Explore Options Archives - Funeral Basics

Nov 25

Man and woman in black clothing leaning on each other in a comforting way as they attend a visitation

Viewing vs. Visitation: What’s the Difference?

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Planning Tools

After losing a loved one, you will have to make many decisions regarding what type of services will best honor their unique life. As you speak with a funeral director, they may ask you, “Would you like to have a viewing or a visitation?” These two terms may seem interchangeable, but they actually aren’t. Let’s talk about the key difference between them.

What is a Viewing?

For some people, it’s important to physically see a loved one before they are laid to rest. At a viewing, the deceased’s body is available to “view,” often lying in a casket with flowers or memorabilia nearby. You can choose to have a public viewing or a private, family-only viewing.

The act of viewing the person can play an important role in the grieving process. It’s an opportunity to say goodbye in person, to touch that special person one final time, to kiss their forehead in farewell. It’s also an opportunity to truly acknowledge the reality of the death. Sometimes, the truth of a loved one’s death doesn’t feel real at first, but by seeing their body for yourself, the reality of the death begins to sink in. And as hard as it may be, accepting the reality of the death is an important aspect of the healing process.

Additionally, the viewing may also provide an opportunity to pay respects to the surviving family. It’s not required that the family be present at the viewing, but most of the time, they are. The viewing gives mourners access to the grieving family and the chance to offer condolences and support following the death.

What is a Visitation?

On the other hand, a visitation is a little different. The surviving family must be present, but the deceased’s body is not visible. While there may be photos, an urn, or even a closed casket, there is no viewing of the body itself.

Instead, the focus of the visitation is on paying one’s respects by offering support and condolences to the grieving family. It’s a time for surviving family members to make themselves available to friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors who want to offer their sympathies. It’s also a time to share stories about the deceased and comfort each other through shared grief.

Because the funeral service itself has an order of events, it’s not always the best time to offer support and condolences. The visitation is more casual and provides the chance to speak freely and as long as you want without the time constraints of the funeral service.

Are there Any Similarities?

Absolutely! Here are a few ways in which the viewing and visitation are similar to each other:

They may both include an opportunity to pay respects to surviving family members
Each event may be personalized to reflect the life of the person who has died
There may be refreshments or a meal provided, if the family wishes
The event can take place at the funeral home, church, community hall, or even a residence (depending on local regulations)
It doesn’t matter whether you choose burial or cremation, you can still have a viewing or visitation (though embalming is generally recommended for the viewing)

Could I Have a Viewing AND a Visitation?

Yes, you could, but to keep things less stressful for the grieving family, it’s often recommended to simply have a viewing with the family also present. By doing so, you cut down on the number of events the family must attend while still achieving the benefits of both a viewing and a visitation.

Is a Visitation or Viewing Required?

Neither of these events are required. It’s entirely up to your personal preferences whether you’d like to include either one. They do have their benefits, so speak with your family and the funeral director as you decide whether to include them or exclude them from a loved one’s final tribute.

Are There Times When a Viewing is Not Recommended?

Yes, there are times when the funeral director may recommend that the family skip the viewing. Most of the time, this recommendation is made because the body is not as presentable. While funeral homes can do wonders with cosmetics or restorative arts, there are times when it’s not enough to restore a loved one’s appearance to how you remember them. In these cases, the funeral director will use their professional judgment and suggest you skip the viewing. The final decision will be up to the surviving family members.

When Does a Viewing or Visitation Occur?

As you plan the funeral service with your chosen funeral director, you can discuss the options. The two most common choices are:

Have the visitation/viewing the evening before the funeral service. This allows anyone unable to attend the funeral service a secondary opportunity to say goodbye and offer their support.
Have the visitation/viewing the hour prior to the funeral service. This option means that the grieving family only has one event to attend, but there may be some people unable to attend due to their own work or personal schedules.

Ultimately, it’s up to the family to decide what’s best for their own grief and for honoring their loved one’s life.

Personalization is Key

Now that you have a better understanding about the key differences between a viewing and a visitation, it’s essential to discuss the importance of personalization. For an event to be meaningful, it must also be personalized. You can go simple or elaborate, but the personal touches will make the viewing or visitation that much more special to the grieving family and any other mourners.

Here are a few resources that will help you personalize the event, whether you choose a viewing or a visitation:

Nov 12

Love0

Black urn sitting outside in a natural setting

Urn Burial: Understanding the Basics

By christy.kessler Cremation, Explore Options, Planning Tools

When you choose cremation, there are a lot more choices than you might think. Would you like to have a service before or after cremation takes place? If so, would you like to add personalized details? What kind of cremation casket/container do you prefer? And amongst those questions is this – what is your plan for the cremated remains once cremation is complete? For some, urn burial is a great option to consider. Let’s learn more!

What is Urn Burial?

Just like it sounds, the urn is buried in the ground (like a casket), and there is a personalized grave marker with birth and death dates. Many cemeteries will require an urn vault (which encases the actual urn) to ensure the ground stays level as time passes. In general, urn burial will cost less than casket burial because cemetery plots are smaller in size and urns cost less than caskets.

If you would like to bridge the gap between a traditional burial ceremony and cremation, then urn burial could be a good choice for your family. It also provides a permanent place for friends and family to visit the lost loved one whenever they wish.

Where Can You Bury an Urn?

After you’ve decided that urn burial is the route you’d like to go, the next step is deciding where to bury the urn. Let’s review your options.

