christy.kessler, Author at Funeral Basics

Jul 14

Man placing white rose reverently on top of casket

A Quick Guide to Planning a Funeral

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Planning Tools

Before we start, if you have recently lost a loved one, you have our sincerest sympathies. It is our hope that this quick guide to planning a funeral will help you navigate through the complex process of planning a funeral for a loved one. You will find accurate, up-to-date, and helpful links and information on a variety of topics. Let’s get started!

The “Why” of Funerals

To start off, it’s important to note that in today’s world many people miss out on the purpose and value of a funeral. But saying goodbye in a meaningful way is just as important today as it was thousands of years ago. Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected grief expert who has counseled thousands of families, teaches that the funeral is an important rite of passage and “puts you on the path to good grief and healthy mourning.” To learn more about why funerals are important, take a look at the articles below.

Do Funerals Still Matter?

Why Does the Funeral Matter?

Should a Funeral Be Efficient or Effective?

The 6 Purposes of a Funeral

Final Disposition Options

Nowadays, your options for final disposition (or a final resting place) continue to expand. Please take a moment to read the articles below to help you decide which option is most appropriate for your needs.

Burial FAQs: What Are Your Burial Options?

Answering Your Green Burial Questions

5 Questions to Ask When Selecting a Casket

What Should I Know When Considering Cremation?

Urn Burial: Understanding the Basics

The Elements of a Meaningful Funeral Service

“People who take the time and make the effort to create meaningful funeral arrangements when someone loved dies often end up making new arrangements in their own lives. They remember and reconnect with what is most meaningful to them in life…strengthen bonds with family members and friends. They emerge changed, more authentic and purposeful. The best funerals remind us how we should live.” – Dr. Alan Wolfelt

In order for a funeral service to be a healing and meaningful experience, there are several tried and true elements that you should consider incorporating.

Element #1: Music

Let’s discuss music. It sets the mood for a funeral and brings emotions to the forefront. In fact, one of the purposes of a funeral is to allow mourners to grieve together, and in many ways, music says what words cannot. Don’t be afraid to invite people to express grief. Consider using music that was significant to the lost loved one. What was their favorite genre of music? Did they have a favorite artist or song?

Why Include Special Music in a Funeral Ceremony?

How to Personalize Music at a Funeral

Setting the Tone for a Service: A Collection of Funeral Songs

Element #2: Readings

Readings add another facet to a meaningful funeral. They are a way to not only invite mourners to express their emotions, but readings can bring to life the unique spirit of the one who has died. Did they have a favorite book? Poem? Were they a person of faith who would want passages read?

How do Readings Enhance the Funeral Experience?

How to Personalize Readings at a Funeral

10 Literary Readings for Any Type of Funeral

Top 10 Poems for a Funeral Ceremony

Top 10 Bible Verses for a Celebration of Life Service

Element #3: Viewing/Visitation

The viewing or visitation is a time for family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors to gather and express support and sympathy. The viewing is an opportunity for mourners to see the special person one last time and begin to acknowledge the reality of the death. For many, it is important to physically see the body, and the viewing offers this opportunity. A visitation, which can be paired with a viewing, provides mourners with an opportunity to offer their support and condolences to the grieving family.

Viewing vs. Visitation: What’s the Difference?

How to Personalize the Visitation at a Funeral

3 Reasons to Have a Visitation

Element #4: Eulogy/Remembrance

Fourth, the eulogy may be the single most important aspect of a funeral service. It is the time to acknowledge and affirm the significance of the life lived. With that in mind, take time to share treasured memories, quotes, or even the lost loved one’s favorite jokes. The eulogy, sometimes called the “remembrance” or the “homily,” can be delivered by a clergy person, a family member, or even by a series of people.

8 Tips for Crafting a Eulogy

How to Personalize the Eulogy at a Funeral

11 Mistakes to Avoid When Writing a Eulogy

5 Steps for Writing a Personalized Eulogy with AI

Element #5: Symbols

Symbols, or symbolic acts, offer a focus point for the bereaved as well as a sense of comfort. Common symbols are a cross (or another appropriate religious symbol), flowers, and candles. For example, the act of lighting a candle, planting a memorial tree, and wearing dark clothing are all symbols we utilize.

The Importance of Symbols

How to Personalize Symbols at a Funeral

Element #6: Gathering

The gathering is an opportunity for friends and family to come together after the funeral service to share stories and to support each other. For more benefits of a gathering, take a few moments to read the article below.

What is the Purpose of a Gathering?

How to Personalize the Gathering at a Funeral

Element #7: Actions

By inviting others into action at the funeral service, you engage mourners and invite them to put their grief into motion. Simply put, mourning is the outward expression of our inward grief, so to move others toward healing, it is important to invite them to act.

How Do Actions Help us Heal?

5 Meaningful Actions to Personalize a Funeral

How to Personalize Healing Actions at a Funeral

Choosing a Memorial Service

Some families decide that a memorial service is a more appropriate tribute for their lost loved one. In short, the main difference between a funeral service and a memorial service is the absence of the body. All the other elements of a meaningful and healing service can be incorporated into a memorial service.

7 Tips for Planning a Memorial Service

What’s the Difference Between a Funeral and Memorial Service?

Personalization is Key

Whether you have a funeral service or a memorial service, the event will be more meaningful if it is personalized. By personalizing the service, you honor the unique life of your lost loved one. Moreover, the possibilities for personalization are endless. For a few ideas, read the articles below.

10 Ideas for Making a Funeral More Personal

Practical Ways to Personalize the 7 Elements of a Funeral

How to Personalize the Location of a Funeral

6 Ways to Personalize a Casket

Using Color to Personalize a Service

10 Ways to Use Photos to Personalize a Service

Funeral Procession

Accompanying the body to its final resting place is a time-honored tradition. If your family chooses to continue the tradition, the procession is a way for family, friends, and people in the community driving along the road to acknowledge the value of life and show respect for the one who has died.

What is the Purpose of a Funeral Procession?

Deciding on a Grave Marker

Placing a marker of some kind on a final resting place is important. Not only does it identify the person laid to rest, but it also gives the living a place to go should they desire to visit or mourn the lost loved one.

Quick Guide: Selecting and Installing a Grave Marker

What Should I Write on a Headstone?

6 Ways to Personalize a Memorial Marker

Sympathy Gifts

Sympathy gifts are a thoughtful way for mourners to express their support and condolences to the family of the lost loved one. Flowers have historically been a popular sympathy gift as have meal trains. However, in recent years, donations in memoriam to a favorite charity have risen in popularity.

10 Caring and Creative Sympathy Gifts

Sympathy Gifts You Can Mail

Funeral Etiquette: “In Lieu of Flowers” and Donations

Meal Train Etiquette: Tips for Bringing Food to the Grieving

Writing a Touching Obituary

One of the first things you will do after a loved one dies is write an obituary. You don’t have to be a great writer to beautifully express your love for someone you have lost. To that end, even as you include the expected details, consider how you might add little touches that reflect the individuality of the life lived.

