christy.kessler, Author at Funeral Basics

Oct 22

Uniformed military personnel resting hand on flag-draped casket

20 Ideas for Personalizing a Veteran’s Final Tribute

By christy.kessler Educational, Meaningful Funerals, Personalization, Veterans

Honoring a veteran’s life and service goes beyond commemorating their time in the military; it’s about acknowledging their personal sacrifices, valor, and the unique stories that shaped their lives. From their active-duty service days to their veteran years and family memories, a veteran’s life is made up of many different facets. Today, let’s talk about 20 ideas for how you can personalize a beloved veteran’s funeral. These will help you honor and celebrate their military service in a way that is tailored to their one-of-a-kind story.

20 Ideas for Personalizing a Veteran’s Final Tribute

1. Request military honors

One of the most recognized options for honoring a veteran is military honors. This ceremonial option commonly includes the folding and presentation of the flag, playing Taps, and a salute from uniformed personnel. It may also include other elements, but the details can be worked out with a funeral director.

2. Invite guests to attend in uniform

If you expect any current or former service members to attend the final tribute, invite them to wear their uniform. This simple act will be a visual reminder to everyone that your loved one proudly served in the Armed Forces.

3. Choose a venue with significance

If you’d like, you can highlight a veteran’s service by choosing a venue with military significance. For example, have the service in an old USO building or contact the local VFW or American Legion Post to see if they can host. Or, if you choose burial at a national cemetery, you could ask for additional military honors, such as uniformed pallbearers.

4. Incorporate personal keepsakes & memorabilia

Every veteran will have special items and keepsakes associated with their time in military service. You could display awards, medals, challenge coins, patches, or ribbons in a shadow box. Create a uniform display on a table or use a dressmaker’s mannequin. Or you could put together a memory table where photos and keepsakes are shown.

5. Prepare a personalized event program

It’s common practice to create a personalized event program, where the songs, speakers, and other events are clearly outlined for attendees. For a veteran, you could use a patriotic color theme, include photos, and list their rank, awards, and deployments. For the design, you can also add insignia, logos, or the American flag or eagle.

6. Ask fellow veterans to speak during the eulogy

If your veteran was still in touch with old buddies or was involved at the local VFW or American Legion, you could ask fellow veteran friends to speak at the eulogy. With their own history in military service, they may add a unique perspective and highlight your loved one’s time in the miliary.

7. Create a video montage of the veteran’s life

While a video tribute should include every aspect of a person’s life, you can add specific details to commemorate their time in the service. Include photos of the person in uniform or volunteering with local veteran organizations. If available, you could also include video footage of graduations, promotion ceremonies, and other significant military milestones.

8. Decorate with patriotic colors or floral arrangements

Personalization has become the new norm, which means you can decorate the funeral venue with a theme, if you wish. For a veteran, you could use red, white, and blue as the signature colors during the service. Alternatively, you could invite guests to wear these colors or place patriotic floral arrangements in prominent places throughout the venue.

9. Select customized funeral merchandise

The funeral home will offer many types of merchandise, from caskets and urns to guestbooks and memorial jewelry. If you’d like, you can choose items that align with a military theme. For example, select a guestbook or an urn inscribed with the American flag or other military imagery.

10. Design a personalized monument

If you’ve decided to honor a veteran with burial or inurnment at a local cemetery, you can work with a local monument company to design a personalized grave marker. As part of the design, you could include a military medallion, a photo, or the insignia for the veteran’s service branch or unit.

11. Give guests a remembrance token or keepsake

At some funerals, guests are invited to take home a remembrance token or a keepsake. For a veteran, you could design a custom patch or challenge coin. Alternatively, you could create a bookmark with their photo in uniform or give away miniature American flags or pins. There are many options to choose from!

12. Add a timeline of the veteran’s life

Many military families move around, so it’s possible that a veteran has lived in many unique places. To highlight those cities and/or countries, you could add a timeline of the veteran’s life or display a map with pins added for each place they lived. Another option is creating collages or shadow boxes for each location with photos and mementos.

13. Encourage donations to support veteran organizations

For families who prefer not to receive flowers, you could instead encourage guests to give memorial donations to organizations that aid veterans and their families. You could look into local non-profits or direct people to national options, like Wreaths Across America or the Wounded Warrior Project.

14. Play ceremonial and patriotic music

In addition to national songs like “America the Beautiful” and the “Star-Spangled Banner,” every service branch has their own anthem, hymns, and related melodies. For example, the U.S. Navy is closely tied to the famous march “Anchors Aweigh” and the hymn “Eternal Father, Strong to Save.” With a quick online search, you can find the songs most beloved by your veteran’s service branch.

15. Sing patriotic songs together

Hearing many voices raised in song can be a powerful experience. To encourage participation and honor a veteran’s military service, you can invite guests to sing the “Star-Spangled Banner” together. Or you can select another patriotic song that may have special significance to the family or to the person who has died.

16. Arrange for a military band to perform

Another musical option is to arrange for a military band to perform during the service. You could request that they play ceremonial marches, Taps, Amazing Grace, a particular branch’s anthem, or you could leave it up to the band to choose. And if an official military band is not available, perhaps a local one would be willing to step in to perform.

17. Invite comrades-in-arms to participate

If the veteran was in touch with former comrades-in-arms, consider giving them time to share memories and express their respect. By including comrades’ stories, you not only highlight the veteran’s service, but you also create an incredibly moving moment and reinforce the power and camaraderie of bonds formed during service.

18. Read a history of the service branch

For those who are less familiar with the service branches, you could incorporate a short history of the veteran’s chosen branch. You could add the history to the printed program or include a reading on the subject. This practice could be a great way to help others appreciate the history and respect associated with the veteran’s service and dedication.

19. Include patriotic readings

Finally, you could include meaningful poems or quotes that will add an emotional and reflective element to the program. A few popular options to consider are:

“Bivouac of the Dead” by Theodore O’Hara
“The Ultimate Sacrifice” by Kelly Roper
“A Nation’s Strength” by Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Star-Spangled Banner” by Francis Scott Key

20. Customize the funeral procession

If escorting a veteran to their final resting place is planned, you could add a few unique elements to the funeral procession. Provide each car with a small American flag that will rest in a rolled-up window and wave during the drive. Add patriotic streamers to the funeral hearse or ask people to listen to a provided playlist on the drive to the cemetery.

As you can see, there are so many ways to personalize a veteran’s final tribute that pay homage to their commitment and dedication during their time of military service. And if you want to brainstorm other ideas, your funeral director can help!

Don’t Forget to Take Advantage of VA Veteran Burial Benefits

As you plan a beloved veteran’s final goodbye, don’t forget to request all the burial benefits they are eligible to receive. Depending on eligibility, the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs may provide burial allowances, a government-issued headstone or grave marker, burial in a national cemetery, and more. Talk with a funeral director or visit www.va.gov/burials-memorials to look into the details. Additionally, you can browse the resources below for more information.

