Meaningful Funerals Archives

Jul 22

How to Personalize the Location of a Funeral

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Personalization, Planning Tools

The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness?

You can choose music uniquely suited to your loved one’s interests. You could include readings or symbols or healing actions that are meaningful and tailored to your lost loved one’s preferences. Another way you can personalize the funeral is by choosing a location for the service that fits who they were as a person. Let’s discuss the possibilities.

First, Why Does Personalization Matter?

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected grief counselor and author, believes that personalizing the funeral is critical to honoring a loved one’s life and finding healing after loss. He says:

“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.”

In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!

How to Personalize the Location of a Funeral

Depending on what events you decide to include, you have many options for choosing a unique location. If you have a service, a visitation, and a gathering, you could choose separate places for each. For example, the visitation could take place at the funeral home, the service at your local church, and the gathering at your loved one’s Rotary Club, favorite restaurant, or wherever you wish.

The point of choosing a specific location is to add an extra element of meaningful personalization to the funeral, so it really feels like the best way to honor your loved one’s life.

Here are a few ideas for choosing a personalized location:

1. Choose a convenient place

Sometimes, the easiest and best option is to have the funeral or memorial service at the funeral home itself. Many funeral homes offer beautiful facilities and will let you decorate the room to reflect your loved one’s life. You could include photos, mementoes, cherished possessions, flowers, balloons, whatever seems to appropriately reflect your loved one’s hobbies and interests.

Alternatively, you could choose to host the service in your own or the deceased’s home. While this option is not as popular, it could be convenient for your family and would allow you to have the service in a comfortable environment.

2. Choose a place of worship

For those who are religious, having the service at a place of worship may be the best location for your loved one. Your funeral director will help you coordinate with a local church, synagogue, mosque, or other place of worship. And if it’s allowed, you could also add special touches to that location that will reflect your loved one’s unique life.

3. Choose a place related to their interests

Another option is to select a place that has special meaning to your loved one. If they coached little league, perhaps you could hold part of the ceremony at the local baseball diamond. If they were part of a gardening club, you might be able to host the ceremony at the rose garden. For those who loved the beach, ask friends and family to come to a memorial service at sunset. Again, chat with your funeral director about the options. The funeral home staff will do everything they legally can to make your wishes become reality.

4. Choose a place related to their professional career

For those deeply dedicated to their career or field of study, you could select a location that is significant to their achievements. For example, you could choose to bury a veteran in a national cemetery and have the service there. Or for a mariner, you could opt for a service and burial at sea. For those dedicated to teaching or the medical field, you could possibly hold a ceremony at their university, school, or hospital. While some professional spaces will be off-limits, you never know unless you ask.

No matter what you choose for the location of a funeral, make sure that you add other meaningful touches to the event. These special touches combined will make the service even more touching and healing.

Additional Personalization Resources

If you’d like more information about how to personalize the funeral, give these resources a quick read:

Jul 16

Love0

Top 10 Songs for a Funeral Ceremony

By Courtney Cook Meaningful Funerals, Music

Music can be a powerful component of the funeral ceremony because it allows us to process our feelings in a very special way. Grief counselor and educator Dr. Alan Wolfelt says that music imprints itself on the heart more than any other experience in life. Music can help us express our emotions in unique ways that words cannot.

As you select songs for your loved one’s funeral service, think about songs that were meaningful to them; almost any song that your loved one enjoyed could be used in their service. If you’re unsure where to start, though, here are 10 great songs you can incorporate into your loved one’s funeral or memorial service.

Fire and Rain (James Taylor)

Won’t you look down upon me, Jesus
You’ve got to help me make a stand
You’ve just got to see me through another day

This enormously popular early ’70s hit, written and passionately sung by the great James Taylor, contains many themes that apply to a funeral audience: the loss of a friend, praying for help from a higher power, and attempts to stand firm during times of “fire and rain.” The peaceful and sweet melody balances the honest and vulnerable lyrics, capturing both the complexity of the grieving process and the various emotions people experience in the aftermath of loss.

Stand by Me (Ben E. King)

Oh, I won’t be afraid
Just as long as you stand
Stand by me

This classic pop song is simple and direct, but that doesn’t mean it lacks depth or heart. An instantly recognizable anthem of love and perseverance, the song strikes just the right note for a funeral, conveying hope amid painful circumstances. When we go through difficult times, we all need someone to stand by and support us, and this song beautifully encapsulates that need. It’s been covered many times by a number of talented artists, but the original is preferable for its familiarity and for King’s raw energy.

You Raise Me Up (Westlife)

I am strong
When I am on your shoulders
You raise me up
To more than I can be

While several bands have covered “You Raise Me Up,” Westlife’s version is one of the most popular. With lyrics that remind us that we are stronger because of the people we surround ourselves with, this song would be a beautiful tribute to a parent or mentor who was always there to support those around them. Additionally, for those who are religious, “You Raise Me Up” can be seen as a reminder that during times of grief, we can turn to God for support.

