christy.kessler, Author at Funeral Basics

Nov 03

Senior woman washing dishes to help around the house

You’re Grieving, So Why Do You Have Trouble Accepting Help?

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss, Helping a Friend in Grief

Is accepting help hard for you? You’re not alone! While you may be quick to help other people, you resist accepting help yourself. But during times of loss and grief, accepting the caring actions of others can make the difference between a good day and a bad one. While accepting help may require vulnerability, you will greatly benefit from receiving love and support.

So, why is it so hard to accept caring help from other people? In reality, there’s no one clear reason; in fact, reasons for refusing help may differ considerably from person to person. To discover more about your own motivations, take a moment to read the following list of the most common reasons why people refuse help. Do you see yourself?

1. “If I accept help, it means that I’m weak and don’t have it all together.”

From an early age, American society tells us that we should be independent, self-sufficient, and capable members of society. We don’t want to appear weak or seem like we don’t “have it all together.” But what do we really gain from rejecting the help that others offer us? More work and more stress.

What’s worse is that it is all for the sake of keeping up appearances, which will never result in deep or meaningful connections with others. On the other hand, allowing yourself to be vulnerable with others can lighten the load and strengthen your relationships.

2. “I won’t accept help because I don’t want to be an inconvenience.”

Some of us struggle with feeling like our needs might be a burden, and the other person is secretly hoping we say “no” to their offer. Deep down, we don’t want friends or family to take time away from their own lives to help us.

When you lose someone you love, you may feel bad that a friend wants to babysit your kids, clean your kitchen, or cook some meals. But really, when you accept the help that’s offered, a door to deeper friendship is opened.

3. “I don’t want to feel like I owe anyone anything.”

Some people struggle with feeling like accepting help makes them beholden to the person who has offered assistance. But consider when you offer to help someone: Are you thinking about when you will ask them to return the favor? Or do you genuinely want to help?

For most of us, the answer is that we genuinely want to help and have no ulterior motives. So, if the grief is overwhelming and someone you know offers to help, take them at their word and consider accepting the assistance. What do you have to lose?

4. “If I accept help, it means admitting that I can’t do it on my own.”

It can be hard to admit that we need help. And maybe we could do everything all on our own, but life is so much easier when someone is there to lend a hand. In reality, we don’t have to do everything ourselves, but breaking away from habits is hard.

It really is okay to accept the kindness of others. You can say “yes” to the casseroles, the offers to go to the funeral home with you, or the invitation to sit with you in silence as you grieve. Social connection and community are part of our human make-up, so it’s okay to allow others to surround you and support you at a time of grief and loss. After all, it takes more internal strength to accept help than to shun it.

5. “If I accept help, it makes my grief and my lack of control more real.”

Many of us strive for control in our lives, but in some areas, control is just an illusion. You may be able to dictate certain aspects of your life, but there is so much that is outside of your hands.

And during times of grief, you need to express your emotions, and to do that, you must relinquish the tight hold you have on control. The reality is, you don’t have everything under control, so why not acknowledge it and accept help from others?

6. “I don’t need anyone’s help. I’d rather just do it myself.”

Some of us feel like we don’t need other people,e or we’d rather take care of everything ourselves. This gut reaction is often rooted in past pain and disappointment. When other people hurt us or let us down, it can feel easier to do everything ourselves rather than risk being wounded again.

If that’s you, the truth is that you need other people, even if you don’t want to need them. And yes, people are messy, but even in the mess, there is great beauty, especially when you lower your walls and allow someone to serve you with caring actions.

What’s at the root of the desire to refuse help?

The real question is, what’s happening inside when we refuse to accept help when we actually need it? Are we putting on a happy face when we really need a shoulder to cry on? Perhaps we are afraid of being vulnerable and admitting our needs. For many of us, the root cause is fear.

Author Margie Warrell, in an article for Forbes magazine, put it this way: “Fear gets in the way of asking for help. Fear of overstepping a friendship…of appearing too needy. Fear of imposing….[or] of revealing our struggle and having people realize we don’t have it all together. Too often, though, we ‘tough it out’ rather than reaching out to ask for help when we need it most. Fear gets the better of us while depriving others of a chance to show they care and share their gifts.”

Man making up the bed as he helps clean a grieving friend's home

Admitting you need help can be scary, but you need people in your life. Healthy relationships decrease stress levels and improve quality of life. So, what’s keeping you from accepting the caring actions of others? Are you afraid that your grief will make them turn away? That the fact that you aren’t okay will make them view you differently? There’s no need to fear.

It is natural and human to grieve and fall apart sometimes. Accepting help will actually draw caring people into your inner circle. It may be difficult at first, especially if you are hard-wired to refuse all assistance, but in time, accepting the caring actions of others will become easier, and your life will be so much richer.

Oct 30

Love0

Adult daughter sitting on couch between her mom and dad, all smiling and pleasant

8 Reasons to Help Parents Preplan for Funeral Wishes

By christy.kessler Educational, Plan Ahead

Life is busy, and many things demand your attention. In the midst of everything – daily chores, kids, work, friends, extracurricular activities – caring for an aging parent takes a special kind of grace. But what if you could get one important task off your plate? You can! Preplanning allows you and your parents to create a funeral plan in advance that meets their personal wishes and ensures you don’t have to make difficult decisions with a mind clouded by grief and stress.

Not quite sure about the idea? Let’s talk through 8 reasons to help your parents preplan for their funeral wishes, and you can decide if it’s the right step for you!

1. Preplanning ensures that you know and can fulfill your parents’ wishes

More than anything, talking with your parents about preplanning will give you information you likely didn’t have before. For families who never discussed funeral wishes, uncertainty may linger. Did Mom want to be cremated? Would Dad have preferred this song over that song? Would they want an upright or flat headstone? So many questions come up during the funeral planning process, and if you already know your parents’ wishes, you can answer with confidence and ease.

2. Preplanning saves money and prevents overspending

Most of the time, when someone plans a funeral, it’s their first time doing so. In some cases, the family chooses “only the best” for their lost loved one, and costs can begin to balloon. The survivors are left to consider the best way to pay, which might mean adding to credit card debt or dipping into savings. However, if you sit down with your parents to discuss their funeral wishes, your entire family could save a considerable amount of money by avoiding unnecessary spending.

