A headstone or plaque doesn’t just mark someone’s final resting place. They also serve as symbols, reminders of the lost loved one, and ways to honor their memory. That’s why the epitaph, the words inscribed on a headstone, plaque, or memorial marker, is so important.
Epitaphs have a long history, but they have taken many forms over the years. They can be light-hearted and witty or inspirational and profound. All great epitaphs reflect the deceased’s spirit and put a unique, personalized touch on the marker. If you want to memorialize your loved one’s life in an interesting way or plan ahead for your own inscription, consider the following tips for creating a unique epitaph.
Brainstorm ideas
To start, brainstorm a few ideas. Did your loved one have a signature saying? Was there a movie, book, or song that they loved? How would you describe their character and the life they lived? Write down anything that reminds you of your loved one to get your creativity flowing, even if you’re pretty sure you won’t use what you write.
Put yourself in your loved one’s shoes
Next, consider what your loved one would want on their epitaph. Would they prefer a light-hearted, humorous quote? Or one that moves people deeply and encourages them in daily life? Would they want their epitaph to talk about their personality, interests, hobbies, or role as a father, mother, or child? Look for options that would honor their preferences, priorities, and personality.
Consider your loved one’s principles, beliefs, and values
Was your loved one a person of faith? You may want to consider using their favorite Bible verse. Or was there a cause they were passionate about and dedicated their time to? Maybe you could mention that. You could also consider using a quote from a poem, song, or literary work. Whatever you choose, make sure it represents the individual’s life and what was most important to them.
Share their legacy
Alternatively, many epitaphs share a snapshot of the person’s legacy. You might see epitaphs like “Beloved wife, mother, and friend” or “He gave his life for his country.” These brief testaments highlight the impact the deceased made and can comfort those who come back year after year to visit the grave.
Keep it short
The length of an epitaph will vary, but in most cases, it should be as compact as possible. Consider the amount of space you have available and the kind of material it will be inscribed on. Your funeral director or monument specialist can help answer your questions about your chosen monument or plaque. But in general, it’s best to keep the epitaph short.
Think big picture
The epitaph is an opportunity to communicate a message to people who will visit your loved one for years to come. For this reason, it’s important to decide on an epitaph that will stand the test of time. Consider something with a long-standing appeal and try to avoid fads or a cultural reference that may fade into obscurity as the years go by. The choice is ultimately up to you and your family, though!
Get feedback
After you’ve settled on a few options you like, get feedback from other family members. Your family may have preferences about what goes on your loved one’s marker, so get their input before deciding on the epitaph. For example, if the epitaph is for a parent, ensure all your siblings are on board with the decision. Once everyone agrees, you’re ready to go!
As you consider what to put on your loved one’s grave, don’t be afraid to think outside the box! You could include their signature recipe or use a QR code that links to a memorial website. No matter what you choose, focus on picking something personalized that truly reflects your loved one’s life.
When honoring a loved one’s life with a meaningful service, it’s important to find ways to tap into the essence of who they were as a person. By adding personalized elements, you can really celebrate and lovingly remember what made them who they were. One way to add a special touch to any final tribute is to choose musical selections and funeral songs that align with your loved one’s personality, beliefs, or preferences.
You may not know where to start when choosing meaningful music, so we’ve compiled a list of funeral songs for your review. You will find songs of many genres – spiritual, classical, rock, country, and more. Browse through the list and review the articles that best fit your loved one’s lifestyle and musical preferences. May you find the perfect songs to salute your loved one’s life and highlight what made them unique and loved.
By Style or Genre
In this section, you will find songs from different types and styles of music. If something appeals to you, simply click on the heading to review the songs.
If your loved one found more comfort in modern praise and worship songs (or enjoyed a range of spiritual genres), these more modern Christian songs could add an element of hope and peace to the service.
Loved by millions around the world, country music has established itself as a musical genre that speaks to the heart in a poignant way. If your loved one had an affinity for country music, check out this list of 12 funeral songs.
Classical music transcends and brings out emotions that are resting just below the service. If your loved one enjoyed classical music or was a classical musician, you might consider including one of these lovely songs in their funeral ceremony.
With songs from multiple genres, this list encourages you to pick what feels like the most appropriate tribute. There’s no right or wrong when choosing music for a loved one’s service. There’s only what reflects who they were as a person.
By Decade
Did your loved one gravitate toward a particular decade of music? That could be another way to choose music to honor your loved one’s life. In this section, you will find beloved songs from each decade that could also serve as a beautiful tribute.
The 1940s saw the beginning of new things in the music industry. The decade included everything from stirring ballads of wartime sorrow to Big Band music and the blossoming careers of artists like Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra. The 1940s offers a bounty of beautiful songs to choose from.