How to Write a Great Obituary

5 Practical Obituary Writing Tips

Writing an Obituary with AI: Dos and Don’ts

Burial Benefits for Veterans

If your lost loved one is a veteran of the Armed Forces, he/she may be eligible for certain burial benefits through the Department of Veterans Affairs. Therefore, you might consider looking into these benefits to see if any of them are beneficial to you and your family.

5 Key Veteran Burial Benefits You Should Know

Top 4 Misunderstandings Around Veterans’ Burial Benefits

Veterans’ Burial Benefits Checklist

Resources for Advance Funeral Planning

Finally, if you are interested in making your own funeral prearrangement plan in advance, or are curious about why you should do so, take a moment to review the articles below.

What to Expect at a Preplanning Appointment

6 Ways You Can Save Money with Funeral Preplanning & Prefunding

How to Get Started with Funeral Preplanning

5 Emotional Benefits to Funeral Preplanning

How Preplanning Eases Emotional, Financial & Legal Burdens After a Death

Hopefully you have found all the information you need in this guide to planning a funeral. If you have additional questions, reach out to your preferred funeral home and speak with a funeral director. They can ensure that your questions and concerns are addressed quickly and accurately.

Jul 12

Love0

Wooden urn with cross on top, surrounded by purple flowers

Water-Based & Flame-Based Cremation: What’s the Difference?

By christy.kessler Cremation, Explore Options, Plan Ahead

For decades, flame-based cremation has been the norm across the country, but in recent years, a new form of cremation has begun to spread – water-based cremation. With this new option, you may have questions. How does water-based cremation work? How is it different from flame-based cremation? Is there a cost difference? What about the environmental impact? Today, let’s discuss the key differences between these two forms of cremation so you feel better prepared to make decisions when the time comes.

Let’s Define Both Forms of Cremation

In general, cremation is the process of breaking down the soft tissue of the body, leaving behind only the skeleton. This remaining bone is then processed through specialized equipment that creates a fine consistency commonly called “ashes” (or “cremains”). Regardless of which form of cremation is chosen, the end result is that a loved one’s ashes will be returned to the family with respect and dignity.

Flame-Based Cremation

Also called “fire cremation,” “traditional cremation,” or just “cremation,” flame-based cremation uses heat and direct flame to reduce the body to ashes. The body is placed in a cremation retort where natural gases, such as propane or butane, are used to burn the body for approximately 2-4 hours.

Temperatures often reach 1,400-1,800 degrees Fahrenheit, and the crematory operator may use a long shovel to reposition the body throughout the cremation process. This repositioning ensures that the body reduces more quickly.

Once the cremation process is complete, the remaining bone is removed from the cremation retort and processed into ashes using a cremulator. The ashes are then returned to the family, who can have a memorial service, place the ashes in a final resting place, or take them home.

Water-Based Cremation

Water-based cremation also goes by other names, such as “water cremation,” “aquamation,” “alkaline hydrolysis,” or “bio-cremation.” Water cremation uses a combination of water and alkali salts in conjunction with low heat to reduce the human body to bone.

To begin, the body is placed in a completely sealed chamber. Then, approximately 27 gallons (100 liters) of water and a small amount of alkaline chemicals are used to fill the chamber. Once filled, the chamber is gently heated (200-350 degrees Fahrenheit) and agitated to encourage decomposition. Over the next 4-16 hours, the soft tissue of the body is dissolved and all that remains is bone. (The range of 4-16 hours depends on the temperature and pressure used by the crematory operator.)

As with flame-based cremation, the bones are then finely processed into ashes and returned to the family. The remaining liquid byproduct is sterile, so it can be discarded easily and safely.

Next, Let’s Talk about Environmental Impact

As with any form of final disposition (burial, water cremation, fire cremation, burial at sea, etc.), there’s going to be some form of impact on the environment.

Flame-Based Cremation & the Environment

Between the two, flame-based cremation does impact the environment more. The use of larger amounts of propane/butane to achieve high heat releases carbon dioxide into the environment. Also, other pollutants, like the mercury from dental fillings, can contaminate the air. While newer technologies and facilities have been put in place to capture and filter out mercury, it’s still possible that emissions will occur.

One way to reduce the emissions released by flame-based cremation is to use an alternative container (made of cardboard) instead of a casket during the cremation process. It takes more energy and fuel to burn the casket in comparison to an alternative container. To learn more about cremation caskets, read “A Quick Guide to Cremation Caskets.”

Water-Based Cremation & the Environment

With water-based cremation, greenhouse gases are still released into the environment, but on a smaller scale. By using less energy and lower temperatures, water cremation produces fewer of these types of emissions. Additionally, there’s no risk that pollutants will be released into the atmosphere. For example, the alkaline mixture effectively neutralizes and captures any mercury present in the body. Also, medical implants can be recycled, when possible.

Now that you have a better understanding of each cremation process and its individual impact on the environment, let’s talk through several other differences.

Is there a Cost Difference?

Yes, there is a cost difference. At this time, fire cremation is generally more affordable because many funeral homes already have access to the equipment and infrastructure needed. Because water-based cremation takes longer and requires equipment that may not be readily available in your area, it typically costs more.

In the coming years, as water cremation becomes more accessible, the cost may align more closely with flame cremation. If you are interested in water cremation, speak with your preferred funeral home. You can compare the costs of the two types before choosing how you’d like to proceed.

What Alkaline Chemicals are Used in Water Cremation?

The solution used is water (95%) blended with an alkali solution of potassium hydroxide and/or sodium hydroxide. Potassium hydroxide and sodium hydroxide accelerate the natural decomposition process that would occur in soil over many years.

Is there a Difference in the Ashes Received by the Family?

There is! With flame-based cremation, ashes are often gray or gray-white in color, coarser to the touch, and may contain visible bone fragments. The intense heat causes chemical changes in the bone’s composition, which results in the gray color and coarse texture.

Due to the lower temperatures and alkaline solution used, the bone goes through a more consistent breakdown with water cremation. Consequently, the ashes are whiter in color and smoother in texture.

Despite the visual differences, both types of ashes are composed of the same material: calcium phosphate. The fundamental composition is so similar that both types of remains can be handled, stored, and memorialized in identical ways.

What is the Availability for Each Form of Cremation?

Flame-based cremation has been an accepted practice for many years and is readily accessible and available in all states. On the other hand, water cremation is relatively new and not available in all states. However, given time, water cremation may become as prevalent as fire cremation. Click here to learn your state’s stance on water cremation.

What’s Next?

Now that you understand the differences, the next questions to ask yourself are: What’s my preference? Is it available at my preferred funeral home or in my state/area?

The best person to help you understand your local options is your trusted funeral professional! Both cremation methods come with pros and cons, and meeting with a funeral professional can make all the difference. They can help you evaluate and understand the choices available so you can make an informed decision that aligns with your values and meets your needs.

Jun 03

Love0

Woman wearing black clothing holding bouquet of white chrysanthemums

Funeral Flowers Around the World

By christy.kessler Educational, Grief/Loss, Memorial

For millennia, flowers have been a universal representation of love, life, and loss. In many cultures, funeral flowers carry deep-rooted and cherished significance. They create a soothing atmosphere, evoke positive emotions, create connections, and convey messages of love and support. Today, let’s discuss several prominent funeral flowers around the world and why they may be more culturally significant in one area of the world than another.