Burial in a Cemetery

Perhaps the most popular option, burial in a cemetery is relatively easy to coordinate and gives your family a place to visit and leave memorial items after a loved one has died. Many cemeteries offer an urn burial section, and as stated before, the cost is more affordable because an urn requires less space.

Cemeteries often require that you bury the ashes in a cremation urn vault. This prevents the ground from caving in and becoming uneven should the urn begin to deteriorate over time. To be clear, in most cases, this means you would select an urn (decorative, stone, wood, etc.) and that urn would then be placed in the urn vault before burial takes place.

Burial in an Urn Garden

Some cemeteries also offer urn gardens or memorial gardens as an option for urn burial. These gardens provide a natural setting with flowers, trees, water features, and sometimes reflection pools. However, there may be special rules around grave markers to ensure the garden maintains a clean look.

Urn gardens are not available in every town or city, so if you would like to pursue this option, speak with your funeral director. They will have a good sense of the options available in your area.

Burial in a Green Cemetery

For some, natural settings provide peace, tranquility, and an eco-friendly option. However, with green cemeteries, there will be specific requirements on which types of urns you can use.

Many green cemeteries will ask you to choose an urn that is all-natural and biodegradable with no synthetic glues, stains, or metal components. They will likely have eco-friendly urns available for purchase in materials like natural woods, ceramic, paper, or cardboard, to name a few.

Burial on Your Personal Property

Can you bury an urn in your backyard? In some states, you can. If you would like to bury a loved one’s ashes on your personal property, make sure you investigate state or local regulations first. There may be zoning laws or distance requirements that could prohibit you from urn burial on your property. Additionally, you may be required to have a special permit or to designate the land as a family cemetery. To see the regulations in your state, click here.

Additionally, it’s good to consider the long-term implications, such as property transfer. If you decide to sell your home at some point, you will either need to disclose to prospective buyers that there are human remains buried on the property, or you will need to dig up the urn and take it with you to your new home.

Burial on Someone Else’s Private Property

If you have a friend who owns acres and acres of land, and you have their permission to bury a loved one’s urn, then in most cases, you can do it. But as a reminder, look into those rules, regulations, and ordinances first. Every state’s requirements are different, so to make sure everything stays legal, look at the fine print.

If you are interested in burial on land that belongs to a corporation, business group, or even federal land, the likelihood of gaining permission is slim. For example, if you’d like to bury a loved one’s urn at their favorite National Park, you are unlikely to receive permission. While most National Parks allow scattering, they don’t allow burial. If you are denied permission to bury, it’s best to accept that decision and move on to your second choice.

What Types of Urns are Best for Urn Burial?

The best type of urn to choose depends on your personal preferences and the burial location. Before you can choose an urn, you first need to decide what type of urn burial you want. Once you’ve chosen, select which type of urn would work best.

Here are a few of the main types:

Temporary urn (box used to return ashes to the family)
Custom-built or personalized urn
Biodegradable, eco-friendly urn
Stone urn (which will also serve as a vault)

When choosing an urn, consider the material, design, size, and functionality. For example, if you’ve chosen burial in a green cemetery, there’s no point in looking at stone urns. Instead, your best bet is to look at biodegradable urns.

The material, design, and size will affect the pricing to a certain extent, so keep that in mind. Some metals or wood will be more expensive than others. If you’d like a custom shape, like a guitar for a musician’s funeral, that will add to the overall cost. However, these personalized details often carry rich meaning, and if they provide a way for you to honor your loved one’s life, carefully consider whether to customize the urn or not.

Regarding the size of the urn, make sure you know how much space the burial plot includes and purchase accordingly. Some cemeteries may even require specific dimensions, so confirm with the cemetery staff before choosing an urn or vault.

Urn Burial FAQs

To ensure you have the answers you need, check out these frequently asked questions.

Can you bury only part of the ashes?

If you’d like to keep a portion of the ashes for cremation jewelry or to place in a keepsake urn in your home, you can do that. Just make sure that you inform the cemetery, so they know the exact amount of remains to be buried.

Can you bury two urns in one burial plot?

It will be up to the cemetery’s regulations, but many do offer shared plots, allowing spouses or families to rest together. If this is important to you, speak with your preferred cemetery about their specific options.

Can you bury ashes without an urn?

You will need to double-check with your chosen cemetery, but many will require some sort of container. With a traditional cemetery, you can bury with an urn vault only, which means you would not need a decorative urn.

If you choose a green cemetery, it’s unlikely they will require an urn vault, but they may still request some sort of biodegradable container.

There may be some cemeteries that allow you to place the ashes directly in the ground (no urn or vault), but they are less common and may be harder to find in your area.

Do some urns serve as their own burial vaults?

If you select a stone urn, such as marble, onyx, or granite, the cemetery may not require that you also have an urn vault. Stone is not going to degrade in the same way as wood, ceramic, metal, or glass. However, ask the cemetery personnel what their policy is regarding stone urns. The answer may vary from state to state or cemetery to cemetery.

What material should I choose for the burial urn?

It all depends on your burial plan. Stone, metal, and marble offer longevity, durability, and strength. Biodegradable materials are preferred for green or natural burial. Speak with the funeral home or cemetery staff to get a sense of what works best for your specific needs.

Can you bury cremated remains you’ve had at home for a while?

Absolutely. In fact, it’s best to have a permanent plan for a loved one’s remains. Keeping the ashes at home is fine for a time to aid in healing. But keep in mind – someday you, too, will die. What happens to the ashes then? A younger family member may not realize the significance of the urn and simply clean out the house, not realizing the ashes were even there. Rather than have something unfortunate occur, make a plan for your loved one’s ashes – scattering, burial, placement in a columbarium – even if you don’t plan to remove the urn from your home for another 5 or 10 years.