With the rise of artists like Elvis Presley, Nat King Cole, and Buddy Holly, the 1950s introduced a new sound. For loved ones who grew up during this decade or had a particular affinity to it, consider checking out these funeral songs.
With instantly recognizable classics, this list includes popular hits by Ben E. King, Elvis Presley, Johnny Cash, and The Beatles. If you are looking to add a little more groove to a loved one’s final tribute, this list may provide you with a few song ideas.
From Simon & Garfunkel to John Denver, this curated list provides you with 9 stunning options for a celebration of life. Whether your loved one grew up in the 70s or came to appreciate its music later, you are sure to find a song to honor their life in a meaningful way.
The 1980s brought a distinct sound with it, and for many, it’s the anthem of their youth. On this list, you will find heartfelt tunes from Cyndi Lauper, Bette Midler, Queen, and others. Perfect for any 80s aficionado, browse the list to see if anything reflects your loved one’s unique life.
Hopefully, this compilation of musical selections helps you find music that sets the tone for your loved one’s final tribute. And if you’d like more information about personalizing the funeral, check out these resources.
Music is an important element of a funeral ceremony because it helps us process feelings that are difficult to put into words. As Dr. Alan Wolfelt tells us, music imprints itself on our hearts more than any other experience in life. For people of faith, these feelings are often best expressed in hymns, which are songs of devotion or praise to God. If you are looking for timeless songs of faith to honor the life of a loved one, you may want to consider using one of these 10 beautiful hymns.
1. It is Well With My Soul (written by Horatio Gates Spafford, 1873)
When peace like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
“It is well, it is well with my soul.”
Spafford’s devout hymn was composed in the midst of great tragedy. In 1873, he and his family planned to visit England via steamship, but Spafford was delayed due to business responsibilities. His wife and four daughters went ahead of him, but tragically, he received a telegram from his wife informing him that their ship had sunk in the Atlantic and their four daughters had all perished.
In the aftermath of the event, Spafford wrote one of the most memorable of all hymns. Devoid of bitterness, the song is a testament to the level of Spafford’s faith even in the worst of times. His firm belief in the return of the Lord, vividly described as a day when the clouds will be “rolled back as a scroll,” is a beautiful sentiment that reminds Christian believers of the true home ahead.
2. Great is Thy Faithfulness (written by Thomas O. Chisolm, 1923)
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
After the loss of a loved one, people often experience disorientation and confusion. How do we respond to loss, and how do we find a way to move forward in our own lives? When a loved one dies, so much changes in our lives, and the natural response is to find something to cling to. For many people, that thing is their faith.
The words of this 20th century hymn provide a reminder that some things are constant in the world. People of faith will find great comfort in singing, “Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not, / As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be.” While nothing can take away the pain of loss, this hymn reminds us that some things in life, like God and His love, always stay the same.
3. I Need Thee (written by Annie Hawks and Robert Lowry, 1872)
I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
Oh, bless me now, my Savior!
I come to Thee.
In times of grief and loss, leaning on faith can become even more important. The lyrics say, “Every hour I need thee.” Not monthly, weekly, or daily. Hourly. The speaker requires the assistance of the Lord in every activity and situation to see it through to completion. Every step of the journey is difficult and requires the presence of God.
A cry of devotion in times of hardship, this 19th century favorite touches on themes of perseverance, faith, suffering, and comfort. Funeral attendees may view this song as a request for God’s guidance through every stage of the grief journey. The acknowledgement of God’s presence encourages mourners as they prepare for a new way of life and set out on the road to healing.
4. Abide With Me (written by Henry Francis Lyte, 1847)
Abide with me, fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.
Faced with tuberculosis and the knowledge of his impending death, 54-year-old Henry Francis Lyte used his time of illness as an opportunity to write one of the most beautiful and well-loved of all hymns. Not surprisingly, it has become a popular choice for spiritual funerals.
The fact that Lyte was so close to death’s door makes this reflection on mortality and his personal relationship with God all the more powerful. But the song appeals not only to those nearing the end of their days, but also to mourners who are facing the end of life with their loved one’s presence. Even as “the darkness deepens,” God answers the heartfelt request that He remain near.
5. ‘Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus (written by Louisa Stead, 1882)
‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His word;
Just to rest upon His promise;
…to know, Thus saith the Lord.
Like most of the hymns on this list, this 19th century classic gives mourners a source of stability, a rock to lean on in times of hardship. Funeral audiences can find peace of mind in the knowledge that the stress, fear, and doubt that often accompany a loss are in the hands of a higher power.
Stead suggests that there is no need to hold on to anything or to assume a heavy burden. Our sole responsibility is “Just from Jesus simply taking, / life, and rest, and joy, and peace.” While this assurance does not eradicate the pain of loss, it does provide some comfort and can serve to alleviate the guilt, frustration, and stress people often wrestle with on the road to healing.
6. Guide Me, O Thou Great Redeemer (written by William Williams, 1745)
Guide me, O thou great redeemer,
Pilgrim through this barren land;
I am weak, but thou art mighty,
Hold me with thy powerful hand.
William Williams frames his most famous hymn in terms of a journey. Throughout all three stanzas, he asks God to guide him on his course. In the first stanza, he is a pilgrim wandering through a barren land. In the second, he uses imagery from Exodus 13, asking God to bring fire and a pillar of cloud to lead the way. And in the third, he is traveling across the Jordan to get to the land of Canaan.
All three images correlate to the path that the mourner takes on his grief journey. Williams’ steadfast reliance on God during times of painful and frightening transition is relatable to mourners, making this three-and-a-half-century-old hymn as timely and relevant as the day it was written.
7. In the Sweet By and By (written by Sanford Fillmore Bennett, 1868)
There’s a land that is fairer than day,
And by faith we can see it afar;
For the Father waits over the way
To prepare us a dwelling place there.
This hopeful and faith-driven song communicates a sense of peace to the listener by drawing upon imagery of another, happier land. For funeral audiences, the song’s words of a faraway shore imply that loved ones are at peace with the Lord. While this knowledge doesn’t take away the pain that mourners feel, it offers some light during a difficult time.
Bennett claims that after death, “Our spirits shall sorrow no more, / Not a sigh for the blessing of rest.” This emphasis on rest and peace encourages loved ones and provides them with inner strength as they work through their grief.
8. Leaning on the Everlasting Arms (written by Anthony J. Showalter and Elisha Hoffman, 1887)
What have I to dread, what have I to fear,
Leaning on the everlasting arms?
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.
When it comes to comforting hymns, this beautiful song of surrender is unmatched. The three stanzas, accompanied by a simple refrain, contain everything that you could want in a song for a religious funeral: a gorgeous melody, a modest length, and reassuring words of peace. Leaning on the Everlasting Arms is to religious hymns what Psalm 23 is to religious writing. It is a perfect lyrical distillation of the human soul’s devotion to God.
For mourners faced with the emotional exhaustion that accompanies the loss of a loved one, it’s a blessing to hear that one can lean on the everlasting arms of God and rest “safe and secure from all alarms.” The theme of security applies equally well to those who are living and to those who have passed on. God’s love and peace is available in the here and now, as well as in the hereafter.
9. Amazing Grace (written by John Newton, 1779)
When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’d first begun.
Probably the most famous of all hymns, this song of redemption penned by a slave-trader-turned-abolitionist has captured the hearts of countless Christians. While certain stanzas dealing with sin and repentance may seem less suited to a funeral audience, the song’s reputation as a Christian anthem makes it a great choice for any religious event.
And there’s no doubt that the final stanza, with its beautiful depiction of the afterlife, will speak directly to mourners. Amazing Grace taps into the essence of what it means to believe in God, and the universal love that believers bestow on it indicates that it is a powerful representation of faith. For a funeral ceremony, you may want to consider singing at least a few stanzas of this masterpiece.
10. I’ll Fly Away (written by Albert E. Brumley, 1929)
Just a few more weary days and then,
I’ll fly away;
To a land where joy shall never end,
I’ll fly away.
This extremely popular gospel song speaks to our desire for peace and how death is a time of joy and rest. By framing life’s transience in a positive light, the song encourages us to see the full scope of the story, the larger picture. The troubles and pains of this life are but a tiny moment in time compared to the eternal land that awaits.
The upbeat melody conveys not only joy and peace, but also confidence and steadfastness. “I’ll fly away” is not spoken as a mere possibility but as a true reality. To sing this familiar gospel song in a funeral setting is to feel the pain of absence while simultaneously receiving the assurance that the spirit of a loved one has “flown away” to be with the Lord.
This list is far from comprehensive, so if you didn’t find a hymn that speaks to your heart, that’s okay. Look at songs in your faith tradition. What hymns did your loved one often sing? Are there any hymns that came up often in church or at home? No matter what they are, choose the hymns that best reflect your loved one’s life, personality, and beliefs.
As you plan a funeral for a loved one or preplan for yourself, there are a lot of decisions you’ll need to make. If you choose burial, one question you’ll need to ask is what type of casket you should pick.
Caskets are one of the more expensive elements of the funeral and burial process, so it’s important to know what you want. Before purchasing, research various types of caskets and their associated costs.
To get you started, here are five questions to help you decide what you’re looking for in a casket.
1. Do You Want a Casket or a Coffin?
Before examining the different caskets available, we need to make sure that we know exactly what we are referring to when we use the term. While the word casket is often used interchangeably with coffin, there is an important difference between the two: a coffin is hexagonal or octagonal, while the casket is rectangular. Also, a casket often contains a split lid to view the body, while a coffin does not.