Oct 15

Love0

Succulent plant next to two blocks that read "Build Resilience"

5 Ways Gratitude Builds Resilience After Loss

By christy.kessler Educational, Grief/Loss

Love brings great joy into our lives, and because of how deeply we love, it can also bring our greatest sadness. After losing a loved one, you may feel lost, adrift, and unsure how to face the future. Thankfully, there are real, practical habits you can use to help you heal. One of those habits is participating in daily gratitude. Research shows that gratitude can help you build resilience, and resilience after loss is essential to moving forward in a healthy and beneficial way.

What is Resilience?

Resilience is your ability to adapt to a stressful situation. Being resilient doesn’t mean you don’t experience pain; it means that you can adapt and cope with the ups and downs of life. Many psychologists believe resilience is comprised of several qualities, including honesty, humility, optimism, empathy, and patience. Each of these traits can help you combat stress, cope with adversity, and bounce back stronger.

How Does Gratitude Build Resilience?

Research shows that gratitude bolsters our emotional resilience by motivating us to focus on the positive things in life. By intentionally looking at the good things, many people find it easier to balance the difficult things. Grief can make you turn inward, and expressing gratitude forces you to get out of your head and focus on the positive happening around you.

Here are 5 ways gratitude builds resilience:

1. Encourages Positive Reframing

Small yellow blocks that show moving from sad to happy

Practicing gratitude is not about minimizing or ignoring the grief you feel. Instead, it’s about reframing your perspective. By taking time each day to identify something positive, you broaden your point of view. Yes, grief is hard, but good still exists. You have lost someone you love, which is devastating and life-altering, but what good things still exist to anchor you? Think about your family, your pets, your friends, your passions, your hobbies, or your volunteer projects. By taking the bad with the good, you can reframe your perspective and build your resilience.

2. Reduces Stress and Anxiety

Young woman in yellow beanie hat and sweater standing calming and peacefully

Grief can bring every kind of emotion – sadness, anger, regret, and even guilt. Each person experiences a loss differently, and sometimes, it can feel very negative. Naturally, difficult emotions aren’t easy, and they may spark feelings of stress and anxiety. But practicing gratitude can help! By taking time to appreciate the good things in your life, you can redirect your thoughts and create a greater sense of peace and calm. And of course, this more relaxed mindset will lead to less stress and anxiety.

3. Improves Mental Health

Mature woman looking serenely out the window of her home

Research shows that giving or receiving gratitude releases dopamine and serotonin, both of which are considered the brain’s “feel-good” chemicals. These positive feelings decrease stress, depression, and anxiety while increasing happiness, calm, and contentment. By practicing gratitude daily, you can strengthen your resilience and positively impact your mental health.

4. Promotes Physical Health

Man and woman exercising outside

For some people, grief brings negative thoughts and emotional turmoil, which, in turn, can affect sleep. By improving your mental health through practicing gratitude, you can improve your sleep. Plus, grateful people are more likely to engage in other positive behaviors, such as regular exercise, eating well, and attending regular medical check-ups. All of these elements come together to create higher resilience and a better you.

5. Enhances Social Connections

Friends sitting together in a home, talking and laughing together

Everyone needs to feel appreciated and seen. By spending time with friends and family and telling them what you appreciate about them, you create an extensive support network. While having people by your side is important in the happy times, it can be even more valuable in the difficult times. When you create positive relationships around you, people tend to reciprocate, creating a cycle of kindness and support. This support is essential to building resilience because you aren’t meant to do life alone. You need loving, supportive people around you.

How Do I Create a Gratitude Habit?

There are so many ways to implement consistent gratitude practices into your life. You can choose what best fits your personality and needs. It doesn’t have to be time-consuming or complicated. It simply needs to be effective, so try out a few ideas to see what works best for you.

Start a Gratitude Journal: With just a few minutes a day, you can start expressing gratitude. Write down three things you’re grateful for and make sure to write something different each day.
Write Gratitude Letters: If there are particular people you’d like to thank, sit down and write them a letter expressing your appreciation. This small act will boost your mood and make the recipient feel valued.
Use an App: There are a lot of great phone apps out there to encourage daily gratitude. Find one that looks good to you and get started right away!
Practice Mindful Gratitude: When you start to feel overwhelmed, take a moment to pause and take a deep breath. Focus on something or someone you’re grateful for. This practice will help you calm your thoughts and bring you back to the present.
Add Gratitude to Your Conversations: Another option is to intentionally add gratitude to your conversations with other people. Whether it’s a family member, coworker, or even a total stranger, telling someone you’re grateful for even the smallest act can strengthen relationships and spread positivity.
Take Gratitude Walks: Being out in nature has a calming and clarifying effect. A few times a week (or more often, if you prefer), go outside to enjoy the sky, the season, and the life around you. As you go, make note of the things you’re grateful for.

Don’t Forget to Pay Attention to Your Own Needs

The more you practice gratitude, the easier it will become. Think about what makes you happy. What nice thing have you done for someone today? And what nice thing has someone done for you? As you cultivate an attitude of gratitude, your resilience will increase. While the difficult will still be difficult, you will have the ability to counteract it with the positive. And that is the definition of resilience.

If you continue to struggle with loss, depression, guilt, heartbreak, or another consuming emotion, don’t be discouraged. Consider speaking with a grief counselor or a mental health professional. While practicing gratitude is incredibly impactful, you may need to pair it with other coping mechanisms. Pay attention to yourself and your needs. Get additional help. In time, your resilience will grow, and your grief will become less sharp. You will always miss the person you’ve lost, but it is possible to see your life transform into something different that’s still good.

Oct 10

Love0

Man and woman looking at computer and reviewing policies

Life Insurance and Funeral Expenses: What You Need to Know

By christy.kessler Estate Planning, Plan Ahead

Many families plan to pay for a funeral with life insurance benefits. Sounds like a simple plan, doesn’t it? The truth is, there can be many unexpected complications with life insurance policies. Let’s talk about it.

What Could Go Wrong with a Life Insurance Policy?

If you are thinking about using a life insurance policy to pay for a funeral, it’s important to understand what factors could complicate the process. Here are a few things (though the list is not comprehensive) that could prevent or delay you or your family from accessing life insurance funds in time to pay for a funeral:

The policy is no longer valid (for various reasons) and has now lapsed
The beneficiaries named are no longer living (and new ones must be determined, possibly by state law)
The policy may have a lien on it
The date of death or cause of death could limit the payout
An ex-spouse or a minor was named as a beneficiary
The funds are insufficient to cover all end-of-life expenses
The policy isn’t assignable (more on this later)

Any of these “red flags” could prevent you from using an insurance policy for funeral expenses. But even if the policy is problem free, it may take 6 to 8 weeks to receive payment. In most cases, that’s long after the funeral has taken place.

Does the Life Insurance Policy Sufficiently Cover All End-of-Life Expenses?

If you are thinking about using a life insurance policy to pay for funeral expenses, another question to consider is, “Did the policyholder opt for an insured amount that would be enough to cover all end-of-life expenses as well as replace income?” In other words, is there enough money to cover all expenses AND help the surviving family?

