A funeral is an emotional time for a lost loved one’s family and friends. If you have been invited to attend a funeral, it is helpful to know proper funeral etiquette. Keep in mind that as culture has evolved, so have funerals and funeral etiquette. Traditional services are at times being replaced by more informal celebrations of life. So when no two services are identical, how do you know what etiquette is expected?
Music is powerful – it can help us express our emotions and open us up to feelings we’re avoiding. That’s why choosing the right songs for a funeral can make such a big impact on the service. Picking personalized music can help create a healing experience for you and your family.
Choosing your loved one’s favorite songs can be a great start, but you can also consider music from the decade they were born in – or a decade of music that they always enjoyed listening to. If you’re looking for music from the 1970s to incorporate into your loved one’s funeral or celebration of life, here are 9 songs you can try.
When tears are in your eyes
I’ll dry them all
I’m on your side
When you lose a loved one, you may feel like you are alone. But funerals remind us that others are grieving the loss just like we are. “Bridge Over Troubled Water” highlights how we can find comfort in each other during difficult times. At a funeral or memorial service, this song could serve as a heartfelt reminder to help each other through the difficult days ahead.
You take the high road
And I’ll take the low road
And we’ll meet again
Saying goodbye to someone you love is hard. In “Farewell My Friend,” Dennis Wilson captures the idea of saying farewell to someone you care about. But this song isn’t just about saying goodbye. It’s also about embracing hope for the future and believing that you will someday see your loved one again, which would make it a hopeful addition to a funeral or celebration of life.
I hear her voice in the mornin’ hour, she calls me
The radio reminds me of my home far away
A song full of nostalgia and longing, “Take Me Home, Country Roads” is a classic for a reason. These heartfelt lyrics speak about the desire to be with a loved one who is far away. At a funeral or memorial service, this song can capture the longing you feel to see that person you love, especially if they were someone you called “home.”
Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow
After the death of a loved one, you need the support of friends and family members. “Lean On Me” encourages us to lean on each other for support during difficult times. Plus, this song reminds us that there is hope to be found on the other side of grief and pain. Life will get better, and you can trust that there are times of hope and joy to come.
Bittersweet memories
That’s all I am taking with me
When you lose someone you love, they’re still a part of your life through your memories. This classic song beautifully captures how love continues even when someone is no longer a part of your life. While looking back on your time with your loved one may hurt right now, this song can remind you that you feel grief because you loved them so much.
And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow, let it be
A song about finding comfort during dark times, “Let It Be” reminds the grieving that there is hope on the other side of grief. While you may be tempted to run from your emotions, embracing your feelings and allowing yourself to feel sad or angry is an important part of the grieving process. In a way, this classic Beatles song can help everyone remember that it’s okay to let yourself feel those negative emotions.
Work all done, care laid by
Going to fear no more
A solemn song with surprisingly hopeful lyrics, “Going Home” speaks about reuniting with loved ones after death. While death can be a scary topic for many people, this song suggests that peace can be found in a life well-lived and that death provides a release from pain. If you’re looking for the hope of reuniting with your loved one, this song could make a great addition to a service or a memorial slideshow.
And somewhere between the time you arrive
And the time you go
May lie a reason you were alive
That you’ll never know
“For a Dancer” tells a beautiful story about the way people’s lives touch each other. Even though your loved one is gone physically, they live on in your memory and in the impact they made on their family and friends. This song is a reminder that you can find meaning in the positive impact you make in other people’s lives, which can give you hope for the future.
There’s a high wind in the trees
A cold sound in the air
And nobody ever knows when you go
After someone you love dies, you may ask yourself deep questions about life as you search for meaning. “Bright Eyes” captures the way you can feel lost after the death of a loved one. As you and your family mourn the loss, this song can be a reminder that it’s okay to ask questions and search for meaning.
When you lose your spouse or partner, everyday tasks like cooking can feel impossible. Maybe your loved one handled all of the cooking and you don’t know where to start. Or maybe you love cooking, but every time you step into the kitchen, you remember that your loved one won’t be there to enjoy your food.
You’re not alone! Those who are grieving often find cooking difficult. Cooking can take a lot of energy, and as you adjust to life without your loved one, it’s normal to struggle to find the motivation to cook, especially if you’re experiencing a change in appetite.
But there are steps you can take to help yourself cook. From preparing meals ahead of time to taking cooking classes, here are some of our top tips for getting back in the kitchen when you’re grieving.