In the photo above, the two containers on the ends are coffins, while the one in the middle is a casket. Caskets are more prevalent in the U.S., while coffins have a long tradition of popularity in the U.K.
2. What Material Do You Want?
Most caskets are made of wood or metal, but there are many other options, too! Here are a few of the most common materials for caskets:
Wood
High-cost materials: Mahogany, Walnut, and Cherry
Medium-cost materials: Oak, Birch, and Maple
Low-cost materials: Pine, Poplar, and Willow
Metal
Standard Steel: The least expensive type of metal casket available. Available in 20-gauge, 18-gauge, and 16-gauge. The term “gauge” refers to the thickness of the metal. The lower the gauge, the thicker the material.
Stainless Steel: More durable than standard steel and a little more expensive. Available in the same gauges as standard steel.
Copper and Bronze: Durable, high-quality metals, but far more expensive than steel. These metals have rust-resistant properties that steel lacks, but they will eventually oxidize and break down in a manner similar to rusting. Unlike steel caskets, they are measured by weight instead of gauge.
Eco-Friendly
Want to go green? You also have environmentally friendly options! Wicker caskets made from bamboo, willow, or seagrass are popular choices. Cardboard caskets are another option, and some can be decorated with a digitally printed design. You can also look into burial shrouds made of wool, cotton, linen, and silk. If you want to be environmentally conscious but desire a traditional wooden coffin, consider a coffin made from sustainably sourced wood.
However, if you want the burial to take place in a natural or green cemetery, ask them about their guidelines for green burial first. Some cemeteries have regulations about what burial containers are allowed.
Alternative Containers, Cremation Caskets, and Rental Caskets
If you opt for cremation, you may still want to decide on a casket or container to use. A cremation casket is a wooden casket that can be cremated with the body after the service. An alternative container, generally made of wood, cardboard, or fiberboard, is a cheaper option. If you want a ceremonial casket at the funeral, most funeral homes offer a rental casket for the service, which isn’t as weird as it sounds. Rental caskets include a place to insert the cremation container to be placed inside for the service. After the service, the cremation container is removed for cremation, offering the best of both worlds.
3. Should Your Casket Be Gasketed or Non-Gasketed?
You may have heard people refer to certain metal caskets as “gasketed.” A gasketed casket, also known as a protective or sealer casket, is sealed with a rubber gasket to keep the elements from entering the casket. A non-gasketed or non-sealer casket doesn’t have a sealing system, but it still closes securely.
While a seal will protect the casket for a long time, it will not preserve it indefinitely. It simply keeps outside elements from entering the casket. Sometimes, a gasketed casket may be required, but talk to your funeral director or cemetery to learn about their guidelines.
4. Who Should You Talk to About Purchasing a Casket?
Visiting your local funeral home to browse their casket selection in person is a good idea. If you do, ask your funeral director to show you a list of available caskets before showing you the caskets they have in their showroom, so you can get a better idea of what options they have.
Make sure to ask to see a variety of caskets in different price ranges. Some customers buy the first casket they see and don’t review all the options. Don’t rush through the process of purchasing the casket. Get the full picture, explore all available options, and talk to your funeral director if you have any questions. Remember that the funeral director is there to help, and their experience can be beneficial.
5. Do You Need a Burial Vault or Grave Liner?
Grave liners and burial vaults are outer burial containers that play an important structural role in maintaining level ground in a cemetery. Over time, caskets deteriorate, weighed down by six feet of earth and the heavy machinery used to maintain the cemetery grounds. When this happens, the ground sinks, leaving an uneven landscape in the cemetery.
To avoid this, caskets are usually placed in solid structures that can bear the weight of the earth, helping to maintain the integrity of the cemetery grounds. The grave liner or burial vault holds the casket solely for this purpose.
Though not required by law, most cemeteries require a burial vault or grave liner. However, green cemeteries and nature preserves generally do not. Talk to the cemetery you are considering to find out if you need an outer burial container.
As you select a casket, take time to learn about all the different options. Your funeral director can help you understand what choices are available to you. No matter what you choose, remember that there are plenty of ways to personalize the casket of your choice and make it unique to you or your loved one.
The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness?
You can choose music uniquely suited to your loved one’s interests. You could include readings or symbols or healing actions that are meaningful and tailored to your lost loved one’s preferences. Another way you can personalize the funeral is by choosing a location for the service that fits who they were as a person. Let’s discuss the possibilities.
First, Why Does Personalization Matter?
Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected grief counselor and author, believes that personalizing the funeral is critical to honoring a loved one’s life and finding healing after loss. He says:
“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.”
In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!
A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways.
How to Personalize the Location of a Funeral
Depending on what events you decide to include, you have many options for choosing a unique location. If you have a service, a visitation, and a gathering, you could choose separate places for each. For example, the visitation could take place at the funeral home, the service at your local church, and the gathering at your loved one’s Rotary Club, favorite restaurant, or wherever you wish.
