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christy.kessler

Jul 02
Love0
Person sitting at desk in front of a laptop, doing a Google search

Digital Estate Planning: Understanding Google’s Inactive Account Manager

By Educational, Estate Planning

With the introduction of the internet, estate planning became a smidge more complicated than it used to be. Why? Because now we must take our digital (online) estate into account when creating an estate plan. However, there are ways to keep it simple! Today, let’s talk about Google accounts, the Inactive Account Manager, and how you can set up your Google accounts to be accessible when the unexpected happens.

Person sitting at desk in front of a laptop, doing a Google search

What is the Inactive Account Manager?

The Inactive Account Manager allows you to give someone else access to your Google accounts if you become inactive. Generally speaking, if a Google account isn’t used for two years, then Google considers it inactive. At that time, Google will begin emailing you, and if there’s no response after a period of time, they will automatically delete your accounts.

However, if you set up “Trusted Contact(s)” (up to 10 people) through the Inactive Account Manager, they will get emails about your inactive account, have access to it, and can save any files, photos, videos, etc. that would otherwise be lost. During the set-up process, you will set permissions on what type of information each Trusted Contact can access.

What qualifies as a Google account?

Google is a big company, responsible for many types of accounts you may be familiar with. For example, do you have a Gmail email address? Do you have a YouTube account? Google Photos? Google Drive? There’s also Google Meet, Google Maps, or the Google Play Store. And this isn’t even the full list. So, if you use Google products, anything you have saved could be deleted should you become inactive.

Man at home at his desk working on the computer, hand on mouse

What does Google consider “inactivity”?

There are many actions you can take to let Google know that you are still alive and active. These include:

  • Reading or sending an email
  • Using Google Drive
  • Downloading an app
  • Sharing a photo or downloading from Google Photos
  • Watching a YouTube video
  • Searching on Google
  • Signing in to a Google account

As long as you complete an action like one of these, Google will consider you active. And your activity is tracked by account – not device. So, if you are active on your laptop one day and your phone the next, as long as both are signed into your Google account, it will be recorded as activity.

However, if you have more than one Google account, you’ll need to be active in each one individually to avoid inactivity alerts.

What if I’m inactive but not deceased?

Before emailing your Trusted Contact, Google will first attempt to contact you several times. If you are still alive and well, you can access your accounts to create some activity. Doing so will prevent any emails from being sent to your Trusted Contact(s). However, if there’s no response from you, Google will email your Trusted Contact(s).

Man and wife at kitchen table with laptop in front of them

What type of notification will my Trusted Contact(s) receive?

When you set up your Inactive Account Manager, you will be asked when you want Trusted Contact(s) to be notified. Google defaults to two years of inactivity, but you can choose a shorter time period, if you wish.

When that time period passes, your Trusted Contact(s) will receive an email notification. This email will contain a Subject Line and personal message written by you (during the set-up phase) as well as a footer explaining that Google is sending the email on your behalf. The email will also include a list of data that the Trusted Contact has access to view.

When your Trusted Contact(s) logs into your account, their identity will be verified before they are given access. And of course, let whomever you choose know that you have selected them as your Trusted Contact(s). This way, the email won’t be confusing to them or feel out of the blue.

Mature woman in blue shirt sitting on couch, working on laptop and writing down notes

What happens if I don’t set up an Inactive Account Manager?

First, Google will attempt to reach you by sending multiple emails to your Gmail address and to any recovery email you added when the account was created. If there’s no response from you, your Google accounts will be deleted, and any files will be lost. If that’s your preference, then there’s no need to set up an Inactive Account Manager.

However, if you’d like your family to have time to download any files, photos, or videos before they are deleted, then you might consider setting up an Inactive Account Manager. Or, on the flip side, if your family would like access to your files (even if you don’t care), it can be a big hassle for them to try to request access after your death. By being proactive about giving them access, you save a lot of time and headaches.

Why does Google delete old accounts?

It’s mostly for security reasons. Older accounts are more likely to become compromised, making them susceptible to spam or malicious intent. To prevent misuse, Google monitors activity and deletes inactive accounts.

Man in button-down shirt holding a tablet, focus on tablet

How do I set up an Inactive Account Manager?

When you create a Google account, the Inactive Account Manager function is dormant. You must set it up manually. This way you have control over who accesses your data if you become incapacitated or pass away.

To set up your Google Inactive Account Manager, get on one of your electronic devices (phone, tablet, laptop) and click https://myaccount.google.com/inactive. Google will prompt you to sign in (if you aren’t already) and will walk you through the set-up process.

During the set-up process, you can expect to:

  • Choose an inactive period (instead of Google’s default of two years, you can choose a shorter timeframe to be contacted about inactivity)
  • Add relevant details, like your phone number, email address, and recovery email address
  • Add the name, email address, and phone number of your Trusted Contacts (up to 10 people; they do not have to have a Google email address)
  • Select which services each Trusted Contact has access to (you control what they can see)
  • Write out your custom auto-reply message (your Trusted Contacts will receive this message if your account becomes inactive)
  • Review and confirm your preferences

In the future, if you decide you’d no longer like to use the Inactive Account Manager and would prefer that Google just delete your account, you can go to the Inactive Account Manager page again and select “Turn off my plan” under the “Manage your plan” section. There’s also an “Edit” section if you want to update your auto-reply email or change your Trusted Contacts.

Person sitting at table at home with laptop and cup of coffee

I’ve set up my Inactive Account Manager – what’s next?

Now, as with any part of your estate plan, it’s time to write down what you’ve done and update things when needed. Circumstances and relationships are constantly changing, so whether it’s your legal will, your beneficiaries, or your Inactive Account Manager, visit your selections every few years to make sure you still agree with your previous choices.

Additional Estate Planning Resources

In addition to looking after your Google accounts, you most likely have other online accounts that should be considered when setting up an estate plan. To help you through the process, here are a few additional resources you may find beneficial.