Aside from funeral expenses, there will be many things to pay for after a loved one’s passing. Were there any credit card or medical bills, mortgages, or vehicle notes to pay off? Has the family lost a primary income and the life insurance money can help them stay afloat until that income can be replaced?

If these additional expenses weren’t considered when the policy was taken out, the family may have a hard time covering all the potential costs.

What Can You Do to Avoid Life Insurance Complications?

Here are a few solutions that may help you avoid future complications with life insurance at the time of death:

Review and Update Insurance Policies Regularly

If you plan to use life insurance benefits to cover funeral costs, check the policy to make sure it is still valid and update it as your life changes. If you have any questions, an elder law attorney can help you identify any concerns in your policies and assist you in correcting them. Or, if you are already in the midst of planning a funeral for a loved one, the funeral home can help, though the life insurance company will have more specific answers about the policy.

Make Sure the Policy is Assignable

To make it easier to use a life insurance policy for funeral expenses, make sure that the policy is designated as “assignable.” This means that you can sign the benefits over to a third party who will file the claim on your behalf (usually the funeral home or an assignment company). The type of policy you signed up for and the life insurance company determine whether a policy is assignable.

Funeral homes generally accept a life insurance policy in lieu of payment for a funeral, though it’s best not to assume that they will. Remember, if they do accept a policy as payment, it must be assignable. If the policy is not assignable, it’s unlikely a family can use life insurance to cover funeral costs because it can take 6 to 8 weeks to process a claim. By that time, most funeral services are already complete.

Resolve Any Issues Before Death Occurs

It can be difficult and complicated to deal with a loved one’s financial assets after their passing. If there is no legally stated heir, the courts will likely probate the estate. When an estate is probated, it means that the court system must approve the validity of a last will and testament and confirm the appointment of an executor. This court procedure can sometimes be lengthy and incur additional costs. It’s much easier for heirs to inherit if there’s a legal will and up-to-date beneficiary information on any insurance policies.

Consider Preplanning Your Funeral

Another way you can help your loved ones is by planning the details of your funeral in advance. When family members are grieving, it can be hard to make decisions. Sometimes there is a tendency to overspend because people want “only the best” for Mom or Dad. But if the family knows your specific wishes, they can hone in on those and potentially save hundreds or even thousands of dollars, which means there will be more life insurance funds leftover to pay for other expenses.

To take it one step further, you can set up a prepaid funeral plan. Essentially, this is a funeral insurance policy, intended to pay for funeral expenses specifically. A funeral insurance policy offers several surprising benefits above and beyond what a life insurance policy can do. Plus, with a funeral insurance policy, you can protect life insurance funds for their true intention – helping the grieving family financially after the loss of a loved one.

To learn more about the benefits of a prepaid funeral plan, check out the chart below.

Next Steps

Some funeral homes offer payment options, but it’s always ideal to determine your plan before tragedy strikes. With a plan in place, you can alleviate the financial stress your loved ones may feel on one of the hardest days of their lives.

Whether you choose to use a life insurance policy or a funeral insurance policy, do a little research. With information in hand, you can do what’s best for your family. Also, remember that a trusted funeral director is a great resource! They’ve seen families use life insurance polices and funeral insurance policies to pay for funeral expenses and can provide expert insight into the pros and possible cons of each.

Oct 03

Love0

Top 12 Country Songs for a Celebration of Life Service

By christy.kessler Meaningful Funerals, Music, Personalization

Cowboy boots with hat in foreground with guitar in background

“A good country music song takes a page out of somebody’s life and puts music to it.” – Conway Twitty

Music is a window to the soul and takes us to a place mere words never can. After all, we all know a song that particularly touched the heart and brought tears to the eyes or joy to the spirit. For countless people around the world, country music is a big part of their everyday life. For that reason, we have put together these top 12 country songs for a celebration of life. Whether you need a grief playlist or are planning a funeral and need inspiration, this list is worth checking out.

12. I Hope You Dance (Lee Ann Womack)

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
I hope you dance

Over time, this beloved tune became Lee Ann Womack’s signature song. It won the Country Music Association’s and Academy of Country Music’s awards for Song of the Year as well as a Grammy Award for Best Country Song of the Year. The song calls us to be active in the stories of our lives and to take the opportunities before us to find hope and new life.

11. Live Like You Were Dying (Tim McGraw)

I spoke sweeter and I gave forgiveness I’d been denyin’
And he said someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin’

Released in August 2004, this song went on to be the 2005 Grammy Award winner for Best Country Male Vocal Performance and the Best Country Vocal Performance. The original music video prominently featured McGraw’s relationship with his father, who had died of brain cancer. No matter whether you are grieving, planning a funeral, or both, this song is worth a listen.

10. Temporary Home (Carrie Underwood)

This was just a stop on the way to where I’m going
I’m not afraid because I know
This was my temporary home

This lovely ballad was co-written by Carrie Underwood and inspired by her belief that Earth is our temporary home. One day, heaven awaits those who truly believe in God. This song is beautiful in its melody and message. As you make musical selections for a funeral, choose songs like this that bring hope and invite others to express their grief.

9. If I Had Only Known (Reba McEntire)

So unaware I foolishly believed
That you would always be there
But then there came a day
And I turned my head and you slipped away

In this powerful song, the longing in the singer’s voice draws the listener in as Reba reflects on all the things she would have done or said if only she’d known what was coming. Even if death is not a surprise to us, we may still feel a sense of shock or disbelief when it occurs. Perhaps, we even wish we’d done some things differently. This song perfectly illustrates our natural desire to turn back time and say things unsaid or do things undone.

8. There’ll be You (Faith Hill)

In my heart
There will always be a place for you for all my life
I’ll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am, there you’ll be

Nominated for both an Academy Award and a Golden Globe Award for Best Original Song, this hit song dips and soars, inviting us to join in the emotional journey. Faith Hill’s melodic tones perfectly express the deep feelings of gratitude we have toward those who give us strength, steadfastness, and love throughout our lives. The words “I’ll keep a part of you with me” are perfect for those who are mourning, as we will always carry the memory of a lost loved one within us.

7. Just a Closer Walk With Thee (Patsy Cline)

When my feeble life is o’er
Time for me will be no more
Guide me gently, safely o’er
To Thy Kingdom’s shore, to Thy shore

A beloved hymn with a long history, this Patsy Cline recording of “Just a Closer Walk With Thee” is beautiful and touching. The song is a statement and a prayer. It calls the listener to trust in God during times of grief and struggle. Though we may not understand why a death has occurred, this song gives hope that God is with us. Patsy Cline’s rendition is dear to the hearts of many, and it provides an avenue for us to express our emotions.

6. Angels Among Us (Alabama)

Oh, I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above

If you are familiar with country music, you’ve likely heard of the band Alabama. They became known for their unique blend of country music and southern rock with elements of gospel and pop. To date, they are the most awarded band in country music history. This 1993 hit song is exceptionally versatile and beautifully portrays the goodness in people and how every person is an angel in disguise to someone around them. If your loved one was an angel in your life, then this soulful tune may be a fitting addition to their final goodbye.