The point of choosing a specific location is to add an extra element of meaningful personalization to the funeral, so it really feels like the best way to honor your loved one’s life.
Here are a few ideas for choosing a personalized location:
1. Choose a convenient place
Sometimes, the easiest and best option is to have the funeral or memorial service at the funeral home itself. Many funeral homes offer beautiful facilities and will let you decorate the room to reflect your loved one’s life. You could include photos, mementoes, cherished possessions, flowers, balloons, whatever seems to appropriately reflect your loved one’s hobbies and interests.
Alternatively, you could choose to host the service in your own or the deceased’s home. While this option is not as popular, it could be convenient for your family and would allow you to have the service in a comfortable environment.
2. Choose a place of worship
For those who are religious, having the service at a place of worship may be the best location for your loved one. Your funeral director will help you coordinate with a local church, synagogue, mosque, or other place of worship. And if it’s allowed, you could also add special touches to that location that will reflect your loved one’s unique life.
3. Choose a place related to their interests
Another option is to select a place that has special meaning to your loved one. If they coached little league, perhaps you could hold part of the ceremony at the local baseball diamond. If they were part of a gardening club, you might be able to host the ceremony at the rose garden. For those who loved the beach, ask friends and family to come to a memorial service at sunset. Again, chat with your funeral director about the options. The funeral home staff will do everything they legally can to make your wishes become reality.
4. Choose a place related to their professional career
For those deeply dedicated to their career or field of study, you could select a location that is significant to their achievements. For example, you could choose to bury a veteran in a national cemetery and have the service there. Or for a mariner, you could opt for a service and burial at sea. For those dedicated to teaching or the medical field, you could possibly hold a ceremony at their university, school, or hospital. While some professional spaces will be off-limits, you never know unless you ask.
No matter what you choose for the location of a funeral, make sure that you add other meaningful touches to the event. These special touches combined will make the service even more touching and healing.
Additional Personalization Resources
If you’d like more information about how to personalize the funeral, give these resources a quick read:
You may not usually associate funeral homes and technology with each other, but that’s changing! In recent years, funeral homes have been working hard to add new and updated technology to their offerings. As technology becomes more and more prevalent in every aspect of our daily lives, it’s essential that the funeral industry keep up and change with it. By taking the best of the classical funeral experience and fusing it with the latest technological innovations, funeral homes can help families craft even more meaningful ceremonies to honor their loved ones.
But what are some technological updates you may find at a funeral home?
Slideshows and Memorial Tribute Videos
Previously, physical photographs of the deceased were displayed near the casket, but now, it’s very common to see a slideshow or a memorial tribute video at a funeral. Video and music capabilities have increased the level of personalization in the average funeral. Clips of the deceased or favorite songs are played to capture the spirit of a loved one. These developments illustrate technology’s potential to enrich a ceremony and aid in the grieving process.
However, you can still place physical photos and mementoes at the service to add meaningful touches to the funeral’s personalization. The slideshow or memorial tribute video doesn’t have to replace physical photos – but the video can enhance your ability to tell your loved one’s story by allowing you to share more photos in chronological order.
Livestreaming the Service
Another innovation is the ability to livestream a funeral or memorial service. While it’s always best to participate in person when possible, livestreaming can be very useful in some circumstances because it allows people with mobility issues or who live in distant places to connect.
For example, if a family member or friend is overseas and unable to attend the service, sharing a livestream link would allow them to participate from a distance. And with more families spread out across the United States, livestreaming has become a much more common practice in funerals today.
Up-to-Date Websites
With advances in website design and easier accessibility, many funeral homes have made the leap into up-to-date, easy-to-navigate websites. These websites often contain obituaries, grief resources, aftercare information, and online forms for prearranging funerals. Sometimes, you can even use the funeral home website to send flowers to those who are grieving.
Take a couple of minutes to visit your local funeral home’s website to see what services they offer and what resources they provide. You may be surprised at the variety of information available.
Social Media Presence
Social media has really changed the game for honoring and remembering loved ones. Not only can families access a loved one’s account to post a meaningful final tribute post, but their extended family and friends can comment to show how much that special person touched their lives.
On top of that, many funeral homes now also have Facebook or Instagram accounts where they post obituaries, local events, funeral education information, and much more. If you follow a funeral home’s social media accounts, you can also learn about various topics related to funerals, from preplanning resources to special promotions and events they’re hosting.
Online Funeral Planning
With advances in technology, many funeral homes are now able to offer families an online experience. Because we are used to doing most things online, this service facilitates more efficient communication between families and funeral directors. Rather than having a paper file with your name on it, there’s a complete digital file where everything is recorded.
Additionally, some funeral homes now offer the option to purchase funeral packages online. In this way, if you’d prefer, you can take care of everything online from the comfort of home. Of course, funeral home staff are ready and willing to answer any questions you may have. They are often open to house calls, if that’s easier for you.
