The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can use the gathering to personalize a loved one’s final tribute and create funeral events that are truly special and meaningful.
First, Why Does Personalization Matter?
“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.” – Dr. Alan Wolfelt
In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!
A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about the gathering and how including it after the funeral or memorial service can add beautiful options for creating meaningful moments.
How to Personalize the Gathering at a Funeral
The gathering is an opportunity for friends and family to come together after the funeral service to share stories and to support each other. It’s also the perfect time for personalization! The point of a gathering is to bring people together directly following the service to share stories, remember a loved one, and connect (or reconnect) with people. During times of grief, it’s essential to take time to support each other and swap stories about the beloved person who has died.
1. Choose a meaningful or convenient venue
When choosing the location of a gathering, you have many available options. You could have the gathering at your home, the deceased’s favorite restaurant, park, beach, or wherever you choose. Alternatively, if you’d prefer to keep things simple, many funeral homes offer event centers or gathering spaces that you can decorate to reflect your loved one’s life. This way, there’s no need for anyone to travel anywhere to attend the gathering. If you aren’t sure what to do or have questions, speak with your funeral director. They can help you understand your options.
2. Serve your loved one’s favorite foods
Most of the time, the gathering includes eating good food, seeing good people, and sharing good memories. To make the gathering more personalized, consider serving your loved one’s favorite foods.
That may mean catering from a local restaurant or asking everyone to bring a potluck dish. It could mean serving key lime pie with Pepsi on the side. Perhaps you should include a selection of beef jerky or a potato bar. Maybe your loved one was passionate about bread, so you could order pastries galore from the local bakery.
You know your loved one best – what foods brought them joy? Consider including those at the gathering in their memory.
3. Showcase memories from your loved one’s life
Depending on the venue you choose, you could have a lot of room for creativity. To add special, meaningful touches to the gathering, bring photographs and display them. Perhaps bring a few cherished possessions or mementoes. You could decorate the tables with centerpieces of your loved one’s favorite color, sports team, hobby, or whatever seems best.
The main point? Add elements to the gathering that reflect who your loved one was as a person. Without making it complicated, think about little touches that will make people think, “This would make Joe happy” or “Goodness, Maggie would just smile if she could see this” (insert your loved one’s name).
4. Give guests the opportunity to express their feelings
You can give guests the opportunity to express themselves in many ways. At the funeral service, you may have asked only a few people to give a eulogy, but at the gathering, you could open the floor to others to briefly share memories or sentiments about the person who has died. Alternatively, you could include note cards for people to write down memories. You could give away a remembrance token, like a printed photo of the person who has died or a postcard from their personal collection. There are a variety of options – the only limit is your imagination.
Questions to Help You Brainstorm
If personalization ideas aren’t already coming to mind, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm different ways you could customize the gathering.
- Did your loved one have any hobbies or interests you could incorporate?
- Is there a particular item or animal they loved?
- Was there a book, movie, play, charity, etc., that they particularly enjoyed?
- Do you want to give guests the opportunity to publicly share memories?
- Is there a meaningful place or just somewhere that brought your loved one joy? And could you host the gathering there?
Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for finding ways to add meaningful touches to the gathering. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.
For more assistance with personalizing the funeral service or the gathering, check out these resources:
