Planning Tools Archives - Funeral Basics

Jul 11

Man standing next to casket with white rose in his hands

Planning a Funeral for Dad: A Comprehensive Guide

By christy.kessler Meaningful Funerals, Planning Tools

Dads are special people, their strength and steadiness worth remembering. While they may tell the worst jokes, their love and encouragement make you feel like you can do anything. They offer solace, protection, and guidance as you navigate the world and the unexpected challenges that come up. And now, after his passing, it’s your chance to honor and remember all the quirky little details that made him “dad” by creating a heartfelt tribute for an upstanding man. This comprehensive guide provides answers to common questions and will help you navigate through the process of planning a personalized and meaningful tribute for your one-of-a-kind dad.

Please note: If your dad completed funeral prearrangement plans, contact the funeral home he partnered with to review his preferred funeral wishes. With his preferences in hand, you can work closely with the funeral home to ensure that his life is honored in the way he chose.

Choose a Final Disposition

The first step is to choose which form of final disposition is best. Nowadays, the options for final disposition (your decision on what happens to a loved one’s physical body) continue to expand. Please take a moment to read the articles below to help you decide which option is most appropriate for honoring your dad.

Traditional Burial
Green Burial
Cremation
Natural Organic Reduction

Write a Touching Obituary

Another thing you will do early on in the planning process is write an obituary. You don’t have to be a great writer to beautifully express your love for your dad. Even as you include the expected details, consider how you might add little touches that reflect his unique life.

How to Write a Great Obituary
Writing an Obituary with AI: Dos and Don’ts

Personalize the Funeral Service

No matter what kind of service you put together, the event will be more meaningful if it is personalized. By adding special touches to the service, you can honor your dad’s life meaningfully and specifically. You can read “10 Ideas for Making a Funeral More Personal” or “Helping Your Family Personalize a Funeral” for help with brainstorming ideas.

Also, consider the benefits of including seven tried and true elements that help create a service that is meaningful, healing, and personal. These seven elements are music, readings, viewing/visitation, eulogy, symbols, gathering, and actions. Let’s look at each one in a little more depth.

Music

First of all, music sets the mood for a funeral and brings emotions to the forefront. In fact, one of the purposes of a funeral is to allow mourners to grieve together, and in many ways, music says what words cannot. Don’t be afraid to invite people to express grief. Did your dad have some favorite songs, instruments, or musical artists? Consider using any or all of them in the service.

How to Personalize Music at a Funeral
12 Songs to Honor Dad at a Funeral Service

Readings

Second, readings add another facet to a meaningful funeral. They are another way to invite mourners to express their emotions and bring your dad’s unique spirit to the service. Did he have a favorite book? Poem? Was he a person of faith who would want passages read?

How to Personalize Readings at a Funeral
Top 15 Bible Verses for a Celebration of Life Service

Viewing/Visitation

Third, the viewing or visitation is a time for family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors to gather and express support and sympathy. If you include a viewing, family and friends can see your dad one last time and begin to acknowledge the reality of his death. For many, it’s important to physically see the person who has died, and the viewing offers this opportunity.

How to Personalize the Visitation at a Funeral
3 Reasons to Have a Visitation

Eulogy or Remembrance

Fourth, the eulogy may be the single most important aspect of a funeral service. It is the time set aside to acknowledge and affirm the significance of your dad’s life. As you craft a eulogy, you can share treasured memories, quotes, or even his favorite jokes. The eulogy, sometimes called the “remembrance” or the “homily,” can be delivered by a clergy person, a family member, or even by a series of people.

8 Tips for Crafting a Eulogy
How to Personalize the Eulogy at a Funeral

Symbols

Fifth, symbols offer a focus point for mourners as well as a sense of comfort. Common symbols are a cross (or another appropriate religious symbol), flowers, and candles, but they can be almost anything. Did your dad hunt, fish, play a sport, like board games, or read a lot? You could display his fishing gear or lay out his favorite board game. If he liked reading, you could bring bookshelves to showcase his favorite titles. The possibilities are open. To help you choose symbols that are unique to your dad, consider reading “How to Personalize Symbols at a Funeral.”

Gathering

Sixth, the gathering is an opportunity for friends and family to come together after the funeral service to share stories and support each other. As people gather together, your dad’s life and legacy will be the main topic of conversation. You may even hear stories you’ve never heard before and find comfort in learning something new. To discover more about the gathering and how to personalize it to celebrate your dad’s life, read “How to Personalize the Gathering at a Funeral.”

Actions

And seventh, by inviting others into action at the funeral service, you engage mourners and invite them to put their grief into motion. Simply put, mourning is the outward expression of our inward grief. By including actions at the service, you can honor your dad and help others move toward healing. For example, you could provide a book where mourners can write a note to your dad, or you can ask everyone to wear his favorite sports team’s colors. For more ideas, make sure to read “How to Personalize Healing Actions at a Funeral.”

Opt for a Memorial Service

For some families, a memorial service works better than a traditional service. The main difference is that a memorial service occurs after burial or cremation has already taken place. In other words, the physical body is not present. However, you can still create a personalized final tribute using all of the elements we’ve discussed. Whether the body is present or not, the ultimate goal is to honor your dad’s life and invite his family and friends to pay their respects and say their goodbyes. For more details on creating a personalized memorial service, check out “7 Tips for Planning a Memorial Service.”

Make Decisions on Sympathy Gifts

Sympathy gifts are a way for mourners to express their support and condolences to the family who has lost a loved one. Flowers have historically been a popular sympathy gift. However, in recent years, donations in memoriam to a favorite charity have risen in popularity. Did your dad have a favorite organization or charity that would serve this purpose? If you would like to receive flowers, did your dad have a favorite type?

Decide on a Final Resting Place

Selecting a place of final rest and deciding on a grave marker are important parts of the planning process. Not only do you ensure that your dad’s name is remembered, but you also provide a permanent place where friends and family can go to mourn or to talk when missing your dad hits hardest.

4 Ways Visiting a Loved One’s Grave Can Help You Grieve
5 Reasons to Establish a Permanent Memorial

Explore Burial Benefits for Veterans

If your dad was a veteran of the Armed Forces, he may be eligible for certain burial benefits through the Department of Veterans Affairs. Your funeral director can help you look into these benefits to see if any of them are beneficial to you and your family.

Veterans’ Burial Benefits Checklist
5 Key Veteran Burial Benefits You Should Know

Planning a service for a loved one is hard, but it can also be a meaningful and beautiful experience. As you plan a fitting tribute for your dad, may you find comfort and moments of joy in remembering who he is, what he means to you, and how you can lovingly celebrate his life and lasting legacy.

Jul 10

Love0

Woman in black holding white rose in her hands with memorial table behind her

Planning a Funeral for Mom: A Comprehensive Guide

By christy.kessler Meaningful Funerals, Planning Tools

Moms are special people – irreplaceable and worth remembering. They soothed skinned knees, cooked the best mac and cheese, and made sure you knew you were loved. And now, after her passing, it’s your chance to honor and remember all the wonderful little details that made her “mom” by creating a sweet final tribute for a wonderful woman. This comprehensive guide provides answers to common questions and will help you navigate through the process of planning a personalized and meaningful tribute for your beloved mom.

Please note: If your mom completed funeral prearrangement plans, contact the funeral home she partnered with to review her preferred funeral wishes. With her preferences in hand, you can work closely with the funeral home to ensure that her life is honored in the way she chose.

Choose a Final Disposition

Traditional Burial
Green Burial
Cremation
Natural Organic Reduction

Write a Touching Obituary

Another thing you will do early on in the planning process is write an obituary. You don’t have to be a great writer to beautifully express your love for your mom. Even as you include the expected details, consider how you might add little touches that reflect the individuality of her life.

How to Write a Great Obituary
Writing an Obituary with AI: Dos and Don’ts

Personalize the Funeral Service

No matter what kind of service you put together, the event will be more meaningful if it is personalized. By adding special touches to the service, you can honor your mom’s life uniquely and specifically. You can read “10 Ideas for Making a Funeral More Personal” or “Helping Your Family Personalize a Funeral” for help with brainstorming ideas.

Music

First of all, music sets the mood for a funeral and brings emotions to the forefront. In fact, one of the purposes of a funeral is to allow mourners to grieve together, and in many ways, music says what words cannot. Don’t be afraid to invite people to express grief. Did your mom have some favorite songs, instruments, or musical artists? Consider using any or all of them in the service.

How to Personalize Music at a Funeral
10 Songs to Honor Mom at a Funeral Service

Readings

Second, readings add another facet to a meaningful funeral. They are another way to invite mourners to express their emotions and bring your mom’s unique spirit to the service. Did she have a favorite book? Poem? Was she a person of faith who would want passages read?

How to Personalize Readings at a Funeral
Top 15 Bible Verses for a Celebration of Life Service

Viewing/Visitation

Third, the viewing or visitation is a time for family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors to gather and express support and sympathy. If you include a viewing, family and friends can see your mom one last time and begin to acknowledge the reality of her death. For many, it’s important to physically see the person who has died, and the viewing offers this opportunity.

How to Personalize the Visitation at a Funeral
3 Reasons to Have a Visitation

Eulogy or Remembrance

Fourth, the eulogy may be the single most important aspect of a funeral service. It is the time set aside to acknowledge and affirm the significance of your mom’s life. As you craft a eulogy, you can share treasured memories, quotes, or even her favorite jokes. The eulogy, sometimes called the “remembrance” or the “homily,” can be delivered by a clergy person, a family member, or even by a series of people.

8 Tips for Crafting a Eulogy
How to Personalize the Eulogy at a Funeral

Symbols

Fifth, symbols offer a focus point for mourners as well as a sense of comfort. Common symbols are a cross (or another appropriate religious symbol), flowers, and candles, but they can be almost anything. Did your mom quilt, crochet, paint, or create in any way? You could include her art at the service. If she liked to read, you could display her favorite titles. The possibilities are open. To help you choose symbols that are unique to your mom, consider reading “How to Personalize Symbols at a Funeral.”

Gathering

Sixth, the gathering is an opportunity for friends and family to come together after the funeral service to share stories and support each other. As people gather together, your mom’s life and legacy will be the main topic of conversation. You may even hear stories you’ve never heard before and find comfort in learning something new. To discover more about the gathering and how to personalize it to celebrate your mom’s life, read “How to Personalize the Gathering at a Funeral.”

Actions

And seventh, by including actions at the service, you invite mourners to put their grief into motion. Simply put, mourning is the outward expression of our inward grief. By including actions at the service, you can honor your mom and help others move toward healing. For example, you could provide a book where mourners can write a note to your mom, or you can ask everyone to bring a photo of your mom to place in a photo collage. For more ideas, make sure to read “How to Personalize Healing Actions at a Funeral.”

Opt for a Memorial Service

For some families, a memorial service works better than a traditional service. The main difference is that a memorial service occurs after burial or cremation has already taken place. In other words, the physical body is not present. However, you can still create a personalized final tribute using all of the elements we’ve discussed. Whether the body is present or not, the ultimate goal is to honor your mom’s life and invite her family and friends to pay their respects and say their goodbyes. For more details on creating a personalized memorial service, check out “7 Tips for Planning a Memorial Service.”

Make Decisions on Sympathy Gifts

Sympathy gifts are a way for mourners to express their support and condolences to the family who has lost a loved one. Flowers have historically been a popular sympathy gift. However, in recent years, donations in memoriam to a favorite charity have risen in popularity. Did your mom have a favorite organization or charity that would serve this purpose? If you would like to receive flowers, did your mom have a favorite type?

Decide on a Final Resting Place

Selecting a place of final rest and deciding on a grave marker are important parts of the planning process. Not only do you ensure that your mom’s name is remembered, but you also provide a permanent place where friends and family can go to mourn or to talk when missing your mom hits hardest.

4 Ways Visiting a Loved One’s Grave Can Help You Grieve
5 Reasons to Establish a Permanent Memorial

Explore Burial Benefits for Veterans

If your mom was a veteran of the Armed Forces, she may be eligible for certain burial benefits through the Department of Veterans Affairs. Your funeral director can help you look into these benefits to see if any of them are beneficial to you and your family.

Veterans’ Burial Benefits Checklist
5 Key Veteran Burial Benefits You Should Know

Planning a service for a loved one is hard, but it can also be a meaningful and beautiful experience. As you plan a fitting tribute for your precious mom, may you find comfort and moments of joy in remembering who she is, what she means to you, and how you can lovingly celebrate her life and lasting legacy.

