christy.kessler, Author at Funeral Basics

Dec 30

Two people holding a small chocolate birthday cake with white icing

10 Ways to Celebrate a Loved One’s Memory on their Birthday

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss, Memorial

After losing a loved one, the act of remembrance is essential to the healing process. Memories and cherished moments bring comfort and peace during the difficult process of grief. While you will always miss the person who has died, you can keep their memory alive in your heart and memory. One way you can honor and remember them is by celebrating their birthday every year. But what does that look like? Let’s review 10 ideas for celebrating a loved one’s memory on their birthday.

1. Organize a gathering with family and friends

If you love hosting and having people around you, consider throwing a birthday party for your lost loved one. Instead of gifts, guests can bring their favorite memories to share over the dinner table. Display photos, bring out your loved one’s favorite dishes, and place your loved one’s photo in a place of honor at the table. Coming together with others may be just the right balm for your heart as you mark a lost loved one’s birthday.

2. Cook their favorite meal

If you don’t feel up to a full gathering, keep it simple by cooking your loved one’s favorite meal for your immediate family. As you prepare their signature dish, place a photo of your loved one nearby. Then, once everyone is settled at the table, swap stories about your lost loved one and laugh together as you celebrate their birthday and their life. In this way, you can combine the comfort of food with the comfort of your memories.

3. Write them a letter

Words are powerful, and writing down your thoughts can be a therapeutic and effective way to process what you’re feeling. As you write, you could express your feelings, share life updates, or simply tell your loved one how much you miss them. If you want an extra touch, choose a birthday card at the store and write your letter inside. Then, you can leave the letter at their graveside or place it in a memory box where you can come back to it in future years.

4. Start a birthday tradition

If you like the idea of creating a ritual you can revisit year after year, consider starting a birthday tradition on your loved one’s birthday. Did they love apple pie? Eat a slice on their birthday every year. Did they adore When Harry Met Sally or Die Hard? Watch the movie, even if it’s the wrong time of year. Did they love taking walks? Get outside and breathe in the crisp air. Simply choose a birthday tradition that’s doable and look forward to it every year.

5. Give a memorial donation

If your loved one was active in the community or did regular volunteer work, then giving a memorial donation may be an excellent way to honor their memory. Consider giving to an organization they were passionate about. Alternatively, if they suffered from a disease, you could give toward medical research seeking a cure and treatment options. By giving a memorial donation in your loved one’s name, you extend their positive impact on the world.

6. Visit their final resting place

Another activity to consider is visiting your loved one’s final resting place. If the cemetery allows it, bring a birthday bouquet or a birthday balloon. Sit down and give your loved one an update on the past year of your life. If your person wasn’t laid to rest in a cemetery, visit a place that is particularly meaningful to the two of you. It doesn’t really matter where you go, as long as you feel a connection and kinship to the person who has died.

7. Share a post on social media

Social media is a big part of life today, and it can be a great place to publicly honor and remember a loved one. Take your time crafting a heartfelt message and selecting meaningful photos. If you wish, you could ask people to share a favorite memory or leave a message of remembrance in the comments. When you’re hurting, it can be comforting to know you aren’t alone and that other people miss your person, too.

8. Participate in their favorite hobby

Did your loved one have a favorite hobby or pastime? In honor of their birthday, you could jump in and participate. For the painters, sign up for a class at the local Paint & Sip. For the marathon runners, sign up for a 5k (you can walk, no running required). For the crafters, spend time learning how to embroider, quilt, or crochet. For the golfers, take the whole family to mini golf. No matter what your loved one’s interests were, you can use them to honor your loved one’s birthday.

9. Wear something meaningful for the day

What you wear is a form of expression. On your lost loved one’s birthday, you can express your love for them through your wardrobe. You could wear their favorite color or a piece of jewelry that once belonged to them. You could pull on fuzzy cat socks or paint your nails that signature blue. Whatever it is, wearing a physical reminder can brighten your day and hopefully bring a smile to your face amidst any sadness you’re feeling.

10. Perform random acts of kindness

Lastly, give kindness to others on behalf of your loved one. For one mother who lost her young daughter, this meant paying for another child’s birthday cake in her daughter’s memory. For you, this could mean so many things. Paying for the person’s order behind you in the drive-thru. Taking cookies to work. Smiling at people at the store. Giving a bigger tip. Big or small, a simple act of kindness can lift the heart – yours and the other person’s.

Remember, this is just a list of possible ideas. Get creative and identify the most meaningful way for you to honor your loved one’s memory on their birthday. And if it’s hard to think about “celebrating” anything right now, that’s okay. You can come back to this list of ideas at a future date when you’re ready. Each year may look different as your loved one’s birthday comes and goes, but your love for them will remain forever and always.

Dec 29

Love0

Man and woman greeting each other with a handshake in a professional setting

What to Expect at a Funeral Arrangement Conference

By christy.kessler Plan Ahead, Planning Tools

None of us are ever truly prepared to lose someone we love. Whether the loss comes suddenly or has been long expected, numbness and shock are common in the first two days, which is usually when the funeral arrangements are made. To help ease the burden you may feel so soon after a loss, it’s helpful to know what to expect when you head into an arrangement conference. Preparing ahead of time will help ease your mind and prepare your thoughts.

What is an Arrangement Conference?

An arrangement conference is a time specifically set aside to meet with a funeral director and discuss final disposition and the details of a meaningful tribute. Additionally, it’s an opportunity for the funeral director to get to know you better and learn how to best honor your loved one.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected grief author and counselor, says that the funeral ritual is incredibly important for our individual grief journeys. He says, “Rich in history and rife with symbolism, the funeral ceremony helps us acknowledge the reality of the death, gives testimony to the life of the deceased, encourages the expression of grief in a way consistent with the culture’s values, provides support to mourners, allows for the embracing of faith and beliefs about life and death, and offers continuity and hope for the living.”

With this goal in mind, the arrangement conference gives you and the funeral director time to create a meaningful and healing funeral service. Most arrangement conferences take place in the funeral home, but if you are traveling from a long distance or can’t make it to the funeral home in person, you may also be able to work with your funeral director over the phone and via text, email, or other digital options.

What are the Main Objectives?

There are three main objectives for your time with the funeral director during the arrangement conference.

Gather the vital information of the person who died (full name, SSN, birthdate, etc.), which the funeral director will then use on your behalf to request death certificates and file for veterans’ burial benefits (if applicable) and life insurance claims.
Make your wishes known about how you want to remember and honor your lost loved one.
Select the most fitting funeral, cremation, and burial options.

Typically, the conference takes 2-3 hours on the day of or the day after a death. The funeral director will guide you through the available funeral service and memorial options, music selections, coordination with a church and cemetery (or other desired location for the service), and much more.

What Questions Should You Consider in Advance?