Can you change your mind or move the urn after burial?

If you change your mind after urn burial has taken place in a cemetery, speak with the cemetery personnel to discuss your options. There may be restrictions on unearthing the urn once it’s placed in a cemetery. However, at your home, you can unearth the urn to allow you to scatter the remains or give them a different permanent home.

Disclaimer: This is general information, not legal advice. Consult a funeral director in your area to confirm, as state and local laws may vary.

Oct 27

Love0

Musical notes made out of pink flowers on black background

10 Songs to Honor Mom at a Funeral Service

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Personalization, Planning Tools

Colorful flowers acting like musical notes on vines that are lines of music

For many people, a mom is so much more than just another family member. She’s a pillar of strength, love, kindness, and acceptance. She offers wise counsel and a compassionate, listening ear. She is present and supportive. When you lose someone so important to your life, the urge to honor them in a special way is strong. If you are planning a personalized final tribute for a loving mother, consider including one of these 10 songs to honor her life and the way you feel about her.

1. Because You Loved Me (Celine Dion)

Maybe I don’t know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

While this song does imply a link to a romantic relationship, the message at its core is one of gratitude. It focuses on thanking a loved one for guidance, encouragement, and protection through the ups and downs of life. The poignant words paired with Celine Dion’s incomparable voice make the song unforgettable and a lovely way to honor mom.

2. In My Life (The Beatles)

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life, I love you more

Performed by the beloved Beatles, this timeless tune explores themes of love, loss, and nostalgia. Its depth of emotion and thoughtful lyrics help the listener reflect on and appreciate the people in their lives, like a wonderful mom. If you or your mom loved the Beatles or connected to their music in an impactful way, this song may be a worthy inclusion at the funeral service.

3. Mother Like Mine (The Band Perry)

She’s the sky that holds the clouds
She’s the lady of the house
A blind believer in all I dare to be
There’s no safer place I’ve found

With its soothing cadence and deep message, this song from The Band Perry resonates with listeners from all walks of life. The lyrics explore the irreplaceable role of mothers and the power of their unconditional love. If your mom had a positive impact on your life and seemed to be the glue that kept your family together, you might consider including this country classic at her final tribute.

4. My Wish (Rascal Flatts)

But more than anything, more than anything
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

This #1 hit song by Rascal Flatts was written from the perspective of a parent to a child. The lyrics express the wishes many parents have toward their children – big dreams, small worries, no regrets, and lasting love. To bring solace to mourners after the loss of a beloved maternal figure, this song may be a great comfort as you remember just how much your mom loved you and what she wanted for you.

5. You’ll Be in My Heart (Phil Collins)

‘Cause you’ll be in my heart
Yes, you’ll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

In this familiar classic, Phil Collins explores the ongoing presence of love. Even after a person has died, their legacy and their memory don’t go away. As the song states, “you’ll be in my heart from this day on, now and forevermore” and no truer words were spoken. If you are looking for a song to honor a mom who stood with you, supporting you and loving you, consider including this song at the services.

6. Mama Liked the Roses (Elvis Presley)

Oh, mama liked the roses,
But most of all she cared
About the way we learned to live

Released in Elvis Presley’s 1970 album titled “Elvis’ Christmas Album,” this song holds a special place in the hearts of many fans. With poignant words, Presley shares a look into his own feelings about his mother and the beauty of the enduring bond between a mother and her children. If your mom loved roses or was an Elvis Presley fan, then this enduring classic may be the perfect addition to a lovely tribute.

7. Heaven Was Needing a Hero (Jo Dee Messina)

I came by today to see you
Though I had to let you know
If I knew the last time that I held you was the last time
I’d have held you and never let go

Sometimes, death is expected, and sometimes, it’s not. In this heartfelt country ballad, Messina expresses the desire so many people feel – the ability to see that special person one more time. And she also dives into the emotions you may feel following a loss, especially learning how to grapple with why and how to move forward. If your mother was your hero, this soothing song could be the perfect complement to your plans for her final tribute.

8. Two of Us (Louis Tomlinson)

I know you’ll be looking down
Swear I’m gonna make you proud
I’ll be living one life for the two of us

Written following the passing of his own mother, Tomlinson shares aspects of his grief journey throughout the song. In an interview, he declared that writing the song was a therapeutic experience for him, and he hopes that even though it is sad, other people will find the song’s message comforting during their own losses. If you resonate with Tomlinson and the words he sings about his own mother, consider honoring yours with this ballad.

9. See You Again (Carrie Underwood)

I will see you again, oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
‘Til I see you again

In this uplifting country tune from Carrie Underwood, the focus is on hope and the belief that we will one day see the people we love again. While your mom may no longer be physically present, there is a time in the future when you will see her again and rejoice together at the reunion. If you share Underwood’s beliefs and want to lean into hope for the future, consider including this selection at your mom’s funeral service.

10. Supermarket Flowers (Ed Sheeran)

Oh I’m in pieces, it’s tearing me up, but I know
A heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved
So I’ll sing Hallelujah
You were an angel in the shape of my mum

In this beautiful tribute to a beloved mom and grandmother, Sheeran’s powerful lyrics and emotive voice help you feel exactly what he’s feeling. Perhaps the most stunning words of the songs are the reminder that “a heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved.” If you shared a deep and abiding love with your mother, listen to this haunting melody and consider whether it’s right for honoring your mom’s life and legacy.

Honorable Mentions

If you are a daughter seeking to honor your mom, you might consider including Celine Dion’s “Goodbye’s the Saddest Word,” Faith Hill’s “You Can’t Lose Me,” Taylor Swift’s “The Best Day (Taylor’s Version),” or Riley Roth’s “When God Made You My Mother.” For a son, both “A Song for Mama” by Boyz II Men and “Will the Circle be Unbroken” by Randy Travis are beautiful tributes. And if you grew up in a single parent household with mom as your primary support, “Thank you Mom” by Good Charlotte could be the perfect addition.

As you plan a personalized tribute for your mom, you are not limited to the songs on this list. These are merely a starting place. If there’s a song that always reminds you of your mom or that she sang regularly, include that song. The goal of personalizing the music at a funeral service is to capture the person’s unique life and personality. So, think of who your mom was and choose music accordingly.

Additional Resources

For more suggestions on songs to include at a funeral service, check out the resources below:

By decade:

Oct 23

Love0

Flower spray resting on top of light wood casket with lit candle nearby

A Quick Guide to Cremation Caskets

By christy.kessler Cemeteries, Cremation, Educational, Explore Options

If you are interested in cremation as the final disposition of choice, you may need to choose a cremation casket or cremation container as part of your funeral plan. In many states, cremation cannot take place unless the body is placed in some sort of container, and today, we’re going to talk about the options.

Flower spray resting on top of light wood casket with lit candle nearby

Ultimately, the decision of which type of casket to use is up to you and your family, and there’s no right or wrong answer. While it can be a difficult choice, discuss the options with both your funeral director and your family to decide what’s best for your particular needs.

3 Types of Cremation Caskets & Cremation Containers

The main thing that sets cremation caskets apart from burial caskets is that any cremation casket or container must be made of a fully combustible material. This means there can be no metal parts (or very minimal ones). Let’s discuss 3 main types of cremation caskets and containers that are most commonly available.

1. Traditional Cremation Casket

If you would like to have a traditional funeral service with body present before cremation takes place, you can. In this instance, you can choose a more traditional cremation casket made from materials like wood, bamboo, or wicker. The casket will encase a loved one’s body for the funeral service or visitation, and after all services are complete, everything will be escorted to the crematory. Since there’s no metal, the casket will serve dual purposes: presentation at the service and dignity at the crematory.

2. Green or Eco-Friendly Caskets

Because green or eco-friendly caskets are made of natural materials, you can use one as a cremation casket. These types of caskets are available in bamboo, willow, seagrass, wicker, cotton or wool, teak, and other types of wood. They tend to be less expensive, depending on the material and construction you choose. Also, they are fully combustible and contain no metal.

3. Cremation Container (or Alternative Container)

Another option is to choose a cremation container (as opposed to a cremation casket). A cremation container is a simple box made of either cardboard or fiberboard. There are no embellishments or personalized elements, and the focus is on function, not presentation. If it’s important to you, some cremation containers are made to look like traditional caskets, but you will need to speak with your funeral director to determine if that option is available in your area.

4 Tips When Buying a Cremation Casket

When deciding which cremation casket or container to use, keep these 4 tips in mind:

1. What is My Budget?

Always keep your budget in mind. While cremation caskets are typically less expensive than burial caskets, they do vary in price. If you are working with a very specific budget, speak with your funeral director about the options that best fit with your financial needs.

2. Does Appearance Matter?

For some, the appearance of the caskets matters, so do a little research. If you’d like to add personalized elements, then a cremation container isn’t for you. However, with some cremation caskets, you can add special touches to create something unique.

3. Will There Be a Funeral Service?

If you plan to have a traditional service with the body present before cremation takes place, keep that in mind when selecting a cremation casket.

4. Did My Loved One Have Any Personal Preferences?

If you are planning a final tribute for a loved one, you may or may not know what their funeral preferences were. However, if your loved one preplanned, consider honoring those wishes and going with their preferred selection. If not, make the best choice possible with the information you have.

Common Questions to Consider

What are my casket options if I choose to have a traditional funeral service with cremation?

First, you can either select a cremation casket made of a natural material, such as wood or bamboo, that is presentable for the service and safe for the crematory. Or second, you can speak with your funeral director to see if the funeral home offers rental caskets.

While a rental casket looks like a traditional casket, there’s a foot panel that opens up to allow a cardboard insert to be placed into or removed from the casket exterior. The removable insert comes with its own fabric liner, which is for one-time use, and it is hidden from view once inside the casket exterior.

In this way, you can rent a casket for the ceremony and have a less expensive container for the crematory. To learn more, read “Rental Caskets: What You Need to Know.”

What is the cost of a cremation casket?

The cost will vary depending on the type of casket you select. Some materials cost more than others, but in general, cremation caskets and containers will be less expensive than burial caskets.

Do cremation caskets come with personalized design elements?

There may be a few different design options available, but in general, the appearance is more minimalist. If you’d like, you can always work with the funeral home to commission a custom cremation casket, if that’s important for your family.

What does the interior of a cremation casket look like?

Generally, the interior will be simple with a lining and basic padding. You won’t see the more ornate details that are available with burial caskets.

Does a cremation casket seal?

There are no tight sealing mechanisms on cremation caskets. The cover and hinges are sufficient for a funeral service, but they are not heavy-duty like you’d see on a burial casket. The purpose of sealing is to keep out the elements, and since a cremation casket will not be buried, there’s no need to seal it in the same way.