Jun 29

Love0

Heart stone that says "In Loving Memory" surrounded by bright pink flowers

5 Reasons to Establish a Permanent Memorial

By christy.kessler Cemeteries, Explore Options, Memorial, Planning Tools

When you lose someone you love, your feeling of connection to them continues, even though they are no longer with you physically. This connection contributes to your feelings of loss and makes it so difficult to process death and move toward healing and reconciliation. In some ways, you may feel both connected and disconnected to your loved one at the same time. But did you know that a permanent memorial can help?

Heart stone that says "In Loving Memory" surrounded by bright pink flowers

With cremation, it’s especially important to consider a permanent memorial. Some people choose to keep a loved one’s ashes at home, and for a time, that’s perfectly alright. But it’s not a long-term solution.

So, let’s discuss 5 reasons why you should consider establishing a permanent memorial for a loved one and how it can help you on the grief journey.

1. Permanent memorials provide a place for people to mourn.

When you create a permanent memorial, you provide a public place where anyone can go to mourn. If you choose cremation and one person keeps the cremated remains in their home, it may be difficult for other family members to access the ashes when they want to simply say hello or share a piece of news.

With a permanent memorial in place, everyone has access without feeling the need to inconvenience anyone else. You could choose a traditional grave, a cremation niche, placement in a mausoleum, or whatever else makes sense for your family.

Whether you want to visit your loved one on their birthday or every Sunday like clockwork, you can. The permanent memorial is public and available at any time. Because everyone grieves in different ways and at different rates, a specific place is beneficial for individual grief journeys.

2. Permanent memorials give all mourners (not just family) access to pay their respects.

Over their lifetime, many people came to know and care about your loved one. Because grief touches more than family members, a permanent memorial also provides an established location for non-family members to mourn.

For example, if your loved one’s best friend wants to connect with them, to talk with them, they may have no place to go where they feel as strong a connection as a permanent memorial would provide. As human beings, we all need time to remember and to honor the life of someone loved. A permanent memorial gives everyone access to say their goodbyes in their own time and in their own way.

3. Permanent memorials create a permanent place that will exist for generations to come.

Cemeteries, mausoleums, and cremation gardens will exist for many years to come. In fact, the oldest maintained cemetery in the United States is in Massachusetts, and it dates back to 1656! Some of its residents were voyagers on the Mayflower.

In recent years, more and more people have shown great interest in their ancestry, and because of this curiosity, cemeteries receive visitors consistently. Even centuries after a person dies, the cemetery provides a permanent place for families to reconnect with their ancestors and find an identity they hadn’t known existed.

4. Permanent memorials are practical for the family.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected author, speaker, and grief expert, tells us that establishing a permanent memorial is a practical choice for the family. “Families can rest easy knowing that the cremated remains [of their loved one] are being taken care of in perpetuity. …Having to pass along urns to the next generation or amassing more and more urns on a shelf…is not a viable long-term solution.”

And unfortunately, there’s evidence that cremated remains are at some risk if they are kept at home permanently. The ashes may be misplaced, accidentally knocked over and spilled, or even found in the trash or unknowingly donated to thrift stores. By opting for a permanent memorial and final resting place, you ensure that your loved one is in a place of honor and respect in perpetuity.

5. Permanent memorials ensure respect for the dead.

Keeping the cremated remains of a loved one at home can be an important part of the healing process. It all depends on what the mourner needs. But, out of respect for the person who has died, to ensure that nothing unfortunate happens to them when you are gone, it’s best to consider how you can permanently memorialize them.

Dr. Wolfelt puts it this way, “It’s about respect for the dying and the dead. Permanent memorialization is one of the most important ways in which we as a culture can ensure that respect [is carried out] ….”

While it’s perfectly fine to wait to set up a permanent memorial, consider the benefits of giving your loved one a place of final rest. It may be three, five, or even ten years down the road. That’s fine! But don’t forget – you won’t always be around, and your loved one’s ashes need to be cared for long after you’re gone. By establishing a permanent memorial, you can honor a loved one’s life, respect their physical remains, and ensure that everyone – family members and friends alike – has the opportunity to grieve and heal.

Additional Resources

Permanent Placement Options for Cremated Remains

Urn Burial: Understanding the Basics

What Should I Know When Considering Cremation?

May 26

Love0

Funeral Celebrants: How Can They Help Your Family?

By christy.kessler Educational, Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Planning Tools

When you’re planning a final tribute for a loved one, you don’t want the last words spoken over them to be hollow, empty, or insincere. Instead, the words should be real, kind, true, and an accurate reflection of who they were as a person. A funeral celebrant can help you create a beautiful send-off that feels personal, meaningful, and genuine.

But what is a funeral celebrant, and how can they help? Let’s talk about it.

What is a Funeral Celebrant?

A funeral celebrant leads and officiates a funeral or memorial service, religious or non-religious, helping create a personalized and meaningful ceremony for the person who has died. In the United States, a funeral celebrant is often not a member of the clergy, but they can be.

Their main role is to tell a story – the story of your loved one’s life. The service is about remembrance and celebration, heartache and joy. The celebrant will work closely with you to tailor the services to meet your needs and wishes, honoring your loved one’s life and personality.

They are skilled public speakers who adapt and adjust to your family’s requests. Whether it’s a solemn occasion requiring decorum and poise or a joyous celebration calling for an inspirational and cheerful tone, a funeral celebrant can strike the right balance.

A celebrant can be particularly helpful for families who are non-religious. For those who regularly attend a place of worship, a clergy member is often available to officiate the service (if you wish), but for those who are non-religious, a funeral celebrant can fill the role.

How Can a Funeral Celebrant Help You?

While the funeral director coordinates all the service details, they don’t prepare the actual program for the event or officiate. The order of events and what’s included in the service are up to the family. This is where the celebrant can step in and become a huge help.

Here are several ways that the funeral celebrant can help you before, during, and after a loved one’s service:

Learn about your loved one so they can prepare personalized remarks
Help to plan the order of service, if you wish
Suggest and coordinate readings, music, poems, or hymns
Write and deliver a personalized eulogy (based on stories you shared)
Keep you informed, so you never feel left out or overwhelmed
Ensure that the program moves smoothly from one speaker to the next
Provide logistical and emotional support throughout the planning process
Keep the event on track while staying sensitive and adapting as needed
Provide feedback to family or friends who’d like to speak at the funeral
Coordinate with the funeral home staff and other service providers as needed
Lead the ceremony with warmth, sensitivity, and kindness
Conduct the graveside service, if you wish

Planning and hosting a funeral may feel overwhelming when you’re processing and grieving a loss. The celebrant can step in and act as both storyteller and organizer, ensuring that your wishes for the service come to pass with attention to detail and authenticity.