The funeral director is your partner and your guide throughout the funeral planning process. They have the experience and the knowledge needed to help you make informed decisions. Even though you will get thorough explanations from the funeral director, it’s a good idea to come to the arrangement conference having considered a few key questions:

Where and when should the services be held?
Do you want to publish an obituary? If you do, who will write it? Where will you publish it?
In lieu of flowers, do you want to offer charitable contributions as an option for sympathy gifts?
Have you chosen a cemetery or other final resting place?
Do you need assistance with selecting a monument or grave marker?
What kind of funeral service is most appropriate? Simple? Elaborate? Public? Private? Religious?
What would you consider to be the best way to honor and memorialize your lost loved one?
Should there be a viewing, visitation, funeral service, or committal service?
If there is a service, who will participate? Musicians, speakers, pallbearers?
Do you want floral arrangements present, and if so, what kind?
Will the final disposition be burial, cremation, or another type of interment?
Will the body be present at the funeral or memorial service?
If applicable, open or closed casket?
Do you know someone who will act as officiant, or will you need the funeral home’s assistance in finding one?

What Should You Bring?

The more information you bring, the smoother the meeting will be (and the less documentation you will need to bring back later). To help you prepare, print and review this Funeral Arrangement Conference Checklist. The list is fairly comprehensive and gives you an excellent place to start. However, please note that the funeral home may ask you for something not included.

Additionally, the funeral home might also reach out to you before the arrangement conference to start planning digitally. Completing some information ahead of time means that the focus of the in-person meeting can be about planning a meaningful, personalized service for your loved one.

Some Final Tips

First of all, prepare as much as you can ahead of time. You can gather necessary documents, clothing and personal items, details for the obituary, and photos to be used in the service ahead of time.

Secondly, don’t feel rushed during the conference. Remember, the funeral director is there to help you with all your needs and is ready to serve you fully.

Thirdly, ask as many questions as you need. As you plan a tribute for your loved one, the funeral director is there to be a knowledgeable and available partner in a difficult situation. Make use of their experience and ask as many questions as you want.

Finally, take notes. You will receive a lot of information during the arrangement conference, and it’s unlikely you will be able to remember it all. Take a notepad (or a friend) with you and make sure to write things down.

Hopefully, you now feel a little more prepared for an arrangement conference and can go into the meeting with confidence!

One Last Thought

After planning a funeral for a loved one, you know how hard it can be. Instead, here’s a pro tip: If you’d like to make the planning process easier for your own family in the future, consider the benefits of preplanning. With a prearranged funeral plan already in place, your family won’t have to answer dozens of questions while under a cloud of stress and grief. Instead, with your wishes in hand, the arrangement conference will go very smoothly. Often, the only question left to answer is the date and time for the service to be held!

To learn more about funeral preplanning, check out these resources:

Dec 10

Love0

Young woman in pink sweater and glasses sitting at home and going over her estate plan

Avoid These 6 Estate Planning Misconceptions

By christy.kessler Educational, Estate Planning

A 2025 survey found that only 31% of Americans have a legal will and 55% of Americans have no estate plan at all. These figures tell us that most American families are unprotected and unprepared regarding legal matters should an unexpected death occur in the family.

You may be asking, “But what is an estate plan?” An estate plan refers to many documents, including but not limited to a legal will, a living will, a financial or healthcare power of attorney, and a trust. A combination of these documents will make up a person’s estate plan.

So, why aren’t Americans completing an estate plan? Let’s talk through 6 misconceptions around estate planning that lead many families to de-prioritize the planning process and create unintentional confusion and headaches for surviving family members.

Reason #1: “An estate plan is only for senior adults”

In many ways, estate planning has become associated with advanced age. Because senior adults (65+) have lived longer, worked longer, and often accumulated more wealth, the general thought is that they are more likely to need an estate plan.

However, a 20-something who’s just starting out has just as much need for estate planning documents as an 80-year-old at an assisted living facility. Why? Because both people have assets, possessions, and online accounts tied to their names.

Without a clear estate plan, both the family of the 20-year-old and the 80-year-old will have difficulty untangling an estate. In some ways, the 20-year-old’s estate may be harder. After all, the 80-year-old may have verbally conveyed some wishes while the 20-year-old probably never considered it. So, regardless of age, it’s always a good idea to have a plan for your estate.

Reason #2: “An estate plan is only for the wealthy”

Next, you may think that estate planning is only for the wealthy. While the wealthy do have more assets and properties to distribute, estate planning is not dependent on having a specific amount of wealth. In many ways, estate planning is about more than money.

It’s about the family heirlooms, the sock drawer money, the paid-off car, and the house you’ve lived in for years. Whether you have $100 to your name or $1 million, your family needs direction and guidance to understand your wishes and ensure that the right people inherit and receive what you want them to receive.

Reason #3: “Estate planning will be too expensive”

The cost of estate planning ultimately rests in your hands. While there are expensive options out there, you can choose an estate planning route that comes with minimal cost.

For those who have a complicated estate, it may be worthwhile to get in contact with an estate planning attorney who can help you walk through all the details. However, for those with uncomplicated, straightforward estates, you can complete basic estate planning documents for a nominal fee.

And if you prefer to work directly with an estate planning attorney no matter what, you can call around until you find a firm or attorney that fits into your budget and meets your needs.

Reason #4: “I have plenty of time”

Most of us don’t spend much time actively thinking about our mortality. It’s something we tend to avoid thinking about, which is why so many people assume they have plenty of time to complete an estate plan.

But the fact is that none of us know the length of our days. More than likely, all of us can name someone who died much too early or quite unexpectedly. Rather than leave things to chance, take charge and make decisions today.

By outlining your estate planning wishes now, not only will you have peace of mind that everyone you love is taken care of, but the people you love can experience incredible assurance that you’ve considered everything and made plans for the future.

Reason #5: “I don’t need an estate plan”

For some, you may think you don’t need an estate plan. Maybe you live paycheck to paycheck or you’ve never been able to buy a home or invest in anything. You’re not alone! According to a report put out by PNC Bank, around 67% of workers are living paycheck to paycheck.

While your financial situation may make it seem like you don’t need an estate plan, that’s not the case. Even if your financial assets are minimal, there are still many end-of-life concerns that need your input.

Let’s discuss a few examples. A legal will allows you to designate a guardian for any minor children or pets. A living will encourages you to outline your wishes regarding life-saving medical care. A power of attorney gives your chosen representative the ability to make decisions if you become incapacitated, including paying your bills, making medical decisions, and accessing your online accounts.

Whether you have monetary assets or not, you do have many reasons to complete an estate plan and ensure your wishes are known.

Reason #6: “I’ve never thought about it”

And lastly, it could be that you just haven’t thought about estate planning at all. It could be because you don’t feel you qualify, but it could also simply be not knowing. In life, we don’t know what we don’t know.

So, consider this your public service announcement: An estate plan matters, and by putting one together (no matter your financial situation), you will make closing your estate and distributing your assets and heirlooms much easier on your family during a time of grief.

So, What’s Next?

Now that you understand why estate planning matters and that it applies to you, how do you get started?

Download our free estate planning checklist (download here)
Make an appointment with an estate planning attorney
Look into community and online resources

11 Reasons Why You Should Start Estate Planning Now

By christy.kessler Educational, Estate Planning

Far too often, estate planning stays at the bottom of the to-do pile, and because of that, surviving family members are left with an estate to untangle and questions to answer. For some families, the lack of an estate plan can lead to years of court appearances and loss of money. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Today, let’s talk about 11 reasons why estate planning is useful and why you shouldn’t put it off.

