christy.kessler, Author at Funeral Basics

May 01

Sad, female child sitting in front of a military tombstone

Ways to Honor our Fallen Heroes on Memorial Day

By christy.kessler Exclude from Top Posts, Memorial, Seasonal, Veterans

Many Americans celebrate Memorial Day with hot dogs, family gatherings, and a relaxing three-day weekend. While there’s nothing wrong with these contemporary rituals, let’s not forget the intent behind the day: to remember the many American servicemen and servicewomen who have died to keep our country safe and protected. Today, as we honor them, let’s talk about the history of Memorial Day and how you can give back to the many families currently serving our nation.

History of Memorial Day

There is some disagreement as to the true birthplace of Memorial Day. Of course, humans have used ceremony to honor those who have died in battle for hundreds, possibly thousands, of years. However, the most prevalent theory on the roots of the American holiday dates back to 1868, when Major Gen. John A. Logan designated May 30^th as Decoration Day, a day on which the graves of Civil War soldiers would be commemorated.

Other stories place the holiday’s origins in Charleston, SC, Waterloo, NY, or Columbus, GA, around a similar time. No matter where it started, it’s safe to say that in the aftermath of the Civil War, which caused more American deaths than any other armed conflict, many people in various places were looking for ways to honor those who died in combat. But it wasn’t until 1971, more than a century later, that Memorial Day became an official holiday that was marked by the last Monday of May.

5 Ways to Honor the Fallen

While it’s perfectly fine to usher in the summer season with cookouts and kicking back at the pool, we should also remember that Memorial Day is about so much more.

There are many ways you can honor our nation’s fallen heroes. You could take a few moments of silence to reflect and appreciate the freedoms we enjoy or visit one of the country’s many national cemeteries. But if you’d like to take your remembrance a step further this year, one of the best ways to honor those who have died is to serve the living in their name.

Below, you will find several organizations that actively support those who are currently serving our nation. Partnering with these groups will serve as a beautiful tribute to the servicemembers who have died in service to our nation.

1. Donate to Help Grieving Families

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) provides care for families who are grieving the loss of a veteran or active-duty member of the Armed Forces. They provide around-the-clock support and resources to grieving family members. Through their Good Grief camps and Survivor’s Seminars, TAPS helps loved ones process their grief and gives them the tools they need to make it through a difficult time. Widows and widowers, parents, siblings, and children have all benefited from the extraordinary work that TAPS does. Consider donating to this organization to make a difference in the life of someone who is grieving.

2. Donate to Help the Children of Fallen Patriots

Children of Fallen Patriots is dedicated to looking after the children of soldiers who have died in service. They provide scholarships, educational assistance, and career support. Their work ensures that children receive the educational opportunities they need to thrive. Donating to this organization is a great way to honor the memory of servicemembers who have died during military service and to ensure that their loved ones receive the proper care and attention.

3. Donate to Help Injured Veterans

Wounded Warrior Project provides free aid in the form of mental and physical health services, benefits advice, and career counseling to veterans who were wounded post-9/11. Through free programs and events, they offer a helping hand and work to increase veterans’ quality of life after injury. They also provide support to the concerned families of wounded veterans and offer programs to help them walk through a difficult period of life with their loved ones. Start a fundraiser or donate personally to ensure that this charity continues to do great work.

4. Volunteer to Provide Yard Care

Project EverGreen provides lawn services to the families of soldiers who are currently deployed. They mow, trim, and fertilize lawns. Snow and ice removal services are also available. Project EverGreen also partners with “I Want to Mow Your Lawn” to provide lawn services for disabled and 65+ veterans. You can sign up to volunteer in any state. By taking some time out of your day to work up a little sweat, you could be an enormous help to active-duty service members, veterans, and their families.

5. Send a Care Package

Operation Gratitude sends care packages to veterans and active-duty service members. Care packages remind current and former members of our Armed Forces that we haven’t forgotten the sacrifices that they’ve made. You can donate to the cost of materials for care packages. Alternatively, you can contact Operation Gratitude directly to ask about other volunteer opportunities.

Other Organizations to Consider

It would take quite some time to discuss every organization you could partner with. Click the links below to learn about additional charities to honor, remember, and assist military members and their families.

Wreaths Across America (places Christmas wreaths on military graves)
K9s for Warriors (pairs suffering veterans with a service dog)
Fisher House (provides a temporary home while a loved one is in hospital)
Semper Fi & America’s Fund (cares for the critically wounded, ill, and injured)
Operation Homefront (provides critical financial support to military families)
Gary Sinise Foundation (focuses on a wide variety of needs)
USO (connects service members around the world to strengthen well-being)
Homes for Our Troops (builds custom homes for severely injured veterans)

This is far from an exhaustive list. If you know of another organization that honors veterans and/or service members, consider donating to it. Let this Memorial Day be a catalyst for action and an opportunity to do a little something for those who have done so much for us.

Apr 21

Love0

Officiant reading from book at graveside service

10 Funeral Costs That Are Often Overlooked

By christy.kessler Educational, Plan Ahead, Planning Tools

Every funeral is different, which means the cost can vary widely. While funeral homes provide clear pricing for their services through the General Price List, funerals often require additional services that can only be supplied by a third party. Because these items are provided by an outside entity, the pricing isn’t up to the funeral home. However, the funeral home staff know what to do and can ensure these services aren’t overlooked!

Today, let’s talk about 9 third-party funeral costs that are often overlooked but can be essential to creating a meaningful final tribute for a loved one.

1. Cemetery and Monument Charges

Whether you choose burial or cremation, you will likely need to consider cemetery costs in your plans. Cemetery charges would include the cost of a burial plot or a niche in a columbarium or mausoleum, plus any fees associated with opening and closing the grave.

Also, consider the cost of a grave marker or monument, along with a monument installation fee. Cemetery proprietors and monument companies determine these fees because many funeral homes do not own a cemetery or monument company themselves.

If you don’t already have a plan in place for cemetery needs, your funeral director can provide a recommendation or discuss your local cemetery options.

2. Death Certificates

Most people don’t realize how many death certificates they will need. As a rule of thumb, purchase multiple copies – more than you think you will need. Copies of a death certificate are typically requested as proof of death for life insurance policies, social security or veterans’ benefits, stocks, bonds, and banks, to name a few.

The state or municipality determine the cost of a death certificate, and that amount can change over time. While death certificates are typically inexpensive, you can make the process a bit easier by relying on the funeral home to complete all the paperwork and request certificates on your behalf. Just let your funeral director know how many you want.

3. Obituary/Death Notice

Many people are surprised at the cost associated with publishing an obituary or death notice in a newspaper, especially in a larger city. In most cases, the funeral home will publish an obituary to the funeral home’s website at no cost, but if you wish to post it elsewhere, the fee may be higher than you expect. If there’s a particular place you’d like to publish the obituary, let your director know so you can discuss any fees or requirements.

4. Church or Venue Charges

If you choose to have a funeral or memorial service outside the funeral home’s facility, the venue you choose may charge a fee to use the space. Your funeral director will help you coordinate and discuss any rental fees for the location you’ve selected. Choosing a special location can add a beautiful touch to the ceremony and may be just the right way to honor your loved one’s life.

5. Flowers

Depending on the time of year, the cost of flowers will fluctuate. Unfortunately, this makes it hard to pin down the actual cost. While most funeral homes don’t have their own florists, they do have positive working relationships with local businesses. If you’d like, the funeral home can purchase floral arrangements on your behalf. You can work with your funeral director to set a budget and discuss which types of flowers you prefer.

6. Live Music

Music is a very personal and touching way to create a one-of-a-kind tribute. If you elect to have live music, it is likely that an honorarium (monetary token of appreciation) will be necessary. Most of the time, the musician or group you choose to hire will determine the honorarium amount. If you don’t already have a musician in mind, you can ask your funeral director for recommendations.

7. Officiant Honorarium

It’s common practice to have an officiant at the funeral, who will act as host for the service and ensure that events move along smoothly. It is customary to offer this person an honorarium for their time and effort.

In many cases, the officiant will be a clergy person or a celebrant. A celebrant is a non-clergy person who has trained to eulogize and coordinate funeral services. However, anyone can do it. If you have a friend who is willing to officiate for free, you can do that.

No matter whom you choose, discuss that person’s fee expectations before you hire them.

8. Pallbearers

In many cases, pallbearers are family members and friends. However, for some, it is difficult to identify six to eight pallbearers. If you require assistance, the funeral home can help by hiring the extra hands needed. This service will come with a small fee for each hired pallbearer, which your funeral director will discuss with you before anyone is employed.

9. Police Escort

In many states, it is common practice to request a police escort for the funeral procession to the final resting place. With an escort, the funeral procession can move through traffic in an orderly way and without traffic delays. The cost for this service is determined by the local police department, and your funeral director is likely to already know the cost (if any).

Urn sitting on table with red rose floral arrangement

10. Catering

And finally, if you choose to have a reception following the service, don’t forget to count the cost of catering. Whether you decide to serve refreshments or a full meal, pricing will be subject to whatever catering service or restaurant you select. You can, of course, make any food yourself (or go potluck style), but catering can make a stressful time a bit easier. If you aren’t sure how to proceed with catering, your funeral director can help you get everything ordered and set up.

While not all-inclusive, you now have a better understanding of these 9 often overlooked funeral costs. Thankfully, you have an advocate and a guide in your trusted funeral director. They can help you navigate through the funeral planning process from beginning to end.

Whether you are planning ahead for your own funeral wishes or creating a meaningful final tribute for a loved one, your funeral director will sit down with you to discuss all the options, ensuring that nothing is forgotten or left unconsidered.

Apr 07

Love0

12 Songs to Honor Dad at a Funeral Service

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Music

For many people, a dad is so much more than just another family member. He’s a protective guardian and a strong refuge. He offers care, provision, laughter, and crazy shenanigans. He supports, teaches, connects, and loves. When you lose someone so important to your life, the urge to honor them in a special way is strong. If you are planning a personalized final tribute for a loving father, consider including one of these 12 songs to honor his life and reflect how you feel about him.

Father holding son outside as son holds a model airplane

This list is organized into three categories: songs from a daughter, songs from a son, and songs that can be used by anyone to honor their dad. Let’s get started!

Songs from a Daughter

1. Fathers & Daughters (Michael Bolton)

When times are hard, I know you’ll be strong
I’ll be there in your heart when you’ll carry on
Like moonlight on the water, and sunlight in the sky
Fathers and daughters never say goodbye

Inspired by Michael Bolton’s relationship with his own three daughters, this heartfelt ballad captures the emotional connection between fathers and daughters. With its themes of love, protection, and hope, it highlights the way a father will be a guiding presence through every part of life, even after they’re gone. This song perfectly honors a dad whose steady support has always been a pillar of strength in your life.

2. Daddy’s Hands (Holly Dunn)

If I could do things over, I’d live my life again
And never take for granted the love in daddy’s hands

This all-time country classic celebrates fathers and their quiet strength and dedication to family. Based on Dunn’s relationship with her own father, it showcases the many hats that dads wear. From praying and calming nightmares to providing for the family and loving Mama well, this beloved melody brings tears to the eyes and fullness to the heart. Give it a listen and consider including this song in your selections to honor your father.

3. Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel) (Billy Joel)

Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be very far away

With its softness and aching tenderness, this is one of Billy Joel’s most touching songs. Inspired by his daughter, Joel incorporates themes of protection, love, comfort, and the timeless connection between father and daughter across time and distance. The lyrics touch on death and how the love between a father and his daughter will always survive, saying “you’ll always be a part of me.” For those who want to highlight the transcendence of love beyond death, this song is a perfect complement to a father’s final tribute.

4. Butterfly Kisses (Bob Carlisle)

Oh, with all that I’ve done wrong
I must have done something right
To deserve her love every morning

This Grammy Award-winning song has become meaningful to so many fathers and daughters across the nation. With its themes of growing up, letting go, and loving deeply, its message is relatable and something many fathers experience as their daughters become women. If you shared a loving connection with your dad, then this song may be a beautiful way to honor that relationship while saying goodbye.

Songs from a Son

5. My Old Man (Zac Brown Band)

I can still remember every lesson he taught me
Growing up learning how to be
Like my old man

This timeless song delves into the complexities of the father-son relationship, thoughtfully reflecting on how a son learns from his father and seeks to imitate him in so many ways. Filled with raw emotion and meaningful lyrics, the song captures the essence of paternal love and its impact on young sons. For the son who aspires to become just like his old man, this song can be a “Thank you” and a “I’ll make you proud” at a father’s final tribute.