3. Preplanning can help your parents qualify for Medicaid

Another financial benefit to funeral preplanning is that a properly structured funeral prearrangement is considered an exempt asset. So, if your parents need to qualify for Medicaid coverage for long-term care, preplanning is a smart way to spend down their assets while the money still benefits your family. If you’d like to learn more about using preplanning to help your parents qualify for Medicaid, make sure to read “How Can a Prearranged Funeral Plan Help You Qualify for Medicaid?”

4. Preplanning gives you time to create a personalized tribute together

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected grief educator, says that the best funerals help us “remember and reconnect with what is most meaningful…[and] strengthen bonds with family members and friends. [We] emerge changed, more authentic and purposeful.” Personalization is what makes a funeral both meaningful and comforting. By taking the time to lovingly personalize each parent’s celebration of life, you can work together to create something truly beautiful that reflects your parents’ lives, values, relationships, and ideals. With even just a few small details, the final sendoff will feel right, good, and fitting.

5. Preplanning allows you to consider all the options

Funeral planning involves a lot of options. Without time constraints, you and your parents can make the most educated decisions based on your family’s unique needs. Burial or cremation? Funeral service with the body present or a memorial service? With cremation, would you like to bury the ashes, scatter them, or keep the urn at home? Do you want to erect a permanent memorial? You and your parents may not know the answers to these questions at the moment, but a visit to a reputable funeral home can help you get answers.

6. Preplanning helps prevent family disagreements

The loss of a loved one is a very emotional time, and if a family is torn about which options to choose, emotions can run high. Even when a general consensus is reached, family members can sometimes continue to feel anxiety, doubt, and regret about the decisions that were made and how they were made. However, if you sit down with your parents now to determine exactly what they want, everyone will experience greater peace in the future, knowing that your parents’ final wishes were honored.

7. Preplanning provides peace of mind for everyone

Have you ever completed a big project and just felt a weight lift off your shoulders? That’s what it feels like when you finally plan ahead for funeral wishes. Not only does having a plan give you and your parents peace of mind, but preplanning can also bring comfort and certainty. You can all rest easy for years to come, knowing that when the awful day arrives, the difficult decisions are already made. Instead of hammering out the details of a funeral, you can focus on being with your family.

8. Preplanning gives your family more time together

When you’ve lost someone you love, the last thing you want to do is spend several hours at a funeral home making arrangements. But if there is already a plan in place that outlines your parents’ wishes, your family can focus on spending time together, offering comfort, support, and love to one another at a time when those things are most needed. While you will need to make some decisions immediately after the loss, the process is much simpler. Many families only need to select the day they want services to occur.

Next Steps

If you’ve decided to chat with your parents about preplanning, check out the helpful resources below. As you prepare to speak with your parents, keep the discussion open, explain the benefits of planning ahead, and pay attention to your parents’ feelings. If they seem stressed or anxious, give them time to think about the idea, and bring it up again later. There’s no big rush if you begin the conversation while everyone is still healthy.

Also, make sure you download this Funeral Planning Checklist to guide your conversation with your parents. And don’t forget – the funeral professionals at your chosen funeral home are your best advocates and educators. They will discuss all the options and help you weigh the pros and cons until you find the solutions that best meet your parents’ needs. You don’t have to do this alone. There are people ready and willing to help you and your parents every step of the way!

Additional Resources

How to Get Started with Funeral Preplanning
What to Expect at a Preplanning Appointment
6 Ways You Can Save Money with Funeral Preplanning & Prefunding
How Preplanning Eases Emotional, Financial & Legal Burdens After a Death

Oct 14

Love0

Woman in warm coat riding a bike through a forest filled with fall leaves and barren trees

Nature & Your Grief Journey

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss, Living Well

Grieving is not easy, and it can be one of the most difficult yet potentially strengthening journeys of your life. But to become a stronger person on the other side of the grief journey, you must walk through the pain, no matter how difficult. As Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected author and grief expert, puts it, “You don’t get to go around or above your grief. You must go through it.”

One habit that has helped many people process their grief is spending time in nature. You may be thinking, “Nah, I’m not an outdoorsy person. That won’t work for me.” Before you dismiss the idea, take a moment to read through some of the benefits of adding time outdoors to your schedule.

Nature reminds you that death is part of the cycle of life.

As much as we’d like to escape death, it is a part of life. The natural cycle is very evident in the cyclical nature of the seasons. In the spring, life begins anew, continues into summer, begins to fall in autumn, and dies in winter. But there is hope because life begins again. In many ways, every person experiences these seasons. Perhaps you are in the winter of your grief and feeling lifeless on the inside, but as you walk through your grief, spring will come.

Nature provides physical evidence that life does go on.

Similarly, just as the seasons highlight that death is a part of life, they also act as a reminder that life goes on. This cycle of birth, life, death, and rebirth helps put life and death in perspective. Even though it may feel like life has stopped with the death of your loved one, it hasn’t. In some ways, this truth may make you angry (how can life just keep going?), but there is also comfort and assurance in the certainty of the continuation of life.

“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” Albert Camus

Nature nurtures mental and emotional health.

A Stanford-led study found that people who walked in natural areas (versus urban) showed a significant decrease in brain activity associated with depression. In fact, research also shows that there is a link between a connection to nature and faster recovery rates, reduced stress, and less severe symptoms in both mental and physical disorders. Just looking at nature can be beneficial to your health.

Nature demands nothing from you.

During times of grief, you may feel pulled in many different directions. Work. Family. Friends. Endless errands. All the big and small responsibilities of life. In contrast to these things (even though they are good), nature asks nothing of you. In many ways, it gives you something. It accepts you as you are, never asking questions or demanding answers. And during times of grief, a quiet break from all the noise can be just what you need.

“Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.” Albert Einstein

Nature provides quietness and solitude.

When you’re grieving, time away to think and process is necessary but can be hard to achieve. Go for a walk, gear up for a bike ride, or hike a mountain trail. All of these things give you the time and solitude needed to process your thoughts. You have an opportunity to enjoy the quietness without feeling cut off from the world. And when needed, you can talk out loud to yourself or your loved one without an audience.

Nature allows you to disconnect from the world around you.

In a world that is becoming increasingly chaotic and negative, sometimes you just need time to unplug, especially when you’re processing feelings of grief. For some, it’s hard to completely unplug, but doing so is valuable and healthy. Taking time to enjoy nature gives you the opportunity to embrace the world without its distractions and miscommunications. Even if something is good and positive, isn’t it nice to take a little break?

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.” John Lubbock

Nature brings wonder back into your life.

