Meaningful Funerals Archives - Page 3 of 11

May 11

10 Songs from the 1940s for a Celebration of Life

By Courtney Cook Meaningful Funerals, Music

Music plays a vital role in a funeral service or celebration of life. Songs played at a funeral can set the tone for the service, open us up to feelings we’ve been avoiding, and express emotions we can’t put into words. For this reason, renowned grief expert Dr. Alan Wolfelt says that music is one of the most important elements of a funeral.

When choosing music to play at the service, it’s important to pick songs that will be meaningful to your family and friends. Of course, if you know your loved one’s favorite songs, you can incorporate those into the funeral. But if your loved one grew up in the 1940s – or just loved the beautiful sounds of 1940s music – here are ten songs you could use to honor their memory.

I’ll Be Seeing You (Billie Holiday, 1944)

I’ll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day through

A classic song about missing someone you love, this version of “I’ll Be Seeing You” was recorded by Billie Holiday in 1944. Both the lyrics of this 1940s song and Billie’s beautiful voice capture the feeling of seeing your lost loved one all around you. Whether you use this song in your loved one’s celebration of life or not, listening to it can provide comfort by reminding you that your loved one lives on in your memory.

Fun fact: “I’ll Be Seeing You” was played for the Opportunity rover on Mars after it finished its final mission!

We’ll Meet Again (Vera Lynn, 1939)

We’ll meet again
Don’t know where
Don’t know when
But I know we’ll meet again some sunny day

While “We’ll Meet Again” was originally released in 1939, it became enormously popular in the 1940s, especially during World War II. At a time when many families lost their fathers, brothers, husbands, or sons to the war, they found comfort and hope in this beautiful song. As you and your family mourn the loss of your loved one, playing this song during the funeral or celebration of life can bring your family and friends hope for the future.

Only Forever (Bing Crosby, 1940)

Do you think I’ll remember
How you looked when you smile?
Only forever
That’s puttin’ it mild

Recorded by Bing Crosby in 1940, “Only Forever” spent 20 weeks on the Billboard charts and 9 weeks in the #1 spot. This popular song speaks of love, loyalty, and remembering a loved one forever, which makes it a wonderful choice for honoring your significant other, a parent, or a close friend. This song would also make a great background song for a slideshow of photos honoring your loved one.

Moonlight Serenade (Glenn Miller, 1939)

Released in 1939, “Moonlight Serenade” was one of the most popular songs of the 1940s. While Glenn Miller’s original tune has no words, the music is smooth, peaceful, and full of emotion. This classic swing tune evokes pleasant memories of days gone by and hope for the future, making it perfect for a funeral or memorial service.

A Sentimental Journey (Doris Day, 1944)

Gonna set my heart at eas
Gonna make a sentimental journey
To renew old memories

Performed by Les Brown and His Band of Renown, “A Sentimental Journey” was sung by Doris Day and released in 1944. Whether you’re looking for a song to play at a celebration of life or just to listen to while thinking of your loved one, this lovely tune encourages reminiscing and cherishing the memories of days gone by. It would also be a wonderful song to use for a slideshow at a memorial service.

When the Saints Go Marching In (Louis Armstrong, 1938)

Now when the saints go marching in
Yes, I want to be in that number
When the saints go marching in

While the exact origins of “When the Saints Go Marching In” are unclear, the gospel song likely developed from a combination of similar songs. There are many versions of the song, but in 1938, Louis Armstrong transformed the song into the jazzy version modern listeners are most familiar with. While this song is more upbeat, it can be a lovely, personal addition to a funeral or memorial service for someone who was passionate about their faith.

Over the Rainbow (Judy Garland, 1939)

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

“Over the Rainbow” is an instantly recognizable tune for any fan of The Wizard of Oz. Judy Garland captured audiences’ imaginations as Dorothy Gale in 1939, and her signature song took on a life of its own – in the 1940s and beyond. Filled with dreams and hope for the future, “Over the Rainbow” would be a lovely song to play at a celebration of life, especially for someone who loved The Wizard of Oz.

Till the End of Time (Perry Como, 1945)

Till the end of time
Long as stars are in the blue
Long as there’s a spring, a bird to sing
I’ll go on loving you

While several artists recorded their own versions of “Till the End of Time,” Perry Como’s version of the song was the most popular by far, staying at #1 on the Billboard charts for ten consecutive weeks. With lyrics about everlasting and unconditional love, this song would make a touching addition to a funeral or celebration of life for a lost spouse or significant other.

Ave Maria (Frank Sinatra, 1944)

“Ave Maria” was originally composed by Franz Schubert as “Ellens dritter Gesang” (“Ellen’s Third Song”) in 1825. Soon after it was released, the song became popular in the Catholic church and gained religious significance. Frank Sinatra’s version of the song was recorded in 1944, and his beautiful voice pairs wonderfully with the song. If your loved one was religious, you could incorporate this lovely song in the funeral or memorial service.

Lavender Coffin (Lionel Hampton, 1949)

Saint Peter
I’m a-comin’
Saint Peter
Yes, I’m a-comin’ today

One of the more upbeat songs on this list, “Lavender Coffin” was recorded by Lionel Hampton and His Orchestra in 1949. This swing song provides a different perspective on death and a hopeful outlook on life, Heaven, and the future. While this song is more cheerful in tone than some of the other songs, it could be a passionate addition to a celebration of life or a homegoing.

Songs from other decades

Other musical options for a meaningful funeral

May 04

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Casket surrounded by floral arrangements, including floral scarf of red and white flowers

6 Ways to Personalize a Casket

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Planning Tools

When planning a funeral service, the best way to create a truly unique, one-of-a-kind experience is to add personalized touches throughout the events. That might mean selecting special music, choosing a theme (like a certain color or pop culture reference), allowing family and friends to share memories, including hobby items or collectibles – there are so many options. But did you know that you can also personalize the casket itself? Let’s talk about 6 ways you can do it!

1. Choose a Color or Theme

If you have a specific vision for the perfect casket, all you need to do is speak with your chosen funeral home about your ideas. Whether you’d like a specific color (like purple, pink, or even zebra) or you’d like a specific theme (like space, John Deere tractors, or unicorns), the funeral director can work with you to ensure that your preferences are accommodated. You can also request custom head panel or lining fabric to complete the personalization.

2. Commission a Specific Shape

While the four-sided casket is the most popular choice in the United States, you can commission a specific shape. For instance, if you’d like a casket shaped like an M&M candy, a Viking longship, or even a pineapple, you can request it. Of course, it will take extra time and money to create a custom casket. With that in mind, speak with your funeral director to discuss the best way to move forward with a custom shape and how that may affect the timing of funeral services.

