Did you know that poetry can play an important role in the grieving process? While poetry readings are becoming less common in everyday life, they are still widely used in important rituals and ceremonies, including funerals. Our willingness to use poetry to mark important events indicates that we still understand the power of poetry and are drawn to it, even if only on special occasions.
What’s So Great About Poetry?
A great poem captures essential truths about the human condition. Through the precise arrangement of a few carefully chosen words, the poet explores universal themes and attempts to describe an aspect of human experience. Good poems are relatable. Writing a poem allows us to express ourselves to others, and reading it cultivates empathy and reminds us how much alike we really are. Poetry reminds us of what it means to be human–to feel joy and pain, to laugh and to cry, to celebrate the wonders of life and to face our mortality. In this way, it connects us to the people around us.
Reading Poetry to Enhance a Funeral Service
In a funeral setting, poetry reading can be a powerful ritual. It honors the life of a loved one and strengthens the bonds between those who mourn. Whether the poems chosen are mournful or inspirational and uplifting, they can serve as an opportunity to reflect on the life of the deceased. Funeral poems can help us search for meaning in the loss and can bring us into a state of contemplation. Poetry reading is a communal experience: it allows everybody present to share a profound moment together.
Therapeutic Benefits
Poetry can also be useful after the funeral ceremony, in the weeks, months, even years after the loss of a loved one. Studies suggest that any form of reading can be therapeutic, and poems can be especially useful because of their contemplative, even spiritual, qualities. The grief journey is not linear. Long after a loved one has passed, sporadic periods of intense grief can crop up. During these difficult times, it might be useful to consider reading poetry. The poetryfoundation.org is a great place to start.
Writing Your Own Poems
In addition to reading, you may also find it helpful to write poems of your own. Grief experts consider grief journaling to be a healthy way to channel painful emotions. In many ways, writing poems can function as a sophisticated form of journaling. Writing is a healthy means of self-expression that allows you to better process your thoughts and to comprehend what you are feeling. The great poet Robert Frost once said, “Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words.” In short, poems help us to better understand our emotions. Understanding what we feel is incredibly useful during times of grief, when we experience confusing or paradoxical emotions. By putting your feelings into words, you open the door to self-discovery.
Using Poetry as a Place of Refuge
Not all of the poems that you use during the grieving process have to deal directly with death. Poetry can be an effective outlet for dealing with painful emotions. Additionally, poetry can also provide a refuge from the pain and stress that comes after a loss. Taking a few moments out of your day to read soothing poems can be refreshing. Consider going to a favorite spot, where you can read or write peacefully without distractions. You may find that this activity calms your mind and relieves stress.
Try It!
If you have recently lost a loved one, consider utilizing poetry to help you on your grief journey. Whether you’re thinking about incorporating poems into a funeral service, looking for poems to read personally, or considering writing some poems of your own, find ways to take advantage of the benefits that poetry can offer.
When it comes to planning a loved one’s celebration of life or final tribute, music plays a pivotal role. It sets the tone and invites people to express their emotions openly. To create a truly personal tribute, it’s important to choose songs that are meaningful or significant in some way. For those who grew up through the decade – or just love the music from that decade – here’s a list of 1980s songs to consider including at a loved one’s celebration of life.
1. Always Something There to Remind Me (Naked Eyes – 1982)
Oh, how can I forget you? When there is always something there to remind me Always something there to remind me
An enduring cover of the original song, this 1980s version has become a true classic. As with many love songs, its focus on love, loss, and memory makes it an appropriate song for a funeral or memorial service. As the lyrics state, how can we ever forget those we love? We won’t and that’s as it should be. Those we have loved and lost will continue to live on in our hearts and memories for the remainder of our lives.
2. Time After Time (Cyndi Lauper – 1984)
If you’re lost, you can look, and you will find me Time after time If you fall, I will catch you, I’ll be waiting Time after time
Anyone familiar with the best jams from the 80s will know this catchy title. Cyndi Lauper’s first #1 hit in the United States, its message is both bittersweet and hopeful. For the grieving, its discussion of feeling confused, experiencing flashbacks, and having suitcases of memories may feel familiar. You may feel the same way. But as the song says, even when you’re feeling lost, you can find your loved one – look to your memories!
3. Endless Love (Diana Ross & Lionel Richie – 1981)
Ooh, yes You will always be My endless love
For those who are mourning the loss of a spouse or partner, this gorgeous song may be a worthy addition to a celebration of life. Not only does the music cascade around you and carry you with it, but its lyrics are unforgettable. Having an “endless love” is a beautiful thing and a true gift in this life. If that’s true of your relationship with someone, consider including this classic to honor and celebrate that love.
4. Wind Beneath My Wings (Bette Midler – 1988)
Did you ever know that you’re my hero And everything I would like to be? I can fly higher than an eagle For you are the wind beneath my wings
Part of the soundtrack for the movie Beaches, this moving rendition highlights the relationships in our lives that make us feel encouraged, lifted up, and capable of so much more. Perhaps one of the most-played funeral songs, it’s perfect to honor a mentor, a parent, or someone who has been a constant source of love and support in your life.
5. Total Eclipse of the Heart (Bonnie Tyler – 1983)
(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit tired Of listening to the sound of my tears
While this recognizable tune may seem an unusual addition to the list, it describes the grieving process very well. Sometimes, you will feel lonely, tired, nervous, or a bit terrified. You may occasionally feel like you’re falling apart. Just as the singer is experiencing an eclipse of the heart through the dissolution of a relationship, so are you – through the death of a loved one.
So goodbye my friend I know I’ll never see you again But the time together through all the years Will take away these tears
Though not Linda Ronstadt’s most well-known song, this one still hits the mark. It speaks about the unexpectedness of death but also how the good times – the cherished memories – will carry you through the grief journey ahead. In fact, it’s those memories and the love you shared that will take away the tears. With its focus on friendship, this song is a good addition to a final tribute for someone you considered a dear friend.
7. Who Wants to Live Forever (Queen – 1986)
And we can have forever And we can love forever Forever is our today
A true legend, Queen produced music that still speaks to us today. With its ethereal and absolutely stunning sound, “Who Wants to Live Forever” forces us to confront a question we rarely ask ourselves. Do we really want to live forever? And the song suggests that rather than trying to life forever, let’s instead make the most of the “one sweet moment set aside for us.” This song is perfect for the Queen enthusiast or someone who thought about the deep things in life.
8. How Am I Supposed to Live Without You (Michael Bolton – 1983)
Tell me, how am I supposed to live without you?
Now that I’ve been loving you so long
In his signature style, Michael Bolton takes us along for an emotional experience with this heart-wrenching song. As with many love songs, it works well as a funeral song for a beloved spouse or partner. After loss, the future may look scary or unfamiliar, and you may not be sure how you are supposed to live without that special person. The lyrics perfectly capture that sense of love, loss, and trying to find the way forward.
9. I’ll Be Loving You (Forever) – (New Kids on the Block – 1989)
We’ve gone too far to ever turn back now This love will last forever I can see it all now
With its soft cadence and soothing melody, this song from New Kids on the Block will set the tone for any celebration of life. With softness and kindness, its lyrics help us remember that when we lose someone we love, they are never truly gone. Love lasts forever – far beyond the years we have together. While this song naturally lends itself to being used for the final tribute for a significant other, you could also use it for a female sibling, parent, or friend.
10. Forever Young (Rod Stewart – 1988)
Be courageous and be brave And in my heart you’ll always stay Forever young, forever young
Written by Rod Stewart with his children in mind, “Forever Young” became an instant classic. The song doubles as a reminder that our loved ones will be forever young, forever alive, in our memories. No matter what life may bring in the years ahead, your loved one will be remembered and never forgotten. Consider this song for honoring the life of a parent, a child, a young person, or someone who was eternally young at heart.
The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can use symbols to personalize a loved one’s final tribute and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.
First, Why Does Personalization Matter?
“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.” – Dr. Alan Wolfelt
In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!
A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about symbols and their role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!
How to Personalize Symbols at a Funeral
Symbols are an important aspect of a funeral because they convey love and comfort, facilitate expression, and offer a focus point for the bereaved. Common symbols are an appropriate religious symbol, flowers, personal items, candles, or whatever feels best to honor your loved one.
1. Include appropriate religious symbols
For people of faith, consider including religious symbols at the service. At a Catholic or Protestant Christian funeral, this could mean placing the Bible or a cross in a prominent location. For Jewish funerals, perhaps you could include the Star of David or read meaningful passages from the Torah. Depending on the religion the person followed, there are many possible symbols to incorporate that would honor their beliefs. If the person whose life you want to celebrate wasn’t religious, check out How to Plan a Healing Funeral if You Are Not Religious.
