Educational Archives - Funeral Basics

Jul 17

Mourning Colors From Around the World

By christy.kessler Educational, History of Funerals

In the United States, black is the color most people commonly associate with grief and mourning. However, that’s not true for all cultures. The color of mourning is often deeply rooted in the history and beliefs of a nation and its people, so let’s see which colors represent mourning around the world.

Black

Black silk fabric

In addition to the United States, black is the color of mourning in most Western nations as well as some other nations. Wearing black is a symbol of sadness, loss, and death. Writings from Ancient Rome reveal that the tradition of donning black after a death was common even in that day.

And while the color black never went out of use, it became particularly popular during the reign of Queen Victoria. Following the death of her husband, Prince Albert, the Queen spent the next 40 years of her life mourning his death. She commonly wore black or other dark colors to symbolize her deep sense of loss. Her example went on to influence many other nations in Europe and North America, leading to a stronger connection to black as a color of mourning.

Like many Western nations, black is also a common mourning color in Japan, Brazil, and Thailand, to name a few. It’s also quite common to see black worn at Jewish funerals.

White

White satin fabric

Another very common funeral color around the world is white, particularly in Asia (China, Cambodia, India, etc.) where the people strongly associate with Buddhism or Hinduism.

Universally, white symbolizes purity, innocence, and rebirth. In Buddhism, white is also representative of reincarnation and the circle of life. Similarly, in Hinduism, white is a symbol of light, goodness, spiritual rebirth, and a new beginning. As these religions base many of their core tenets on the life that comes after death, it’s easy to understand why white – as a symbol of rebirth and new beginnings – would be so important at the funerals of loved ones.

There are also examples of white used for mourning in other parts of the world. For example, in 15^th and 16^th century France and England, bereaved children and unmarried women often dressed in white instead of black. Also, in indigenous Australia, it’s common practice to wear white body paint to show remorse for the loss of a loved one.

Red

Red cotton fabric

One of the least-used mourning colors, red is nonetheless prevalent in a few countries around the world. In South Africa, mourners wear red, though the origins of the practice are heartbreaking. The color represents the apartheid era and the blood that was shed during those years.

Red is also used in Ghana, but there is a condition. Red (often paired with black) is only worn by the deceased’s immediate family; black or white is worn by all other mourners.

On the other hand, never wear red to a funeral in China. Because of its strong association with happiness, cultural tradition forbids the use of red at Chinese funerals.

Purple

Purple silk fabric

Long connected to spirituality and royalty, purple is used during Easter celebrations to represent the pain and suffering of Christ’s crucifixion. For this reason, many Catholics in Brazil, Guatemala, and other Central or South American countries pair purple with black during times of grief.

In Thailand, purple represents sorrow. The color is worn exclusively by widows following the death of a husband; all other mourners wear black.

What if I Don’t Know What Color to Wear to a Funeral?

As you can see, the culture you live in, and in some cases, the religion you follow can have an impact on the mourning colors that are acceptable and expected. And in some countries, there’s a mix of colors, though black and white are the most common threads.

Rolls of fabric

If you aren’t sure what to wear to a funeral, the best thing to do is ask for guidance. You can reach out to the family, a close friend, or even the funeral director. For example, if you haven’t been to a Jewish funeral, contact someone to learn what clothing would be respectful.

In general, it’s good etiquette to avoid bright colors like orange, yellow, green, and blue. Unless you are attending a funeral where red is appropriate, generally avoid it, too.

Did any of these colors surprise you? It’s fascinating to see how mourning colors develop and understand the role they play in helping us mourn the loss of those we love.

Jul 11

Love0

Man and woman sitting in a secluded space with a telescope, looking at the night sky

Naming a Star in a Loved One’s Memory

By christy.kessler Educational, Grief/Loss, Memorial

There are so many beautiful ways to honor a loved one’s life. Etching their name in the night sky may be one option you’ve never considered. Perfect for an astronomer, sci-fi nerd, or general space enthusiast, it’s possible to name a star after your loved one and keep their memory alive in the night sky for generations to come.

There are several companies that offer star registration, but we aren’t going to talk about all of them. Instead, we will focus on three big ones to give you an idea of what types of services are available.

International Star Registry (ISR)

One of the first companies to offer star registration, ISR has been helping families honor and memorialize loved ones since 1979. They offer a variety of packages for every budget, starting at around $30 and going up to around $200 (prices subject to change). Each package offers the ability to choose your preferred constellation and receive an authentic Star Registry certificate (with additional add-ons depending on the package you select).

Additionally, every star registration is included in the world’s only published catalog of named stars, which is registered with the US Copyright Office and the Library of Congress. The catalog includes coordinates for every star registered.

To learn more about ISR and its mission to help families honor and remember loved ones through the naming of a star, click here to visit their website.

Star Name Registry

With its “Find My Star” app, Star Name Registry gives you the ability to view your star at any time of day or night using your smartphone. They also offer a variety of packages, starting at around $30 and going up to roughly $120 (prices subject to change). Every package comes with a star certificate, welcome letter, star info pack, and app entry. The “star info pack” includes a sky atlas, star location guide, constellation booklet, universe booklet, and an explanation of your star.