3. Add Etchings or Photos

Another option for personalizing a casket is to add etchings or photos to it. While photos are somewhat self-explanatory (you choose the ones you want to include), etchings may require a little explanation. With etchings, you can include any type of symbol you want – religious symbols, pop culture references, crests, anything you wish. You will work closely with the funeral director as you create the perfect design for your custom casket.

4. Place Special Items Inside the Casket

If you are looking for a way to personalize the casket without putting in a custom order, you can! Because the casket often has space along the sides or at the foot, it’s possible to bury a loved one with meaningful possessions. For example, you can include photos, special mementos, jewelry, stuffed animals, and other small items. If the person was a firefighter, you could include their helmet or a flag from their station. If they were a veteran, you can include any medals or special honors they received.

5. Drape a Casket Blanket or Flag

When the casket is closed, you can always drape a casket blanket or flag over it to add personalization. A casket blanket is a beautifully designed floral arrangement that looks like a blanket and drapes over the casket. They are available in a variety of colors and create a truly stunning addition to the service. However, you can also use other items to drape over the casket. For example, you can drape a flag of any kind – an American flag, a sports team flag, an organization, etc. Also, if you’d like, you can also drape an actual blanket, like a quilt or throw. Whatever means the most to you and your family.

6. Select a Floral Accent

It’s quite common to accent a casket with a floral arrangement, but there are actually quite a few options to choose from. The casket blanket is one option, but you can also choose a casket spray, a floral garland, or a floral scarf.

Casket spray – most common; lays on top of the casket
Floral garland – flowers that are displayed at the hinge of an open casket; often constructed by binding together the arrangement with wire or tape until it is somewhat rope-like in appearance
Casket scarf – an arrangement that drapes over the top of the casket; displayed with fabric resembling a scarf

Casket surrounded by floral arrangements, including floral scarf of red and white flowers

As you can see, there are quite a few options for personalizing a casket. All you have to do is determine which ones make the most sense for your loved one and fit into your budget. At a time of loss, many families end up “emotionally overspending,” so before you commit to anything, speak with your funeral director about pricing and options.

Also, a quick note, it is possible to plan ahead for funeral wishes, so if you do want something specific for your casket, you can write those specifications down and set aside funds to pay for it. Set up a consultation with a funeral professional to learn more about how planning ahead for funeral wishes not only gives your family peace of mind, but it also gives you the opportunity to make your personal wishes known!

Mar 24

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Shaking hands with a friendly professional

11 Qualities to Look for in a Funeral Director

By Daniel Zepeda Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Plan Ahead, Planning Tools

Losing a loved one can bring pain, grief, uncertainty, and confusion. A loss can also leave you with the responsibility of planning a funeral, requiring you to answer questions that you may have never considered. This combination can make you and your family feel lost, overwhelmed, and in need of a helping hand. A caring funeral director can be that helping hand.

Most funeral homes have funeral directors who are a source of assurance for families. Funeral directors are meant to be a comforting guide during the funeral planning process. However, if you’ve never had to plan a funeral before, how do you know which funeral director is best for your family?

One of the easiest ways to determine whether a funeral director is right for you and your family is by recognizing certain qualities they possess. From how they first greet you to how they check on you after the funeral, you deserve a caring professional who makes things easier during your time of pain.

Here’s a list of 11 qualities you look for in a funeral director who will best care for you and your family.

1. Caring

When you need the services of a funeral home, you’re likely experiencing one of the saddest seasons of your life. You need to know that the funeral professional serving you and your family deeply cares about your well-being. A caring funeral director will make you feel welcome, express their sorrow for your loss, and will let you know that everything will be taken care of. Listen to your instincts during your first interaction with a funeral director, as a genuine caring heart is easy to identify.

2. Supportive

There are so many unique and special ways to celebrate the life of your loved one. So, you’ll want to work with someone who is supportive of your wishes. The right funeral director will encourage your choices and do everything possible to make your wishes a reality all while respecting your budget. Most funeral directors like to say that no request is too great and no detail is too small. That is the perfect mindset for someone who is eager to serve you.

3. Honest

An honest person can make the funeral planning process simple and easy. There are so many decisions that go into planning a funeral. You need an honest funeral director who will be upfront with you about your options, costs, logistics, and other important details. Honesty and transparency will make you feel at ease and confident throughout the funeral planning process.

4. Trustworthy

Similar to honesty, the right funeral director will never give you a reason to doubt their motives or promises. You can trust they will keep their word to you, no matter what. Chances are that problems will arise during the funeral planning process. However, a good funeral director will keep you informed and updated on any changes or issues.

5. Knowledgeable

If you’ve never had to plan a funeral, you may not know all the options available to you. That’s why it’s important to have a knowledgeable funeral director by your side who can help you plan a funeral that will honor the life of your loved one. They can suggest what a funeral should include and what details will best serve you and your family. Plus, the right funeral director will have experience in creating memorable funerals, and their knowledge will serve you well.

6. Strong Communicator

A funeral director who puts your needs first will always keep an open line of communication – especially if there are changes to the funeral plans. They will communicate new information quickly and accurately. They should also offer multiple ways for you to contact them (office phone, cell phone, email address, etc.) Most funeral directors want to make it easy for you to contact them, so find a funeral director that makes communication a priority.

7. Good Listener

You deserve to be valued and heard in your time of grief. A funeral director who listens just as well as they communicate will do just that. You will have many conversations with the funeral director, so it’s important that your words don’t fall on deaf ears. The right funeral director will listen to you and value any and all information you can give them.

8. Creative

A creative funeral director will give you unique ideas in helping you create a personalized tribute for your loved one. They can offer suggestions on how to properly honor the life of your loved one, no matter how traditional or contemporary of a funeral you want. This process usually starts with you telling the funeral director what made your loved one special and what their interests were. From there, a creative funeral professional can help you create a memorable goodbye that will showcase the special life of your loved one.

9. Patient

With grief consuming most of your thoughts during the funeral planning process, feeling overwhelmed is a perfectly normal reaction after losing a loved one. In those moments, you need someone who will calmly and patiently work with you as a friend and guide. You don’t need someone rushing you into decisions that you’re not comfortable with. Working with a patient funeral director will make you feel like you’re their sole priority and not just another funeral to schedule.

10. Empathetic

Empathy is one of the most important qualities to find! This characteristic can help build a bridge of lasting trust and confidence between you, your family, and the funeral director. You might wonder how funeral directors remain empathetic after helping so many grieving families. But that’s what makes the heart of a funeral director so special. The right person will show you that they truly understand the pain you’re feeling. This kindness can lead you to be more willing to place your faith in them and their ability to properly honor your loved one.