Online Payments
In addition to being able to plan the funeral online, many funeral homes now offer the option to pay online, as well. Using an accepted form of currency (ex: credit or debit card), you can easily pay online as seamlessly as you would on any internet site.
Please note: paying online is not available at all funeral homes. Please ask your preferred funeral home what their payments options are and whether you can pay online.
AI Writer Assistance
We’ve all seen AI coming into greater use recently. Some aren’t too thrilled about it, while others are fully embracing AI and its capabilities. For the funeral profession, perhaps the biggest impact AI has had is in writing obituaries. For the family who doesn’t feel comfortable with their writing skills or just wants a quick double-check, AI writing applications can help. Some funeral homes may offer the services of a staff member, and if so, go for it! Otherwise, you could explore whether using AI would be useful to you and your family.
Continuing Innovation
Exciting advances are regularly being made in the technological world. And as funeral homes adopt these advances, they can better serve their clients. It’s exciting to see how future technology will enhance our ability to honor and remember loved ones.
To learn what technology is available in your area, give your local, trusted funeral home a call. The knowledgeable staff will be happy to discuss how technology can assist you in creating a meaningful ceremony.
The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can incorporate healing actions to personalize a loved one’s final tribute and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.
First, Why Does Personalization Matter?
“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique.Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.” – Dr. Alan Wolfelt
In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!
A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors a life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about healing actions and their vital role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!
How to Personalize Healing Actions at a Funeral
During times of grief, healing actions allow us to put our inward feelings into outward action. For example, it’s therapeutic to take flowers to a loved one’s grave or write down what we’re feeling or sit down to chat with a friend about cherished memories. These types of actions help us heal. But how can you incorporate healing actions into a funeral service?
1. Add a group activity
One option is to create an activity that everyone can participate in. For example, provide notecards for mourners to write down memories to share with the grieving family. Create a group photo collage by requesting that people bring a photo of themselves with the person who has died. If your loved one was an RC plane hobbyist, ask their buddies to do a flyover at the graveside service. Set a theme – a favorite color, movie, sports team – and ask mourners to dress accordingly. There are many ways to invite people into healing actions while keeping it simple.
2. Include a release or lighting ceremony
With a release ceremony, the idea is to release something into the sky, as a symbolic way of releasing a loved one’s spirit to heaven. You could choose to release butterflies, doves, or whatever else makes sense for your family (as long as it doesn’t harm the environment). On the other hand, a lighting ceremony allows mourners to light candles of remembrance in honor of the person who has died. Talk with your funeral director about your options and find what works best for your needs.
3. Ask people to participate in specific roles
Throughout the funeral or memorial service, there will be opportunities for people to step in and participate in healing actions. You could ask family or friends to act as eulogists, readers, singers, musicians, or pallbearers. If you plan to host a gathering after the service, consider potluck style and request that people bring dishes. Ask friends to act as greeters or ushers. Active participation will make people feel included and like they truly had a chance to honor that special person.
4. Incorporate traditional healing elements
Finally, there is great comfort in tradition. Feel free to include customary healing actions, like a funeral procession, viewing of the body, visitation, or graveside service. The ultimate goal is that mourners feel they have been part of a proper sendoff and said goodbye in a way that brings peace. Speak with your funeral director about including traditional healing elements in the service so you can decide which ones make the most sense for your loved one’s final tribute.
Questions to Help You Brainstorm
Perhaps ideas are already coming to mind about how you can incorporate healing actions into the final tribute – that’s great! However, for those who may be drawing a blank, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what kinds of actions you could include at a service.
Did your loved one enjoy a particular sport/activity that could be included?
Is there something special you could release?
Would you like to set a theme?
Were they of a profession where a special tribute could be included (police officer, fireman, veteran, etc.)?
Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for selecting actions that will not only personalize the funeral but add special meaning. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.
For additional inspiration, here are more articles on healing actions that may help:
When it comes to planning a loved one’s celebration of life or final tribute, music plays a pivotal role. It sets the tone and invites people to express their emotions openly. To create a truly personal tribute, it’s important to choose songs that are meaningful or significant in some way. For those who grew up through the decade – or just love the music from that decade – here’s a list of 1980s songs to consider including at a loved one’s celebration of life.
1. Always Something There to Remind Me (Naked Eyes – 1982)
Oh, how can I forget you? When there is always something there to remind me Always something there to remind me
An enduring cover of the original song, this 1980s version has become a true classic. As with many love songs, its focus on love, loss, and memory makes it an appropriate song for a funeral or memorial service. As the lyrics state, how can we ever forget those we love? We won’t and that’s as it should be. Those we have loved and lost will continue to live on in our hearts and memories for the remainder of our lives.