You’re My Best Friend (Don Williams)

You placed gold on my finger
You brought love like I’ve never known
You gave life to our children
And to me a reason to go on

This song’s simple, straightforward lyrics beautifully capture the love between a married couple. Don Williams delivers some of the most heartfelt and heartbreaking lines ever recorded as a tribute to the person who is his “anchor in life’s oceans.” Losing someone you love, lean on, and find comfort in is one of the hardest things you can go through, and this song can serve as a heartfelt tribute to honor the memory of a spouse or long-time partner.

We’ll Meet Again (Vera Lynn)

We’ll meet again
Don’t know where
Don’t know when
But I know we’ll meet again some sunny day

Vera Lynn’s 1939 classic has undeniably been a favorite choice for funeral services for many years. Written on the eve of the Second World War, it captured the sentiments of many families who had to say goodbye as their loved ones left for battle. But this British tune has taken on a deeper meaning as families have used it in funerals for their loved ones. Vera Lynn’s piercing voice conveys hope in the face of loss in a way that carries universal appeal, and many people have used it to say goodbye to someone they love.

Into the West (Annie Lennox)

Across the sea
A pale moon rises
The ships have come to carry you home

While it was composed for the end credits of the 2003 film The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, respect for this song extends far beyond Tolkien fans. The universal appeal of the lyrics and Lennox’s breathtaking vocal performance make it a great choice for a funeral service. The nature-driven imagery highlights both the pain of loss and the hope of a peaceful rest for a loved one. Lennox’s faith-driven assurance that “you and I will meet again” makes this a particularly good choice for religious ceremonies.

Tears in Heaven (Eric Clapton)

Beyond the door
There’s peace I’m sure
And I know there’ll be no more
Tears in heaven

Written after the loss of his 4-year-old son, “Tears in Heaven” is a moving piece about Clapton’s grief journey. The gorgeous melody, masterful acoustic guitar work, and heartfelt lyrics are perfect for honoring the life of a loved one. Over the past 25 years, the song has sprung up in many funerals, and its popularity isn’t surprising. “Tears in Heaven” portrays a bold and honest struggle with grief, while the profoundly personal nature of the song resonates with many families who have lost loved ones.

Landslide (Fleetwood Mac)

Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older too

Once they released their self-titled 1975 album, Fleetwood Mac exploded into the mainstream. The album features many of the band’s most popular songs, but Landslide, a heartfelt exploration of loss and change, packs the greatest emotional wallop. A great choice to honor the memory of a parent or close loved one, this gentle pop song has been a favorite at memorial services for many years.

See You Again (Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth)

So let the light guide your way, yeah
Hold every memory as you go
And every road you take
Will always lead you home

The most recent song on this list, See You Again, was written and recorded for Furious 7 (2015) as a goodbye to Paul Walker, one of the main actors who died suddenly during the movie’s production. Charlie Puth’s heartfelt vocals and Wiz Khalifa’s nostalgic rap work together to create a song filled with both the grief of loss and gratitude for the happy memories together. In recent years, this song has struck a chord with many grieving families and captured the hope of a time when we’ll be reunited with the loved ones we’ve lost.

My Way (Frank Sinatra)

I’ve lived a life that’s full
I’ve traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Sinatra’s anthem is undeniably one of the most popular funeral songs, and it’s easy to see why. This classic song celebrates a life well lived and is a testament to the power of the individual and the impact that they can have on the world. In addition, the beautiful lyrics and Sinatra’s powerful voice work together to create a bold, heartfelt sound. A fitting tribute to a loved one who embraced life to the fullest and faced “the final curtain” with dignity, “My Way” is still a timeless song to honor a loved one.

For more suggestions on songs to include at a funeral service, check out the resources below:

By decade:

Jul 11

Love0

Woman in black clothing holding a white rose; funeral and gathering

How to Personalize the Gathering at a Funeral

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals

The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can use the gathering to personalize a loved one’s final tribute and create funeral events that are truly special and meaningful.

First, Why Does Personalization Matter?

A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about the gathering and how including it after the funeral or memorial service can add beautiful options for creating meaningful moments.

How to Personalize the Gathering at a Funeral

The gathering is an opportunity for friends and family to come together after the funeral service to share stories and to support each other. It’s also the perfect time for personalization! The point of a gathering is to bring people together directly following the service to share stories, remember a loved one, and connect (or reconnect) with people. During times of grief, it’s essential to take time to support each other and swap stories about the beloved person who has died.