When you’ve lost someone, life can seem a bit dimmer. Its joys aren’t as joyful; its mysteries aren’t as fascinating. But nature can help bring wonder back into your life. The majesty of the Rocky Mountains; the beauty of a sun-kissed beach, flanked by turquoise waters; the rolling green hills of spring. Nature is limitless in its artistry and can remind you that there is still beauty in the world.

Nature draws your attention outward.

Grief is often mentally exhausting. In some cases, the events of the death play in your mind over and over again, especially in the case of an unexpected or traumatic death. Most of your life is lived within your own mind, where you can get caught up in circular thoughts that may not be healthy for you. Nature can be an outlet for your thoughts and draw your attention outward, giving your brain a much-needed break.

“In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.” John Muir

Nature activates social support if you enjoy it with others.

As a human being, you’re wired for interaction and community. During times of grief, some people tend to isolate themselves, perhaps as a defense mechanism against further pain. But, despite the pain, it’s important to receive support from others. You aren’t meant to go through life alone. If you enjoy walking or hiking, invite a friend to join you and allow them to support you through your grief.

These are only a few of the reasons why nature positively benefits any grief journey. If you decide to incorporate outdoor activities into your life, start out slowly. The act of grieving is tiring. If you can only walk for five minutes before you need a break, start out with five minutes. Over time, you will be able to go for longer periods.

As you begin, don’t worry about what other people are doing to deal with their own grief. This is about you and your personal grief journey. Find what works best for you and stick with it until you come to a place where the pang of loss doesn’t sting quite as deeply.

Oct 14

Love0

Wreath of flowers and candles floating on the surface of a lake

Meaningful Water Tributes for a Loved One’s Ashes

By christy.kessler Cremation, Educational, Explore Options

Are you looking for a unique way to honor a loved one’s ashes? If they loved the water, you’re in luck! Whether your special person loved oceans, lakes, rivers, ponds, or earned their living on the water, there are so many options for incorporating their love of the sea into a personalized final tribute. Let’s talk about it!

1. Create a Barrier Reef

Believe it or not, your loved one’s cremated remains can help heal the ocean. With this special service, the ashes are mixed with concrete to create an artificial coral reef, which is strategically placed in the ocean. Your loved one’s coral reef then positively impacts the ocean’s habitat by assisting in the repair and conservation of natural coral reefs around it.

To personalize the coral reef, you can affix a plaque to the exterior with an inscription of your loved one’s name and birth and death dates. Also, in many cases, you and your family can be present when your loved one’s reef is placed in the ocean. What a beautiful and impactful way to honor the ocean lover in your life!

2. Placement in an Underwater Columbarium

Another option to consider is placement in an underwater columbarium. That’s right – a final resting place beneath the waves of the sea. Currently, underwater columbaria are still quite rare, and most are located off the coast of Florida. However, you can request placement in an underwater niche, no matter where you live in the United States.

Perhaps the best-known and most revered underwater columbarium is at the USS Arizona Memorial in Honolulu, Hawaii. At the attack on Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, the USS Arizona came under heavy fire and sank in nine minutes, resulting in the deaths of 1,177 sailors and Marines serving on the vessel. Most of their bodies were never recovered and remain entombed inside the ship.

All 334 USS Arizona survivors were given the opportunity to have their cremated remains interred within the ship. Over the years, 44 men chose underwater interment and a final resting place alongside their fallen shipmates.

3. Scattering on the Open Ocean

Though often associated with the military, scattering at sea is also available to civilians. While the US Navy will work with a veteran’s or servicemember’s family to arrange an official scattering at sea, civilians can work with charter companies or cruise ships to organize an eco-friendly sea ceremony that meets US Coast Guard guidelines.

For civilian ceremonies, charter companies and cruise ships ensure that the vessel is Coast Guard inspected for comfort and safety and that the Environmental Protection Agency’s (EPA) regulations are followed. There are enough companies available to allow you to choose one that fits your budget and meets your specific wishes.

The EPA states that the vessel must travel at least 3 nautical miles and to a depth of 100 fathoms (600+ feet) before any kind of scattering can take place. There are fines and legal penalties if you don’t follow the regulations. Also, any materials placed in the water must readily decompose, so plastics and metals are not allowed.

4. Scattering at a Lakefront

In addition to scattering on the ocean, it’s also possible to host an ash scattering ceremony at a local lake. Depending on where you live, it may be simpler to choose a state or community lake as the site for your loved one’s final tribute.

A few things to keep in mind if you choose a lakefront ceremony:

Inland waters (such as lakes and rivers) are regulated by state and local authorities, so make sure you understand any regulations and follow them precisely.
Check to see if your chosen lake is a source of drinking water in your area. Most states prohibit ash scattering in a body of water that also provides drinking water.
For private lakes, you must obtain permission from the owner before you can host an ash scattering ceremony.
Always use biodegradable materials, such as an urn made of paper, cardboard, or natural salts.
For more privacy, choose a location with less foot or boat traffic.

Whether you want to host a beachfront memorial service, rent a sailboat, or gather at the local wharf, you can create a one-of-a-kind tribute that pairs your special person’s love of the water with your love for them.

5. Host a Memorial Service on the Water

Rather than scattering at sea, you can instead host the memorial service on a seafaring vessel to honor your loved one’s passion for the water. You could opt for a traditional memorial service on a local fishing boat, complete with a eulogy, music, and all aspects of a funeral ceremony.

Alternatively, you could host a private service where you spread flowers on the water or go deep-sea fishing to honor your loved one. Bring your loved one’s ashes with you on the excursion and put them in a place of honor. After the activity is complete, you then have many options for honoring your loved one’s ashes. You could take them home, bury them in a cemetery, place them in a columbarium, or conclude the memorial service with an ash scattering ceremony.

Person skimming their hand across the surface of the water

As you can see, there are so many ways to include your loved one’s passion for the water. And if coordinating everything feels a little overwhelming, don’t worry! You don’t have to do it alone. Your funeral director is available to help. Together, you can craft the perfect final send-off for your loved one.

Sep 30

Love0

Will vs. Estate Plan: What’s the Difference?

By christy.kessler Educational, Estate Planning

According to a recent survey, around 68% of Americans don’t have a legal will, and the number of Americans with a full estate plan is even lower. Why are so few Americans looking to the future and preparing for the inevitable? Part of the issue may be that financial planning can feel complicated and confusing. To remove some of that hesitation, let’s talk about 4 key differences between a legal will and an estate plan. They aren’t the same thing!