2. Include cultural or traditional elements
Another possible source for symbols is cultural or traditional elements. For example, it’s customary in the United States to place the casket or urn in a place of prominence so that it will be the focal point of a service. Or you could have a funeral procession, which acts as a symbol of respect and final rest. Drape a flag over a veteran’s casket or urn. Also, consider including cultural elements. For example, in many Asian countries, white is the color of mourning. You may choose to include white flowers or white accents to honor that tradition.
3. Turn special items into symbols
If you’d like an even more personal option, you can turn special items into symbols. For one grieving family, an appropriate symbol was the quilts their grandmother made. Before her death, she made a quilt for every child and grandchild, and at her final tribute, the quilts were displayed on the pews – a representation of her love and impact on her family. You could use a prized record collection, personal artwork, or even bring their Harley-Davidson into the venue.
4. Invite guests to participate
If you’d like to add a much broader symbolic element to a loved one’s final tribute, consider inviting guests to participate. You could ask everyone to wear the deceased’s favorite color. If they were a Harry Potter or Star Wars fan, ask people to wear something in that theme. You could ask guests to bring in a favorite photo to add to a group collage set up near the casket or urn. There are so many ways to include others in adding meaningful symbolism to a funeral service.
Questions to Help You Brainstorm
If ideas aren’t coming to mind already, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what kinds of symbols you could include at a service.
Are there any traditional funeral elements that bring you comfort?
Is there a part of your cultural or religious background that should be included?
Did your loved one collect anything?
Was your loved one part of any groups that have recognizable symbols?
Did their choice of career include any symbols, such as a stethoscope for a doctor?
Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for choosing symbols that will not only personalize the funeral but add special meaning as well. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.
The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about different ways you can personalize the eulogy and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.
First, Why Does Personalization Matter?
“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.” – Dr. Alan Wolfelt
In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!
A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about eulogies and their vital role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!
How to Personalize the Eulogy at a Funeral
In many ways, the eulogy may be the single most important aspect of a loved one’s service. It’s a time to acknowledge and affirm the significance of their life. A time to share memories, to reflect on important life lessons, and to celebrate who they were as a unique individual. The eulogy can be delivered by a clergy person, a family member, or even by a series of people, and it’s important to be thoughtful and intentional about the tribute you give.
1. Share cherished memories
When crafting a eulogy, consider what comes to mind when you think about the person who has died. What are your most significant memories with them? If they were a prankster, share their best jokes or tricks. For animal lovers, talk about beloved pets. If there are family memories that bring joy, paint a picture of those moments. Were they a board game enthusiast? Give the audience a retelling of an epic game. You can go many different directions with the eulogy, based on your loved one’s life and the most meaningful moments you shared.
2. Highlight community involvement
Some people are known for their contribution to the community, and it would be remiss not to mention their volunteer work. You might consider also asking fellow volunteers or organization leaders to step up and give a short eulogy. Alternatively, if your loved had a career that positively impacted others, you could invite colleagues to say a few words. No matter where they volunteered or how they gave back to the community, there are people who can speak to that specific aspect of your loved one’s life and honor their commitment and dedication to a cause.
3. Bring visual aids
Another option for personalizing the eulogy is to bring visual aids. This might sound a little odd at first, but visual aids can increase the impact of the eulogy. For example, if you are sharing memories, bring a slideshow of related photos and use them to emphasize your storytelling. Or, if your loved one was an artist, bring a particularly meaningful project with you and share its significance. There are so many items you could bring as visual aids. You could bring anything from crafts like quilts to sports equipment like golf clubs or a fishing pole. The funeral home can even work with you to bring in larger visual aids, such as a motorcycle or something similar.
4. Use your personal talents to create a unique tribute
Sometimes, words aren’t enough, and we must express ourselves in other ways. If you are a songwriter, you could compose a song in honor of your loved one and include it in your eulogy. For those who are more artistic, consider painting, drawing, or building something that showcases your love for the person who has died and share its meaning in the eulogy. Are you a dancer? Choreograph a routine to the tune of your loved one’s favorite song. While the eulogy is about honoring the person who has died, it’s also about your grief journey and how you want to honor their life. Don’t be afraid to use your talents to say goodbye.
Questions to Help You Brainstorm
If ideas aren’t coming to mind already, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what you could include in a meaningful eulogy at a service.
Are there any memories that are particularly meaningful to you?
Did you and your loved one share a hobby or interest?
Was your loved one involved in community work?
If people were to describe your loved one, what would they say?
Were they passionate about something in particular?
Were they family-famous for anything?
Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for crafting a eulogy that will honor your loved one’s life beautifully. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.
