christy.kessler, Author at Funeral Basics

Jun 29

Heart stone that says "In Loving Memory" surrounded by bright pink flowers

5 Reasons to Establish a Permanent Memorial

By christy.kessler Cemeteries, Explore Options, Memorial, Planning Tools

When you lose someone you love, your feeling of connection to them continues, even though they are no longer with you physically. This connection contributes to your feelings of loss and makes it so difficult to process death and move toward healing and reconciliation. In some ways, you may feel both connected and disconnected to your loved one at the same time. But did you know that a permanent memorial can help?

Heart stone that says "In Loving Memory" surrounded by bright pink flowers

With cremation, it’s especially important to consider a permanent memorial. Some people choose to keep a loved one’s ashes at home, and for a time, that’s perfectly alright. But it’s not a long-term solution.

So, let’s discuss 5 reasons why you should consider establishing a permanent memorial for a loved one and how it can help you on the grief journey.

1. Permanent memorials provide a place for people to mourn.

When you create a permanent memorial, you provide a public place where anyone can go to mourn. If you choose cremation and one person keeps the cremated remains in their home, it may be difficult for other family members to access the ashes when they want to simply say hello or share a piece of news.

With a permanent memorial in place, everyone has access without feeling the need to inconvenience anyone else. You could choose a traditional grave, a cremation niche, placement in a mausoleum, or whatever else makes sense for your family.

Whether you want to visit your loved one on their birthday or every Sunday like clockwork, you can. The permanent memorial is public and available at any time. Because everyone grieves in different ways and at different rates, a specific place is beneficial for individual grief journeys.

2. Permanent memorials give all mourners (not just family) access to pay their respects.

Over their lifetime, many people came to know and care about your loved one. Because grief touches more than family members, a permanent memorial also provides an established location for non-family members to mourn.

For example, if your loved one’s best friend wants to connect with them, to talk with them, they may have no place to go where they feel as strong a connection as a permanent memorial would provide. As human beings, we all need time to remember and to honor the life of someone loved. A permanent memorial gives everyone access to say their goodbyes in their own time and in their own way.

3. Permanent memorials create a permanent place that will exist for generations to come.

Cemeteries, mausoleums, and cremation gardens will exist for many years to come. In fact, the oldest maintained cemetery in the United States is in Massachusetts, and it dates back to 1656! Some of its residents were voyagers on the Mayflower.

In recent years, more and more people have shown great interest in their ancestry, and because of this curiosity, cemeteries receive visitors consistently. Even centuries after a person dies, the cemetery provides a permanent place for families to reconnect with their ancestors and find an identity they hadn’t known existed.

4. Permanent memorials are practical for the family.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected author, speaker, and grief expert, tells us that establishing a permanent memorial is a practical choice for the family. “Families can rest easy knowing that the cremated remains [of their loved one] are being taken care of in perpetuity. …Having to pass along urns to the next generation or amassing more and more urns on a shelf…is not a viable long-term solution.”

And unfortunately, there’s evidence that cremated remains are at some risk if they are kept at home permanently. The ashes may be misplaced, accidentally knocked over and spilled, or even found in the trash or unknowingly donated to thrift stores. By opting for a permanent memorial and final resting place, you ensure that your loved one is in a place of honor and respect in perpetuity.

5. Permanent memorials ensure respect for the dead.

Keeping the cremated remains of a loved one at home can be an important part of the healing process. It all depends on what the mourner needs. But, out of respect for the person who has died, to ensure that nothing unfortunate happens to them when you are gone, it’s best to consider how you can permanently memorialize them.

Dr. Wolfelt puts it this way, “It’s about respect for the dying and the dead. Permanent memorialization is one of the most important ways in which we as a culture can ensure that respect [is carried out] ….”

While it’s perfectly fine to wait to set up a permanent memorial, consider the benefits of giving your loved one a place of final rest. It may be three, five, or even ten years down the road. That’s fine! But don’t forget – you won’t always be around, and your loved one’s ashes need to be cared for long after you’re gone. By establishing a permanent memorial, you can honor a loved one’s life, respect their physical remains, and ensure that everyone – family members and friends alike – has the opportunity to grieve and heal.

Additional Resources

Permanent Placement Options for Cremated Remains

Urn Burial: Understanding the Basics

What Should I Know When Considering Cremation?

Jun 11

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Readings for a Veteran’s Funeral

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Veterans

When you’re personalizing a beloved veteran’s final tribute, consider using readings to bring much-deserved attention to their years of service and sacrifice. The readings you choose can complement any remarks made by service buddies, family, and friends. Similarly, you can pair the readings with meaningful music to create a truly one-of-a-kind send-off that strikes the balance between your loved one’s personal life and their time as a servicemember.

While you can use whatever readings you prefer, here are a few ideas to get you started!

Include the Service Branch’s Creed

First of all, consider including a reading of your veteran’s branch creed. In many ways, the creed encapsulates and expresses the values and principles of each branch as well as showcasing your veteran’s commitment and readiness to serve.

The Rifleman’s Creed (U.S. Marine Corps)
Sailor’s Creed (U.S. Navy)
Soldier’s Creed (U.S. Army)
Airman’s Creed (U.S. Air Force)

Read Aloud the Branch’s March Song

Another way you can personalize the readings at a veteran’s funeral is to read aloud the words of the service branch’s march song. Because march song are deeply rooted in history and tradition, they can create a sense of unity, discipline, and resilience. Reading the cherished words can be the perfect way to honor your veteran at their final send-off.

Marine’s Hymn (U.S. Marine Corps)
Anchors Aweigh (U.S. Navy)
The Army Goes Rolling Along (U.S. Army)
Wild Blue Yonder (U.S. Air Force)

Choose a Poem that Highlights the Values of Military Service

Poetry is a beautiful avenue for emotional expression, personal reflection, and human connection. Sometimes, we see our own personal thoughts and sentiments written in a way that deeply resonates. To honor your veteran, you could choose a meaningful poem (or multiple poems) that highlights their legacy of duty and honor. Here are 5 examples to get you started.

“Soldier’s Rest” (Unknown)

A soldier’s rest, beneath the sky so wide,
Their duty done, their honor as their guide.
Through fields of war, they marched with pride,
For freedom’s cause, they stood side by side.
Now in the heavens, they’ve found their peace,
Their battle scars have found release.
The bugle plays a final note,
Their legacy in every throat.