Do cremation caskets have handles?

Yes, they do. In some cases, the handles are removable, but it all depends on what type of cremation casket you select.

By law, do I need to purchase a cremation casket?

In all 50 states, the law does not require that a person be cremated in a casket. However, many states or crematories require that there must be some sort of container. This is where the alternative container comes into play. You can select to use the cardboard or fiberboard alternative container in place of a cremation casket, especially if you are on a tight budget. The alternative container won’t come with padding or a lined interior; it is simply a box.

If I choose direct cremation, do I need a cremation casket?

That’s up to you and your family. You do not have to select a cremation casket, but you will likely need a cremation container at the very least.

Can I have a service with a cremation container?

It’s not generally recommended to use a cremation container for a funeral service. Cardboard and fiberboard cremation containers are not intended for viewing purposes and only serve as a means of providing a loved one’s remains with a respectful journey to the crematory. If you don’t want to purchase a cremation casket for a service, you can instead opt for a rental casket.

Hopefully you now feel equipped to better understand the options that are available to you regarding cremation caskets and containers. If you still have questions or would like to discuss the options available locally, reach out to a trusted funeral home and set up a time to visit with a funeral professional. They can help you understand all of your options so you can decide what’s best for your family and your needs.

Sep 05

Love0

Craftsperson using a chisel and mallet to carve a headstone

What Should I Write on a Headstone?

By Courtney Cook Cemeteries, Explore Options, Planning Tools

A headstone or plaque doesn’t just mark someone’s final resting place. They also serve as symbols, reminders of the lost loved one, and ways to honor their memory. That’s why the epitaph, the words inscribed on a headstone, plaque, or memorial marker, is so important.

Epitaphs have a long history, but they have taken many forms over the years. They can be light-hearted and witty or inspirational and profound. All great epitaphs reflect the deceased’s spirit and put a unique, personalized touch on the marker. If you want to memorialize your loved one’s life in an interesting way or plan ahead for your own inscription, consider the following tips for creating a unique epitaph.

Brainstorm ideas

Person writing ideas for an epitaph in a notebook

To start, brainstorm a few ideas. Did your loved one have a signature saying? Was there a movie, book, or song that they loved? How would you describe their character and the life they lived? Write down anything that reminds you of your loved one to get your creativity flowing, even if you’re pretty sure you won’t use what you write.

Put yourself in your loved one’s shoes

Next, consider what your loved one would want on their epitaph. Would they prefer a light-hearted, humorous quote? Or one that moves people deeply and encourages them in daily life? Would they want their epitaph to talk about their personality, interests, hobbies, or role as a father, mother, or child? Look for options that would honor their preferences, priorities, and personality.

Consider your loved one’s principles, beliefs, and values

Plack that says "Known Unto God" surrounded by orange and yellow flowers

Was your loved one a person of faith? You may want to consider using their favorite Bible verse. Or was there a cause they were passionate about and dedicated their time to? Maybe you could mention that. You could also consider using a quote from a poem, song, or literary work. Whatever you choose, make sure it represents the individual’s life and what was most important to them.

Share their legacy

Alternatively, many epitaphs share a snapshot of the person’s legacy. You might see epitaphs like “Beloved wife, mother, and friend” or “He gave his life for his country.” These brief testaments highlight the impact the deceased made and can comfort those who come back year after year to visit the grave.

Keep it short

Craftsperson using a chisel and mallet to carve a headstone

The length of an epitaph will vary, but in most cases, it should be as compact as possible. Consider the amount of space you have available and the kind of material it will be inscribed on. Your funeral director or monument specialist can help answer your questions about your chosen monument or plaque. But in general, it’s best to keep the epitaph short.

Think big picture

The epitaph is an opportunity to communicate a message to people who will visit your loved one for years to come. For this reason, it’s important to decide on an epitaph that will stand the test of time. Consider something with a long-standing appeal and try to avoid fads or a cultural reference that may fade into obscurity as the years go by. The choice is ultimately up to you and your family, though!

Get feedback

Headstone that says "In Loving Memory" on it

After you’ve settled on a few options you like, get feedback from other family members. Your family may have preferences about what goes on your loved one’s marker, so get their input before deciding on the epitaph. For example, if the epitaph is for a parent, ensure all your siblings are on board with the decision. Once everyone agrees, you’re ready to go!

As you consider what to put on your loved one’s grave, don’t be afraid to think outside the box! You could include their signature recipe or use a QR code that links to a memorial website. No matter what you choose, focus on picking something personalized that truly reflects your loved one’s life.

Aug 28

Love0

older man in funeral attire placing hand on shoulder of young woman in black blouse with black lace ribbon in hair

3 Ways an Open-Casket Funeral Helps You Heal

By Brooke Brown Educational, Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals

When you’re planning a funeral, there are many decisions to make, including whether to have an open or closed casket service. At first glance, having an open casket at a viewing or visitation may seem old-fashioned, but did you know that many people find it essential to the healing process? Today, let’s discuss 3 key benefits to having an open-casket funeral and how each one can help you and your family heal after a loss.

Benefit #1: An Open-Casket Funeral Helps You Acknowledge the Reality of Loss

When you lose someone you love, the nature of your relationship changes. Though still a part of your life and memories, your loved one will no longer be physically present. An open-casket funeral helps you accept this difficult change by allowing you to see the body of your loved one. The ability to see a loved one can be an important first step in acknowledging the reality of your loss and the impact it will have on your life and the lives of those around you.