1. Choose a meaningful or convenient venue

When choosing the location of a gathering, you have many available options. You could have the gathering at your home, the deceased’s favorite restaurant, park, beach, or wherever you choose. Alternatively, if you’d prefer to keep things simple, many funeral homes offer event centers or gathering spaces that you can decorate to reflect your loved one’s life. This way, there’s no need for anyone to travel anywhere to attend the gathering. If you aren’t sure what to do or have questions, speak with your funeral director. They can help you understand your options.

2. Serve your loved one’s favorite foods

Most of the time, the gathering includes eating good food, seeing good people, and sharing good memories. To make the gathering more personalized, consider serving your loved one’s favorite foods.

That may mean catering from a local restaurant or asking everyone to bring a potluck dish. It could mean serving key lime pie with Pepsi on the side. Perhaps you should include a selection of beef jerky or a potato bar. Maybe your loved one was passionate about bread, so you could order pastries galore from the local bakery.

You know your loved one best – what foods brought them joy? Consider including those at the gathering in their memory.

3. Showcase memories from your loved one’s life

Depending on the venue you choose, you could have a lot of room for creativity. To add special, meaningful touches to the gathering, bring photographs and display them. Perhaps bring a few cherished possessions or mementoes. You could decorate the tables with centerpieces of your loved one’s favorite color, sports team, hobby, or whatever seems best.

The main point? Add elements to the gathering that reflect who your loved one was as a person. Without making it complicated, think about little touches that will make people think, “This would make Joe happy” or “Goodness, Maggie would just smile if she could see this” (insert your loved one’s name).

4. Give guests the opportunity to express their feelings

You can give guests the opportunity to express themselves in many ways. At the funeral service, you may have asked only a few people to give a eulogy, but at the gathering, you could open the floor to others to briefly share memories or sentiments about the person who has died. Alternatively, you could include note cards for people to write down memories. You could give away a remembrance token, like a printed photo of the person who has died or a postcard from their personal collection. There are a variety of options – the only limit is your imagination.

Questions to Help You Brainstorm

If personalization ideas aren’t already coming to mind, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm different ways you could customize the gathering.

Did your loved one have any hobbies or interests you could incorporate?
Is there a particular item or animal they loved?
Was there a book, movie, play, charity, etc., that they particularly enjoyed?
Do you want to give guests the opportunity to publicly share memories?
Is there a meaningful place or just somewhere that brought your loved one joy? And could you host the gathering there?

Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for finding ways to add meaningful touches to the gathering. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.

For more assistance with personalizing the funeral service or the gathering, check out these resources:

Jun 20

Love0

People standing next to a casket, holding white flowers

How to Personalize Healing Actions at a Funeral

By christy.kessler Educational, Meaningful Funerals, Personalization, Planning Tools

The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can incorporate healing actions to personalize a loved one’s final tribute and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.

 First, Why Does Personalization Matter?

“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.”  – Dr. Alan Wolfelt

A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors a life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about healing actions and their vital role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!

How to Personalize Healing Actions at a Funeral

During times of grief, healing actions allow us to put our inward feelings into outward action. For example, it’s therapeutic to take flowers to a loved one’s grave or write down what we’re feeling or sit down to chat with a friend about cherished memories. These types of actions help us heal. But how can you incorporate healing actions into a funeral service?

1. Add a group activity

One option is to create an activity that everyone can participate in. For example, provide notecards for mourners to write down memories to share with the grieving family. Create a group photo collage by requesting that people bring a photo of themselves with the person who has died. If your loved one was an RC plane hobbyist, ask their buddies to do a flyover at the graveside service. Set a theme – a favorite color, movie, sports team – and ask mourners to dress accordingly. There are many ways to invite people into healing actions while keeping it simple.

2. Include a release or lighting ceremony

With a release ceremony, the idea is to release something into the sky, as a symbolic way of releasing a loved one’s spirit to heaven. You could choose to release butterflies, doves, or whatever else makes sense for your family (as long as it doesn’t harm the environment). On the other hand, a lighting ceremony allows mourners to light candles of remembrance in honor of the person who has died. Talk with your funeral director about your options and find what works best for your needs.

3. Ask people to participate in specific roles

Throughout the funeral or memorial service, there will be opportunities for people to step in and participate in healing actions. You could ask family or friends to act as eulogists, readers, singers, musicians, or pallbearers. If you plan to host a gathering after the service, consider potluck style and request that people bring dishes. Ask friends to act as greeters or ushers. Active participation will make people feel included and like they truly had a chance to honor that special person.

4. Incorporate traditional healing elements

Finally, there is great comfort in tradition. Feel free to include customary healing actions, like a funeral procession, viewing of the body, visitation, or graveside service. The ultimate goal is that mourners feel they have been part of a proper sendoff and said goodbye in a way that brings peace. Speak with your funeral director about including traditional healing elements in the service so you can decide which ones make the most sense for your loved one’s final tribute.

