If you want to plan ahead for your funeral wishes or plan a funeral for a loved one, the checklist below will help you in making important decisions:
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Cremation may be on the rise, but that doesn’t mean you can’t plan a full service to celebrate a loved one’s life with viewing and visitation. Many families assume that choosing cremation means sacrificing a viewing or having the body present at the funeral service. But that’s where rental caskets come in!
Today, most funeral homes offer rental caskets, which allows you to select cremation and still have a full service with a loved one’s body present. There’s just one major difference. After the funeral service is complete, the casket will not be escorted to the cemetery. Instead, mourners will attend a gathering or reception, and the body will be prepared for cremation.
In this way, families can pair the healing power of saying goodbye in person with the cost-effectiveness of cremation. Thankfully, you don’t have to give up the traditional elements when you prefer cremation over burial.
What else do you need to know about rental caskets? Let’s review some important details to consider.
How is a rental casket different from a standard casket?
When looking at the rental casket, most people won’t be able to tell that it’s not a standard casket. However, the construction is a bit different. The foot panel swings out like a door, allowing an insert to be placed into or removed from the casket exterior. So, the deceased person is placed in a removable container (often made of wood or cardboard) and that box is gently slid into the rental casket. The removable insert comes with its own fabric liner, which is for one-time use, and it is hidden from view once inside the casket exterior.
So, the casket is re-used?
Yes and no; the exterior frame of the casket is re-used, but the removable insert is not. As mentioned above, at no point does the deceased person’s body come in contact with the rental casket itself. The removable insert fully supports the body and the fabric liner within the insert is one-time use only. In this way, the rental casket is protected and preserved.
Additionally, the rental casket is professionally cleaned and sanitized after each use. While the deceased body never touches the rental casket, this extra level of cleanliness is taken to ensure the best possible experience for everyone.
What happens to the removable insert?
By law, when a body is cremated, it must be placed in a container of some sort (often made of wood or cardboard). The removable insert can perform both functions – both as the interior of the rental casket and the alternative container at the crematory.
Where can I get a rental casket?
If you’re looking for ease and convenience, the funeral home is your best option. They will have rental caskets available, and there may even be options to choose from. It’s possible to rent from a third-party business, but please note, you will be responsible for making sure the funeral home has access to it before the funeral.
What is the average cost of a rental casket?
It all depends on your area and the funeral home. To get a sense of costs, request a General Price List (GPL) from reputable funeral homes in your area. The GPL should list the cost of a rental casket and what that fee includes. Remember, you will pay for the removable insert/alternative container in addition to the rental casket.
Can I use a rental casket if I choose burial instead of cremation?
While rental caskets are most commonly used for funeral services before cremation, they can be used when burial is chosen. For example, you might want a ceremonial casket for the viewing, but then bury the deceased person in a much simpler casket. Speak with a funeral director about your options. Then, weigh the pros and cons of whether renting a casket is best for your needs.
What’s next?
To learn more about rental caskets or the full service options available with cremation, contact a funeral home you trust.
Also, if you’d like more information what a General Price List is and what your rights are as a consumer, check out Know Your Rights: The FTC Funeral Rule. With this information, you can confidently interact with the funeral home and get your questions answered!
If you are wondering how to plan a final celebration that is meaningful and that expresses the individuality of the person who died, then here are a few ideas to create an especially healing funeral tribute.
There are many practical benefits to funeral preplanning – like saving money, qualifying for Medicaid, and having funeral funds set aside to pay for everything – but did you know there are also emotional benefits? And let’s be honest – the emotional part of death is the hardest part. So, if you’re on the fence about planning ahead for your funeral wishes, take a look at these 5 emotional benefits that preplanning can give your family during a time of grief and loss.