11. Organized

As we’ve discussed, planning a funeral takes time and requires a lot of decisions. You need a funeral director that won’t let any detail slip through the cracks. No matter how elaborate or simple your funeral is, the right professional will make sure everything is accounted for and that nothing goes overlooked. Additionally, an organized person will make sure that every member of your family is on the same page and that – to the best of their ability – everyone is happy with the funeral.

Funeral director's hand pick up Stack overload document report paper with colorful paperclip, business and paperless concept.

A funeral director who exhibits these qualities can give you and your family confidence, calmness, and assuredness during the funeral planning process and beyond. There are other qualities that make a great funeral director, but make sure they exhibit these qualities.

After all, a funeral director’s greatest calling is to be there for you when you need them most. They’ll be eager to prove that they are worthy of caring for you.

Jan 24

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11 Classical Music Songs for a Funeral Service

By Daniel Zepeda Meaningful Funerals, Music

Symphony orchestra on stage, hands playing violin. Shallow depth of field, vintage style.

“Where words fail, music speaks.” – Danish author Hans Christian Andersen

In our greatest times of pain and grief, we often don’t have the words to describe the intense emotions we feel. This feeling is a common experience for those of us who have recently suffered a great loss. That’s where the power of music can help provide needed comfort.

For many of us, music has the unique ability to give us words when grief and agony have left us silent. A beautiful melody or lyric can perfectly capture what we’re feeling and speak to us deeply and emotionally.

Renowned grief expert, counselor, and author Dr. Alan Wolfelt teaches that music is an important element of a healing and meaningful funeral. Music can set the tone of a funeral, bring our emotions to the forefront, and allow us to grieve with others in mourning, which is essential to why we have funerals.

There are many musical genres that can help bring healing during a funeral. Many people find classical music moving and there are many songs and arrangements to support this belief. If classical music sounds like the best way to honor your loved one and bring healing to those in pain, here are a few suggestions that could help.

1. Con Te Partirò (Time to Say Goodbye)

While other songs on this list also have a connection to death, Con Te Partirò passionately and unapologetically embraces the emotions we often feel during a loss. This arrangement focuses on the separation we feel when a death occurs. It also highlights that the pain of our grief will not be at the forefront of our lives forever.

Originally written by Francesco Sartori and Lucio Quarantotto in 1995, Con Te Partirò is a beloved favorite for many classical music fans and has become a common piece at funerals. Its messages of finding beauty beyond our pain and remembering that our loved one’s memory will always be with us ring true for many.

2. Adagio for Strings

Samuel Barber is widely regarded as the most talented American composer of his generation, and Adagio for Strings is one of the reasons. Played on a full orchestra of strings, the song’s somber and solemn melody has been known to help those in grief. It paints an emotional backdrop for pain with hauntingly beautiful rises and falls. Barber’s classic is slow at times, but it picks up steam at the 4:40 mark and crescendos for a breathtakingly moving mountain top at 5:25.

Adagio for Strings played at the funerals of Albert Einstein and Princess Grace of Monaco. The song was broadcast after the passing of Princess Diana and U.S. Presidents John F. Kennedy and Franklin D. Roosevelt.

3. Irish Tune from County Derry

If a string orchestra isn’t to your liking, the brass sections of Irish Tune from County Derry might be more appropriate. The arrangement’s soft opening is followed by a melodic resonance that brings the song to life. Composed by Percy Grainger, the piece focuses on powerful, positive notes that can help us remember the good memories of our loved ones and what made them special. Plus, the flute solo (2:15) is especially beautiful and leads way into the powerful melody (3:11).

The character of Irish Tune from County Derry makes this an excellent choice to play at a loved one’s funeral.

4. Ave Maria

A timeless classic that’s recognized and loved by countless people, Ave Maria might be the most popular classical song for funerals. Many believe it’s the perfect piece for honoring loved ones, as it’s an adaptation of the traditional Roman Catholic prayer. Whether played or sung, this song can help bring our emotions to the surface, so that we may acknowledge that a death has occurred and begin our path toward healing.

Many artists have performed the song over the years, with Luigi Vena’s performance at President Kennedy’s funeral remaining one of the most memorable.

5. Liebesträume No. 3 (Dreams of Love)

Piano and classical music go hand in hand for most of us. It only makes sense to include multiple wonderfully crafted piano arrangements that speak to the soul. Franz Liszt published three piano works in 1850, with Liebesträume No. 3 being his most popular. The piece was inspired by the poem O Lieb, so lang du lieben kannst (O love, so long as you can), which focuses on the importance of love, the pain of loss, and the promise to make every moment matter.

Throughout the song, we hear the clash between love and death (2:20). These shifts were Liszt’s desire, as he strived to write a piece as heart-wrenching as it is troubled.

6. Mad World

So many talented artists have covered Mad World since its release more than 40 years ago. While Dennis Korn’s piano version might be one of the newest, it certainly is moving and beautiful. Originally written by Roland Orzabal of the British band Tears of Fears, Mad World was born from Orzabal’s time of songwriting, in which he watched everyday people live their lives outside his window. Orzabal felt disconnected, alone, and out of place in the world because of this – feelings we may have experienced after the death of a loved one.

Dennis Korn’s piano cover brings new life to the song. His version captures what it means to feel grief, as the base notes and the higher pitch melody serve as an example of the variety of emotions we may feel. The song’s familiarity, simplicity, and powerful emotions make it an ideal choice for any type of funeral.

7. Canon in D

It’s true, Johann Pachelbel’s classic is traditionally a staple at weddings, but its powerful builds and remarkable harmonies also make it an impactful piece to celebrate the life of a loved one. The song’s quick tempo and moving melody can help us reflect on the positive memories we have of the deceased, rather than the pain we feel from their absence.

Cannon in D can also be performed by either a large or small number of musicians. Arrangements of this classical music piece exist for classical string quartets, piano, two musicians, and more. The song is also familiar to many, making it impactful to your audience and easy to use for funerals.

8. Adagietto (Symphony No. 5)

Another full orchestral piece, Gustav Mahler’s Adagietto (Symphony No. 5) brings inspirations of peace and sadness. Mahler wrote this eerily captivating arrangement soon after he fell seriously ill and had to resign as conductor of the Vienna Philharmonic. It’s possible his failing health inspired him to write such a moving piece that features incredible builds at 3:10 and 10:15.

The lightness of the harp in the beginning and the whimsical movement of the second act also make this a piece that can help us find peace, if only for a brief moment.

9. Lux Aeterna (Nimrod)

Performed by British vocal ensemble VOCES8, this a cappella version is sung with warmth and beauty. It’s hard to believe there are no instruments involved. The voices that echo Edward Elgar’s glorious swelling melody have been heard at weddings, funerals, and even events for the British monarchy. As one of 14 pieces Elgar dedicated to cherished friends and family, Elgar wrote Lux Aeterna (Nimrod) for a devoted friend who stood by the composer during his struggles with depression.