White lily on black background

White Lilies

In many cultures, the white lily is commonly used for funerals. These trumpet-shaped blooms represent purity, innocence, peace, and the resurrection of the soul. Because of their close association with the soul, white lilies are often seen at religious ceremonies and other commemorative events in Western, Latin American, and Asian cultures. A traditional choice for funerals since ancient times, the lily is fitting for a time of reflection and mourning.

Bouquet of red roses with glimpse of green stems

Roses

Roses are practically synonymous with profound love. In Latin American and Western cultures, any color rose can be offered as a remembrance after a loved one’s death, though red and white are perhaps the most common. However, in some Asian cultures, the color red represents celebration and happiness, and because of that, red roses are inappropriate for a funeral. They use white instead for its connection to purity and reverence.

Marigolds in clay vase against wooden wall

Marigold (Cempoalxochitl)

Perhaps most well-known for its use during Dia de Los Muertos in Mexico, the marigold is considered the “flower of the dead.” Its color and fragrance are thought to guide the souls of the deceased back to the world of the living, where family and friends leave offerings to pay their respects. The bright, cheery color celebrates life instead of focusing on the bitterness of death. Additionally, the marigold is essential to Hindu funerals because it symbolizes the cycle of life and death, guiding the soul to its next incarnation.

Woman wearing black clothing holding bouquet of white chrysanthemums

Chrysanthemum

In many Asian cultures, the lovely chrysanthemum is closely associated with death and funerals. These delicate plants convey grief, lamentation, respect for the deceased, and condolence for the family. White and yellow are considered the most suitable colors. The chrysanthemum may also be used in Western culture funerals, though there’s less emphasis on specific colors. Instead, you can include chrysanthemums of any shade at a loved one’s final tribute.

Jasmine

While flowers are used more sparingly in Middle Eastern funerals, jasmine and white lilies are often considered acceptable choices. Jasmine is associated with death, remembrance, spiritual realms, and the afterlife. Some families may use the strong, sweet fragrance to scent their homes. Other families will leave the flowers at the grave to offer respect to the departed. Middle Eastern cultures often focus more on spiritual connection through prayers, but there is still room for personal expression through floral arrangements.

Lei

Hawaii is well-known for its use of the lei for many occasions. One of these occasions is the funeral, where the lei is used to express condolences and respect for the deceased and their family. In Hawaii, the lei represents love, respect, and the circle of life and may be worn by guests, draped over photos or the casket/urn, or set out to decorate the funeral service area. In some cases, the lei may be thrown out into the ocean, symbolizing the release of a loved one’s spirit. Various types of leis can be used, including maile, ti leaf, and orchid leis.

King Protea

The national flower of South Africa, the King Protea symbolizes strength, resilience, and the enduring nature of life. The flower’s ability to survive harsh conditions created a cultural connection to overcoming adversity and embracing the future. Because of its deep roots in South African culture, the artichoke-like flower is often used at funerals. It gives mourners a way to express their love and care for a lost loved one in a way that is uniquely suited to South African traditions.

Flowers are used all over the world to convey sympathy, respect, and remembrance. If you are selecting flowers for a culture that is not your own, consider asking which flowers would be appropriate. For example, flowers are not part of the Jewish funeral tradition. Because of that, they wouldn’t be the best choice for paying respects and supporting the grieving family. When in doubt, ask someone who knows, like a family member, friend, or even the funeral director.

If you’d like to learn more about funeral flowers, check out 7 Popular Sympathy Flowers and Their Meanings and Gifting Sympathy Flowers: A Practice that Goes Back Millennia.

May 23

Love0

5 Ways to Support a Grieving Dad on Father’s Day

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss, Helping a Friend in Grief, Seasonal

While every day after the loss of a loved one can be hard, it’s the special days and holidays that present a unique struggle. For dads who have lost a child, Father’s Day can be especially difficult. While men are stereotypically and societally encouraged to bottle their emotions and “be strong,” this attitude really isn’t helpful in life or on the grief journey. In fact, it can be detrimental. So, even if a grieving dad seems okay, grief can surge on a day centered around parent-child relationships, and many dads may struggle with expressing themselves or allowing their grief to be seen.

If you know a dad who has experienced child loss, here are a few ways you can support him on Father’s Day:

1. Encourage him to express himself

Man walking alone outside on a paved walkway with trees and green grass

Sometimes, getting a man to talk about his feelings is difficult. The stiff-upper-lip, “men don’t cry” mentality has so deeply permeated their sense of self that it feels awkward and uncomfortable to share what they are thinking and feeling. Despite that, encourage grieving dads to express what’s on their mind and heart.

If they can’t speak it out loud to another person, maybe they can write it down on paper, visit the child’s final resting place, or take a walk alone and speak aloud to themselves or to God. Getting those emotions – both positive and negative – outside of self is a necessary and helpful part of the grieving process.

2. Invite him out for a break

Three men out to dinner on Father's Day

Some dads may throw themselves back into work and routine as a means of moving forward after the loss of a child. This action not only keeps them busy, but it may also provide a way to avoid facing the grief they feel. While routine is good and financially taking care of your living family members is necessary, it’s not a replacement for doing the work of grief.

If you are close to a grieving dad, encourage him to take a break. He’s probably been running himself ragged, trying to keep his personal, professional, and emotional lives in balance. Invite him out for a round of pool, trivia night, dinner and a movie, or whatever suits his interests. Finding something positive to do on Father’s Day may add a little sunshine to an otherwise difficult day.

(Note: You could invite him out the day before or after Father’s Day if he’d prefer to spend the actual day with his family.)

3. Acknowledge that he’s a dad

Three generations of a family; grandfather, father, uncle, and son; Father's Day

If a dad has lost his only child or the baby died before birth or soon after, he is still a dad! He still loves his child, his fatherly role is still part of his identity, and his child’s memory lives on. Acknowledging that he was a great dad and his child’s life mattered can be a huge encouragement.

When you talk to him, whether in person, over the phone, or through text, don’t avoid mentioning Father’s Day, his child, or his life as a dad. By remembering him and his identity as a father, you can show him that you care and that he and his child are not forgotten.

4. Provide practical support

Two men working on a lawn mower; friend offering practical help

While sympathy flowers and other gifts are nice, sometimes what grieving people really need is practical support. Many dads may feel the need to immediately take on their usual household tasks and even add extra things to the to-do list, which may leave them feeling overwhelmed.

By offering practical help, you can alleviate some of that burden. Every family divvies up chores and responsibilities differently, but here are a few examples. Does the lawn need to be mowed and the bushes trimmed? Offer to do one while he does the other. Does the garage need to be organized or the car’s oil changed? Suggest that you take a couple of these responsibilities off his plate to allow him time to spend with his family or to simply rest. No matter how small it may seem, this practical support can make a big difference.