“Still A Soldier” (Timothy Emmons)

I lay here today a soldier
I know some don’t understand
I will try to explain
So maybe you can
I served my country
For many a year
I retired long ago
The soldier still here
I put on my uniform
I wore it to foreign lands
The soldier I was
Is still in the man
I have been a husband, father, and friend
To some of you here
But I’ve been a soldier all along
Even after so many a year
My final salute
I render today
I’m still a soldier
I’m just on my way.

“Eternal Guard” (Unknown)

An eternal guard in heavens so vast,
A veteran’s soul, their duty cast.
They served with valor, heart so true,
For colors red, and white, and blue.
Now angels watch where they reside,
Their courage lives, it never died.
The nation mourns, yet holds them near,
A hero’s light that knows no fear.

“We Remember Them” (Rabbis Sylvan Kamens and Jack Riemer)

At the rising of the sun and at its going down
We remember them.

At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter
We remember them.

At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring
We remember them.

At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer
We remember them.

At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn
We remember them.

At the beginning of the year and when it ends
We remember them.

As long as we live, they too will live;
for they are now a part of us

as we remember them.
When we are weary and in need of strength

We remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart

We remember them.
When we have joy we crave to share

We remember them.
When we have decisions that are difficult to make

We remember them.
When we have achievements that are based on theirs

We remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live;

for they are now a part of us
as we remember them.

“Bury Me with Soldiers” (Rev. Charles R. Fink)

I’ve played a lot of roles in life;
I’ve met a lot of men.
I’ve done some things I’d like to think
I wouldn’t do again
And though I’m young, I’m old enough
To know someday I’ll die.
And think about what lies beyond, And
Besides whom I would lie.

Perhaps it doesn’t matter much;
Still if I had my choice,
I’d want a grave amongst soldiers when
At last death quells my voice
I’m sick of the hypocrisy
Of lectures by the wise
I’ll take the man with all his flaws
Who goes, though scared, and dies.

The troops I know were commonplace;
They didn’t want the war
They fought because their fathers and
Their father’s fathers had before.
They cursed and killed and wept –
God knows they’re easy to deride –
But bury me with men like these;
They faced the guns and died.

It’s funny when you think of it,
The way we got along.
We’d come from different worlds
To live in one, where no one belongs
I didn’t even like them all and,
I’m sure they’d all agree.
Yet, I would give my life for them,
I hope. Some would for me.

So bury me with soldiers, please
Though much maligned they be
Yes, bury me with soldiers, for
I miss their company.
We will not soon see their like again
We’ve had our fill of war.
But, bury me with men like them
Till someone else does more!

Select a Bible Verse that Focuses on Service and Sacrifice

If you are a family rooted in the Christian faith, then you might consider selecting a Bible verse that focuses on your veteran’s values. By choosing to join the Armed Forces, your veteran decided to put others’ safety above their own and serve a cause greater than themselves. There are many Bible verses that capture this attitude and could add greater depth to a loved one’s final tribute.

Here are a few to consider:

John 15:13: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
2 Timothy 4:7: “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”
Joshua 1:9: “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Philippians 2:3-4: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Isaiah 41:10: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Psalm 18:2: “The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

However, if you follow a different religion, the same principle applies. Consider reading passages from your holy book that express the values of kindness, service, and commitment to others.

Older man in uniform standing and facing an American flag

What’s Next?

Hopefully these examples have sparked some ideas in you! Or perhaps, one of them felt like the right choice to honor your veteran’s life. On the other hand, if none of them spoke to you, that’s okay. There are so many other poems, scriptures, and readings out there that can properly honor and celebrate your veteran’s life.

If you’d like some assistance, consider chatting with your trusted funeral director. They can brainstorm additional ideas for creating a personalized and meaningful final tribute that honors your veteran’s service, sacrifice, and commitment to duty and peace.

Also, read “20 Ideas for Personalizing a Veteran’s Final Tribute” for more suggestions!

Jun 10

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Senior woman sitting on couch and smiling up at adult daughter

How to Share Your Funeral Plan with Family in 7 Easy Steps

By christy.kessler Estate Planning, Plan Ahead

If you’ve decided to preplan your funeral, you are giving your family a true gift. Not only is preplanning an expression of your great love, but it also puts everyone’s minds at ease, knowing that all the details have been taken care of. While the decision to preplan may have been easy to make, it can be harder to tell family about it. Today, let’s talk about 7 easy steps to sharing your funeral plans and helping your family understand the benefits.

7 Easy Steps to Sharing Your Funeral Plans with Family

The time and method of sharing your funeral plans is entirely up to you. You can chat over the phone or in person, whatever works best for your family.

Before you begin, prepare yourself for some possible pushback. Some people shy away from talking about death and anything related to it. Your children or relatives may try to brush the topic aside or protest that they will take care of everything. If that happens, tell them firmly but kindly that you have specific wishes that you want them to know.

1. Start off by talking about your health

When possible, it’s best to have this conversation when you are in good health. If you are in good health, reassure your children that everything is fine and that you are just thinking ahead. Perhaps mention that you’d rather have this discussion now than when you are ill. On the other hand, if you are already fighting an illness, let them know that you are thinking about what’s best for them. Explain that you want to do this because you love them.

2. Acknowledge that the conversation isn’t easy

Let them know that you don’t take this conversation lightly. Share with them how you have thoughtfully considered the best way to impart this information. Acknowledge that the topic isn’t easy for you either, but you want to ensure they know what to do after you’re gone. You want to make things as straightforward and simple for them as possible.

3. Share why you preplanned your funeral

Highlight the reasons why you decided to preplan your funeral. Perhaps you wanted to ease some of the decision-making burdens they will feel when the time comes. Or you wanted to have some sense of control over what your final disposition will be.

It could also be that you want to save money and pay for the funeral costs over time rather than have the burden fall on your children. Or you want to protect your family from emotional overspending by ensuring they don’t pay for unnecessary merchandise. No matter your motivation, speak from the heart and share your personal “why” behind planning ahead.

4. Present your plan

Make sure that you’ve written a comprehensive plan before you share it with your family. Your relatives may have ideas that are different from yours, and you need to know which items are non-negotiable so that you can stand your ground, if necessary. Don’t feel the need to expound on every small detail of the plan. Just make sure they know your wishes and which funeral home you are partnering with.