5. Go Rest High on That Mountain (Vince Gill)

Oh, how we cried the day you left us
We gathered round your grave to grieve

Inspirational and emotional, this Grammy Award-winning song was originally written as a tribute to Vince Gill’s brother, who passed away from a heart attack. Vince Gill would later state, “All I wanted to do was grieve for him and celebrate his life.” The song talks about the pain we feel when we lose someone we love. But it also couples that pain with hope, reflecting on the joy that comes from being with God.

4. The Dance (Garth Brooks)

Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I’d have had to miss the dance

Well known in country music circles, “The Dance” is one of the most beloved country songs. The song is soft and poignant throughout, beginning with a beautiful piano introduction. The lyrics are simple but relatable, exploring the relationship between pain and risk. When we love people, we are taking a risk because one day we will lose them. But even when we lose someone we love, we’ve gained the dance of life and many beautiful memories.

3. Daddy’s Hands (Holly Dunn)

If I could do things over, I’d live my life again
and never take for granted the love in daddy’s hands

Written as a Father’s Day gift, “Daddy’s Hands” became Holly Dunn’s breakout song and signature hit. The lyrics are sweet and simple, beautifully portraying the love between a father and his child. With its open lyrics, either a son or daughter could use the song as the perfect tribute. If you are looking to highlight a father’s loving relationship with his children, then this melody may be the perfect fit for the service.

2. One More Day (Diamond Rio)

I didn’t ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu
I simply asked for one more day with you

Following several tragic events that occurred in 2001 – namely 9/11, the Oklahoma State plane crash, and the death of Dale Earnhardt – “One More Day” became a song of mourning and healing. Diamond Rio drummer Brian Prout said the song was very special. He knew that the song had an “impact on someone’s life and helped in a tough time of healing and hope.” The desire for more time with our lost loved ones is universal. This song helps us touch on those emotions and express them in a healthy way.

1. When I Get Where I’m Going (Brad Paisley, featuring Dolly Parton)

But when I get where I’m going
And I see my maker’s face
I’ll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace

Featuring the vocal harmony of Dolly Parton, this inspirational song carries a two-fold focus. In part, the lyrics paint a picture of wonder and joy awaiting those who have left this earth and an exhortation to those still alive that they should rejoice that their loved one is in heaven. But on the other hand, the song acknowledges the pain of missing those we love deeply. Bittersweet and beautiful, this song is well worth considering for a meaningful celebration of life.

More Musical Selections to Consider

If you are interested in learning more about meaningful music, check out the articles below.

Setting the Tone for a Service: A Collection of Funeral Songs
How to Personalize Music at a Funeral
Why Include Special Music in a Funeral Ceremony?

Sep 10

Love0

Four children sitting at a table working on fall crafts

10 Fall Remembrance Crafts for Grieving Kids

By christy.kessler Children, Grief/Loss

When grief comes, it touches every member of the family, children included. And in some ways, children may have a harder time because they haven’t yet learned how to identify their emotions accurately. That’s why they need caring adults around to help them grieve and work through their emotions. If there’s a grieving child in your life this fall, consider using these remembrance crafts to help them talk through their feelings.

1. Memory Box

First, you might consider putting together a memory box. The child can interact with the items regularly and keep the person’s memory alive. You could include clothing, jewelry, photos, or cherished items like a favorite trinket or even a blanket or stuffed animal.

Also, ask the child if there’s anything they’d like to include in the box. They may associate special memories with a certain item that will bring them comfort in the days ahead. And if you’d like to add a creative element, decorate the outside of the box with fall leaves, pumpkins, or other décor that adds a personal touch.

2. Memory Mailbox

With this craft, you create an opportunity for a grieving child to share feelings, ask questions, and write down memories. Get a cardboard box, cereal box, or some other box-type item and decorate the outside. You can use a fall theme (like this turkey box), or you can decorate however you choose.

Once the box is ready, encourage the child to write down questions or their feelings on pieces of paper. It could be as simple as “I miss Gigi” or “Where did Mommy go?” They could also write down their favorite memories or draw pictures. Then, as new pieces of paper are added to the mailbox, choose a time to talk together about these feelings and questions. This practice will give you an opportunity to talk, hear your child’s concerns, and care for their emotions. You could chat every day or once a week – whatever works best for your family.

3. Gratitude Pumpkin

While it may be difficult at first, focusing on gratitude after a loss can help you grieve. The practice of gratitude takes your eyes off the pain and helps you see the good in life. To help a child build resilience after loss, help them look for the good with a gratitude pumpkin.

Either cut out a large pumpkin or many small pumpkins. Then, encourage the child to write down things they are grateful for or miss about the person who has died directly on the pumpkin. If you make many small pumpkins, your child could write a single thought on each one. On the other hand, if you opt for a large pumpkin, they can write many different ideas on it. Either option will work well; simply choose the one you prefer. This intentional gratitude activity will help the child process what they’re feeling while also learning coping tips for how to deal with grief in the future.

4. The Grieving Tree

With this meaningful activity, your child can identify the things they have lost when a loved one died and the things that are still growing. On each leaf-laden branch of the grieving tree, you write seven things that are still growing despite the loved one’s passing. For example, “I trust in your love for me.” And on the ground next to the tree, list five things that have been lost, such as “hugging you” or “singing together.”

With this practice, both you and your child can sit in the loss for a time. While it’s hard to simply be still in the pain, it’s necessary for the healing process. By naming what is still growing and what is lost, you can take thoughts or feelings that seem ever-present and put them into words. For a full list of materials you’ll need, click here.

5. Bracelet or Necklace

Kids often love to create bracelets or necklaces with multi-colored beads. Take that natural interest and turn it into a remembrance craft.

The first step is to get string (or elastic) and a lot of beads. You could get many different colors, sparkling or matte, standard circular or specific shapes like pumpkins, flowers, or hearts. Also, get beads with letters on them. That way, when the grieving child creates the piece of jewelry, they can include the lost loved one’s name or a special message.

Once it’s complete, let the child wear the jewelry as often as they want. Some children may choose to wear it often, while others may place the bracelet/necklace on a favorite stuffed animal or even put it in a memory box.

6. Pumpkin Stress Ball

Some kids are more prone to stress and anxiety than others, especially following a significant loss. They may feel like their ordered world is turned upside down or afraid that something may happen to the other people in their life.

If you have a stressed child in your home, consider creating a pumpkin stress ball. Get some orange balloons and fill them with rice. Once you tie off the balloon, use a black Sharpie to draw silly Jack O’Lantern faces on it. Then, when the child is feeling stressed or anxious, they can give the balloon a squeeze.

7. Photo Frame

Another craft you can introduce is decorating a photo frame. Buy an unadorned frame, pull out the glue gun, and sit down with the grieving child to create a lovely home for a favorite photo. You could use artificial flowers or leaves, buttons, beads, or whatever you want. Depending on the child’s age, it might be best for the adult to handle the glue gun, but under the child’s creative direction, of course.