Jun 25
Love0
Woman sitting at a table at home with flowers, colored pencils, and a coloring book in front of her

10 Adult Coloring Books for Your Grief Journey

By Grief/Loss

After the death of a loved one, you may feel a little (or a lot) stressed, worried, sad, anxious, or depressed. Thankfully, art therapy is a proven relaxation method, and it’s easily accessible. With art therapy, you engage in creative activities, like journaling, singing, dancing, and yes, even coloring. In recent studies, it was discovered that coloring can reduce stress, depression, anxiety, and even blood pressure. All of these are excellent reasons to consider purchasing an adult coloring book and adding a little creativity to your grief journey.

To learn more about the benefits of coloring, take a moment to read How Coloring Helps You Grieve.

Person coloring in the background with container of colored pencils in the foreground

10 Adult Color Books for Your Grief Journey

Each of these 10 adult coloring books focuses specifically on grief and offering encouragement and solace for the hurting heart. Let’s take a look.

1. Remember Grief is Love

With 50 different floral designs, this coloring book will act as a comforting tool throughout the grief journey. Filled with encouraging quotes and therapeutic images, this coloring book is perfect of anyone who is grieving – friend, mother, husband, or even yourself. It is printed on premium white paper with large font and is available in either paperback or hardback.

Click here to view the coloring book.

2. Grief: Spiritual & Comforting Coloring Book for Teens & Adults

In this coloring book, you will find 35 different designs. Their images range from delightful landscapes, to flowers, animals, and inspiring quotes. And for those who also like to write down their thoughts, journaling space is provided throughout the book. This will give you space to share any memories that arise as you color. Another bonus – each page is backed with black paper to prevent distracting bleed-through!

Click here to view the coloring book.

Young man sitting on his bed, coloring in a book

3. Grief in Color

“Grief in Color” is quite versatile, including 100 pages of encouraging quotes, beautiful coloring pages, and journal writing prompts. With its compact design (a 6×9 inch notebook), you can easily carry it with you wherever you go. The coloring pages do include black backing to assist with bleed-through. As you work through its pages, this coloring book will help you calm your mind and really engage with your feelings of grief.

Click here to view the coloring book.

4. My Healing Journey: 29 Coloring Affirmations for a Grieving Heart

Created after the loss of a very dear friend, the author says that for her and her daughter “the simple act of coloring, with its steady strokes and vibrant hues, became a haven for us — a way to bond, reflect, and begin the journey of healing.” With its 29 illustrated affirmations, this coloring book will provide a comforting refuge when the waves of grief come crashing in. There’s plenty of space on each page for you to color, and the single-sided pages allow you to color with any medium – pens, pencils, or even markers.

Click here to view the coloring book.

Woman sitting at a table at home with flowers, colored pencils, and a coloring book in front of her

5. Be Still & Know Coloring Book

For those who find comfort in the Book of Psalms, this coloring book may be for you. With 60 full-size coloring pages, the quotes included are well-known and beloved messages of peace and rest for the weary. There are even two pages of small cards you can color, cut, and share with friends! With its single-sided pages made from thick cardstock, feel free to get as creative as you want on the journey toward healing.

Click here to view the coloring book.

6. Remembering Mom

Losing your mom can be an absolutely devastating loss. Oftentimes, moms have been by your side for your entire life and to move forward without them may feel impossible. With its comforting messages, this coloring book will help you honor and remember your mom, allowing you to express the love and loss that you feel. It consists of 24 coloring pages that give you space to personalize your experience by adding notes, pictures, or even drawings.

Click here to view the coloring book.

Coloring page with elephant drawn on it, pens and pencils laying on the table nearby

7. Remembering Dad

Written by the same author as “Remembering Mom,” this coloring book instead focuses on the special relationship between a father and his children. Whether you are grieving the loss of a father, grandfather, or father figure, the whimsical designs will help you process the grief you are feeling after losing a dad you love. Additionally, the pages are set up to allow you to frame and display any designs that bring particular comfort.

Click here to view the coloring book.

8. Reflections of Love

In this book, you will find quotes and verses combined with a whimsical illustration style. Its 50 coloring pages are designed to provide a comforting, healing, and relaxing experience. You will have time to thoughtfully reflect on the loss you’ve gone through and remember the person you love. Coloring will not stop the pain you are feeling. But it can help ease it by allowing you to creatively express what you’re feeling in a safe and private space.

Click here to view the coloring book.

Middle-aged woman reclining comfortably on couch as she colors in a coloring book

9. My Grief Journey: Coloring Book and Journal (for Grieving Parents)

Losing a child is one of the most difficult things a parent will ever face. Author Laura Diehl knows that personally. In this coloring book, she uses her own experience of child loss to provide comfort and insight to other parents going through the unimaginable. With a strong emphasis on the Holy Bible and her faith, Diehl uses hand-drawn art and journal prompts to help parents do the work of grief and find a way to move forward following the death of a child.

Click here to view the coloring book.

10. Colors of Loss and Healing

In this book designed by a grief counselor, you will find 40 lovely designs intended to help you quiet your mind and confront the pain of loss in a way that is both kind and productive. The grief journey takes time – there is no specific timeline. As you journey toward healing, this coloring book will offer a place of contemplation, solitude, and reflection that will bring more peace to your everyday life.

Click here to view the coloring book.

Person sitting at table and actively coloring

Healing after loss takes time. However, with so many coloring books to choose from, you are sure to find solace and encouragement for many weeks, months, or even years, to come.

If you’d prefer coloring books not specifically related to grief, here are a few highly rated options you might consider: Secret Garden, Worlds of Wonder, 100 Flowers, Disney Dreams: Thomas Kinkade, or 100 Amazing Patterns. There are, of course, so many others available online and in stores.

Whatever you decide, the benefits of coloring will remain the same. Simply choose what seems best to you and use coloring to strengthen your heart and mind for the grief journey ahead.

*Funeral Basics does not receive commission for or endorse any of the affiliated product links. 