5. Ask if there’s anything they’d like to contribute or include

While the funeral honors the dead, it’s a healing balm for the living. If you’d like to invite your family to make suggestions, feel free to do so.

Your relatives may have creative ideas to share that will enhance your plans. Or there may be something you haven’t thought of that will be particularly meaningful to them if it’s included in the service. For example, your child who plays the violin may want to perform one of your favorite songs. Or your artistic sibling may want to put together a decorative collage of your growing up years together.

There’s value in understanding what will help others heal and incorporating those details into the service. You, of course, maintain all veto powers! Not every idea is a good idea, and it’s okay to set boundaries.

6. Answer their questions

It’s natural to have questions. Let your family ask theirs and listen to what’s on their hearts and minds. Be willing to change a few things on your funeral plan. If their responses seem negative, try to understand the fear that is motivating them, and address that fear directly. It is hard to face the reality of death, even if it’s far distant. But if you are committed to preplanning and ensuring that everything is taken care of for your family’s benefit, then the hard conversations have to happen.

7. Reassure them

As your conversation draws to a close, remind your family how much you love them. Reiterate that you have created a plan that you hope will bring them peace and comfort when you cannot physically be with them. As you end the discussion, reassure everyone that this is an ongoing conversation. If they have questions or concerns later, you are open to discussing this topic as much as they would like.

Group of senior adults talking together

Hopefully these 7 steps will help you successfully navigate the preplanning conversation with your family. Even if they aren’t enthusiastic about hearing that you’ve made funeral plans, in the end, they will be grateful that you are thinking ahead. If you haven’t already, make sure to finalize your funeral plans with your chosen funeral home and consider the benefits of pre-paying. Check out the resources below for more helpful information!

Jun 10

Love1

Woman in striped sweater writing a list in a journal

6 Things Your Emergency Contacts Need to Know

By christy.kessler Estate Planning, Plan Ahead

All kinds of documents require that you list an emergency contact. But why? Because the unexpected happens, and at some point, you’re going to need a trustworthy person to represent you when you can’t do it yourself.

Most of the time, an emergency contact is a close friend or family member, and they may already be somewhat familiar with your wishes and preferences. But to be most effective, there are 6 things you should discuss with your emergency contacts. The more information they have, the more able they are to support your wishes and make decisions on your behalf. Let’s talk about it!

1. The Location of Your Legal Documents and Insurance Policies

Your emergency contacts need to know where to find important documents like your legal will, birth and marriage certificates, deeds, titles, insurance policies, powers of attorney documents, health care directives, funeral planning documents, and records of creditors and assets, including digital assets and passwords.

If you’re using a safe for your documents, share the combination with your emergency contacts. You could also opt for a safe deposit box and coordinate with the bank to give your emergency contacts access. As an alternative, you might consider purchasing a watertight, fire-proof, easily transportable container. This way, your documents are safe and transportable if there’s a fire, flood, or some other unexpected event.

2. The Terms of Your Will and Trusts

Sit down with your emergency contact and go over your legal will. This includes your wishes for the distribution of your assets, heirlooms, furniture, and keepsakes.

To ensure your wishes are honored, include as many details in the will as possible and appoint a trusted executor. If there are any belongings or assets that are not directly addressed in the will, it’s best to update your will to include them.

Additionally, you may also wish to set up financial trusts to provide for your children or grandchildren. Consider appointing one of your emergency contacts as trustee and discussing the terms of those trusts.

3. Your Wishes for Medical Care

If you have specific wishes regarding your medical care, it’s best to outline those wishes with an advance care directive and discuss your choices with your emergency contacts. Advance care directives are documents that will protect you in case you are incapacitated and/or unable to make medical decisions for yourself. They will clearly outline your wishes for medical treatment and life-saving measures. You can learn more by reading “Understanding the Living Will & Why It Matters.”

4. Allergies and Blood Type

If you have allergies to food or medications, your emergency contacts should know so they can alert medical professionals if you are unable to do so. It is also a good idea to provide your emergency contacts with a record of your blood type in case of emergency.

5. The Care of Your Dependents and Pets

If you are responsible for children or pets, talk with your emergency contacts about their care. Let your emergency contacts know whom you name as the children’s guardian and how you’ve set up any insurance policy benefits, 401(k) funds, or other assets to provide financially for your children.

For pets, identify a friend or family member who can take in your furry (or non-furry) friends and provide a loving home. You can write down any pertinent details for your pets’ care and ask your emergency contact to pass the information along.

6. Your Funeral Wishes and Plans

One way you can love and protect your loved ones is by putting together a healing and meaningful funeral plan. By making the decisions now, you can ensure that your family doesn’t have to make hard decisions at an emotional time.

The best way to preplan is with a licensed funeral director at your trusted funeral home. They can review your options and ensure that your plan is practical, legal, within your budget, and healing for your grieving family.

Give your emergency contacts a copy of your funeral plans and keep a copy on file at the funeral home of your choice.

IMPORTANT: After prearranging your funeral, it is essential to share your plans with your family and emergency contacts. If you don’t, you run the risk that your family will never learn about your plans and may spend more money than you would have preferred. On top of that, if you’ve prepaid for your funeral and no one knows, your family may go to a different funeral home and pay for everything out of their own pocket. If this happens, the amount you’ve already paid toward your funeral may go to the state’s unclaimed property office. While the state will continue to try to contact your family, this may take years and is subject to state laws. To avoid this possibility, it’s best to share your plans.

What Next?

For a complete list of information your emergency contacts need to know, download this helpful checklist: What Your Emergency Contacts Should Know. By gathering all these documents, you are taking the first steps to getting your affairs in order. While the process takes time, it removes a lot of confusion and uncertainty. When your wishes are clear and understandable, your family can make decisions with confidence. As needed, consult trusted professionals, such as an estate planning attorney and your local funeral director. In the end, you will be glad you did!

DISCLAIMER: Individual circumstances and state laws vary, so any estate planning should only be undertaken with the help and assistance of an attorney licensed in your state.

May 26

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Funeral Celebrants: How Can They Help Your Family?

