using inappropriate humor

microphone and flowers at a funeral ready for a eulogy

Including jokes in a eulogy is perfectly fine, especially if the deceased had a great sense of humor and the jokes fit their personality. But be respectful and avoid jokes that insult the deceased or make light of the death or the family’s grief. Keep in mind that there may be children at the service, too. If you’re unsure about a joke, run it by a discerning family member first.

11. Taking focus away from the deceased

A great way to highlight a loved one’s legacy in a eulogy is to talk about your memories of the deceased. But while talking about your relationship with them, keep the focus firmly on the person who has died. Don’t make the eulogy all about yourself or drift into unrelated topics, especially controversial topics like politics or social issues.

As you put together the eulogy, don’t stress too much about trying to make it perfect. Get feedback from those around you and share the impact the deceased made on your life and the lives of everyone around them. As long as you are respectful and thoughtful, your friends and family will appreciate your words.

More Resources for Writing a Eulogy

Aug 20
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Setting the Tone for a Service: A Collection of Funeral Songs

By Meaningful Funerals, Music, Personalization, Planning Tools

When honoring a loved one’s life with a meaningful service, it’s important to find ways to tap into the essence of who they were as a person. By adding personalized elements, you can really celebrate and lovingly remember what made them who they were. One way to add a special touch to any final tribute is to choose musical selections and funeral songs that align with your loved one’s personality, beliefs, or preferences.

Musical notes for funeral songs

You may not know where to start when choosing meaningful music, so we’ve compiled a list of funeral songs for your review. You will find songs of many genres – spiritual, classical, rock, country, and more. Browse through the list and review the articles that best fit your loved one’s lifestyle and musical preferences. May you find the perfect songs to salute your loved one’s life and highlight what made them unique and loved.

By Style or Genre

In this section, you will find songs from different types and styles of music. If something appeals to you, simply click on the heading to review the songs.

Top 10 Hymns for a Funeral Ceremony

For those who deeply loved and found comfort in the hymns of old, consider choosing one or more of these beloved tunes to grace the final tribute.

12 Modern Christian Songs for a Final Tribute

If your loved one found more comfort in modern praise and worship songs (or enjoyed a range of spiritual genres), these more modern Christian songs could add an element of hope and peace to the service.

Man playing the piano; funeral songs

Top 12 Country Songs for a Celebration of Life Service

Loved by millions around the world, country music has established itself as a musical genre that speaks to the heart in a poignant way. If your loved one had an affinity for country music, check out this list of 12 funeral songs.

11 Classical Music Songs for a Funeral Service

Classical music transcends and brings out emotions that are resting just below the service. If your loved one enjoyed classical music or was a classical musician, you might consider including one of these lovely songs in their funeral ceremony.

Top 10 Songs for a Funeral Ceremony

With songs from multiple genres, this list encourages you to pick what feels like the most appropriate tribute. There’s no right or wrong when choosing music for a loved one’s service. There’s only what reflects who they were as a person.

Woman playing a violin with an orchestra

By Decade

Did your loved one gravitate toward a particular decade of music? That could be another way to choose music to honor your loved one’s life. In this section, you will find beloved songs from each decade that could also serve as a beautiful tribute.

10 Songs from the 1940s for a Celebration of Life

The 1940s saw the beginning of new things in the music industry. The decade included everything from stirring ballads of wartime sorrow to Big Band music and the blossoming careers of artists like Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra. The 1940s offers a bounty of beautiful songs to choose from.

11 Songs from the 1950s for a Celebration of Life

With the rise of artists like Elvis Presley, Nat King Cole, and Buddy Holly, the 1950s introduced a new sound. For loved ones who grew up during this decade or had a particular affinity to it, consider checking out these funeral songs.

Close-up of record player

10 Songs from the 1960s for a Celebration of Life

With instantly recognizable classics, this list includes popular hits by Ben E. King, Elvis Presley, Johnny Cash, and The Beatles. If you are looking to add a little more groove to a loved one’s final tribute, this list may provide you with a few song ideas.

9 Songs from the 1970s for a Celebration of Life

From Simon & Garfunkel to John Denver, this curated list provides you with 9 stunning options for a celebration of life. Whether your loved one grew up in the 70s or came to appreciate its music later, you are sure to find a song to honor their life in a meaningful way.