For additional inspiration, here are more articles on eulogies that may help:
Do you know the main difference between a memorial service and a funeral service? At a funeral service, the deceased’s body is present, either in an open or closed casket. However, at a memorial service, the body is not present and a framed portrait or an urn serves as the focal point, instead of a casket.
You can have a memorial service with either burial or cremation; it all depends on whether the body is present at the service or not. Both options will beautifully honor a loved one’s life – it just depends on your family’s preferences.
If you aren’t sure how to proceed, let’s discuss why having a service is important and 7 helpful tips for planning a memorial service.
Does Having a Service Matter?
Having some sort of ceremony or opportunity to mourn the death of someone loved allows you to acknowledge the reality of the situation and serves as a good first step on the road to healing. According to a study conducted among adults aged 40+, “82 percent said that a service was helpful in paying tribute to or commemorating the life of a friend or family member” and “72 percent believed services they attended were an important part of the healing process.”
Memorial services allow for a great deal of flexibility if additional time is needed to gather together as a family. In fact, it is not uncommon for a memorial service to be held a month or more after the death. Whether you decide on a funeral or a memorial service, it’s important to remember the role that memorialization plays in the grieving process. Spend some time thinking about the type of service that would best honor your loved one’s life and spirit.
7 Tips for Planning a Memorial Service
If you decide to honor your loved one with a memorial service, there are many important choices you will need to make. Here are some tips for creating a rich and meaningful memorial service.
1. Choose a Fitting Location
Since the body will not be present, you have a lot of freedom regarding where the memorial service takes place. A memorial service can be held at the home of the person who has died or a favorite spot of the deceased. People have also used church buildings, local or national parks, community centers, funeral home chapels, the graveside, and even restaurants to pay their respects. No matter where you choose, remember to include a photo of the deceased or bring the urn so people have a visual reminder and can say goodbye.
2. Select Articulate Speakers
Find a few family members and friends who are good public speakers to deliver a eulogy, read poems or scripture, and tell funny or inspiring stories. Since the memorial service often takes place a few weeks after the death, the speakers will have time to gather their thoughts and could even run their ideas by each other.
3. Consider Music
If you are at a venue that accommodates the playing of music, take advantage of this opportunity. Music is a great way to honor the life of a loved one. It communicates feelings that can be hard to put into words. You might play a loved one’s favorite song or another piece of music that ties to the life in a special way. For additional help choosing custom music for a memorial service, check out “How to Personalize Music at a Funeral.”
4. Create a Slideshow
If you choose a location that has some technical capability, you could play a slideshow in honor of your loved one’s life journey. Include pictures or videos of important life events, places, and people that shaped your loved one’s life. For more insight into how a slideshow can be a meaningful addition to a final tribute, take a moment to read “The Importance of a Memorial Tribute Video.”
5. Provide Food and Drink
Many memorial services offer some kind of food, although the type of catering varies widely. You could include a full meal or simply offer light snacks and refreshments. Consider the time of day of the service when deciding on food. Also, you might choose foods that reflect your lost loved one’s preferences. If they loved chicken nuggets, get a tray from their favorite spot. For those with a sweet tooth, include an assortment of their favorite cookies or cakes.
6. Create the Guest List
If the memorial service is being held weeks or months after the death, make a list of everyone you would like to have attend and send out invitations to them. Mail invitations well in advance, so that guests who live far away have time to make travel arrangements. You could also post an invitation on your social media channels if that’s the easiest way for you to reach people.
7. Prepare “Thank You” Cards
Whether you choose a formal or informal setting, you’re likely going to need help as you create a meaningful service. For those closely involved in the planning, take time to thank them. Taking this extra step will also keep your support network alive. Stay in contact with the people who mean the most to you and find the people you can lean on as you begin your grief journey. After all, the memorial service is only the beginning of the road to healing.
These 7 tips will help you plan a meaningful memorial service, but remember, you aren’t on your own with this. The funeral home is available to assist you with memorial service plans. They can take on as much of the planning as you wish. Simply reach out to them and discuss what you’d like to do. They will provide options and help you brainstorm through all the possibilities.
When honoring and remembering a loved one’s life, music plays a pivotal role. It helps mourners recall memories, comforts the soul, and brings tears to the eyes. And the music you select can also be an excellent way to create a truly personalized sendoff for a loved one. If your loved one was a person of faith, consider these 12 modern Christian songs as possible options for their final tribute.
Note: Many Christian songs, like hymns, are centuries old. The songs on this list are all from the 21st century, making them much more modern. May you find just the right song to beautifully honor your loved one’s life and legacy.