1. Preplanning reduces stress
After the death of a loved one, it falls to the surviving family members to plan the funeral with the help of a local funeral home. If there’s no advance preparation, that means the family will have to answer 130+ questions in a short period of time. On top of that, they will have to come up with the funds to pay for the funeral, and most families aren’t prepared to take on that kind of unexpected financial responsibility. But with funeral preplanning, you can reduce the stress your family will feel by answering all the questions ahead of time. And if you want, you can set aside funds to cover all the costs.
2. Preplanning removes doubt and uncertainty
Have you ever had to make an important decision without first speaking to your spouse? It’s hard, and there’s a lot of uncertainty. That’s what happens when a loved one doesn’t leave instructions about their funeral wishes. When faced with planning a loved one’s final tribute, surviving family members often feel deeply uncertain and doubt the decisions they made.
Was cremation the right choice? Should we have had a viewing to say our last goodbyes? Could we have done more to personalize the service? By putting your funeral wishes in writing, you remove these feelings of indecision. Instead, your family can honor your life the way you want and feel good about it.
3. Preplanning prevents hurt feelings
What happens when everyone is feeling stressed and no one knows what to do? Stress increases, opinions come out, and arguments begin to simmer. When it’s unclear how to proceed with the funeral plans, surviving family members may begin to disagree on how to proceed.
For example, your son may prefer burial while your daughter thinks cremation is best. Or your spouse is worried about expenses while your children want a big extravagant event. With 130+ questions to answer, there’s a lot of room for argument and hurt feelings. However, when your preferences are clearly outlined with funeral preplanning, your family knows what you want. They can then use that roadmap to honor your life and legacy.
4. Preplanning provides a sense of stability
It may sound weird, but funeral preplanning can actually give your family a sense of stability and control. When a loved one dies, routines are disrupted, and everything feels out of sync, upended, out of control. But when there’s a plan in place, a feeling of stability returns. They don’t have to wade through a sea of uncertainty without a compass. Instead, your advance funeral plan becomes an anchor amidst the whirlwind of planning. The first days following a loss are the hardest, and that sense of stability can soothe emotions and calm fears.
5. Preplanning brings peace of mind
Lastly, funeral preplanning can bring peace of mind to you and your family. For your family, they can rest easy, knowing that you’ve taken care of everything. The selections have been made. The music and venue chosen. The vital statistics are already on file at the funeral home. All your family has to do when the time comes is to choose a date and time. And you can rest in the knowledge that you’ve done everything you can to care for your family and make a difficult experience a little bit easier. That’s a beautiful gift.
Before we go, one more thing.
Quick Tip: Invite Others to Plan with You
One of the benefits of planning ahead for your funeral wishes is that it gives you time to consider all the options and choose what best fits your personality and preferences. As you plan, you’ll definitely want to work with a reputable local funeral home. The funeral director can help you understand your options and act as a resource throughout the advance planning process.
However, also consider inviting your family into the planning process. Yes, you are putting a plan in place to help them, but they can also help you. You may think that a simple burial with no service would be easiest, but your family may want to have a funeral service and invite friends and extended family to pay their respects. The funeral is about your life, but it’s also about your family’s emotional needs. Consider listening to what they think and incorporating some of those ideas into your funeral wishes.
Each person deserves a final ceremony that is as unique as their individual life. These ceremonies should reflect the person’s unique personality and honor the memories they made during their lifetime. Here are a few ways you can create a personalized final farewell celebration.
If you need to qualify for Medicaid coverage for long term care, you may be trying to think of smart ways to spend down your assets. Burial plans can be set up as exempt assets so that they are not counted when applying for Medicaid coverage. This way, you are able to preserve some assets that your family will need one day.
Did you know that the government provides burial benefits for eligible veterans?
Every year, many veterans miss out on receiving these burial benefits because they don’t know what’s available to them. But with a little advance planning, you can ensure that you and your family receive the burial benefits you are entitled to. To learn what burial benefits you’re eligible for, you can contact your local VA office.