But first, let’s start with a couple of definitions.

What is a Legal Will?

A legal will is a signed and witnessed document that outlines your wishes on three main topics: your financial assets, your property, and your dependents. In a legal will, you will break down how you want your money distributed and to whom, what should be done with your property (house, car, furniture, clothing, etc.), and who will act as guardian to minor children or pets. Additionally, you will name an executor, who’s responsible for carrying out every detail of your legal will.

Without a legal will, the fate of your assets, property, and dependents is left up to your state of residency. In some cases, your surviving family members may spend a lot of time, money, and energy gaining access to your assets, if they ever do.

What is an Estate Plan?

An estate plan refers to a broader strategy regarding your end-of-life wishes. While a legal will is one piece of an estate plan, a full estate plan focuses on providing clarity in additional areas like healthcare and powers of attorney.

From outlining your medical care wishes to designating a trusted person to act financially on your behalf, each estate planning document plays a role in creating a clear plan to understanding your preferences. Because everyone’s situation is different, chat with an estate planning attorney to confirm which documents best fit your circumstances.

But what are the key differences between a legal will and an estate plan? Let’s dive in!

4 Differences Between a Legal Will and an Estate Plan

Difference #1: A legal will focuses only on your wishes after death, while an estate plan looks at your preferences while still living.

With a legal will, you are only recording instructions for what to do after your passing. These directions largely relate to designating a guardian for minor children and stating who gets how much money and which property items (car, collectibles, jewelry, etc.).

On the other hand, an estate plan also provides direction on what to do should you become incapacitated or unable to make decisions on your own. For example, if you were to develop dementia or go into a coma after a car accident, a healthcare power of attorney would allow your chosen representative to make medical decisions on your behalf based on your outlined preferences.

Takeaway: A legal will provides guidance on the distribution of assets and the care of children. An estate plan includes a legal will but also covers other financial and medical concerns.

Difference #2: An estate plan includes more official documents than a legal will.

Because an estate plan has a wider focus, it makes sense that there are more documents to complete. While you may not need all these documents, it’s wise to thoughtfully assess and determine which ones make the most sense for your circumstances.

To learn more about each of the five most important estate planning documents, check out the resources below:

Takeaway: There are several documents to consider when creating an estate plan. When you complete the ones that make the most sense for you, you give your family a clear path to understanding how to accurately follow your wishes when it matters.

Difference #3: A legal will does not provide guidance on medical concerns.

With its narrow focus, the legal will does not allow you to outline your wishes regarding standard or life-saving medical care. That’s where advance care directives like a living will and a healthcare power of attorney step in.

When you complete these documents, you give your family a clear understanding of your medical dos and don’ts. Having this clarity is particularly important when you can’t speak for yourself and your family needs to know what to do.

You will work with your primary care provider to complete a living will and discuss the medical treatments you may or may not want performed.

Takeaway: By providing guidance on both financial AND medical concerns, you empower your family to make decisions with confidence if the day comes when they must act on your behalf.

Difference #4: An estate plan with a living trust allows your family to avoid probate court while a legal will does not.

Probate is the legal process where the court oversees the distribution of a person’s property after death. When the legal will is presented to and validated by the court, the executor will work with the court to ensure all directives in the will are carried out.

However, in most cases with a living trust, you can avoid probate court entirely. Because of the way trusts are set up, they allow you to bypass the court system and rely on your designated trustee to distribute your assets after your passing. Many families save time and money by setting up a trust instead of relying on probate court.

Takeaway: Talk with your estate planning attorney about whether a living trust makes sense for your situation. While having a written legal will should make probate court easy for your family, a living trust may help them skip the court system altogether.

Senior man talking about estate planning with son

So, do you need both a legal will and an estate plan? Absolutely! While a legal will can stand alone, if you pair it with a thoughtful estate plan, you can provide your family members with greater insight into your financial and healthcare wishes. With that information in hand, they can make decisions with confidence and ensure that you and your assets are taken care of just the way you want.

Additional Estate Planning Resources

How to Make an Estate Planning Checklist
5 Steps to Getting Your Affairs in Order
11 Reasons Why You Should Start Estate Planning Now
Avoid These 6 Estate Planning Misconceptions

DISCLAIMER: Individual circumstances and state laws vary, so any estate planning should only be undertaken with the help and assistance of an attorney licensed in your state.

Sep 30

Love0

Separating Fact from Fiction: 5 Estate Planning Myths

By christy.kessler Educational, Estate Planning

Are you on the fence about estate planning? Does it seem like something that’s distant or a task for the future? You’re not alone. Many people put off estate planning or fail to complete it altogether. But estate planning is essential to both ensuring that your physical and financial assets are distributed the way YOU want and to communicating your medical care preferences if you become incapacitated.

So, the question is – do you believe any of these 5 myths? And are any of them preventing you from putting together an estate plan that will make your wishes clear to everyone?

DISCLAIMER: Individual circumstances and state laws vary, so only undertake estate planning with the help and assistance of an attorney licensed in your state.

Myth #1: Estate Planning is Only for the Wealthy

There’s no set magic number you need in your bank account to qualify for an estate plan. In reality, everyone has assets, such as a home or vehicle, bank accounts, personal belongings, or even digital accounts.

It does not matter if you have $500 or $50,000 to your name. Your survivors still need to know what to do with your money and belongings after your passing. They also need to know which of your digital accounts to cancel and which to turn into memorial pages.

Your life has more threads than you may think, and with an estate plan, you can provide clear direction for how you want everything taken care of.

Myth #2: Estate Planning is Only for the 65+ Age Group

While it would be wonderful if estate planning were only needed for the 65+ age group, the truth is that life is unpredictable. Most of us have seen a young, vibrant friend or family member pass away long before they reached retirement age.

With illness, accident, or tragedy always a possibility, adults of every age and family situation benefit from outlining their wishes in an estate plan. This is especially true for parents with minor children. An estate plan allows you to designate your preferred guardian and set up a fund that will financially support your children should the worst occur.

Also, young adults often have a larger total debt amount (mortgage, student loans, credit cards, car loans, etc.), and depending on the fine print, these debts may become your family’s responsibility to pay off. However, by speaking with an estate planning attorney, you can identify the best ways to address your debt and hopefully alleviate some of the financial burden left behind.