1. Heaven Song (Phil Wickham – 2009)
Can’t wait to join the angels and sing
I wanna run on greener pastures
I wanna dance on higher hills
Throughout this calming song, the lyrics tell us that there’s a much better place awaiting those who have submitted their lives to God. The song reminds us that, with Heaven’s greener pastures, higher hills, and sweeter waters, a loved one is now in a place beyond our wildest dreams with a God who dearly loves them. Remembering God’s promise to prepare a place for His children is a strong source of comfort for Christians during a time of loss.
2. Dancing with the Angels (Monk & Neagle – 2014)
Your heart will be heard
In your unspoken words
Through generations to come
With its simple lyrics, this song from Monk & Neagle is a lovely tribute for any Christian. It touches on the sadness that surviving friends and family feel even as they find comfort in the knowledge that a Christian loved one is now in heaven, praising God and dancing with the angels. And even though that person is gone, their impact will be felt for generations to come.
3. Scars in Heaven (Casting Crowns – 2021)
The only scars in Heaven, they won’t belong to me and you
There’ll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in Heaven are on the hands that hold you now
After the loss of a loved one, it’s natural and normal to wish we’d had just one more day, one more moment, with that special person. This soothing song expresses that deep desire we all feel for a little more time. Additionally, it references the beauty of Heaven, where a loved one is standing in the sun without pain, all concerns a million miles away. This song may be particularly meaningful for a Christian who went through a long-term illness or carried deep hurts with a grace-filled attitude.
4. I Will Carry You (Selah – 2009)
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
Composed after the death of the songwriter’s infant daughter, this song addresses the deep pain a parent feels after the loss of a child. Mourning what could have been, all the things that will never be. But with God’s comfort as our companion, we can gladly carry the pain that comes with love and loss. For the family mourning the loss of a child, this comforting Christian song may be a meaningful addition.
5. It is Not Death to Die (Sovereign Grace – 2008)
It is not death to die
To leave this weary road
And join the saints who dwell on high
Who’ve found their home with God
Similar to hymns of old in its tempo, this song reminds Christians that there is more beyond this earthly life. For the Christian, death is merely a doorway to true life with God because Jesus conquered the grave. Because of His death and resurrection, it’s possible for us to live in God’s presence as His children. Because of this hope, Christians find comfort in the knowledge that Christian loved ones are not gone forever. There will be a reunion in Heaven one day.
6. There Will Be a Day (Jeremy Camp – 2008)
But I hold on to this hope
And the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering
In this up-tempo song, Jeremy Camp reminds listeners that the burdens we carry now will not last forever. There will be a day when there is no more pain and no more tears. Until then, Christians must hold fast to God through the trials and triumphs of life. Losing a loved one can be devastating, but this song reminds us that we are not alone. God sees our hurt and pain. He will one day banish pain entirely, but until that day comes, He will bring hope into the darkness of grief.
7. Welcome Home (Michael W. Smith – 2010)
I can hear the sound
As angels gather ’round
Saying this is where you belong
Welcome home
Simple yet poignant, this song reminds us that our loved ones are going on to their true home. We will deeply miss them, but they are being welcomed home with joy and gladness. On this side of Heaven, none of us can know just how incredible it will feel to be in the presence of God, to be truly home. The lyrics of this song capture the heartache we may feel after losing a loved one while also offering a gentle comfort in knowing that lost loved ones are well and truly home.
8. When I Get Where I’m Going (Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton – 2005)
Yeah, when I get where I’m going
There’ll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I’ll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
While this song was released in the country music genre, both musicians are devout Christians, and the lyrics place it firmly into the modern Christian song category. Since its considered a country song, this tune may be the perfect complement for a person who loved country music. With its soothing cadence and focus on remembrance, the song brings cherished moments of our lost loved ones to the surface and helps us mourn.
9. I Will Rise (Chris Tomlin – 2008)
There’s a peace I’ve come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There’s an anchor for my soul
I can say “It is well”
In times of grief, it can feel like everything is out of control. The normal and comforting rhythm of our days is disrupted, and things feel stressful and unknown. This song reminds us that in the difficult moments, the times of grief, we can find an anchor from the storm in God. As we turn to Him, He will give us the strength to make it through this season of loss. That is a true comfort for the grieving, knowing that God is present and close through it all.
