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Ladies of Liberty: Remembering Mercy Otis Warren

By Exclude from Top Posts, Seasonal

“The British were indeed very far superior to the Americans in every respect necessary to military operations, except the revivified courage and resolution, the result of sudden success after despair.”
– Mercy Otis Warren

As we mark the Fourth of July and the independence brought about after the Revolutionary War, it’s impossible not to remember the historical men and women who played key roles in the creation of our nation. Men like George WashingtonBenjamin Franklin, and Thomas Jefferson are easily remembered, but what about the women – the ladies of liberty – who also deserve our remembrance and respect? Today, let’s talk about Mercy Otis Warren and how she influenced the American Revolution with her mightiest weapon – a pen!

Biography

Early years

Born in Barnstable, Massachusetts, on September 14, 1728, Mercy Otis Warren was the third of James and Mary Allyne Otis’s thirteen children. Like many women at the time, Mercy didn’t receive a formal education, but she learned much about history and politics from her father, her uncle, and her older brother, James Otis Jr., who helped her build her passion for writing.

In 1754, Mercy married James Warren, a friend of her brother and a politically active patriot, and the two had five children together. Thanks to her husband’s position and commitment to the colonies’ cause, their house became the center for much of the political action at the time, and the two often hosted groups of Patriots in their home. In fact, she and her husband were friends with John and Abigail Adams, who supported and encouraged their efforts to aid the Revolution, and the two couples often exchanged letters.

Early Influence on the Revolution

As unrest began to build in the colonies, Mercy was determined to build support for the Patriot cause. While she could not become involved in politics as a woman, she did have one powerful skill she could use to influence others: writing. Starting in 1772, Mercy wrote and anonymously published multiple satirical plays and dramas that criticized Britain’s policies and their Loyalist support.

After the Boston Tea Party in December of 1773, John Adams wrote a letter to James, Mercy’s husband, that asked for Mercy to write about the event. Mercy did, writing a poem titled “The Squabble of the Sea Nymphs; or the Sacrifice of the Tuscararoes,” which the Boston Gazette published on their front page. Her works helped fuel support for the Patriots’ cause and brought the nation closer to the fight for independence.

Photo of the US Constitution

Writing the History of a New Nation

While Mercy’s early writings shaped the course of the Revolution, the works she wrote after the Revolution made an even bigger impact. Mercy was unafraid to stand by her political beliefs and examine the actions of even the most powerful politicians despite some of the backlash she received. After the drafting of the Constitution in 1787, Mercy wrote a pamphlet denouncing the Constitution, pointing out that it moved power away from the people without protecting their rights – an argument that encouraged Congress to add the Bill of Rights in 1789.

Additionally, her most famous work is History of the Rise, Progress, and Termination of the American Revolution, a detailed historical account of the Revolution she lived through. Within its pages, Mercy provides a detailed picture of the events of the Revolution, along with her own commentary. Unlike many of her contemporaries, she argued against slavery, stating that the practice was contrary to American principles. While the collection was not popular when published in 1805, Mercy’s account is valued by historians as one of the earliest accounts of the Revolution, with many significant insights about the historical figures of the time.

Mercy continued writing for many years until her death in 1814. She was buried next to her husband at Burial Hill Cemetery in Plymouth, Massachusetts.

Key Contributions

At a time when women were discouraged from formal education and politics, Mercy became a powerful force in both realms. Her writings paved the way for the Revolution and created a space for women’s voices and opinions. In addition, she passionately supported many causes, including the rights of the people, education for women, and the abolition of slavery.

From her plays to her historical accounts, Mercy left her mark on the Revolution and shared her unique perspective on the events she experienced firsthand.

Quill pen and ink bottle next to a stack of handwritten letters

Interesting Facts

  • Hosted political meetings at her home
  • A close friend of many Patriot leaders, including John and Abigail Adams
  • Wrote three satirical plays criticizing British policies: The Adulator (1772), Defeat (1773), and The Group (1775)
  • Wrote History of the Rise, Progress, and Termination of the American Revolution (1805), one of the first accounts of the Revolution
  • The first female historian in the United States
  • A statue of Mercy stands outside of the Barnstable County Courthouse in Massachusetts

The Importance of Legacy and Remembrance

As you can see, Mercy Otis Warren lived an extraordinary life and used her words to help shape our nation during a difficult time. She was a patriot. An intellectual. A wife and mother. A brilliant writer. A feminist. A historian. She left a clear legacy, both to her children and to the fledgling nation she helped found.

As we remember Mercy Otis Warren and the events that made her life both ordinary and extraordinary, take a moment to think about your own life. Are you leaving a legacy that you and your family can be proud of? Have you shared what’s most important with those you care about?

With our legacies, we contribute to the future. What we do matters. While most of us will never be famous or well-known, that’s not the point of a legacy. Instead, think of legacy as your opportunity to take your family and the next generation to a level you can only imagine. Just like Mercy did!

young woman sitting on a bench, smiling with her elderly parents

5 Reasons to Discuss Your Funeral Wishes with Your Family

By Plan Ahead

Planning a funeral after someone has already died can leave family members with many questions and add stress to an already difficult time. But while thinking about your own death can be uncomfortable, planning ahead for your funeral wishes can lift a huge burden off your family’s shoulders.