6. Monsters (James Blunt)

No need to forgive, no need to forget
I know your mistakes and you know mine
And while you’re sleeping, I’ll try to make you proud

If you’ve never heard James Blunt’s “Monsters,” then bring out the tissues before listening. Written during a time when his father was facing imminent kidney failure, Blunt’s lyrics are real, visceral, and clearly showcase just how much his father means to him. For those with a father facing a terminal illness or who has died from a chronic disease, this poignant song can serve as a heartfelt farewell and a message of love and care.

7. Thank You for Being My Dad (Jon Barker)

Thank you for shaping my life
Thank you for teaching me all you can
You are no ordinary man, no no
You make me everything I am

A popular choice for a father’s funeral, this song expresses deep gratitude and appreciation for a father’s guidance, love, and support. With its positive and melodic tone, it is soothing even as the lyrics convey the importance of communicating the impact of a father’s love. If you didn’t get a chance to say “thank you” to your dad or want to honor him again as you say goodbye, consider adding this memorable song to the funeral program.

8. Love Without End, Amen (George Strait)

He said, “Daddies don’t just love their children
Every now and then, It’s a love without end, amen”

From award-winning country artist George Strait, this captivating and emotional song tells the story of a father’s unconditional love for his son. No matter what the child has done, his father’s love will be a “love without end, amen.” There is an unbreakable bond between father and child, and the lyrics capture the unwavering and constant nature of the love that binds. This country classic would be a beautiful addition to any dad’s final tribute.

Songs from Anyone

9. Fall on Me (Andrea Bocelli and Matteo Bocelli)

I close my eyes, and I’m seeing you everywhere
I step outside, it’s like I’m breathing you in the air
I can feel you’re there

With its soaring vocals and emotional delivery, this stunning song is a duet between father-and-son vocalists, Andrea and Matteo Bocelli. As you listen, you can hear the deep love and affection shared between the two men. While the words are referencing the ability to fall on a higher power for guidance and direction, the same lyrics easily apply to a loving father on Earth. Consider including this song as a reminder that a father’s love never ends and will continue to provide light and hope in the future.

10. Kind and Generous (Natalie Merchant)

Oh, I want to thank you for so many gifts
You gave with love and tenderness
I want to thank you

In this lovely song, Merchant shares a message of profound gratitude for the generous, selfless, and kind acts that make a significant impact on our lives. While it’s not written specifically to a father, the song’s words paint a picture of a relationship based on genuine care and support. As you say a final farewell to your dad, this song can convey the deep and abiding gratitude you feel for his place in your life and the deep love you shared.

11. Dance with My Father (Luther Vandross)

I’d play a song that would never ever end
‘Cause I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again

Based on Vandross’s life with his father (who died when Vandross was seven), this poignant ballad leans into the importance of memory. The lyrics recall fond childhood memories and capture the essence of a loving and secure home. The yearning for one last dance, one final moment, together is something many grieving children (of any age) can relate to. With its emotional depth and powerful delivery, this song is a heartfelt tribute for any service.

12. Footprints in the Sand (Leona Lewis)

I promise you
I’m always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
And I’ll carry you

Inspired by the spiritual poem of the same name, this song emphasizes the fact that we are never alone and highlights the strength and comfort that can be found in fatherly relationships. Whether you are leaning into a heavenly Father or the memory of your earthly father, that relationship can be a steadying influence and a lifelong comfort. If your father helped carry your hurts and burdens, this song can honor that part of his life and legacy.

As you plan a personalized tribute for your dad, you are not limited to the songs on this list. These are merely a starting place and meant to inspire you. If there’s a song that always reminds you of your dad or that he sang regularly, include that song. The goal of personalizing the music at a funeral service is to capture the person’s unique life and personality. So, think of who your dad was and choose music that feels meaningful and reflects your unique relationship.

Additional Resources

For more suggestions on songs to include at a funeral service, check out the resources below:

By decade:

Apr 06

Love0

8 Simple Tips for Writing a Meaningful Condolence Letter

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss, Helping a Friend in Grief

Not sure what to say to comfort a grieving friend? You know you should say something, but the words aren’t coming to you. Perhaps you worry about saying the wrong thing and adding to their pain. Consider sending a handwritten condolence letter! With a few pointers, you can reach out and offer heartfelt, sincere, and meaningful words of sympathy. Let’s talk about it.

8 Simple Tips for Writing a Meaningful Condolence Letter

1. Say something

It’s human nature to avoid situations that feel difficult or uncomfortable. But just because something is uncomfortable does not mean it shouldn’t be done. Choosing not to say anything at all after a friend’s loss doesn’t help them and may unintentionally communicate that you don’t care. Instead, consider showing your love and support by picking up a pen to write them a condolence card.

2. Social media isn’t always enough

So many of us express condolences on social media (“I’m so sorry for your loss.” “I’m praying for you.”), but then we stop there. But think how much more meaningful it would be if you took time out of your day to specifically and intentionally write a condolence letter.

Condolences expressed on social media are all well and good, and they can be helpful. It’s an excellent way to express sympathy to someone you don’t know well. But for those you personally know and have a connection to, just think how much more care you will convey by taking the extra time to write a letter.

3. Handwrite it

By handwriting the letter, you add an extra level of personalization. You took the time to sit down and not only gather your thoughts, but also to write them out. How many people actually do that these days? Far fewer than in previous years. It can mean so much more to receive a handwritten note in the mail than a message on social media.

4. Keep it short(ish)

You don’t have to write a novel for your sympathy letter. In fact, it’s better if you keep it somewhat short and succinct, balanced with intentionality and compassion.

5. Make it personal

As much as possible, tailor your words to create a letter that is personal and specific. You could add words of encouragement, a quote, or a poem. If you knew the person who has died, share a positive story that you remember about them or a way they impacted you.

On the other hand, if you didn’t know the person who has died, mention that you know how much they meant to your grieving friend. Or you can recall things your friend told you about that special person (“I remember you told me…”). No matter how you say it, express your sorrow for their loss.

6. No comparisons

If you’ve lost a loved one, you know that it is hard, painful, and exhausting. But even though you can relate to someone’s grief, avoid comparing your grief to theirs. You may have both lost a mom, but you are two different people with unique relationships to your moms, which means your two grief journeys are going to look very different.