Not sure where to start? Here is a checklist to assist you in planning ahead as a veteran:
To download a PDF version of this checklist, click here.
Locate a copy of your DD Form 214
The veteran’s DD Form 214 or equivalent is required to access burial benefits. This form identifies the classification of discharge. If a veteran has anything less than a general discharge, he or she may not qualify for burial benefits.
To make applying for burial benefits easier, make sure your next of kin knows where you keep your DD Form 214. If the DD Form 214 is misplaced or lost, contact Veteran Affairs or your local Veteran Service Officer to request a replacement form.
Record your wishes about military honors
Normally, your funeral director will contact the honor guard of the veteran’s military branch if military honors are requested. In addition, one burial flag will be presented to the next of kin. Make a note of to whom the flag should be presented and which military honors you wish to receive.
Understand your benefits
While the VA will not pay for cremation or funeral costs in full, they may pay the next of kin a burial allowance. Your eligibility depends on your circumstances and whether you qualify. To make sure funeral costs are covered, you should make arrangements with a funeral home.
What’s covered at a national cemetery
A veteran buried in a national cemetery is eligible to receive, at no cost to the family, an opening and closing of the grave, perpetual care, government-furnished headstone or marker, one burial flag, a Presidential Memorial Certificate, and a grave liner.
Also, burial benefits are available for spouses and dependents buried in a national cemetery. These benefits include burial with the veteran, perpetual care, and the spouse or dependent’s name and date of birth and death inscribed on the veteran’s headstone, at no cost to the family. Eligible spouses and dependents may be buried, even if they predecease the veteran.
If you are requesting burial in a national cemetery, contact the National Cemetery Administration to make burial arrangements. The funeral director or person making arrangements will send all discharge documentation to the National Cemetery Scheduling Office. For more information, visit the National Cemetery Administration website. Burials at Arlington National Cemetery are reserved for military retirees, Medal of Honor recipients, or service members who die on active duty.
What’s covered at a state cemetery
Burial benefits may also be available at your local state cemetery, including opening and closing of the grave, perpetual care, grave liner, and the setting of the government-furnished headstone or marker. In addition, an eligible veteran buried in a state cemetery is still entitled to receive a government headstone or marker, one burial flag, and a Presidential Memorial Certificate, at no cost to the family.
Check with your funeral director for more information about burial benefits that may be available for eligible dependents. Additionally, your funeral director can inform you about any fees associated with burial.
What’s covered at a private cemetery
Veterans buried in a private cemetery may be eligible to receive a government-furnished headstone, a marker or medallion, one burial flag, and a Presidential Memorial Certificate, at no cost to the family. Spouses and dependents buried in a private cemetery are not eligible for any VA benefits. To determine eligibility, contact your local Veteran Service Officer.
Remember that certain conditions affect burial allowance eligibility
For eligible veterans, the VA provides burial allowances to help offset an eligible veteran’s burial or cremation and funeral costs. However, these burial allowances typically do not cover the full cost. To receive a burial allowance, you must meet at least one of the following conditions:
- The veteran dies due to a service-connected disability.
- The veteran is receiving a VA pension.
- The veteran was entitled to receive a VA pension or compensation but decided not to reduce his/her military retirement or disability pay.
- The veteran dies while in a VA or contracted VA hospital or under VA care.
- The veteran dies while traveling under proper authorization and at VA expense to and from a specified place for treatment or examination.
- The veteran had an original or reopened claim pending at the time of death, and it has been determined he/she is eligible for compensation or pension from a date before their death.
- The veteran died on or after October 9, 1996, while a patient at a VA-approved state nursing home.
Contact your VA office to determine if you are eligible for a burial allowance.
Still have questions? Check out our Veterans’ Burial Benefits FAQ for more information.
Most funeral homes are staffed by hardworking, caring, and compassionate people. But every once in a while, you might come across a funeral home that does not have your best interests in mind. So, how can you identify the funeral homes you should avoid? Let’s discuss several warning signs you can look out for as you choose a funeral home partner.