Myth #3: All I Need is a Legal Will

A legal will is an essential part of any estate plan, but it does not cover the full scope of what a thoughtfully prepared estate plan can cover. A will only discusses what to do after your passing; it does not say what to do if you become incapacitated or unable to make decisions on your own.

For example, if you are placed in a medically induced coma or develop Alzheimer’s, any wishes you’ve stated in the will do not apply because you are still alive. But who should look after your children? Who should pay your monthly bills? These questions can be answered with estate planning documents outside the will.

The most common documents to consider are the financial power of attorney, healthcare power of attorney, living will, and revocable living trust. These forms ensure that your needs and your family are taken care of no matter what circumstances may arise.

Myth #4: Estate Planning is Too Expensive or Time-Consuming

While the process can be intricate, a knowledgeable guide makes everything smoother and easier. You will need to pay some attorney fees, of course, but you will save on future legal fees, taxes, and court costs that often arise if there is no estate plan.

Ask your friend group or call around your area to find an honest, affordable estate planning attorney. You get to choose who you work with, so take your time to find the best fit. You’ll want someone with experience who is transparent about their fees and unfailingly committed to answering your questions and setting up an estate plan focused on your wishes.

Myth #5: My Family Will Sort Everything Out

Even the closest family members can become stressed and overwrought during a time of grief and financial indecision. And unfortunately, informal discussions with family about your wishes don’t hold up in court. If there are no legal documents stating your directives, your estate will go to probate court, and state law will determine what happens to your assets. It won’t matter what you’ve discussed with your family.

But what if your spouse has a power of attorney (POA)? Can’t they take care of everything? The POA is only valid while you are still living. Once you have passed, the will or trust takes over, and the POA becomes obsolete. While your spouse will have rights in the probate court, the POA does not give them any additional power or standing during the proceedings.

To ensure the smoothest transition and prevent any family disagreements, it’s always best to complete a full estate plan with a licensed attorney. You can prevent complications and provide clear guidance to your family and the courts regarding your wishes.

Remember, Estate Planning is an Ongoing Responsibility

Now that the facts have replaced fiction, remember that estate planning is fluid because life is always changing. You may have more children, get divorced or remarried, get promoted and receive a pay increase, or lose a family member who was listed as a beneficiary.

As a rule of thumb, regularly review your estate planning documents every 3-5 years, paying special attention to beneficiaries. There have been unfortunate cases where a former spouse received the inheritance because they were never removed as a beneficiary after the marriage was dissolved.

By keeping tabs on your legal documents, you ensure that everything stays up-to-date and accurately reflects your changing life and priorities.

Pro Tip: Consider Preplanning for Your Funeral Wishes

In addition to putting together an estate plan, you can also complete advance funeral planning. After the death of a loved one, surviving family members must often answer between 100 – 200 questions before any kind of funeral or memorial service can take place.

Pulling together all the answers while grieving a loss can feel overwhelming. That’s why advance funeral planning is such a great idea. Read “10 Reasons to Plan Ahead” and “6 Ways You Can Save Money with Funeral Preplanning & Prefunding” to learn more.

Additional Estate Planning Resources

For more information about estate planning, check out these additional resources. Also, consider making an appointment with a reputable estate planning attorney in your area.

Sep 28

Love0

Person placing a white rose beside a black cremation urn on a table

How to Select a Cremation Urn

By christy.kessler Cremation, Explore Options, Planning Tools

Cremation comes with a lot more choices than you might think, and one question you’ll need to answer is what urn best fits your needs. Whether your biggest concern is material, aesthetics, budget, or simply finding something that reflects your loved one’s personality, there are a lot of urns to choose from. So, how do you select the cremation urn that’s best for your circumstances? Let’s talk about three questions that will help you pinpoint exactly what you need.

Question #1: What are Your Memorialization Plans?

First, take a moment to consider how you plan to memorialize your loved one and pay tribute to their ashes. In other words, what do you want to do with the urn and your loved one’s cremated remains?

In many ways, form follows function, so first think about the function (what you want to do), then choose the form (what type of urn you need).

For example, do you want to plant a memorial tree or rose bush with a loved one’s cremated remains? Then, it would be best to choose a biodegradable urn. Do you plan to keep the urn at home for a while? In that case, a decorative memorial urn would look lovely in your home. Would you like to scatter the ashes at sea or at a meaningful location? There are special scattering urns you can choose from.

Also, if you plan to take the urn home first, don’t forget to thoughtfully consider a long-term plan for permanent placement. While having your loved one close may be comforting, it’s not a permanent solution. Instead, put together a meaningful plan that you can implement in 5 or 10 years. That way, you can keep the urn at home for a while but still ensure a long-term home.

As you can see, by taking your memorial plans into account, you can narrow down the options as you select an urn.

Question #2: What Material Do You Prefer?

Next, it’s time to consider materials. What is the urn made from, and do you have preferences? Urns can be made from a variety of materials, ranging from affordable to extravagant. Some of the most common materials are:

Plastic
Cardboard
Cast Resin
Wood
Ceramic
Metal
Stone
Marble
Glass
Acrylic
Leather
Clay

The most affordable urns are often made from plastic, cardboard, or wood composites, but with these choices, you do lose longevity and stability. The urn won’t maintain its integrity over time the way that wood, metal, marble, or stone would. So, ask yourself, “What are my plans for the urn? How long do I want it to last? What type of material best fits my plan?”

Question #3: What Type of Urn Do You Need?

And finally, consider the type of urn you need to honor a loved one’s ashes. Cremation urns come in all shapes, sizes, and styles. Your funeral director can help you understand your options so you can make an informed decision.

To get you started, here is a list of the different types of cremation urns available:

Keepsake Urn

Often small, a keepsake urn is used when either a small portion of the cremated body is kept and the rest scattered, or the ashes are split between more than one relative.

Decorative Urn

A family may choose a decorative urn to display at a memorial service, at home, or to use in a glass-front niche in a columbarium or to place in an urn garden.

Biodegradable Urn

An environmentally friendly urn option, the biodegradable urn is becoming increasingly popular. This type of urn is often used for scattering, but you can also use it for burial.

Religious Urn

This type of urn showcases the spiritual beliefs of the person who has died. In most cases, the etchings or verses on the urn are associated with the person’s religious background.

Companion Urn

The companion urn has two main types. The double compartment urn provides separate spaces for each person’s ashes, while the single compartment urn intermingles the ashes. Couples often select this style of urn.