By christy.kessler Educational, Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Planning Tools

When you’re planning a final tribute for a loved one, you don’t want the last words spoken over them to be hollow, empty, or insincere. Instead, the words should be real, kind, true, and an accurate reflection of who they were as a person. A funeral celebrant can help you create a beautiful send-off that feels personal, meaningful, and genuine.

But what is a funeral celebrant, and how can they help? Let’s talk about it.

What is a Funeral Celebrant?

A funeral celebrant leads and officiates a funeral or memorial service, religious or non-religious, helping create a personalized and meaningful ceremony for the person who has died. In the United States, a funeral celebrant is often not a member of the clergy, but they can be.

Their main role is to tell a story – the story of your loved one’s life. The service is about remembrance and celebration, heartache and joy. The celebrant will work closely with you to tailor the services to meet your needs and wishes, honoring your loved one’s life and personality.

They are skilled public speakers who adapt and adjust to your family’s requests. Whether it’s a solemn occasion requiring decorum and poise or a joyous celebration calling for an inspirational and cheerful tone, a funeral celebrant can strike the right balance.

A celebrant can be particularly helpful for families who are non-religious. For those who regularly attend a place of worship, a clergy member is often available to officiate the service (if you wish), but for those who are non-religious, a funeral celebrant can fill the role.

How Can a Funeral Celebrant Help You?

While the funeral director coordinates all the service details, they don’t prepare the actual program for the event or officiate. The order of events and what’s included in the service are up to the family. This is where the celebrant can step in and become a huge help.

Here are several ways that the funeral celebrant can help you before, during, and after a loved one’s service:

Learn about your loved one so they can prepare personalized remarks
Help to plan the order of service, if you wish
Suggest and coordinate readings, music, poems, or hymns
Write and deliver a personalized eulogy (based on stories you shared)
Keep you informed, so you never feel left out or overwhelmed
Ensure that the program moves smoothly from one speaker to the next
Provide logistical and emotional support throughout the planning process
Keep the event on track while staying sensitive and adapting as needed
Provide feedback to family or friends who’d like to speak at the funeral
Coordinate with the funeral home staff and other service providers as needed
Lead the ceremony with warmth, sensitivity, and kindness
Conduct the graveside service, if you wish

Planning and hosting a funeral may feel overwhelming when you’re processing and grieving a loss. The celebrant can step in and act as both storyteller and organizer, ensuring that your wishes for the service come to pass with attention to detail and authenticity.

What Should I Expect When Meeting with a Celebrant?

Once you’ve decided to use a celebrant, they will contact you for a chat, either in person or via video or phone call. If you wish to meet in person, they can come to your home or you can meet at an agreed-upon location.

When you meet the celebrant, they should put you at ease right away. They will ask questions about your loved one’s life, values, and personality because they want to understand who they were. By listening to your stories and memories, the celebrant can craft their words and presentation to reflect your loved one’s life.

If you wish, the celebrant can also discuss options for the funeral service and offer suggestions to help you personalize the service even more. Throughout it all, they will provide emotional and logistical support as you make choices that are best for your family and honor your loved one’s life.

What Questions Should I Ask the Funeral Celebrant?

While the celebrant will ask you many questions during your time together, you can also ask questions to get to know the celebrant and learn more how they work. It’s important that you work well together, and a few questions can help you determine whether your personalities and practices are compatible.

Here are a few questions you might consider asking:

How long have you been practicing as a funeral celebrant?
What is your training and experience?
Can you provide testimonials or references?
What process do you follow on the day of the funeral?
What do you do when something goes wrong at the funeral?
Do you have any specific ideas or themes in mind for the funeral service?
How will you help us create a service that reflects the personality of our loved one?
How much do you charge for your services?
Are you comfortable working with both religious and non-religious families?
Do you have experience working with families from different cultures or religions?

What’s the Difference Between a Celebrant and a Funeral Director?

While the roles overlap in some duties, they are distinct and separate.

Celebrant

A celebrant serves as a storyteller, guide, writer, speaker, and master of ceremonies. They conduct religious or non-religious services, depending on the religion’s requirements. Their main role is to lead and direct any final services and ensure everything runs smoothly while you honor and remember a loved one. They do not assist with anything related to the burial or cremation (unless they are also a trained funeral director).

Funeral Director

A funeral director is trained to support grieving families by coordinating every aspect of burial or cremation, including preparation of the body, working with the cemetery, securing permits, and filing for a death certificate. They also assist with third-party services (such as florists) and with planning final services like coordinating the viewing, funeral or memorial service, or graveside service. They do not lead or conduct the final tribute or any other remembrance events.

Do I Need a Funeral Celebrant?

You do not specifically need a celebrant, but you DO need someone to lead the service. You may ask a friend, family member, or clergy person to officiate. Celebrants are simply another option. They can be especially helpful if you don’t have a clergy person in mind or if family and friends don’t feel up to leading the service. No matter who you choose – clergy, family, friend, celebrant – always select the person who best fits your family’s needs and can meaningfully honor your loved one’s life.

How Much Do Celebrants Cost?

Celebrant fees vary, but compensation or an honorarium is expected. Ask the funeral home for a recommendation or rely on the funeral director to engage a celebrant’s services on your behalf. Once a celebrant is selected, discuss fee expectations. If the celebrant is familiar to the funeral home, the funeral director can share the celebrant’s typical rates.

Hopefully, you now have a better and deeper understanding of the funeral celebrant and the value their services can bring to you and your family. If you have more questions about celebrants or would like to meet with one locally, contact your trusted funeral home. They can point you in the right direction and help you find a celebrant who will help you honor your loved one’s life in a way that feels right and good.

May 15

Love0

Woman resting arms on her father's shoulders

Dealing With Grief on Father’s Day

By christy.kessler Exclude from Top Posts, Grief/Loss, Seasonal

Grief is hard any day of the year, but the special and significant days can be some of the most difficult. For some, Father’s Day is one of those particularly painful days. Whether you are a child who has lost your father or a father who has lost your child, you may find yourself dreading the third Sunday in June. As Father’s Day approaches, here are a few suggestions to help you turn a rough day into an opportunity to honor your loved one’s memory in a special way.