The rise and fall of the voices signify our daily struggle with grief and the varying emotions we may feel. The song builds to an overwhelmingly well-balanced and breathtaking sound (2:15) that is difficult to describe and best left to enjoy.

10. Air on a G String

No list of classical music, no matter the circumstances, would be complete without Johann Sebastian Bach. Based off Bach’s No. 3 in D Major, August Wilhelmj composed this arrangement in 1871 and offers a gentle pulse that truly is the key to the piece’s popularity. The song’s moving violin section, steady base, and perfectly accompanied organ create unmatched emotion.

Not too long or too short, this piece is great for honoring life and bringing healing.

11. Candle in the Wind

Similar to Mad World, the final entry on this list is widely popular. It has even been covered numerous times since its release by Elton John in 1973. The original may not fall into the traditional classical genre, but when played on piano alone, it’s heartbreakingly beautiful. Elton John wrote the song in honor of Marilyn Monroe’s death, then played at Princess Diana’s funeral in 1997. Both versions are classics and focus on the pressures we put on ourselves that might make us feel inadequate.

With powerful lyrics, Candle in the Wind is equally as moving in its original version or as instrumental only. There are several elements of the song that make it a perfect choice for a funeral.

Other musical options for a meaningful funeral

Jan 09

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beautiful woman writing into her diary, in the park

4 Reasons Why Eulogies are Important

By Daniel Zepeda Meaningful Funerals, Planning Tools

Losing a loved one can be one of the toughest trials you face in life. And maybe the last thing you want in your time of grief is to stand before a large crowd and speak about what you’re feeling. You’re not alone in feeling that way. Your emotions may feel too raw to put into words and public speaking might make you uncomfortable.

It’s enough to make you wonder, “Why have a eulogy?”

But before you ask for someone else to be the eulogizer, you should know why eulogies are important and helpful for those who grieve. A eulogy isn’t just a speech summarizing someone’s life — it’s so much more. And not having a eulogy could slow the grieving process for many.

There are 4 reasons we have eulogies at funerals: eulogies honor the life lived, offer healing with the grieving process, can help you start a healthy grief journey, and give you a chance to say goodbye. Let’s dive deeper into the importance of eulogies and see why they are a necessary part of a meaningful end-of-life ceremony.

1. Eulogies honor the life of the deceased

female hands fingering old photographs of 1950s, stack of photos on the table, concept of genealogy, memory of ancestors, family tree, nostalgia, childhood, remembering

Eulogies are most commonly known for helping honor and celebrate a loved one’s life. A thoughtful, well-crafted eulogy celebrates the life lived and explains why the deceased was loved. A eulogy should equally share the important moments of the deceased’s life and explain how they impacted others.

The eulogy is also an excellent opportunity to share the legacy of the loved one. It’s a time when questions like, “What did they value in life? Which virtues did they show? How did they respond when things got hard?” can be addressed and answered.

2. Eulogies offer healing to the grieving

Sad and lonely woman sitting alone on a park bench.

According to renowned grief expert Dr. Alan Wolfelt, there are six universal needs of mourning. One of those needs is remembering the loved one who died. That’s where a eulogy can help guide those in pain toward healthy grieving.

The eulogy gives those who are still here a chance to think of how they wish to remember the deceased. Eulogies help recall warm memories, happy moments, and special stories that can provide needed comfort. Should you give the eulogy, your kind words can help ease the pain of loss for others.

Giving a eulogy can also be helpful for the eulogizer’s grief journey. As the eulogizer, you can find comfort throughout the entire writing process. Deciding what details to include and what themes to focus on will help you work through your own emotions and keep your loved one’s memory alive in your heart and mind. Peace and healing may come to you along the way.

3. Eulogies can start a healthy grief journey

One of the most important long-term benefits a eulogy can give is getting you started on the right foot of your grief journey. A eulogy or funeral can’t promise closure, but both can help you move closer to your pain, which will help bring you closer to healing. However, your grief journey is not a straight path.

During his time counseling families, Dr. Wolfelt found that there are certain paradoxes associated with mourning. One of those paradoxes is that before you can move on after a loss, you must first move closer to your pain.

“The truth, paradoxically, is that in grief, we have to go backward before we can go forward…Grief is not a train track toward acceptance. It’s more like “getting lost in the woods” and almost always gives rise to a mixture of many thoughts and feelings at once. (Grief) is often one step forward, two steps in a circle, then one step backward. It takes time, patience, and, yes, lots of backward motion before forward motion occurs.”

Click here if you’d like to understand more about Dr. Wolfelt’s teachings on the paradoxes of mourning.

4. Eulogies provide a last chance to say goodbye

Saying one last goodbye to your loved one is another service a eulogy can offer. This action can help symbolize your last act to the deceased as they were before you create a new relationship with them.

Saying goodbye is a common way most eulogies end, because saying goodbye can bring peace to the eulogizer and the audience.

Religion, death and dolor - man at funeral with white rose mourning the dead

Hopefully, you understand what a good eulogy can do for you and those who remain. It’s a truly special gift to be the eulogizer for someone you loved dearly, and there’s a reason you were chosen. Now that you know why eulogies are important and helpful, you can deliver a eulogy that will honor your loved one and help those who grieve.

Dec 08

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How to Write a Eulogy

By Daniel Zepeda Funeral Poems, Meaningful Funerals, Music

Being asked to write and present someone’s eulogy is a great honor and is often reserved for those closest to the person who died. But it can also be a challenge. Whether you’ve given multiple eulogies, or you are writing your first one, it can be difficult to decide which special moments to include, what theme to focus on, and how to ensure the eulogy properly honors the deceased. Then there’s the public speaking factor, which most of us don’t particularly enjoy.

There is no set template or outline a eulogy has to follow. In fact, eulogies can be presented in many different ways, depending on the loved one or the family’s wishes. However, there are a few things to remember before getting started.

But before we get into how to write a eulogy, let’s review what a eulogy is and why it’s an important part of saying goodbye.

What is a Eulogy?

Eulogy

A eulogy is a speech or writing praising someone highly, typically someone who has just died. But more than that, a eulogy is telling your loved one’s story, sharing what made them remarkable, and explaining why you love them. A good eulogy can capture who they were, bring memories alive, and offer comfort to those who grieve.

Usually, the eulogizer — the eulogy presenter — is someone very close to the loved one. A child, grandchild, spouse, or even a dear friend can be asked to give the eulogy. While most people accept when asked to be the eulogizer, it is perfectly acceptable for you to politely decline. You may think you’ll be too emotional in the moment or maybe you just didn’t know the deceased well enough. Whatever your reason, you can ask that someone else give the eulogy.