5. Call, text, or send a card

Man talking on phone to a grieving friend; wife sitting on couch in background

Another way to support your grieving friend is to call him, text him, or send him a thoughtful Father’s Day card. These options are especially helpful if you can’t be with him in person or if he wishes to spend the day alone or only with family. You can share stories or memories of his child, mention the child by name, ask how he’s doing, and let him know that you’re thinking of him. Most importantly, avoid cliches and platitudes that do more harm than good.

If you send a text, consider adding “No need to respond” to your message. Texts come with a lot of pressure for a quick response, and this small addition takes the pressure off and allows him to respond if he’s up to it. He’ll still know you’re thinking of him on what is likely a difficult day.

No matter what you decide to do to support your grieving friend, listen to his needs and respect them. He may accept what you’re offering, and he may not. Don’t take it personally. Even if he just wants to be alone on Father’s Day, knowing you cared enough to check on him will bring comfort and make him feel seen.

May 11

Love0

Elderly mother and adult daughter with hands on mother's heart

6 Ways Hospice Care Can Improve Quality of Life

By christy.kessler Educational, Hospice

If you have been diagnosed with a terminal illness, choosing hospice care may feel like giving up. But in so many ways, it’s not about giving up; it’s about taking back control and improving quality of life so that the final days are the best they can possibly be – for you and your loved ones.

Research shows that hospice care not only improves quality of life, but it also extends the length of life. In two separate studies, results found that patients who received hospice care lived 1-3 months longer, felt happier, and were more mobile. But how does hospice care do that? What services do hospice workers provide that improve quality of life? Let’s talk about it.

6 Ways Hospice Care Can Improve Quality of Life

Older woman in wheelchair sitting outside with hospice nurse, taking medication and enjoying outdoors

1. Symptom Management

The first focus of hospice care is pain and symptom management. Pain negatively affects quality of life, so if you can manage it, quality of life goes up quickly. Hospice teams are skilled in managing pain through medication, physical therapy, as well as other techniques. Regular visits from the hospice team will not only keep any discomfort down, but they also often prevent the need for emergency hospital visits. This means you can rest more fully and stay in the comfort of your own home.

2. Emotional & Spiritual Support

In addition to addressing physical needs, hospice care also provides resources for emotional and spiritual support. As human beings, we are so much more than a body – we are spiritual, emotional, and psychological. When you request hospice care, you gain access to chaplains and other advisors who are available to help you and your family cope with the challenges of a terminal illness and the grief that comes along with it. This form of counseling can reduce stress, anxiety, and emotional pain, leading to a better quality of life.

3. Education on What to Expect

For so many of us, the unknown is daunting and scary, which can cause some unpleasant emotions like fear or anxiety. But by learning what to expect, you can take some of the fear out of a difficult situation. If you’d like, the hospice care team is available to help you understand disease progression and what to expect in the coming months. This knowledge will help you process what’s happening to your body and prepare for what’s to come. Though it seems counterintuitive, having this information can reduce the stress you feel and improve overall quality of life.

4. Practical, At-Home Assistance

When you’re not feeling well, the practical, day-to-day tasks can sometimes become much harder to accomplish. The hospice care team can ensure that you and your home continue to be cared for throughout your illness. They will assist with your personal care (hygiene, baths), household tasks (preparing meals, cleaning), and if you’d like, they can also assist with financial planning or advance funeral planning. By allowing the hospice team to take care of the practical things, your ability to remain at home increases, and being in a comfortable, familiar place improves quality of life.

5. Support for Caregiving Relatives

In addition to a hospice care team, you may also have close family members acting as caregivers during your illness. These loving caregivers also administer medication, help with personal care, and take care of the home. But sometimes, caregiving can be overwhelming, and family caregivers may need a break. That’s completely normal and expected. When you sign up for hospice care, respite care becomes an option for caregivers. This short-term assistance gives caregivers a few days to recharge or take care of their own personal needs. When your caregivers feel refreshed, your quality of life improves, too.

6. More Family Time

The more hands you have helping, the more time you have for other things. If your loved ones are acting as your sole caregivers, they may feel torn between taking care of the daily necessities and simply sitting with you and absorbing every minute. With a hospice team on your side, your caregiving family members don’t have as many responsibilities. This means you can spend more time just being together, which is something all of you need during this time of illness and transition. No one ever wishes they’d spent more time working – they wish they’d spent more time with family and the people who matter most.

As you can see, hospice care looks at the whole person – physical, spiritual, emotional, mental. And by offering a variety of services, hospice care workers not only improve your quality of life, but they also assist you and those closest to you with deep compassion and kindness.

For more information about hospice care, check out these resources:

Understanding the 7 Basics Hospice Services
Who Qualifies for Hospice Care?
Deciding How to Pay for Hospice Care
Do You Know the Four Levels of Hospice Care?
4 Places Where You Can Receive Hospice Care
The Ins and Outs of Hospice Respite Care
6 Signs that It’s Time to Consider Hospice Care

Apr 20

Love0

Two people clasping hands in comfort and grief

Grieving the “Firsts” After a Loss

By christy.kessler AfterCare, Grief/Loss

The first year without a loved one can be very difficult, especially as precious milestones approach. The first Valentine’s Day without them. First birthday. Christmas. The anniversary of their passing. Each of these “firsts” will be difficult in its own way.

Two people clasping hands in comfort and grief

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a noted grief counselor, author, and educator, affirms that our grief journeys are as unique as we are. “In life, everyone grieves. But their grief journeys are never the same. Despite what you may hear, you will do the work of mourning in your own special way. Be careful about comparing your experience with that of other people. Also, do not adopt assumptions about how long your grief should last. Just consider taking a ‘one-day-at-a-time’ approach. Doing so allows you to mourn at your own pace.”

If you are facing the “firsts” after the loss of a loved one, here are a few ideas to help you navigate through the emotional days ahead.

1. Plan ahead if you can.

As a special day or milestone approaches, consider what you will need to get through the day. Plan ahead and decide if you need to take the day off to rest and reflect. You may also wish to do something special or meaningful to honor your loved one’s memory. Or you may want to go to a special place or gather with certain people on that day. A little advance planning can make the day more peaceful and contemplative.

2. Find a way to celebrate and remember your lost loved one.

The hardest part about a day that is special to you is if no one else seems to remember. No matter what the particular day may be, if it’s significant to you and your lost loved one, do something to remember, to celebrate, to commemorate, to honor.

Take flowers to the gravesite, look through old photos and videos, light a candle, or write a letter. At Thanksgiving or Christmas, you can serve their favorite dish and start calling it by their name – Nana’s mashed potatoes or Joe’s green bean casserole. You can also sing your loved one’s favorite Christmas carols or put a remembrance ornament on your tree. All of these are simple ways to express your grief outwardly. The outward expression of grief will help bring peace and healing on a difficult day.

3. Reinvent the day and bring hope to a day of sadness.

Another option is to reinvent the days that bring you pain. For example, on the anniversary of your loved one’s death, do something that would have delighted them. If they loved to fish, maybe you and your family could spend a day at the lake, taking time to share cherished stories. On your first Valentine’s Day without your loved one, you might treat yourself to a dinner out or eat a meal with others who have lost a significant other.