Infant Urn

Smaller in size, an infant urn is designed to hold the ashes of an infant or small child. In many cases, the family wants to keep the child close as they grieve, and the infant urn meets this need.

Sculpted Urn

Sometimes called an “art urn,” this type of urn is a lovely mini-sculpture of your choice, modified to accommodate ashes. If you plan early, you can commission a special art urn that reflects your personal tastes.

Themed Urn

You can purchase a themed urn, and the possible variations are as limitless as your creativity. A few common types of themed urns are sport, hobby, art, and nature.

Picture Urn

Just like it sounds, this urn is shaped like a picture frame and allows you to display a favorite photograph of your loved one on the outside of the urn.

Military/Veteran Urn

If the military was a key part of your loved one’s life, consider selecting a veteran urn. The urn itself is designed to commemorate and honor the patriotism and sacrifice of veterans.

More Helpful Resources

As you can see, choices for cremation urns abound. Before making any decisions, you may want to talk to your family members or speak with a funeral professional. You don’t have to make this decision alone. Call on the experts in cremation urns and get input from those you love most.

Here are more resources about cremation that will help you on the journey:

What Should I Know When Considering Cremation?
Cremation and the Importance of Ceremony
Water-Based & Flame-Based Cremation: What’s the Difference?
Urn Burial: Understanding the Basics
A Quick Guide to Cremation Caskets
FAQ: Your Guide to Scattering Ashes

Sep 21

Love0

Group of senior adult friends laughing together

Healthy Practices for Your Later Years: 70s

By christy.kessler Living Well, Plan Ahead

Your 70s are here. Let’s make them great!

While good habits benefit you throughout your life, it’s never too late to make positive changes. While you should continue good habits from previous decades, there are unique challenges that come with reaching your 70s. Let’s go over 10 helpful and healthy practices to maintain your health and organize your affairs in your golden years.

10 Best Practices for Healthy 70-Somethings

1. Strengthen your Body

While exercise may look quite different now, it’s still essential for your overall health and energy levels. Rather than engaging in high-intensity cardio sessions (unless your body is used to it already), look for low-impact cardio activities, such as walking, yoga, swimming, or indoor cycling. Also include stretching and strength training in your normal routine.

2. Manage Stress

Growing older doesn’t take away stress, though the specifics may change. If you’re on a fixed income, you may wonder if it will be enough. Or you may worry about getting sick or losing friends to illness. These types of concerns can lead to stress, depression, or anxiety, but there are ways to manage the stress.

To combat these three mood busters, try out a few easy tips:

Take time each day to focus on something you are thankful for.
Acknowledge and express your feelings, both positive and negative.
Embrace and find comfort in your spirituality.
Accept that some things are outside your control.
Try to keep your sense of humor.
Continue to build relationships with people – you need them!

3. Engage Your Mind

While some degree of forgetfulness is normal with age, significant decline is not an inevitable part of aging. If you challenge your brain, it will function well throughout your lifetime. The key is to regularly exercise your brain. A few ideas to get you started are:

Try new variations of familiar activities, like new types of puzzles, new recipes, or a different sport
Learn something entirely new, like a language or a skill
Seek new experiences and make new friends

4. Eat Well and Drink Plenty of Water

Healthy nutrition has a few added challenges as you age. For instance, your sense of taste and smell can change a bit, which affects your appetite. Slower digestion and metabolism change how your body processes food, and you may begin to lose your sense of thirst. To combat these challenges, be intentional about your food and water intake.

Eat plenty of protein, calcium, and fiber, and drink lots of water. On average, people in their 70s drink too little. You actually need anywhere from eleven to fifteen cups of water per day! Try not to skip meals, and if you’re having trouble maintaining a healthy diet, discuss it with a family member, your health care provider, or a nutritionist.

5. Rest Well and Deeply

You may think you need less sleep now that you’re a little less active, but that’s not the case. Adults in their 70s still need 7-9 hours of sleep each night. Of course, as an older adult, you may experience sleep complications, like insomnia, daytime sleepiness, health conditions, or aches and pains that keep you awake at night.

To achieve ample rest, set good sleep habits in place. Make sure that your room is dark, quiet, and not too warm. Stop using the TV or your electronic devices at least one hour before bed. And if you suffer from insomnia, try to exercise during the day and avoid naps so you feel tired when bedtime comes around. If you are still having trouble sleeping, speak to your health care provider.

6. Be Aware of Elder Crime

Unfortunately, older adults are at risk for certain types of crime, particularly elder abuse and fraud (identity theft, fake checks, and various kinds of scams). Most often, fraud is perpetrated by someone you don’t know, but elder abuse is a different story. Elder abuse can be physical, emotional, or psychological and often involves neglect, abandonment, or financial exploitation.

To guard against elder abuse, keep the people you trust close. Also, be on the lookout for these signs of an abusive caregiver: lack of affection, don’t allow you to be alone with others, are angry or aggressive toward you, don’t clean the home or help you with personal hygiene, speak about you as if you were a burden, or give conflicting stories to explain an incident. If you’re experiencing any of these signs, reach out to someone you trust for help or call the elder abuse hotline in your state.

7. Prevent Falls

Now is a time to be especially aware of your bone health. Osteoporosis is a significant concern for those who are aging because it can cause bones to break more easily. By adding low-impact cardio, strength training, and calcium and vitamin D to your routine, you can increase your bone mass and decrease the likelihood of broken bones.

In addition to exercise, assess the potential risks in your home and identify any tripping hazards, like throw rugs, cords, or clutter. Consider removing these hazardous items completely. Also, if you are having trouble now, use a cane or walker when needed and wear supportive shoes. Above all, take your time when doing things. There’s no rush.

8. Pursue Good Eye, Ear, and Heart Health

As you grow older, take special care of your eyes, ears, and heart. As you age, many people more frequently experience dry eye, so drink plenty of fluids, limit your screen time, and schedule screenings for glaucoma, cataracts, and macular degeneration.

If you start to experience hearing loss, bring your concerns to your health care provider. They can help you understand the best way to move forward. And for your heart, it’s never too late to start good habits. Discuss your heart’s current health with your doctor, take any medications, eat well, and exercise. These activities can protect your heart in the long run.

9. Plan Ahead

One of the best things you can do for your family is to get your affairs in order. The clearer and more organized your affairs are, the easier it will be for your surviving family members to carry out your wishes. While it’s hard to think about your mortality, it’s always a good idea to take care of these important aspects of planning while you’re still in good health and able to make sound decisions.