The company guarantees your registered star, but if you have concerns, they do offer a 30-day money back guarantee. To learn more about Star Name Registry, click here to visit their website.

Global Star Registry

Based in Sweden, Global Star Registry is available in multiple languages, including English, German, Spanish, amongst others. Similar to ISR (see above), all stars registered through Global Star Registry are recorded with the US Copyright Office.

Packages start around $30 and go up to $94 (prices subject to change). However, if you elect for any of the packages above $30, you will also receive a gift pack. (Other add-ons may also be listed.) The gift pack includes a star certificate, an engraved pendant or keychain, and a sky map.

To read reviews or check out the package options, click here to visit their website.

Are There Other Star Registration Services Out There?

Absolutely! You aren’t limited to these three services if they don’t appeal to you. You could check out Online Star Register, Name a Star, or Starify, for example.

As you research which star registration service to use, here are some important things to consider:

Does the company offer a package that suits your budget?
Do the add-ons appeal to you?
Is your star registered with the US Copyright Office (if that’s important to you)?
Do they offer returns or a money-back guarantee if you should change your mind?
Is the company transparent and clear on what you will receive?
Does the company offer clear ways to reach out for customer support?

A Quick Note on Star Registration

Naming a star in memory of a loved one is a beautiful way to keep their memory alive. It will blaze in the night sky forever. However, it’s important to note that no one legally owns outer space. Any naming of stars is for sentimental purposes only. Your star registration exists on paper and does not affect the star’s official name with the International Astronomical Union (IAU). The IAU officially tracks the scientific names of all stars and celestial bodies.

If you decide that naming a star in your loved one’s honor is a meaningful way to remember them, may you find comfort, peace, and joy each time you see them shining brightly on the darkest nights.

*DISCLAIMER: We do not endorse any of these companies; we are merely stating the options available to you when honoring a loved one by naming a star.

Jul 10

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Focus on man's hands as he holds a smartphone

How Technology is Changing the Funeral Industry

By christy.kessler Educational, Planning Tools

You may not usually associate funeral homes and technology with each other, but that’s changing! In recent years, funeral homes have been working hard to add new and updated technology to their offerings. As technology becomes more and more prevalent in every aspect of our daily lives, it’s essential that the funeral industry keep up and change with it. By taking the best of the classical funeral experience and fusing it with the latest technological innovations, funeral homes can help families craft even more meaningful ceremonies to honor their loved ones.

But what are some technological updates you may find at a funeral home?

Slideshows and Memorial Tribute Videos

Previously, physical photographs of the deceased were displayed near the casket, but now, it’s very common to see a slideshow or a memorial tribute video at a funeral. Video and music capabilities have increased the level of personalization in the average funeral. Clips of the deceased or favorite songs are played to capture the spirit of a loved one. These developments illustrate technology’s potential to enrich a ceremony and aid in the grieving process.

However, you can still place physical photos and mementoes at the service to add meaningful touches to the funeral’s personalization. The slideshow or memorial tribute video doesn’t have to replace physical photos – but the video can enhance your ability to tell your loved one’s story by allowing you to share more photos in chronological order.

Livestreaming the Service

Another innovation is the ability to livestream a funeral or memorial service. While it’s always best to participate in person when possible, livestreaming can be very useful in some circumstances because it allows people with mobility issues or who live in distant places to connect.

For example, if a family member or friend is overseas and unable to attend the service, sharing a livestream link would allow them to participate from a distance. And with more families spread out across the United States, livestreaming has become a much more common practice in funerals today.

Up-to-Date Websites

With advances in website design and easier accessibility, many funeral homes have made the leap into up-to-date, easy-to-navigate websites. These websites often contain obituaries, grief resources, aftercare information, and online forms for prearranging funerals. Sometimes, you can even use the funeral home website to send flowers to those who are grieving.

Take a couple of minutes to visit your local funeral home’s website to see what services they offer and what resources they provide. You may be surprised at the variety of information available.

Social Media Presence

Social media has really changed the game for honoring and remembering loved ones. Not only can families access a loved one’s account to post a meaningful final tribute post, but their extended family and friends can comment to show how much that special person touched their lives.

On top of that, many funeral homes now also have Facebook or Instagram accounts where they post obituaries, local events, funeral education information, and much more. If you follow a funeral home’s social media accounts, you can also learn about various topics related to funerals, from preplanning resources to special promotions and events they’re hosting.

Online Funeral Planning

With advances in technology, many funeral homes are now able to offer families an online experience. Because we are used to doing most things online, this service facilitates more efficient communication between families and funeral directors. Rather than having a paper file with your name on it, there’s a complete digital file where everything is recorded.

Additionally, some funeral homes now offer the option to purchase funeral packages online. In this way, if you’d prefer, you can take care of everything online from the comfort of home. Of course, funeral home staff are ready and willing to answer any questions you may have. They are often open to house calls, if that’s easier for you.

Online Payments

In addition to being able to plan the funeral online, many funeral homes now offer the option to pay online, as well. Using an accepted form of currency (ex: credit or debit card), you can easily pay online as seamlessly as you would on any internet site.

Please note: paying online is not available at all funeral homes. Please ask your preferred funeral home what their payments options are and whether you can pay online.