Questions to Help You Brainstorm

Perhaps ideas are already coming to mind about how you can incorporate healing actions into the final tribute – that’s great! However, for those who may be drawing a blank, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what kinds of actions you could include at a service.

Did your loved one enjoy a particular sport/activity that could be included?
Is there something special you could release?
Would you like to set a theme?
Were they of a profession where a special tribute could be included (police officer, fireman, veteran, etc.)?

Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for selecting actions that will not only personalize the funeral but add special meaning. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.

For additional inspiration, here are more articles on healing actions that may help:

Jun 18

Love0

Woman in light blue, long-sleeved shirt siting on couch with computer in front of her, reviewing a piece of paper

8 Tips for Crafting a Eulogy

By christy.kessler Educational, Meaningful Funerals

Have you been asked to give a eulogy at a special person’s final tribute? While it’s an honor to be asked, it can be a little intimidating. You might be concerned you won’t say the right thing, especially if this is your first time giving a eulogy. The most important part is to be sincere about your comments, but for a little extra advice, here are 8 tips to help you when crafting a eulogy.

7 Tips for Crafting a Eulogy

A eulogy is a speech given at a funeral or memorial service that celebrates the life of a friend or loved one. It comes from the Greek word eulogia, which means “to praise.” Eulogies can be as short as three or four minutes, or as long as fifteen to twenty (when in doubt, it’s best to stay short). Here are 8 tips for crafting a eulogy that will help you write and present a meaningful tribute.

1. Brainstorm First

Begin by pouring your thoughts out on paper. Record fond memories of important events and details in the person’s life. What were some of your favorite moments with this person? What did you admire most about him or her? At this point, it is essential that you don’t judge your work. The hardest part is starting, so just let your ideas flow. The most effective way to write is to turn off your “inner critic” until you have plenty of material to work with.

2. Structure Your Work

Once you have a sufficient body of information on the page, then you can go back, think critically, and make edits. Decide which details are important and worthwhile, and which ones would be irrelevant or even harmful to mention. Remember that the eulogy is a time of “praise” and that this is a time for positive memories only. Organize your thoughts and create smooth transitions between stories and commentary.

3. Keep the Focus on the Deceased

While it’s important to establish who you are and your relationship to the person who has died, keep the focus primarily on the deceased. In other words, make your comments personal, but don’t let your memories of the deceased become self-centered or self-serving. Avoid unnecessary tangents or sharing details that don’t pertain to the deceased directly. Establish your identity to provide the proper context, but never lose sight of honoring the deceased’s life and accomplishments.

4. Go for a Conversational Tone

If any portions of your speech sound dry or formal, adopt a more casual approach. A conversational tone is preferred because it feels more personal. When trying for a more casual, conversational tone, pretend that you are talking with someone one-on-one. Don’t try to use flowery or elaborate words. Keep your sentences relatively short and clear. Read your work aloud, and if you trip over sections, adjust them to read more easily.

5. Be Specific

If any portions of your speech sound too vague or general, find ways to make them more specific. Pack your eulogy with vivid stories and details. Adopt a style that captures the spirit of your friend or loved one. When celebrating the character of the deceased, provide examples to back up your praise. Recall specific things that the person said or did. Don’t be afraid to express your sadness, but if you have any humorous stories, consider sharing them, too.

6. Contact the Other Speakers

If multiple people will be delivering eulogies at the funeral or memorial service, consider contacting the other speakers to get a general idea of what they will be saying and how your eulogy will fit into the overall picture. For example, if everyone shares the same stories, the eulogies may become a little redundant and less meaningful. Also, try to get a sense of how long the others will be speaking, so that you can time your own speech accordingly.

7. Share a Draft with the Family

After you’ve put together a speech that you’re proud of, consider sharing a draft with the family. This way, if there are details they’d like you to add or remove, you can do so before the day of the funeral. And knowing that you have their blessing may help you feel more relaxed and at ease when you get in front of the podium. After all, if the family approves, that’s all that matters.

8. Rehearse Your Speech

Once you’ve completed the speech and edited it to your liking, practice it several times through. Examine your body language and delivery in the mirror or present it to a trusted person and ask for feedback. Keep a calm and steady rhythm. When people get anxious during a public speech, they tend to speak more quickly. Be aware of this tendency ahead of time so that you can slow yourself down and ensure that your words are impactful and understood.

Feeling Nervous? You’re Not Alone

If you’re nervous about public speaking, you’re not alone. Almost 75% of the population has speech anxiety. Much of this anxiety stems from the irrational belief that the speech must be perfect, that any sign of error or any hint of nervousness on the part of the speaker will be scrutinized by the audience. This simply isn’t true. These unrealistic expectations put a burden on you that you can’t possibly live up to. Instead, take a deep breath, relax, and remember that the people listening love and support you. Your best effort is good enough.