Participate in a remembrance activity

Person sitting on couch at home, holding remote, with popcorn and a drink on a table in front

One way to process your emotions in a healthy way is to participate in a remembrance activity that reminds you of your father or child. Remembrance is an important part of the grieving process. By remembering, you forge a path forward in the work of grieving and pay tribute to your loved one. For example, you could watch a favorite movie, listen to a favorite song, or go to a favorite location. Father’s Day will still be difficult, but by engaging in a meaningful activity, you can give the day significance.

Make time for solitude

Woman sitting at home with a cup of tea and a book

In the busyness of the day, carve out time for peace and quiet. Your emotions may be closer to the surface and feel stronger than usual. If that’s the case, listen to your mental, emotional, and physical cues. Take a nap, sit alone, journal, go for a walk, or read. Take time to reflect on cherished memories and indulge in a moment of peace. You are going through a difficult and life-changing loss; give yourself extra grace and find moments to rest, relax, and release the stresses of the day.

Talk to someone about how you’re feeling

Father and son sitting on a couch in a bright room and talking

When life is hard, it’s important to surround yourself with people who love you and will support you. If you’re grieving the loss of a father or child, Father’s Day is going to bring out some strong emotions within you. Consider chatting with someone about what you’re feeling and share the load of your grief. If you don’t have anybody you can talk to, consider speaking with a grief therapist or joining a local grief support group. Having somebody listen and offer sympathy for your loss is enormously beneficial for your grief journey.

Write about your experience

Man sitting in bed and writing in a journal

For some, it’s easier to write than to talk because writing gives you extra time to organize your thoughts. If that’s you, pour out your feelings on paper or on the computer, and be honest about everything you’re feeling. In the end, you may want to keep your thoughts private and write only for the therapeutic value of expressing yourself. But if you feel up to it, share your written words with people who are close to you. Don’t worry about “bringing other people down.” Those who care about you want to know how you’re feeling.

Honor other fathers in your life

Father and adult son hugging each other

Do you have a mentor or a surrogate father in your life? Maybe it’s an uncle, grandfather, spiritual leader, coach, teacher, or family friend who stepped in and became like a father to you. Even something as simple as sending a thank you card or text can bring comfort and help you honor the men who stepped up in your life. Try thinking of all the “fathers” who have been there for you over the years and send each one a personal thank you sharing how much you appreciate their love, support, and words of wisdom.

Some Final Thoughts

For those who have lost a father

If you are missing your dad this Father’s Day, focus on what he meant to you and what you learned from him. You could take flowers to his final resting place. Write him a letter to share recent news or what’s on your heart. Select your favorite picture of him and create a custom blanket. There are so many ways that you can honor your dad’s memory.

On the other hand, if memories of your father are more negative, consider focusing on forgiveness. Write out the painful thoughts and memories that come to mind. Then, go through the list one by one, acknowledge how it makes you feel, and actively forgive your father’s role in that hurt. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what happened was okay; it means that you refuse to live under its shadow and want to release its power over you. The death of someone who hurt you doesn’t take away the hurt. You still need to work through the painful spoken words and memories for your own emotional wellness. And because hurt and trauma can be complex, it can take time to process it all, and you may want to work with a therapist who can help you navigate the journey.

For those who have lost a child

If you are grieving the loss of a child this Father’s Day, focus on what your child brought to your life and how their presence impacted you. Visit their final resting place or write a letter to tell them how you feel about them, what you miss about them, and what your hopes and dreams were for them. Perhaps your entire family could sit down to share memories and support each other with hugs and kind words.

Also, after the loss of a child, many parents struggle with feelings of guilt or anger. If that’s you, you’re not alone, and it’s natural to feel this way. Whether you could have done something differently or not, it’s essential to work toward forgiving yourself. Read “Dealing with Guilt After Child Loss” to learn helpful information about experiencing parental guilt and how to navigate it.

Hopefully these suggestions will help you navigate your way through Father’s Day this year. And if any of these suggestions worked well for you, continue to do them throughout the year. While the grief of losing someone never fully goes away, you can learn how to move forward and take your precious loved one’s memory with you.

May 01

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Sad, female child sitting in front of a military tombstone

Ways to Honor our Fallen Heroes on Memorial Day

By christy.kessler Exclude from Top Posts, Memorial, Seasonal, Veterans

Many Americans celebrate Memorial Day with hot dogs, family gatherings, and a relaxing three-day weekend. While there’s nothing wrong with these contemporary rituals, let’s not forget the intent behind the day: to remember the many American servicemen and servicewomen who have died to keep our country safe and protected. Today, as we honor them, let’s talk about the history of Memorial Day and how you can give back to the many families currently serving our nation.

History of Memorial Day

There is some disagreement as to the true birthplace of Memorial Day. Of course, humans have used ceremony to honor those who have died in battle for hundreds, possibly thousands, of years. However, the most prevalent theory on the roots of the American holiday dates back to 1868, when Major Gen. John A. Logan designated May 30^th as Decoration Day, a day on which the graves of Civil War soldiers would be commemorated.

Other stories place the holiday’s origins in Charleston, SC, Waterloo, NY, or Columbus, GA, around a similar time. No matter where it started, it’s safe to say that in the aftermath of the Civil War, which caused more American deaths than any other armed conflict, many people in various places were looking for ways to honor those who died in combat. But it wasn’t until 1971, more than a century later, that Memorial Day became an official holiday that was marked by the last Monday of May.

5 Ways to Honor the Fallen

While it’s perfectly fine to usher in the summer season with cookouts and kicking back at the pool, we should also remember that Memorial Day is about so much more.

There are many ways you can honor our nation’s fallen heroes. You could take a few moments of silence to reflect and appreciate the freedoms we enjoy or visit one of the country’s many national cemeteries. But if you’d like to take your remembrance a step further this year, one of the best ways to honor those who have died is to serve the living in their name.

Below, you will find several organizations that actively support those who are currently serving our nation. Partnering with these groups will serve as a beautiful tribute to the servicemembers who have died in service to our nation.

1. Donate to Help Grieving Families

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) provides care for families who are grieving the loss of a veteran or active-duty member of the Armed Forces. They provide around-the-clock support and resources to grieving family members. Through their Good Grief camps and Survivor’s Seminars, TAPS helps loved ones process their grief and gives them the tools they need to make it through a difficult time. Widows and widowers, parents, siblings, and children have all benefited from the extraordinary work that TAPS does. Consider donating to this organization to make a difference in the life of someone who is grieving.