Once the frame is complete, add a photo and place the frame in a place where the child can see and interact with it regularly. The creative action of decorating the frame is healing but having the photo nearby will keep the process going.

8. Drawing

Perhaps the simplest craft is to allow kids to draw whatever is on their minds. All you have to do is provide all the appropriate materials: construction paper, white paper, pens, pencils, markers, etc. Then, give the grieving child a prompt, like “Let’s draw a picture of your favorite thing about Grandpa.” After that, the child’s creativity will take over.

You can join the child and make your own picture, talking together and each sharing special memories. Speaking about the person who has died will help the child understand that it’s okay to talk about the person (it’s not taboo), and it will give you an opportunity to share your own memories and grief. Children learn by example, so seeing you talk about your feelings will teach them to talk about theirs.

9. Flower Bouquet

Another craft to consider is creating a flower bouquet. You can go to the store to purchase artificial flowers and then work with the child to create a unique arrangement. Once the bouquet is complete, go to the graveside together and leave the flowers at your loved one’s final resting place.

Also, you can create a floral arrangement for every season. For fall, you might choose to focus on poinsettias, black-eyed susans, or other flowers that are in shades of yellow, orange, or cream that align with the season. You can even add a few tiny pumpkins or Halloween embellishments. Let the grieving child use their imagination to create something beautiful.

10. Journal

And lastly, for some children, expression through words is powerful. By creating a journal, you can bring together two kinds of creative expression: art and words. Encourage the child to write or draw in it as often they want. And if they need a new journal at some point, you can make another one together.

You can make this craft as simple or complex as you wish. For something simple, pull out two sturdy pieces of paper (construction paper or cardstock possibly) to act as the front and back cover. You could use orange paper for a fall twist! Ask the child to decorate both pages with pens, markers, paints – whatever they want. Then, get a stack of wide-ruled paper to act as the interior pages. Staple is all together, and voila! You have a homemade journal.

Many of these crafts can be used any time of year, but with a few tiny adjustments, you can tailor them to fit the season you’re in. With fall, steer toward yellows and oranges or pumpkins and corn. But no matter when you choose to implement these craft ideas, they can be an outlet that brings hope, healing, and remembrance.

Jul 14

Love0

Man placing white rose reverently on top of casket

A Quick Guide to Planning a Funeral

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Planning Tools

Before we start, if you have recently lost a loved one, you have our sincerest sympathies. It is our hope that this quick guide to planning a funeral will help you navigate through the complex process of planning a funeral for a loved one. You will find accurate, up-to-date, and helpful links and information on a variety of topics. Let’s get started!

The “Why” of Funerals

To start off, it’s important to note that in today’s world many people miss out on the purpose and value of a funeral. But saying goodbye in a meaningful way is just as important today as it was thousands of years ago. Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected grief expert who has counseled thousands of families, teaches that the funeral is an important rite of passage and “puts you on the path to good grief and healthy mourning.” To learn more about why funerals are important, take a look at the articles below.

Do Funerals Still Matter?

Why Does the Funeral Matter?

Should a Funeral Be Efficient or Effective?

The 6 Purposes of a Funeral

Final Disposition Options

Nowadays, your options for final disposition (or a final resting place) continue to expand. Please take a moment to read the articles below to help you decide which option is most appropriate for your needs.

Burial FAQs: What Are Your Burial Options?

Answering Your Green Burial Questions

5 Questions to Ask When Selecting a Casket

What Should I Know When Considering Cremation?

Urn Burial: Understanding the Basics

The Elements of a Meaningful Funeral Service

“People who take the time and make the effort to create meaningful funeral arrangements when someone loved dies often end up making new arrangements in their own lives. They remember and reconnect with what is most meaningful to them in life…strengthen bonds with family members and friends. They emerge changed, more authentic and purposeful. The best funerals remind us how we should live.” – Dr. Alan Wolfelt

In order for a funeral service to be a healing and meaningful experience, there are several tried and true elements that you should consider incorporating.

Element #1: Music

Let’s discuss music. It sets the mood for a funeral and brings emotions to the forefront. In fact, one of the purposes of a funeral is to allow mourners to grieve together, and in many ways, music says what words cannot. Don’t be afraid to invite people to express grief. Consider using music that was significant to the lost loved one. What was their favorite genre of music? Did they have a favorite artist or song?

Why Include Special Music in a Funeral Ceremony?

How to Personalize Music at a Funeral

Setting the Tone for a Service: A Collection of Funeral Songs

Element #2: Readings

Readings add another facet to a meaningful funeral. They are a way to not only invite mourners to express their emotions, but readings can bring to life the unique spirit of the one who has died. Did they have a favorite book? Poem? Were they a person of faith who would want passages read?

How do Readings Enhance the Funeral Experience?

How to Personalize Readings at a Funeral

10 Literary Readings for Any Type of Funeral

Top 10 Poems for a Funeral Ceremony

Top 10 Bible Verses for a Celebration of Life Service

Element #3: Viewing/Visitation

The viewing or visitation is a time for family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors to gather and express support and sympathy. The viewing is an opportunity for mourners to see the special person one last time and begin to acknowledge the reality of the death. For many, it is important to physically see the body, and the viewing offers this opportunity. A visitation, which can be paired with a viewing, provides mourners with an opportunity to offer their support and condolences to the grieving family.

Viewing vs. Visitation: What’s the Difference?

How to Personalize the Visitation at a Funeral

3 Reasons to Have a Visitation

Element #4: Eulogy/Remembrance

Fourth, the eulogy may be the single most important aspect of a funeral service. It is the time to acknowledge and affirm the significance of the life lived. With that in mind, take time to share treasured memories, quotes, or even the lost loved one’s favorite jokes. The eulogy, sometimes called the “remembrance” or the “homily,” can be delivered by a clergy person, a family member, or even by a series of people.

8 Tips for Crafting a Eulogy

How to Personalize the Eulogy at a Funeral

11 Mistakes to Avoid When Writing a Eulogy

5 Steps for Writing a Personalized Eulogy with AI

Element #5: Symbols

Symbols, or symbolic acts, offer a focus point for the bereaved as well as a sense of comfort. Common symbols are a cross (or another appropriate religious symbol), flowers, and candles. For example, the act of lighting a candle, planting a memorial tree, and wearing dark clothing are all symbols we utilize.

The Importance of Symbols

How to Personalize Symbols at a Funeral

Element #6: Gathering

The gathering is an opportunity for friends and family to come together after the funeral service to share stories and to support each other. For more benefits of a gathering, take a few moments to read the article below.

What is the Purpose of a Gathering?

How to Personalize the Gathering at a Funeral

Element #7: Actions

By inviting others into action at the funeral service, you engage mourners and invite them to put their grief into motion. Simply put, mourning is the outward expression of our inward grief, so to move others toward healing, it is important to invite them to act.

How Do Actions Help us Heal?

5 Meaningful Actions to Personalize a Funeral

How to Personalize Healing Actions at a Funeral

Choosing a Memorial Service

Some families decide that a memorial service is a more appropriate tribute for their lost loved one. In short, the main difference between a funeral service and a memorial service is the absence of the body. All the other elements of a meaningful and healing service can be incorporated into a memorial service.