For more information about eulogies and how to write one, check out these helpful resources:

How to Personalize the Eulogy at a Funeral
How to Write a Eulogy
What is a Eulogy?
4 Reasons Why Eulogies are Important
Eulogies & Sharing a Loved One’s Legacy

Jun 13

Love0

How Poetry Can Help You on Your Grief Journey

By christy.kessler Funeral Poems, Grief/Loss, Meaningful Funerals

Did you know that poetry can play an important role in the grieving process? While poetry readings are becoming less common in everyday life, they are still widely used in important rituals and ceremonies, including funerals. Our willingness to use poetry to mark important events indicates that we still understand the power of poetry and are drawn to it, even if only on special occasions.

What’s So Great About Poetry?

A great poem captures essential truths about the human condition. Through the precise arrangement of a few carefully chosen words, the poet explores universal themes and attempts to describe an aspect of human experience. Good poems are relatable. Writing a poem allows us to express ourselves to others, and reading it cultivates empathy and reminds us how much alike we really are. Poetry reminds us of what it means to be human–to feel joy and pain, to laugh and to cry, to celebrate the wonders of life and to face our mortality. In this way, it connects us to the people around us.

Reading Poetry to Enhance a Funeral Service

In a funeral setting, poetry reading can be a powerful ritual. It honors the life of a loved one and strengthens the bonds between those who mourn. Whether the poems chosen are mournful or inspirational and uplifting, they can serve as an opportunity to reflect on the life of the deceased. Funeral poems can help us search for meaning in the loss and can bring us into a state of contemplation. Poetry reading is a communal experience: it allows everybody present to share a profound moment together.

Therapeutic Benefits

Poetry can also be useful after the funeral ceremony, in the weeks, months, even years after the loss of a loved one. Studies suggest that any form of reading can be therapeutic, and poems can be especially useful because of their contemplative, even spiritual, qualities. The grief journey is not linear. Long after a loved one has passed, sporadic periods of intense grief can crop up. During these difficult times, it might be useful to consider reading poetry. The poetryfoundation.org is a great place to start.

Writing Your Own Poems

In addition to reading, you may also find it helpful to write poems of your own. Grief experts consider grief journaling to be a healthy way to channel painful emotions. In many ways, writing poems can function as a sophisticated form of journaling. Writing is a healthy means of self-expression that allows you to better process your thoughts and to comprehend what you are feeling. The great poet Robert Frost once said, “Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words.” In short, poems help us to better understand our emotions. Understanding what we feel is incredibly useful during times of grief, when we experience confusing or paradoxical emotions. By putting your feelings into words, you open the door to self-discovery.

Using Poetry as a Place of Refuge

Not all of the poems that you use during the grieving process have to deal directly with death. Poetry can be an effective outlet for dealing with painful emotions. Additionally, poetry can also provide a refuge from the pain and stress that comes after a loss. Taking a few moments out of your day to read soothing poems can be refreshing. Consider going to a favorite spot, where you can read or write peacefully without distractions. You may find that this activity calms your mind and relieves stress.

Try It!

If you have recently lost a loved one, consider utilizing poetry to help you on your grief journey. Whether you’re thinking about incorporating poems into a funeral service, looking for poems to read personally, or considering writing some poems of your own, find ways to take advantage of the benefits that poetry can offer.

Jun 02

Love0

Orange walkman with pile of cassette tapes beside it

10 Songs from the 1980s for a Celebration of Life

By christy.kessler Meaningful Funerals, Music, Planning Tools

Orange walkman with pile of cassette tapes beside it

When it comes to planning a loved one’s celebration of life or final tribute, music plays a pivotal role. It sets the tone and invites people to express their emotions openly. To create a truly personal tribute, it’s important to choose songs that are meaningful or significant in some way. For those who grew up through the decade – or just love the music from that decade – here’s a list of 1980s songs to consider including at a loved one’s celebration of life.

1. Always Something There to Remind Me (Naked Eyes – 1982)

Oh, how can I forget you?When there is always something there to remind meAlways something there to remind me

An enduring cover of the original song, this 1980s version has become a true classic. As with many love songs, its focus on love, loss, and memory makes it an appropriate song for a funeral or memorial service. As the lyrics state, how can we ever forget those we love? We won’t and that’s as it should be. Those we have loved and lost will continue to live on in our hearts and memories for the remainder of our lives.