AI Writer Assistance

We’ve all seen AI coming into greater use recently. Some aren’t too thrilled about it, while others are fully embracing AI and its capabilities. For the funeral profession, perhaps the biggest impact AI has had is in writing obituaries. For the family who doesn’t feel comfortable with their writing skills or just wants a quick double-check, AI writing applications can help. Some funeral homes may offer the services of a staff member, and if so, go for it! Otherwise, you could explore whether using AI would be useful to you and your family.

Continuing Innovation

Exciting advances are regularly being made in the technological world. And as funeral homes adopt these advances, they can better serve their clients. It’s exciting to see how future technology will enhance our ability to honor and remember loved ones.

To learn what technology is available in your area, give your local, trusted funeral home a call. The knowledgeable staff will be happy to discuss how technology can assist you in creating a meaningful ceremony.

Jul 10

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person's hand pressing the hazard light button in a car

Everything You Need to Know About Funeral Procession Etiquette

By Courtney Cook Educational

Funeral processions have long been a part of the funeral tradition, beginning before there were even cars. While this practice has changed throughout the years, it remains an important step in the grieving process for many families. As a ritual, the funeral procession allows families to mourn together and honor their loved one.

But many drivers don’t know what to do when they encounter a funeral procession or become a part of one for a friend or family member. If you’re part of a procession, do you stop at red lights and stop signs? If you come across a procession while driving, do you pull over? Or can you pass the slower cars?

Here’s what you need to know about funeral procession etiquette:

If You’re in a Funeral Procession

Drive slowly

car driving with brake lights lit up

Out of respect and to ensure the group stays together, most funeral processions drive below the speed limit. On most side or back roads, you’ll travel around 30 mph. If you go on a highway, you typically won’t go over 50-55 mph.

Follow closely

Leave stopping space between you and the car in front of you, but not much more! Drive closely behind the person in front of you to prevent those who aren’t part of the procession from cutting in.

Stay with the procession

Don’t leave the procession or take a different turn. The people behind you may not know where to go. Additionally, before leaving, check with the funeral home or procession leader to find out if you should go through red lights and stop signs. Some states allow this. If a police officer is directing traffic, follow their guidance.

Turn on your headlights or hazards

person's hand pressing the hazard light button in a car

Traditionally, cars in a funeral procession turn on their headlights to show others that they are part of the procession. You can also turn on your hazards if you wish or if the family requests it, but these are only necessary for the lead and caboose cars.

Keep noise to a minimum

Out of respect for the other mourners and the deceased, don’t play loud music while driving. If you wish to listen to music, keep the volume low and make sure your windows are rolled up. Also, it’s best to stay off your phone and avoid honking or revving your engine as you drive.

If You Encounter a Funeral Procession

Avoid passing

sign by a road on an orange cone that says funeral with an arrow pointing to the left

If you encounter a slow-moving funeral procession, do not pass it. In some areas, pulling over to the side of the road may be required, much like for an emergency vehicle. If you are on a highway with multiple lanes, you can pass the procession, but please do so with caution and respect and only pass on the left side.

Don’t cut into the procession

Cutting into a funeral procession is disrespectful and, in some states, illegal. Don’t try to join the procession or cut in to take a turn or exit. People in the procession may not know where to go, and you may cause confusion or an accident.

Yield the right of way

yield sign

Laws about funeral processions and right of way vary from state to state, but it’s always a good idea to yield the right of way to a procession when you can. If a funeral procession passes through an intersection and your light turns green, wait until the procession passes before continuing.

Keep noise to a minimum

To show respect to the procession, turn down any loud music. Never honk at the cars in a procession, and don’t rev your engine, especially if you’re passing them.

Watch for the end car

Typically, the car at the end of a procession will have extra flashing lights or flags to signal the end of the procession. Some processions may have a police escort with them. Once the final car has passed, you can drive as normal.

Whether you’re part of a procession or simply a bystander, the most important thing to remember is to show respect to the deceased and the mourners. By showing kindness and respect to those in a funeral procession, you can make a hard day a little easier.

Jul 02

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Person sitting at desk in front of a laptop, doing a Google search

Digital Estate Planning: Understanding Google’s Inactive Account Manager

By christy.kessler Educational, Estate Planning

With the introduction of the internet, estate planning became a smidge more complicated than it used to be. Why? Because now we must take our digital (online) estate into account when creating an estate plan. However, there are ways to keep it simple! Today, let’s talk about Google accounts, the Inactive Account Manager, and how you can set up your Google accounts to be accessible when the unexpected happens.

What is the Inactive Account Manager?

The Inactive Account Manager allows you to give someone else access to your Google accounts if you become inactive. Generally speaking, if a Google account isn’t used for two years, then Google considers it inactive. At that time, Google will begin emailing you, and if there’s no response after a period of time, they will automatically delete your accounts.

However, if you set up “Trusted Contact(s)” (up to 10 people) through the Inactive Account Manager, they will get emails about your inactive account, have access to it, and can save any files, photos, videos, etc. that would otherwise be lost. During the set-up process, you will set permissions on what type of information each Trusted Contact can access.

What qualifies as a Google account?

