When someone you know has lost a loved one, you likely want to be there to support them. Bringing a meal is a great way to do that! After losing a loved one, families have a lot going on, and it can be hard to plan, shop for, and cook meals. By bringing them a meal, you can help make their time of grieving a little bit easier.
If you decide to help your friends out by providing a meal, here are a few tips to keep in mind:
Contact the family ahead of time
Before you drop off a meal for a family, contact them to find out what day and time works best for them. They may have other people bringing meals, or there may be days when they aren’t in town. If no one has created one, you can set up a Meal Train or Take Them a Meal schedule so friends and family can coordinate meals for the grieving family.
On the day you’re scheduled to drop off the meal, make sure to contact the family to set up a time to drop it off. That way, they’ll know you’re still coming and can ensure someone is at the house to accept the food.
If something comes up and you can’t make your scheduled time, contact the family as soon as possible to let them know and arrange an alternative, like ordering pizza to be delivered to their house or switching days with someone else.
Choose a dish based on the family’s preferences
If a meal schedule is already set up, check to see if the family has provided any information about food preferences, allergies, and dietary needs. If not, contact the family to find out what they would prefer.
Depending on the family’s wishes, you can bring food from a restaurant, make something for them, or provide a ready-to-bake dish. Many people bring casseroles and lasagna, so suggest a few options you’re comfortable cooking and ask the family what they’d prefer.
If the family is open to options, lean toward foods that aren’t too spicy or exotic unless that’s their preference. Avoid common allergens, and try to bring dishes that are easy to freeze in case they don’t eat everything at once. For ideas on good recipes to bring to a grieving family, check out Pinch of Yum or this article from Love to Know.
Also, consider bringing sides with your meal, like garlic bread or salad. You can also add snacks for the family, like cut veggies, fruit, or chips. These can add some variety and give them something to enjoy between meals.
Use disposable containers
When putting together your meal, use disposable pans or baking sheets you don’t want back. You could also check your local thrift store for baking dishes to give to the family. When you drop off the food, be sure to let the family know that you don’t need the container back. You may also want to include a note listing what ingredients are in the dish and any cooking or reheating instructions.
Consider the timing
As you choose a meal, remember what time you’re bringing the food! If you’re dropping off the dish around mealtime, bring something hot. If you want to bring something the family will need to heat themselves, ask about dropping it off earlier so they have time to cook it.
Be mindful of children
If the family you’re bringing food to has children, remember them when planning! Kids can be picky, so think about that when bringing a dish and try to pick something that they might enjoy.
Typically, kids also have an early bedtime, so plan to bring food earlier in the evening. If you’re not sure what would be best, don’t be afraid to ask the family any questions you have about food or drop-off times.
Don’t overstay your welcome
While you may be eager to talk to the family or express your condolences, you should never overstay your welcome. The family may not feel like socializing while they’re grieving, and they are likely hungry and ready to eat!
If you don’t know the family well, keep your drop-off short and don’t go inside unless they invite you in. A few words, handing over the food, and a hug show your sympathy without being overbearing.
If the family does invite you in, try to keep your time there short unless you know them better and have agreed to a chat and visit. Read the room, pay attention to when they start to get tired or distracted, and excuse yourself. They’ll appreciate your thoughtfulness, and you won’t add additional stress to their time of grieving.
Help in other ways
Families often receive dinner or lunch from other friends every day, so consider asking if they would prefer something different. Offer to bring them breakfast foods, either in the morning or dropping them off the evening before. Or ask if you can bring groceries or restock their pantry with easy-to-make foods, like mac and cheese, ramen, canned veggies, or soup.
Donations and gift cards are a great alternative to bringing a meal, too, since they’re flexible and can help fill in the gaps when the family doesn’t have anyone bringing food. If you’ve set up a Meal Train, you can add the option for donations so friends and family can contribute together.
Additionally, if you know the family well, consider asking them to your house for dinner instead of bringing a meal to them. This can help someone who’s grieving get a break from their own house and enjoy good company. If you do invite your grieving friend and/or their family, keep it casual and low-pressure, and be ready to offer an alternative if they decline. They may need more time before they feel ready to socialize.
Don’t be offended if your help is rejected
Everyone reacts to grief differently, and the time after losing a loved one can be hectic for a grieving family. They may not have time to respond to your text or call or feel too overwhelmed to talk. That’s okay! It’s nothing against you. Be patient, give them time, and respect their wishes. You can always offer again in a few days or weeks.
As you prepare a meal for your grieving friends, don’t stress too much! Even if you don’t know what to say or how to express your condolences, your effort in bringing a meal and helping the family out makes a huge difference in their life and shows that you care. The grieving family will appreciate your kindness and support.