If you accept writing and delivering your loved one’s eulogy, you should know that your participation will play an important role in the grieving and healing process. Hearing about the loved one’s life can help those who remain begin the difficult, but necessary, journey toward healing. Renowned grief expert Dr. Alan Wolfelt has done a lot of research on how to grieve well, and he has found that there are six universal needs of mourning. The eulogy is an important part of showing how much you loved one’s life impacted others and how those memories will live on.”

What Should Be in a Eulogy?

Everyone Has a Story typed words on a vintage typewriter. close up

Now that we’ve covered some of the basics, let’s look at the technical part of writing a eulogy. That starts with deciding what to include and what to leave out.

A eulogy’s overall message should be positive, uplifting, and encouraging. Focus on the happy memories and the meaningful moments you shared with your loved one. This is a time to remember the joy they brought to the world, so you’ll want to avoid bringing up negative or controversial memories.

You’ll also want to include specific facts: their birthplace, professional career, military service, places they lived, etc. More personal info like how they met their spouse, names of their children, their favorite places to relax, the church they attended, etc. can help paint an accurate picture of their life and legacy.

Now that you’ve got an idea of what you want to talk about, it’s time for the hardest part — the beginning.

How to Start a Eulogy

First things first — there is no perfect way to start a eulogy. You can use a poem, a funny story, the loved one’s obituary, or something else to get started. There are some key elements that you’ll want to include in your introduction, though.

It’s likely that not everyone will know who you are, so take a moment to introduce yourself and your relationship with the deceased. Your next step will depend on your relationship. If you’re a close friend or outside of the immediate family, express your condolences for the family’s loss. This will show your empathy to those who are feeling your pain, but on a greater scale.

It’s also polite to thank those in attendance for coming to honor your loved one. You can mention how much it would mean to your loved one to see so many people from their life in attendance. Then, use your next few sentences to explain the eulogy’s theme or what kind of memories you will focus on. This will serve as a simple transition into the heart of your eulogy.

How to End a Eulogy

blank notebook with pencil on wooden table, business concept

Like the beginning, there is no correct way to conclude a eulogy. All that matters is that your final words are genuine. Speak from your heart so those listening can understand what you’re feeling. Summarize the theme of the eulogy and the lasting impact your loved one will have on those present.

If you didn’t include a meaningful poem, song lyric, inspirational quote, etc. in your introduction, the ending is also an ideal time to include those meaningful words. Poems, songs, quotes, or other sources can sometimes perfectly capture what you wish to say, but you may have a hard time expressing. The same can be said for a small joke. Laughter can be a great way to end a eulogy, just remember to find the appropriate balance to maintain the utmost respect for the deceased.

Saying goodbye to your loved one is another valuable option. Speaking directly to them can bring peace to the grieving. If you or the family are religious, offering a prayer at the end might seem most appropriate. Whatever you decide, remember to keep the ending heartfelt to match the rest of the eulogy’s tone.

How Long Should a Eulogy be?

funeral casket, coffin burial, farewell the death, goodbye loved one

Keeping the attention of those in attendance is the biggest factor in deciding how long a eulogy should be. You also don’t want the eulogy to be too short because it will look like you didn’t put enough thought into it, or too long, as you might lose the audience’s attention and can even risk you getting off-topic. This is why it can be challenging to decide what to include and what to leave out.

The ideal time to present a eulogy is between 5 and 10 minutes. This typically allows you enough time to honor your loved one’s life appropriately without losing the attendees’ focus. Since you want to keep the eulogy brief, remember to stay on topic when writing the eulogy and above all — practice giving the speech.

Read through the eulogy out loud at a slower, conversational speed. Then, once you feel comfortable, practice presenting in front of others. If you know the eulogy thoroughly, you’ll be confident and seen as someone who is talking from the heart.

Quality Over Quantity

Close up young woman holding female hand of older mother, caring adult grown up daughter supporting and comforting mature mum, expressing love, two generations trusted relations

Hopefully, these tips will help you craft a beautiful eulogy. One final piece of advice, and perhaps the most important, is to remember that quality is greater than quantity. A 5-minute eulogy that expresses your sincerest feelings and honors the life lived is better than a eulogy that feels long-winded and possibly rambles on.

Your loved one impacted so many lives, and those grieving will need words of hope and comfort as they start to finalize the reality of their loss. Use memories, fun stories, inspirational passages, and real emotion to remember your loved one the way they deserve.

Nov 03

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Woman choosing a color from a color wheel

Using Color to Personalize a Service

By christy.kessler Meaningful Funerals, Plan Ahead, Planning Tools

Creating a personalized funeral or memorial service is the first step toward finding the healing and reconciliation you need after a loss. Why? Because if the service details truly reflect the hobbies, interests, personality, and quirks of the person who has died, then it feels like a true tribute – something with meaning, purpose, and poignancy. Using color can be a simple way to uniquely personalize a service – let’s look at a few examples.

4 Simple Ways to Use Color to Personalize a Service

While the color black has traditionally been associated with mourning in the western world, it’s not a hard and fast rule. In fact, in other areas of the world, white, red, purple, gray, and even gold are considered colors of mourning. With the increase in personalized services, it’s become much more accepted to use different colors, especially if that color has special significance.

1. Select Specific Flowers

If you are decorating with flowers or accepting flowers as sympathy gifts, you could request a specific color. To be the most meaningful, select a color that is special in some way – either to you or to the one who has died. Or, if the deceased person loved pumpkins, succulents, or even tiny cactus plants, you could encourage well-wishers to give those, instead. Imagine how sweet it would look and feel to see a loved one’s service filled with the color that brought them so much joy in life.

2. Decorate with Intentionality

Another option for using color to personalize is by choosing your decorations intentionally. If you choose to focus on a specific color, you can use it in a multitude of places. For example, you could display photo frames in that color. At the gathering or visitation, use tablecloths or centerpieces in that color. Place themed decorations on memorial tables. Provide a keepsake to mourners that showcases the theme color. The options are endless. Think on what the person loved and use that information to create something one-of-a-kind.

3. Request that Mourners Wear a Certain Color

Perhaps one of the easiest ways to incorporate color into a service is to ask mourners to wear it. This way, when people attend the service, there’s a sea of pink, green, orange in honor of your loved one. If you’d rather focus on a theme than a color, you can. For instance, you could ask that mourners wear a certain team’s jersey, Star Wars gear, something with unicorns, or whatever is most appropriate. You can include the color/theme when you announce service details, whether that’s through the funeral home or a personal announcement on social media.

4. Customize the Urn or Casket

Urns today come in many shapes, sizes, and hues. If you plan to have a memorial service after cremation, you can select an urn of a specific color. Simply speak with your trusted funeral home or go online to review your urn options.