2. Donate to Help the Children of Fallen Patriots

Children of Fallen Patriots is dedicated to looking after the children of soldiers who have died in service. They provide scholarships, educational assistance, and career support. Their work ensures that children receive the educational opportunities they need to thrive. Donating to this organization is a great way to honor the memory of servicemembers who have died during military service and to ensure that their loved ones receive the proper care and attention.

3. Donate to Help Injured Veterans

Wounded Warrior Project provides free aid in the form of mental and physical health services, benefits advice, and career counseling to veterans who were wounded post-9/11. Through free programs and events, they offer a helping hand and work to increase veterans’ quality of life after injury. They also provide support to the concerned families of wounded veterans and offer programs to help them walk through a difficult period of life with their loved ones. Start a fundraiser or donate personally to ensure that this charity continues to do great work.

4. Volunteer to Provide Yard Care

Project EverGreen provides lawn services to the families of soldiers who are currently deployed. They mow, trim, and fertilize lawns. Snow and ice removal services are also available. Project EverGreen also partners with “I Want to Mow Your Lawn” to provide lawn services for disabled and 65+ veterans. You can sign up to volunteer in any state. By taking some time out of your day to work up a little sweat, you could be an enormous help to active-duty service members, veterans, and their families.

5. Send a Care Package

Operation Gratitude sends care packages to veterans and active-duty service members. Care packages remind current and former members of our Armed Forces that we haven’t forgotten the sacrifices that they’ve made. You can donate to the cost of materials for care packages. Alternatively, you can contact Operation Gratitude directly to ask about other volunteer opportunities.

Other Organizations to Consider

It would take quite some time to discuss every organization you could partner with. Click the links below to learn about additional charities to honor, remember, and assist military members and their families.

Wreaths Across America (places Christmas wreaths on military graves)
K9s for Warriors (pairs suffering veterans with a service dog)
Fisher House (provides a temporary home while a loved one is in hospital)
Semper Fi & America’s Fund (cares for the critically wounded, ill, and injured)
Operation Homefront (provides critical financial support to military families)
Gary Sinise Foundation (focuses on a wide variety of needs)
USO (connects service members around the world to strengthen well-being)
Homes for Our Troops (builds custom homes for severely injured veterans)

This is far from an exhaustive list. If you know of another organization that honors veterans and/or service members, consider donating to it. Let this Memorial Day be a catalyst for action and an opportunity to do a little something for those who have done so much for us.

Apr 21

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Officiant reading from book at graveside service

10 Funeral Costs That Are Often Overlooked

By christy.kessler Educational, Plan Ahead, Planning Tools

Every funeral is different, which means the cost can vary widely. While funeral homes provide clear pricing for their services through the General Price List, funerals often require additional services that can only be supplied by a third party. Because these items are provided by an outside entity, the pricing isn’t up to the funeral home. However, the funeral home staff know what to do and can ensure these services aren’t overlooked!

Today, let’s talk about 9 third-party funeral costs that are often overlooked but can be essential to creating a meaningful final tribute for a loved one.

1. Cemetery and Monument Charges

Whether you choose burial or cremation, you will likely need to consider cemetery costs in your plans. Cemetery charges would include the cost of a burial plot or a niche in a columbarium or mausoleum, plus any fees associated with opening and closing the grave.

Also, consider the cost of a grave marker or monument, along with a monument installation fee. Cemetery proprietors and monument companies determine these fees because many funeral homes do not own a cemetery or monument company themselves.

If you don’t already have a plan in place for cemetery needs, your funeral director can provide a recommendation or discuss your local cemetery options.

2. Death Certificates

Most people don’t realize how many death certificates they will need. As a rule of thumb, purchase multiple copies – more than you think you will need. Copies of a death certificate are typically requested as proof of death for life insurance policies, social security or veterans’ benefits, stocks, bonds, and banks, to name a few.

The state or municipality determine the cost of a death certificate, and that amount can change over time. While death certificates are typically inexpensive, you can make the process a bit easier by relying on the funeral home to complete all the paperwork and request certificates on your behalf. Just let your funeral director know how many you want.

3. Obituary/Death Notice

Many people are surprised at the cost associated with publishing an obituary or death notice in a newspaper, especially in a larger city. In most cases, the funeral home will publish an obituary to the funeral home’s website at no cost, but if you wish to post it elsewhere, the fee may be higher than you expect. If there’s a particular place you’d like to publish the obituary, let your director know so you can discuss any fees or requirements.

4. Church or Venue Charges

If you choose to have a funeral or memorial service outside the funeral home’s facility, the venue you choose may charge a fee to use the space. Your funeral director will help you coordinate and discuss any rental fees for the location you’ve selected. Choosing a special location can add a beautiful touch to the ceremony and may be just the right way to honor your loved one’s life.

5. Flowers

Depending on the time of year, the cost of flowers will fluctuate. Unfortunately, this makes it hard to pin down the actual cost. While most funeral homes don’t have their own florists, they do have positive working relationships with local businesses. If you’d like, the funeral home can purchase floral arrangements on your behalf. You can work with your funeral director to set a budget and discuss which types of flowers you prefer.

6. Live Music

Music is a very personal and touching way to create a one-of-a-kind tribute. If you elect to have live music, it is likely that an honorarium (monetary token of appreciation) will be necessary. Most of the time, the musician or group you choose to hire will determine the honorarium amount. If you don’t already have a musician in mind, you can ask your funeral director for recommendations.

7. Officiant Honorarium

It’s common practice to have an officiant at the funeral, who will act as host for the service and ensure that events move along smoothly. It is customary to offer this person an honorarium for their time and effort.

In many cases, the officiant will be a clergy person or a celebrant. A celebrant is a non-clergy person who has trained to eulogize and coordinate funeral services. However, anyone can do it. If you have a friend who is willing to officiate for free, you can do that.

No matter whom you choose, discuss that person’s fee expectations before you hire them.

8. Pallbearers

In many cases, pallbearers are family members and friends. However, for some, it is difficult to identify six to eight pallbearers. If you require assistance, the funeral home can help by hiring the extra hands needed. This service will come with a small fee for each hired pallbearer, which your funeral director will discuss with you before anyone is employed.