Close-up of man playing saxophone

10 Songs from the 1980s for a Celebration of Life

The 1980s brought a distinct sound with it, and for many, it’s the anthem of their youth. On this list, you will find heartfelt tunes from Cyndi Lauper, Bette Midler, Queen, and others. Perfect for any 80s aficionado, browse the list to see if anything reflects your loved one’s unique life.

Hopefully, this compilation of musical selections helps you find music that sets the tone for your loved one’s final tribute. And if you’d like more information about personalizing the funeral, check out these resources.

NOTE: This post will be updated with new musical selections as future articles are published to Funeral Basics.

Aug 19
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Person with folded hands resting on hymn book or Holy Bible; yellow flowers nearby

Top 10 Hymns for a Funeral Ceremony

By Meaningful Funerals, Music, Planning Tools

Person with folded hands resting on hymn book or Holy Bible; yellow flowers nearby

Music is an important element of a funeral ceremony because it helps us process feelings that are difficult to put into words. As Dr. Alan Wolfelt tells us, music imprints itself on our hearts more than any other experience in life. For people of faith, these feelings are often best expressed in hymns, which are songs of devotion or praise to God. If you are looking for timeless songs of faith to honor the life of a loved one, you may want to consider using one of these 10 beautiful hymns.

1. It is Well With My Soul (written by Horatio Gates Spafford, 1873)

When peace like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
“It is well, it is well with my soul.”

Spafford’s devout hymn was composed in the midst of great tragedy. In 1873, he and his family planned to visit England via steamship, but Spafford was delayed due to business responsibilities. His wife and four daughters went ahead of him, but tragically, he received a telegram from his wife informing him that their ship had sunk in the Atlantic and their four daughters had all perished.

In the aftermath of the event, Spafford wrote one of the most memorable of all hymns. Devoid of bitterness, the song is a testament to the level of Spafford’s faith even in the worst of times. His firm belief in the return of the Lord, vividly described as a day when the clouds will be “rolled back as a scroll,” is a beautiful sentiment that reminds Christian believers of the true home ahead.

2. Great is Thy Faithfulness (written by Thomas O. Chisolm, 1923)

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

After the loss of a loved one, people often experience disorientation and confusion. How do we respond to loss, and how do we find a way to move forward in our own lives? When a loved one dies, so much changes in our lives, and the natural response is to find something to cling to. For many people, that thing is their faith.

The words of this 20th century hymn provide a reminder that some things are constant in the world. People of faith will find great comfort in singing, “Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not, / As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be.” While nothing can take away the pain of loss, this hymn reminds us that some things in life, like God and His love, always stay the same.

3. I Need Thee (written by Annie Hawks and Robert Lowry, 1872)

I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
Oh, bless me now, my Savior!
I come to Thee.

In times of grief and loss, leaning on faith can become even more important. The lyrics say, “Every hour I need thee.” Not monthly, weekly, or daily. Hourly. The speaker requires the assistance of the Lord in every activity and situation to see it through to completion. Every step of the journey is difficult and requires the presence of God.

A cry of devotion in times of hardship, this 19th century favorite touches on themes of perseverance, faith, suffering, and comfort. Funeral attendees may view this song as a request for God’s guidance through every stage of the grief journey. The acknowledgement of God’s presence encourages mourners as they prepare for a new way of life and set out on the road to healing.

4. Abide With Me (written by Henry Francis Lyte, 1847)

Abide with me, fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Faced with tuberculosis and the knowledge of his impending death, 54-year-old Henry Francis Lyte used his time of illness as an opportunity to write one of the most beautiful and well-loved of all hymns. Not surprisingly, it has become a popular choice for spiritual funerals.

The fact that Lyte was so close to death’s door makes this reflection on mortality and his personal relationship with God all the more powerful. But the song appeals not only to those nearing the end of their days, but also to mourners who are facing the end of life with their loved one’s presence. Even as “the darkness deepens,” God answers the heartfelt request that He remain near.

5. ‘Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus (written by Louisa Stead, 1882)

‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His word;
Just to rest upon His promise;
…to know, Thus saith the Lord.

Like most of the hymns on this list, this 19th century classic gives mourners a source of stability, a rock to lean on in times of hardship. Funeral audiences can find peace of mind in the knowledge that the stress, fear, and doubt that often accompany a loss are in the hands of a higher power.

Stead suggests that there is no need to hold on to anything or to assume a heavy burden. Our sole responsibility is “Just from Jesus simply taking, / life, and rest, and joy, and peace.” While this assurance does not eradicate the pain of loss, it does provide some comfort and can serve to alleviate the guilt, frustration, and stress people often wrestle with on the road to healing.