2. Time After Time (Cyndi Lauper – 1984)

If you’re lost, you can look, and you will find meTime after timeIf you fall, I will catch you, I’ll be waitingTime after time

Anyone familiar with the best jams from the 80s will know this catchy title. Cyndi Lauper’s first #1 hit in the United States, its message is both bittersweet and hopeful. For the grieving, its discussion of feeling confused, experiencing flashbacks, and having suitcases of memories may feel familiar. You may feel the same way. But as the song says, even when you’re feeling lost, you can find your loved one – look to your memories!

3. Endless Love (Diana Ross & Lionel Richie – 1981)

Ooh, yesYou will always beMy endless love

For those who are mourning the loss of a spouse or partner, this gorgeous song may be a worthy addition to a celebration of life. Not only does the music cascade around you and carry you with it, but its lyrics are unforgettable. Having an “endless love” is a beautiful thing and a true gift in this life. If that’s true of your relationship with someone, consider including this classic to honor and celebrate that love.

4. Wind Beneath My Wings (Bette Midler – 1988)

Did you ever know that you’re my heroAnd everything I would like to be?I can fly higher than an eagleFor you are the wind beneath my wings

Part of the soundtrack for the movie Beaches, this moving rendition highlights the relationships in our lives that make us feel encouraged, lifted up, and capable of so much more. Perhaps one of the most-played funeral songs, it’s perfect to honor a mentor, a parent, or someone who has been a constant source of love and support in your life.

5. Total Eclipse of the Heart (Bonnie Tyler – 1983)

(Turn around)
Every now and then
I get a little bit tired
Of listening to the sound of my tears

While this recognizable tune may seem an unusual addition to the list, it describes the grieving process very well. Sometimes, you will feel lonely, tired, nervous, or a bit terrified. You may occasionally feel like you’re falling apart. Just as the singer is experiencing an eclipse of the heart through the dissolution of a relationship, so are you – through the death of a loved one.

6. Goodbye My Friend (Linda Ronstadt & Aaron Neville – 1989)

So goodbye my friendI know I’ll never see you againBut the time together through all the yearsWill take away these tears

Though not Linda Ronstadt’s most well-known song, this one still hits the mark. It speaks about the unexpectedness of death but also how the good times – the cherished memories – will carry you through the grief journey ahead. In fact, it’s those memories and the love you shared that will take away the tears. With its focus on friendship, this song is a good addition to a final tribute for someone you considered a dear friend.

7. Who Wants to Live Forever (Queen – 1986)

And we can have foreverAnd we can love foreverForever is our today

A true legend, Queen produced music that still speaks to us today. With its ethereal and absolutely stunning sound, “Who Wants to Live Forever” forces us to confront a question we rarely ask ourselves. Do we really want to live forever? And the song suggests that rather than trying to life forever, let’s instead make the most of the “one sweet moment set aside for us.” This song is perfect for the Queen enthusiast or someone who thought about the deep things in life.

8. How Am I Supposed to Live Without You (Michael Bolton – 1983)

Tell me, how am I supposed to live without you?
Now that I’ve been loving you so long

In his signature style, Michael Bolton takes us along for an emotional experience with this heart-wrenching song. As with many love songs, it works well as a funeral song for a beloved spouse or partner. After loss, the future may look scary or unfamiliar, and you may not be sure how you are supposed to live without that special person. The lyrics perfectly capture that sense of love, loss, and trying to find the way forward.

9. I’ll Be Loving You (Forever) – (New Kids on the Block – 1989)

We’ve gone too far to ever turn back nowThis love will last foreverI can see it all now

With its soft cadence and soothing melody, this song from New Kids on the Block will set the tone for any celebration of life. With softness and kindness, its lyrics help us remember that when we lose someone we love, they are never truly gone. Love lasts forever – far beyond the years we have together. While this song naturally lends itself to being used for the final tribute for a significant other, you could also use it for a female sibling, parent, or friend.

10. Forever Young (Rod Stewart – 1988)

Be courageous and be braveAnd in my heart you’ll always stayForever young, forever young

Written by Rod Stewart with his children in mind, “Forever Young” became an instant classic. The song doubles as a reminder that our loved ones will be forever young, forever alive, in our memories. No matter what life may bring in the years ahead, your loved one will be remembered and never forgotten. Consider this song for honoring the life of a parent, a child, a young person, or someone who was eternally young at heart.

Songs from other decades

Other musical options for a meaningful funeral

May 27

Love0

How to Personalize Symbols at a Funeral

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Personalization, Planning Tools

The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can use symbols to personalize a loved one’s final tribute and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.

 First, Why Does Personalization Matter?

A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about symbols and their role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!

How to Personalize Symbols at a Funeral

Symbols are an important aspect of a funeral because they convey love and comfort, facilitate expression, and offer a focus point for the bereaved. Common symbols are an appropriate religious symbol, flowers, personal items, candles, or whatever feels best to honor your loved one.