7 Warning Signs to Look For
Unless you live in a small town, you likely have more than one choice of funeral home. And it’s up to you to decide which one you want to work with. As you thoughtfully consider your options, look out for the following warning signs.
Warning Sign #1: They Don’t Provide a General Price List (GPL) Upon Request
By law, every funeral home is required to keep a General Price List (GPL) updated and available to consumers. That means you! The Federal Trade Commission set the Funeral Rule in place back in 1984 to protect you from possible scams or unfair pricing. Whether you’re preplanning or have suffered a recent loss, if the funeral home doesn’t want to give you their GPL, that’s a red flag. When you pick up the GPL, the funeral home may want to briefly discuss their pricing with you and answer your questions, but they should NEVER refuse to give it to you.
Warning Sign #2: They Aren’t Transparent About Their Pricing & Practices
There are many ways a funeral home can exhibit a lack of transparency. Do they only show you a limited number of caskets or urns? Do they give you vague numbers or generally avoid specific answers to your questions? Are they asking you to pay without an explanation of services? These are red flags that the funeral director could be acting dishonestly. A reputable funeral home will review ALL of your options for services and merchandise. Plus, they will give you an itemized breakdown of costs.
Warning Sign #3: They Try to Sell Services You Don’t Need or Want
Our third warning sign relates to how the funeral director talks about services and merchandise. Do they want you to pay for a protective casket even though you’ve chosen cremation? Are they pushing you to add services you don’t want? Are they saying embalming is required? Good funeral homes will present you with the options and offer suggestions based on their experience, but they will allow you to decide what’s best for your family. So, if you feel like the funeral director is aggressively trying to steer you toward certain decisions, that’s a red flag.
Warning Sign #4: They Rush You to Make Decisions
After losing a loved one, you’re already in a state of heightened stress. Regardless of what the funeral director may say, you have time to make decisions about honoring your loved one’s life. If they start telling you that every decision needs to be made RIGHT NOW or that you’re taking too long, that’s a red flag. The best funeral directors will take all the time you need. They will sit with you, listen to you, and do everything possible to help your family create a unique and meaningful final tribute.
Warning Sign #5: They Make You Feel Guilty
“Emotional overspending” is a real thing. It often happens when the deceased doesn’t leave behind instructions regarding their funeral wishes. The surviving family members, not knowing what to do, may decide to go all out and buy “only the best” for their loved one. A dishonest funeral director will take advantage of the family’s uncertainty and make them feel guilty if they don’t buy the most expensive options. The funeral director is there to guide your experience, not dictate your decisions. If they start to guilt trip you for choosing a less expensive option, that’s a red flag.
Warning Sign #6: They Aren’t Caring and Sympathetic
The funeral profession is closely intertwined with the most difficult human experience: the death of a loved one. When choosing a funeral home, you need caring, sympathetic people alongside you. If the funeral director is acting inconsiderate, unkind, impatient, or simply disinterested or aloof, that’s a red flag. The last thing you need following the death of a loved one is to deal with a difficult person. Good funeral homes will employ knowledgeable, compassionate people who want to help you through each step of the funeral planning process.
Warning Sign #7: They are Difficult to Work With
At funeral homes that practice good customer service, the goal is to make the funeral planning process as simple and easy for you as possible. That means they should be accommodating and easy to work with. However, if your interactions with the funeral home are difficult or frustrating, that’s a red flag. For example, do they reschedule appointments without advance notice? Are they impossible to get ahold of? Do they avoid answering your questions? Never return your calls? These behaviors shouldn’t be ignored.
Now that we’ve covered 7 warning signs to look out for, let’s talk about several ways you can avoid ending up at a dishonest funeral home in the first place.