9. Police Escort

In many states, it is common practice to request a police escort for the funeral procession to the final resting place. With an escort, the funeral procession can move through traffic in an orderly way and without traffic delays. The cost for this service is determined by the local police department, and your funeral director is likely to already know the cost (if any).

Urn sitting on table with red rose floral arrangement

10. Catering

And finally, if you choose to have a reception following the service, don’t forget to count the cost of catering. Whether you decide to serve refreshments or a full meal, pricing will be subject to whatever catering service or restaurant you select. You can, of course, make any food yourself (or go potluck style), but catering can make a stressful time a bit easier. If you aren’t sure how to proceed with catering, your funeral director can help you get everything ordered and set up.

While not all-inclusive, you now have a better understanding of these 9 often overlooked funeral costs. Thankfully, you have an advocate and a guide in your trusted funeral director. They can help you navigate through the funeral planning process from beginning to end.

Whether you are planning ahead for your own funeral wishes or creating a meaningful final tribute for a loved one, your funeral director will sit down with you to discuss all the options, ensuring that nothing is forgotten or left unconsidered.

Apr 07

Love0

12 Songs to Honor Dad at a Funeral Service

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Music

For many people, a dad is so much more than just another family member. He’s a protective guardian and a strong refuge. He offers care, provision, laughter, and crazy shenanigans. He supports, teaches, connects, and loves. When you lose someone so important to your life, the urge to honor them in a special way is strong. If you are planning a personalized final tribute for a loving father, consider including one of these 12 songs to honor his life and reflect how you feel about him.

Father holding son outside as son holds a model airplane

This list is organized into three categories: songs from a daughter, songs from a son, and songs that can be used by anyone to honor their dad. Let’s get started!

Songs from a Daughter

1. Fathers & Daughters (Michael Bolton)

When times are hard, I know you’ll be strong
I’ll be there in your heart when you’ll carry on
Like moonlight on the water, and sunlight in the sky
Fathers and daughters never say goodbye

Inspired by Michael Bolton’s relationship with his own three daughters, this heartfelt ballad captures the emotional connection between fathers and daughters. With its themes of love, protection, and hope, it highlights the way a father will be a guiding presence through every part of life, even after they’re gone. This song perfectly honors a dad whose steady support has always been a pillar of strength in your life.

2. Daddy’s Hands (Holly Dunn)

If I could do things over, I’d live my life again
And never take for granted the love in daddy’s hands

This all-time country classic celebrates fathers and their quiet strength and dedication to family. Based on Dunn’s relationship with her own father, it showcases the many hats that dads wear. From praying and calming nightmares to providing for the family and loving Mama well, this beloved melody brings tears to the eyes and fullness to the heart. Give it a listen and consider including this song in your selections to honor your father.

3. Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel) (Billy Joel)

Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be very far away

With its softness and aching tenderness, this is one of Billy Joel’s most touching songs. Inspired by his daughter, Joel incorporates themes of protection, love, comfort, and the timeless connection between father and daughter across time and distance. The lyrics touch on death and how the love between a father and his daughter will always survive, saying “you’ll always be a part of me.” For those who want to highlight the transcendence of love beyond death, this song is a perfect complement to a father’s final tribute.

4. Butterfly Kisses (Bob Carlisle)

Oh, with all that I’ve done wrong
I must have done something right
To deserve her love every morning

This Grammy Award-winning song has become meaningful to so many fathers and daughters across the nation. With its themes of growing up, letting go, and loving deeply, its message is relatable and something many fathers experience as their daughters become women. If you shared a loving connection with your dad, then this song may be a beautiful way to honor that relationship while saying goodbye.

Songs from a Son

5. My Old Man (Zac Brown Band)

I can still remember every lesson he taught me
Growing up learning how to be
Like my old man

This timeless song delves into the complexities of the father-son relationship, thoughtfully reflecting on how a son learns from his father and seeks to imitate him in so many ways. Filled with raw emotion and meaningful lyrics, the song captures the essence of paternal love and its impact on young sons. For the son who aspires to become just like his old man, this song can be a “Thank you” and a “I’ll make you proud” at a father’s final tribute.

6. Monsters (James Blunt)

No need to forgive, no need to forget
I know your mistakes and you know mine
And while you’re sleeping, I’ll try to make you proud

If you’ve never heard James Blunt’s “Monsters,” then bring out the tissues before listening. Written during a time when his father was facing imminent kidney failure, Blunt’s lyrics are real, visceral, and clearly showcase just how much his father means to him. For those with a father facing a terminal illness or who has died from a chronic disease, this poignant song can serve as a heartfelt farewell and a message of love and care.

7. Thank You for Being My Dad (Jon Barker)

Thank you for shaping my life
Thank you for teaching me all you can
You are no ordinary man, no no
You make me everything I am

A popular choice for a father’s funeral, this song expresses deep gratitude and appreciation for a father’s guidance, love, and support. With its positive and melodic tone, it is soothing even as the lyrics convey the importance of communicating the impact of a father’s love. If you didn’t get a chance to say “thank you” to your dad or want to honor him again as you say goodbye, consider adding this memorable song to the funeral program.

8. Love Without End, Amen (George Strait)

He said, “Daddies don’t just love their children
Every now and then, It’s a love without end, amen”

From award-winning country artist George Strait, this captivating and emotional song tells the story of a father’s unconditional love for his son. No matter what the child has done, his father’s love will be a “love without end, amen.” There is an unbreakable bond between father and child, and the lyrics capture the unwavering and constant nature of the love that binds. This country classic would be a beautiful addition to any dad’s final tribute.

Songs from Anyone

9. Fall on Me (Andrea Bocelli and Matteo Bocelli)

I close my eyes, and I’m seeing you everywhere
I step outside, it’s like I’m breathing you in the air
I can feel you’re there

With its soaring vocals and emotional delivery, this stunning song is a duet between father-and-son vocalists, Andrea and Matteo Bocelli. As you listen, you can hear the deep love and affection shared between the two men. While the words are referencing the ability to fall on a higher power for guidance and direction, the same lyrics easily apply to a loving father on Earth. Consider including this song as a reminder that a father’s love never ends and will continue to provide light and hope in the future.