What Should I Expect When Meeting with a Celebrant?

Once you’ve decided to use a celebrant, they will contact you for a chat, either in person or via video or phone call. If you wish to meet in person, they can come to your home or you can meet at an agreed-upon location.

When you meet the celebrant, they should put you at ease right away. They will ask questions about your loved one’s life, values, and personality because they want to understand who they were. By listening to your stories and memories, the celebrant can craft their words and presentation to reflect your loved one’s life.

If you wish, the celebrant can also discuss options for the funeral service and offer suggestions to help you personalize the service even more. Throughout it all, they will provide emotional and logistical support as you make choices that are best for your family and honor your loved one’s life.

What Questions Should I Ask the Funeral Celebrant?

While the celebrant will ask you many questions during your time together, you can also ask questions to get to know the celebrant and learn more how they work. It’s important that you work well together, and a few questions can help you determine whether your personalities and practices are compatible.

Here are a few questions you might consider asking:

How long have you been practicing as a funeral celebrant?
What is your training and experience?
Can you provide testimonials or references?
What process do you follow on the day of the funeral?
What do you do when something goes wrong at the funeral?
Do you have any specific ideas or themes in mind for the funeral service?
How will you help us create a service that reflects the personality of our loved one?
How much do you charge for your services?
Are you comfortable working with both religious and non-religious families?
Do you have experience working with families from different cultures or religions?

What’s the Difference Between a Celebrant and a Funeral Director?

While the roles overlap in some duties, they are distinct and separate.

Celebrant

A celebrant serves as a storyteller, guide, writer, speaker, and master of ceremonies. They conduct religious or non-religious services, depending on the religion’s requirements. Their main role is to lead and direct any final services and ensure everything runs smoothly while you honor and remember a loved one. They do not assist with anything related to the burial or cremation (unless they are also a trained funeral director).

Funeral Director

A funeral director is trained to support grieving families by coordinating every aspect of burial or cremation, including preparation of the body, working with the cemetery, securing permits, and filing for a death certificate. They also assist with third-party services (such as florists) and with planning final services like coordinating the viewing, funeral or memorial service, or graveside service. They do not lead or conduct the final tribute or any other remembrance events.

Do I Need a Funeral Celebrant?

You do not specifically need a celebrant, but you DO need someone to lead the service. You may ask a friend, family member, or clergy person to officiate. Celebrants are simply another option. They can be especially helpful if you don’t have a clergy person in mind or if family and friends don’t feel up to leading the service. No matter who you choose – clergy, family, friend, celebrant – always select the person who best fits your family’s needs and can meaningfully honor your loved one’s life.

How Much Do Celebrants Cost?

Celebrant fees vary, but compensation or an honorarium is expected. Ask the funeral home for a recommendation or rely on the funeral director to engage a celebrant’s services on your behalf. Once a celebrant is selected, discuss fee expectations. If the celebrant is familiar to the funeral home, the funeral director can share the celebrant’s typical rates.

Hopefully, you now have a better and deeper understanding of the funeral celebrant and the value their services can bring to you and your family. If you have more questions about celebrants or would like to meet with one locally, contact your trusted funeral home. They can point you in the right direction and help you find a celebrant who will help you honor your loved one’s life in a way that feels right and good.

Apr 21

Love0

Officiant reading from book at graveside service

10 Funeral Costs That Are Often Overlooked

By christy.kessler Educational, Plan Ahead, Planning Tools

Every funeral is different, which means the cost can vary widely. While funeral homes provide clear pricing for their services through the General Price List, funerals often require additional services that can only be supplied by a third party. Because these items are provided by an outside entity, the pricing isn’t up to the funeral home. However, the funeral home staff know what to do and can ensure these services aren’t overlooked!

Today, let’s talk about 9 third-party funeral costs that are often overlooked but can be essential to creating a meaningful final tribute for a loved one.

1. Cemetery and Monument Charges

Whether you choose burial or cremation, you will likely need to consider cemetery costs in your plans. Cemetery charges would include the cost of a burial plot or a niche in a columbarium or mausoleum, plus any fees associated with opening and closing the grave.

Also, consider the cost of a grave marker or monument, along with a monument installation fee. Cemetery proprietors and monument companies determine these fees because many funeral homes do not own a cemetery or monument company themselves.

If you don’t already have a plan in place for cemetery needs, your funeral director can provide a recommendation or discuss your local cemetery options.

2. Death Certificates

Most people don’t realize how many death certificates they will need. As a rule of thumb, purchase multiple copies – more than you think you will need. Copies of a death certificate are typically requested as proof of death for life insurance policies, social security or veterans’ benefits, stocks, bonds, and banks, to name a few.

The state or municipality determine the cost of a death certificate, and that amount can change over time. While death certificates are typically inexpensive, you can make the process a bit easier by relying on the funeral home to complete all the paperwork and request certificates on your behalf. Just let your funeral director know how many you want.

3. Obituary/Death Notice

Many people are surprised at the cost associated with publishing an obituary or death notice in a newspaper, especially in a larger city. In most cases, the funeral home will publish an obituary to the funeral home’s website at no cost, but if you wish to post it elsewhere, the fee may be higher than you expect. If there’s a particular place you’d like to publish the obituary, let your director know so you can discuss any fees or requirements.

4. Church or Venue Charges

If you choose to have a funeral or memorial service outside the funeral home’s facility, the venue you choose may charge a fee to use the space. Your funeral director will help you coordinate and discuss any rental fees for the location you’ve selected. Choosing a special location can add a beautiful touch to the ceremony and may be just the right way to honor your loved one’s life.

5. Flowers

Depending on the time of year, the cost of flowers will fluctuate. Unfortunately, this makes it hard to pin down the actual cost. While most funeral homes don’t have their own florists, they do have positive working relationships with local businesses. If you’d like, the funeral home can purchase floral arrangements on your behalf. You can work with your funeral director to set a budget and discuss which types of flowers you prefer.

6. Live Music

Music is a very personal and touching way to create a one-of-a-kind tribute. If you elect to have live music, it is likely that an honorarium (monetary token of appreciation) will be necessary. Most of the time, the musician or group you choose to hire will determine the honorarium amount. If you don’t already have a musician in mind, you can ask your funeral director for recommendations.