Benefit #2: An Open-Casket Funeral Provides a Setting for Communal Support

The loss of a loved one affects your relationships with friends and family who are also grieving. An open-casket funeral provides a communal setting where you can acknowledge how this loss changes your relationship to the deceased, but also to one another. Gathering together can lessen your grief burden, strengthen your community of support, and ease the transition to life without your loved one by your side.

Benefit #3: An Open-Casket Funeral Allows You to Say Goodbye in Person

Among the hardest things about losing a loved one are the many ways in which you’re reminded of their physical absence. Without them to see or speak to, it may be hard to recall their physical features, cherished individuality, or unique style. An open-casket funeral allows you to be near your loved one’s body one more time, to remember them as they were in life, and to say goodbye in a way that brings you closure and a sense of peace.

What’s Next?

Now that you understand the 3 key benefits of an open-casket funeral, the choice is entirely up to you and your family. In some cases, a closed casket funeral is the right choice, particularly if a loved one’s body is unrecognizable after his or her passing.

As you consider funeral details and planning options, remember that acknowledging the reality of your loss, giving and receiving support, and being able to say goodbye in person are all normal and significant needs of grief. An open-casket funeral is one well-established way of meeting those needs.

If you’d like more information about planning a personalized funeral that will bring healing to family and friends, check out these resources.

Resources for Caskets:

With an open-casket funeral, you will certainly need to consider what type of casket you’d like to use. But what should you consider when choosing a casket? While some variables, such as cost, have probably occurred to you, others may not have. Caskets come in a variety of styles, materials, and price ranges. To learn where to begin when choosing a casket, start with “5 Questions to Ask When Selecting a Casket.”

Also, if you’d prefer, your chosen funeral home may offer the ability to rent a ceremonial casket. This may be a good option if you’ve chosen cremation but still want to have an open-casket service beforehand. Read “Rental Caskets: What You Need to Know” to find out more.

Resources for Funeral Personalization:

In addition to choosing a casket, you will also want to add personal and meaningful touches to the open-casket service to reflect your loved one’s life. By doing so, your family can honor your loved one’s unique life and memory. To start planning a meaningful service that will reflect individuality and personality as well as bring healing to friends and family, take a moment to read “10 Ideas for Making a Funeral More Personal.”

As you decide the best way to honor your loved one’s life, don’t hesitate to reach out to funeral directors and funeral home staff. They can answer any questions you may have about open-casket funerals, ceremonial caskets, personalizing the service, and so much more. You don’t have to do this alone—there are people available to help you through.

Jul 24

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Casket with flowers on top next to rows of candles

5 Questions to Ask When Selecting a Casket

By Courtney Cook Cemeteries, Explore Options, Planning Tools

As you plan a funeral for a loved one or preplan for yourself, there are a lot of decisions you’ll need to make. If you choose burial, one question you’ll need to ask is what type of casket you should pick.

Caskets are one of the more expensive elements of the funeral and burial process, so it’s important to know what you want. Before purchasing, research various types of caskets and their associated costs.

To get you started, here are five questions to help you decide what you’re looking for in a casket.

1. Do You Want a Casket or a Coffin?

coffins and caskets sitting side by side

Before examining the different caskets available, we need to make sure that we know exactly what we are referring to when we use the term. While the word casket is often used interchangeably with coffin, there is an important difference between the two: a coffin is hexagonal or octagonal, while the casket is rectangular. Also, a casket often contains a split lid to view the body, while a coffin does not.

In the photo above, the two containers on the ends are coffins, while the one in the middle is a casket. Caskets are more prevalent in the U.S., while coffins have a long tradition of popularity in the U.K.

2. What Material Do You Want?

Casket with flowers on top next to rows of candles

Most caskets are made of wood or metal, but there are many other options, too! Here are a few of the most common materials for caskets:

Wood

High-cost materials: Mahogany, Walnut, and Cherry
Medium-cost materials: Oak, Birch, and Maple
Low-cost materials: Pine, Poplar, and Willow

Metal

Standard Steel: The least expensive type of metal casket available. Available in 20-gauge, 18-gauge, and 16-gauge. The term “gauge” refers to the thickness of the metal. The lower the gauge, the thicker the material.
Stainless Steel: More durable than standard steel and a little more expensive. Available in the same gauges as standard steel.
Copper and Bronze: Durable, high-quality metals, but far more expensive than steel. These metals have rust-resistant properties that steel lacks, but they will eventually oxidize and break down in a manner similar to rusting. Unlike steel caskets, they are measured by weight instead of gauge.

Eco-Friendly

light tan wicker pattern

Want to go green? You also have environmentally friendly options! Wicker caskets made from bamboo, willow, or seagrass are popular choices. Cardboard caskets are another option, and some can be decorated with a digitally printed design. You can also look into burial shrouds made of wool, cotton, linen, and silk. If you want to be environmentally conscious but desire a traditional wooden coffin, consider a coffin made from sustainably sourced wood.

However, if you want the burial to take place in a natural or green cemetery, ask them about their guidelines for green burial first. Some cemeteries have regulations about what burial containers are allowed.

Alternative Containers, Cremation Caskets, and Rental Caskets

If you opt for cremation, you may still want to decide on a casket or container to use. A cremation casket is a wooden casket that can be cremated with the body after the service. An alternative container, generally made of wood, cardboard, or fiberboard, is a cheaper option. If you want a ceremonial casket at the funeral, most funeral homes offer a rental casket for the service, which isn’t as weird as it sounds. Rental caskets include a place to insert the cremation container to be placed inside for the service. After the service, the cremation container is removed for cremation, offering the best of both worlds.