10. Kind and Generous (Natalie Merchant)

Oh, I want to thank you for so many gifts
You gave with love and tenderness
I want to thank you

In this lovely song, Merchant shares a message of profound gratitude for the generous, selfless, and kind acts that make a significant impact on our lives. While it’s not written specifically to a father, the song’s words paint a picture of a relationship based on genuine care and support. As you say a final farewell to your dad, this song can convey the deep and abiding gratitude you feel for his place in your life and the deep love you shared.

11. Dance with My Father (Luther Vandross)

I’d play a song that would never ever end
‘Cause I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again

Based on Vandross’s life with his father (who died when Vandross was seven), this poignant ballad leans into the importance of memory. The lyrics recall fond childhood memories and capture the essence of a loving and secure home. The yearning for one last dance, one final moment, together is something many grieving children (of any age) can relate to. With its emotional depth and powerful delivery, this song is a heartfelt tribute for any service.

12. Footprints in the Sand (Leona Lewis)

I promise you
I’m always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
And I’ll carry you

Inspired by the spiritual poem of the same name, this song emphasizes the fact that we are never alone and highlights the strength and comfort that can be found in fatherly relationships. Whether you are leaning into a heavenly Father or the memory of your earthly father, that relationship can be a steadying influence and a lifelong comfort. If your father helped carry your hurts and burdens, this song can honor that part of his life and legacy.

As you plan a personalized tribute for your dad, you are not limited to the songs on this list. These are merely a starting place and meant to inspire you. If there’s a song that always reminds you of your dad or that he sang regularly, include that song. The goal of personalizing the music at a funeral service is to capture the person’s unique life and personality. So, think of who your dad was and choose music that feels meaningful and reflects your unique relationship.

Additional Resources

For more suggestions on songs to include at a funeral service, check out the resources below:

By decade:

Apr 06

Love0

8 Simple Tips for Writing a Meaningful Condolence Letter

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss, Helping a Friend in Grief

Not sure what to say to comfort a grieving friend? You know you should say something, but the words aren’t coming to you. Perhaps you worry about saying the wrong thing and adding to their pain. Consider sending a handwritten condolence letter! With a few pointers, you can reach out and offer heartfelt, sincere, and meaningful words of sympathy. Let’s talk about it.

8 Simple Tips for Writing a Meaningful Condolence Letter

1. Say something

It’s human nature to avoid situations that feel difficult or uncomfortable. But just because something is uncomfortable does not mean it shouldn’t be done. Choosing not to say anything at all after a friend’s loss doesn’t help them and may unintentionally communicate that you don’t care. Instead, consider showing your love and support by picking up a pen to write them a condolence card.

2. Social media isn’t always enough

So many of us express condolences on social media (“I’m so sorry for your loss.” “I’m praying for you.”), but then we stop there. But think how much more meaningful it would be if you took time out of your day to specifically and intentionally write a condolence letter.

Condolences expressed on social media are all well and good, and they can be helpful. It’s an excellent way to express sympathy to someone you don’t know well. But for those you personally know and have a connection to, just think how much more care you will convey by taking the extra time to write a letter.

3. Handwrite it

By handwriting the letter, you add an extra level of personalization. You took the time to sit down and not only gather your thoughts, but also to write them out. How many people actually do that these days? Far fewer than in previous years. It can mean so much more to receive a handwritten note in the mail than a message on social media.

4. Keep it short(ish)

You don’t have to write a novel for your sympathy letter. In fact, it’s better if you keep it somewhat short and succinct, balanced with intentionality and compassion.

5. Make it personal

As much as possible, tailor your words to create a letter that is personal and specific. You could add words of encouragement, a quote, or a poem. If you knew the person who has died, share a positive story that you remember about them or a way they impacted you.

On the other hand, if you didn’t know the person who has died, mention that you know how much they meant to your grieving friend. Or you can recall things your friend told you about that special person (“I remember you told me…”). No matter how you say it, express your sorrow for their loss.

6. No comparisons

If you’ve lost a loved one, you know that it is hard, painful, and exhausting. But even though you can relate to someone’s grief, avoid comparing your grief to theirs. You may have both lost a mom, but you are two different people with unique relationships to your moms, which means your two grief journeys are going to look very different.

Instead, offer words of comfort without comparisons. Share a valuable lesson you’ve learned in your own grief journey while still acknowledging, “I know your loss is different from mine.”

7. Be real

Don’t be afraid to use words like “death,” “died,” or “die.” According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a respected grief expert and counselor, acknowledging the reality of the death of a loved one is necessary to move forward in your grief journey. By being unafraid to use these terms, you participate in helping to acknowledge the reality of the loss.

8. Add a thoughtful action

These days, no matter where you live, you can do something thoughtful for a grieving friend. If you live nearby, take a casserole over to the family. If you live further away, order flowers online. With the internet, there’s so much you can do even if you’re separated by distance. But remember, don’t offer anything you can’t deliver. Check out “Sympathy Gifts You Can Mail” and “10 Caring and Creative Sympathy Gifts” for a few ideas!

Things to Avoid When Writing a Condolence Letter

Now that you know what to do, let’s touch on some things you should NOT do. In many cases, what you don’t say is just as important as what you do say. Here are a few pitfalls to avoid:

Sometimes the grieving person needs to tell their story, but you should always let them decide how much they want to share, especially regarding the circumstances of their loved one’s death. It’s not helpful to make the grieving person feel like you are looking for juicy gossip.
Refrain from saying anything negative about the person who has died. You may not have personally liked them, but for the purposes of a condolence letter, keep your opinions to yourself.
Avoid saying insensitive things like “You’re better off without them” or “Cheer up!” Every person needs to be allowed to grieve in their own way, not feel like they’re doing it wrong.
Don’t mention the will or the estate. If you are in line to inherit something, you will be contacted at the proper time. The condolence letter is not the right time.
Try to avoid clichés. For example, “It was just their time to go” or “They’re in a better place” are cliché phrases that don’t help. Instead, put your heart into the letter and be real and sincere.

White paper with beige envelope with pink and white flowers

With these tips up your sleeve, you will have an easier time writing a meaningful condolence letter. It will still take time, so make sure that you aren’t in a hurry when you sit down to write. Put together a draft first, let it sit for a while, and come back to see if there’s anything that needs adjusting. Once you feel good about the content, write it out in your best handwriting and place it in the mail. Your words may become the bright spot in your grieving friend’s day!