As you begin to put your wishes down in writing and talk to your funeral director, don’t forget to discuss your wishes for your funeral with your family. While starting the conversation about this sensitive topic may be difficult, the discussion will benefit everyone. Here are 5 reasons you should talk about your funeral wishes with your family:

1. Make Your Wishes Known

young woman sitting on a bench, smiling with her elderly parents

Whether you choose to talk to your family when you start planning or after you already have something on file, they need to know that you’ve thought about what you want for your funeral.

If your family is unaware of your wishes, they may not know which decisions to make. That can lead to emotional overspending, where a family spends more because they want to get “only the best” for their loved one. When you talk to your family about your wishes, they can make more confident decisions during the planning process.

By sharing your wishes with them, you ensure that you’re all on the same page. Your family will know exactly what you want, and you’ll know that your wishes will be carried out.

2. Get Another Opinion

elderly african american couple smiling and hugging outside

In some cases, you may not know exactly what you want. Maybe you know you prefer burial but don’t know where you’d want a service to be held. Or maybe you just need a second opinion from someone you trust.

When answering tough questions like these, discussing your wishes with your family members can be helpful! Your family members are often the people who know you the best, and their suggestions could help you make decisions. Plus, by talking with them as you create your plan, they’ll better understand the reasoning behind your wishes.

However, if you think your family members might object to some of your wishes or influence you to make decisions you don’t want, don’t feel pressured to discuss your wishes with them before you have everything set! You can always wait and let them know after your wishes are on file.

3. Prepare Your Family

older couple playing with their young grandson outside

Whether you include your family in the planning process or not, discussing your wishes with them will help them understand what you want and make sure they aren’t surprised by your wishes, like if you choose to donate your body to science or have an outdoor service instead of one at your church.

In addition, as you discuss your wishes with your family, you’ll need to let them know where your funeral wishes are on file. What funeral home did you plan with? Who is the funeral director you talked to? Where are the important documents they’ll need, like your birth certificate, will, or other estate planning documents?

By letting your family know about your wishes, they’ll be ready to answer questions at the arrangement conference. Plus, they’ll know where to go and who to talk to!

4. Avoid Disagreements

large family with grandparents celebrating a birthday

After a loved one dies, emotions can run high. Family members are grieving, and they often have different ideas about what should be done to honor that special person’s life. This difference of opinion can lead to heated disagreements when there are no clear answers about what the deceased wanted.

When you clearly discuss your wishes with your family, you can eliminate confusion and give your family a guide to your wishes. And since what you verbally tell your family could be forgotten or misremembered, it’s important to also record your wishes and put them on file with your chosen funeral home.

5. Give Everyone Peace of Mind

young man hugging elderly mother

One of the best parts of sharing your wishes with your family is the peace of mind that everyone gains. When you tell your family you have a plan in place, you lift the burden of planning a funeral off of their shoulders and eliminate the unknowns.

And if you choose to prepay for your funeral, you also remove the financial burden for your family. They’ll know that everything is taken care of; they won’t have to find a way to pay for the funeral or wait for life insurance.

By answering the many questions that arise while funeral planning, you give your family one less thing to worry about. Plus, you’ll gain peace of mind, knowing that your family is taken care of and your wishes will be followed.

As you talk to your family about your funeral wishes, give them time to process and think through what you’ve shared. Because we often avoid talking about death, your family members may react in different ways. Be patient and know that your preparation will make things easier for everyone.

More Information About Planning Ahead

Why Plan Ahead for Funeral Wishes?

10 Reasons to Plan Ahead

5 Emotional Benefits to Funeral Preplanning

How to Get Started With Funeral Preplanning

6 Ways You Can Save Money with Funeral Preplanning & Prefunding

9 Preplanning Mistakes to Avoid

How to Personalize Symbols at a Funeral

By Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Personalization, Planning Tools

The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can use symbols to personalize a loved one’s final tribute and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.

Urn resting in a circle of red roses, acting as a symbol for a gathering of mourners

 First, Why Does Personalization Matter?

I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.”  – Dr. Alan Wolfelt

In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!

A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about symbols and their role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!

Pallbearers carrying casket into church for funeral service

How to Personalize Symbols at a Funeral

Symbols are an important aspect of a funeral because they convey love and comfort, facilitate expression, and offer a focus point for the bereaved. Common symbols are an appropriate religious symbol, flowers, personal items, candles, or whatever feels best to honor your loved one.

1. Include appropriate religious symbols

For people of faith, consider including religious symbols at the service. At a Catholic or Protestant Christian funeral, this could mean placing the Bible or a cross in a prominent location. For Jewish funerals, perhaps you could include the Star of David or read meaningful passages from the Torah.  Depending on the religion the person followed, there are many possible symbols to incorporate that would honor their beliefs. If the person whose life you want to celebrate wasn’t religious, check out How to Plan a Healing Funeral if You Are Not Religious.

2. Include cultural or traditional elements

Another possible source for symbols is cultural or traditional elements. For example, it’s customary in the United States to place the casket or urn in a place of prominence so that it will be the focal point of a service. Or you could have a funeral procession, which acts as a symbol of respect and final rest. Drape a flag over a veteran’s casket or urn. Also, consider including cultural elements. For example, in many Asian countries, white is the color of mourning. You may choose to include white flowers or white accents to honor that tradition.