2. Time After Time (Cyndi Lauper – 1984)
If you’re lost, you can look, and you will find me Time after time If you fall, I will catch you, I’ll be waiting Time after time
Anyone familiar with the best jams from the 80s will know this catchy title. Cyndi Lauper’s first #1 hit in the United States, its message is both bittersweet and hopeful. For the grieving, its discussion of feeling confused, experiencing flashbacks, and having suitcases of memories may feel familiar. You may feel the same way. But as the song says, even when you’re feeling lost, you can find your loved one – look to your memories!
3. Endless Love (Diana Ross & Lionel Richie – 1981)
Ooh, yes You will always be My endless love
For those who are mourning the loss of a spouse or partner, this gorgeous song may be a worthy addition to a celebration of life. Not only does the music cascade around you and carry you with it, but its lyrics are unforgettable. Having an “endless love” is a beautiful thing and a true gift in this life. If that’s true of your relationship with someone, consider including this classic to honor and celebrate that love.
4. Wind Beneath My Wings (Bette Midler – 1988)
Did you ever know that you’re my hero And everything I would like to be? I can fly higher than an eagle For you are the wind beneath my wings
Part of the soundtrack for the movie Beaches, this moving rendition highlights the relationships in our lives that make us feel encouraged, lifted up, and capable of so much more. Perhaps one of the most-played funeral songs, it’s perfect to honor a mentor, a parent, or someone who has been a constant source of love and support in your life.
5. Total Eclipse of the Heart (Bonnie Tyler – 1983)
(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit tired Of listening to the sound of my tears
While this recognizable tune may seem an unusual addition to the list, it describes the grieving process very well. Sometimes, you will feel lonely, tired, nervous, or a bit terrified. You may occasionally feel like you’re falling apart. Just as the singer is experiencing an eclipse of the heart through the dissolution of a relationship, so are you – through the death of a loved one.
So goodbye my friend I know I’ll never see you again But the time together through all the years Will take away these tears
Though not Linda Ronstadt’s most well-known song, this one still hits the mark. It speaks about the unexpectedness of death but also how the good times – the cherished memories – will carry you through the grief journey ahead. In fact, it’s those memories and the love you shared that will take away the tears. With its focus on friendship, this song is a good addition to a final tribute for someone you considered a dear friend.
7. Who Wants to Live Forever (Queen – 1986)
And we can have forever And we can love forever Forever is our today
A true legend, Queen produced music that still speaks to us today. With its ethereal and absolutely stunning sound, “Who Wants to Live Forever” forces us to confront a question we rarely ask ourselves. Do we really want to live forever? And the song suggests that rather than trying to life forever, let’s instead make the most of the “one sweet moment set aside for us.” This song is perfect for the Queen enthusiast or someone who thought about the deep things in life.
8. How Am I Supposed to Live Without You (Michael Bolton – 1983)
Tell me, how am I supposed to live without you?
Now that I’ve been loving you so long
In his signature style, Michael Bolton takes us along for an emotional experience with this heart-wrenching song. As with many love songs, it works well as a funeral song for a beloved spouse or partner. After loss, the future may look scary or unfamiliar, and you may not be sure how you are supposed to live without that special person. The lyrics perfectly capture that sense of love, loss, and trying to find the way forward.
9. I’ll Be Loving You (Forever) – (New Kids on the Block – 1989)
We’ve gone too far to ever turn back now This love will last forever I can see it all now
With its soft cadence and soothing melody, this song from New Kids on the Block will set the tone for any celebration of life. With softness and kindness, its lyrics help us remember that when we lose someone we love, they are never truly gone. Love lasts forever – far beyond the years we have together. While this song naturally lends itself to being used for the final tribute for a significant other, you could also use it for a female sibling, parent, or friend.
10. Forever Young (Rod Stewart – 1988)
Be courageous and be brave And in my heart you’ll always stay Forever young, forever young
Written by Rod Stewart with his children in mind, “Forever Young” became an instant classic. The song doubles as a reminder that our loved ones will be forever young, forever alive, in our memories. No matter what life may bring in the years ahead, your loved one will be remembered and never forgotten. Consider this song for honoring the life of a parent, a child, a young person, or someone who was eternally young at heart.
The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can use symbols to personalize a loved one’s final tribute and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.
First, Why Does Personalization Matter?
“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.” – Dr. Alan Wolfelt
In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!
A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about symbols and their role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!
How to Personalize Symbols at a Funeral
Symbols are an important aspect of a funeral because they convey love and comfort, facilitate expression, and offer a focus point for the bereaved. Common symbols are an appropriate religious symbol, flowers, personal items, candles, or whatever feels best to honor your loved one.