Instead, offer words of comfort without comparisons. Share a valuable lesson you’ve learned in your own grief journey while still acknowledging, “I know your loss is different from mine.”

7. Be real

Don’t be afraid to use words like “death,” “died,” or “die.” According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a respected grief expert and counselor, acknowledging the reality of the death of a loved one is necessary to move forward in your grief journey. By being unafraid to use these terms, you participate in helping to acknowledge the reality of the loss.

8. Add a thoughtful action

These days, no matter where you live, you can do something thoughtful for a grieving friend. If you live nearby, take a casserole over to the family. If you live further away, order flowers online. With the internet, there’s so much you can do even if you’re separated by distance. But remember, don’t offer anything you can’t deliver. Check out “Sympathy Gifts You Can Mail” and “10 Caring and Creative Sympathy Gifts” for a few ideas!

Things to Avoid When Writing a Condolence Letter

Now that you know what to do, let’s touch on some things you should NOT do. In many cases, what you don’t say is just as important as what you do say. Here are a few pitfalls to avoid:

Sometimes the grieving person needs to tell their story, but you should always let them decide how much they want to share, especially regarding the circumstances of their loved one’s death. It’s not helpful to make the grieving person feel like you are looking for juicy gossip.
Refrain from saying anything negative about the person who has died. You may not have personally liked them, but for the purposes of a condolence letter, keep your opinions to yourself.
Avoid saying insensitive things like “You’re better off without them” or “Cheer up!” Every person needs to be allowed to grieve in their own way, not feel like they’re doing it wrong.
Don’t mention the will or the estate. If you are in line to inherit something, you will be contacted at the proper time. The condolence letter is not the right time.
Try to avoid clichés. For example, “It was just their time to go” or “They’re in a better place” are cliché phrases that don’t help. Instead, put your heart into the letter and be real and sincere.

White paper with beige envelope with pink and white flowers

With these tips up your sleeve, you will have an easier time writing a meaningful condolence letter. It will still take time, so make sure that you aren’t in a hurry when you sit down to write. Put together a draft first, let it sit for a while, and come back to see if there’s anything that needs adjusting. Once you feel good about the content, write it out in your best handwriting and place it in the mail. Your words may become the bright spot in your grieving friend’s day!

Mar 10

Love0

11 Meaningful Ways to Honor Your Loved One’s Ashes

By christy.kessler Cremation, Memorial, Plan Ahead, Planning Tools

Have you considered how to honor a loved one’s ashes after their passing? In today’s world, there are so many options available, and you’re sure to find one that perfectly matches your loved one’s preferences and personality. To help you get started with choosing the best option, let’s discuss 11 meaningful ways that you can honor a loved one’s cremated remains. With the information gained, you can thoughtfully decide what’s best for your family’s specific needs.

1. Burial

Did you know that you can bury an urn? Just like a casket, you can hold a graveside service and bury an urn in a cemetery of your choosing. Additionally, many cemeteries allow you to bury an urn alongside a casket, in case two loved ones had differing burial preferences. If you wish, you can also look for a cemetery with an urn garden, where there’s a dedicated and landscaped area for urn fountains and benches.

2. Columbarium

An above-ground structure, the columbarium exclusively houses cremated remains. The columbarium is filled with niches (wall spaces) where urns are placed and interred. A bronze plaque with an epitaph will be placed on the exterior of the niche to mark a loved one’s final resting place. This is perhaps the most familiar option for cremation, aside from scattering.

3. Scattering

Scattering is the act of taking a loved one’s ashes to meaningful places and scattering them. This could be by the ocean, in the mountains, at a special place, or near home. Alternatively, you could opt for a scattering garden, which is a designated space often attached to a cemetery. Regardless of where you choose to scatter your loved one’s ashes, always review local laws and regulations first.

4. Keep the Ashes at Home

More people are starting to keep the cremated remains of a loved one at home. This option is definitely viable, but make sure you indicate in your will what to do with the ashes after your passing. Whoever handles your estate may not know about your loved one’s urn and could dispose of it unknowingly. So, if you do keep a loved one’s ashes in your home, make sure you communicate a plan for their care after you are gone.

5. Memorial Jewelry

Another popular option is to place a small amount of a loved one’s ashes in memorial jewelry. The jewelry design often includes a small interior space (like a locket) where the ashes are placed. You can choose from various styles, metals, and types (e.g. necklaces, rings, pendants, etc.). Selecting this option allows you to take a small part of your loved one with you, no matter where you go.

6. Under the Sea

For a loved one who adored the ocean, there are now options available at sea. For example, you can place an urn in an underwater mausoleum. Or you can create an artificial coral reef with a loved one’s ashes that will assist in the repair and conservation of natural coral reefs. As a memorial to your loved one, consider affixing a plaque to the artificial reef. Also, in many cases, it’s possible to be present as the reef is placed in the ocean.

7. Plant the Ashes

With the proper treatment, it is now possible to plant a memorial tree with a loved one’s ashes. With this option, you will place a special, biodegradable urn in the ground. The top section of the urn contains seeds and soil, while the bottom holds the treated ashes (making them safe for plants). Once the roots grow deep enough, they will mingle with the ashes. Speak with a trusted funeral director to learn more about this option.

8. Launch into Space

Interestingly enough, you can send a person’s ashes into space. If your loved one adored space and all its mysteries or was always looking for the next big adventure, you might consider this option. Of course, there will be regulations and stipulations to follow, but it is an option available to you.

9. Stained Glass or Hand-Blown Glass Keepsakes

Another possibility is to have the ashes of a loved one infused with glass to create beautiful pendants, paperweights, orbs, hourglasses, and other glassware. During the creation process, layers of hot glass encase the ashes. The process fuses the two (glass and ashes) together permanently. As with memorial jewelry, this option requires only a small portion of the ashes.

10. Press into a Diamond

A growing trend is to forge a loved one’s ashes into diamonds, which are made of crystallized carbon. This is possible because the second most abundant element in the human body is carbon. After the diamond-making process is complete, the family can design memorial jewelry or other items of significance to remember someone loved.

11. Memorial Stones

With memorial stones, the cremated remains are compressed into a collection of 40-80+ stones. Each stone possesses its own unique color, texture, and shape. To create the stones, the ashes are mixed with a clay-like material, shaped into stones, and then fired in a kiln. The finished stones can be placed in a garden, given to individual family members, taken to mountain peaks, or whatever else would be meaningful for your family.