Jun 25
Love0
Focus on colored pencils and right hand coloring a page

How Coloring Can Help You Grieve

By Grief/Loss

While we know that coloring is an excellent activity for children, did you know that it’s also a beneficial activity for adults? This can be especially true during the grief journey. After a loss, self-care is extremely important (though you may be tempted to overlook it). Because coloring promotes relaxation, reduces stress and anxiety, and even decreases blood pressure, it can be a useful self-care tool. To help you determine if coloring is something you should include on your grief journey, consider these 7 benefits.

Woman sitting at table at home with a cup of tea, coloring a mandala picture

1. Coloring creates a quiet, contemplative space

Grief comes with a lot of feelings, and some of them can be overwhelming. Anxiety, fear, worry, depression. When these emotions are filling your mind, it’s helpful to take time to pause, reflect, and calm your racing thoughts. Coloring can give you much-needed space to do so. And once those thoughts are manageable, you can begin to problem solve and sort through your feelings with more clarity.

2. Coloring reduces depression and anxiety

As strange as it may sound, there’s research out there showing that coloring can reduce anxiety and depression. In a 2017 study, 104 university students were asked to either color or complete a logic puzzle every day for a week. Of the 54 participants who chose coloring, each reported reduced anxiety and depression as compared to the beginning of the study.  Another study from 2020 in older adults showed that 20 minutes of mandala coloring each day significantly reduced anxiety. On the whole, coloring has a calming effect, which leads to less depression and anxiety.

Focus on colored pencils and right hand coloring a page

3. Coloring lowers stress levels

As with depression and anxiety, people also find that coloring lowers stress levels. The repetitive movement of coloring has a soothing effect. Because the activity is pleasant, simple, and fun, it takes the mind off any challenges or struggles, thereby lowering stress levels overall. When you have a lot going on in your personal life added to the stress of losing a loved one, coloring can help you sit quietly, perhaps with comforting music playing in the background. This time of solitude can work wonders on your personal well-being.

4. Coloring gives your mind a break

After the loss of a loved one, there’s a lot going on around you and inside your head. On some days, it may feel like too much to handle. It’s not easy processing your grief, running all the errands, working that job, taking care of the kids, and doing everything else you’re responsible for. By coloring just a few minutes a day, you can give your brain a break. Sometimes, you just need to set everything else aside so you can simply “be” in the present moment.

Mother and young daughter coloring together and relaxing

5. Coloring helps you sleep better

Because coloring eases stress and anxiety and promotes relaxation, it may be an excellent addition to your nightly routine. Too often, we stay on our smartphones and other electronic devices too long into the evening. The blue light these devices emit interferes with the production of melatonin, which is essential to good sleep. So, try putting away the phone or turning off the television at least an hour before bed. Instead, add reading or coloring to your routine to help you unwind before sleeping.

6. Coloring aids in processing emotions

We all express and process emotions a little differently, but for many people, art therapy is hugely beneficial. Creative activities like journaling, coloring and painting, dancing, or singing can have healing effects during times of grief. These activities require focus and concentration, which helps break the circular cycle of thoughts and emotions you may find yourself trapped in. So, try using your creativity to help you process what you’re feeling. By filling in the lines on a coloring page, you will find yourself relaxing and your thoughts clearing. And as you color, you will have time to calmly sort and organize your thoughts into something that makes more sense and feels manageable.

Colored pencils arranged in a circle with tips touching in the middle

7. Coloring provides light-hearted moments

Losing a loved one can bring extra stress and responsibility with it. Were you part of planning the funeral service? Has the loss meant you have to take on more responsibility at home? With all the changes a death can bring to your normal routine, it’s important to take moments to step back. By coloring a little each day, you can add a little bit of light-hearted fun to your day. And even if you are in deep grief, don’t feel bad about seeking positive activities. You need to balance the good and the difficult during the grief journey, and coloring can tip the balance toward good on the tough days.

Now that you understand many of the benefits associated with color, you may be interested in giving the activity a try. If that’s the case for you, go to 10 Adult Coloring Books for Your Grief Journey to browse a few of the most popular adult coloring books out there.

Man and woman sitting at a table together and coloring

But What If I Need More Help?

While coloring can help you on the grief journey, it’s certainly not intended to act as a cure. If you find that your grief is not lessening but is getting worse, it may be time to see a therapist. They can help you sort through all the feelings – good and bad – so you can find a healthy balance.

Here are a few signs that it may be time to connect with a therapist:

  • Your mental health is affecting your ability to live your everyday like, including work, school, or relationships with others
  • Your stress and anxiety are increasing, not lessening
  • You are experiencing significant mood swings
  • You are starting to experience conflict or discord in your personal or professional relationships
  • Your normal coping strategies aren’t working
  • You find yourself turning to unhealthy coping habits, such as substance use, impulsive spending, or self-harm

If you find yourself checking the box on any of these symptoms, consider finding a therapist in your area who can help you walk through your feelings of grief. You don’t have to live this way – it doesn’t have to be your new normal. Instead, with intentionality and professional attention, you can find healing and a way to move forward with hope.

Jun 20
Love0
People standing next to a casket, holding white flowers

How to Personalize Healing Actions at a Funeral

By Educational, Meaningful Funerals, Personalization, Planning Tools

The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can incorporate healing actions to personalize a loved one’s final tribute and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.

Person placing a memorial lantern with candle at a loved one's grave as a healing action

 First, Why Does Personalization Matter?

“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.”  – Dr. Alan Wolfelt

In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!

A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors a life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about healing actions and their vital role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!

People standing next to a casket, holding white flowers

How to Personalize Healing Actions at a Funeral

During times of grief, healing actions allow us to put our inward feelings into outward action. For example, it’s therapeutic to take flowers to a loved one’s grave or write down what we’re feeling or sit down to chat with a friend about cherished memories. These types of actions help us heal. But how can you incorporate healing actions into a funeral service?

1. Add a group activity

One option is to create an activity that everyone can participate in. For example, provide notecards for mourners to write down memories to share with the grieving family. Create a group photo collage by requesting that people bring a photo of themselves with the person who has died. If your loved one was an RC plane hobbyist, ask their buddies to do a flyover at the graveside service. Set a theme – a favorite color, movie, sports team – and ask mourners to dress accordingly. There are many ways to invite people into healing actions while keeping it simple.