7. Officiant Honorarium

It’s common practice to have an officiant at the funeral, who will act as host for the service and ensure that events move along smoothly. It is customary to offer this person an honorarium for their time and effort.

In many cases, the officiant will be a clergy person or a celebrant. A celebrant is a non-clergy person who has trained to eulogize and coordinate funeral services. However, anyone can do it. If you have a friend who is willing to officiate for free, you can do that.

No matter whom you choose, discuss that person’s fee expectations before you hire them.

8. Pallbearers

In many cases, pallbearers are family members and friends. However, for some, it is difficult to identify six to eight pallbearers. If you require assistance, the funeral home can help by hiring the extra hands needed. This service will come with a small fee for each hired pallbearer, which your funeral director will discuss with you before anyone is employed.

9. Police Escort

In many states, it is common practice to request a police escort for the funeral procession to the final resting place. With an escort, the funeral procession can move through traffic in an orderly way and without traffic delays. The cost for this service is determined by the local police department, and your funeral director is likely to already know the cost (if any).

Urn sitting on table with red rose floral arrangement

10. Catering

And finally, if you choose to have a reception following the service, don’t forget to count the cost of catering. Whether you decide to serve refreshments or a full meal, pricing will be subject to whatever catering service or restaurant you select. You can, of course, make any food yourself (or go potluck style), but catering can make a stressful time a bit easier. If you aren’t sure how to proceed with catering, your funeral director can help you get everything ordered and set up.

While not all-inclusive, you now have a better understanding of these 9 often overlooked funeral costs. Thankfully, you have an advocate and a guide in your trusted funeral director. They can help you navigate through the funeral planning process from beginning to end.

Whether you are planning ahead for your own funeral wishes or creating a meaningful final tribute for a loved one, your funeral director will sit down with you to discuss all the options, ensuring that nothing is forgotten or left unconsidered.

Mar 10

Love0

11 Meaningful Ways to Honor Your Loved One’s Ashes

By christy.kessler Cremation, Memorial, Plan Ahead, Planning Tools

Have you considered how to honor a loved one’s ashes after their passing? In today’s world, there are so many options available, and you’re sure to find one that perfectly matches your loved one’s preferences and personality. To help you get started with choosing the best option, let’s discuss 11 meaningful ways that you can honor a loved one’s cremated remains. With the information gained, you can thoughtfully decide what’s best for your family’s specific needs.

1. Burial

Did you know that you can bury an urn? Just like a casket, you can hold a graveside service and bury an urn in a cemetery of your choosing. Additionally, many cemeteries allow you to bury an urn alongside a casket, in case two loved ones had differing burial preferences. If you wish, you can also look for a cemetery with an urn garden, where there’s a dedicated and landscaped area for urn fountains and benches.

2. Columbarium

An above-ground structure, the columbarium exclusively houses cremated remains. The columbarium is filled with niches (wall spaces) where urns are placed and interred. A bronze plaque with an epitaph will be placed on the exterior of the niche to mark a loved one’s final resting place. This is perhaps the most familiar option for cremation, aside from scattering.

3. Scattering

Scattering is the act of taking a loved one’s ashes to meaningful places and scattering them. This could be by the ocean, in the mountains, at a special place, or near home. Alternatively, you could opt for a scattering garden, which is a designated space often attached to a cemetery. Regardless of where you choose to scatter your loved one’s ashes, always review local laws and regulations first.

4. Keep the Ashes at Home

More people are starting to keep the cremated remains of a loved one at home. This option is definitely viable, but make sure you indicate in your will what to do with the ashes after your passing. Whoever handles your estate may not know about your loved one’s urn and could dispose of it unknowingly. So, if you do keep a loved one’s ashes in your home, make sure you communicate a plan for their care after you are gone.

5. Memorial Jewelry

Another popular option is to place a small amount of a loved one’s ashes in memorial jewelry. The jewelry design often includes a small interior space (like a locket) where the ashes are placed. You can choose from various styles, metals, and types (e.g. necklaces, rings, pendants, etc.). Selecting this option allows you to take a small part of your loved one with you, no matter where you go.

6. Under the Sea

For a loved one who adored the ocean, there are now options available at sea. For example, you can place an urn in an underwater mausoleum. Or you can create an artificial coral reef with a loved one’s ashes that will assist in the repair and conservation of natural coral reefs. As a memorial to your loved one, consider affixing a plaque to the artificial reef. Also, in many cases, it’s possible to be present as the reef is placed in the ocean.

7. Plant the Ashes

With the proper treatment, it is now possible to plant a memorial tree with a loved one’s ashes. With this option, you will place a special, biodegradable urn in the ground. The top section of the urn contains seeds and soil, while the bottom holds the treated ashes (making them safe for plants). Once the roots grow deep enough, they will mingle with the ashes. Speak with a trusted funeral director to learn more about this option.

8. Launch into Space

Interestingly enough, you can send a person’s ashes into space. If your loved one adored space and all its mysteries or was always looking for the next big adventure, you might consider this option. Of course, there will be regulations and stipulations to follow, but it is an option available to you.

9. Stained Glass or Hand-Blown Glass Keepsakes

Another possibility is to have the ashes of a loved one infused with glass to create beautiful pendants, paperweights, orbs, hourglasses, and other glassware. During the creation process, layers of hot glass encase the ashes. The process fuses the two (glass and ashes) together permanently. As with memorial jewelry, this option requires only a small portion of the ashes.

10. Press into a Diamond

A growing trend is to forge a loved one’s ashes into diamonds, which are made of crystallized carbon. This is possible because the second most abundant element in the human body is carbon. After the diamond-making process is complete, the family can design memorial jewelry or other items of significance to remember someone loved.

11. Memorial Stones

With memorial stones, the cremated remains are compressed into a collection of 40-80+ stones. Each stone possesses its own unique color, texture, and shape. To create the stones, the ashes are mixed with a clay-like material, shaped into stones, and then fired in a kiln. The finished stones can be placed in a garden, given to individual family members, taken to mountain peaks, or whatever else would be meaningful for your family.

As you can see, there are many ways to honor the cremated body of someone dearly loved. The most important thing is to determine which will be the most meaningful for you and your family. And keep in mind that these are only some of the options. There may be something else out there just right for you!

Dec 31

Love0

Root system of moss-covered tree in a forest

An FAQ Guide to Natural Organic Reduction

By christy.kessler Educational, Explore Options, Planning Tools

Have you ever heard of natural organic reduction? If you haven’t, don’t worry! Today, we’re going to discuss some frequently asked questions about this new service option, so that you can be informed when making end-of-life decisions. Let’s get started!