As you can see, there are many ways to honor the cremated body of someone dearly loved. The most important thing is to determine which will be the most meaningful for you and your family. And keep in mind that these are only some of the options. There may be something else out there just right for you!

Feb 24

Love0

Woman reviewing notifications on social media

Tips for Writing a Memorial Post on Social Media

By christy.kessler Educational, Grief/Loss, Memorial

When you’re grieving, remembrance and expression are an essential part of the healing process. You need time to sit with your memories, turn them over in your mind, and process them. And as you review each memory, lean into how it makes you feel and express what’s going on in your mind and heart.

One way to meet both needs (remembrance and expression) is to create a memorial post for social media. As you craft a memorial post (either before or any time after the funeral), you can look back on your loved one’s life (remembrance) and put what you’re thinking and feeling into words (expression). In many ways, the process can be incredibly cathartic and help you get things that are whirling around in your heart and mind outside of yourself in a healthy way. But how do you write a memorial post for social media? Let’s talk about it.

Why Post on Social Media?

For most of us, social media has become a normal, everyday part of our lives. While social media comes with its positives and negatives, it is an excellent way to connect with others quickly and easily. By publishing a memorial post on social media, you:

Honor your loved one’s life and memory publicly
Express what’s on your heart and mind
Reflect on the meaningful moments you experienced with your loved one
Invite others to remember your loved one’s life alongside you
Receive love and support from others
Encourage others to reflect on their own grief in a healthy way

Grief is a universal experience. Every person on this planet knows what it is to experience grief and loss. By creating a memorial post, you acknowledge that collective experience and open the door to compassion, reflection, and eventually, healing.

5 Tips for Writing a Memorial Post on Social Media

So, how do you get started? Here are 5 simple tips for writing a memorial post, but remember, these are guidelines, not rules.

1. Select a Meaningful Image, Video, Song, or Quote

Perhaps the easiest place to start is with choosing a meaningful image, video, song, or quote. You can then use this chosen media to inspire what you write in the post. Plus, a visual can enhance the post by adding a layer of connection and evoke emotions and memories.

You could choose a photo that means a lot to you or one that captures a milestone event in your life or your loved one’s life. By using a video, your loved one’s physical presence and vitality add a dynamic element to the post. Alternatively, you could include a meaningful quote or share a song that brings tears to your eyes and memories to your heart.

2. Write from the Heart

When writing a memorial post, it’s okay to let your emotions guide you. Because the intention of a memorial post is to reflect on memories, use sincere and heartfelt language as you express your grief and share the story behind meaningful moments. Feel free to talk about how difficult it has been without that special person and how much you miss them.

However, a few tips on what not to include: it’s best to stay respectful, avoid controversial topics, and refrain from sharing traumatic details about the death. Also, if you are posting about a non-family member, be mindful of the family’s privacy and don’t reveal details that are meant to remain private.

3. Add Personal Touches

As you write, consider adding personal touches to the post. You could share a specific memory, talk about a shared experience, or discuss your loved one’s unique quirks. Talk about their love of music or pop culture or 8-track tapes or the color yellow.

If you’ve included a video with the post, give some context and share why it means so much to you. You can also do this with photos, memes, GIFs, or songs. As you add personal details to your memorial post, you not only express your own sentiments and feelings, but you also transform a general tribute into a unique portrait of your loved one’s life.

4. Include a Call to Action (Optional)

It’s possible that your post may serve two purposes: honoring your loved one’s life and promoting a cause or event. Perhaps your loved one was deeply involved in the local theatre scene, and there’s a new play opening this weekend. You could share a memory about going to plays with your loved one and encourage everyone to go enjoy the newest production!

In a case like this, you can include a call to action. For example, “I’m going out to support the theatre this weekend to honor Dad! I hope to see you there.” Alternatively, you can share a loved one’s final tribute details or highlight their favorite non-profit. No matter what the cause or event, you can create a sense of community and support by inviting others to join in.

5. Think, Review, and Revise

No matter what you’re writing (academic paper, email, social media comment, etc.), always take time to think, review, and revise.

Stop to think about what you’ve written. Does it say what you want to say? Does it hit the tone and purpose you’re going for? Is what you’ve said going to hurt any family or friends who are grieving?
Review each word you’ve written. Are you clear and concise? Are there any grammatical errors or misspellings? Did you forget to add any necessary details?
And finally, if you see something you want to change, revise it right away.

Two easy proofreading hacks are reading it aloud and asking someone else to review it. When you read it aloud, anything that’s off will often rise to the surface. Did everything make sense to you? Did you trip over any wording or feel like the phrasing was awkward? And when you ask a friend to read your post, they may see something you didn’t. Once the post is fully reviewed, make edits as needed. Once you’re happy with it, it’s time to post!

What Happens After You Post?

Once your memorial post is live, people may post comments on it. These comments are likely to be supportive and kind, sharing in your grief. If you wish, you can react or reply to comments and talk more about the loss. But if you simply want to read the comments and not go any further, that’s okay, too. Also, some people are unkind or simply oblivious, so if you see a rude or inappropriate comment, you can either ignore it or delete it. This is your memorial post, and you can curate it however you want.

Also, it’s unlikely, but it’s possible that someone may post a rude or inappropriate comment. Decide now how you will respond if that happens. The simplest responses are to either ignore the comment or delete it. This is your memorial post, and you can do what you want with it. Just because someone makes a comment doesn’t mean you have to keep it.

Writing a memorial post is a beautiful way to celebrate a person’s life and the impact they had on others. Whether you’re crafting a tribute for a beloved family member, a cherished friend, or a respected colleague, the process requires sensitivity, thoughtfulness, and a touch of creativity. May these simple tips help you create a loving post that honors that special person and brings comfort to your heart and peace to your soul.

Feb 09

Love0

Woman in black holding red rose near her heart

Unique Venue Ideas for a Celebration of Life Service

By christy.kessler Meaningful Funerals

Losing a loved one can bring the heart and soul so much comfort to honor and remember that beloved life in a special and meaningful way. In fact, creating a personalized final tribute can make a big difference on your grief journey.