2. Include a release or lighting ceremony

With a release ceremony, the idea is to release something into the sky, as a symbolic way of releasing a loved one’s spirit to heaven. You could choose to release butterflies, doves, or whatever else makes sense for your family (as long as it doesn’t harm the environment). On the other hand, a lighting ceremony allows mourners to light candles of remembrance in honor of the person who has died. Talk with your funeral director about your options and find what works best for your needs.

White doves for a release ceremony

3. Ask people to participate in specific roles

Throughout the funeral or memorial service, there will be opportunities for people to step in and participate in healing actions. You could ask family or friends to act as eulogists, readers, singers, musicians, or pallbearers. If you plan to host a gathering after the service, consider potluck style and request that people bring dishes. Ask friends to act as greeters or ushers. Active participation will make people feel included and like they truly had a chance to honor that special person.

4. Incorporate traditional healing elements

Finally, there is great comfort in tradition. Feel free to include customary healing actions, like a funeral procession, viewing of the body, visitation, or graveside service. The ultimate goal is that mourners feel they have been part of a proper sendoff and said goodbye in a way that brings peace. Speak with your funeral director about including traditional healing elements in the service so you can decide which ones make the most sense for your loved one’s final tribute.

Woman with long brown hair standing next to a casket, placing her hand tenderly on the top of it

Questions to Help You Brainstorm

Perhaps ideas are already coming to mind about how you can incorporate healing actions into the final tribute – that’s great! However, for those who may be drawing a blank, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what kinds of actions you could include at a service.

  • Did your loved one enjoy a particular sport/activity that could be included?
  • Is there something special you could release?
  • Would you like to set a theme?
  • Were they of a profession where a special tribute could be included (police officer, fireman, veteran, etc.)?

Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for selecting actions that will not only personalize the funeral but add special meaning. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.

For additional inspiration, here are more articles on healing actions that may help:

Jun 18
Love0
Woman in light blue, long-sleeved shirt siting on couch with computer in front of her, reviewing a piece of paper

8 Tips for Crafting a Eulogy

By Educational, Meaningful Funerals

Have you been asked to give a eulogy at a special person’s final tribute? While it’s an honor to be asked, it can be a little intimidating. You might be concerned you won’t say the right thing, especially if this is your first time giving a eulogy. The most important part is to be sincere about your comments, but for a little extra advice, here are 8 tips to help you when crafting a eulogy.

Bookmark with yellow flowers resting in open book

7 Tips for Crafting a Eulogy

A eulogy is a speech given at a funeral or memorial service that celebrates the life of a friend or loved one. It comes from the Greek word eulogia, which means “to praise.” Eulogies can be as short as three or four minutes, or as long as fifteen to twenty (when in doubt, it’s best to stay short). Here are 8 tips for crafting a eulogy that will help you write and present a meaningful tribute.

1. Brainstorm First

Begin by pouring your thoughts out on paper. Record fond memories of important events and details in the person’s life. What were some of your favorite moments with this person? What did you admire most about him or her? At this point, it is essential that you don’t judge your work. The hardest part is starting, so just let your ideas flow. The most effective way to write is to turn off your “inner critic” until you have plenty of material to work with.

Young man wearing white shirt sitting in front of a computer and brainstorming

2. Structure Your Work

Once you have a sufficient body of information on the page, then you can go back, think critically, and make edits. Decide which details are important and worthwhile, and which ones would be irrelevant or even harmful to mention. Remember that the eulogy is a time of “praise” and that this is a time for positive memories only. Organize your thoughts and create smooth transitions between stories and commentary.

3. Keep the Focus on the Deceased

While it’s important to establish who you are and your relationship to the person who has died, keep the focus primarily on the deceased. In other words, make your comments personal, but don’t let your memories of the deceased become self-centered or self-serving. Avoid unnecessary tangents or sharing details that don’t pertain to the deceased directly. Establish your identity to provide the proper context, but never lose sight of honoring the deceased’s life and accomplishments.

Woman in light blue, long-sleeved shirt siting on couch with computer in front of her, reviewing a piece of paper

4. Go for a Conversational Tone

If any portions of your speech sound dry or formal, adopt a more casual approach. A conversational tone is preferred because it feels more personal. When trying for a more casual, conversational tone, pretend that you are talking with someone one-on-one. Don’t try to use flowery or elaborate words. Keep your sentences relatively short and clear. Read your work aloud, and if you trip over sections, adjust them to read more easily.

5. Be Specific

If any portions of your speech sound too vague or general, find ways to make them more specific. Pack your eulogy with vivid stories and details. Adopt a style that captures the spirit of your friend or loved one. When celebrating the character of the deceased, provide examples to back up your praise. Recall specific things that the person said or did. Don’t be afraid to express your sadness, but if you have any humorous stories, consider sharing them, too.

Man on a phone call, sitting on couch and writing in a notebook

6. Contact the Other Speakers

If multiple people will be delivering eulogies at the funeral or memorial service, consider contacting the other speakers to get a general idea of what they will be saying and how your eulogy will fit into the overall picture. For example, if everyone shares the same stories, the eulogies may become a little redundant and less meaningful. Also, try to get a sense of how long the others will be speaking, so that you can time your own speech accordingly.

7. Share a Draft with the Family

After you’ve put together a speech that you’re proud of, consider sharing a draft with the family. This way, if there are details they’d like you to add or remove, you can do so before the day of the funeral. And knowing that you have their blessing may help you feel more relaxed and at ease when you get in front of the podium. After all, if the family approves, that’s all that matters.

Woman standing in front of mirror practicing speech

8. Rehearse Your Speech

Once you’ve completed the speech and edited it to your liking, practice it several times through. Examine your body language and delivery in the mirror or present it to a trusted person and ask for feedback. Keep a calm and steady rhythm. When people get anxious during a public speech, they tend to speak more quickly. Be aware of this tendency ahead of time so that you can slow yourself down and ensure that your words are impactful and understood.