11 Reasons Why You Should Start Estate Planning Now

First, let’s define “estate plan.” An estate plan is the process of anticipating and managing financial, medical, and guardianship issues that will arise after your death or if you become incapacitated. Think of estate planning as a road map for your family, giving them a clear vision of how to care for your health, possessions, assets, children, pets, and more.

The most common estate planning documents to consider are the financial power of attorney, medical power of attorney, living will, legal will, revocable living trust, and funeral plan.

Not every reason on this list will apply to you, but if even one reason connects to your life, then it may be time to put together an estate plan.

1. Protect Your Minor Children

If you have children under 18, an estate plan can be essential for their care if something should happen to you. By completing certain documents, you can designate a guardian and set aside an inheritance for your children’s future. Without a plan in place, children may go through foster care or experience a period of instability on the way to a permanent home. By completing a few documents, especially a legal will, you can provide for your children if anything unexpected occurs.

2. Outline Future Care for Pets

Pets are family members, too, and to guarantee their well-being after your passing, you can include them in your legal documents. When a pet’s care is left unaddressed, it’s possible that they may be dropped off at a shelter or humane society rather than taken in by a loving family. To protect your pet’s future, consider taking steps to ensure that they go to a happy and healthy home should anything happen to you. To learn more, read Protect Your Pet: 4 Steps to Create an Estate Plan for Your Pet.

3. Minimize or Prevent Family Disagreements

All of us know that money can make people a little bit crazy. Sometimes it’s easy to tell who will cause problems, and other times, it’s not. By putting together an estate plan, you can significantly minimize or completely prevent any squabbles amongst your surviving loved ones. An estate plan will clearly outline your wishes regarding who gets what, when they get it, who’s in charge, and more. And because the documents are legally binding, any difficult people will have to go along with it.

4. Specify How Your Assets Should Be Distributed

You might say, “I don’t have a lot of money. Why do I need a will?” The word “assets” refers to much more than just money. It’s your car, your house, your accounts, and your cherished heirlooms, to name a few. All of these items belong to you, and you should be the one deciding what happens to them after you’re gone. If you don’t have an estate plan, it’s often up to state law to determine what happens, and your family may or may not benefit. By completing a few documents now, you can ensure everything goes to the right people.

5. Avoid Probate Court and Preserve Privacy

For some families, a revocable trust may be an excellent option because it allows you to skip the costly and time-consuming probate court process. At probate court, the legal will is authenticated, and a plan is set to pay bills and taxes before distributing to the rightful heirs. Depending on your state, it can be a complicated process, especially if someone decides to oppose the will. However, with a trust, you can completely avoid probate court and appoint your own executor, who will take care of everything privately and out of the public eye.

6. Choose a Trusted Estate Executor

An executor is the person who carries out the desires and directives you’ve written in a legal will. You can designate someone you trust as executor, but if you don’t have a legal will, everything will fall to the state. The state-appointed executor will then decide what to do with your assets and property. While they will follow state law, the end results may not benefit your family. However, by completing an estate plan and choosing an executor, you can avoid this unnecessary complication.

7. Manage or Minimize Estate Tax Issues

Another reason to set up an estate plan is to manage or minimize taxes associated with state/federal estate tax laws or inheritance laws. Without a plan, these taxes could significantly affect what’s left for your heirs. However, you can reduce the tax on your overall estate when your estate plan is properly structured. It’s best to speak with an estate planning attorney to discuss the right options for your particular estate. With their help, you may be able to legally avoid expensive taxes that can negatively impact your estate.

8. Document your Medical Care Wishes

Not to be confused with a legal will, the living will is a document that outlines your medical care wishes should you become incapacitated. In this document, you provide guidance on which medical procedures you are okay with and which you aren’t. For example, some people may include DNR (do not resuscitate) orders in their living will. The biggest benefit to completing a living will is that you provide family members and doctors with a comprehensive understanding of your wishes so they can make decisions appropriately.

9. Avoid a Guardianship Appointment

A power of attorney (POA) allows a designated representative to legally act on your behalf. This means that they can make financial or medical decisions, pay bills, and sell property, to name a few. However, if you become incapacitated and don’t have a POA, it’s possible that no one (including your spouse) will be able to act for you. In this event, the court must appoint a guardian for you, which can be an expensive and lengthy process. However, with a POA in place, your loved ones can make decisions on your behalf with ease.

10. Arrange for Charitable Gifts

If you’d like to support an organization or charity by leaving a charitable gift (or bequest), then you’ll want to use your estate plan to set everything up. There are ways to designate certain finances to go to a specific organization, and when properly structured, you can do so without losing much to taxes. If you plan to give a large amount or would like to create a new scholarship fund at an institution, reach out to the organization itself first. Their knowledgeable staff will help you navigate all the steps.

11. Give Everyone Peace of Mind

And last but certainly not least, completing an estate plan will give you – and your survivors – peace of mind. Creating an estate plan takes time and can be a bit stressful. Imagine having to do everything after a loved one has already passed away and can no longer answer questions or give opinions. It’s one more stress added to an already difficult time of loss. Instead, by putting in the work now, you can give everyone peace of mind and remove a future burden from your loved ones’ shoulders.

Why Is It Important to Plan Now?

In short, the most compelling reason why you should start putting your estate plan together now is that none of us know the length of our days. For many of us, it will be decades before there’s even a hint of a health problem. But for some, an accident or a diagnosis can come without warning and much too early.

Because the future is unknown, take the time now to protect your children, your pets, and your assets. Without your forethought, there’s no telling what may happen after you’re gone. It’s never too early to put together an estate plan, but it can be too late.

To begin preparing a comprehensive estate plan, make an appointment with a local estate planning attorney or look online for resources in your area. While it will take time to put everything together, your family will be so grateful in the end.

Additional Estate Planning Resources

DISCLAIMER: Individual circumstances and state laws vary, so any estate planning should only be undertaken with the help and assistance of an attorney licensed in your state.

Dec 09

Love0

Tiles with happy and sad faces printed on them resting on a table with a person's hand splitting them apart

Funerals and Family Discord: What Can You Do?

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss, Planning Tools

Funerals can be difficult. Emotions tend to live closer to the surface. Then, add the struggles and intricacies associated with relationships to the emotional pot. Dealing with family discord or difficult people at an already challenging time is taxing. If you’ve lost someone you love, you are already feeling a wide range of emotions, and you may not feel you have energy left to deal with difficult people or situations.

Family discord or interactions with difficult people can happen at any stage of the funeral process. It may be that you and a sibling disagree on the best way to honor your parent’s life. Or perhaps someone you have intentionally avoided will be coming to the funeral service. No matter the details of your particular situation, you may feel your stress levels rising when you think about the funeral. If this resonates with you, take a moment to review some thoughts on how to navigate these tricky moments.

1. Be aware of your emotions

Our emotions are a gift, but they are also our responsibility. They tell us how we feel, but they do not always reflect the truth about a situation. We need to examine whether our feelings are based on faulty assumptions or real facts.