What is natural organic reduction?

Natural organic reduction is the process of transforming human remains into nutrient-rich soil through controlled natural decomposition. Washington State was the first to legalize natural organic reduction, and other states have followed suit since then. Both gentle and sustainable, natural organic reduction is considered a “green” funeral option and has become an eco-friendly alternative to classic burial and cremation.

Does natural organic reduction go by any other names?

Yes, you may come across several names as you research this service option. In addition to natural organic reduction, you may find it called human composting, soil transformation, recomposting, recomposition, and terramation.

How does the natural organic reduction process work?

Typically, the process occurs in phases and can take 8 to 12 weeks to complete. The body is laid in a specially designed vessel and surrounded by wood chips, alfalfa, and straw. Over the next several weeks, microbes created by these natural materials will accelerate the decomposition process and break down the body, resulting in nutrient-dense soil. There will then be a curing period of three to five weeks before the soil is returned to the family.

Is natural organic reduction more eco-friendly than other traditional options?

Research has found that natural organic reduction uses 87% less energy than traditional burial or cremation. Additionally, the soil created through the natural organic reduction process can nurture the ecosystem by filtering water, providing nutrients for plants, and releasing carbon in a way that is less harmful to the environment.

Can I have a funeral service with natural organic reduction?

Yes, you can have a service! There are several options, and the funeral home staff can review them with you. Most commonly, you can:

Have a service before the natural organic reduction process has begun,
Have a memorial service (no body present) at any time, or
Wait until the soil has been returned to you and host a scattering/tree planting service, memorial service, or whatever kind of gathering you prefer.

No matter what you choose, personalizing the final tribute is a meaningful way to celebrate and honor the essence of your loved one’s life and legacy.

Is there anyone who isn’t eligible for natural organic reduction?

Body size and weight do not matter, but there are a few things that will disqualify a person from being eligible for natural organic reduction.

The natural organic reduction process destroys most harmful pathogens. However, there are three rare diseases that disqualify a body: Ebola, prion diseases such as Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease, and active tuberculosis.
For patients who have received radiation seed implants, the seeds must be removed, and 30 days must pass before they are eligible for natural organic reduction.
Embalming disqualifies a body for natural organic reduction, so any bodies donated to science are ineligible. However, you can be an organ donor and still choose natural organic reduction.

What happens to bones, teeth, and implants during the process?

Bones and teeth: Because of their mineral composition, bones and teeth do not fully break down during the natural organic reduction process. However, once the soil is ready, the bones and teeth are removed and then ground into a fine powder. The bone powder (ashes) is then added back to soil and will further enrich its nutrient-density.

Implants, artificial limbs, and tooth fillings: Once the process is complete, the soil is screened for non-organics like implants, artificial limbs, and tooth fillings. When possible, these items are recycled.

Pacemakers: If a pacemaker is present, it will be removed before the natural organic reduction process begins.

How much soil does that natural organic reduction process create?

The amount of soil created really depends on the size of the person and how much plant material (wood chips, alfalfa, straw) was used during the natural organic reduction process. After choosing a service provider, you can ask how much soil their specific process creates.

What can you do with soil created by natural organic reduction?

Once the soil is returned to your family, you can use it to create a garden, plant a memorial tree, scatter it in a natural environment, or whatever else you’d prefer. You can place the soil on private property with permission from the owner. However, with public spaces or conservation areas, check local guidelines and ordinances first.

Alternatively, many service providers also partner with at least one non-profit land conservation organization. Rather than take the soil home, you can donate it to a land conservation project, and it will be used to restore forests and revitalize protected areas.

Can the soil be shipped?

Yes, shipping to most locations in the United States is available. However, due to the variety of regulations involved, international shipping is generally not available. To get specific information, speak with your chosen funeral home about shipping costs and regulations.

Can I have a grave marker if I choose natural organic reduction?

Typically, families choose to scatter or bury the soil, use it in gardening, or donate it to a conservation partner to help nourish the land. If you wish to commission a grave marker, you certainly can. However, keep in mind that there likely won’t be a traditional gravesite where you can place a grave marker. You will need to be creative with your placement or opt for a plaque or memorial stone instead.

How does the cost of natural organic reduction compare to other funeral options?

Pricing generally depends on the provider you use and the state you live in. However, many providers are actively keeping the cost comparable to burial and cremation.

Where is natural organic reduction legal?

As of February 2026, natural organic reduction is legal in 14 states: Arizona, California, Colorado, Delaware, Georgia, Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, Nevada, New Jersey, New York, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington. More states are likely to approve this final disposition option in the years to come, so speak with a trusted funeral professional if your state is not listed.

Can you preplan with natural organic reduction?

Absolutely! The only difference is that you should look for a funeral home that offers natural organic reduction as part of their service offerings. If you do that, then the funeral planning process will be seamless for you and your family.

Hopefully, you now feel more informed about natural organic reduction! If you’d like more information, reach out to a trusted local funeral home. Even if they don’t offer natural organic reduction themselves, they can point you in the right direction.

Dec 30

Love0

Casket spray of white lilies resting on top of wooden casket

7 Elements of a Healing and Meaningful Funeral

By christy.kessler Meaningful Funerals, Planning Tools

“People who take the time and make the effort to create meaningful funeral arrangements when someone loved dies often end up making new arrangements in their own lives. They remember and reconnect with what is most meaningful to them in life…strengthen bonds with family members and friends. They emerge changed, more authentic and purposeful. The best funerals remind us how we should live.” – Dr. Alan Wolfelt

Casket spray of white lilies resting on top of wooden casket

In order for a funeral service to be a healing and meaningful experience, there are 7 tried and true elements that you should consider incorporating. Dr. Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and educator, tells us that these 7 elements are necessary to facilitate the 6 needs that a funeral fulfills:

Acknowledging the reality of the death
Embracing the pain of the loss
Remembering the person who died
Developing a new self-identity
Searching for meaning
Receiving ongoing support from others

And what are the 7 elements? They are music, readings, a viewing/visitation or reception, a eulogy, symbols, a gathering, and actions. If you are planning a funeral, whether because someone you love has died or you are making advance funeral plans, give thoughtful consideration to how you can implement these healing and meaningful elements. Let’s look at each one in a little more detail!