Feeling Nervous? You’re Not Alone

If you’re nervous about public speaking, you’re not alone. Almost 75% of the population has speech anxiety. Much of this anxiety stems from the irrational belief that the speech must be perfect, that any sign of error or any hint of nervousness on the part of the speaker will be scrutinized by the audience. This simply isn’t true. These unrealistic expectations put a burden on you that you can’t possibly live up to. Instead, take a deep breath, relax, and remember that the people listening love and support you. Your best effort is good enough.

For more information about eulogies and how to write one, check out these helpful resources:

How to Personalize the Eulogy at a Funeral
How to Write a Eulogy
What is a Eulogy?
4 Reasons Why Eulogies are Important
Eulogies & Sharing a Loved One’s Legacy

Jun 13
Love0

How Poetry Can Help You on Your Grief Journey

By Funeral Poems, Grief/Loss, Meaningful Funerals

Did you know that poetry can play an important role in the grieving process? While poetry readings are becoming less common in everyday life, they are still widely used in important rituals and ceremonies, including funerals. Our willingness to use poetry to mark important events indicates that we still understand the power of poetry and are drawn to it, even if only on special occasions.

Book with pages bent into a heart shape with pretty red flower accents

What’s So Great About Poetry?

A great poem captures essential truths about the human condition. Through the precise arrangement of a few carefully chosen words, the poet explores universal themes and attempts to describe an aspect of human experience. Good poems are relatable. Writing a poem allows us to express ourselves to others, and reading it cultivates empathy and reminds us how much alike we really are. Poetry reminds us of what it means to be human–to feel joy and pain, to laugh and to cry, to celebrate the wonders of life and to face our mortality. In this way, it connects us to the people around us.

Man holding book of poetry at a funeral service

Reading Poetry to Enhance a Funeral Service

In a funeral setting, poetry reading can be a powerful ritual. It honors the life of a loved one and strengthens the bonds between those who mourn. Whether the poems chosen are mournful or inspirational and uplifting, they can serve as an opportunity to reflect on the life of the deceased. Funeral poems can help us search for meaning in the loss and can bring us into a state of contemplation. Poetry reading is a communal experience: it allows everybody present to share a profound moment together.

Older woman sitting on couch at home with poetry book, mug, and cozy white blanket

Therapeutic Benefits

Poetry can also be useful after the funeral ceremony, in the weeks, months, even years after the loss of a loved one. Studies suggest that any form of reading can be therapeutic, and poems can be especially useful because of their contemplative, even spiritual, qualities. The grief journey is not linear. Long after a loved one has passed, sporadic periods of intense grief can crop up. During these difficult times, it might be useful to consider reading poetry. The poetryfoundation.org is a great place to start.

Young man sitting on floor in front of his couch at home, writing poetry in a notebook

Writing Your Own Poems

In addition to reading, you may also find it helpful to write poems of your own. Grief experts consider grief journaling to be a healthy way to channel painful emotions. In many ways, writing poems can function as a sophisticated form of journaling. Writing is a healthy means of self-expression that allows you to better process your thoughts and to comprehend what you are feeling. The great poet Robert Frost once said, “Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words.” In short, poems help us to better understand our emotions. Understanding what we feel is incredibly useful during times of grief, when we experience confusing or paradoxical emotions. By putting your feelings into words, you open the door to self-discovery.

Mature man resting in a hammock and reading a book

Using Poetry as a Place of Refuge

Not all of the poems that you use during the grieving process have to deal directly with death. Poetry can be an effective outlet for dealing with painful emotions. Additionally, poetry can also provide a refuge from the pain and stress that comes after a loss. Taking a few moments out of your day to read soothing poems can be refreshing. Consider going to a favorite spot, where you can read or write peacefully without distractions. You may find that this activity calms your mind and relieves stress.

Try It!

If you have recently lost a loved one, consider utilizing poetry to help you on your grief journey. Whether you’re thinking about incorporating poems into a funeral service, looking for poems to read personally, or considering writing some poems of your own, find ways to take advantage of the benefits that poetry can offer.

Jun 03
Love0

How Preplanning Eases Emotional, Financial & Legal Burdens After a Death

By Estate Planning, Plan Ahead

After a death, there are three main types of burdens left behind for surviving family members to deal with: emotional, financial, and legal. For those who have planned a loved one’s funeral or closed out an estate, you know how complicated things can get. However, with a little preplanning, you can create a plan for both your funeral and estate, ensuring that everything goes much smoother for those left behind.

Let’s talk about each of the three burdens and how advance planning can ease the stress family members may feel after a death.

Young Asian couple who are experiencing emotional stress, sitting on the couch at home

1. Emotional

While nothing will stop family and friends from feeling grief after the death of a loved one, advance planning can decrease emotional stress. By recording your funeral wishes in writing and putting together a legal will, you give your family a roadmap to your specific wants and desires. In other words, they won’t have to guess what you want and then stress over whether they made the right choices.

Without a clear plan, families may overspend on a funeral or argue with each other over the best way to plan the service or distribute the estate. Both of these situations may increase emotional tension and create unfavorable experiences for everyone. To reduce the possibility of these emotional stressors, take time to put your preferences in writing, so no one can dispute your wishes.

To learn more about the benefits of planning ahead for your funeral wishes, check out these helpful articles:

What is Advance Funeral Planning?
5 Emotional Benefits to Funeral Preplanning
What to Expect at a Preplanning Appointment
How to Get Started with Funeral Preplanning
10 Reasons to Plan Ahead

Person putting coin in a piggy bank, preplanning and saving up for future financial needs

2. Financial

Another big burden after a death is financial. For those who do not preplan or pre-pay for their burial or cremation plans, the emotional and financial burden will fall on surviving family members. And for many families, the cost of a funeral can be heavy, especially if they don’t have extra funds readily available.