6. Guide Me, O Thou Great Redeemer (written by William Williams, 1745)

Guide me, O thou great redeemer,
Pilgrim through this barren land;
I am weak, but thou art mighty,
Hold me with thy powerful hand.

William Williams frames his most famous hymn in terms of a journey. Throughout all three stanzas, he asks God to guide him on his course. In the first stanza, he is a pilgrim wandering through a barren land. In the second, he uses imagery from Exodus 13, asking God to bring fire and a pillar of cloud to lead the way. And in the third, he is traveling across the Jordan to get to the land of Canaan.

All three images correlate to the path that the mourner takes on his grief journey. Williams’ steadfast reliance on God during times of painful and frightening transition is relatable to mourners, making this three-and-a-half-century-old hymn as timely and relevant as the day it was written.

7. In the Sweet By and By (written by Sanford Fillmore Bennett, 1868)

There’s a land that is fairer than day,
And by faith we can see it afar;
For the Father waits over the way
To prepare us a dwelling place there.

This hopeful and faith-driven song communicates a sense of peace to the listener by drawing upon imagery of another, happier land. For funeral audiences, the song’s words of a faraway shore imply that loved ones are at peace with the Lord. While this knowledge doesn’t take away the pain that mourners feel, it offers some light during a difficult time.

Bennett claims that after death, “Our spirits shall sorrow no more, / Not a sigh for the blessing of rest.” This emphasis on rest and peace encourages loved ones and provides them with inner strength as they work through their grief.

8. Leaning on the Everlasting Arms (written by Anthony J. Showalter and Elisha Hoffman, 1887)

What have I to dread, what have I to fear,
Leaning on the everlasting arms?
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

When it comes to comforting hymns, this beautiful song of surrender is unmatched. The three stanzas, accompanied by a simple refrain, contain everything that you could want in a song for a religious funeral: a gorgeous melody, a modest length, and reassuring words of peace. Leaning on the Everlasting Arms is to religious hymns what Psalm 23 is to religious writing. It is a perfect lyrical distillation of the human soul’s devotion to God.

For mourners faced with the emotional exhaustion that accompanies the loss of a loved one, it’s a blessing to hear that one can lean on the everlasting arms of God and rest “safe and secure from all alarms.” The theme of security applies equally well to those who are living and to those who have passed on. God’s love and peace is available in the here and now, as well as in the hereafter.

9. Amazing Grace (written by John Newton, 1779)

When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’d first begun.

Probably the most famous of all hymns, this song of redemption penned by a slave-trader-turned-abolitionist has captured the hearts of countless Christians. While certain stanzas dealing with sin and repentance may seem less suited to a funeral audience, the song’s reputation as a Christian anthem makes it a great choice for any religious event.

And there’s no doubt that the final stanza, with its beautiful depiction of the afterlife, will speak directly to mourners. Amazing Grace taps into the essence of what it means to believe in God, and the universal love that believers bestow on it indicates that it is a powerful representation of faith. For a funeral ceremony, you may want to consider singing at least a few stanzas of this masterpiece.

10. I’ll Fly Away (written by Albert E. Brumley, 1929)

Just a few more weary days and then,
I’ll fly away;
To a land where joy shall never end,
I’ll fly away.

This extremely popular gospel song speaks to our desire for peace and how death is a time of joy and rest. By framing life’s transience in a positive light, the song encourages us to see the full scope of the story, the larger picture. The troubles and pains of this life are but a tiny moment in time compared to the eternal land that awaits.

The upbeat melody conveys not only joy and peace, but also confidence and steadfastness. “I’ll fly away” is not spoken as a mere possibility but as a true reality. To sing this familiar gospel song in a funeral setting is to feel the pain of absence while simultaneously receiving the assurance that the spirit of a loved one has “flown away” to be with the Lord.

This list is far from comprehensive, so if you didn’t find a hymn that speaks to your heart, that’s okay. Look at songs in your faith tradition. What hymns did your loved one often sing? Are there any hymns that came up often in church or at home? No matter what they are, choose the hymns that best reflect your loved one’s life, personality, and beliefs.

If you’d like more options that are similar, check out “12 Modern Christian Songs for a Final Tribute” or “11 Classical Music Songs for a Funeral Service.” Or for a wider selection of funeral songs, read “Setting the Tone for a Funeral: A Collection of Funeral Songs.”

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