1. Music

Music sets the tone of a funeral and brings emotions to the forefront. In fact, one of the purposes of a funeral is to allow mourners to grieve together, and in many ways, music says what words cannot. So, don’t be afraid to invite people to express grief. Select music that will remind mourners of the person who has died and allow everyone to pay tribute to that special person’s life and legacy in a meaningful way.

Why Include Special Music in a Funeral Ceremony?

How to Personalize Music at a Funeral

Setting the Tone for a Service: A Collection of Funeral Songs

2. Readings

Readings add another facet to a meaningful service. They are another way to not only invite mourners to express their emotions, but readings can also highlight the unique spirit of the one who has died. Did they have a favorite book? Poem? Were they a person of faith who would want passages read? Use these preferences to create a one-of-a-kind tribute.

How do Readings Enhance the Funeral Experience?

How to Personalize Readings at a Funeral

10 Literary Readings for Any Type of Funeral

Top 10 Poems for a Funeral Ceremony

3. Viewing, Visitation, and/or Reception

The viewing, visitation, or reception is a time for family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors to gather and express support and sympathy. If it is decided to have a viewing with the loved one’s body present, it provides an opportunity for mourners to see that special person one more time. No matter which type of event you choose to incorporate, you can personalize the space to tell your loved one’s story through pictures, cherished items, and more.

Viewing vs. Visitation: What’s the Difference?

How to Personalize the Visitation at a Funeral

3 Reasons to Have a Visitation

4. Eulogy

The eulogy may be the single most important aspect of a funeral service. It is the time to acknowledge and affirm the significance of the life lived. It is the moment when friends and family tell the story of a person’s life and reflect on what they love and will miss. With that in mind, share treasured memories, quotes, or even the lost loved one’s favorite jokes. The eulogy, sometimes called the “remembrance” or the “homily,” can be delivered by a clergy person, a family member, or even by a series of people.

8 Tips for Crafting a Eulogy

11 Mistakes to Avoid When Writing a Eulogy

5 Public Speaking Tips for Delivering a Eulogy

5. Symbols

Symbols offer a focus point for the bereaved as well as a sense of comfort. A few common examples are religious symbols (like a cross or Star of David), funeral flowers, and lit candles. In addition to these examples, you could also choose a symbol that is unique to the person who has died. If they were a sports fan, drape their favorite jersey over the casket or urn. For a quilter, you can display quilts, or for a veteran, you can use the American flag. Simply choose symbols that make sense for your loved one’s unique life.

The Importance of Symbols

How to Personalize Symbols at a Funeral

6. Gathering

The gathering is an opportunity for friends and family to come together after the funeral service to share stories and to support each other. During the grief journey, it’s essential to talk about your grief and share the stories on your heart. By including a gathering, you give mourners dedicated time and space to do so. The gathering can be as simple or elaborate as you wish. It’s simply about taking time to talk and to honor the life of the person you all love.

What is the Purpose of a Gathering?

How to Personalize the Gathering at a Funeral

7. Actions

And finally, actions invite mourners to put their grief into motion. What does that mean? In order to facilitate the healing process, it’s important to channel grief into healing actions. At the funeral, this could mean inviting guests to light a candle, take part in the eulogy, or lay a flower on the casket. It could also mean acting as a pallbearer, bringing a potluck dish for the reception, or sitting quietly with the casket to say final goodbyes.

How Do Actions Help Us Heal?

How to Personalize Healing Actions at a Funeral

5 Meaningful Actions to Personalize a Funeral

As you plan a loved one’s final farewell, consider using these 7 elements to create a personalized tribute. By incorporating each one, you will create a sweet, meaningful, and healing experience. Those who come to mourn will leave feeling like they have truly honored the life lived and taken the first healthy step on their grief journey.

Dec 29

Love1

Man and woman greeting each other with a handshake in a professional setting

What to Expect at a Funeral Arrangement Conference

By christy.kessler Plan Ahead, Planning Tools

None of us are ever truly prepared to lose someone we love. Whether the loss comes suddenly or has been long expected, numbness and shock are common in the first two days, which is usually when the funeral arrangements are made. To help ease the burden you may feel so soon after a loss, it’s helpful to know what to expect when you head into an arrangement conference. Preparing ahead of time will help ease your mind and prepare your thoughts.

What is an Arrangement Conference?

An arrangement conference is a time specifically set aside to meet with a funeral director and discuss final disposition and the details of a meaningful tribute. Additionally, it’s an opportunity for the funeral director to get to know you better and learn how to best honor your loved one.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected grief author and counselor, says that the funeral ritual is incredibly important for our individual grief journeys. He says, “Rich in history and rife with symbolism, the funeral ceremony helps us acknowledge the reality of the death, gives testimony to the life of the deceased, encourages the expression of grief in a way consistent with the culture’s values, provides support to mourners, allows for the embracing of faith and beliefs about life and death, and offers continuity and hope for the living.”

With this goal in mind, the arrangement conference gives you and the funeral director time to create a meaningful and healing funeral service. Most arrangement conferences take place in the funeral home, but if you are traveling from a long distance or can’t make it to the funeral home in person, you may also be able to work with your funeral director over the phone and via text, email, or other digital options.

What are the Main Objectives?

There are three main objectives for your time with the funeral director during the arrangement conference.

Gather the vital information of the person who died (full name, SSN, birthdate, etc.), which the funeral director will then use on your behalf to request death certificates and file for veterans’ burial benefits (if applicable) and life insurance claims.
Make your wishes known about how you want to remember and honor your lost loved one.
Select the most fitting funeral, cremation, and burial options.

Typically, the conference takes 2-3 hours on the day of or the day after a death. The funeral director will guide you through the available funeral service and memorial options, music selections, coordination with a church and cemetery (or other desired location for the service), and much more.

What Questions Should You Consider in Advance?

The funeral director is your partner and your guide throughout the funeral planning process. They have the experience and the knowledge needed to help you make informed decisions. Even though you will get thorough explanations from the funeral director, it’s a good idea to come to the arrangement conference having considered a few key questions:

Where and when should the services be held?
Do you want to publish an obituary? If you do, who will write it? Where will you publish it?
In lieu of flowers, do you want to offer charitable contributions as an option for sympathy gifts?
Have you chosen a cemetery or other final resting place?
Do you need assistance with selecting a monument or grave marker?
What kind of funeral service is most appropriate? Simple? Elaborate? Public? Private? Religious?
What would you consider to be the best way to honor and memorialize your lost loved one?
Should there be a viewing, visitation, funeral service, or committal service?
If there is a service, who will participate? Musicians, speakers, pallbearers?
Do you want floral arrangements present, and if so, what kind?
Will the final disposition be burial, cremation, or another type of interment?
Will the body be present at the funeral or memorial service?
If applicable, open or closed casket?
Do you know someone who will act as officiant, or will you need the funeral home’s assistance in finding one?