However, you can remove this burden from your family by preparing in advance. For your funeral plans, you can either set aside funds in your bank accounts to be used when needed or you can set up a prepaid funeral insurance policy. Many people also choose to use a life insurance policy to pay for a funeral. However, keep in mind, it could be 6-8 weeks before the money is available. This means your family will still need to come up with the funds on their own and be reimbursed by the insurance company later.

To learn about prepaying for a funeral or setting aside funds, check out these resources:

6 Ways You Can Save Money with Funeral Preplanning & Prefunding
3 Funeral Insurance Options You Should Know About
Understanding Prepaid Funeral Insurance Policies
The Truth About Life Insurance and Funeral Expenses
10 Questions to Ask Before You Prepay Your Funeral

Shaking hands with an attorney

3. Legal

The final burden relates to legal matters, particularly surrounding a lost loved one’s estate. Some estates are simple while others are very complicated. But no matter which one is you, having a plan in place will only make things easier for your successors. Perhaps the most important document is a legal will, which outlines how you want your estate distributed. Without this document, it falls to the state to decide what happens to your property. If that happens, your property and assets may not go to the people you want.

So, to prevent future headaches and heartaches for your loved ones, talk with an estate planning attorney. With a professional by your side, you can put together a comprehensive plan that protects your assets and ensures that everything goes to the right people.

To learn more about estate planning and how to get your affairs in order, read the following articles:

How to Make an Estate Planning Checklist
Getting Your Affairs in Order
The 5 Most Important Estate Planning Documents
Estate Planning for the Blended Family
4 Reasons to Keep Your Beneficiaries Up to Date

Mature African American man makes phone call from his home; prepping for preplanning

What’s Next?

The death of a loved one brings many different challenges with it. By preplanning in a few key areas, you can reduce the emotional, financial, and legal burden your family may feel. And remember – you won’t be on your own during this process.

For any funeral needs, choose a trusted funeral home in your area. The funeral staff will help you understand what details to plan and how to pre-pay (if you wish). And for estate planning, always consult an attorney licensed in your state. They can ensure that all the right documents are created to your specifications and meet state requirements.

With your funeral and estate plans in place, your family will be set up for success and will have an easier time after your passing.

DISCLAIMER: Individual circumstances and state laws vary. Only undertake estate planning with the help and assistance of an attorney licensed in your state. 

Jun 02
Love0
Orange walkman with pile of cassette tapes beside it

10 Songs from the 1980s for a Celebration of Life

By Meaningful Funerals, Music, Planning Tools

Orange walkman with pile of cassette tapes beside it

When it comes to planning a loved one’s celebration of life or final tribute, music plays a pivotal role. It sets the tone and invites people to express their emotions openly. To create a truly personal tribute, it’s important to choose songs that are meaningful or significant in some way. For those who grew up through the decade – or just love the music from that decade – here’s a list of 1980s songs to consider including at a loved one’s celebration of life.

1. Always Something There to Remind Me (Naked Eyes – 1982)

Oh, how can I forget you?When there is always something there to remind meAlways something there to remind me

An enduring cover of the original song, this 1980s version has become a true classic. As with many love songs, its focus on love, loss, and memory makes it an appropriate song for a funeral or memorial service. As the lyrics state, how can we ever forget those we love? We won’t and that’s as it should be. Those we have loved and lost will continue to live on in our hearts and memories for the remainder of our lives.

2. Time After Time (Cyndi Lauper – 1984)

If you’re lost, you can look, and you will find meTime after timeIf you fall, I will catch you, I’ll be waitingTime after time

Anyone familiar with the best jams from the 80s will know this catchy title. Cyndi Lauper’s first #1 hit in the United States, its message is both bittersweet and hopeful. For the grieving, its discussion of feeling confused, experiencing flashbacks, and having suitcases of memories may feel familiar. You may feel the same way. But as the song says, even when you’re feeling lost, you can find your loved one – look to your memories!

3. Endless Love (Diana Ross & Lionel Richie – 1981)

Ooh, yesYou will always beMy endless love

For those who are mourning the loss of a spouse or partner, this gorgeous song may be a worthy addition to a celebration of life. Not only does the music cascade around you and carry you with it, but its lyrics are unforgettable. Having an “endless love” is a beautiful thing and a true gift in this life. If that’s true of your relationship with someone, consider including this classic to honor and celebrate that love.

4. Wind Beneath My Wings (Bette Midler – 1988)

Did you ever know that you’re my heroAnd everything I would like to be?I can fly higher than an eagleFor you are the wind beneath my wings

Part of the soundtrack for the movie Beaches, this moving rendition highlights the relationships in our lives that make us feel encouraged, lifted up, and capable of so much more. Perhaps one of the most-played funeral songs, it’s perfect to honor a mentor, a parent, or someone who has been a constant source of love and support in your life.

5. Total Eclipse of the Heart (Bonnie Tyler – 1983)

(Turn around)
Every now and then
I get a little bit tired
Of listening to the sound of my tears

While this recognizable tune may seem an unusual addition to the list, it describes the grieving process very well. Sometimes, you will feel lonely, tired, nervous, or a bit terrified. You may occasionally feel like you’re falling apart. Just as the singer is experiencing an eclipse of the heart through the dissolution of a relationship, so are you – through the death of a loved one.

6. Goodbye My Friend (Linda Ronstadt & Aaron Neville – 1989)

So goodbye my friendI know I’ll never see you againBut the time together through all the yearsWill take away these tears

Though not Linda Ronstadt’s most well-known song, this one still hits the mark. It speaks about the unexpectedness of death but also how the good times – the cherished memories – will carry you through the grief journey ahead. In fact, it’s those memories and the love you shared that will take away the tears. With its focus on friendship, this song is a good addition to a final tribute for someone you considered a dear friend.

7. Who Wants to Live Forever (Queen – 1986)

And we can have foreverAnd we can love foreverForever is our today

A true legend, Queen produced music that still speaks to us today. With its ethereal and absolutely stunning sound, “Who Wants to Live Forever” forces us to confront a question we rarely ask ourselves. Do we really want to live forever? And the song suggests that rather than trying to life forever, let’s instead make the most of the “one sweet moment set aside for us.” This song is perfect for the Queen enthusiast or someone who thought about the deep things in life.