3. Should Your Casket Be Gasketed or Non-Gasketed?

light brown casket with flowers all over it

You may have heard people refer to certain metal caskets as “gasketed.” A gasketed casket, also known as a protective or sealer casket, is sealed with a rubber gasket to keep the elements from entering the casket. A non-gasketed or non-sealer casket doesn’t have a sealing system, but it still closes securely.

While a seal will protect the casket for a long time, it will not preserve it indefinitely. It simply keeps outside elements from entering the casket. Sometimes, a gasketed casket may be required, but talk to your funeral director or cemetery to learn about their guidelines.

4. Who Should You Talk to About Purchasing a Casket?

light tan half couch casket with one lid open

Visiting your local funeral home to browse their casket selection in person is a good idea. If you do, ask your funeral director to show you a list of available caskets before showing you the caskets they have in their showroom, so you can get a better idea of what options they have.

Make sure to ask to see a variety of caskets in different price ranges. Some customers buy the first casket they see and don’t review all the options. Don’t rush through the process of purchasing the casket. Get the full picture, explore all available options, and talk to your funeral director if you have any questions. Remember that the funeral director is there to help, and their experience can be beneficial.

5. Do You Need a Burial Vault or Grave Liner?

white metal casket sitting outside

Grave liners and burial vaults are outer burial containers that play an important structural role in maintaining level ground in a cemetery. Over time, caskets deteriorate, weighed down by six feet of earth and the heavy machinery used to maintain the cemetery grounds. When this happens, the ground sinks, leaving an uneven landscape in the cemetery.

To avoid this, caskets are usually placed in solid structures that can bear the weight of the earth, helping to maintain the integrity of the cemetery grounds. The grave liner or burial vault holds the casket solely for this purpose.

Though not required by law, most cemeteries require a burial vault or grave liner. However, green cemeteries and nature preserves generally do not. Talk to the cemetery you are considering to find out if you need an outer burial container.

As you select a casket, take time to learn about all the different options. Your funeral director can help you understand what choices are available to you. No matter what you choose, remember that there are plenty of ways to personalize the casket of your choice and make it unique to you or your loved one.

Jul 22

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How to Personalize the Location of a Funeral

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Personalization, Planning Tools

The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness?

You can choose music uniquely suited to your loved one’s interests. You could include readings or symbols or healing actions that are meaningful and tailored to your lost loved one’s preferences. Another way you can personalize the funeral is by choosing a location for the service that fits who they were as a person. Let’s discuss the possibilities.

First, Why Does Personalization Matter?

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected grief counselor and author, believes that personalizing the funeral is critical to honoring a loved one’s life and finding healing after loss. He says:

“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.”

In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!

How to Personalize the Location of a Funeral

Depending on what events you decide to include, you have many options for choosing a unique location. If you have a service, a visitation, and a gathering, you could choose separate places for each. For example, the visitation could take place at the funeral home, the service at your local church, and the gathering at your loved one’s Rotary Club, favorite restaurant, or wherever you wish.

The point of choosing a specific location is to add an extra element of meaningful personalization to the funeral, so it really feels like the best way to honor your loved one’s life.

Here are a few ideas for choosing a personalized location:

1. Choose a convenient place

Sometimes, the easiest and best option is to have the funeral or memorial service at the funeral home itself. Many funeral homes offer beautiful facilities and will let you decorate the room to reflect your loved one’s life. You could include photos, mementoes, cherished possessions, flowers, balloons, whatever seems to appropriately reflect your loved one’s hobbies and interests.

Alternatively, you could choose to host the service in your own or the deceased’s home. While this option is not as popular, it could be convenient for your family and would allow you to have the service in a comfortable environment.

2. Choose a place of worship

For those who are religious, having the service at a place of worship may be the best location for your loved one. Your funeral director will help you coordinate with a local church, synagogue, mosque, or other place of worship. And if it’s allowed, you could also add special touches to that location that will reflect your loved one’s unique life.

3. Choose a place related to their interests

Another option is to select a place that has special meaning to your loved one. If they coached little league, perhaps you could hold part of the ceremony at the local baseball diamond. If they were part of a gardening club, you might be able to host the ceremony at the rose garden. For those who loved the beach, ask friends and family to come to a memorial service at sunset. Again, chat with your funeral director about the options. The funeral home staff will do everything they legally can to make your wishes become reality.

4. Choose a place related to their professional career

For those deeply dedicated to their career or field of study, you could select a location that is significant to their achievements. For example, you could choose to bury a veteran in a national cemetery and have the service there. Or for a mariner, you could opt for a service and burial at sea. For those dedicated to teaching or the medical field, you could possibly hold a ceremony at their university, school, or hospital. While some professional spaces will be off-limits, you never know unless you ask.

No matter what you choose for the location of a funeral, make sure that you add other meaningful touches to the event. These special touches combined will make the service even more touching and healing.

Additional Personalization Resources

If you’d like more information about how to personalize the funeral, give these resources a quick read:

Jul 11

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Woman in black clothing holding a white rose; funeral and gathering

How to Personalize the Gathering at a Funeral

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals

The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can use the gathering to personalize a loved one’s final tribute and create funeral events that are truly special and meaningful.

First, Why Does Personalization Matter?

A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about the gathering and how including it after the funeral or memorial service can add beautiful options for creating meaningful moments.