What Should You Bring?

The more information you bring, the smoother the meeting will be (and the less documentation you will need to bring back later). To help you prepare, print and review this Funeral Arrangement Conference Checklist. The list is fairly comprehensive and gives you an excellent place to start. However, please note that the funeral home may ask you for something not included.

Additionally, the funeral home might also reach out to you before the arrangement conference to start planning digitally. Completing some information ahead of time means that the focus of the in-person meeting can be about planning a meaningful, personalized service for your loved one.

Some Final Tips

First of all, prepare as much as you can ahead of time. You can gather necessary documents, clothing and personal items, details for the obituary, and photos to be used in the service ahead of time.

Secondly, don’t feel rushed during the conference. Remember, the funeral director is there to help you with all your needs and is ready to serve you fully.

Thirdly, ask as many questions as you need. As you plan a tribute for your loved one, the funeral director is there to be a knowledgeable and available partner in a difficult situation. Make use of their experience and ask as many questions as you want.

Finally, take notes. You will receive a lot of information during the arrangement conference, and it’s unlikely you will be able to remember it all. Take a notepad (or a friend) with you and make sure to write things down.

Hopefully, you now feel a little more prepared for an arrangement conference and can go into the meeting with confidence!

One Last Thought

After planning a funeral for a loved one, you know how hard it can be. Instead, here’s a pro tip: If you’d like to make the planning process easier for your own family in the future, consider the benefits of preplanning. With a prearranged funeral plan already in place, your family won’t have to answer dozens of questions while under a cloud of stress and grief. Instead, with your wishes in hand, the arrangement conference will go very smoothly. Often, the only question left to answer is the date and time for the service to be held!

To learn more about funeral preplanning, check out these resources:

Dec 09

Love0

Tiles with happy and sad faces printed on them resting on a table with a person's hand splitting them apart

Funerals and Family Discord: What Can You Do?

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss, Planning Tools

Funerals can be difficult. Emotions tend to live closer to the surface. Then, add the struggles and intricacies associated with relationships to the emotional pot. Dealing with family discord or difficult people at an already challenging time is taxing. If you’ve lost someone you love, you are already feeling a wide range of emotions, and you may not feel you have energy left to deal with difficult people or situations.

Family discord or interactions with difficult people can happen at any stage of the funeral process. It may be that you and a sibling disagree on the best way to honor your parent’s life. Or perhaps someone you have intentionally avoided will be coming to the funeral service. No matter the details of your particular situation, you may feel your stress levels rising when you think about the funeral. If this resonates with you, take a moment to review some thoughts on how to navigate these tricky moments.

1. Be aware of your emotions

Our emotions are a gift, but they are also our responsibility. They tell us how we feel, but they do not always reflect the truth about a situation. We need to examine whether our feelings are based on faulty assumptions or real facts.

As you deal with family discord or difficult people, try to be mindful of your emotions and what they are telling you. But more importantly, ask yourself, “Are my emotions a reflection of reality or a result of my potentially faulty conclusions?” In other words, are you thinking clearly or through an emotionally-blurred lens? It’s important to answer these questions before taking the offensive against family members during a very emotional time.

Remember – you control your emotions; they do not control you.

2. Find ways to compromise

Compromise is a highly successful way to navigate discord, so be on the lookout for areas where you can give and take. In some cases, family members may disagree about funeral arrangements for a lost loved one. Some may prefer cremation while others may prefer burial. And if cremation is chosen, what happens to the ashes? Who decides?

These types of family disagreements are one reason why it’s so important to plan ahead for funeral arrangements. If a loved one provides an outline of their wishes, survivors don’t have to stress over what to do. They can have confidence in what their lost loved one wanted. But in the absence of a plan, find ways to compromise so that everyone gets a little of what they want.

And if you’re attending a funeral where you will see a certain family member you’ve been avoiding, remember what the service is all about. It’s about honoring and saying goodbye to the person who has died. Whether or not there is a possibility to repair the strained relationship with the living person, try to set aside your differences until after services are complete.

3. Choose your words thoughtfully

It’s always good practice to weigh your words in every situation, especially during a time of loss. Those who speak out of anger or pain are usually in a reactive state and may say something hurtful that they later regret. If tension is rising with family members, words spoken in anger will only make things worse.

Instead, work to stand up for yourself and express your opinion without attacking the position of others. Try to really listen to what others are saying and see things from their perspective before responding. Start your statements with “I feel” or “I think” rather than “You always do this” or “You make me so mad!” Using “I” instead of “You” statements will help you take responsibility for your emotions without accusing others and putting them on the defensive, which could escalate an already tense situation.

4. Discover what helps you cope with stress

Next, take time to understand your own needs.

We should always try to learn more about our own motivations and those of other people, seeking to understand why we and others act or react in certain ways. What calms you down? What is your outlet or release? For some, it’s painting or writing, working out, being alone for a while, or spending time with specific people who bring life and comfort.

As you approach a situation that may be difficult, do what you need to do beforehand to bring your stress levels down. Think about appropriate ways to express your grief, your anger, your frustration, or whatever feeling is rising up in you. Don’t bottle it up; channel it appropriately. If you do feel the need to express your emotions vocally, go to a room by yourself (or with a safe person) and scream or cry if you need to.

5. Try to take the higher road

When dealing with a difficult person, the last thing you may want is to be “nice.” If you and a sibling are arguing over a parent’s final wishes for the funeral service, you are likely more irritated than kindhearted at the moment. But that’s why it’s so important to look for a way to be kind.

As you seek ways to be gracious to those who are difficult, rude, or discourteous, you may even change the direction of the conversation. Even if they don’t respond to you in kindness, you can look back at the funeral and say, “I did my best in a difficult situation.”

In life, conflict is unavoidable. How we respond and deal with it is what truly matters. If you are looking for a way to avoid future family discord or an uncomfortable situation at a funeral, one option is to talk with your elderly, living relatives about making advance funeral arrangements. Putting a plan in place provides a valuable opportunity for families to get on the same page regarding future events and prevent as much disagreement as possible.