7 Tips for Planning a Memorial Service

What’s the Difference Between a Funeral and Memorial Service?

Personalization is Key

Whether you have a funeral service or a memorial service, the event will be more meaningful if it is personalized. By personalizing the service, you honor the unique life of your lost loved one. Moreover, the possibilities for personalization are endless. For a few ideas, read the articles below.

10 Ideas for Making a Funeral More Personal

Practical Ways to Personalize the 7 Elements of a Funeral

How to Personalize the Location of a Funeral

6 Ways to Personalize a Casket

Using Color to Personalize a Service

10 Ways to Use Photos to Personalize a Service

Funeral Procession

Accompanying the body to its final resting place is a time-honored tradition. If your family chooses to continue the tradition, the procession is a way for family, friends, and people in the community driving along the road to acknowledge the value of life and show respect for the one who has died.

What is the Purpose of a Funeral Procession?

Deciding on a Grave Marker

Placing a marker of some kind on a final resting place is important. Not only does it identify the person laid to rest, but it also gives the living a place to go should they desire to visit or mourn the lost loved one.

Quick Guide: Selecting and Installing a Grave Marker

What Should I Write on a Headstone?

6 Ways to Personalize a Memorial Marker

Sympathy Gifts

Sympathy gifts are a thoughtful way for mourners to express their support and condolences to the family of the lost loved one. Flowers have historically been a popular sympathy gift as have meal trains. However, in recent years, donations in memoriam to a favorite charity have risen in popularity.

10 Caring and Creative Sympathy Gifts

Sympathy Gifts You Can Mail

Funeral Etiquette: “In Lieu of Flowers” and Donations

Meal Train Etiquette: Tips for Bringing Food to the Grieving

Writing a Touching Obituary

One of the first things you will do after a loved one dies is write an obituary. You don’t have to be a great writer to beautifully express your love for someone you have lost. To that end, even as you include the expected details, consider how you might add little touches that reflect the individuality of the life lived.

How to Write a Great Obituary

5 Practical Obituary Writing Tips

Writing an Obituary with AI: Dos and Don’ts

Burial Benefits for Veterans

If your lost loved one is a veteran of the Armed Forces, he/she may be eligible for certain burial benefits through the Department of Veterans Affairs. Therefore, you might consider looking into these benefits to see if any of them are beneficial to you and your family.

5 Key Veteran Burial Benefits You Should Know

Top 4 Misunderstandings Around Veterans’ Burial Benefits

Veterans’ Burial Benefits Checklist

Resources for Advance Funeral Planning

Finally, if you are interested in making your own funeral prearrangement plan in advance, or are curious about why you should do so, take a moment to review the articles below.

What to Expect at a Preplanning Appointment

6 Ways You Can Save Money with Funeral Preplanning & Prefunding

How to Get Started with Funeral Preplanning

5 Emotional Benefits to Funeral Preplanning

How Preplanning Eases Emotional, Financial & Legal Burdens After a Death

Hopefully you have found all the information you need in this guide to planning a funeral. If you have additional questions, reach out to your preferred funeral home and speak with a funeral director. They can ensure that your questions and concerns are addressed quickly and accurately.

Jul 12

Love0

Wooden urn with cross on top, surrounded by purple flowers

Water-Based & Flame-Based Cremation: What’s the Difference?

By christy.kessler Cremation, Explore Options, Plan Ahead

For decades, flame-based cremation has been the norm across the country, but in recent years, a new form of cremation has begun to spread – water-based cremation. With this new option, you may have questions. How does water-based cremation work? How is it different from flame-based cremation? Is there a cost difference? What about the environmental impact? Today, let’s discuss the key differences between these two forms of cremation so you feel better prepared to make decisions when the time comes.

Let’s Define Both Forms of Cremation

In general, cremation is the process of breaking down the soft tissue of the body, leaving behind only the skeleton. This remaining bone is then processed through specialized equipment that creates a fine consistency commonly called “ashes” (or “cremains”). Regardless of which form of cremation is chosen, the end result is that a loved one’s ashes will be returned to the family with respect and dignity.

Flame-Based Cremation

Also called “fire cremation,” “traditional cremation,” or just “cremation,” flame-based cremation uses heat and direct flame to reduce the body to ashes. The body is placed in a cremation retort where natural gases, such as propane or butane, are used to burn the body for approximately 2-4 hours.

Temperatures often reach 1,400-1,800 degrees Fahrenheit, and the crematory operator may use a long shovel to reposition the body throughout the cremation process. This repositioning ensures that the body reduces more quickly.

Once the cremation process is complete, the remaining bone is removed from the cremation retort and processed into ashes using a cremulator. The ashes are then returned to the family, who can have a memorial service, place the ashes in a final resting place, or take them home.

Water-Based Cremation

Water-based cremation also goes by other names, such as “water cremation,” “aquamation,” “alkaline hydrolysis,” or “bio-cremation.” Water cremation uses a combination of water and alkali salts in conjunction with low heat to reduce the human body to bone.

To begin, the body is placed in a completely sealed chamber. Then, approximately 27 gallons (100 liters) of water and a small amount of alkaline chemicals are used to fill the chamber. Once filled, the chamber is gently heated (200-350 degrees Fahrenheit) and agitated to encourage decomposition. Over the next 4-16 hours, the soft tissue of the body is dissolved and all that remains is bone. (The range of 4-16 hours depends on the temperature and pressure used by the crematory operator.)

As with flame-based cremation, the bones are then finely processed into ashes and returned to the family. The remaining liquid byproduct is sterile, so it can be discarded easily and safely.

Next, Let’s Talk about Environmental Impact

As with any form of final disposition (burial, water cremation, fire cremation, burial at sea, etc.), there’s going to be some form of impact on the environment.

Flame-Based Cremation & the Environment

Between the two, flame-based cremation does impact the environment more. The use of larger amounts of propane/butane to achieve high heat releases carbon dioxide into the environment. Also, other pollutants, like the mercury from dental fillings, can contaminate the air. While newer technologies and facilities have been put in place to capture and filter out mercury, it’s still possible that emissions will occur.

One way to reduce the emissions released by flame-based cremation is to use an alternative container (made of cardboard) instead of a casket during the cremation process. It takes more energy and fuel to burn the casket in comparison to an alternative container. To learn more about cremation caskets, read “A Quick Guide to Cremation Caskets.”

Water-Based Cremation & the Environment

With water-based cremation, greenhouse gases are still released into the environment, but on a smaller scale. By using less energy and lower temperatures, water cremation produces fewer of these types of emissions. Additionally, there’s no risk that pollutants will be released into the atmosphere. For example, the alkaline mixture effectively neutralizes and captures any mercury present in the body. Also, medical implants can be recycled, when possible.

Now that you have a better understanding of each cremation process and its individual impact on the environment, let’s talk through several other differences.

Is there a Cost Difference?