This same principle can be applied to any special day. Look for ways to reinvent the day and make it something new, something meaningful and healing, something intentional and beautiful. Changing routines and focusing on what brings you joy and peace, even temporarily, can help you get through a difficult day or season.

4. Give back to meaningful causes.

As part of their grief journey, some people choose to run a fundraiser via social media supporting a cause that helped their loved one, such as the Alzheimer’s Association, the American Cancer Society, nonprofit hospitals, or other significant causes.

If your loved one adored animals, you may decide to give a donation in their name to a local rescue. Another idea would be to volunteer your time at a non-profit that cares for animals. If they valued children, give back to local or international programs that focus on assisting kids. You may even sign up for a race or a walk that raises funds for a special cause.

Some people become so passionate about a cause after losing a loved one that they establish their own non-profit organizations in memory of the person who died. Whatever you decide to do, giving back is one way you can pay it forward to others and carry on your loved one’s legacy. Though your loved one is gone, their legacy lives on through you.

Healing Traditions Bring Hope and Reconciliation

The possibilities for honoring a loved one on a special day are virtually endless. It all depends on what speaks to you. What makes you feel close to the one you have lost? What were their favorite things? Once you discover what comforts your heart, do it year after year, until it’s either a beloved tradition or you feel that you can stop. As Dr. Wolfelt assures us, each grief journey is different. No two are the same. Do what works for you and brings you peace.

In truth, we never really get over our grief; we become reconciled to it. We find a new way to live because the old way is gone forever. As Dr. Wolfelt puts it, “You will find that as you achieve reconciliation, the sharp, ever-present pain of grief will give rise to a renewed sense of meaning and purpose. Your feelings of loss will not completely disappear, yet they will soften, and the intense pangs of grief will become less frequent. Hope for a continued life will emerge as you are able to make commitments to the future, realizing that the person you have given love to and received love from will never be forgotten. The unfolding of this journey is not intended to create a return to an ‘old normal’ but the discovery of a ‘new normal.’”

In time, you will find your “new normal.” But for now, grieve. Cry. Remember. And eventually, if you allow it, reconciliation will come. May you find the peace and reconciliation you are seeking.

Apr 16

Love0

Spray of white flowers resting on a casket covered in an American flag

Test Your Knowledge about Veterans’ Burial Benefits

By christy.kessler Plan Ahead, Veterans

Among veterans, there are a lot of misconceptions about veterans’ burial benefits. How much does the VA pay toward a veteran’s funeral? Which benefits is my spouse eligible to receive? What are the eligibility requirements?

This confusion is understandable. Most service men and women don’t really get a good explanation of what burial benefits they are eligible for due to their service in the Armed Forces. Some veterans assume they know what they will receive, and they plan based on misconceptions. Unfortunately, at the time of death, these misconceptions can make a difficult time even more complicated for surviving family members.

Today, take a moment to test your knowledge of veterans’ benefits by reviewing the questions below.

Spray of white flowers resting on a casket covered in an American flag

Will the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) pay for a veteran’s funeral in full?

No, the VA will not pay for a veteran’s funeral in full. This applies to both cremation services and traditional funerals. However, the VA does provide a specified amount, called a burial allowance. The burial allowance amount varies based on several factors, including whether or not the death was service-related, if the veteran was hospitalized at the VA, when the death occurred, and where the veteran has chosen to be buried.

Am I automatically eligible for burial benefits simply because I was once in the Armed Forces?

No, there are eligibility requirements that a veteran must meet to qualify for burial and funeral benefits.

Will my family receive funds from the government in advance of the funeral?

In most cases, your family will receive a reimbursement from the VA. Your family should keep track of all receipts and submit them, along with an application, to the VA. Once the application is processed and approved, your family will receive the determined reimbursement.

Bugler in uniform saluting in a national cemetery

Are there cases where the VA pays nothing toward a veteran’s funeral?

Yes. A veteran is not eligible for standard burial benefits if they 1) received a dishonorable discharge, 2) died during active military service (where different regulations apply), 3) were a member of Congress and died while holding office, or 4) were a federal prisoner.

If a spouse predeceases the veteran, can that spouse be buried at a national cemetery?

As a matter of fact, yes, the spouse can (this must be a legal spouse and does not apply to any former spouses). This benefit applies to a living veteran’s dependents as well.

Who is eligible for burial in a national cemetery?

With some restrictions and eligibility requirements:

Veterans and members of the Armed Forces (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, Coast Guard, Space Force)
Members of Reserve Components and Reserve Officers’ Training Corps
Commissioned Officers from both the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration and the Public Health Service
World War II Merchant Mariners
Some Philippine Armed Forces veterans
Spouses and dependents of veterans
Parents of veterans
Others who receive specific approval from the Secretary of Veterans Affairs

Can you reserve a national cemetery gravesite in advance?

You cannot select a specific gravesite plot, but your family can complete advance funeral planning arrangements. The benefit to advance planning is that when the death occurs, the VA merely re-verifies any previously submitted documentation. The surviving family does not need to contact the VA directly, but instead, can work in partnership with their chosen funeral home to plan a meaningful service.

What does the VA provide for veterans buried in a national cemetery?

Burial in any open VA national cemetery is available to eligible veterans. This includes, at no cost to the family:

Opening/closing of the grave
A grave liner
Perpetual care of the gravesite
Headstone or marker

Additionally, veterans are also eligible for a burial flag and the Presidential Memorial Certificate.

Folded American flag sitting on a closed casket

What does the VA provide for veterans buried in a private cemetery?

Eligible veterans may receive a burial allowance as well as a government-issued headstone (or marker or medallion), a burial flag, and a Presidential Memorial Certificate. However, any spouses or dependents buried in a private cemetery receive no benefits.

Does the VA pay for cremation services?

Not specifically, but they do provide a burial allowance for eligible families. The family pays for any funeral costs (including embalming, a memorial service, a casket or an urn, etc.) at their own expense. Then, the family can apply for the burial allowance reimbursement to help toward the overall cost, if eligible.

Both cremated and casketed remains buried or inurned at a national cemetery receive the same honors. As with a traditional funeral, the VA will provide a space for burial or inurnment, perpetual care, a marker, a burial flag, and a Presidential Memorial Certificate.

Does the VA provide burial at sea?

No, they do not, but you can contact the United States Navy Mortuary Affairs office toll-free at 1-833-330-6622 with questions.

Six American flags waving in the breeze against a blue sky

What is the Avenue of Flags?

In some national cemeteries, the Avenue of Flags (or the Avenue of Remembrance) is an everyday feature, while in others, it is reserved for special days of the year (like Veterans Day or Memorial Day). Flags upon flags line the main pathways of the cemetery, each one representing and honoring a life lived in service to the United States.

In many cases, the flags flying are burial flags. On the day of a veteran’s funeral, the family receives a burial flag, and some families choose to donate the flag to the cemetery to honor their loved one’s memory. The flags create a solemn and reverent atmosphere for those who served our country well. Contact the national cemetery of your choice to ask questions about donating a flag.