As you deal with family discord or difficult people, try to be mindful of your emotions and what they are telling you. But more importantly, ask yourself, “Are my emotions a reflection of reality or a result of my potentially faulty conclusions?” In other words, are you thinking clearly or through an emotionally-blurred lens? It’s important to answer these questions before taking the offensive against family members during a very emotional time.

Remember – you control your emotions; they do not control you.

2. Find ways to compromise

Compromise is a highly successful way to navigate discord, so be on the lookout for areas where you can give and take. In some cases, family members may disagree about funeral arrangements for a lost loved one. Some may prefer cremation while others may prefer burial. And if cremation is chosen, what happens to the ashes? Who decides?

These types of family disagreements are one reason why it’s so important to plan ahead for funeral arrangements. If a loved one provides an outline of their wishes, survivors don’t have to stress over what to do. They can have confidence in what their lost loved one wanted. But in the absence of a plan, find ways to compromise so that everyone gets a little of what they want.

And if you’re attending a funeral where you will see a certain family member you’ve been avoiding, remember what the service is all about. It’s about honoring and saying goodbye to the person who has died. Whether or not there is a possibility to repair the strained relationship with the living person, try to set aside your differences until after services are complete.

3. Choose your words thoughtfully

It’s always good practice to weigh your words in every situation, especially during a time of loss. Those who speak out of anger or pain are usually in a reactive state and may say something hurtful that they later regret. If tension is rising with family members, words spoken in anger will only make things worse.

Instead, work to stand up for yourself and express your opinion without attacking the position of others. Try to really listen to what others are saying and see things from their perspective before responding. Start your statements with “I feel” or “I think” rather than “You always do this” or “You make me so mad!” Using “I” instead of “You” statements will help you take responsibility for your emotions without accusing others and putting them on the defensive, which could escalate an already tense situation.

4. Discover what helps you cope with stress

Next, take time to understand your own needs.

We should always try to learn more about our own motivations and those of other people, seeking to understand why we and others act or react in certain ways. What calms you down? What is your outlet or release? For some, it’s painting or writing, working out, being alone for a while, or spending time with specific people who bring life and comfort.

As you approach a situation that may be difficult, do what you need to do beforehand to bring your stress levels down. Think about appropriate ways to express your grief, your anger, your frustration, or whatever feeling is rising up in you. Don’t bottle it up; channel it appropriately. If you do feel the need to express your emotions vocally, go to a room by yourself (or with a safe person) and scream or cry if you need to.

5. Try to take the higher road

When dealing with a difficult person, the last thing you may want is to be “nice.” If you and a sibling are arguing over a parent’s final wishes for the funeral service, you are likely more irritated than kindhearted at the moment. But that’s why it’s so important to look for a way to be kind.

As you seek ways to be gracious to those who are difficult, rude, or discourteous, you may even change the direction of the conversation. Even if they don’t respond to you in kindness, you can look back at the funeral and say, “I did my best in a difficult situation.”

In life, conflict is unavoidable. How we respond and deal with it is what truly matters. If you are looking for a way to avoid future family discord or an uncomfortable situation at a funeral, one option is to talk with your elderly, living relatives about making advance funeral arrangements. Putting a plan in place provides a valuable opportunity for families to get on the same page regarding future events and prevent as much disagreement as possible.

Dec 08

Love0

Person sitting down and looking at online review on a smartphone

Top 10 Characteristics to Look for in a Funeral Home

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Planning Tools

While losing a loved one is not something any of us want to think about, there is value in thinking ahead and being prepared for the future. Whether you want to complete advance funeral arrangements or are in the midst of planning a loved one’s funeral right now, it’s important to choose the funeral home that works best for you.

Unfortunately, funeral homes are not created equal. As you select a funeral home to meet your planning needs, consider looking for these 10 characteristics.

1. Possesses a Good Reputation

You probably know of a place (whether it be a restaurant, retail store, or funeral home) that has a bad reputation. What do you instinctively do when you know a place has a bad reputation? You avoid it. You read online reviews, listen to other people’s stories, and value your own experience.

Particularly when selecting a funeral home, find a trusted establishment that maintains a good reputation so you can be confident in the care and service you will receive. Ask your friends for recommendations or read online reviews of the funeral homes in your area.

2. Employs Caring and Compassionate Staff

At any business, you should expect to be treated with kindness. However, this attitude should be especially true of funeral home staff, who should exhibit excellent customer service and authentic sincerity. If they don’t, you know there’s a problem.

Another way to determine whether a funeral home cares is to see how involved they are in the community. Alternatively, make a short list of funeral homes you are considering and give them a call. Just one conversation can tell you a lot about their service and care.

3. Communicates a Commitment to Families

No matter which funeral home you choose, you should have confidence in their commitment to you. If a funeral home has a good reputation and employs kind and caring staff, then they’re also likely to show great commitment to the families they serve.

However, it is still good practice to read a funeral home’s mission statement and history. These two pieces of information can give you a better understanding of a funeral home’s values and commitments. You and your family should be at the top of the list!

4. Expresses a Desire to Create a Meaningful Experience

Renowned grief counselor, author, and educator, Dr. Alan Wolfelt, says, “What is essential [when planning a funeral] is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.”

As you consider a funeral home, ask yourself, “Will this funeral home help me create a service unique to my needs and values?” Personalized funerals are on the rise, and a good funeral home will work with you to create a meaningful and healing experience. The funeral director should listen carefully to your needs, answer your questions, and offer suggestions for creating a personalized final goodbye.

5. Offers a Good Location and Services

As you look for a funeral home to partner with, take your specific needs into account. For many, a convenient location is essential. When planning a funeral, you will be in frequent contact with the funeral home and easy access will be helpful for your preparations.

In addition to having a good location, evaluate the facility and services. Is the building clean and well-kept? Do they have room for a visitation, viewing, or reception (if your plans require such spaces)? Is the facility flexible, allowing you to adjust it to meet your specific needs?

Regarding services, does the funeral home offer what you need? Do they provide burial and cremation options? Do they coordinate graveside services or offer eco-friendly selections? No matter what your wishes are, only commit to a funeral home that can accomplish them.

6. Accommodates Religious or Cultural Needs

Another thing to consider is whether the funeral home can accommodate your religious or cultural needs. For some people, their origins and beliefs make up the fabric of who they are. It’s important that these core values are evident in the funeral or memorial service.

No two people are the same, and because of that individual uniqueness, no two funerals should be the same either. The funeral home you choose should be willing to help you express any religious or cultural beliefs you hold dear.

7. Values Transparency about Costs and Descriptions

Everyone values a clearly stated fee structure. With that in mind, partner with a funeral home that practices openness and transparency.

When you contact the funeral home, ask for the General Price List, which includes an itemized list of all services and merchandise. Every funeral home is required by the Federal Trade Commission to have this document updated and readily available for anyone who wishes to see it. With the Price List in hand, you can determine what’s best for your budget – no surprises!

And if you have questions about pricing or manufacturing, the staff should be willing to quickly and thoroughly answer your questions.

8. Offers Grief Resources

An important question to ask yourself is, “Does this funeral home provide services beyond the funeral itself?” A good funeral home will be there for you even after the funeral is over.

Look for an establishment that offers grief counseling services, post-funeral newsletters and education, grief support groups or materials, “check in” visits and phone calls, or holiday commemoration services, to name a few options. Your grief journey is important, and the right funeral home can help you on the road toward healing.