Yes, there is a cost difference. At this time, fire cremation is generally more affordable because many funeral homes already have access to the equipment and infrastructure needed. Because water-based cremation takes longer and requires equipment that may not be readily available in your area, it typically costs more.

In the coming years, as water cremation becomes more accessible, the cost may align more closely with flame cremation. If you are interested in water cremation, speak with your preferred funeral home. You can compare the costs of the two types before choosing how you’d like to proceed.

What Alkaline Chemicals are Used in Water Cremation?

The solution used is water (95%) blended with an alkali solution of potassium hydroxide and/or sodium hydroxide. Potassium hydroxide and sodium hydroxide accelerate the natural decomposition process that would occur in soil over many years.

Is there a Difference in the Ashes Received by the Family?

There is! With flame-based cremation, ashes are often gray or gray-white in color, coarser to the touch, and may contain visible bone fragments. The intense heat causes chemical changes in the bone’s composition, which results in the gray color and coarse texture.

Due to the lower temperatures and alkaline solution used, the bone goes through a more consistent breakdown with water cremation. Consequently, the ashes are whiter in color and smoother in texture.

Despite the visual differences, both types of ashes are composed of the same material: calcium phosphate. The fundamental composition is so similar that both types of remains can be handled, stored, and memorialized in identical ways.

What is the Availability for Each Form of Cremation?

Flame-based cremation has been an accepted practice for many years and is readily accessible and available in all states. On the other hand, water cremation is relatively new and not available in all states. However, given time, water cremation may become as prevalent as fire cremation. Click here to learn your state’s stance on water cremation.

What’s Next?

Now that you understand the differences, the next questions to ask yourself are: What’s my preference? Is it available at my preferred funeral home or in my state/area?

The best person to help you understand your local options is your trusted funeral professional! Both cremation methods come with pros and cons, and meeting with a funeral professional can make all the difference. They can help you evaluate and understand the choices available so you can make an informed decision that aligns with your values and meets your needs.

Jun 03

Love0

Woman wearing black clothing holding bouquet of white chrysanthemums

Funeral Flowers Around the World

By christy.kessler Educational, Grief/Loss, Memorial

For millennia, flowers have been a universal representation of love, life, and loss. In many cultures, funeral flowers carry deep-rooted and cherished significance. They create a soothing atmosphere, evoke positive emotions, create connections, and convey messages of love and support. Today, let’s discuss several prominent funeral flowers around the world and why they may be more culturally significant in one area of the world than another.

White lily on black background

White Lilies

In many cultures, the white lily is commonly used for funerals. These trumpet-shaped blooms represent purity, innocence, peace, and the resurrection of the soul. Because of their close association with the soul, white lilies are often seen at religious ceremonies and other commemorative events in Western, Latin American, and Asian cultures. A traditional choice for funerals since ancient times, the lily is fitting for a time of reflection and mourning.

Bouquet of red roses with glimpse of green stems

Roses

Roses are practically synonymous with profound love. In Latin American and Western cultures, any color rose can be offered as a remembrance after a loved one’s death, though red and white are perhaps the most common. However, in some Asian cultures, the color red represents celebration and happiness, and because of that, red roses are inappropriate for a funeral. They use white instead for its connection to purity and reverence.

Marigolds in clay vase against wooden wall

Marigold (Cempoalxochitl)

Perhaps most well-known for its use during Dia de Los Muertos in Mexico, the marigold is considered the “flower of the dead.” Its color and fragrance are thought to guide the souls of the deceased back to the world of the living, where family and friends leave offerings to pay their respects. The bright, cheery color celebrates life instead of focusing on the bitterness of death. Additionally, the marigold is essential to Hindu funerals because it symbolizes the cycle of life and death, guiding the soul to its next incarnation.

Woman wearing black clothing holding bouquet of white chrysanthemums

Chrysanthemum

In many Asian cultures, the lovely chrysanthemum is closely associated with death and funerals. These delicate plants convey grief, lamentation, respect for the deceased, and condolence for the family. White and yellow are considered the most suitable colors. The chrysanthemum may also be used in Western culture funerals, though there’s less emphasis on specific colors. Instead, you can include chrysanthemums of any shade at a loved one’s final tribute.

Jasmine

While flowers are used more sparingly in Middle Eastern funerals, jasmine and white lilies are often considered acceptable choices. Jasmine is associated with death, remembrance, spiritual realms, and the afterlife. Some families may use the strong, sweet fragrance to scent their homes. Other families will leave the flowers at the grave to offer respect to the departed. Middle Eastern cultures often focus more on spiritual connection through prayers, but there is still room for personal expression through floral arrangements.

Lei

Hawaii is well-known for its use of the lei for many occasions. One of these occasions is the funeral, where the lei is used to express condolences and respect for the deceased and their family. In Hawaii, the lei represents love, respect, and the circle of life and may be worn by guests, draped over photos or the casket/urn, or set out to decorate the funeral service area. In some cases, the lei may be thrown out into the ocean, symbolizing the release of a loved one’s spirit. Various types of leis can be used, including maile, ti leaf, and orchid leis.

King Protea

The national flower of South Africa, the King Protea symbolizes strength, resilience, and the enduring nature of life. The flower’s ability to survive harsh conditions created a cultural connection to overcoming adversity and embracing the future. Because of its deep roots in South African culture, the artichoke-like flower is often used at funerals. It gives mourners a way to express their love and care for a lost loved one in a way that is uniquely suited to South African traditions.

Flowers are used all over the world to convey sympathy, respect, and remembrance. If you are selecting flowers for a culture that is not your own, consider asking which flowers would be appropriate. For example, flowers are not part of the Jewish funeral tradition. Because of that, they wouldn’t be the best choice for paying respects and supporting the grieving family. When in doubt, ask someone who knows, like a family member, friend, or even the funeral director.

If you’d like to learn more about funeral flowers, check out 7 Popular Sympathy Flowers and Their Meanings and Gifting Sympathy Flowers: A Practice that Goes Back Millennia.

May 23

Love0

5 Ways to Support a Grieving Dad on Father’s Day

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss, Helping a Friend in Grief, Seasonal

While every day after the loss of a loved one can be hard, it’s the special days and holidays that present a unique struggle. For dads who have lost a child, Father’s Day can be especially difficult. While men are stereotypically and societally encouraged to bottle their emotions and “be strong,” this attitude really isn’t helpful in life or on the grief journey. In fact, it can be detrimental. So, even if a grieving dad seems okay, grief can surge on a day centered around parent-child relationships, and many dads may struggle with expressing themselves or allowing their grief to be seen.

If you know a dad who has experienced child loss, here are a few ways you can support him on Father’s Day:

1. Encourage him to express himself

Man walking alone outside on a paved walkway with trees and green grass

Sometimes, getting a man to talk about his feelings is difficult. The stiff-upper-lip, “men don’t cry” mentality has so deeply permeated their sense of self that it feels awkward and uncomfortable to share what they are thinking and feeling. Despite that, encourage grieving dads to express what’s on their mind and heart.