As for caskets, there are a few different personalization options. First, you could request a certain color for the casket lining and pillow top. Second, you could customize the casket itself. Rather than selecting one of the standard colors or wood types, you could commission a casket of any color. Third, you can ask that the interior or cap panel (the rectangle of space just above the deceased when the casket is open) be customized. You could select a specific hue, or alternatively, some funeral homes can place a photo in this space.

If any of these options appeal to you, contact your trusted funeral home. They will help you get the answers you need.

What If I Don’t Know What Color to Choose?

If a color doesn’t immediately come to mind, that’s okay. You can either personalize the service in other ways, or you could even choose a color based on its meaning.

Woman choosing a color from a color wheel

Red – Energy, passion, strength, love, sincerity
Pink – Love and romance, caring, tenderness, acceptance
Beige – Calm and simplicity
Ivory – Quietness and pleasantness
Yellow – Joy, happiness, imagination, hope, friendship
Blue – Peace, tranquility, trust, harmony, loyalty
Purple – Spirituality, transformation, wisdom, honor
Lavender – Femininity, grace, elegance
Orange – Enthusiasm, warmth, vibrancy
Green – Renewal, generosity, service
Brown – Stability, hearth & home, comfort, reliability
Gray – Security, intelligence, dignity, modesty
White – Purity, peace, innocence, goodness

Ultimately, color is just one option for creating a meaningful service. Whether you are planning ahead for your own funeral wishes or are planning a loved one’s services, you have options. If you have a specific idea of what you’d like to do or you need a little help, your local funeral home can help. They can brainstorm with you, offer ideas and solutions, and help you create a tribute that feels right and good.

If you’d like to learn about other ways you can customize a service to create something truly unique, go to Practical Ways to Personalize the 7 Elements of a Funeral for inspiration.

Nov 15

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Illustrates what an inscription would look like

6 Ways to Personalize a Memorial Marker

By christy.kessler Cemeteries, Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Memorial, Planning Tools

When visiting a cemetery, it can seem like your options are limited when choosing a memorial marker, but that’s not true. There are many options for creating a personalized monument that will identify a loved one’s final resting place for generations to come. Today, let’s talk about why memorial markers matter and 6 different ways you can personalize a monument to create something unique and special.

What is a Memorial Marker?

A memorial marker goes by many names. Tombstone. Headstone. Grave marker. Monument. It can get confusing quickly, so we will use “memorial marker” and “monument” for our purposes today.

If you’ve ever visited a cemetery, then you’ve seen memorial markers. It could be a plaque, an upright headstone, a footstone, or even occasionally a ledger stone, to name a few options. Typically, a memorial marker lists the deceased person’s name and life dates. Anything beyond that is customized.

Why is a Memorial Marker Important?

As human beings, when we lose someone we love, our feeling of connection to them continues, even though they are no longer with us physically. It is this connection that contributes to our feelings of loss, that makes it so difficult to process death and move toward healing and reconciliation.

Not only do memorial markers highlight the value of remembering people by name – names are so important – they also give us a place to go to feel close to the person who has died.

To learn more about why memorial markers and a final resting place can be valuable to families, especially when feelings of grief arise or anniversaries come around, check out 5 Reasons to Establish a Permanent Memorial.

6 Ways to Personalize a Memorial Marker

Now, let’s dive into 6 ways you can personalize a memorial marker to reflect a person’s unique life, personality, and preferences.

To help you decide what’s right for your needs and situation, consider which of these categories you want to focus on (or if you’d like to create a mix):

Choose elements that reflect personality (kind, giving, friendly)
Focus on family attributes (father, grandmother, uncle, sister)
Highlight achievements, hobbies, interests, or long-term commitments

With these categories in mind, let’s talk about personalizing a memorial marker.

1. Create a Personalized Inscription

Also called an epitaph, you can include a short message on the monument that has meaning and significance to everyone – family, friends, and the person who has died.

For instance, you could include:

A focus on family (“Beloved mother, sister, and friend”)
A poignant sentiment (“Forever in our hearts”)
A spiritual quote or verse for a person of faith
Pop culture references to music, movies, etc. (“May the Force be with you” or similar)

For a real-life example, one beloved grandmother included her famous fudge recipe on her memorial marker so that everyone who came by could make and enjoy it as much as she did. The possibilities are quite literally endless with how you can personalize the inscription.

2. Choose a Color

Next, let’s talk about color. Depending on what material you select, you can choose a color to personalize a memorial marker. Granite is the most popular monument material because it retains its shine for many years. It is available in black, blue, gray, pink, red, and more. If your loved one had an affinity for a certain color, you can ask your monument representative what your color options are.

Bronze is another common material used for memorial markers. Keep in mind, bronze will develop patina over time, resulting in a color change ranging from antiqued green to light or dark brown. Some people love this color change, and one more famous example of patina is the greenish hue that we now see on the Statue of Liberty.

3. Select a Shape

While most people choose a rectangular, square, or pointed top monument, memorial markers aren’t one-size-fits-all. Custom monuments come in many forms—from benches to unique shapes like hearts, books, arches, or even guitars.

If you have a specific vision for what shape you’d like the memorial marker to be, talk to the monument designers about the possibilities. They will discuss the cost and what’s possible when working with stone.

4. Add an Image or Symbol

If you’d like, you can request that the memorial marker feature a specific image or symbol. From animals and military insignia to pop culture references or nature scenes, anything is possible. The key is to pick something that is meaningful.

If you aren’t sure what kind of image to request, ask yourself, “Does my loved one have a well-known hobby? A pet who is always nearby? A deep faith? A favorite instrument or talent or sports team?” These types of questions will help you narrow down the options.

Monument companies will work with you on the design and help you create something that will bring your creative vision to life as you honor your loved one’s legacy.

5. Include a Photo

Similar to an image or symbol, you could add a photo (or photos) to personalize a memorial marker. Depending on your wishes, the photo could be etched (by hand or with a laser), or if you prefer to use a color photo, the image can be created in ceramic or porcelain and then permanently affixed to the marker in whatever size you want.

If you decide to include a photo, select one of your favorites and go over your wishes with the monument designer so they can create exactly what you want.

6. Incorporate a QR Code

A new trend in memorial marker personalization is the QR code. The code is affixed to the marker, and when mourners or visitors scan the code, they view a website dedicated to that person’s life and legacy.

Imagine if you could scan a QR code for someone who died 100 years ago. It would be both amazing and interesting to read more about who they were and what their life was like.

Of course, this personalization option takes a little additional work on your part (you have to create a website), but it may be a good option for remembering and honoring your loved one’s life.