Woman wearing black holding white chrysanthemums

3. Turn special items into symbols

If you’d like an even more personal option, you can turn special items into symbols. For one grieving family, an appropriate symbol was the quilts their grandmother made. Before her death, she made a quilt for every child and grandchild, and at her final tribute, the quilts were displayed on the pews – a representation of her love and impact on her family. You could use a prized record collection, personal artwork, or even bring their Harley-Davidson into the venue.

4. Invite guests to participate

If you’d like to add a much broader symbolic element to a loved one’s final tribute, consider inviting guests to participate. You could ask everyone to wear the deceased’s favorite color. If they were a Harry Potter or Star Wars fan, ask people to wear something in that theme. You could ask guests to bring in a favorite photo to add to a group collage set up near the casket or urn. There are so many ways to include others in adding meaningful symbolism to a funeral service.

Military service member holding a folded American flag

Questions to Help You Brainstorm

If ideas aren’t coming to mind already, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what kinds of symbols you could include at a service.

  • Are there any traditional funeral elements that bring you comfort?
  • Is there a part of your cultural or religious background that should be included?
  • Did your loved one collect anything?
  • Was your loved one part of any groups that have recognizable symbols?
  • Did their choice of career include any symbols, such as a stethoscope for a doctor?

Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for choosing symbols that will not only personalize the funeral but add special meaning as well. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.

Gold pearl earrings resting on white fabric

What Clothing Do I Need to Provide for a Viewing?

By Educational, Explore Options

While families sometimes choose to skip the viewing, it plays an important role in grieving. A viewing or visitation provides time for those who are grieving to gather together and support each other. And since the body is present at a viewing, family members and friends can see their loved one, say goodbye in person, and accept the reality of the death, which is an essential step in the grieving process.

As you prepare for the viewing, you’ll need to bring clothing, accessories, and makeup for the deceased. While your funeral director can give you more details on what they need, here are a few things to remember.

Clothing

Navy blue suit jacket as a piece of clothing for a viewing

There are plenty of factors to consider when choosing clothing for the viewing. Traditionally, the deceased is often dressed in their “Sunday best” suit or dress, but as times have changed, this aspect of the viewing has become more personalized. If your loved one didn’t express their wishes about the choice of clothing ahead of time, consider their religious and cultural background, favorite pieces of clothing, and interests.

Some religions and cultures have guidelines or traditions surrounding the deceased’s clothing, whether a particular outfit or a specific color. If your loved one was a person of faith, talk with their religious leader about typical funeral customs and requirements for a viewing. Additionally, if your loved one had a strong connection to their culture, you can opt for a traditional garment.

To create a more personal visitation, you can also choose clothing that was meaningful to your loved one. Did they have a favorite sports jersey they always wore? Were they a dancer who had a favorite tuxedo or dress? Did you always see them wearing their favorite leather jacket or sweater? If they were a member of the military, would they want to have their uniform on? These personal touches to your loved one’s outfit can help create a more meaningful experience.

As you gather clothing for your loved one, remember to include undergarments, shoes, and socks. While funeral homes often have these items on hand, providing them will make things easier for your funeral director.

Accessories

Gold pearl earrings resting on white fabric

In addition to clothing, you can provide accessories for the viewing that your loved one typically wore. These small touches can help your loved one look more like themselves. If your loved one always wore glasses, a wig, a hairpiece, or a bowtie, you can include those items when you bring the clothing.

Jewelry is another item to consider. Did your mom have a favorite pair of earrings? Did your dad always wear his class ring? If they were a service member, do they have military decorations you can include? Keep in mind that hanging jewelry, like necklaces or earrings, may look different on someone who is lying down.

After the viewing, you can also request that these items be returned, especially if they are meaningful to your family. Whether you provide your loved one’s favorite watch or the bracelet they always wore, jewelry and other accessories can help make the visitation more meaningful.

Makeup

makeup and eyeshadow palette with brushes and beauty blenders

While funeral homes will typically have their own makeup to use, every person has their own style, shades, and preferences regarding cosmetics. If your loved one regularly wore makeup, you may want to provide the funeral home with your loved one’s products for the mortuary cosmetologist to use while preparing the body for the viewing.

Additionally, it’s important to provide a reference photo of your loved one so the embalmer and the mortuary cosmetologist can accurately recreate your loved one’s hairstyle and makeup. Try to choose a current photo rather than an older one, and let your funeral director know of any specific requests you have.

As you gather the items for the viewing or visitation, consider your loved one’s preferences and talk to your funeral director about what you need to provide. They can give you ideas to make the viewing more personal and ensure no items are forgotten.

Two women at an estate sale, one buying an item

11 Tips for Planning a DIY Estate Sale

By Educational

After the death of a loved one, you may find yourself needing to sort out that person’s physical estate – their home and belongings. This task can be difficult, especially if the death was recent, but with a plan in place, you can make the process easier. If an estate sale seems the best way to downsize and financially benefit the surviving family, consider these 11 tips for putting on a successful DIY estate sale.

NOTE: If there are any disputes regarding the estate, wait until those conflicts are resolved before hosting an estate sale. Also, honor any bequests in the legal will before putting items up for sale.

11 Tips for Planning a DIY Estate Sale

Woman sitting in her kitchen, talking on the phone with laptop on table in front of her

1. Check Local Guidelines

While the first step isn’t glamorous, it’s best to know what you can and can’t do before you get started. Some cities may require a permit or have certain rules about street signage, parking, or even the day of the week.