1. Include appropriate religious symbols

For people of faith, consider including religious symbols at the service. At a Catholic or Protestant Christian funeral, this could mean placing the Bible or a cross in a prominent location. For Jewish funerals, perhaps you could include the Star of David or read meaningful passages from the Torah. Depending on the religion the person followed, there are many possible symbols to incorporate that would honor their beliefs. If the person whose life you want to celebrate wasn’t religious, check out How to Plan a Healing Funeral if You Are Not Religious.

2. Include cultural or traditional elements

Another possible source for symbols is cultural or traditional elements. For example, it’s customary in the United States to place the casket or urn in a place of prominence so that it will be the focal point of a service. Or you could have a funeral procession, which acts as a symbol of respect and final rest. Drape a flag over a veteran’s casket or urn. Also, consider including cultural elements. For example, in many Asian countries, white is the color of mourning. You may choose to include white flowers or white accents to honor that tradition.

3. Turn special items into symbols

If you’d like an even more personal option, you can turn special items into symbols. For one grieving family, an appropriate symbol was the quilts their grandmother made. Before her death, she made a quilt for every child and grandchild, and at her final tribute, the quilts were displayed on the pews – a representation of her love and impact on her family. You could use a prized record collection, personal artwork, or even bring their Harley-Davidson into the venue.

4. Invite guests to participate

If you’d like to add a much broader symbolic element to a loved one’s final tribute, consider inviting guests to participate. You could ask everyone to wear the deceased’s favorite color. If they were a Harry Potter or Star Wars fan, ask people to wear something in that theme. You could ask guests to bring in a favorite photo to add to a group collage set up near the casket or urn. There are so many ways to include others in adding meaningful symbolism to a funeral service.

Questions to Help You Brainstorm

If ideas aren’t coming to mind already, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what kinds of symbols you could include at a service.

Are there any traditional funeral elements that bring you comfort?
Is there a part of your cultural or religious background that should be included?
Did your loved one collect anything?
Was your loved one part of any groups that have recognizable symbols?
Did their choice of career include any symbols, such as a stethoscope for a doctor?

Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for choosing symbols that will not only personalize the funeral but add special meaning as well. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.

Apr 24

Love0

Microphone ready for eulogy; white and red flowers and chairs in the background

How to Personalize the Eulogy at a Funeral

By christy.kessler Meaningful Funerals, Personalization, Planning Tools

The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about different ways you can personalize the eulogy and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.

 First, Why Does Personalization Matter?

A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways.  Now, let’s talk about eulogies and their vital role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!

How to Personalize the Eulogy at a Funeral

In many ways, the eulogy may be the single most important aspect of a loved one’s service. It’s a time to acknowledge and affirm the significance of their life. A time to share memories, to reflect on important life lessons, and to celebrate who they were as a unique individual. The eulogy can be delivered by a clergy person, a family member, or even by a series of people, and it’s important to be thoughtful and intentional about the tribute you give.

1. Share cherished memories

When crafting a eulogy, consider what comes to mind when you think about the person who has died. What are your most significant memories with them? If they were a prankster, share their best jokes or tricks. For animal lovers, talk about beloved pets. If there are family memories that bring joy, paint a picture of those moments. Were they a board game enthusiast? Give the audience a retelling of an epic game. You can go many different directions with the eulogy, based on your loved one’s life and the most meaningful moments you shared.

2. Highlight community involvement

Some people are known for their contribution to the community, and it would be remiss not to mention their volunteer work. You might consider also asking fellow volunteers or organization leaders to step up and give a short eulogy. Alternatively, if your loved had a career that positively impacted others, you could invite colleagues to say a few words. No matter where they volunteered or how they gave back to the community, there are people who can speak to that specific aspect of your loved one’s life and honor their commitment and dedication to a cause.

3. Bring visual aids

Another option for personalizing the eulogy is to bring visual aids. This might sound a little odd at first, but visual aids can increase the impact of the eulogy. For example, if you are sharing memories, bring a slideshow of related photos and use them to emphasize your storytelling. Or, if your loved one was an artist, bring a particularly meaningful project with you and share its significance. There are so many items you could bring as visual aids. You could bring anything from crafts like quilts to sports equipment like golf clubs or a fishing pole. The funeral home can even work with you to bring in larger visual aids, such as a motorcycle or something similar.

4. Use your personal talents to create a unique tribute

Sometimes, words aren’t enough, and we must express ourselves in other ways. If you are a songwriter, you could compose a song in honor of your loved one and include it in your eulogy. For those who are more artistic, consider painting, drawing, or building something that showcases your love for the person who has died and share its meaning in the eulogy. Are you a dancer? Choreograph a routine to the tune of your loved one’s favorite song. While the eulogy is about honoring the person who has died, it’s also about your grief journey and how you want to honor their life. Don’t be afraid to use your talents to say goodbye.