9. Utilizes Up-to-Date Technology

The funeral industry is often accused of being behind the times, but this is not entirely true. Yes, some funeral homes may be slow to change, but there are new, exciting technological advances available.

More and more funeral homes are cultivating a social media presence, creating and updating their websites, helping families create memorial videos, or offering a livestream of the funeral service. Some are even providing online funeral planning options. If these services are important to you, look for a funeral home that uses up-to-date technology to enhance its offerings.

10. Engages the Community with Education Programs

Finally, a good funeral home and its staff engage with the community before, during, and after the funeral. Does the funeral home host educational programs about estate planning and the importance of getting your affairs together? Do they offer educational events to share the importance of funeral preplanning or offer tours of the funeral home facilities? Do they offer hospice continuing education or engage in community events?

The funeral home should be an advocate of information. Death inevitably comes to us all, and we cannot change that. Education and preparation can be our ally, but that only happens if a funeral home engages with its community.

Hopefully this list of characteristics will help you find the best funeral home partner for your specific needs and wishes. Saying goodbye in a personalized and meaningful way is an important step in the healing journey, so don’t be afraid to ask questions and make sure you’ve got the right team by your side.

Nov 15

Love0

Father sitting next to young daughter, offering comfort at a sad moment

10 Ways to Support a Grieving Child During the Holidays

By christy.kessler Christmas, Grief/Loss, Seasonal

Grief can hit you hard any day of the year, but for many, the holidays are particularly difficult. The beloved traditions may not feel as joyful without the family member or friend who has passed away. While loss is difficult at any age, children experience it differently than adults. Because they are less able to identify their emotions and are still learning positive coping skills, grief can lead to outbursts of big emotions. So, as a caregiver, what can you do this holiday season to support the grieving child in your life?

1. Create Space for Their Emotions

Often, emotions are a bit paradoxical. You can feel joy and grief within moments of each other, which adults have learned how to manage. But for children, the tug between happiness and sadness may feel more extreme. To help them balance, create space for their emotions throughout the holidays.

Validate their feelings by listening and offering encouragement and comfort. Discuss how it’s okay to feel both happy and sad after losing someone. When a child is feeling out of sorts, invite them to draw a picture of a favorite memory or write down what they miss about the person. You could also encourage other healing actions, like taking flowers to the graveside, attending a remembrance service, or hanging a memorial ornament on the Christmas tree.

2. Encourage Open Dialogue and Connection

Children are still learning the social norms, so it’s not unusual for them to ask direct questions. Encourage this openness of communication. Read age-appropriate, grief-related books that will spark conversation. Ask open-ended questions like “What’s something you miss about [loved one’s name]?” Or sit down and play together while sharing memories.

If your child wants to talk about the death, talk about it. Children need to realize that death isn’t a taboo subject; it’s actually healthy to talk about what has happened because it helps them process difficult emotions. And don’t be afraid to show your own emotions during these conversations. By expressing your own sadness, you teach your child how to do the same.

3. Embrace Moments of Joy

Amidst the sadness, there are going to be times of joy during the holiday season. Take time to embrace those moments with your child. While grief is hard, it should not eclipse everything to the extent that there is no room for joy. And if you see that your child is having a hard time balancing their emotions and is slipping more into melancholy, create opportunities for joy.

You could watch a favorite holiday movie together or roast s’mores outside as the snow falls. Go shopping for presents together, decorate your home, or plan Christmas crafts that everyone will enjoy. Marvel over the neighborhood Christmas light displays or go ice skating at the local pond. And when grief inevitably hits, take time to acknowledge and feel it. Then, keep moving forward.

4. Take Time to Remember

One of the best tools you can utilize on the grief journey is the gift of memory. Though it may sound strange, looking back is the way forward. Respected grief counselor Dr. Alan Wolfelt puts it this way, “In my experience, remembering the past is the very thing that eventually makes hoping for the future possible. Mourners’ lives will open to renewed hope, love and joy only to the extent that they first embrace the past.”

So, take time to remember this holiday season. Make a memory wreath or keepsake craft with your child. Bake the loved one’s favorite holiday treat or choose a special memorial ornament. Hang up the loved one’s stocking and fill it with notecards that share memories, prayers, or thoughts. Set an extra place at the dinner table or light a memorial candle in the window. There are so many things you can do to encourage remembrance and invite a loved one’s memory into your holiday season.

5. Maintain Routines with Added Flexibility

Kids thrive on routine, and familiarity can offer comfort and stability to a grieving child. While the holidays are often full of activities that aren’t the norm, you can adjust the family schedule if you or the kids are beginning to feel overwhelmed. As is appropriate, allow your child to decide which events they’d like to participate in, especially on days when they are experiencing particularly high emotions.

When you can, stick to bedtimes, chores, and other basic routines or expectations to keep a sense of stability and predictability in your family’s day. There will be moments when the routine is disrupted, and that’s okay. Just make sure that your child understands what to expect for the day, so they can prepare themselves for anything new or different.

6. Allow This Year to Be Different

As a caregiver, you may be tempted to make sure that absolutely nothing changes for your child’s holiday season following the loss of a loved one. While the idea comes from a good place, you don’t have to put that much pressure on yourself. It’s okay to allow this year to be different. Different isn’t bad; in many ways, it can be just what you need.

So, give yourself permission to talk with your child about skipping or modifying the regular traditions. Or start something new that requires less effort, like taking a memory walk or writing a holiday letter to your lost loved one. And for the activities you do participate in, let your child know it’s okay to take breaks when their emotions are running high.

7. Understand Developmental Perspectives

Children process grief differently based on their age, maturity, and understanding of death. Some kids may fluctuate between feelings of joy and happiness and feelings of sadness, frustration, and anger. As a caregiver, it’s important that you identify where your child is at developmentally, so you can meet them there and respond in an age-appropriate way.

Here are a few quick tips:

With young children, use simple, clear language and focus on reassuring them that they are loved and safe.
For school-age children, provide added space for questions and discussion.
With teens, be open and available for deeper conversations while also respecting their desire for privacy or independence.

For helpful information on developmental stages, check out this helpful resource from the Dougy Center, a national grief center for children and families.

8. Take Care of Yourself as Caregiver

In order to support a grieving child, you need to also take care of yourself. If too many holiday activities are causing you to be stressed and irritable, look at your calendar and decide what can go. If you’d prefer, choose low-key activities that won’t require as much mental or physical energy. And of course, make sure you are getting enough sleep and eating regular meals.

Also, pay attention to your own emotional state. Most likely, you are grieving too, and it can be tempting to set aside your own needs. However, as much as possible, take time to process your own feelings. You could journal, talk with friends, exercise, or get creative to express your grief. By addressing your own feelings, you ensure that you are more emotionally stable when dealing with your child’s grief.

9. Get Help from Your Support Network

Because the holidays are often busy, you may feel pulled in several directions. By asking your support network for help, you give yourself a little breathing room. And when there’s breathing room, there’s more space to actively engage with your child and pay attention to their needs.