The best thing to do is call your City Hall (and your HOA, if applicable) and ask about any laws or regulations regarding estate sales. They will have all the information you need to stay within the bounds of local law.

Silver decorative tea pots and other household items

2. Sort Items and Create an Inventory

Next, figure out what you want to sell. Hold onto any items that have strong sentimental value and give close family members the opportunity to choose a few mementoes before creating your inventory. Once you’ve removed the items you want to keep, start cataloguing what you’d like to sell.

The most common items to sell are jewelry, artwork, clothing, antiques, furniture, appliances, silverware and china, and other household items. You could also sell cars, trucks, campers, electronics, boats, and other large items.

What are some items you shouldn’t sell? Do not sell liquor (a license is required). If items are significantly frayed or damaged (especially car seats, helmets, or items pertaining to safety), do not add them to your inventory. Their ability to protect may be compromised due to heavy use and should not be passed on to others.

Image of American passport, birth certificate, and social security card set against backdrop of American flag

3. Remove Any Personal Items

As you sort and create your inventory, remove any personal items at the same time. For example, remove used toiletries, broken items, and other things that will just be thrown away. Additionally, remove any personal documentation, like medical bills, passports, licenses, birth certificates, family photos, and official military documents. Also, if you come across unused prescription medications, make sure to properly dispose of them so they aren’t misused.

Man in suit holding the "X" on the word "TAX" spelled out

4. Look into Tax Implications

Now that you have your inventory, it’s time to find out whether the estate sale will have tax implications for you. While the sale of small items isn’t necessarily going to trigger additional taxes, the sale of larger or rarer items could. For example, are you selling cars? Valuable artwork, antiques, jewelry, or collectibles? These items could add up until they reach the threshold for reporting.

So, with your inventory in hand, speak with a trusted tax professional. They will help you understand whether you may owe taxes when the estate sale is over.

Calendar with red thumbtack on a specific date

5. Set the Date

Next, keeping your city’s guidelines in mind, you can look at setting a date for your estate sale. Always consider your own calendar first. How much time do you need to organize, price items, gather helping hands, advertise, and so on? Give yourself plenty of time.

Most estate sales occur around the weekend – Thursday through Sunday – and last two or three days. If there are a lot of estate sales in your area, you could instead choose to host the sale during the week to stand out a bit more from the competition.

Estate sales items with pricing stickers

6. Price Your Items Strategically

Pricing is perhaps the most difficult part of the process. You want to charge enough, but not so much that people don’t want to buy.

Before you price items, do a little research into their resale value. Also, take the item’s condition into account when pricing. For more in-demand items, place a higher price tag. For easy-to-acquire items, like clothing or kitchenware, choose a lower price tag.

And if you want to keep it simple, do bulk sales. For example, “All paperback books $2. All hardback books $3.” And as the estate sale progresses, you can reduce pricing to entice shoppers to buy even more. You could use a pricing scale like “Day 1: Full Price, Day 2: 25% Off, Day 3: 50% Off.” The goal is to sell as much as possible and that may mean negotiating or reducing prices as the sale goes on.

Estate sale clothing organized and neatly set out

7. Stage the House

To increase your chances of selling items, it’s best to make sure everything is organized and displayed neatly. If your shoppers have to sort through junk piles, they are less likely to stay and discover the treasures waiting to be found.

Instead, you could display silverware, china, and other kitchen items together. Place all the clothes on racks in one area of the house. Group similar clothes together – men’s, women’s, unisex, and children’s. Use the larger spaces to display furniture. Also, ensure that there are easy pathways to get from room to room and add signage to help people know what’s where. And if there are any spaces you don’t want people wandering into, put up “Off Limits” signs.

Two women at an estate sale, one buying an item

8. Find People to Staff the Sale

You can’t run an estate sale on your own. So, reach out to your support network to find people who will help you staff the sale.

Here are a few ways trusted friends or family could help:

  • Run the payment station
  • Load purchased furniture into vehicles
  • Answer questions
  • Direct traffic
  • Monitor each room to answer questions and discourage theft
  • Lightly reorganize an area when items nearby are purchased
  • Look after any children or pets to keep them out of the way

If you’d like, you could also set up an area where shoppers can purchase baked goods and refreshing beverages. The proceeds could go to benefit a good cause or simply increase the revenue of the estate sale. If it’s a hot day, having cold water bottles on hand for a dollar or two each could keep your shoppers cool and encourage them to stay longer.

Closed red metal cash box

9. Set Up an Easy Payment System

While many estate sales are cash-only events, you could also offer electronic sales with a little advance preparation. Set up a Venmo, PayPal, or CashApp account. Or you could rent or purchase a mobile credit card reader. The more payment options you have to offer, the more likely you can facilitate any sale.

Clearly mark the location of the payment table. You could even ask your volunteers to wear a certain color to make them easy to identify. Additionally, make sure you have a secure cash box with enough bills to make change.

Estate sale sign on the curb outside the home

10. Advertise Your Estate Sale

To draw the biggest crowd, you’re going to want to advertise. You could go with more traditional methods like signs, flyers, and newspaper ads. To expand your reach, you can also include online methods, like Facebook, Instagram, community forums, or estate sale websites (like www.EstateSales.net or www.EstateSales.org).

Some advertising will cost money while other options will be free of charge. It’s up to you to decide which options you prefer. Also, when you contact City Hall to look into local guidelines, ask if there are any laws or regulations regarding advertising your estate sale.