Google is a big company, responsible for many types of accounts you may be familiar with. For example, do you have a Gmail email address? Do you have a YouTube account? Google Photos? Google Drive? There’s also Google Meet, Google Maps, or the Google Play Store. And this isn’t even the full list. So, if you use Google products, anything you have saved could be deleted should you become inactive.

What does Google consider “inactivity”?

There are many actions you can take to let Google know that you are still alive and active. These include:

Reading or sending an email
Using Google Drive
Downloading an app
Sharing a photo or downloading from Google Photos
Watching a YouTube video
Searching on Google
Signing in to a Google account

As long as you complete an action like one of these, Google will consider you active. And your activity is tracked by account – not device. So, if you are active on your laptop one day and your phone the next, as long as both are signed into your Google account, it will be recorded as activity.

However, if you have more than one Google account, you’ll need to be active in each one individually to avoid inactivity alerts.

What if I’m inactive but not deceased?

Before emailing your Trusted Contact, Google will first attempt to contact you several times. If you are still alive and well, you can access your accounts to create some activity. Doing so will prevent any emails from being sent to your Trusted Contact(s). However, if there’s no response from you, Google will email your Trusted Contact(s).

What type of notification will my Trusted Contact(s) receive?

When you set up your Inactive Account Manager, you will be asked when you want Trusted Contact(s) to be notified. Google defaults to two years of inactivity, but you can choose a shorter time period, if you wish.

When that time period passes, your Trusted Contact(s) will receive an email notification. This email will contain a Subject Line and personal message written by you (during the set-up phase) as well as a footer explaining that Google is sending the email on your behalf. The email will also include a list of data that the Trusted Contact has access to view.

When your Trusted Contact(s) logs into your account, their identity will be verified before they are given access. And of course, let whomever you choose know that you have selected them as your Trusted Contact(s). This way, the email won’t be confusing to them or feel out of the blue.

What happens if I don’t set up an Inactive Account Manager?

First, Google will attempt to reach you by sending multiple emails to your Gmail address and to any recovery email you added when the account was created. If there’s no response from you, your Google accounts will be deleted, and any files will be lost. If that’s your preference, then there’s no need to set up an Inactive Account Manager.

However, if you’d like your family to have time to download any files, photos, or videos before they are deleted, then you might consider setting up an Inactive Account Manager. Or, on the flip side, if your family would like access to your files (even if you don’t care), it can be a big hassle for them to try to request access after your death. By being proactive about giving them access, you save a lot of time and headaches.

Why does Google delete old accounts?

It’s mostly for security reasons. Older accounts are more likely to become compromised, making them susceptible to spam or malicious intent. To prevent misuse, Google monitors activity and deletes inactive accounts.

How do I set up an Inactive Account Manager?

When you create a Google account, the Inactive Account Manager function is dormant. You must set it up manually. This way you have control over who accesses your data if you become incapacitated or pass away.

To set up your Google Inactive Account Manager, get on one of your electronic devices (phone, tablet, laptop) and click https://myaccount.google.com/inactive. Google will prompt you to sign in (if you aren’t already) and will walk you through the set-up process.

During the set-up process, you can expect to:

Choose an inactive period (instead of Google’s default of two years, you can choose a shorter timeframe to be contacted about inactivity)
Add relevant details, like your phone number, email address, and recovery email address
Add the name, email address, and phone number of your Trusted Contacts (up to 10 people; they do not have to have a Google email address)
Select which services each Trusted Contact has access to (you control what they can see)
Write out your custom auto-reply message (your Trusted Contacts will receive this message if your account becomes inactive)
Review and confirm your preferences

In the future, if you decide you’d no longer like to use the Inactive Account Manager and would prefer that Google just delete your account, you can go to the Inactive Account Manager page again and select “Turn off my plan” under the “Manage your plan” section. There’s also an “Edit” section if you want to update your auto-reply email or change your Trusted Contacts.

I’ve set up my Inactive Account Manager – what’s next?

Now, as with any part of your estate plan, it’s time to write down what you’ve done and update things when needed. Circumstances and relationships are constantly changing, so whether it’s your legal will, your beneficiaries, or your Inactive Account Manager, visit your selections every few years to make sure you still agree with your previous choices.

Additional Estate Planning Resources

In addition to looking after your Google accounts, you most likely have other online accounts that should be considered when setting up an estate plan. To help you through the process, here are a few additional resources you may find beneficial.

Jun 20

Love0

People standing next to a casket, holding white flowers

How to Personalize Healing Actions at a Funeral

By christy.kessler Educational, Meaningful Funerals, Personalization, Planning Tools

The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can incorporate healing actions to personalize a loved one’s final tribute and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.

 First, Why Does Personalization Matter?

“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.”  – Dr. Alan Wolfelt

In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!

A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors a life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about healing actions and their vital role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!

How to Personalize Healing Actions at a Funeral

During times of grief, healing actions allow us to put our inward feelings into outward action. For example, it’s therapeutic to take flowers to a loved one’s grave or write down what we’re feeling or sit down to chat with a friend about cherished memories. These types of actions help us heal. But how can you incorporate healing actions into a funeral service?

1. Add a group activity

One option is to create an activity that everyone can participate in. For example, provide notecards for mourners to write down memories to share with the grieving family. Create a group photo collage by requesting that people bring a photo of themselves with the person who has died. If your loved one was an RC plane hobbyist, ask their buddies to do a flyover at the graveside service. Set a theme – a favorite color, movie, sports team – and ask mourners to dress accordingly. There are many ways to invite people into healing actions while keeping it simple.