Tactics for Identifying Dishonest Funeral Homes
None of us like to think about death ahead of time. But if you want to make sure you and your family aren’t taken advantage of, you should familiarize yourself with the funeral homes in your area long before you need their services.
You can do that in several ways, including:
- Check their Google and Facebook reviews
- Talk to family or friends and get word-of-mouth recommendations
- Review the funeral home’s website and social media to see who they are
- Check the Better Business Bureau to see if there are any complaints
- Attend an open house or event hosted by the funeral home
- Request a tour of the funeral home and ask for a GPL
- Trust your instincts
With all the regulations and guidelines set in place, the odds are excellent that most of the funeral homes in your area are run by good, caring people who are providing a necessary and much-needed service. But there are a few bad apples out there, and it’s good to identify them.
For additional information, check out Top 10 Characteristics to Look for in a Funeral Home or Top 11 Qualities to Look for in a Funeral Director.
Armed with these 7 warning signs, you can more confidently choose a funeral home partner who will focus on meeting your needs, answering your questions, and ensuring that you and your loved one are treated with respect, dignity, and the utmost integrity.
As you plan a healing and meaningful funeral for a loved one, it’s essential that you find ways to make it personal. According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally recognized grief counselor and best-selling author, there are 7 elements to include in a perfectly balanced funeral ceremony: music, readings, visitation/reception, eulogy, symbols, gathering, and actions. Today, we are going to focus on literary readings and how they can enhance and personalize a funeral or memorial service.
Funeral readings come in a variety of forms, lengths, and formats. Some are religious; others are not. The ultimate goals of funeral readings are to pay tribute to the deceased, encourage reflection, and provide comfort and hope to the grieving. While many readings are religious, they don’t have to be. There is a LOT of freedom to choose what feels right and best for your loved one’s services.
Let’s look at 10 literary readings that are perfect for any type of service.
1. “She is Gone” by David Harkins
Written by English poet David Harkins in 1982, this short poem focuses on the gratitude we feel for those we love. Their presence, their legacy, their very lives – we will never be the same because they lived. Also, with a small alternation to “he”, you can use the poem for a male or female loved one.
You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
Or you can be full of the love that you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday
You can remember her and only that she is gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
2. “Death is Nothing at All” by Henry Scott-Holland
While it was written by an English priest, the words are not overtly religious. Instead, Scott-Holland focuses on the universal human experience: the knowledge that a loved one may be gone, but in some nearly incomprehensible way, their spirit still lives on in us. We don’t need to forget who they were; they never really leave.
Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.
Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just round the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
3. “Instructions” by Arnold Crompton
In its simple turn of phrase, “Instructions” conveys the reality that grief is a part of everyday life. The loss of a loved one becomes a part of our life story. Even as we talk, eat, climb mountains, wrestle with new ideas, and do the things of life, our loved one’s memory is right there with us through it all.
When I have moved beyond you in the adventure of life,
Gather in some pleasant place and there remember me
With spoken words, old and new.
Let a tear if you will, but let a smile come quickly
For I have loved the laughter of life.
Do not linger too long with your solemnities.
Go eat and talk, and when you can;
Follow a woodland trail, climb a high mountain,
Walk along the wild seashore,
Chew the thoughts of some book
Which challenges your soul.
Use your hands some bright day
To make a thing of beauty
Or to lift someone’s heavy load.
Though you mention not my name,
Though no thought of me crosses your mind,
I shall be with you,
For these have been the realities of my life for me.
And when you face some crisis with anguish.
When you walk alone with courage,
When you choose your path of right,
I shall be very close to you.
I have followed the valleys,
I have climbed the heights of life.
4. “Gone From My Sight” attributed to Henry Van Dyke
Using beautiful metaphor, the author softens the concept of death. The ship, representing the deceased, is stalwart, beautiful, and strong. And rather than leaving entirely, the person is welcomed to a new place by those excited to see her. Filled with hope, this reading offers comfort to those who are grieving.