10. On My Way Home (The Booth Brothers – 2020)
I’m only passin’ through on my way Home
Heaven is the place where I belong
More than just a feeling or a dream
A land beyond the stars is calling me
When the Savior comes for me, I’ll go
To live forever, finally at Home
With its old-school vibe and soothing vocals, this song will add a soft, comforting feel to any final tribute. With its focus on the temporary nature of our time here on Earth, it lovingly reminds listeners that Heaven is the place where we will find true belonging. If you are planning a service for a Christian who often spoke of looking forward to meeting Jesus face-to-face, this song could be a great way to include that sentiment in their final sendoff.
11. When the Tears Fall (Tim Hughes – 2004)
In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me, You sustain me
My defender for ever more
Throughout our lives, we experience uncertainty, pain, grief, fear, anxiety, and so much more. But for the Christian, God is an ever-present help in times of trouble. This beautiful melody encourages us to lean on God during times of struggle and learn how to praise Him even when it’s hard. When tears fall, He’s there to wipe them away. When grief crushes, He’s there to bind the broken-hearted. This song is a poignant reminder that grief is not a journey you must travel alone – it’s walked with God.
12. I Can Only Imagine (MercyMe – 2001)
I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk by Your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes would see
When Your face is before me
Very popular in both Christian and mainstream circles at its release, this beautiful song has stood the test of time and is perfect for any funeral service. With vivid imagery, the lyrics paint a picture of Heaven and the true awe that every Christian will feel in the presence of God. The words paired with the pleasant melody create a song that tugs at the heartstrings – creating a sense of wonder and anticipation. To leave mourners feelings uplifted and encouraged in the face of loss, consider including this song at a loved one’s final tribute.
For more suggestions on songs to include at a funeral service, check out the resources below:
Sometimes, it’s hard to know what to think or how to process a loss that hurts so deeply it takes your breath away. That’s where traditions and rituals can help. Healing actions help us to express our deepest thoughts about life’s most significant events. Special ceremonies like graduations, weddings, and baby dedications involve rituals that help us mark important milestones in life. Similarly, when a loved one dies, traditions can also help us mark a significant event, spend time remembering a loved one, and find healing.
What Makes Rituals So Effective?
1. Rituals are symbolic
When you lose a loved one, you can use symbolic acts to honor and remember their life and memory. This could mean that you watch their favorite movie every year or that you place their stocking on the mantel during the holidays. These small, symbolic acts help you to remember that a loved one is always with you in your heart.
2. Rituals help us express emotion
Dr. Alan Wolfelt, renowned grief counselor and educator, is often quoted as saying, “When words are inadequate, have a ritual.” During times of grief, you will need an outlet for expressing your deepest emotions, and words may not be enough. After all, when a loss occurs, the wound may be so deep that you simply cannot find the right words to express it. In times of great distress, a ritual can be more comforting and healing than a thousand eloquent words.
3. Rituals unite people in a common, shared experience
Funerals, visitations, candlelight services, memorial events, and celebration of life ceremonies can help you feel a certain solidarity with others who are sharing your grief and loss. There’s a unique sense of comfort from knowing that you’re not alone and that others are supporting you on the journey through grief.
So, why are rituals and traditions so effective? They can bring healing to the wounded heart and help you feel connected to others and supported by the presence of loved ones. Rituals are also a way to express deep emotions as you search for healing and reconciliation after a loss.
What are Some Examples of Healing Rituals?
Grief and healing are not one-size-fits-all. There’s no set timeframe for grief, and there’s no “right” way to heal. Instead, you must find what works best for you, your personality, and your family.
To spark your own ideas, here are some possible rituals you could include in your grief journey:
Light a Memorial Candle
Put an open place setting at the table or set up a memorial display area at home and light a candle when you want to honor the memory of a loved one. You can light a candle every day or only on special occasions, such as birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays. Lighting a candle symbolizes the light that your loved one brought to you and how they live on in your heart.
Recall Memories
Family and friends may choose to gather on special occasions to share memories and honor a loved one’s life. This may occur on the first anniversary of the death, at family reunions, or on significant days like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. During these gatherings, set time aside to allow people to talk together and share memories that bring comfort and joy.
Visit the Graveside
Some people find comfort in visiting the grave of their loved one, leaving fresh flowers, or simply spending time reflecting on the loss. Mourners often visit the grave on special days or on any day that they want to feel close to their loved one. No matter when you decide to visit, take this time to speak to your loved one and express what’s in your heart.
Attend a Special Memorial Event
Certain community events, such as remembrance services around the holidays, can also bring comfort and healing. These events help us connect with other people who are also feeling the pain of a loss, which can bring a greater sense of peace. In addition to receiving support, these types of gatherings help you engage with your emotions and express what you’re feeling.