The most important estate planning concerns to address are: a legal will, financial or medical power of attorney, a living will, advance care directives, and funeral planning. Feel free to bring your family members into any part of the process and get their valuable input. And once your plans are in place, designate at least two emergency contacts and make sure they have access to your information.

10. Find Joy in Each Day

As you grow older, try to maintain your sense of purpose and find joy in each day. Having a positive attitude will help you face each day with excitement and anticipation.

Find things to be grateful for. Face any limitations you may have with a good sense of humor. Stay connected to others to increase healthy longevity. Pick up a new hobby, find ways to volunteer, spend time outdoors, join a club, or visit places you’ve always wanted to go. With each new day, continue to find ways to enjoy life and the people you love.

With friends, family, and these 10 tips by your side, you have a wonderful decade to look forward to. May the 70s be some of the happiest and most fruitful years of your life!

Aug 31

Love0

Dark wood casket with flower spray of white flowers resting on top

Casket Design: Understanding Its Components

By christy.kessler Cemeteries, Educational, Explore Options

Dark wood casket with flower spray of white flowers resting on top

Up until the mid-1800s, the coffin was the most common burial container, but due to cultural shifts, the casket came into popularity around the time of the Civil War. For Americans living during and after this tumultuous time, there was a push to beautify death and distance themselves from its harsh realities.

The casket was one way the culture chose to enact this philosophy. Though it might seem strange to us today, the casket was viewed as more aesthetically pleasing than the coffin (it wasn’t shaped like the human body), and it was considered easier to customize to the family’s specifications.

But the casket is actually more complex than its simple design implies. Today, let’s talk about the different parts of a casket and how they contribute to the overall design.

Head Panel of the Casket

First, let’s talk about the head panel of the casket and all the parts that go into opening and closing the front lid of the casket.

Bridge

With half-couch caskets that split into two sections, the bridge refers to the smooth, interior section of the transverse cut in the lid where the split occurs. The bridge contributes to the casket’s shape and stability while also ensuring that the split in the lid is pleasing to look at (doesn’t look unfinished).

Cap Panel

Also called the interior panel, the cap panel refers to the inside of the casket lid. This section of the casket is easily customizable, and many families choose to include an image (often embroidered) that will be visible at an open-casket service.

Fold

Also called the gimp, the fold is a strip of metal, plastic, or cloth attached to the inside of the panel. It covers the area where the roll is attached and secures everything in place.

Hinge Piece

As you would expect, the hinge connects the lid to the body of the casket, making it possible to seal the casket and carry it without fear of the two pieces disconnecting.

Latch Pin

The latch pin is mounted on the edge of the casket and ensures that the lid closes firmly and securely, preventing an accidental opening. The pins come in various styles and in both right- and left-hand configurations.

Lid Flange

Sometimes called a rim or ogee flange, the lid flange plays a key role in providing a stable base for the casket lid. Made from durable materials like metal or plastic, the flange works with the latch pin to ensure the casket seals firmly for transport and burial.

Roll

Also known as puffing or the cove, the roll is the curved interior part that lines the rim and surrounds the cap panel. It provides a protective covering for the casket’s interior and improves the casket’s appearance.

Interior of the Casket

Next, let’s talk about the interior of the casket, where the body will lay in comfort and repose.

Extendover

This component of the casket interior wraps over the rim of the head panel, allowing the interior lining to fall over the edge for a more pleasing look. Used for purely aesthetic purposes, the extendover is not a functional part of the casket.

Hinge Cover

The hinge cover does what you’d expect: it covers the hinges to create a cleaner, polished look to the casket interior. Typically, the hinge cover is the same color as the roll and the lining to ensure a more cohesive appearance.

Lining

Caskets have an interior lining, often made from crepe, velvet, or satin. The material lines the entire interior of the casket and essentially creates a bed for the person who has died. The lining comes in various colors, and you can personalize it with designs or embroidery.

Overlay

The overlay is also called the throw or overthrow because it resembles a blanket draped over the foot panel of the casket. Often made from the same material as the lining, you can also add a little personalization with embroidery or other embellishments.

Overlay Skirt

The part of the overlay that is not visible to the eye (lines the interior of the foot panel) is called the overlay skirt or the apron. It extends downward into the casket, covering the entire interior of the foot panel section.

Pillow

The pillow is simply a cloth bag filled with soft materials that supports the head of the deceased as they lay inside the casket.

Pillow Box

To create the preferred reclining placement, the body must stay in a particular position. The pillow box is arranged under the pillow to ensure the person’s head remains in a comfortable place.

Pillow Fold

The pillow fold’s job is similar to the pillow box, in that it holds the body in position throughout services. It is a large, overstuffed pillow that is placed strategically around the deceased to ensure placement and create a natural look for mourners.

Foot Panel of the Casket

Next up, let’s discuss the foot panel and the parts of the casket associated with the bottom half of the lid.

Crown

The crown is another term for the top lid of the casket. It refers to basically every part of the lid that covers the casket above the rim.

End Panel

You might think the foot panel and the end panel are the same, but they aren’t. The foot panel is the bottom half of the lid while the end panel is the end cap of the bottom half of the casket.

Foot Panel

The foot panel is the bottom section of the lid of the casket (opposite the head panel).

Pie or Fish Tail

A wedge-shaped portion at the end of the crown that slants downward toward the top frame.

Top Body Molding

Also called the body ledge, the top body molding rests along the uppermost edge of the body panels. It is a decorative element, but it does contribute to the casket’s structural integrity and presentation.

Top Frame

Another component of the casket lid, the top frame is sometimes referred to as the rim or the ogee. Resembling a bit of an elongated “S,” the top frame’s shape keeps the casket from looking like just a big box. The top frame helps connect the pie tail to the top body molding, creating a seamless design.

Bottom of the Casket

To round out our exploration of casket design, let’s talk about the bottom half of the casket and all the components that create the base.

Arm

The arm connects the handle to the lug, and without it, the handle would not work. But with a strong, secure arm, pallbearers can carry the casket without worrying that the casket will slip from their grip.

Bar or Handle

The bar or handle gives pallbearers a place to grip the casket, making it easier to carry. There are three types of handles: the swing bar, the stationary bar, and the bail handle. A swing bar does what you’d expect: it is moveable and swings with the momentum of the casket. On the other hand, a stationary bar remains fixed in place. A bail handle combines the lug, arm, and bar into one unit and screws into the side panel.