1. Include appropriate religious symbols
For people of faith, consider including religious symbols at the service. At a Catholic or Protestant Christian funeral, this could mean placing the Bible or a cross in a prominent location. For Jewish funerals, perhaps you could include the Star of David or read meaningful passages from the Torah. Depending on the religion the person followed, there are many possible symbols to incorporate that would honor their beliefs. If the person whose life you want to celebrate wasn’t religious, check out How to Plan a Healing Funeral if You Are Not Religious.
2. Include cultural or traditional elements
Another possible source for symbols is cultural or traditional elements. For example, it’s customary in the United States to place the casket or urn in a place of prominence so that it will be the focal point of a service. Or you could have a funeral procession, which acts as a symbol of respect and final rest. Drape a flag over a veteran’s casket or urn. Also, consider including cultural elements. For example, in many Asian countries, white is the color of mourning. You may choose to include white flowers or white accents to honor that tradition.
3. Turn special items into symbols
If you’d like an even more personal option, you can turn special items into symbols. For one grieving family, an appropriate symbol was the quilts their grandmother made. Before her death, she made a quilt for every child and grandchild, and at her final tribute, the quilts were displayed on the pews – a representation of her love and impact on her family. You could use a prized record collection, personal artwork, or even bring their Harley-Davidson into the venue.
4. Invite guests to participate
If you’d like to add a much broader symbolic element to a loved one’s final tribute, consider inviting guests to participate. You could ask everyone to wear the deceased’s favorite color. If they were a Harry Potter or Star Wars fan, ask people to wear something in that theme. You could ask guests to bring in a favorite photo to add to a group collage set up near the casket or urn. There are so many ways to include others in adding meaningful symbolism to a funeral service.
Questions to Help You Brainstorm
If ideas aren’t coming to mind already, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what kinds of symbols you could include at a service.
Are there any traditional funeral elements that bring you comfort?
Is there a part of your cultural or religious background that should be included?
Did your loved one collect anything?
Was your loved one part of any groups that have recognizable symbols?
Did their choice of career include any symbols, such as a stethoscope for a doctor?
Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for choosing symbols that will not only personalize the funeral but add special meaning as well. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.
When you’re planning a funeral for a veteran, it’s always a good idea to look into the burial benefits that are available through the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA). Some families are able to save hundreds, or even thousands, of dollars by tapping into these financial benefits. But what benefits are available to veterans?
Reimbursement for Funeral Services
When a veteran dies, the surviving family members may apply for an allowance as partial reimbursement for an eligible veteran’s burial/cremation and funeral costs. Allowances are split into two types: a burial allowance and a plot allowance. Make sure you keep all receipts from the veteran’s funeral services, so they can be submitted with your application for reimbursement.
The allowance amount depends on several factors, including whether or not the death was service-related. To learn more about allowance amounts and how to apply, please click here.
Burial in a National Cemetery
Some veterans may choose burial in a U.S. National Cemetery or state veterans cemetery.
For burial in a national cemetery, all expenses are fully covered, at no cost to the family. However, because the VA takes on full responsibility for burial, the surviving family cannot apply for a plot allowance. (They can still apply for reimbursement on other funeral services.) Click here to learn about the eligibility requirements for burial in a U.S. National Cemetery.
However, with a state veterans cemetery, there may be some costs. These types of cemeteries are run by the individual states and may have their own rules and regulations. The cost will likely be minimal, but it’s not guaranteed to be free of charge. Your funeral director will know which state veterans cemeteries are close by and can help you figure out if there will be a cost for burial.
The VA does not pay for burial in a private cemetery, but the family can apply for a plot allowance to assist with the cost of purchasing a plot or niche. Additionally, a veteran’s family can still request a government-issued headstone.
Headstones and Grave Markers
A deceased veteran, discharged under any condition except dishonorable, is entitled to a standard government headstone or marker. Upon request, the VA will furnish the headstone or marker for the gravesite.
Markers are available for both burial and cremation. Flat markers come in granite, marble, and bronze while upright headstones are available in granite and marble. In national cemeteries or veteran state cemeteries, the style must be consistent with existing monuments or markers at the burial site.
Click here to learn more about grave markers, headstones, and medallions available through the VA.
United States Burial Flag
The VA will provide a United States flag to drape over the casket or urn of a deceased veteran. Only one flag is provided per veteran. In general, the next of kin receives the flag; however, the VA will furnish the flag to a friend upon request.
What Documents Do You Need to Claim VA Burial Benefits?
One of the most difficult tasks for a survivor after the death of the veteran is the completion of numerous claims forms for VA benefits. To help facilitate the process of claiming a veteran’s burial benefits, below is a list of documents you will need to bring with you to the VA office:
Veteran’s birth certificate (to determine a parent’s benefits)
Veteran’s death certificate
Marriage license (if applicable) or divorce decree
Children’s birth certificates (if applicable)
Government life insurance policy
For more information about veterans’ benefits, please call the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs or visit their website at www.va.gov/burials-memorials.