According to author, educator, and grief expert Dr. Alan Wolfelt, “People who take the time and make the effort to create meaningful funeral arrangements when someone loved dies…emerge changed, more authentic and purposeful. The best funerals remind us how we should live.” One way to personalize a funeral is to choose a venue that is unique and special to the person whose life you are honoring. But how do you get started?

Questions to Ask Yourself

The options for a special venue are numerous, but it’s helpful to ask yourself a few questions as you brainstorm.

What things or places were most important to my loved one?
What did my loved one value?
Where did my loved one enjoy spending their time?
What hobbies or interests did my loved one enjoy the most?
Is there a place that instantly comes to mind when I think about my loved one?

If your mind is drawing a blank, you can consult with a trusted funeral director or talk with family members and friends to come up with options. And to spark your creativity, here are a few ideas!

5 Venue Ideas for a Celebration of Life Service

1. Golf Course or Club

If your loved one was an active golfer, it might be meaningful to coordinate part of the service at a favorite hole on the course. After a memorial service on the green, you could move into the clubhouse. Once there, you can display your loved one’s clubs, photos, and even ask golfing buddies to share tales of their golfing adventures.

2. A Tribute at Sea

If your loved one was most at home on a boat, you could rent a vessel and have a seaworthy ceremony. While on the water, spread flowers on the water or go fishing in their honor. Alternatively, you could scatter your loved one’s ashes at sea (make sure you follow local ordinances) or purchase a biodegradable urn and lay them to rest beneath the waves. If you want, you can even turn their ashes into a barrier reef to help heal the ocean!

3. Local Baseball Diamond or Park

If your loved one was a huge fan of softball/baseball or was a player or coach, you might consider holding the service at a local park or baseball diamond. In addition to having the service, you could invite family, friends, and neighbors to play a game in your loved one’s honor. To add another special touch, you could set up a photo of your loved one in a place of honor on the field or ask everyone to wear special jerseys.

4. Nature Lover’s Outdoor Service

For outdoor lovers, you could ask your funeral director about holding the service at a local botanical garden, park, or private garden (with permission, of course). This would allow you to incorporate the peacefulness of the outdoors into your tribute and share the joy that being surrounded by nature brought to your loved one. Or, if you prefer, many National Parks allow scattering, and you can hold a quiet, private service there to honor your loved one.

5. Beachside Service

Lastly, if your loved one found joy in walking along the beach at sunset, finding unique seashells, or surfing at dawn, perhaps you could coordinate a lakeside or beachside service. You could incorporate a much-loved seashell collection or invite guests to set flowers or lanterns adrift on the water. Bring memorial candles to light as you watch the sun disappear on the horizon and remember the person you love.

These are just a few ideas for how you can personalize the venue for a final tribute. No matter what you’d like to do, bring it up with your funeral director. They will work with you to determine whether an idea is possible. From launching a loved one’s ashes into space to requesting a military funeral at a national cemetery, the funeral home staff will help you create a personalized goodbye that brings peace and comfort to your heart.

Additional Personalization Resources

For more information on how to personalize a loved one’s final goodbye, check out these additional resources that offer suggestions and ideas for a unique tribute.

Jan 19

Love0

10 Mourning Rights of a Grieving Spouse

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss

Losing a spouse can feel like losing an essential part of yourself. The two of you were a team, doing all the ups and downs of life together. Now, you find yourself facing life alone, and you don’t remember how to do it on your own. Some days, you may even feel like you’re going crazy. But you’re not crazy – you’re grieving.

While the grief journey is about saying goodbye and moving forward, it’s also about honoring the love you shared, reflecting on the memories you made, and finding a new place in your heart for your spouse’s presence.

As you walk through the heartbreaking loss of a spouse, remember these things:

1. You have the right to your own unique grief

Every person grieves in their own way, and you have the right to experience your grief differently than the people around you. While you are grieving a spouse, other family members may be going through the loss of a parent or child. For example, if one or both of your spouse’s parents are still living, you are both grieving the same person but very different losses.

It’s possible that other family members may expect you to react to the loss of a spouse in a certain way. Try not to conform your needs to their expectations. Instead, be real about what you need and compassionately communicate those needs when appropriate.

2. You have the right to talk about your feelings

Many people grow up learning that it’s better to conceal emotions (and admittedly, some places aren’t appropriate for emotional outbursts), but most of the time, it’s healthy to express what you’re feeling. And one of the most tried and true ways to express what you’re thinking and feeling is through talking.

Talking about your spouse may be painful at first. If it’s easier, you can start by writing down what you’re thinking and feeling. Once you are comfortable with that, you can move to speaking with trusted family and friends who are ready to hear what you have to say. The biggest thing is to express what’s going on in your heart and get those big feelings out in the open, not trapped inside you.

3. You have the right to feel the way you feel

After a loss, it’s common to feel a wide range of emotions. Shock, denial, confusion, yearning, guilt, sadness, or depression, to name a few. All of these reactions are normal. And if you’ve just lost your soulmate, these feelings may be more intense than anything you’ve felt before. But remember – it’s normal.

Try to embrace what you’re feeling, but when you can, do it in small doses. For example, when you’re busy but feel the grief rising, allow yourself to engage with your emotions for 10 minutes. Go to a quiet place and cry, scream, kick, do whatever you need to do (as long as you don’t harm yourself or others). After 10 minutes, take a deep breath, and go back to what you were doing. It’s going to take time and many such moments of grief to process this deep loss.

4. You have the right to be tired

Grief is hard work, mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. You may find yourself feeling simply exhausted at the end of the day. And at night, your bed may feel less welcoming because that special person is no longer there. Some people even experience physical symptoms like headaches, nausea, and weight loss or gain after losing a loved one.

Please know – this is a natural reaction. Your body is in distress, the same as your mind and heart. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Rest every day. Eat balanced meals. Be kind to yourself as you grieve the loss of your spouse and figure out how to move forward.

5. You have the right to experience “grief bursts”

At times, the feelings of grief are going to appear suddenly and overwhelmingly. This is called a “grief burst.” It could be triggered by many things. You walk past the perfume counter and breathe in your wife’s preferred scent. You burst into tears while cooking dinner because he was the best chef ever. You wake up and say “good morning” before you remember no one is there.

So many small moments could trigger a grief burst. The powerful surge of emotion can be scary, but it’s normal and natural. When these bursts happen, honor and acknowledge them; don’t suppress them. Let yourself cry. Write down what’s going through your mind. Or call someone you trust and talk with them through the grief burst.