In our culture that focuses on independence, it can be hard to ask for help. But oftentimes, people are just waiting for you to tell them how they can help. Call up your best friend or sibling to help bake cookies or take the kids to a movie. Ask a trusted neighbor if the kids can play at their house while you run a few errands. Schedule a babysitter so you can have a little time for yourself during the holiday hustle and bustle. You don’t have to do this alone because people want to help.

10. Look for Signs of Troubled Grief

And lastly, you can support a grieving child by looking for signs of troubled grief. Most children adjust to a loss and move forward, but sometimes, they may need an extra level of support. If your child is exhibiting the following behaviors, consider getting additional help.

Intense feelings of sadness, tiredness, or social withdrawal
Major changes in sleeping or eating habits that have a significant impact on daily life
Inability to talk about the death or appearing to be disconnected from reality
Expressing the desire to hurt themselves
Extreme separation distress or inability to separate from caregivers
Excessive preoccupation with the circumstances of the death
Reckless or risky behaviors, like using drugs, drunk driving, or stealing

Every child grieves differently, and there is no set timeline for grief. However, if any of these behaviors are present six months after the loss of a loved one and are impacting daily routines, consider having your child assessed by a mental health professional who is well-versed in the treatment of childhood grief.

Hopefully, these 10 suggestions will help you create a loving and memorable holiday season for your grieving child. Grief is a journey, not a task to complete. With your steady presence and loving support, your child can honor their loved one’s memory while discovering hope and meaning in the holidays—and beyond.

Nov 15

Love0

Woman in gray sweater holding wrapped gift

Giving Back During the Holiday Season

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss, Memorial

Losing a loved one can lead to feelings of isolation, loneliness, or disconnection, making you feel like you are all alone in your grief experience. That’s one reason why giving back can be so beneficial during times of grief and loss, especially around the holidays. Giving of your time, resources, or talents can break through the fog of grief and give you something positive to focus your energy on. For some, it can lead to championing change or finding an organization that brings you fulfillment and joy.

Woman in gray sweater holding wrapped gift

The holiday season can be particularly difficult following a death because your beloved traditions may not feel the same. Thankfully, it’s also a season full of opportunities to get involved, give back, and help those in need. Let’s talk about some national organizations you could get involved with this holiday season!

Toys for Tots

During the holiday season, many organizations focus on meeting the needs of children and bringing joy to their lives. Toys for Tots has been distributing gifts to children since 1947, and they are still going strong! While you may see Toys for Tots most often around Christmas, you can give to children throughout the year. To learn more about how you can get involved or to find your local chapter, visit their website here.

Operation Christmas Child

If you would like to bring joy to children around the world, consider whether Operation Christmas Child through Samaritan’s Purse would be a good fit for you. With their focus on spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ and caring for children worldwide, you can make a positive difference across the globe with minimal effort on your part. Whether you want to give gifts, pack boxes, or even volunteer with Samaritan’s Purse directly, you can learn more at the Operation Christmas Child website.

Angel Tree

A mission of the Salvation Army, the Angel Tree Program provides new clothing and toys to more than one million children in need every year. More than likely, you’ve seen Angel Trees in places of business in your community. Every tree is full of paper angels, and on each one, you will find a child’s name, their clothing sizes, and a few toy ideas. You can then purchase gifts with that specific child’s needs in mind. For more information about the Angel Tree Program and other Salvation Army programs, visit their website.

Make-A-Wish Foundation

The Make-A-Wish Foundation focuses on fulfilling the wishes of critically ill children and making their dreams come true. When you support this organization, you help grant wishes like going on special trips or meeting a beloved hero or role model. When a child is facing the difficulties of illness and continuous doctor visits, a little joy goes a long way. While the foundation grants wishes all year, the holiday season is a peak season. If you’d like to get involved, go to the Make-A-Wish website here.

St. Jude’s

A leading children’s hospital, St. Jude’s treats the toughest childhood cancers and pediatric diseases. Because families are already going through a tough time, St. Jude’s doesn’t bill them for treatment, travel, housing, or food. Instead, they believe no child should be denied treatment based on their family’s inability to pay. That’s why St. Jude’s fundraises every year, particularly around the holiday season. To help families experiencing medical hardship, visit St. Jude’s website and consider whether you want to support their mission.

Wreaths Across America

If you have a strong love and support for military members, consider getting involved with Wreaths Across America. This organization’s goal is to place a holiday wreath on the graves of as many military members as possible as an act of remembrance. Not only can you sponsor wreaths, but you can also volunteer to place wreaths on graves and personally honor the service and sacrifice of so many. To learn more, visit Wreaths Across America.

Operation Homefront

This caring organization focuses on meeting the short-term financial and physical needs of struggling military families. With many different programs, Operation Homefront seeks to meet needs across many fronts. From veteran housing to holiday meals to school supplies, more than 57,000 requests have been met and fulfilled. If veterans and military families are a passion for you, look over Operation Homefront’s website and decide if they are a good fit for you.

These are just a small sampling of the options that are available to you. So many worthy organizations could benefit from your time, your resources, and your talents. And don’t forget to look at your local options, too!

Support Local Organizations

In addition to these national-level organizations, you can also look into your local community for opportunities to give back and get involved. Here are a few ideas:

Donate funds or goods to your local food bank
Participate in a 5K that benefits a local charity or service
Support your local animal shelter by volunteering to care for the animals
Ask churches what ministries need help and jump in
Research the non-profits in your area to see if any align with your personal passions
Give blood at the local hospital and save lives
Volunteer at your local homeless shelter or halfway house
Talk with local hospitals or nursing homes for volunteer opportunities

And the list goes on! Your community is going to have unique options for getting involved and giving back. With a little research or asking around, you’ll find so many ways that you can make a positive difference.

Young person placing comforting hand on older person's hand, which is resting on a cane at Christmas

As you get involved, find ways to intentionally honor your lost loved one’s memory. Give a donation in their name. Volunteer at a charity that focuses on something they were passionate about. Or simply wear a T-shirt with their name on it. You may even have a chance to talk about your loved one and ensure that their memory lives on. No matter which organizations appeal to you, find a way to give back this holiday season. It can help you focus on the good and find a little joy in the midst of your grief.

For more resources on grieving during the holidays, check out these helpful articles:

Oct 22

Love0

Uniformed military personnel resting hand on flag-draped casket

20 Ideas for Personalizing a Veteran’s Final Tribute

By christy.kessler Educational, Meaningful Funerals, Personalization, Veterans

Honoring a veteran’s life and service goes beyond commemorating their time in the military; it’s about acknowledging their personal sacrifices, valor, and the unique stories that shaped their lives. From their active-duty service days to their veteran years and family memories, a veteran’s life is made up of many different facets. Today, let’s talk about 20 ideas for how you can personalize a beloved veteran’s funeral. These will help you honor and celebrate their military service in a way that is tailored to their one-of-a-kind story.

20 Ideas for Personalizing a Veteran’s Final Tribute

1. Request military honors

One of the most recognized options for honoring a veteran is military honors. This ceremonial option commonly includes the folding and presentation of the flag, playing Taps, and a salute from uniformed personnel. It may also include other elements, but the details can be worked out with a funeral director.