Carry a Remembrance Item
Sometimes a small keepsake, like a watch, jewelry, or a small heirloom, can be a sweet reminder of a loved one. If you don’t have a specific keepsake, you could select memorial jewelry that holds a lock of hair or is engraved with a loved one’s fingerprint. A remembrance item serves as a daily reminder that can bring comfort when you feel a loved one’s loss most keenly.
Now, these are just some ideas to get you started. There are so many rituals and traditions you could incorporate into your grief journey. Volunteer every year at a non-profit your loved one championed. Bake their favorite dessert on their birthday. There are so many possibilities. Spend some time thinking about what would be meaningful to you. Talk with your family members. Together, you will identify ways you can use ritual and tradition to bring healing to your hurting heart.
The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you use personalization to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can personalize the visitation and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.
First, Why Does Personalization Matter?
“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.” – Dr. Alan Wolfelt
In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!
A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about the visitation and its role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!
How to Personalize a Visitation at a Funeral
The viewing or visitation is a time for family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors to gather, to express support, to offer sympathy, and to remember someone loved. Plus, it’s the perfect time for personalization – an opportunity to tell the story of a lifetime. But how would you personalize the visitation?
1. Display Special Items
Every life is unique, so by including special items, you can create a one-of-a-kind remembrance event. You could display photos or mementoes from significant events or vacations. Additionally, you could include items associated with an interest or hobby, like books, artwork, ceramics, or model airplanes. What was your loved one interested in? Use those facets of their life to personalize the visitation.
2. Get Guests Involved
Another option for creating a personalized visitation is to provide opportunities for guests to get involved and share their own special memories and experiences with the deceased. For example, you could provide notecards where they can write down a memory. Or you could bring a portrait, photobook, or even a coffee table book and ask people to write notes of remembrance or record cherished moments. Alternatively, you could create a memorial work of art together, like a thumbprint tree. There are so many possibilities to consider.
3. Decorate on Theme
Another meaningful option to consider is using a theme for the visitation. If your loved one loved the color mint, when you put together the service announcement, ask people to wear that color to the visitation. Or include a refreshments table with mints, chocolate mint cookies, and mint-colored photo frames. For some, a color theme wouldn’t make sense, so consider alternative themes, like sports teams, favorite movies or books, country music, or anything else that reflects your loved one’s unique life.
4. Offer a Keepsake Token
A keepsake is something that family and friends can take home as a special reminder of a loved one. For example, if your loved one was a voracious reader, consider taking some of their books to the visitation with a note, saying, “Susan loved to read. Please take and read one of her books in honor of her memory.” You can do this with recipes, seed packets, postcards, collection items – almost anything! In this way, your loved one’s memory lives on in many homes and hearts.
Questions to Help You Brainstorm
If you’re having trouble coming up with ideas, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what you can do to personalize the visitation.
Did your loved one collect anything?
Were they passionate about a particular team, hobby, movie, book, or play?
Did they travel? Are there any photos or places they loved?
Were they artistic? If so, you could display completed projects.
Did they enjoy baking? Include their family-famous recipes as refreshments.
Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for identifying ways that you can personalize the visitation to reflect your loved one’s individuality. And if you are feeling overwhelmed, speak with a funeral director. They have personalized many funerals during their career and can offer much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.
For additional inspiration, here are more articles about personalization that may help:
The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can use readings to personalize a loved one’s final tribute and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.
First, Why Does Personalization Matter?
“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.” – Dr. Alan Wolfelt
In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!
A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about readings and their vital role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!
How to Personalize Readings at a Funeral
Readings are a way to invite mourners to express their emotions while also honoring the unique spirit of the one who has died. They add a deeper dimension to the service and allow you to engage together through the power of words. Sometimes, the right words don’t come to mind, but a book, a poem, or a verse can express the heart much more eloquently.
1. Recite quotes from favorite books, plays, poems, movies, or TV shows
When using literary or entertainment sources to personalize a service, consider what your loved one enjoyed. Did they love Emily Dickinson poems? Read a few. Did they regularly quote Star Trek or The Princess Bride? Take those quotes and turn them into a tribute. Is there a poem that has always reminded you of your loved one? Read the poem and share how it reflects that special person’s life or personality.
2. Include select passages from an appropriate holy book
For loved ones who lived out a deep faith, consider including select passages from the holy book they cherished. When a loved one dies, those left behind to mourn sometimes have a crisis of faith. They search for meaning and ask questions like, “What is the meaning of life?” “Should I do things differently?” “What happens next?” Faith can bring comfort when things feel out of control. Plus, including religious quotations can honor and respect that aspect of your loved one’s life.