I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side,
spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts
for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck
of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then, someone at my side says, “There, she is gone.”
Gone where?
Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast,
hull and spar as she was when she left my side.
And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me — not in her.
And, just at the moment when someone says, “There, she is gone,”
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout, “Here she comes!”
And that is dying…
5. “Not How Did He Die, but How Did He Live?” by Merrit Malloy
In just a few words, this poem by Merrit Malloy hits on the true purpose of a funeral service. It is not to dwell on gain or fame, but to celebrate the true measure of a person. Did they do the things that matter? Did they make a positive difference, even to just one person? Though the words are short and sweet, they make you consider your own choices and how you want to live your life.
Not, how did he die, but how did he live?
Not, what did he gain, but what did he give?
These are the units to measure the worth
Of a man as a man, regardless of his birth.
Nor what was his church, nor what was his creed?
But had he befriended those really in need?
Was he ever ready, with words of good cheer,
To bring back a smile, to banish a tear?
Not what did the sketch in the newspaper say,
But how many were sorry when he passed away?
6. Irish Blessing
This well-known blessing is used for a variety of occasions because of its versatility. At a funeral, it can speak comfort to the mourner’s heart, sweetly offering hope for the future even as we wait to meet a lost loved one once more. Its uplifting tone invites people to wish each other well on the journey of life.
May the roads rise up to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
May the rains fall soft upon fields
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
7. “Let Me Go” by Christina Rossetti
With timeless prose, Christina Rosetti highlights a path we must all take: losing those we love, and even so, learning how to live again. With its compassionate tone, the words encourage mourners to grieve but to also remember. In the remembrance, there is hope, there is joy, and there is healing.
When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom filled room
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little, but not for long
And not with your head bowed low
Remember the love that once we shared
Miss me, but let me go.
For this is a journey we all must take
And each must go alone.
It’s all part of the master plan
A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick at heart
Go to the friends we know.
Laugh at all the things we used to do
Miss me, but let me go.
8. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
A rather unconventional addition to the list, Fahrenheit 451 is a dystopian novel published in 1953 by American author Ray Bradbury. Though the book has a rather contentious history, the message in this passage rings true. The value and importance of legacy cannot be overstated, and at a funeral, it’s right and good to celebrate lives touched and changed by a loved one’s presence.
Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you’re there. It doesn’t matter what you do, he said, so as long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that’s like you after you take your hands away.
9. “Roads Go Ever On” by J.R.R. Tolkien (excerpt from Lord of the Rings)
For decades, the Lord of the Rings has been a beloved classic for generations of readers. Nestled amidst its pages, this poem uses nature and soothing imagery to illustrate the journey of life. There are many ups and downs, and in the end, we must all face death. But death is just another stop; it is not the end. Acknowledging the immortality of the soul brings comfort that a loved one is never truly gone.
Roads go ever ever on,
Over rock and under tree,
By caves where never sun has shone,
By streams that never find the sea;
Over snow by winter sown,
And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass and over stone,
And under mountains in the moon.
Roads go ever ever on,
Under cloud and under star.
Yet feet that wandering have gone
Turn at last to home afar.
Eyes that fire and sword have seen,
And horror in the halls of stone
Look at last on meadows green,
And trees and hills they long have known.
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way,
Where many paths and errands meet.
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with weary feet,
Until it joins some larger way,
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
The Road goes ever on and on
Out from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone.
Let others follow, if they can!
Let them a journey new begin.
But I at last with weary feet
Will turn towards the lighted inn,
My evening-rest and sleep to meet.
Still ’round the corner there may wait
A new road or secret gate;
And though I oft have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun.
10. “The Dash” by Linda Ellis
One of the most natural responses to death is to re-evaluate your own life. “Should I do more?” “I haven’t pursued that dream, but I’m going to do it.” And according to Dr. Wolfelt, one of the purposes of a funeral is to search for meaning. With poignancy and simplicity, this reading invites you to search for the meaning of your life and to change what needs changing to make the most of your “dash.”