How many answers did you get correct? Hopefully, you’ve learned something you didn’t know and can adjust your plans with that knowledge.

For more information about veterans’ burial benefits, check out the resources below.

5 Key Veteran Burial Benefits You Should Know
Everything You Need to Know About Government-Issued Veteran Headstones
A State-by-State Guide to National Cemeteries for Veterans
Veterans’ Burial Benefits Checklist
Top 4 Misunderstandings Around Veterans’ Burial Benefits
Why Should Veterans Plan Ahead?

Mar 24

Love0

Large, beautiful tree in a national cemetery

A State-by-State Guide to National Cemeteries for Veterans

By christy.kessler Cemeteries, Explore Options, Plan Ahead, Veterans

Did you know that many veterans and their dependents are eligible for free burial in a national cemetery? It’s true! While there are eligibility requirements, the National Cemetery Administration maintains 156 national cemeteries in 42 states and Puerto Rico. If you are interested in burial or inurnment at a national cemetery, it’s a very real option for you!

A Few Things to Keep in Mind

Here are a few things to keep in mind if you decide to pursue this veteran benefit:

In order to qualify, you must meet the VA’s eligibility requirements and only eligible dependents (such as a spouse) may be considered for burial in a national cemetery.
Your preferred cemetery may not have space available. If that’s the case, reach out to secondary locations or look into a state veterans cemetery instead. Your chosen funeral director can help you better understand the options available to you.
Some national cemeteries are closed to new interments unless you are related to a veteran or spouse already buried there. For example, if your veteran spouse is already buried there, you as the dependent spouse can request burial in the same cemetery even if it’s not open to new interments. The cemetery may not be able to accommodate you, but it doesn’t hurt to ask. In many cases, they can accommodate.
There are several states currently without a national cemetery. They are Connecticut, Delaware, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, and Vermont. New national cemeteries are currently under construction in Utah and Nevada, and each one will be the first national cemetery in its state.

With this information in mind, here’s a listing of the national cemeteries across the United States that are still open to new interments. If you are interested in funeral preplanning, the VA can work with you and your chosen funeral home to get your plans in place.

National Cemeteries Across the United States

Prescott National Cemetery – Prescott, AZ (cremation only)

Arkansas

Fayetteville National Cemetery – Fayetteville, AR

Fort Smith National Cemetery – Fort Smith, AR

California

Bakersfield National Cemetery – Arvin, CA

Los Angeles National Cemetery – Los Angeles, CA (cremation only)

Miramar National Cemetery – San Diego, CA

Riverside National Cemetery – Riverside, CA

Sacramento Valley National Cemetery – Dixon, CA

San Joaquin Valley National Cemetery – Santa Nella, CA

Colorado

Fort Logan National Cemetery – Denver, CO

Fort Lyon National Cemetery – Las Animas, CO

Pikes Peak National Cemetery – Colorado Springs, CO

Florida

Barrancas National Cemetery – Pensacola, FL

Bay Pines National Cemetery – St. Petersburg, FL (cremation only)

Cape Canaveral National Cemetery – Mims, FL

Florida National Cemetery – Bushnell, FL

Jacksonville National Cemetery – Jacksonville, FL

Sarasota National Cemetery – Sarasota, FL

South Florida National Cemetery – Lake Worth, FL

Tallahassee National Cemetery – Tallahassee, FL

Georgia

Georgia National Cemetery – Canton, GA

Hawaii

National Memorial Cemetery of the Pacific – Honolulu, HI

Idaho

Snake River Canyon National Cemetery – Buhl, ID

Illinois

Abraham Lincoln National Cemetery – Elwood, IL

Camp Butler National Cemetery – Springfield, IL

Danville National Cemetery – Danville, IL

Fort Sheridan National Cemetery – Sheridan, IL (cremation only)

Mound City National Cemetery – Mound City, IL

Rock Island National Cemetery – Rock Island, IL

Indiana

Crown Hill National Cemetery Annex – Indianapolis, IN (cremation only)

Marion National Cemetery – Marion, IN

New Albany National Cemetery – New Albany, IN (cremation only)

Iowa

Keokuk National Cemetery – Keokuk, IA

Kansas

Fort Leavenworth National Cemetery – Fort Leavenworth, KS (cremation only)

Fort Scott National Cemetery – Fort Scott, KS

Leavenworth National Cemetery – Leavenworth, KS

Kentucky

Camp Nelson National Cemetery – Nicholasville, KY

Lebanon National Cemetery – Lebanon, KY

Mill Springs National Cemetery – Nancy, KY

Louisiana

Louisiana National Cemetery – Zachary, LA

Port Hudson National Cemetery – Zachary, LA (cremation only)

Maine

Acadia National Cemetery – Jonesboro, ME

Maryland

Baltimore National Cemetery – Baltimore, MD (cremation only)

Massachusetts

Massachusetts National Cemetery – Bourne, MA

Michigan

Fort Custer National Cemetery – Augusta, MI

Great Lakes National Cemetery – Holly, MI

Minnesota

Fort Snelling National Cemetery – Minneapolis, MN

Mississippi

Biloxi National Cemetery – Biloxi, MS

Corinth National Cemetery – Corinth, MS

Natchez National Cemetery – Natchez, MS

Missouri

Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery – St. Louis, MO

Springfield National Cemetery – Springfield, MO

Montana

Yellowstone National Cemetery – Laurel, MT

Nebraska

Fort McPherson National Cemetery – Maxwell, NE

Omaha National Cemetery – Omaha, NE

Nevada

Elko National Cemetery – Elko, NV (currently unavailable; under construction)

New Jersey

Finn’s Point National Cemetery – Pennsville, NJ (cremation only)

New Mexico

Fort Bayard National Cemetery – Fort Bayard, NM

Santa Fe National Cemetery – Santa Fe, NM

New York

Bath National Cemetery – Bath, NY

Calverton National Cemetery – Calverton, NY

Gerald B.H. Solomon Saratoga National Cemetery – Schuylerville, NY

Long Island National Cemetery – Farmingdale, NY (cremation only)

St. Albans National Cemetery – Queens, NY (currently unavailable; under construction)

Western New York National Cemetery – Corfu, NY

Woodlawn National Cemetery – Elmira, NY (cremation only)

North Carolina

Salisbury National Cemetery – Salisbury, NC

North Dakota

Fargo National Cemetery – Harwood, ND

Ohio

Dayton National Cemetery – Dayton, OH

Ohio Western Reserve National Cemetery – Seville, OH

Oklahoma

Fort Gibson National Cemetery – Fort Gibson, OK

Fort Sill National Cemetery – Elgin, OK

Oregon

Eagle Point National Cemetery – Eagle Point, OR

Fort Stevens National Cemetery – Hammond, OR

Roseburg National Cemetery – Roseburg, OR

Willamette National Cemetery – Portland, OR

Pennsylvania

Indiantown Gap National Cemetery – Annville, PA

National Cemetery of the Alleghenies – Bridgeville, PA

Washington Crossing National Cemetery – Newtown, PA

Puerto Rico

Puerto Rico National Cemetery – Bayamon, PR (cremation only)