For any physical signs you create, make sure they are brightly colored and include the dates, times, and address of your estate sale. You could also include pictures or a list of some big-ticket items you are hoping to sell. Post any signs in places that are clearly visible from the road and include directional arrows.

Man donating items to a thrift store

11. Clean Up and Donate

Once the estate sale is over, it’s time to clean up the house and figure out what’s going to happen to any unsold items. If you have the time and energy, you could try to sell items on eBay or Facebook Marketplace. Alternatively, you could drop everything off at a charity donation center, like Salvation Army, Goodwill, Habitat for Humanity, or a local thrift store you’d like to support. A third option is to rent a roll-off dumpster and just toss everything inside. You could even do a little of all three. It’s up to you what works best for your situation.

With these 11 tips, you have the framework for putting on a successful DIY estate sale. However, if all of this seems like too much to deal with during a time of grief, consider the merits of hiring a professional estate sale company to do it for you. Whether you put it on yourself or go with a professional company, an estate sale can be a financially beneficial way to close out a loved one’s physical estate. Best of luck!

Man in uniform sitting on couch, talking on phone as he learns about veterans' burial benefits

What Are My Burial Benefits as a Veteran?

By Planning Tools, Veterans No Comments

When you’re planning a funeral for a veteran, it’s always a good idea to look into the burial benefits that are available through the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA). Some families are able to save hundreds, or even thousands, of dollars by tapping into these financial benefits. But what benefits are available to veterans?

Man in uniform sitting on couch, talking on phone as he learns about veterans' burial benefits

Reimbursement for Funeral Services

When a veteran dies, the surviving family members may apply for an allowance as partial reimbursement for an eligible veteran’s burial/cremation and funeral costs. Allowances are split into two types: a burial allowance and a plot allowance. Make sure you keep all receipts from the veteran’s funeral services, so they can be submitted with your application for reimbursement.

The allowance amount depends on several factors, including whether or not the death was service-related. To learn more about allowance amounts and how to apply, please click here.

Weathered military dog tag that says "Thank you veterans" on it; American flag in the background

Burial in a National Cemetery

Some veterans may choose burial in a U.S. National Cemetery or state veterans cemetery.

For burial in a national cemetery, all expenses are fully covered, at no cost to the family. However, because the VA takes on full responsibility for burial, the surviving family cannot apply for a plot allowance. (They can still apply for reimbursement on other funeral services.) Click here to learn about the eligibility requirements for burial in a U.S. National Cemetery.

However, with a state veterans cemetery, there may be some costs. These types of cemeteries are run by the individual states and may have their own rules and regulations. The cost will likely be minimal, but it’s not guaranteed to be free of charge. Your funeral director will know which state veterans cemeteries are close by and can help you figure out if there will be a cost for burial.

The VA does not pay for burial in a private cemetery, but the family can apply for a plot allowance to assist with the cost of purchasing a plot or niche. Additionally, a veteran’s family can still request a government-issued headstone.

Government-issued headstones at a U.S. National Cemetery with American flags planted in the ground

Headstones and Grave Markers

A deceased veteran, discharged under any condition except dishonorable, is entitled to a standard government headstone or marker. Upon request, the VA will furnish the headstone or marker for the gravesite.

Markers are available for both burial and cremation. Flat markers come in granite, marble, and bronze while upright headstones are available in granite and marble. In national cemeteries or veteran state cemeteries, the style must be consistent with existing monuments or markers at the burial site.

Click here to learn more about grave markers, headstones, and medallions available through the VA.

United States Burial Flag

The VA will provide a United States flag to drape over the casket or urn of a deceased veteran. Only one flag is provided per veteran. In general, the next of kin receives the flag; however, the VA will furnish the flag to a friend upon request.

Group of military members saluting

What Documents Do You Need to Claim VA Burial Benefits?

One of the most difficult tasks for a survivor after the death of the veteran is the completion of numerous claims forms for VA benefits. To help facilitate the process of claiming a veteran’s burial benefits, below is a list of documents you will need to bring with you to the VA office:

  • Proof of veteran’s military service (Form DD214)
  • Service serial number or Social Security Number
  • Veteran’s birth certificate (to determine a parent’s benefits)
  • Veteran’s death certificate
  • Marriage license (if applicable) or divorce decree
  • Children’s birth certificates (if applicable)
  • Government life insurance policy

For more information about veterans’ benefits, please call the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs or visit their website at www.va.gov/burials-memorials.

Additional Resources

Top 4 Misunderstandings Around Veterans’ Burial Benefits
Veterans’ Burial Benefits FAQ
Everything You Need to Know About Government-Issued Veteran Headstones
Does the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) Pay for a Veteran’s Funeral?
Why Should Veterans Plan Ahead?

 

group of people of mixed ages, races, and gender, smiling with a positive mindset

Living Better: How Positive Thinking Can Improve Your Life

By Estate Planning, Living Well, Plan Ahead

As we get older, we tend to reflect on our lives and examine how we’ve lived. Did we live a meaningful life? Have we left behind a legacy that we’re proud of? While everyone has a different idea of what a “meaningful” or “good” life looks like, making small, positive changes, like creating a positive mindset, can help you feel more fulfilled and healthier.

group of people of mixed ages, races, and gender, smiling with a positive mindset

One way to make changes and create a positive mindset is to build a habit of positive thinking! Studies suggest that positive thinking can significantly improve physical and mental health. It’s not always easy to view the glass as half full, but with practice and persistence, you can cultivate a state of mind that will make you more appreciative of the good in life and more accepting of the bad.