6. You have the right to engage in healing actions

Sometimes, in order to heal, you will need to do more than talk – you need to act. And as you put your grief into motion, you engage with your feelings and begin to process them in a healthy way. But what are “healing actions”?

Get coffee with someone and share a few cherished memories about your spouse. Mark your spouse’s birthday in a special way. Volunteer at their favorite organization. Talk about your lost spouse with family, friends, and your children. Write to your spouse and catch them up on everyone’s news. Visit their final resting place to chat for a little bit.

These are all acts of mourning – the outward expression of your internal grief. As hard as it is to believe, as you do the work of grief and participate in healing actions, you will find a way to move forward. You will never forget your spouse – nor should you – but you can find the path toward healing and discover a good life you didn’t know could exist.

7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality

If you are a person of faith, your beliefs are either sustaining you or it’s all feeling a little shaky. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s okay. The loss of a spouse can unbalance your entire world.

If you are a person of faith, surround yourself with people who understand and support your religious beliefs. Find someone to talk with who won’t be critical of your feelings. Pray. Meditate. Journal. Share what you’re feeling with God; he’s big enough and loving enough to accept and understand whatever you’re feeling, even if it’s anger toward him.

8. You have the right to take your time

Whether you’ve been married for 6 months or 60 years, take all the time you need to grieve your loss. You may have a well-meaning friend or family member who’s encouraging you to “move on” because “enough time has passed.” You can politely ignore them because, in truth, there’s no rush, no timeline, and no expiration date on grief. It takes the time it takes.

Ultimately, the journey toward reconciliation – learning how to move forward after a loss – often depends on the type of loss and the depth of the relationship. With a spouse, a soulmate, the process can take longer than with other types of loss. After all, your spouse was with you every day, the person who knew you best, inside and out. That type of relationship comes with deep love and appreciation and deserves to be fully mourned.

9. You have the right to treasure your memories

Think back on your cherished memories. The moment you met your spouse. The first time you knew you wanted to marry them. The meaningful moments you shared, from the wedding day to having children, decorating your first home, or traveling together. You have some very special memories that no one else has, and they are very precious.

So, what could you do to treasure your spouse’s memory? You could collect keepsakes – photos, favorite items, something special between you and your spouse, etc. Have a piece of jewelry made to wear in remembrance. Start a tradition that brings you comfort. Bake their favorite Christmas treat every year. There are so many ways that you can remember and treasure the memories. Simply choose the ones that speak to you.

10. You have the right to grieve and to heal

No matter what your feelings or other people may be telling you right now, remember that you do have the right to grieve and to heal.

Nationally respected grief author and educator Dr. Alan Wolfelt tells us that, in many ways, we never truly “get over” a death; instead, we learn to reconcile ourselves to the loss. He states, “Your feelings of loss will not completely disappear, yet they will soften, and the intense pangs of grief will become less frequent. Hope for a continued life will emerge as you are able to make commitments to the future…. The unfolding of this journey is not intended to create a return to an ‘old normal’ but the discovery of a ‘new normal.’”

The journey ahead is not going to be easy. The loss you’ve suffered is significant and heartbreaking. As you grapple with the loss, grieve in whatever way you need so that you and your family can find healing, peace, and reconciliation.

*Adapted from Dr. Alan Wolfelt’s The Mourner’s Bill of Rights.

Dec 31

Love0

Looking up at the top of green trees with slivers of blue sky beyond

How Does Natural Organic Reduction Work?

By christy.kessler Educational

When deciding your funeral preferences, you might be wondering what options are available. Natural organic reduction (NOR) is a green funeral option that you may not know much about. Today, let’s talk about what it is and how the process works.

What is Natural Organic Reduction?

To keep it simple, natural organic reduction is the process of transforming human remains into nutrient-rich soil through controlled natural decomposition. Washington State was the first to legalize natural organic reduction, and other states have followed suit since then. Both gentle and sustainable, natural organic reduction is becoming an eco-friendly alternative to classic burial and cremation.

What’s the Process for Natural Organic Reduction?

As you might guess, there are a few steps to the natural organic reduction process. It takes time and precision to turn the human body into perfectly balanced, nutrient-rich soil.

Step 1: Preparation of the Body and the Vessel

Body preparation: As with any form of final disposition, the body must always be prepared. For natural organic reduction, this means washing the body and placing it in a compostable garment. Because natural organic reduction is a green practice, there is no embalming or restorative work done on the body. It’s a simple cleansing and clothing process before keeping the body cool with regulated temperature conditions.

Vessel preparation: In addition to preparing the body, the vessel must also be made ready. The “vessel” is the pod/container where the body will go through the natural organic reduction process. Based on the person’s body weight, the vessel is filled with wood chips, alfalfa, and straw. These natural materials will aid in the decomposition process over the coming weeks. Once the vessel is ready, the prepared body is placed inside and covered with more natural material.

Step 2: The “Laying In” Period

Once the body is sealed in the vessel, it will remain there for roughly five to seven weeks. The timeline varies depending on the provider you use. During the laying in period, the microbes in the wood chips, alfalfa, and straw speed up the decomposition process and create change at a molecular level.

By controlling the ratio of carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, heat, and moisture inside the vessel, providers can create the perfect environment for microbes and beneficial bacteria to thrive. Additionally, staff will occasionally rotate the vessel to ensure that every corner of the vessel receives proper air flow. The aeration (oxygen circulation) combined with the microbes cause the body and the plant material to break down and become soil.

Let’s break down each element a little more:

Aeration – The straw, wood chips, and other organic material need oxygen to promote microbial activity, which is necessary for decomposition.
Moisture Control – Too much moisture can hinder the decomposition process, so vessels are monitored to ensure they maintain the proper moisture levels.
Temperature Control – In addition to moisture, temperature must also be closely monitored; generally, an optimal temperature of between 131°F and 160°F is maintained throughout the process.

Every aspect of the laying in period is closely monitored to ensure that each element of the process runs smoothly, from start to finish.

Step 3: The “Curing” or “Resting” Period

Once enough time has passed, the soil is removed from the vessel and screened for non-organic items, like hip replacements or stents. The soil is then placed in a separate container (perhaps a cube or a bin) where it will cure or rest for another three to five weeks.