Morovis National Cemetery – Morovis, PR

South Carolina

Beaufort National Cemetery – Beaufort, SC

Florence National Cemetery – Florence, SC

Fort Jackson National Cemetery – Columbia, SC

South Dakota

Black Hills National Cemetery – Sturgis, SD

Tennessee

Chattanooga National Cemetery – Chattanooga, TN

Knoxville National Cemetery – Knoxville, TN (cremation only)

Memphis National Cemetery – Memphis, TN (cremation only)

Mountain Home National Cemetery – Mountain Home, TN

Nashville National Cemetery – Madison, TN (cremation only)

Texas

Dallas-Fort Worth National Cemetery – Dallas, TX

Fort Bliss National Cemetery – El Paso, TX

Fort Sam Houston National Cemetery – San Antonio, TX

Houston National Cemetery – Houston, TX

San Antonio National Cemetery – San Antonio, TX (cremation only)

Utah

Southern Utah National Cemetery – Cedar City, UT (currently unavailable; under construction)

Virginia

Culpeper National Cemetery – Culpeper, VA

Danville National Cemetery – Danville, VA (cremation only)

National Memorial Cemetery at Quantico – Triangle, VA

Washington

Tahoma National Cemetery – Kent, WA

Vancouver Barracks National Cemetery – Vancouver, WA

West Virginia

West Virginia National Cemetery – Grafton, WV

Wisconsin

Northwoods National Cemetery – Harshaw, WI

Wyoming

Cheyenne National Cemetery – Cheyenne, WY

If you’d like more information about veterans’ burial benefits, visit the Veterans Affairs website or check out these helpful resources:

Mar 12

Love0

Woman in blue sweater sitting at table in her kitchen as she looks at estate planning documents

5 Steps to Getting Your Affairs in Order

By christy.kessler Estate Planning, Plan Ahead

While getting your affairs in order may feel like a daunting task, it makes the grieving process and closing out an estate much easier for surviving children and heirs. They won’t have to untangle any accounts or wonder how you wanted your property or assets distributed. Instead, they can focus on grieving, supporting each other, and remembering the relationship you shared.

And yes, the process of putting your affairs in order will take time, but there’s good news! Below, you will find a checklist of important documents to gather as well as guidance regarding other estate planning topics you should consider. Let’s get started.

Step 1: Gather Important Information

The information and documents listed below will apply to most families. However, there may be additional documents that are important to your specific family. The list below is an excellent starting place and covers the vast majority of what you will need. However, take time to sit down and think through your situation. You may find more documents to include.

Checklist

Full legal name
Social Security number/card
Address of legal residence
Date and place of birth
Names and addresses of spouse and children
Birth and death certificates and certificates of marriage, divorce, citizenship, and adoption (whichever are applicable)
Employers and dates of employment
Education and military records
Names and phone numbers of religious contacts (if applicable)
Names and phone numbers of close friends, relatives, doctors, lawyers, and financial advisors
Medications taken regularly (keep this updated!)
Location of living will and other legal documents
Sources of income and assets (pension from your employer, IRAs, 401(k)s, interest, royalties, etc.)
Social Security and Medicare/Medicaid information
Insurance information (life, health, long-term care, home, etc.) with policy numbers and agents’ names and phone numbers
Copy of your most recent income tax return
Location of your most up-to-date legal will with an original signature
Liabilities, including property tax
Mortgages and debts
Location of original deed of trust for home
Car title and registration
Credit and debit card names and numbers
Location of safe deposit box and key

Special note: It’s important to keep your documents safe, especially in the face of natural disasters. One way to keep your documents safe is to purchase a fire and water secure case. But whatever you choose, find a way to keep your documents secure and accessible in case of emergency.

Step 2: Consider Estate Planning

Estate planning is about ensuring that your wishes regarding your estate are carried out. While most of us don’t have a literal estate with a grand manor and a stable full of horses, we do all have an “estate.” In legal terms, an estate consists of everything you own – car, home, other real estate, bank accounts, investment accounts, 401(k)s, insurance policies, furniture, personal possessions, and even pets.

By determining what your wishes are, who will receive what and when, and who is responsible for executing your legal will, you participate in estate planning. If you are interested in estate planning, please review the questions below and determine if you have taken care of them fully.

1. Do you have a legal will?

Writing a legal will is one of the best things you can do for your family. To reduce the risk of misunderstandings, heartache, and the possible headache of taking your estate through probate court, it’s best if you clearly outline who gets what and when. If there is no legal will, the state may determine the distribution of your property and assets. So, if you don’t have a legal will, your assets may not go to your heirs, depending on your state’s current regulations. If you would like to write a legal will, first talk with an attorney or try out a web service that specializes in legal documents.

2. If you do have a legal will, have you appointed an executor? And does your chosen executor have access to and know where to find all of your important documents?

Above all, the executor of your will should be someone you trust. They will carry out the wishes outlined in your legal will to the letter.

3. Have you named your beneficiaries?

Beneficiaries are the people or organizations that will receive your assets and/or property after your death. In general, it is good practice to double-check your beneficiaries every few years. This includes beneficiaries on your legal will and on any life insurance policies you may have with the purpose of ensuring everything still reflects your wishes. Double-checking beneficiaries is especially important with blended families as divorce or remarriage could change your chosen beneficiaries. To learn more, read “Estate Planning for the Blended Family.”

4. Do you want or need a trust?

If you are unfamiliar with trusts, they are similar to a will. Both a will and a trust are meant to spell out your wishes regarding assets and property. The main difference between the two is that a will is effective only after you die and then must be probated (carried out) by the court system and your chosen executor. On the other hand, in the case of a trust, there is no need to go through the court system – your successor trustee (aka the executor) will carry out your wishes after your death as they are written in the trust.

Additionally, with a trust, your successor trustee can manage your financial, healthcare, or legal affairs if you become incapacitated while you’re living. Talk with an estate planner to see if this option is right for you. Typically, a trust is helpful for those with a large number of assets and property.

5. Have you considered your digital estate?

If you have used an email account, a networking website, or bought items online, you have a digital estate. It’s just as important to determine the future of your digital estate as your physical estate. For suggestions on how to manage your digital estate, please read “8 Tips for Managing Your Digital Estate” or “How to Make Digital Estate Planning Simple.”

6. Do you have any dependents (including pets)? Have you made your wishes clear regarding their well-being?

Most people know that they should indicate who will care for their dependents once they are gone. However, pets are also an important part of the family, and while we love them dearly, sometimes we overlook them in the estate planning process. To that end, make sure to include any veterinary documentation in your important paperwork and outline who should take over the care of your beloved animals.

Step 3: Look Into Advance Funeral Planning

No matter your level of interest, funeral planning needs to be on your list of things to do as you get your affairs in order. By writing down your funeral preferences ahead of time, you give your family a roadmap to honoring your life. Having this roadmap will take a burden off their shoulders and allow them to focus on loving and supporting each other.