Do What’s Best for Your Family

The best thing about this whole discussion? There’s no right or wrong. If something traditional is right and good for your needs, do that. If a photo with inscription is best, do that. Would a book top with a literary quote be meaningful? Do that. It’s entirely up to you.

One final note as you consider the possibilities, remember to ask the cemetery representative if they have any specific regulations. Some cemeteries place firm restrictions on monument color and material.

Shows woman visiting a cemetery where there are monument regulations

Now, take some time to brainstorm. Talk to a funeral home or monument company to learn what the options are. Then, start creating a vision for a personalized memorial marker that makes the most sense for your family, your needs, and your loved one.

For more helpful information, make sure to read Selecting and Installing a Grave Marker.

Jul 20

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10 Funeral Etiquette Tips for Livestream Services

By christy.kessler Meaningful Funerals

Livestream funeral and memorial services are here to stay. As a society, we’ve found that livestreaming allows far away family and friends to participate in the meaningful and symbolic actions associated with remembering and honoring a loved one’s life, which is so important to the healing process. But what’s the proper funeral etiquette you should follow – whether you plan to attend in-person or online?

To help you feel comfortable and at ease when attending a funeral or memorial service, let’s go over a few etiquette tips!

If You Are Attending In Person

You might be thinking, “I’m attending in person. Why do I need to think about livestream etiquette?” Two reasons. First, these etiquette tips still apply to your in-person experience. And second, people online will be able to see you in the streaming video, and to help make the experience just as meaningful for them, it’s important that you follow some simple livestream etiquette guidelines.

1. Arrive Early

A funeral or memorial service isn’t going to wait on you, so arriving a little early is important. Try to arrive 15 to 10 minutes early, which will give you time to sign the register book, greet the family, and find a seat before the service starts.

By arriving on time, you not only show your respect to the family, you eliminate a distraction for any livestream viewers. If a late arrival is unavoidable, find a seat to the side or at the back, so you create less of a disturbance for everyone.

2. Dress Appropriately

Mourning attire has drastically evolved over the years, but no matter what you decide to wear, the number one priority is to remain respectful.

Avoid clothes that are too revealing, flashy, or contain explicit content. These types of clothing will draw too much attention – both from in-person and livestream viewers – and will take the focus away from where it belongs: honoring a loved one’s life.

If you have any doubts about what is acceptable to wear to the service, traditional and conservative black, gray, or navy attire are typically safe choices.

3. Turn Off Devices

Cell phones, tablets, and other devices can be incredibly distracting – both for in-person and livestream attendees. To show your respect and to ensure that you aren’t a distraction for others, turn off your devices or leave them in the car.

If you absolutely need your device (e.g. to entertain a child or to take photos with family members), turn the sound off entirely. There is a time and place for technology. Make sure you are considerate of those around you when using it.

4. Avoid Crinkly Materials

Just like it’s respectful to avoid the disruption of a ringing cell phone, stay away from crinkly materials. For instance, if you are bringing a child to a service, open any snack bags ahead of time or place them in a container that makes little noise. The last thing you want is to open a crinkly bag of chips during a quiet, contemplative moment. And depending on how loud the material is, it could get picked up by the video microphone and carry to livestreams mourners.

5. Keep an Eye on the Kids & Pets

Children are always welcome at funeral and memorial services. It’s just as important for them to have an opportunity to say goodbye as it is for adults. However, if a child begins to make too much noise or begins to throw a fit or cry uncontrollably, it’s often best for everyone – present and online – if you take the child out to a quiet area where they can express their feelings without disrupting the entire service.

Depending on what caused the outburst, it may be appropriate to ask questions and talk through their feelings with them. Either way, keeping an eye on the kids will ensure that the service maintains its focus on the life of the person who has died and honoring their legacy.

Additionally, if you would like to bring a pet to the service, make sure this is okay with the family before doing so. Additionally, make sure your pet is capable of being quiet and unnoticeable during the service. If they are a loud animal, leave them at home.

For more funeral etiquette tips when attending a funeral or memorial in person, go to Funeral Etiquette.

If You Are Attending Virtually

Now, for livestream attendees, you have a little more to think about! You’re not off the hook for these first five tips. In fact, ALL of them apply to you!

Arrive early. You should arrive early so you can set up and don’t have to deal with technical difficulties when the service starts.
Dress appropriately. You should dress appropriately to honor and respect the family and the person who has died.
Turn off devices. You should also turn off devices (other than the one you are using to livestream). By doing so, you can cut down on the possibility of distractions or disruptions.
Avoid crinkly materials. You should definitely avoid noisy materials because sound travels easily to other livestream attendees. Muting yourself also helps with this problem.
Keep an eye on the kids and pets. Lastly, you should make sure that your children and pets are well-behaved and won’t cause distractions for other online viewers.

But here are a few additional tips that will help you and everyone else have a good online experience as you remember, honor, and celebrate a loved one’s life.

1. Mute Yourself

The last thing you want as a virtual attendee is to disrupt the services with a howling dog or excited children. To ensure that you aren’t a distraction, mute yourself for the service unless you are given the opportunity to speak. If you are called on to speak, make sure that your space is quiet so that people can clearly hear your remarks.

2. Share Your Screen

Depending on how the livestream is set up, you may have the opportunity to share your screen. If you can share it, do so! This way, other virtual family and friends can see you and take comfort in your presence. But of course – make sure that your background isn’t distracting before sharing your screen.

3. Be Thoughtful with Your Comments

Some livestream options allow you to write comments in a Chat box. If you choose to write comments, make sure to be thoughtful about it. In many cases, the grieving family will receive a transcript of all Chat comments, so make sure to introduce yourself, say how you know the person who has died, and then, focus your comments on supporting the grieving family or sharing stories about the person who has died. These comments will bring comfort to the family long after the service is over.

4. Be Careful with Screenshots

Since you are watching from an electronic device, you have the ability to take screenshots. If you choose to do so, be tasteful about it. Absolutely refrain from taking screenshots of the deceased body if it’s visible. Be respectful and gracious with your choices.

5. Practice Patience

We all know that technology can be glitchy. If you are experiencing livestream issues, politely make a comment in the Chat box. The funeral home staff will do everything in their power to correct the issue. Don’t get frustrated, type in message after message, or begin to lose your cool – these reactions won’t help and will only make the experience unpleasant for everyone. Issues with technology come with the territory and are a risk we all run when doing things virtually.

In many ways, virtual attendance should mirror physical attendance as much as possible. It may be easy to become distracted with apps, email, phone calls, etc. because of the relative anonymity of the situation, but your focus should be on what’s most important – honoring a loved one’s life, saying your goodbyes, and offering support to others who are grieving.

With these simple livestream etiquette tips – whether you are attending in person or via livestream – you can ensure that your presence shows respect to the deceased and brings comfort and encouragement to the grieving family.