2. Include a release or lighting ceremony

With a release ceremony, the idea is to release something into the sky, as a symbolic way of releasing a loved one’s spirit to heaven. You could choose to release butterflies, doves, or whatever else makes sense for your family (as long as it doesn’t harm the environment). On the other hand, a lighting ceremony allows mourners to light candles of remembrance in honor of the person who has died. Talk with your funeral director about your options and find what works best for your needs.

3. Ask people to participate in specific roles

Throughout the funeral or memorial service, there will be opportunities for people to step in and participate in healing actions. You could ask family or friends to act as eulogists, readers, singers, musicians, or pallbearers. If you plan to host a gathering after the service, consider potluck style and request that people bring dishes. Ask friends to act as greeters or ushers. Active participation will make people feel included and like they truly had a chance to honor that special person.

4. Incorporate traditional healing elements

Finally, there is great comfort in tradition. Feel free to include customary healing actions, like a funeral procession, viewing of the body, visitation, or graveside service. The ultimate goal is that mourners feel they have been part of a proper sendoff and said goodbye in a way that brings peace. Speak with your funeral director about including traditional healing elements in the service so you can decide which ones make the most sense for your loved one’s final tribute.

Questions to Help You Brainstorm

Perhaps ideas are already coming to mind about how you can incorporate healing actions into the final tribute – that’s great! However, for those who may be drawing a blank, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what kinds of actions you could include at a service.

Did your loved one enjoy a particular sport/activity that could be included?
Is there something special you could release?
Would you like to set a theme?
Were they of a profession where a special tribute could be included (police officer, fireman, veteran, etc.)?

Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for selecting actions that will not only personalize the funeral but add special meaning. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.

For additional inspiration, here are more articles on healing actions that may help:

Jun 18

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Woman in light blue, long-sleeved shirt siting on couch with computer in front of her, reviewing a piece of paper

8 Tips for Crafting a Eulogy

By christy.kessler Educational, Meaningful Funerals

Have you been asked to give a eulogy at a special person’s final tribute? While it’s an honor to be asked, it can be a little intimidating. You might be concerned you won’t say the right thing, especially if this is your first time giving a eulogy. The most important part is to be sincere about your comments, but for a little extra advice, here are 8 tips to help you when crafting a eulogy.

7 Tips for Crafting a Eulogy

A eulogy is a speech given at a funeral or memorial service that celebrates the life of a friend or loved one. It comes from the Greek word eulogia, which means “to praise.” Eulogies can be as short as three or four minutes, or as long as fifteen to twenty (when in doubt, it’s best to stay short). Here are 8 tips for crafting a eulogy that will help you write and present a meaningful tribute.

1. Brainstorm First

Begin by pouring your thoughts out on paper. Record fond memories of important events and details in the person’s life. What were some of your favorite moments with this person? What did you admire most about him or her? At this point, it is essential that you don’t judge your work. The hardest part is starting, so just let your ideas flow. The most effective way to write is to turn off your “inner critic” until you have plenty of material to work with.

2. Structure Your Work

Once you have a sufficient body of information on the page, then you can go back, think critically, and make edits. Decide which details are important and worthwhile, and which ones would be irrelevant or even harmful to mention. Remember that the eulogy is a time of “praise” and that this is a time for positive memories only. Organize your thoughts and create smooth transitions between stories and commentary.

3. Keep the Focus on the Deceased

While it’s important to establish who you are and your relationship to the person who has died, keep the focus primarily on the deceased. In other words, make your comments personal, but don’t let your memories of the deceased become self-centered or self-serving. Avoid unnecessary tangents or sharing details that don’t pertain to the deceased directly. Establish your identity to provide the proper context, but never lose sight of honoring the deceased’s life and accomplishments.

4. Go for a Conversational Tone

If any portions of your speech sound dry or formal, adopt a more casual approach. A conversational tone is preferred because it feels more personal. When trying for a more casual, conversational tone, pretend that you are talking with someone one-on-one. Don’t try to use flowery or elaborate words. Keep your sentences relatively short and clear. Read your work aloud, and if you trip over sections, adjust them to read more easily.

5. Be Specific

If any portions of your speech sound too vague or general, find ways to make them more specific. Pack your eulogy with vivid stories and details. Adopt a style that captures the spirit of your friend or loved one. When celebrating the character of the deceased, provide examples to back up your praise. Recall specific things that the person said or did. Don’t be afraid to express your sadness, but if you have any humorous stories, consider sharing them, too.

6. Contact the Other Speakers

If multiple people will be delivering eulogies at the funeral or memorial service, consider contacting the other speakers to get a general idea of what they will be saying and how your eulogy will fit into the overall picture. For example, if everyone shares the same stories, the eulogies may become a little redundant and less meaningful. Also, try to get a sense of how long the others will be speaking, so that you can time your own speech accordingly.

7. Share a Draft with the Family

After you’ve put together a speech that you’re proud of, consider sharing a draft with the family. This way, if there are details they’d like you to add or remove, you can do so before the day of the funeral. And knowing that you have their blessing may help you feel more relaxed and at ease when you get in front of the podium. After all, if the family approves, that’s all that matters.