Questions to Help You Brainstorm

If ideas aren’t coming to mind already, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what you could include in a meaningful eulogy at a service.

Are there any memories that are particularly meaningful to you?
Did you and your loved one share a hobby or interest?
Was your loved one involved in community work?
If people were to describe your loved one, what would they say?
Were they passionate about something in particular?
Were they family-famous for anything?

Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for crafting a eulogy that will honor your loved one’s life beautifully. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.

For additional inspiration, here are more articles on eulogies that may help:

Apr 18

Love0

Person wearing black coat and holding white memorial flower

7 Tips for Planning a Memorial Service

By christy.kessler Educational, Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals

Do you know the main difference between a memorial service and a funeral service? At a funeral service, the deceased’s body is present, either in an open or closed casket. However, at a memorial service, the body is not present and a framed portrait or an urn serves as the focal point, instead of a casket.

You can have a memorial service with either burial or cremation; it all depends on whether the body is present at the service or not. Both options will beautifully honor a loved one’s life – it just depends on your family’s preferences.

If you aren’t sure how to proceed, let’s discuss why having a service is important and 7 helpful tips for planning a memorial service.

Does Having a Service Matter?

Having some sort of ceremony or opportunity to mourn the death of someone loved allows you to acknowledge the reality of the situation and serves as a good first step on the road to healing. According to a study conducted among adults aged 40+, “82 percent said that a service was helpful in paying tribute to or commemorating the life of a friend or family member” and “72 percent believed services they attended were an important part of the healing process.”

Memorial services allow for a great deal of flexibility if additional time is needed to gather together as a family. In fact, it is not uncommon for a memorial service to be held a month or more after the death. Whether you decide on a funeral or a memorial service, it’s important to remember the role that memorialization plays in the grieving process. Spend some time thinking about the type of service that would best honor your loved one’s life and spirit.

7 Tips for Planning a Memorial Service

If you decide to honor your loved one with a memorial service, there are many important choices you will need to make. Here are some tips for creating a rich and meaningful memorial service.

1. Choose a Fitting Location

Since the body will not be present, you have a lot of freedom regarding where the memorial service takes place. A memorial service can be held at the home of the person who has died or a favorite spot of the deceased. People have also used church buildings, local or national parks, community centers, funeral home chapels, the graveside, and even restaurants to pay their respects. No matter where you choose, remember to include a photo of the deceased or bring the urn so people have a visual reminder and can say goodbye.

2. Select Articulate Speakers

Find a few family members and friends who are good public speakers to deliver a eulogy, read poems or scripture, and tell funny or inspiring stories. Since the memorial service often takes place a few weeks after the death, the speakers will have time to gather their thoughts and could even run their ideas by each other.

3. Consider Music

If you are at a venue that accommodates the playing of music, take advantage of this opportunity. Music is a great way to honor the life of a loved one. It communicates feelings that can be hard to put into words. You might play a loved one’s favorite song or another piece of music that ties to the life in a special way. For additional help choosing custom music for a memorial service, check out “How to Personalize Music at a Funeral.”

4. Create a Slideshow

If you choose a location that has some technical capability, you could play a slideshow in honor of your loved one’s life journey. Include pictures or videos of important life events, places, and people that shaped your loved one’s life. For more insight into how a slideshow can be a meaningful addition to a final tribute, take a moment to read “The Importance of a Memorial Tribute Video.”

5. Provide Food and Drink

Many memorial services offer some kind of food, although the type of catering varies widely. You could include a full meal or simply offer light snacks and refreshments. Consider the time of day of the service when deciding on food. Also, you might choose foods that reflect your lost loved one’s preferences. If they loved chicken nuggets, get a tray from their favorite spot. For those with a sweet tooth, include an assortment of their favorite cookies or cakes.

6. Create the Guest List

If the memorial service is being held weeks or months after the death, make a list of everyone you would like to have attend and send out invitations to them. Mail invitations well in advance, so that guests who live far away have time to make travel arrangements. You could also post an invitation on your social media channels if that’s the easiest way for you to reach people.

7. Prepare “Thank You” Cards

Whether you choose a formal or informal setting, you’re likely going to need help as you create a meaningful service. For those closely involved in the planning, take time to thank them. Taking this extra step will also keep your support network alive. Stay in contact with the people who mean the most to you and find the people you can lean on as you begin your grief journey. After all, the memorial service is only the beginning of the road to healing.

Man in blue button-down shirt opening a letter in a brown envelope

These 7 tips will help you plan a meaningful memorial service, but remember, you aren’t on your own with this. The funeral home is available to assist you with memorial service plans. They can take on as much of the planning as you wish. Simply reach out to them and discuss what you’d like to do. They will provide options and help you brainstorm through all the possibilities.