If they can’t speak it out loud to another person, maybe they can write it down on paper, visit the child’s final resting place, or take a walk alone and speak aloud to themselves or to God. Getting those emotions – both positive and negative – outside of self is a necessary and helpful part of the grieving process.

2. Invite him out for a break

Three men out to dinner on Father's Day

Some dads may throw themselves back into work and routine as a means of moving forward after the loss of a child. This action not only keeps them busy, but it may also provide a way to avoid facing the grief they feel. While routine is good and financially taking care of your living family members is necessary, it’s not a replacement for doing the work of grief.

If you are close to a grieving dad, encourage him to take a break. He’s probably been running himself ragged, trying to keep his personal, professional, and emotional lives in balance. Invite him out for a round of pool, trivia night, dinner and a movie, or whatever suits his interests. Finding something positive to do on Father’s Day may add a little sunshine to an otherwise difficult day.

(Note: You could invite him out the day before or after Father’s Day if he’d prefer to spend the actual day with his family.)

3. Acknowledge that he’s a dad

Three generations of a family; grandfather, father, uncle, and son; Father's Day

If a dad has lost his only child or the baby died before birth or soon after, he is still a dad! He still loves his child, his fatherly role is still part of his identity, and his child’s memory lives on. Acknowledging that he was a great dad and his child’s life mattered can be a huge encouragement.

When you talk to him, whether in person, over the phone, or through text, don’t avoid mentioning Father’s Day, his child, or his life as a dad. By remembering him and his identity as a father, you can show him that you care and that he and his child are not forgotten.

4. Provide practical support

Two men working on a lawn mower; friend offering practical help

While sympathy flowers and other gifts are nice, sometimes what grieving people really need is practical support. Many dads may feel the need to immediately take on their usual household tasks and even add extra things to the to-do list, which may leave them feeling overwhelmed.

By offering practical help, you can alleviate some of that burden. Every family divvies up chores and responsibilities differently, but here are a few examples. Does the lawn need to be mowed and the bushes trimmed? Offer to do one while he does the other. Does the garage need to be organized or the car’s oil changed? Suggest that you take a couple of these responsibilities off his plate to allow him time to spend with his family or to simply rest. No matter how small it may seem, this practical support can make a big difference.

5. Call, text, or send a card

Man talking on phone to a grieving friend; wife sitting on couch in background

Another way to support your grieving friend is to call him, text him, or send him a thoughtful Father’s Day card. These options are especially helpful if you can’t be with him in person or if he wishes to spend the day alone or only with family. You can share stories or memories of his child, mention the child by name, ask how he’s doing, and let him know that you’re thinking of him. Most importantly, avoid cliches and platitudes that do more harm than good.

If you send a text, consider adding “No need to respond” to your message. Texts come with a lot of pressure for a quick response, and this small addition takes the pressure off and allows him to respond if he’s up to it. He’ll still know you’re thinking of him on what is likely a difficult day.

No matter what you decide to do to support your grieving friend, listen to his needs and respect them. He may accept what you’re offering, and he may not. Don’t take it personally. Even if he just wants to be alone on Father’s Day, knowing you cared enough to check on him will bring comfort and make him feel seen.

May 11

Love0

Elderly mother and adult daughter with hands on mother's heart

6 Ways Hospice Care Can Improve Quality of Life

By christy.kessler Educational, Hospice

If you have been diagnosed with a terminal illness, choosing hospice care may feel like giving up. But in so many ways, it’s not about giving up; it’s about taking back control and improving quality of life so that the final days are the best they can possibly be – for you and your loved ones.

Research shows that hospice care not only improves quality of life, but it also extends the length of life. In two separate studies, results found that patients who received hospice care lived 1-3 months longer, felt happier, and were more mobile. But how does hospice care do that? What services do hospice workers provide that improve quality of life? Let’s talk about it.

6 Ways Hospice Care Can Improve Quality of Life

Older woman in wheelchair sitting outside with hospice nurse, taking medication and enjoying outdoors

1. Symptom Management

The first focus of hospice care is pain and symptom management. Pain negatively affects quality of life, so if you can manage it, quality of life goes up quickly. Hospice teams are skilled in managing pain through medication, physical therapy, as well as other techniques. Regular visits from the hospice team will not only keep any discomfort down, but they also often prevent the need for emergency hospital visits. This means you can rest more fully and stay in the comfort of your own home.

2. Emotional & Spiritual Support

In addition to addressing physical needs, hospice care also provides resources for emotional and spiritual support. As human beings, we are so much more than a body – we are spiritual, emotional, and psychological. When you request hospice care, you gain access to chaplains and other advisors who are available to help you and your family cope with the challenges of a terminal illness and the grief that comes along with it. This form of counseling can reduce stress, anxiety, and emotional pain, leading to a better quality of life.

3. Education on What to Expect

For so many of us, the unknown is daunting and scary, which can cause some unpleasant emotions like fear or anxiety. But by learning what to expect, you can take some of the fear out of a difficult situation. If you’d like, the hospice care team is available to help you understand disease progression and what to expect in the coming months. This knowledge will help you process what’s happening to your body and prepare for what’s to come. Though it seems counterintuitive, having this information can reduce the stress you feel and improve overall quality of life.

4. Practical, At-Home Assistance

When you’re not feeling well, the practical, day-to-day tasks can sometimes become much harder to accomplish. The hospice care team can ensure that you and your home continue to be cared for throughout your illness. They will assist with your personal care (hygiene, baths), household tasks (preparing meals, cleaning), and if you’d like, they can also assist with financial planning or advance funeral planning. By allowing the hospice team to take care of the practical things, your ability to remain at home increases, and being in a comfortable, familiar place improves quality of life.

5. Support for Caregiving Relatives

In addition to a hospice care team, you may also have close family members acting as caregivers during your illness. These loving caregivers also administer medication, help with personal care, and take care of the home. But sometimes, caregiving can be overwhelming, and family caregivers may need a break. That’s completely normal and expected. When you sign up for hospice care, respite care becomes an option for caregivers. This short-term assistance gives caregivers a few days to recharge or take care of their own personal needs. When your caregivers feel refreshed, your quality of life improves, too.

6. More Family Time

The more hands you have helping, the more time you have for other things. If your loved ones are acting as your sole caregivers, they may feel torn between taking care of the daily necessities and simply sitting with you and absorbing every minute. With a hospice team on your side, your caregiving family members don’t have as many responsibilities. This means you can spend more time just being together, which is something all of you need during this time of illness and transition. No one ever wishes they’d spent more time working – they wish they’d spent more time with family and the people who matter most.

As you can see, hospice care looks at the whole person – physical, spiritual, emotional, mental. And by offering a variety of services, hospice care workers not only improve your quality of life, but they also assist you and those closest to you with deep compassion and kindness.

For more information about hospice care, check out these resources:

Understanding the 7 Basics Hospice Services
Who Qualifies for Hospice Care?
Deciding How to Pay for Hospice Care
Do You Know the Four Levels of Hospice Care?
4 Places Where You Can Receive Hospice Care
The Ins and Outs of Hospice Respite Care
6 Signs that It’s Time to Consider Hospice Care