8. Rehearse Your Speech

Once you’ve completed the speech and edited it to your liking, practice it several times through. Examine your body language and delivery in the mirror or present it to a trusted person and ask for feedback. Keep a calm and steady rhythm. When people get anxious during a public speech, they tend to speak more quickly. Be aware of this tendency ahead of time so that you can slow yourself down and ensure that your words are impactful and understood.

Feeling Nervous? You’re Not Alone

If you’re nervous about public speaking, you’re not alone. Almost 75% of the population has speech anxiety. Much of this anxiety stems from the irrational belief that the speech must be perfect, that any sign of error or any hint of nervousness on the part of the speaker will be scrutinized by the audience. This simply isn’t true. These unrealistic expectations put a burden on you that you can’t possibly live up to. Instead, take a deep breath, relax, and remember that the people listening love and support you. Your best effort is good enough.

For more information about eulogies and how to write one, check out these helpful resources:

How to Personalize the Eulogy at a Funeral
How to Write a Eulogy
What is a Eulogy?
4 Reasons Why Eulogies are Important
Eulogies & Sharing a Loved One’s Legacy

May 24

Love0

Gold pearl earrings resting on white fabric

What Clothing Do I Need to Provide for a Viewing?

By Courtney Cook Educational, Explore Options

While families sometimes choose to skip the viewing, it plays an important role in grieving. A viewing or visitation provides time for those who are grieving to gather together and support each other. And since the body is present at a viewing, family members and friends can see their loved one, say goodbye in person, and accept the reality of the death, which is an essential step in the grieving process.

As you prepare for the viewing, you’ll need to bring clothing, accessories, and makeup for the deceased. While your funeral director can give you more details on what they need, here are a few things to remember.

Clothing

Navy blue suit jacket as a piece of clothing for a viewing

There are plenty of factors to consider when choosing clothing for the viewing. Traditionally, the deceased is often dressed in their “Sunday best” suit or dress, but as times have changed, this aspect of the viewing has become more personalized. If your loved one didn’t express their wishes about the choice of clothing ahead of time, consider their religious and cultural background, favorite pieces of clothing, and interests.

Some religions and cultures have guidelines or traditions surrounding the deceased’s clothing, whether a particular outfit or a specific color. If your loved one was a person of faith, talk with their religious leader about typical funeral customs and requirements for a viewing. Additionally, if your loved one had a strong connection to their culture, you can opt for a traditional garment.

To create a more personal visitation, you can also choose clothing that was meaningful to your loved one. Did they have a favorite sports jersey they always wore? Were they a dancer who had a favorite tuxedo or dress? Did you always see them wearing their favorite leather jacket or sweater? If they were a member of the military, would they want to have their uniform on? These personal touches to your loved one’s outfit can help create a more meaningful experience.

As you gather clothing for your loved one, remember to include undergarments, shoes, and socks. While funeral homes often have these items on hand, providing them will make things easier for your funeral director.

Accessories

Gold pearl earrings resting on white fabric

In addition to clothing, you can provide accessories for the viewing that your loved one typically wore. These small touches can help your loved one look more like themselves. If your loved one always wore glasses, a wig, a hairpiece, or a bowtie, you can include those items when you bring the clothing.

Jewelry is another item to consider. Did your mom have a favorite pair of earrings? Did your dad always wear his class ring? If they were a service member, do they have military decorations you can include? Keep in mind that hanging jewelry, like necklaces or earrings, may look different on someone who is lying down.

After the viewing, you can also request that these items be returned, especially if they are meaningful to your family. Whether you provide your loved one’s favorite watch or the bracelet they always wore, jewelry and other accessories can help make the visitation more meaningful.

Makeup

makeup and eyeshadow palette with brushes and beauty blenders

While funeral homes will typically have their own makeup to use, every person has their own style, shades, and preferences regarding cosmetics. If your loved one regularly wore makeup, you may want to provide the funeral home with your loved one’s products for the mortuary cosmetologist to use while preparing the body for the viewing.

Additionally, it’s important to provide a reference photo of your loved one so the embalmer and the mortuary cosmetologist can accurately recreate your loved one’s hairstyle and makeup. Try to choose a current photo rather than an older one, and let your funeral director know of any specific requests you have.

As you gather the items for the viewing or visitation, consider your loved one’s preferences and talk to your funeral director about what you need to provide. They can give you ideas to make the viewing more personal and ensure no items are forgotten.

May 23

Love0

Two women at an estate sale, one buying an item

11 Tips for Planning a DIY Estate Sale

By christy.kessler Educational

After the death of a loved one, you may find yourself needing to sort out that person’s physical estate – their home and belongings. This task can be difficult, especially if the death was recent, but with a plan in place, you can make the process easier. If an estate sale seems the best way to downsize and financially benefit the surviving family, consider these 11 tips for putting on a successful DIY estate sale.

NOTE: If there are any disputes regarding the estate, wait until those conflicts are resolved before hosting an estate sale. Also, honor any bequests in the legal will before putting items up for sale.