Here are a few ways to build a positive mindset and improve your life!

Practice Contentment

Older happy couple sitting in a green field of dandelions

What does it mean to be happy? Most people don’t find happiness in a stable job, a large paycheck, or even fulfilling their biggest goals. Instead, the most significant factor that influences true happiness is contentment, being satisfied with your current situation.

Maybe you don’t have as much in your retirement savings as you would like. Maybe you never got to work at your dream job. Or maybe you’re experiencing more physical pain as you age. All of these things can be genuinely frustrating, but choosing acceptance and contentment can help you build a more positive perspective.

Instead of focusing on what you don’t have or dwelling on “If only” or “I wish” statements, try to find ways to be content with where you are. Adversity and hardship are a natural part of life, and learning to accept those negative experiences can help improve your health and create a more meaningful, enjoyable life.

Create a Habit of Gratitude

Young woman looking out a window and writing in a gratitude journal

Contentment is the ability to deal with life’s negative events, and gratitude is the flip side of that: the ability to focus on and cherish positive events. Studies suggest that practicing gratitude can reduce stress, lessen anxiety, and improve overall health, thereby increasing quality of life.

But often, it’s easier to focus on the negative aspects of life instead of the positive aspects, especially during hard times or when you’re grieving. Thanks to this negativity bias, practicing gratitude can be a struggle. However, if you build up a habit of gratitude by finding something to be thankful for every day, you can find positivity on even the most challenging day.

How can you build a habit of gratitude? One way is to spend a few minutes each day writing in a gratitude journal. You could also set aside time to say what you’re grateful for, like when you’re doing the dishes or driving to work. Whether you have big or small things that you’re thankful for, taking a few minutes to appreciate them can help you create a positive mindset.

Choose Your Thoughts Wisely

Young african american man thinking with his eyes closed and a smile on his face

What you think has great power. The thoughts you focus on affect your words, actions, and overall mindset. While we can’t always choose the thoughts that enter our minds, we can control what we do with those thoughts. When a negative thought about your appearance, personality, or past enters your mind, do you internalize it and dwell on it? Or do you dismiss it, shift your focus to positive attributes, or take time to remind yourself of what’s important?

In the same way, you can shift your inner dialogue to focus on positivity. When you catch yourself being overly critical of yourself or others, pause and evaluate your thoughts. Is your inner voice being helpful or just judgemental? Is there something more beneficial you can think about? The answer is usually yes!

This doesn’t mean that you try to suffocate negative thoughts and emotions. Negative feelings are a natural part of life, and letting yourself experience them is essential. But as you build a positive mindset, you can learn to differentiate between healthy and unhealthy thoughts.

Of course, having a positive mindset is not the only way to a better quality of life. Eating well, exercising regularly, and avoiding destructive habits are also important for your well-being. But by training your brain to think positively, you can get so much more out of life – and enjoy it more, too!

Close up view of a veteran's arm in uniform with American flag badge and flag in the background

Everything You Need to Know About Government-Issued Veteran Headstones

By Plan Ahead, Veterans

Whether you’re planning a funeral for a loved one who was a veteran or planning ahead for your own funeral, it’s important to learn about the burial benefits available to eligible veterans. One benefit that many veterans qualify for is a government-issued headstone, grave marker, or niche marker.

Permanent memorials, like headstones and markers, play an essential role in the grieving process and give loved ones a place to remember and honor the deceased. Depending on the level of personalization and the size of the memorial, the costs of a headstone can add up, which makes this veteran benefit worth exploring.

Veterans cemetery with government-issued headstone

But who is eligible for a headstone, and what types of headstones and markers does the government provide? Let’s look at the basics of veteran headstones!

Who is Eligible?

To be eligible for a government-issued headstone or marker, veterans or active-duty service members must meet specific requirements. Veterans or service members who did not receive a dishonorable discharge or who died on active duty may be eligible to receive a government-issued headstone if they either died on or after November 1, 1990 or are buried in an unmarked grave. National Guard members and Reservists may also be eligible but have different requirements.

Close up view of a veteran's arm in uniform with American flag badge and flag in the background

The government can provide memorial headstones or markers for veterans or active-duty service members “whose remains are not recovered or identified, are buried at sea, donated to science or whose cremated remains have been scattered” (National Cemetery Administration). Additionally, a veteran’s spouse or dependent children may be eligible for a government-issued headstone or marker.

If a veteran, active duty service member, or military spouse was buried in a private cemetery and already has a privately purchased headstone, the VA may provide a medallion. However, veterans must meet specific requirements, and a local cemetery official may need to approve the addition of a medallion.

A veteran does not need to be buried in a veterans’ cemetery to be eligible for a government-issued headstone or marker. Find the complete list of eligibility requirements on the VA’s website here.

Types of Headstones and Markers

Folded American flag on a table

The VA offers a variety of headstones, grave markers, and medallions for eligible veterans and active-duty service members. If you choose one of these government-issued options, remember that there are specific guidelines about cleaning government-furnished headstones and markers. Also, inscriptions and personalization options are more limited (see Inscriptions section below).