2. Invite guests to attend in uniform

If you expect any current or former service members to attend the final tribute, invite them to wear their uniform. This simple act will be a visual reminder to everyone that your loved one proudly served in the Armed Forces.

3. Choose a venue with significance

If you’d like, you can highlight a veteran’s service by choosing a venue with military significance. For example, have the service in an old USO building or contact the local VFW or American Legion Post to see if they can host. Or, if you choose burial at a national cemetery, you could ask for additional military honors, such as uniformed pallbearers.

4. Incorporate personal keepsakes & memorabilia

Every veteran will have special items and keepsakes associated with their time in military service. You could display awards, medals, challenge coins, patches, or ribbons in a shadow box. Create a uniform display on a table or use a dressmaker’s mannequin. Or you could put together a memory table where photos and keepsakes are shown.

5. Prepare a personalized event program

It’s common practice to create a personalized event program, where the songs, speakers, and other events are clearly outlined for attendees. For a veteran, you could use a patriotic color theme, include photos, and list their rank, awards, and deployments. For the design, you can also add insignia, logos, or the American flag or eagle.

6. Ask fellow veterans to speak during the eulogy

If your veteran was still in touch with old buddies or was involved at the local VFW or American Legion, you could ask fellow veteran friends to speak at the eulogy. With their own history in military service, they may add a unique perspective and highlight your loved one’s time in the miliary.

7. Create a video montage of the veteran’s life

While a video tribute should include every aspect of a person’s life, you can add specific details to commemorate their time in the service. Include photos of the person in uniform or volunteering with local veteran organizations. If available, you could also include video footage of graduations, promotion ceremonies, and other significant military milestones.

8. Decorate with patriotic colors or floral arrangements

Personalization has become the new norm, which means you can decorate the funeral venue with a theme, if you wish. For a veteran, you could use red, white, and blue as the signature colors during the service. Alternatively, you could invite guests to wear these colors or place patriotic floral arrangements in prominent places throughout the venue.

9. Select customized funeral merchandise

The funeral home will offer many types of merchandise, from caskets and urns to guestbooks and memorial jewelry. If you’d like, you can choose items that align with a military theme. For example, select a guestbook or an urn inscribed with the American flag or other military imagery.

10. Design a personalized monument

If you’ve decided to honor a veteran with burial or inurnment at a local cemetery, you can work with a local monument company to design a personalized grave marker. As part of the design, you could include a military medallion, a photo, or the insignia for the veteran’s service branch or unit.

11. Give guests a remembrance token or keepsake

At some funerals, guests are invited to take home a remembrance token or a keepsake. For a veteran, you could design a custom patch or challenge coin. Alternatively, you could create a bookmark with their photo in uniform or give away miniature American flags or pins. There are many options to choose from!

12. Add a timeline of the veteran’s life

Many military families move around, so it’s possible that a veteran has lived in many unique places. To highlight those cities and/or countries, you could add a timeline of the veteran’s life or display a map with pins added for each place they lived. Another option is creating collages or shadow boxes for each location with photos and mementos.

13. Encourage donations to support veteran organizations

For families who prefer not to receive flowers, you could instead encourage guests to give memorial donations to organizations that aid veterans and their families. You could look into local non-profits or direct people to national options, like Wreaths Across America or the Wounded Warrior Project.

14. Play ceremonial and patriotic music

In addition to national songs like “America the Beautiful” and the “Star-Spangled Banner,” every service branch has their own anthem, hymns, and related melodies. For example, the U.S. Navy is closely tied to the famous march “Anchors Aweigh” and the hymn “Eternal Father, Strong to Save.” With a quick online search, you can find the songs most beloved by your veteran’s service branch.

15. Sing patriotic songs together

Hearing many voices raised in song can be a powerful experience. To encourage participation and honor a veteran’s military service, you can invite guests to sing the “Star-Spangled Banner” together. Or you can select another patriotic song that may have special significance to the family or to the person who has died.

16. Arrange for a military band to perform

Another musical option is to arrange for a military band to perform during the service. You could request that they play ceremonial marches, Taps, Amazing Grace, a particular branch’s anthem, or you could leave it up to the band to choose. And if an official military band is not available, perhaps a local one would be willing to step in to perform.

17. Invite comrades-in-arms to participate

If the veteran was in touch with former comrades-in-arms, consider giving them time to share memories and express their respect. By including comrades’ stories, you not only highlight the veteran’s service, but you also create an incredibly moving moment and reinforce the power and camaraderie of bonds formed during service.

18. Read a history of the service branch

For those who are less familiar with the service branches, you could incorporate a short history of the veteran’s chosen branch. You could add the history to the printed program or include a reading on the subject. This practice could be a great way to help others appreciate the history and respect associated with the veteran’s service and dedication.

19. Include patriotic readings

Finally, you could include meaningful poems or quotes that will add an emotional and reflective element to the program. A few popular options to consider are:

“Bivouac of the Dead” by Theodore O’Hara
“The Ultimate Sacrifice” by Kelly Roper
“A Nation’s Strength” by Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Star-Spangled Banner” by Francis Scott Key

20. Customize the funeral procession

If escorting a veteran to their final resting place is planned, you could add a few unique elements to the funeral procession. Provide each car with a small American flag that will rest in a rolled-up window and wave during the drive. Add patriotic streamers to the funeral hearse or ask people to listen to a provided playlist on the drive to the cemetery.

As you can see, there are so many ways to personalize a veteran’s final tribute that pay homage to their commitment and dedication during their time of military service. And if you want to brainstorm other ideas, your funeral director can help!

Don’t Forget to Take Advantage of VA Veteran Burial Benefits

As you plan a beloved veteran’s final goodbye, don’t forget to request all the burial benefits they are eligible to receive. Depending on eligibility, the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs may provide burial allowances, a government-issued headstone or grave marker, burial in a national cemetery, and more. Talk with a funeral director or visit www.va.gov/burials-memorials to look into the details. Additionally, you can browse the resources below for more information.

Oct 15

Love0

Succulent plant next to two blocks that read "Build Resilience"

5 Ways Gratitude Builds Resilience After Loss

By christy.kessler Educational, Grief/Loss

Love brings great joy into our lives, and because of how deeply we love, it can also bring our greatest sadness. After losing a loved one, you may feel lost, adrift, and unsure how to face the future. Thankfully, there are real, practical habits you can use to help you heal. One of those habits is participating in daily gratitude. Research shows that gratitude can help you build resilience, and resilience after loss is essential to moving forward in a healthy and beneficial way.

What is Resilience?

Resilience is your ability to adapt to a stressful situation. Being resilient doesn’t mean you don’t experience pain; it means that you can adapt and cope with the ups and downs of life. Many psychologists believe resilience is comprised of several qualities, including honesty, humility, optimism, empathy, and patience. Each of these traits can help you combat stress, cope with adversity, and bounce back stronger.

How Does Gratitude Build Resilience?

Research shows that gratitude bolsters our emotional resilience by motivating us to focus on the positive things in life. By intentionally looking at the good things, many people find it easier to balance the difficult things. Grief can make you turn inward, and expressing gratitude forces you to get out of your head and focus on the positive happening around you.