11 Tips for Planning a DIY Estate Sale

1. Check Local Guidelines

While the first step isn’t glamorous, it’s best to know what you can and can’t do before you get started. Some cities may require a permit or have certain rules about street signage, parking, or even the day of the week.

The best thing to do is call your City Hall (and your HOA, if applicable) and ask about any laws or regulations regarding estate sales. They will have all the information you need to stay within the bounds of local law.

2. Sort Items and Create an Inventory

Next, figure out what you want to sell. Hold onto any items that have strong sentimental value and give close family members the opportunity to choose a few mementoes before creating your inventory. Once you’ve removed the items you want to keep, start cataloguing what you’d like to sell.

The most common items to sell are jewelry, artwork, clothing, antiques, furniture, appliances, silverware and china, and other household items. You could also sell cars, trucks, campers, electronics, boats, and other large items.

What are some items you shouldn’t sell? Do not sell liquor (a license is required). If items are significantly frayed or damaged (especially car seats, helmets, or items pertaining to safety), do not add them to your inventory. Their ability to protect may be compromised due to heavy use and should not be passed on to others.

3. Remove Any Personal Items

As you sort and create your inventory, remove any personal items at the same time. For example, remove used toiletries, broken items, and other things that will just be thrown away. Additionally, remove any personal documentation, like medical bills, passports, licenses, birth certificates, family photos, and official military documents. Also, if you come across unused prescription medications, make sure to properly dispose of them so they aren’t misused.

4. Look into Tax Implications

Now that you have your inventory, it’s time to find out whether the estate sale will have tax implications for you. While the sale of small items isn’t necessarily going to trigger additional taxes, the sale of larger or rarer items could. For example, are you selling cars? Valuable artwork, antiques, jewelry, or collectibles? These items could add up until they reach the threshold for reporting.

So, with your inventory in hand, speak with a trusted tax professional. They will help you understand whether you may owe taxes when the estate sale is over.

5. Set the Date

Next, keeping your city’s guidelines in mind, you can look at setting a date for your estate sale. Always consider your own calendar first. How much time do you need to organize, price items, gather helping hands, advertise, and so on? Give yourself plenty of time.

Most estate sales occur around the weekend – Thursday through Sunday – and last two or three days. If there are a lot of estate sales in your area, you could instead choose to host the sale during the week to stand out a bit more from the competition.

6. Price Your Items Strategically

Pricing is perhaps the most difficult part of the process. You want to charge enough, but not so much that people don’t want to buy.

Before you price items, do a little research into their resale value. Also, take the item’s condition into account when pricing. For more in-demand items, place a higher price tag. For easy-to-acquire items, like clothing or kitchenware, choose a lower price tag.

And if you want to keep it simple, do bulk sales. For example, “All paperback books $2. All hardback books $3.” And as the estate sale progresses, you can reduce pricing to entice shoppers to buy even more. You could use a pricing scale like “Day 1: Full Price, Day 2: 25% Off, Day 3: 50% Off.” The goal is to sell as much as possible and that may mean negotiating or reducing prices as the sale goes on.

7. Stage the House

To increase your chances of selling items, it’s best to make sure everything is organized and displayed neatly. If your shoppers have to sort through junk piles, they are less likely to stay and discover the treasures waiting to be found.

Instead, you could display silverware, china, and other kitchen items together. Place all the clothes on racks in one area of the house. Group similar clothes together – men’s, women’s, unisex, and children’s. Use the larger spaces to display furniture. Also, ensure that there are easy pathways to get from room to room and add signage to help people know what’s where. And if there are any spaces you don’t want people wandering into, put up “Off Limits” signs.

8. Find People to Staff the Sale

You can’t run an estate sale on your own. So, reach out to your support network to find people who will help you staff the sale.

Here are a few ways trusted friends or family could help:

Run the payment station
Load purchased furniture into vehicles
Answer questions
Direct traffic
Monitor each room to answer questions and discourage theft
Lightly reorganize an area when items nearby are purchased
Look after any children or pets to keep them out of the way

If you’d like, you could also set up an area where shoppers can purchase baked goods and refreshing beverages. The proceeds could go to benefit a good cause or simply increase the revenue of the estate sale. If it’s a hot day, having cold water bottles on hand for a dollar or two each could keep your shoppers cool and encourage them to stay longer.

9. Set Up an Easy Payment System

While many estate sales are cash-only events, you could also offer electronic sales with a little advance preparation. Set up a Venmo, PayPal, or CashApp account. Or you could rent or purchase a mobile credit card reader. The more payment options you have to offer, the more likely you can facilitate any sale.

Clearly mark the location of the payment table. You could even ask your volunteers to wear a certain color to make them easy to identify. Additionally, make sure you have a secure cash box with enough bills to make change.

Estate sale sign on the curb outside the home

10. Advertise Your Estate Sale

To draw the biggest crowd, you’re going to want to advertise. You could go with more traditional methods like signs, flyers, and newspaper ads. To expand your reach, you can also include online methods, like Facebook, Instagram, community forums, or estate sale websites (like www.EstateSales.net or www.EstateSales.org).

Some advertising will cost money while other options will be free of charge. It’s up to you to decide which options you prefer. Also, when you contact City Hall to look into local guidelines, ask if there are any laws or regulations regarding advertising your estate sale.