May 19

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What Do Funeral Directors Do?

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Planning Tools

Have you ever wondered exactly what funeral directors do? To most people, funeral service is a bit of a mystery. That’s because a vast majority of people have never had to plan a funeral. Let’s look at some of the main ways funeral directors serve grieving families during a time of loss.

Funeral directors are event planners, caregivers, and administrators. Often, they are also embalmers, caring for a loved one’s body. In many ways, funeral directors are guides to families during a very confusing and difficult time. For instance, funeral directors are there to offer comfort, advice, guidance, and insight to families during the entire funeral planning process. Here’s a look at what funeral directors do every day to serve families.

Creating a Healing and Meaningful Funeral or Memorial Service

Primarily, a funeral director’s role is to help the family create a personalized and meaningful funeral experience. A good funeral service brings healing to the grieving while honoring the final wishes of the person who has died. So, a funeral director’s main job is to help the family grieve the loss of a loved one while also ensuring that the deceased’s body is cared for with dignity and respect.

The following list covers the eight primary duties that funeral directors perform every day with great dedication and attention to detail.

1. Care for and prepare the body of the deceased for final disposition

Firstly, the funeral director will coordinate the transfer of the deceased into the care of the funeral home, day or night. Then, they will direct and supervise the work of embalmers, funeral attendants, death certificate clerks, cosmetologists, or other staff.

Preparation and care of the body may include all of the following:

- Washing of the body
- Embalming preparation
- Restorative art
- Dressing
- Hairdressing
- Cosmetology
- Casketing

If cremation is chosen, the funeral director will oversee the cremation and return the cremated remains to the family. In cases where the body must be transferred out of state, the funeral director will coordinate the transfer of the body to the final place of rest, in accordance with the applicable laws and regulations.

Finally, the funeral director will offer the family options for caskets, urns, burial liner/vault, and cemetery space, as applicable.

2. Plan the funeral with the family

Next, the funeral director will meet with the family for the arrangement conference. During this time, the funeral director can get to know the family and educate them on how to plan a healing and meaningful service.

To create a personalized service, funeral directors listen to the family and offer ideas, insights, and advice. During this time, the funeral director will share the elements of a meaningful funeral and offer suggestions for visitations, gatherings, readings, music, eulogies, symbols, and healing actions.

In addition, funeral directors incorporate funeral customs based on the family’s preferences. Personalization may include traditions of faith groups and/or civic organizations, military honors, or cultural rites and rituals.

Most funeral directors are able to offer a variety of options to suit the family’s needs. Funeral directors are there to answer any questions the family may have and help them make choices that are right for them. That way, the funeral or memorial service brings comfort and peace to all who mourn the loss.

3. Coordinate all the details behind the scenes

In addition to helping the family plan the funeral experience, funeral directors perform various duties behind the scenes. For example, funeral directors usually:

Prepare and submit obituary information to media outlets as needed
Help the family coordinate with clergy or celebrants, a venue for the service, and musicians
Ensure that clergy or celebrant and musicians know where to be when and that they receive an honorarium for their time
Help order funeral sprays and other flower arrangements as the family wishes
Ensure that the funeral, memorial, and/or graveside service venues are properly prepared
Coordinate any cremation or burial processes
Make sure that the funeral service is streamed live or digitally recorded, if the family wishes
Provide additional memorialization products; for example, a register book, prayer cards, acknowledgment cards, and funeral folders
Coordinate a police escort for the funeral procession
Handle all memorial contributions presented to the family

4. Take care of permanent memorialization needs

Next, the funeral director helps the family consider permanent memorialization needs. For instance, they may discuss options such as a cemetery plot, columbarium niche, plaque, grave marker, deciding on where to scatter ashes, and more. As part of their role, the funeral director will help you review your options and choose what fits best for your family. Then, they will help with the details. A funeral director will:

Schedule the opening and closing of the grave with cemetery personnel
Help the family choose a casket, urn, burial vault, and cemetery plot
If scattering is chosen, they will offer location options and suggestions
For a graveside service, they will:
- Provide transportation for the remains, primary mourners, and flowers between sites
- Coordinate with the cemetery to prepare and decorate the site for the service
Make sure gravestones or grave markers are ordered and placed in the cemetery

5. Assist with legal documentation

After losing a loved one, there are a lot of legal documents to complete and file with the state or federal government. However, the funeral director will take the lead on some of this documentation, ensuring that everything is taken care of as needed. For instance, the funeral director will:

Submit documentation for an official death certificate
Help the family obtain certified copies of the death certificate
Request cremation or burial authorization documents and permits
Explain the benefits available through Social Security or the Veteran’s Administration
Assist with submitting claims for prepaid burial plans, insurance policies, or annuities on behalf of surviving family members
Stay informed on any policies, regulations, or laws to ensure that funeral service operations are in compliance

6. Share grief resources

After the funeral or memorial service, the funeral director may continue to check in with the grieving family to see how they are doing. As the funeral director listens to and assesses the family’s needs, they may:

Provide grief assistance and grief resources
Connect the families and friends with local grief counselors
Share support group activities in the area

7. Help families plan ahead

While most of a funeral director’s responsibilities occur after a loss, not all do. For instance, they do often help families record funeral wishes ahead of time. Planning ahead for funeral wishes can be extremely helpful to loved ones. The more your family knows about your final wishes, the easier the funeral planning process will be after you’re gone. At the time of loss, many families are plagued by the question, “Did we do the right thing?” It would be so much easier if they knew exactly what you wanted. This is why funeral directors actively work with families to create a written plan that will benefit surviving family members. The funeral director will:

Ask questions about your wishes
Determine whether you prefer cremation or burial
Review casket, urn, and grave liner/vault options
Go over permanent memorial options
Share the benefits of having a healing and meaningful service
Brainstorm ways to personalize the funeral or memorial service
Gather vital statistics information
Review veterans’ burial benefits, if applicable
Discuss payment options (if you would like to pay in advance to save your family from the expense in the future)
And more!

8. Run a small business

Lastly, a number of funeral homes are family-run businesses, and funeral directors may need to wear a few different hats. When they aren’t assisting families, the funeral director may need to:

Work with various vendors such as florists, caterers, and cemeteries to fulfill the family’s wishes
Submit death certificates to the state
File necessary documentation and permits
Complete billing, bookkeeping, and payroll duties
Keep accurate records of inventory
See to any last-minute details for the family
Other duties to keep a small business running

As you can see, funeral directors do quite a lot. While there may be some things you’d like to do yourself, the professionals are there to take care of you! They know exactly what is needed and can make everything a little easier.

*NOTE: This article seeks to list the vast majority of the responsibilities of a funeral director, but it’s not comprehensive.