3. Share something you have written to honor a loved one
If you enjoy writing or feel inspired, consider putting your thoughts and feelings on paper. Whether you compose a letter, a poem, an essay, or a haiku, you can use your own words to honor a loved one’s memory. Of course, the topic of your composition is entirely up to you, but feel free to be creative. And don’t forget to have someone else review your work before you read it at the service. It’s always a good idea to have a second set of eyes on any written text – just in case.
4. Read excerpts of your loved one’s personal writing
On the flip side, was your lost loved one a writer? If it feels appropriate, consider sharing excerpts of their own words. This is a beautiful way to highlight their personality and the unique perspective they had about the world. Sometimes, when a person has a terminal illness, they may write their own obituary or a letter or a poem about their experience. These writings may also be meaningful to share at a personalized service.
Questions to Help You Brainstorm
If poems, quotes, or other reading selections aren’t coming to mind already, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what kinds of readings you could include at a service.
Did your loved one love any certain book, movie, poem, or TV show?
Were they known to quote anything regularly?
Did they have any favorite author, poet, or writer?
Were they a writer themselves – either personal or published?
Is there a literary or entertainment piece that always reminds you of them?
Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for selecting readings that will not only personalize the funeral but add special meaning as well. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.
For additional inspiration, here are more articles on readings that may help:
For many years, every funeral was pretty much the same – copy & paste – but times are changing! Today, most families and funeral homes are moving away from cookie-cutter funerals and toward personalization and modernization. What does that mean? It means that you have more options and more opportunities to honor a loved one’s life in a truly meaningful way.
To give you a glimpse into the possibilities, let’s discuss 5 things you didn’t know you could do for a funeral.
1. Choose Your Venue
Traditionally, funerals have taken place at the funeral home or in a place of worship. While you can still have the funeral at either of these places, you have even more options now. Funerals are now taking place at parks, local businesses, beaches, barns, golf courses, and many other places. If you prefer to have the service at the funeral home, do it! And if you’d rather choose a different venue entirely, talk with the funeral director about the possibilities in your area.
2. Combine Traditional Elements with Cremation
Cremation has been considered the quick and easy option for a while. But really, there are a lot more choices than you’d think! You can still have the convenience of cremation while keeping traditional service elements. For example, you can have a service with the body present by using a rental casket (more info here). Then, after the service, the body is transported to the crematory instead of the cemetery. To learn more about your options, speak with a funeral director.
3. Add Customized Personalization
When you’re saying goodbye to someone you love, it’s important to say it in a personal and meaningful way. That’s why families and funeral homes are moving toward customizing funeral and memorial services. No two people are the same, so it makes sense that the final tribute to a life lived should also be unique. But what can you do to personalize a service?
There are so many options, but here are a few to get you thinking:
Use a horse-drawn carriage, a motorcycle, or even a fire engine to escort the casket to the cemetery
Include personal items at the service, like paintings, books, photos, crocheted items, or woodworking projects
Ask guests to wear a specific color or to follow a theme based on the deceased’s interests
Cater food from a favorite restaurant or include favorite homemade dishes
Play the deceased’s favorite music (no matter the genre)
While the funeral director is there to guide you in planning a loved one’s final tribute, you make the decisions. Don’t be afraid to put your ideas out there and see what’s possible.
4. Livestream the Service
With families often living far apart these days, there’s a greater need to use technology to bring families together. Today, many funeral homes offer livestreaming to the families they serve, which allows more people to attend the service than might have otherwise been possible. Whether friends and family live too far away, are sick, can’t get out of work, or something else, livestreaming allows people near and far to participate in a loved one’s final goodbye.
5. Plan the Funeral Online
Did you know that it’s possible to plan a funeral online? It is! There are now services available that allow you to plan and pay for a funeral entirely online. You simply create an account, review the funeral home’s options, and make your selections. These tools are not widely used at this time, but the technology does exist and is likely to grow in use in the coming years. Maybe someday it will come to a funeral home near you!
As with any profession, funeral care continues to grow and change based on the needs of people – your needs. If you have feedback to offer a funeral home, don’t hesitate to drop a comment card or send an email. And if you had a stellar experience, leave a review on Google.
In the years to come, even more new things will change within the funeral industry. But one thing will remain the same – their commitment to providing you with kind, compassionate, and knowledgeable service during a time of grief and loss. You can count on it!