Base Molding

The base molding is the trim that runs along the bottom edge of the casket. It provides both structural support and aesthetic appeal, creating a finished look for the casket overall.

Bottom

Unsurprisingly, the bottom is simply the lowest part of the casket, creating the base. Often, the interior will include additional padding to support the body.

Corner

The corner is the place where the sides and ends of the casket meet. In some cases, you can customize the corner by adding a piece that is straight, curved, or even in an urn style. If you’d like to personalize the corner, speak with your funeral director about the available options.

Lug or Ear

The lug is a component of the handle, attaching it to the casket body. Generally, there are eight lugs per casket (three on each long side and one on each short side).

Side Panel

The long right and left sides of the casket are called the side panels.

Tip

The tip covers the exposed end of the handlebar and adds a decorative element to the design.

Casket Customization

Now you know more about standard casket design! But don’t forget that you can commission a custom casket. By working with a casket designer, you can create a personalized casket that matches your loved one’s life. Whether you are interested in a unique shape, color, or decorative elements, the designer can help. Keep in mind, designing a custom casket will cost more. But if a custom design is important to you, talk to your funeral director about trusted local craftsmen.

If you’d like to learn more about caskets, check out these additional resources:

5 Differences Between Sealer & Non-Sealer Caskets
Rental Caskets: What You Need to Know
A Quick Guide to Oversized Caskets
A Quick Guide to Cremation Caskets
5 Questions to Ask When Selecting a Casket

Aug 30

Love0

Give Yourself Permission to Grieve

By christy.kessler AfterCare, Grief/Loss

You give yourself permission to grieve by recognizing the need for grieving. Grieving is the natural way of working through the loss of a love. [It] is not weakness nor absence of faith. Grieving is as natural as crying when you are hurt, sleeping when you are tired or sneezing when your nose itches. It is nature’s way of healing a broken heart. – Doug Manning

Family of three sitting on a bench outside, but the father is slightly transparent indicating that he is not actually present

In today’s world, grieving well can be difficult. Those who are hurting often feel like they have to “be strong” for others, whether it be family members, co-workers, or even strangers. In many ways, culture encourages us to hide our pain and appear like we’ve “got it all together” within days of losing a loved one.

Many of us even shy away from pain, fearing that if we let our feelings have free rein, we will be seen as “out of control.” Our minds rebel against the idea of anyone seeing our pain, how deeply affected we are, how not okay we feel inside.

But despite what culture says, what people may think, or what you’ve grown up hearing, expressing grief is the first step on the road to healing.

Grief Is a Natural Response

At its heart, grief is the natural result of love. When you love others deeply and wholly, you open yourself up to the grief that comes when they leave this world. And while death is a part of life, knowing that it’s coming doesn’t make processing a loss any easier when it happens.

Did you know that the word “bereaved” literally means “to be torn apart”? By that definition, when you’re grieving, you are being torn apart inside. It’s no wonder that you may feel tired, withdrawn, and quiet after a loss. During times like this, remember to be patient and allow yourself to go through the grief process.

Close-up on girl in green shirt crying with tears in her eyelashes

Nationally respected author, counselor, and grief educator, Dr. Alan Wolfelt, puts it this way: “Over many years of walking with people in grief, I have discovered that most of us are hard on ourselves when we are in mourning. We judge ourselves and we shame ourselves and we take care of ourselves last.”

The simple truth is that it’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to NOT “be strong” in the face of loss. It’s okay to give yourself permission to grieve, to give outward expression to the internal anguish of your soul. You should feel free to express your emotions, not hide from them or feel ashamed of them. They are what they are, and they are a natural response to what you’ve lost.

Grief Is a Journey

By giving yourself permission to grieve, you begin a journey. The journey will require a lot from you, but it’s a road worth taking.

On the journey, you may feel many things: pain, loneliness, restlessness, vulnerability, fright, peacefulness, comfort, and love. As Dr. Wolfelt tells us, “Never forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever. It’s not that you won’t be happy again. It’s simply that you will never be exactly the same as you were before the death.” Life will not be the same as it was before, but you can find a way to move forward.

Other people may not understand the depth of what you are feeling, and they don’t have to. You don’t need permission from other people to grieve. No matter how you express your grief – silence, weeping, screaming, quietness, thoughtfulness – it’s never going to fit into any particular mold. In fact, there is no “grief” mold. Every single person grieves the loss of a loved one differently, and that’s as it should be.

Grief Is a Process

As you begin your personal grief journey, remember these tips from Dr. Wolfelt:

1. Realize that your grief is unique.

No one else is exactly like you, and the relationship you enjoyed with your loved one was one-of-a-kind.

2. Take time to talk about your grief.

Sometimes it’s helpful to talk with a safe person about the emotions swirling around inside you. Or you can write your thoughts down in a journal. Find a way to express what’s on the inside.

3. Anticipate feeling a range of emotions.

People experience many emotions after the loss of a loved one: shock, numbness, denial, anxiety, fear, guilt, sadness, relief, and more. You will feel some of these. It’s normal and natural to do so.

4. Be mindful of your physical and emotional limits.

You will be more tired, more emotionally sensitive. Learn what is too much for you right now and take things easy.

5. Find people to support you.

You don’t need to walk this journey alone. If you don’t have someone who can provide the support you need, find an organized grief support group.

6. Make use of tradition and ritual.

Take comfort in rituals as you remember a loved one. For example, you could watch your loved one’s favorite movie every year and keep the ritual (tradition) alive as a way to remember them.

7. Treasure your memories.

Write down the meaningful moments. Tell the stories. Share the essence of your loved one’s life with others. Cherish your memories; they will be a continual reserve of peace and comfort.

Grief Is Not a Problem to Be Solved

Finally, remember that grief is not an issue to be solved. It’s a natural part of being human, and it’s a process you must face for however long it takes. You may naturally prefer to ignore your pain, but trying to ignore it won’t make it go away. In fact, stuffing grief away can have serious consequences, and in some people, can lead to complicated grief or depression. Rather than avoid what you feel, give yourself permission to grieve. It just might be the best gift you can give yourself during a time of loss.

For more information about grief, check out the resources below:

When to Consider Professional Grief Therapy
10 Helpful Tips When Grieving a Loss
12 of the Best Books on Grief
10 Adult Coloring Books for Your Grief Journey
How Creativity Can Help You Deal with Loss
Grief & Difficult Relationships