8. How Am I Supposed to Live Without You (Michael Bolton – 1983)

Tell me, how am I supposed to live without you?
Now that I’ve been loving you so long

In his signature style, Michael Bolton takes us along for an emotional experience with this heart-wrenching song. As with many love songs, it works well as a funeral song for a beloved spouse or partner. After loss, the future may look scary or unfamiliar, and you may not be sure how you are supposed to live without that special person. The lyrics perfectly capture that sense of love, loss, and trying to find the way forward.

9. I’ll Be Loving You (Forever) – (New Kids on the Block – 1989)

We’ve gone too far to ever turn back nowThis love will last foreverI can see it all now

With its soft cadence and soothing melody, this song from New Kids on the Block will set the tone for any celebration of life. With softness and kindness, its lyrics help us remember that when we lose someone we love, they are never truly gone. Love lasts forever – far beyond the years we have together. While this song naturally lends itself to being used for the final tribute for a significant other, you could also use it for a female sibling, parent, or friend.

10. Forever Young (Rod Stewart – 1988)

Be courageous and be braveAnd in my heart you’ll always stayForever young, forever young

Written by Rod Stewart with his children in mind, “Forever Young” became an instant classic. The song doubles as a reminder that our loved ones will be forever young, forever alive, in our memories. No matter what life may bring in the years ahead, your loved one will be remembered and never forgotten. Consider this song for honoring the life of a parent, a child, a young person, or someone who was eternally young at heart.

Songs from other decades

Other musical options for a meaningful funeral

 

May 27
Love0

How to Personalize Symbols at a Funeral

By Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Personalization, Planning Tools

The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can use symbols to personalize a loved one’s final tribute and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.

Urn resting in a circle of red roses, acting as a symbol for a gathering of mourners

 First, Why Does Personalization Matter?

“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.”  – Dr. Alan Wolfelt

In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!

A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about symbols and their role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!

Pallbearers carrying casket into church for funeral service

How to Personalize Symbols at a Funeral

Symbols are an important aspect of a funeral because they convey love and comfort, facilitate expression, and offer a focus point for the bereaved. Common symbols are an appropriate religious symbol, flowers, personal items, candles, or whatever feels best to honor your loved one.

1. Include appropriate religious symbols

For people of faith, consider including religious symbols at the service. At a Catholic or Protestant Christian funeral, this could mean placing the Bible or a cross in a prominent location. For Jewish funerals, perhaps you could include the Star of David or read meaningful passages from the Torah.  Depending on the religion the person followed, there are many possible symbols to incorporate that would honor their beliefs. If the person whose life you want to celebrate wasn’t religious, check out How to Plan a Healing Funeral if You Are Not Religious.

2. Include cultural or traditional elements

Another possible source for symbols is cultural or traditional elements. For example, it’s customary in the United States to place the casket or urn in a place of prominence so that it will be the focal point of a service. Or you could have a funeral procession, which acts as a symbol of respect and final rest. Drape a flag over a veteran’s casket or urn. Also, consider including cultural elements. For example, in many Asian countries, white is the color of mourning. You may choose to include white flowers or white accents to honor that tradition.

Woman wearing black holding white chrysanthemums

3. Turn special items into symbols

If you’d like an even more personal option, you can turn special items into symbols. For one grieving family, an appropriate symbol was the quilts their grandmother made. Before her death, she made a quilt for every child and grandchild, and at her final tribute, the quilts were displayed on the pews – a representation of her love and impact on her family. You could use a prized record collection, personal artwork, or even bring their Harley-Davidson into the venue.

4. Invite guests to participate

If you’d like to add a much broader symbolic element to a loved one’s final tribute, consider inviting guests to participate. You could ask everyone to wear the deceased’s favorite color. If they were a Harry Potter or Star Wars fan, ask people to wear something in that theme. You could ask guests to bring in a favorite photo to add to a group collage set up near the casket or urn. There are so many ways to include others in adding meaningful symbolism to a funeral service.

Military service member holding a folded American flag

Questions to Help You Brainstorm

If ideas aren’t coming to mind already, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what kinds of symbols you could include at a service.

  • Are there any traditional funeral elements that bring you comfort?
  • Is there a part of your cultural or religious background that should be included?
  • Did your loved one collect anything?
  • Was your loved one part of any groups that have recognizable symbols?
  • Did their choice of career include any symbols, such as a stethoscope for a doctor?

Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for choosing symbols that will not only personalize the funeral but add special meaning as well. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.

May 23
Love0
Two women at an estate sale, one buying an item

11 Tips for Planning a DIY Estate Sale

By Educational

After the death of a loved one, you may find yourself needing to sort out that person’s physical estate – their home and belongings. This task can be difficult, especially if the death was recent, but with a plan in place, you can make the process easier. If an estate sale seems the best way to downsize and financially benefit the surviving family, consider these 11 tips for putting on a successful DIY estate sale.

NOTE: If there are any disputes regarding the estate, wait until those conflicts are resolved before hosting an estate sale. Also, honor any bequests in the legal will before putting items up for sale.

11 Tips for Planning a DIY Estate Sale

Woman sitting in her kitchen, talking on the phone with laptop on table in front of her

1. Check Local Guidelines

While the first step isn’t glamorous, it’s best to know what you can and can’t do before you get started. Some cities may require a permit or have certain rules about street signage, parking, or even the day of the week.

The best thing to do is call your City Hall (and your HOA, if applicable) and ask about any laws or regulations regarding estate sales. They will have all the information you need to stay within the bounds of local law.

Silver decorative tea pots and other household items

2. Sort Items and Create an Inventory

Next, figure out what you want to sell. Hold onto any items that have strong sentimental value and give close family members the opportunity to choose a few mementoes before creating your inventory. Once you’ve removed the items you want to keep, start cataloguing what you’d like to sell.