For any physical signs you create, make sure they are brightly colored and include the dates, times, and address of your estate sale. You could also include pictures or a list of some big-ticket items you are hoping to sell. Post any signs in places that are clearly visible from the road and include directional arrows.

11. Clean Up and Donate

Once the estate sale is over, it’s time to clean up the house and figure out what’s going to happen to any unsold items. If you have the time and energy, you could try to sell items on eBay or Facebook Marketplace. Alternatively, you could drop everything off at a charity donation center, like Salvation Army, Goodwill, Habitat for Humanity, or a local thrift store you’d like to support. A third option is to rent a roll-off dumpster and just toss everything inside. You could even do a little of all three. It’s up to you what works best for your situation.

With these 11 tips, you have the framework for putting on a successful DIY estate sale. However, if all of this seems like too much to deal with during a time of grief, consider the merits of hiring a professional estate sale company to do it for you. Whether you put it on yourself or go with a professional company, an estate sale can be a financially beneficial way to close out a loved one’s physical estate. Best of luck!

Apr 18

Love0

Person wearing black coat and holding white memorial flower

7 Tips for Planning a Memorial Service

By christy.kessler Educational, Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals

Do you know the main difference between a memorial service and a funeral service? At a funeral service, the deceased’s body is present, either in an open or closed casket. However, at a memorial service, the body is not present and a framed portrait or an urn serves as the focal point, instead of a casket.

You can have a memorial service with either burial or cremation; it all depends on whether the body is present at the service or not. Both options will beautifully honor a loved one’s life – it just depends on your family’s preferences.

If you aren’t sure how to proceed, let’s discuss why having a service is important and 7 helpful tips for planning a memorial service.

Does Having a Service Matter?

Having some sort of ceremony or opportunity to mourn the death of someone loved allows you to acknowledge the reality of the situation and serves as a good first step on the road to healing. According to a study conducted among adults aged 40+, “82 percent said that a service was helpful in paying tribute to or commemorating the life of a friend or family member” and “72 percent believed services they attended were an important part of the healing process.”

Memorial services allow for a great deal of flexibility if additional time is needed to gather together as a family. In fact, it is not uncommon for a memorial service to be held a month or more after the death. Whether you decide on a funeral or a memorial service, it’s important to remember the role that memorialization plays in the grieving process. Spend some time thinking about the type of service that would best honor your loved one’s life and spirit.

7 Tips for Planning a Memorial Service

If you decide to honor your loved one with a memorial service, there are many important choices you will need to make. Here are some tips for creating a rich and meaningful memorial service.

1. Choose a Fitting Location

Since the body will not be present, you have a lot of freedom regarding where the memorial service takes place. A memorial service can be held at the home of the person who has died or a favorite spot of the deceased. People have also used church buildings, local or national parks, community centers, funeral home chapels, the graveside, and even restaurants to pay their respects. No matter where you choose, remember to include a photo of the deceased or bring the urn so people have a visual reminder and can say goodbye.

2. Select Articulate Speakers

Find a few family members and friends who are good public speakers to deliver a eulogy, read poems or scripture, and tell funny or inspiring stories. Since the memorial service often takes place a few weeks after the death, the speakers will have time to gather their thoughts and could even run their ideas by each other.

3. Consider Music

If you are at a venue that accommodates the playing of music, take advantage of this opportunity. Music is a great way to honor the life of a loved one. It communicates feelings that can be hard to put into words. You might play a loved one’s favorite song or another piece of music that ties to the life in a special way. For additional help choosing custom music for a memorial service, check out “How to Personalize Music at a Funeral.”

4. Create a Slideshow

If you choose a location that has some technical capability, you could play a slideshow in honor of your loved one’s life journey. Include pictures or videos of important life events, places, and people that shaped your loved one’s life. For more insight into how a slideshow can be a meaningful addition to a final tribute, take a moment to read “The Importance of a Memorial Tribute Video.”

5. Provide Food and Drink

Many memorial services offer some kind of food, although the type of catering varies widely. You could include a full meal or simply offer light snacks and refreshments. Consider the time of day of the service when deciding on food. Also, you might choose foods that reflect your lost loved one’s preferences. If they loved chicken nuggets, get a tray from their favorite spot. For those with a sweet tooth, include an assortment of their favorite cookies or cakes.

6. Create the Guest List

If the memorial service is being held weeks or months after the death, make a list of everyone you would like to have attend and send out invitations to them. Mail invitations well in advance, so that guests who live far away have time to make travel arrangements. You could also post an invitation on your social media channels if that’s the easiest way for you to reach people.

7. Prepare “Thank You” Cards

Whether you choose a formal or informal setting, you’re likely going to need help as you create a meaningful service. For those closely involved in the planning, take time to thank them. Taking this extra step will also keep your support network alive. Stay in contact with the people who mean the most to you and find the people you can lean on as you begin your grief journey. After all, the memorial service is only the beginning of the road to healing.

Man in blue button-down shirt opening a letter in a brown envelope

These 7 tips will help you plan a meaningful memorial service, but remember, you aren’t on your own with this. The funeral home is available to assist you with memorial service plans. They can take on as much of the planning as you wish. Simply reach out to them and discuss what you’d like to do. They will provide options and help you brainstorm through all the possibilities.