I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on the tombstone
from the beginning…to the end.
He noted that first came the date of birth
and spoke the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time
that they spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved them
know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own —
the cars…the house…the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.
So, think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real,
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more,
and love the people in our lives
like we’ve never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect
and more often wear a smile,
remembering this special dash
might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy is being read
with your life’s actions to rehash,
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent YOUR dash?
These literary readings are, of course, just the beginning of the possibilities. There are many other literary readings you might consider including at a personalized funeral or memorial service. If there are specific books, poems, or even lyrics, that were meaningful to your loved one, include those.
For more ideas on readings you could include, read:
How do Readings Enhance the Funeral Experience?
Top 15 Bible Verses for a Celebration of Life Service
Top 10 Poems for a Funeral Ceremony
Also, if you want to remove the burden of funeral planning from your loved ones by choosing all the details in advance, check out these resources:
What is Advance Funeral Planning?
What to Expect at a Preplanning Appointment
10 Reasons to Plan Ahead
How to Get Started With Funeral Preplanning
After the death of a loved one, you may not feel like applying for Social Security survivor benefits right away because everything feels overwhelming. However, if you do put it off, please know that some benefits aren’t retroactive. That means you will lose them if you don’t apply quickly. But before you can apply, you have to know what to do. Let’s take a few minutes to discuss what you need to know, so you can apply for survivor benefits with the Social Security Administration as seamlessly as possible.
How much are Social Security survivor benefits?
For those who have lost a spouse, Social Security pays out a special one-time lump sum payment of $255 to the surviving spouse of an eligible recipient. If there is no surviving spouse, an eligible child can receive this one-time payment.
Any other additional monies due will depend on the earnings of the deceased. The more he or she paid in Social Security, the higher the benefits. However, depending on the surviving spouse’s age and circumstances, they may not receive financial assistance right away.
Who is eligible to receive Social Security survivor benefits?
Social Security survivor benefits can be paid to an eligible:
- Widow or widower – Full benefits at 60 or older (50 or older if the spouse has a disability that started before or within 7 years of the deceased’s death).
- Widow or widower – At any age, if the surviving spouse is taking care of the deceased’s child who is under the age of 16 or has a disability.
- Unmarried children – Until the age of 18. However, an unmarried child can receive benefits longer if they have an ongoing disability that started before the age of 22.
- Dependent parents – At the age of 62 or older, if they received at least half their income from their deceased child.
- Divorced spouses – A former spouse can receive benefits under the same circumstances as a widow or widower, if the marriage lasted 10 years or more.
For guidelines on what constitutes a disability, click here.
What information do you need to provide?
To receive survivor benefits, you will need to provide the following information at the time of your claim:
- Proof of death (e.g., death certificate)
- SSN (both yours and the deceased’s)
- Dependent children’s SSNs (if applicable)
- Deceased’s birth certificate
- Marriage certificate (if you’re a widow or widower)
- Final divorce decree (if you’re a surviving divorced spouse)
- Military discharge papers (for military service before 1968)
- Deceased worker’s W-2 forms
- Bank name (if direct deposit is an option)
- Forms SSA-3368 and SSA-827 (if you are applying for disability benefits)
Where can you get more information about Social Security survivor benefits?
You can call 1-800-772-1213 (TTY: 1-800-325-07780) to report a death or apply for benefits. (Note: you cannot report or apply online.) Representatives are available from 8:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. Monday – Friday. If you’d like to speak to your local Social Security Office, click here to use an Office Locator and find the contact information you need.
Another great resource is the Social Security Administration website: ssa.gov. They have everything clearly lined out, so it’s a go-to spot for all of your questions.
Here are a few links that will help you along the way:
Overview of Social Security Survivor Benefits
Widow, Widower, or Divorced Spouse Benefits