How to Personalize the Gathering at a Funeral

The gathering is an opportunity for friends and family to come together after the funeral service to share stories and to support each other. It’s also the perfect time for personalization! The point of a gathering is to bring people together directly following the service to share stories, remember a loved one, and connect (or reconnect) with people. During times of grief, it’s essential to take time to support each other and swap stories about the beloved person who has died.

1. Choose a meaningful or convenient venue

When choosing the location of a gathering, you have many available options. You could have the gathering at your home, the deceased’s favorite restaurant, park, beach, or wherever you choose. Alternatively, if you’d prefer to keep things simple, many funeral homes offer event centers or gathering spaces that you can decorate to reflect your loved one’s life. This way, there’s no need for anyone to travel anywhere to attend the gathering. If you aren’t sure what to do or have questions, speak with your funeral director. They can help you understand your options.

2. Serve your loved one’s favorite foods

Most of the time, the gathering includes eating good food, seeing good people, and sharing good memories. To make the gathering more personalized, consider serving your loved one’s favorite foods.

That may mean catering from a local restaurant or asking everyone to bring a potluck dish. It could mean serving key lime pie with Pepsi on the side. Perhaps you should include a selection of beef jerky or a potato bar. Maybe your loved one was passionate about bread, so you could order pastries galore from the local bakery.

You know your loved one best – what foods brought them joy? Consider including those at the gathering in their memory.

3. Showcase memories from your loved one’s life

Depending on the venue you choose, you could have a lot of room for creativity. To add special, meaningful touches to the gathering, bring photographs and display them. Perhaps bring a few cherished possessions or mementoes. You could decorate the tables with centerpieces of your loved one’s favorite color, sports team, hobby, or whatever seems best.

The main point? Add elements to the gathering that reflect who your loved one was as a person. Without making it complicated, think about little touches that will make people think, “This would make Joe happy” or “Goodness, Maggie would just smile if she could see this” (insert your loved one’s name).

4. Give guests the opportunity to express their feelings

You can give guests the opportunity to express themselves in many ways. At the funeral service, you may have asked only a few people to give a eulogy, but at the gathering, you could open the floor to others to briefly share memories or sentiments about the person who has died. Alternatively, you could include note cards for people to write down memories. You could give away a remembrance token, like a printed photo of the person who has died or a postcard from their personal collection. There are a variety of options – the only limit is your imagination.

Questions to Help You Brainstorm

If personalization ideas aren’t already coming to mind, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm different ways you could customize the gathering.

Did your loved one have any hobbies or interests you could incorporate?
Is there a particular item or animal they loved?
Was there a book, movie, play, charity, etc., that they particularly enjoyed?
Do you want to give guests the opportunity to publicly share memories?
Is there a meaningful place or just somewhere that brought your loved one joy? And could you host the gathering there?

Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for finding ways to add meaningful touches to the gathering. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.

For more assistance with personalizing the funeral service or the gathering, check out these resources:

May 27

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How to Personalize Symbols at a Funeral

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Personalization, Planning Tools

The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can use symbols to personalize a loved one’s final tribute and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.

 First, Why Does Personalization Matter?

A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about symbols and their role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!

How to Personalize Symbols at a Funeral

Symbols are an important aspect of a funeral because they convey love and comfort, facilitate expression, and offer a focus point for the bereaved. Common symbols are an appropriate religious symbol, flowers, personal items, candles, or whatever feels best to honor your loved one.

1. Include appropriate religious symbols

For people of faith, consider including religious symbols at the service. At a Catholic or Protestant Christian funeral, this could mean placing the Bible or a cross in a prominent location. For Jewish funerals, perhaps you could include the Star of David or read meaningful passages from the Torah. Depending on the religion the person followed, there are many possible symbols to incorporate that would honor their beliefs. If the person whose life you want to celebrate wasn’t religious, check out How to Plan a Healing Funeral if You Are Not Religious.

2. Include cultural or traditional elements

Another possible source for symbols is cultural or traditional elements. For example, it’s customary in the United States to place the casket or urn in a place of prominence so that it will be the focal point of a service. Or you could have a funeral procession, which acts as a symbol of respect and final rest. Drape a flag over a veteran’s casket or urn. Also, consider including cultural elements. For example, in many Asian countries, white is the color of mourning. You may choose to include white flowers or white accents to honor that tradition.

3. Turn special items into symbols

If you’d like an even more personal option, you can turn special items into symbols. For one grieving family, an appropriate symbol was the quilts their grandmother made. Before her death, she made a quilt for every child and grandchild, and at her final tribute, the quilts were displayed on the pews – a representation of her love and impact on her family. You could use a prized record collection, personal artwork, or even bring their Harley-Davidson into the venue.

4. Invite guests to participate

If you’d like to add a much broader symbolic element to a loved one’s final tribute, consider inviting guests to participate. You could ask everyone to wear the deceased’s favorite color. If they were a Harry Potter or Star Wars fan, ask people to wear something in that theme. You could ask guests to bring in a favorite photo to add to a group collage set up near the casket or urn. There are so many ways to include others in adding meaningful symbolism to a funeral service.

Questions to Help You Brainstorm

If ideas aren’t coming to mind already, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what kinds of symbols you could include at a service.

Are there any traditional funeral elements that bring you comfort?
Is there a part of your cultural or religious background that should be included?
Did your loved one collect anything?
Was your loved one part of any groups that have recognizable symbols?
Did their choice of career include any symbols, such as a stethoscope for a doctor?

Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for choosing symbols that will not only personalize the funeral but add special meaning as well. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.