Additionally, check with your chosen cemetery to see if they have specific requirements for headstones and markers before submitting your request. If your chosen cemetery is a veterans cemetery, they may also place the order on your behalf.

Upright Granite or Marble Headstone

Often used at national veterans cemeteries, upright government-issued headstones are 13″ wide and 4″ thick. In private cemeteries, lithichrome, a type of stone paint, may be used to darken the lettering on the headstone. However, national cemeteries typically do not use lithichrome so the headstones look consistent as they age and weather.

Flat Granite or Marble Grave Marker

These stone grave markers weigh about 130 pounds and are 24″ x 12″. The government typically doesn’t use lithichrome on these markers, and the marker’s color may vary depending on the type of stone chosen.

Flat Bronze Grave Marker

Much like the granite and marble grave markers, the bronze grave marker measures 24″ x 12″. A base for the marker isn’t included, but bolts, nuts, and washers will be provided.

Bronze Niche Marker

For those who choose cremation and display their urn in a niche, the VA may provide a bronze niche marker. The niche marker will be 8.5″ x 5.5″, and mounting bolts and washers are supplied.

Medallions

As mentioned above, the VA also offers medallions for eligible veterans with a privately-purchased headstone. There are two types of medallions: bronze or Medal of Honor. Each option has different size options to choose from and can be affixed to a headstone.

Read more details about government-issued headstones, markers, and medallions on this page.

Inscriptions on Government-Issued Headstones and Markers

government-issued headstone with flowers

When requesting a government-issued headstone or marker, remember that any inscriptions must adhere to the VA’s guidelines. The mandatory inscription will include the veteran’s legal name, years of birth and death, and branch of service. If the veteran is buried in a state or national veterans cemetery, the headstone will have the section and grave number.

Other than those mandatory items, you can add other inscriptions, like nicknames, unit designations, highest rank attained, awards, or information about war service. You can also request specific “emblems of belief.” However, these additions must be provided by the veteran’s next of kin or an authorized representative and approved by the VA. For more details on accepted inscriptions and how to request them, please visit the National Cemetery Administration Inscriptions page.

As you consider your options for a veteran’s headstone, monument, or marker, think about what’s most important to you. There are many government-issued choices, but you can always explore other memorial options if you would rather have something unique and highly personalized.

For other questions about government-issued headstones and markers, please see the VA’s FAQ page.

Learn More About Veterans’ Burial Benefits

Woman kneeling in front of a slant or bevel grave marker

Quick Guide: Selecting and Installing a Grave Marker

By Cemeteries, Explore Options

As human beings, we have an innate desire to remember and be remembered. This is one reason why permanent memorials, such as grave markers and memorial plaques, are so important. They provide a place for family and friends to reflect on and remember a loved one’s life and legacy. Permanent memorials also give future generations a place to anchor themselves to the past and discover their own roots.

Young man and woman wearing black and visiting a loved one's grave

If you are planning for burial, you may have questions about selecting and installing a grave marker. Below are some suggestions to keep in mind as you consider what type of permanent memorial best fits your specific needs. Please note – both caskets and urns can be buried, so even if you choose cremation, a permanent memorial is something to consider.

Look into the specific guidelines and regulations of your cemetery

Before deciding on the material and style of a grave marker, speak with your chosen cemetery. Some cemeteries have certain restrictions about what they do and do not allow. For example, space limitations may prohibit a large grave marker, or they may require a flat plaque to make ground maintenance easier. Contact the cemetery to determine if they have any rules or regulations regarding permanent memorials.

Woman kneeling in front of a slant or bevel grave marker

Select the type of grave marker

When choosing a grave marker, the first thing you will need to select is a type. The grave marker you choose is based on personal preference, unless you must adhere to cemetery regulations.

Here are some common options to consider:

  • Footstone – Generally made of marble, this marker is located at the foot of the grave.
  • Upright Headstone – The traditional style of marker that sits tall in the ground.
  • Flat Marker – Lies flush with the ground and has a minimalist design.
  • Slant Marker – Similar to a flat marker but taller with an upward slant to make reading the inscription easier. Also includes a minimalist design.
  • Bevel Marker – Looks a bit like a pillow; slightly raised off the ground, slanting downwards from the back to the front.
  • Niche Marker – Usually found in a mausoleum, this plaque attaches to the wall outside a niche.
  • Ledger Stone – A large stone that covers the entire space above a grave.

Mature man sitting next to a ledger stone in a cemetery

Choose the grave marker material

In addition to choosing a type of grave marker, you will also need to choose a material. Some grave markers only come in specific materials, so be sure to speak with the monument company about your options.

The following are some common materials to choose from:

  • Granite – Known for its durability, this is a very popular choice. Over the years, granite has become increasingly affordable and is now one of the less expensive options.
  • Marble – Often chosen for aesthetic reasons, marble is a beautiful, smooth material. Unfortunately, it also weathers easily, so the inscription may eventually fade.
  • Stainless Steel – A newer type of grave marker, stainless steel is less susceptible to weathering than most other materials.
  • Bronze – A sturdy and aesthetically pleasing choice, bronze requires very little upkeep. However, it is a more expensive option.
  • Limestone – A traditional, elegant material, limestone is visually pleasing but weak. The softness of this material makes it particularly vulnerable to environmental decay.