Here are 5 ways gratitude builds resilience:

1. Encourages Positive Reframing

Small yellow blocks that show moving from sad to happy

Practicing gratitude is not about minimizing or ignoring the grief you feel. Instead, it’s about reframing your perspective. By taking time each day to identify something positive, you broaden your point of view. Yes, grief is hard, but good still exists. You have lost someone you love, which is devastating and life-altering, but what good things still exist to anchor you? Think about your family, your pets, your friends, your passions, your hobbies, or your volunteer projects. By taking the bad with the good, you can reframe your perspective and build your resilience.

2. Reduces Stress and Anxiety

Young woman in yellow beanie hat and sweater standing calming and peacefully

Grief can bring every kind of emotion – sadness, anger, regret, and even guilt. Each person experiences a loss differently, and sometimes, it can feel very negative. Naturally, difficult emotions aren’t easy, and they may spark feelings of stress and anxiety. But practicing gratitude can help! By taking time to appreciate the good things in your life, you can redirect your thoughts and create a greater sense of peace and calm. And of course, this more relaxed mindset will lead to less stress and anxiety.

3. Improves Mental Health

Mature woman looking serenely out the window of her home

Research shows that giving or receiving gratitude releases dopamine and serotonin, both of which are considered the brain’s “feel-good” chemicals. These positive feelings decrease stress, depression, and anxiety while increasing happiness, calm, and contentment. By practicing gratitude daily, you can strengthen your resilience and positively impact your mental health.

4. Promotes Physical Health

Man and woman exercising outside

For some people, grief brings negative thoughts and emotional turmoil, which, in turn, can affect sleep. By improving your mental health through practicing gratitude, you can improve your sleep. Plus, grateful people are more likely to engage in other positive behaviors, such as regular exercise, eating well, and attending regular medical check-ups. All of these elements come together to create higher resilience and a better you.

5. Enhances Social Connections

Friends sitting together in a home, talking and laughing together

Everyone needs to feel appreciated and seen. By spending time with friends and family and telling them what you appreciate about them, you create an extensive support network. While having people by your side is important in the happy times, it can be even more valuable in the difficult times. When you create positive relationships around you, people tend to reciprocate, creating a cycle of kindness and support. This support is essential to building resilience because you aren’t meant to do life alone. You need loving, supportive people around you.

How Do I Create a Gratitude Habit?

There are so many ways to implement consistent gratitude practices into your life. You can choose what best fits your personality and needs. It doesn’t have to be time-consuming or complicated. It simply needs to be effective, so try out a few ideas to see what works best for you.

Start a Gratitude Journal: With just a few minutes a day, you can start expressing gratitude. Write down three things you’re grateful for and make sure to write something different each day.
Write Gratitude Letters: If there are particular people you’d like to thank, sit down and write them a letter expressing your appreciation. This small act will boost your mood and make the recipient feel valued.
Use an App: There are a lot of great phone apps out there to encourage daily gratitude. Find one that looks good to you and get started right away!
Practice Mindful Gratitude: When you start to feel overwhelmed, take a moment to pause and take a deep breath. Focus on something or someone you’re grateful for. This practice will help you calm your thoughts and bring you back to the present.
Add Gratitude to Your Conversations: Another option is to intentionally add gratitude to your conversations with other people. Whether it’s a family member, coworker, or even a total stranger, telling someone you’re grateful for even the smallest act can strengthen relationships and spread positivity.
Take Gratitude Walks: Being out in nature has a calming and clarifying effect. A few times a week (or more often, if you prefer), go outside to enjoy the sky, the season, and the life around you. As you go, make note of the things you’re grateful for.

Don’t Forget to Pay Attention to Your Own Needs

The more you practice gratitude, the easier it will become. Think about what makes you happy. What nice thing have you done for someone today? And what nice thing has someone done for you? As you cultivate an attitude of gratitude, your resilience will increase. While the difficult will still be difficult, you will have the ability to counteract it with the positive. And that is the definition of resilience.

If you continue to struggle with loss, depression, guilt, heartbreak, or another consuming emotion, don’t be discouraged. Consider speaking with a grief counselor or a mental health professional. While practicing gratitude is incredibly impactful, you may need to pair it with other coping mechanisms. Pay attention to yourself and your needs. Get additional help. In time, your resilience will grow, and your grief will become less sharp. You will always miss the person you’ve lost, but it is possible to see your life transform into something different that’s still good.

christy.kessler

1. Organize a gathering with family and friends

2. Cook their favorite meal

3. Write them a letter

4. Start a birthday tradition

5. Give a memorial donation

6. Visit their final resting place

7. Share a post on social media

8. Participate in their favorite hobby

9. Wear something meaningful for the day

10. Perform random acts of kindness

What is an Arrangement Conference?

What are the Main Objectives?

What Questions Should You Consider in Advance?

What Should You Bring?

Some Final Tips

One Last Thought

Reason #1: “An estate plan is only for senior adults”

Reason #2: “An estate plan is only for the wealthy”

Reason #3: “Estate planning will be too expensive”

Reason #4: “I have plenty of time”

Reason #5: “I don’t need an estate plan”

Reason #6: “I’ve never thought about it”

So, What’s Next?

Further reading on estate planning

11 Reasons Why You Should Start Estate Planning Now

1. Protect Your Minor Children

2. Outline Future Care for Pets

3. Minimize or Prevent Family Disagreements

4. Specify How Your Assets Should Be Distributed

5. Avoid Probate Court and Preserve Privacy

6. Choose a Trusted Estate Executor

7. Manage or Minimize Estate Tax Issues

8. Document your Medical Care Wishes

9. Avoid a Guardianship Appointment

10. Arrange for Charitable Gifts

11. Give Everyone Peace of Mind

Why Is It Important to Plan Now?

Additional Estate Planning Resources

1. Be aware of your emotions

2. Find ways to compromise

3. Choose your words thoughtfully

4. Discover what helps you cope with stress

5. Try to take the higher road

1. Possesses a Good Reputation

2. Employs Caring and Compassionate Staff

3. Communicates a Commitment to Families

4. Expresses a Desire to Create a Meaningful Experience

5. Offers a Good Location and Services

6. Accommodates Religious or Cultural Needs

7. Values Transparency about Costs and Descriptions

8. Offers Grief Resources

9. Utilizes Up-to-Date Technology

10. Engages the Community with Education Programs

1. Create Space for Their Emotions

2. Encourage Open Dialogue and Connection

3. Embrace Moments of Joy

4. Take Time to Remember

5. Maintain Routines with Added Flexibility

6. Allow This Year to Be Different

7. Understand Developmental Perspectives

8. Take Care of Yourself as Caregiver

9. Get Help from Your Support Network

10. Look for Signs of Troubled Grief

Toys for Tots

Operation Christmas Child

Angel Tree

Make-A-Wish Foundation

St. Jude’s

Wreaths Across America

Operation Homefront

Support Local Organizations

20 Ideas for Personalizing a Veteran’s Final Tribute

1. Request military honors

2. Invite guests to attend in uniform

3. Choose a venue with significance

4. Incorporate personal keepsakes & memorabilia

5. Prepare a personalized event program

6. Ask fellow veterans to speak during the eulogy

7. Create a video montage of the veteran’s life