The most common items to sell are jewelry, artwork, clothing, antiques, furniture, appliances, silverware and china, and other household items. You could also sell cars, trucks, campers, electronics, boats, and other large items.

What are some items you shouldn’t sell? Do not sell liquor (a license is required). If items are significantly frayed or damaged (especially car seats, helmets, or items pertaining to safety), do not add them to your inventory. Their ability to protect may be compromised due to heavy use and should not be passed on to others.

Image of American passport, birth certificate, and social security card set against backdrop of American flag

3. Remove Any Personal Items

As you sort and create your inventory, remove any personal items at the same time. For example, remove used toiletries, broken items, and other things that will just be thrown away. Additionally, remove any personal documentation, like medical bills, passports, licenses, birth certificates, family photos, and official military documents. Also, if you come across unused prescription medications, make sure to properly dispose of them so they aren’t misused.

Man in suit holding the "X" on the word "TAX" spelled out

4. Look into Tax Implications

Now that you have your inventory, it’s time to find out whether the estate sale will have tax implications for you. While the sale of small items isn’t necessarily going to trigger additional taxes, the sale of larger or rarer items could. For example, are you selling cars? Valuable artwork, antiques, jewelry, or collectibles? These items could add up until they reach the threshold for reporting.

So, with your inventory in hand, speak with a trusted tax professional. They will help you understand whether you may owe taxes when the estate sale is over.

Calendar with red thumbtack on a specific date

5. Set the Date

Next, keeping your city’s guidelines in mind, you can look at setting a date for your estate sale. Always consider your own calendar first. How much time do you need to organize, price items, gather helping hands, advertise, and so on? Give yourself plenty of time.

Most estate sales occur around the weekend – Thursday through Sunday – and last two or three days. If there are a lot of estate sales in your area, you could instead choose to host the sale during the week to stand out a bit more from the competition.

Estate sales items with pricing stickers

6. Price Your Items Strategically

Pricing is perhaps the most difficult part of the process. You want to charge enough, but not so much that people don’t want to buy.

Before you price items, do a little research into their resale value. Also, take the item’s condition into account when pricing. For more in-demand items, place a higher price tag. For easy-to-acquire items, like clothing or kitchenware, choose a lower price tag.

And if you want to keep it simple, do bulk sales. For example, “All paperback books $2. All hardback books $3.” And as the estate sale progresses, you can reduce pricing to entice shoppers to buy even more. You could use a pricing scale like “Day 1: Full Price, Day 2: 25% Off, Day 3: 50% Off.” The goal is to sell as much as possible and that may mean negotiating or reducing prices as the sale goes on.

Estate sale clothing organized and neatly set out

7. Stage the House

To increase your chances of selling items, it’s best to make sure everything is organized and displayed neatly. If your shoppers have to sort through junk piles, they are less likely to stay and discover the treasures waiting to be found.

Instead, you could display silverware, china, and other kitchen items together. Place all the clothes on racks in one area of the house. Group similar clothes together – men’s, women’s, unisex, and children’s. Use the larger spaces to display furniture. Also, ensure that there are easy pathways to get from room to room and add signage to help people know what’s where. And if there are any spaces you don’t want people wandering into, put up “Off Limits” signs.

Two women at an estate sale, one buying an item

8. Find People to Staff the Sale

You can’t run an estate sale on your own. So, reach out to your support network to find people who will help you staff the sale.

Here are a few ways trusted friends or family could help:

  • Run the payment station
  • Load purchased furniture into vehicles
  • Answer questions
  • Direct traffic
  • Monitor each room to answer questions and discourage theft
  • Lightly reorganize an area when items nearby are purchased
  • Look after any children or pets to keep them out of the way

If you’d like, you could also set up an area where shoppers can purchase baked goods and refreshing beverages. The proceeds could go to benefit a good cause or simply increase the revenue of the estate sale. If it’s a hot day, having cold water bottles on hand for a dollar or two each could keep your shoppers cool and encourage them to stay longer.

Closed red metal cash box

9. Set Up an Easy Payment System

While many estate sales are cash-only events, you could also offer electronic sales with a little advance preparation. Set up a Venmo, PayPal, or CashApp account. Or you could rent or purchase a mobile credit card reader. The more payment options you have to offer, the more likely you can facilitate any sale.

Clearly mark the location of the payment table. You could even ask your volunteers to wear a certain color to make them easy to identify. Additionally, make sure you have a secure cash box with enough bills to make change.

Estate sale sign on the curb outside the home

10. Advertise Your Estate Sale

To draw the biggest crowd, you’re going to want to advertise. You could go with more traditional methods like signs, flyers, and newspaper ads. To expand your reach, you can also include online methods, like Facebook, Instagram, community forums, or estate sale websites (like www.EstateSales.net or www.EstateSales.org).

Some advertising will cost money while other options will be free of charge. It’s up to you to decide which options you prefer. Also, when you contact City Hall to look into local guidelines, ask if there are any laws or regulations regarding advertising your estate sale.

For any physical signs you create, make sure they are brightly colored and include the dates, times, and address of your estate sale. You could also include pictures or a list of some big-ticket items you are hoping to sell. Post any signs in places that are clearly visible from the road and include directional arrows.

Man donating items to a thrift store

11. Clean Up and Donate

Once the estate sale is over, it’s time to clean up the house and figure out what’s going to happen to any unsold items. If you have the time and energy, you could try to sell items on eBay or Facebook Marketplace. Alternatively, you could drop everything off at a charity donation center, like Salvation Army, Goodwill, Habitat for Humanity, or a local thrift store you’d like to support. A third option is to rent a roll-off dumpster and just toss everything inside. You could even do a little of all three. It’s up to you what works best for your situation.

With these 11 tips, you have the framework for putting on a successful DIY estate sale. However, if all of this seems like too much to deal with during a time of grief, consider the merits of hiring a professional estate sale company to do it for you. Whether you put it on yourself or go with a professional company, an estate sale can be a financially beneficial way to close out a loved one’s physical estate. Best of luck!

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