For additional information on advance funeral planning, click on the links below:

Step 4: Write Out Your Advance Care Directives (ACD)

In short, an advance care directive (ACD) ensures that, if you become incapacitated, your medical wishes are known and fulfilled. Two documents, the living will and the healthcare power of attorney, make up an ACD. Sit down with your doctor and those closest to you and discuss what your wishes are regarding medical care. For more information regarding preparation of your advance care directives, read “Developing Your Advance Care Directive.”

Step 5: Keep It Current

Once you have your affairs in order, keep them up-to-date and current, especially your legal documents, beneficiary information, and most recent tax return. Make sure to appoint a new executor if the one you have currently chosen moves away or is unable to fulfill his or her duties. If you move, update your current address on all your documents, policies, accounts, and assets. At the beginning, it’s quite an undertaking to gather all the information. But, once it’s together, updating is simple.

Also, you might consider holding a family meeting to go over your wishes and your estate. For some families, this may not be pleasant or even possible. But if you can schedule it, a family meeting is an excellent time to let everyone know how your assets are going to be distributed. By being proactive, you can answer questions, set expectations, and hopefully, prevent any family disagreements over your final wishes.

DISCLAIMER: Individual circumstances and state laws vary, so only undertake estate planning with the help and assistance of an attorney licensed in your state.

Mar 10

Love0

Two women holding a pink breast cancer awareness ribbon against a pink background

Finding Hope in the Fight Against Breast Cancer

By christy.kessler Exclude from Top Posts, Seasonal

Are you currently battling breast cancer or know someone who is? Have you celebrated with a breast cancer survivor? Or have you lost a loved one to the disease? No matter how the disease has touched you, we stand with you to spread awareness, find hope, and grieve well in the fight against breast cancer.

According to current statistics, it is expected that, in the coming year, more than 40,000 deaths will be linked to breast cancer, and millions of people are battling breast cancer. Moreover, one in every eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime as well as thousands of men. In our collective struggle, as men and women, we can join forces to fight breast cancer in a number of ways.

1. Participate in Wellness Programs & Lifestyle Changes

When possible, men and women should participate in a wellness program and take part in all the tests required to monitor current health status. According to the Mayo Clinic, studies show that some lifestyle changes contribute to a marked decrease in breast cancer risk.

For example, here are a few suggested changes:

Limit alcoholic beverages
Quit smoking
Control weight
Stay physically active

2. Get Involved & Spread Awareness

Next, it’s important to remember that the possibilities to get involved in the fight against breast cancer are virtually limitless. There are some established ways of participating in spreading awareness for breast cancer: donate, participate in a Race for the Cure, become an advisor/volunteer for a breast cancer program, host a fundraiser, or wear pink to spread awareness.

However, your original ideas are welcome too, so don’t be afraid to bring them to the table. For example, one woman started a nonprofit that provides unique hospital gowns for women battling illness. Another woman began writing encouraging letters to fellow breast cancer patients, and she also started her own nonprofit that has sent over 60,000 handwritten cards and letters to 152 patient centers. The point is, don’t limit your own impact. Think outside the box and find the most meaningful way for you to become involved.

3. Share Inspirational Stories of Hope

The women and men who have battled and are battling this disease are a great source of hope. Read their stories and allow them to change you. Ultimately, no matter the story of your own life, you can find inspiration, hope, and encouragement in the stories of others. Let’s be loving, compassionate, and above all, changed. And be sure to share the stories that impact you the most with others through social media. That way, you can inspire others and raise awareness for breast cancer at the same time.

4. Find a Support Group

If you have recently been diagnosed with breast cancer, you are not alone. Consider joining a support group where you can talk with others who are currently battling the disease. In them, you may find much-needed encouragement and comfort.

5. Connect to Grief Resources

Finally, if you have recently lost a loved one to breast cancer, your road to healing is just beginning. Emotions may be raw, and that’s okay. It’s normal to feel grief, anger, pain, frustration. Author, educator, and grief expert, Dr. Alan Wolfelt, puts it this way: “From my own experiences with loss as well as those of the thousands of people I have counseled over the years, I have learned that we cannot go around the pain of our grief. Instead, we must learn to embrace and express it. This is hard but absolutely necessary work.” Facing the pain of grief is hard, but in the end, it is the only way through.

We all need support and encouragement on the journey through grief. Consider talking with a friend, making an appointment with a grief counselor, or finding others who are going through a similar situation. You may even be able to find local support groups for those who have lost a loved one to cancer. You can also visit Dr. Wolfelt’s website, the Center for Loss & Life Transition, to learn from his experience helping people walk through the journey of grief toward healing.

christy.kessler

The “Why” of Funerals

Final Disposition Options

The Elements of a Meaningful Funeral Service

Element #1: Music

Element #2: Readings

Element #3: Viewing/Visitation

Element #4: Eulogy/Remembrance

Element #6: Gathering

Element #7: Actions

Choosing a Memorial Service

Personalization is Key

Funeral Procession

Deciding on a Grave Marker

Sympathy Gifts

Writing a Touching Obituary

Burial Benefits for Veterans

Resources for Advance Funeral Planning

Let’s Define Both Forms of Cremation

Flame-Based Cremation

Water-Based Cremation

Next, Let’s Talk about Environmental Impact

Flame-Based Cremation & the Environment

Water-Based Cremation & the Environment

Is there a Cost Difference?

What Alkaline Chemicals are Used in Water Cremation?

Is there a Difference in the Ashes Received by the Family?

What is the Availability for Each Form of Cremation?

What’s Next?

White Lilies

Roses

Marigold (Cempoalxochitl)

Chrysanthemum

Jasmine

Lei

King Protea

1. Encourage him to express himself

2. Invite him out for a break

3. Acknowledge that he’s a dad

4. Provide practical support

5. Call, text, or send a card

6 Ways Hospice Care Can Improve Quality of Life

1. Symptom Management

2. Emotional & Spiritual Support

3. Education on What to Expect

4. Practical, At-Home Assistance

5. Support for Caregiving Relatives

6. More Family Time

1. Plan ahead if you can.

2. Find a way to celebrate and remember your lost loved one.

3. Reinvent the day and bring hope to a day of sadness.

4. Give back to meaningful causes.

Healing Traditions Bring Hope and Reconciliation

Will the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) pay for a veteran’s funeral in full?

Am I automatically eligible for burial benefits simply because I was once in the Armed Forces?

Will my family receive funds from the government in advance of the funeral?

Are there cases where the VA pays nothing toward a veteran’s funeral?

If a spouse predeceases the veteran, can that spouse be buried at a national cemetery?

Who is eligible for burial in a national cemetery?

Can you reserve a national cemetery gravesite in advance?

What does the VA provide for veterans buried in a national cemetery?

What does the VA provide for veterans buried in a private cemetery?

Does the VA pay for cremation services?

Does the VA provide burial at sea?

What is the Avenue of Flags?

A Few Things to Keep in Mind

National Cemeteries Across the United States

Alabama

Alaska

Arizona

Arkansas

California

Colorado

Florida

Georgia

Hawaii

Idaho

Illinois

Indiana

Iowa