During this resting period, the soil will cool and microbial activity will slow. Once the curing phase is complete, the soil is balanced, nutrient-rich, and ready to use in nature.

Step 4: The Soil Finds New Life

Finally, the soil is ready to find new life. It is free of toxins and contains no heavy metals or pathogens, making it safe for use in the natural world.

The family may choose to take the soil home and use it in their own garden or yard. Alternatively, they can donate it to a soil conservation non-profit, where the soil will be used to revitalize forests.

Wherever the soil finds a home, it will nourish new life and continue to benefit our world.

What’s Next?

Hopefully, you now have a fuller understanding of how the natural organic reduction process works. If you have additional questions, please speak with a trusted local funeral home that offers natural organic reduction. They will help you understand what your service options are (yes, you can still have a service!), personalization ideas, pricing, and much more.

You can click here to see if natural organic reduction is legal in your state. Also, check out “An FAQ Guide to Natural Organic Reduction” for answers to commonly asked questions.

Dec 31

Love0

Root system of moss-covered tree in a forest

An FAQ Guide to Natural Organic Reduction

By christy.kessler Educational, Explore Options, Planning Tools

Have you ever heard of natural organic reduction? If you haven’t, don’t worry! Today, we’re going to discuss some frequently asked questions about this new service option, so that you can be informed when making end-of-life decisions. Let’s get started!

What is natural organic reduction?

Natural organic reduction is the process of transforming human remains into nutrient-rich soil through controlled natural decomposition. Washington State was the first to legalize natural organic reduction, and other states have followed suit since then. Both gentle and sustainable, natural organic reduction is considered a “green” funeral option and has become an eco-friendly alternative to classic burial and cremation.

Does natural organic reduction go by any other names?

Yes, you may come across several names as you research this service option. In addition to natural organic reduction, you may find it called human composting, soil transformation, recomposting, recomposition, and terramation.

How does the natural organic reduction process work?

Typically, the process occurs in phases and can take 8 to 12 weeks to complete. The body is laid in a specially designed vessel and surrounded by wood chips, alfalfa, and straw. Over the next several weeks, microbes created by these natural materials will accelerate the decomposition process and break down the body, resulting in nutrient-dense soil. There will then be a curing period of three to five weeks before the soil is returned to the family.

Is natural organic reduction more eco-friendly than other traditional options?

Research has found that natural organic reduction uses 87% less energy than traditional burial or cremation. Additionally, the soil created through the natural organic reduction process can nurture the ecosystem by filtering water, providing nutrients for plants, and releasing carbon in a way that is less harmful to the environment.

Can I have a funeral service with natural organic reduction?

Yes, you can have a service! There are several options, and the funeral home staff can review them with you. Most commonly, you can:

Have a service before the natural organic reduction process has begun,
Have a memorial service (no body present) at any time, or
Wait until the soil has been returned to you and host a scattering/tree planting service, memorial service, or whatever kind of gathering you prefer.

No matter what you choose, personalizing the final tribute is a meaningful way to celebrate and honor the essence of your loved one’s life and legacy.

Is there anyone who isn’t eligible for natural organic reduction?

Body size and weight do not matter, but there are a few things that will disqualify a person from being eligible for natural organic reduction.

The natural organic reduction process destroys most harmful pathogens. However, there are three rare diseases that disqualify a body: Ebola, prion diseases such as Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease, and active tuberculosis.
For patients who have received radiation seed implants, the seeds must be removed, and 30 days must pass before they are eligible for natural organic reduction.
Embalming disqualifies a body for natural organic reduction, so any bodies donated to science are ineligible. However, you can be an organ donor and still choose natural organic reduction.

What happens to bones, teeth, and implants during the process?

Bones and teeth: Because of their mineral composition, bones and teeth do not fully break down during the natural organic reduction process. However, once the soil is ready, the bones and teeth are removed and then ground into a fine powder. The bone powder (ashes) is then added back to soil and will further enrich its nutrient-density.

Implants, artificial limbs, and tooth fillings: Once the process is complete, the soil is screened for non-organics like implants, artificial limbs, and tooth fillings. When possible, these items are recycled.

Pacemakers: If a pacemaker is present, it will be removed before the natural organic reduction process begins.

How much soil does that natural organic reduction process create?

The amount of soil created really depends on the size of the person and how much plant material (wood chips, alfalfa, straw) was used during the natural organic reduction process. After choosing a service provider, you can ask how much soil their specific process creates.

What can you do with soil created by natural organic reduction?

Once the soil is returned to your family, you can use it to create a garden, plant a memorial tree, scatter it in a natural environment, or whatever else you’d prefer. You can place the soil on private property with permission from the owner. However, with public spaces or conservation areas, check local guidelines and ordinances first.

Alternatively, many service providers also partner with at least one non-profit land conservation organization. Rather than take the soil home, you can donate it to a land conservation project, and it will be used to restore forests and revitalize protected areas.

Can the soil be shipped?

Yes, shipping to most locations in the United States is available. However, due to the variety of regulations involved, international shipping is generally not available. To get specific information, speak with your chosen funeral home about shipping costs and regulations.

Can I have a grave marker if I choose natural organic reduction?

Typically, families choose to scatter or bury the soil, use it in gardening, or donate it to a conservation partner to help nourish the land. If you wish to commission a grave marker, you certainly can. However, keep in mind that there likely won’t be a traditional gravesite where you can place a grave marker. You will need to be creative with your placement or opt for a plaque or memorial stone instead.

How does the cost of natural organic reduction compare to other funeral options?

Pricing generally depends on the provider you use and the state you live in. However, many providers are actively keeping the cost comparable to burial and cremation.

Where is natural organic reduction legal?

As of February 2026, natural organic reduction is legal in 14 states: Arizona, California, Colorado, Delaware, Georgia, Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, Nevada, New Jersey, New York, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington. More states are likely to approve this final disposition option in the years to come, so speak with a trusted funeral professional if your state is not listed.

Can you preplan with natural organic reduction?

Absolutely! The only difference is that you should look for a funeral home that offers natural organic reduction as part of their service offerings. If you do that, then the funeral planning process will be seamless for you and your family.

Hopefully, you now feel more informed about natural organic reduction! If you’d like more information, reach out to a trusted local funeral home. Even if they don’t offer natural organic reduction themselves, they can point you in the right direction.