Customizing a grave marker with an etched image

Consider adding custom elements to the grave marker

Depending on your chosen cemetery, you may have the option to customize a loved one’s grave marker. This could include adding a photo, personalizing the inscription, or choosing a custom shape, like a heart or a book. You will partner with a monument company to design a loved one’s grave marker, so during that consultation, ask about your custom options and see if anything appeals to you as a way to honor your loved one’s memory. Click here for more information abut personalizing grave markers.

Ask about the cemetery’s installation services

Because installing a grave marker takes skill and knowledge, cemeteries often offer installation services. When you speak with the cemetery personnel, ask about the installation fee and how much it is. In the off chance that they don’t offer installation services, you can pay a local monument installer to set it for you. The cemetery can direct you to a trusted local installer.

Row of veteran grave stones with American flags planted beside each one

Look into your headstone options as a veteran

If you are an eligible veteran or veteran dependent (like a spouse), the Department of Veterans Affairs will provide a free headstone or appropriate marker for your grave. To receive a government-issued headstone, a veteran can be buried in a national cemetery, a state veterans cemetery, a military post or base cemetery, or a private cemetery.

However, a veteran’s dependents aren’t eligible to receive a free headstone if they are buried in a private cemetery. Installation fees at a private cemetery may still apply.

To learn more about your grave marker options with the Department of Veterans Affairs, visit their website.

Get creative with green or natural grave markers

If your family is interested in green or natural burial, you may want to consider planting a tree or a shrub at the gravesite. This option is environmentally friendly and could be particularly meaningful if the deceased was fond of nature. Some green or natural cemeteries will allow you to place a small, flat stone as a marker, but they do not allow the use of standard grave markers. To learn more about green or natural burial, click here.

Wooden heart grave marker resting on a moss-covered tree in a green cemetery

Plan ahead for cemetery needs

After the loss of a loved one, families are often distracted from their grief by all the decisions that must be made. By planning ahead, you can remove many of these funeral planning obstacles ahead of time. Talk to your loved ones about your preferences in advance or work with a local funeral home and cemetery to outline your wishes. When they don’t know a loved one’s preferences, many families agonize over whether or not they made the right funeral choices. With a little advance preparation, you can make a difficult time easier for your surviving family members.

If you have more questions about selecting or installing a grave marker, reach out to your chosen cemetery. They will answer your questions and help you understand your options.

Woman with a gray fuzzy sweater holding a small green bird and smiling

Protect Your Pet: 4 Steps to Create an Estate Plan for Your Pet

By Estate Planning, Pets

When creating an estate plan, most people think about caring for their families after they die. But what about your pets? How do you know that your pet will continue to be cared for?

There are plenty of crazy stories about the rich setting aside millions for their pets, but you don’t have to be a millionaire to make sure your pet is cared for after your death. Follow these 4 steps to create a plan to protect your pet!

DISCLAIMER: Individual circumstances and state laws vary. Only undertake estate planning with the help and assistance of an attorney licensed in your state.

1. Choose a Caretaker

Woman with a gray fuzzy sweater holding a small green bird and smiling

Who do you want to care for your pet when you’re gone? Picking a caretaker is an important first step.

Do you have a responsible friend or family member who gets along well with your pet? While you look for a possible caretaker, talk to the people you trust to see if they would be interested. Some people may have other pets, small children, or demanding jobs that could make them unwilling or unable to take on the extra responsibility.

If you don’t know anyone who can care for your pet, there are other options. Pet legacy programs around the world work to connect pets with loving families after they lose their owners. You could also leave your pet with a local no-kill animal sanctuary or rescue organization that will find it a new home.

2. Add Your Pet to Your Estate Plan

Small fluffy brown dog running in green grass

Once you’ve chosen a caretaker, you have several options for ensuring your pet goes to them. The most common ways to leave your pet to your chosen caretaker are with a non-legal arrangement, a clause in your will, a trust, or a pet power of attorney. Before deciding, consider whether there may be a conflict about your pet’s care among your family or any extra provisions you want to make, like setting aside money for your pet’s care (see point #4).

As you consider the best option for you and your pet, talk to your estate planning attorney. They can provide you with extra information regarding your state’s specific regulations and help you set up a plan that fits your needs.

3. Share Your Pet’s History

Vet holding a black and white bunny

Even if your caretaker is someone you know, they’ll need extra information about your pet’s history. To help with that, you can create a document with the necessary information. Consider adding details about your pet’s:

  • Vaccination history
  • Current and past medications
  • Medical issues (past and present)
  • Adoption papers
  • Any American Kennel Club or other breed registration information
  • Special dietary needs

Make sure to keep the document up-to-date when things change with your pet.

4. Set Aside Funds

Older woman petting a peaceful cat on her lap

Because pets are legally considered property, you can’t leave them money in your will. However, you can set aside funds to help pay for their food, care, and medical expenses as they transition to their new caretaker. One of the most common ways to do this is by setting up a pet trust.

If you choose to set aside funds for your pet’s care, consider the typical cost of their food, medical expenses, etc. By providing these funds for your chosen caregiver, you can lighten the burden of caring for your pet and ensure that your pet is cared for in the way you want.

While thinking about what will happen to your pet after you’re gone can be sad, remember that planning ahead can make the transition easier for them. Once you make decisions about your pet’s future, trust yourself and your choices. You know your pet best, and once you have an estate plan for your pet in place, you can rest easy knowing that they’ll be well cared for.

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