Whether you have decades of cooking experience or are just now learning how to cook, taking a cooking class can be a huge help! If you’ve never had the role of cook in your household, a cooking class can help you expand your cooking skills and grow your confidence in the kitchen. If you already know how to cook but are struggling with motivation, a cooking class can help you rediscover your love of cooking and meet new people.
You may be able to find cooking classes at a local restaurant, support group, or even at your library! If you can’t find an in-person class, you can try an online cooking class through a website like America’s Test Kitchen Cooking School or explore cooking class videos on YouTube.
If you’re used to cooking for two, you may find yourself with too much extra food on your hands. While leftovers can be convenient, you may not want to eat the same food for a whole week.
Adjusting the measurements in recipes can be a great help. If you need to cut a recipe in half, Google can help you with weird measurements, like half of 1/3 cup. You can also check out resources that specifically create recipes for one. One Dish Kitchen is a great resource, and AllRecipes also has some great options for meals for one.
When you’re grieving, the idea of having to juggle multiple parts of a meal can be intimidating. You may not feel like making a main dish and sides. Plus, the more parts your meal has, the bigger the cleanup.
Instead of avoiding cooking because you feel like you have to make a lot of different things at once, explore one-pot meals! Casseroles, stews, skillets, and sheet pan meals that use only one pot or pan can make cooking and cleanup much easier. There are recipes for virtually every type of cuisine, and you never know when you’ll find a new favorite. Both Food Network and Taste of Home have long lists of one-pot meals you can try.
Sometimes going to the grocery store after losing your partner can be difficult, especially if they were the one who typically handled the groceries. One solution is to invest in a meal box subscription like HelloFresh or Home Chef.
Meal box services like these send you the exact amount of ingredients that you need for each recipe, so you don’t have to worry about food waste or cooking too much food. Most have the option to choose how many servings you want to receive, which means you can make enough for just yourself or order extra to have leftovers.
Sometimes you want easy meal prep, but you don’t want to eat a lot of leftovers. One way around this issue is to freeze extra portions of the meals you make. After cooking a meal, you can freeze leftovers by the portion to make reheating at a later date easier.
There are also plenty of recipes that you can make and freeze ahead of time, then cook when you’re ready! Taste of Home has some great freezer recipes, and Good Housekeeping has options for fridge or freezer make-ahead meals. If you’re interested in creating single-serving meals ahead of time, consider investing in containers that fit exactly one portion.
For many people who have lost a partner, sitting down to eat by themselves reminds them of their partner’s absence. If you’re struggling to eat because of loneliness, try eating meals with friends or family members. While you may not feel like cooking for a group of people, you can invite everyone to bring a dish, potluck-style.
Additionally, you can have a meal exchange with friends or family. Each person can make extra portions of the meal they’re cooking and swap them for a homecooked meal from someone else. This can be a great way to get more variety in your diet without making a lot of meals yourself.
While inviting family and friends to eat with you can be an easy way to fill the space left behind by your loved one, there will likely still be times when no one is available. Instead of avoiding the kitchen when you’re alone, try to fill the empty space at your table.
You can physically fill the space by adding a centerpiece or decorations to the table. Or you can listen to music or watch TV while you eat so you don’t have to eat in silence. While these won’t eliminate the empty space at your table, they can help you cope with your loved one’s absence.
If you find that you’re still struggling with motivation after a long period of time, especially due to depression, it may be a good idea to consult a grief therapist. And if you have a continuous lack of appetite, please consult your doctor. Taking care of your physical health is important when you’re grieving, and your doctor can help you find ways to improve your health.
As you begin to get back into the kitchen after losing your partner, be patient with yourself. It may take time for you to create a new routine and adjust to your new normal. Give yourself grace, and don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need it.
If you’ve lost a loved one, you probably know that some days are harder than others. Grief can surge on holidays, birthdays, and other special days. The anniversary of a loved one’s death, also called their deathiversary, can be an especially strong grief trigger.
While some people want to treat their loved one’s deathiversary as just another day, it can be a difficult day to ignore – especially the first year after the death. If you’re struggling with an upcoming deathiversary, here are a few things you can do to care for yourself and honor your loved one’s memory.
For some people, working or going to school on the anniversary of a loved one’s death can help distract them and provide a sense of normalcy for the day. But don’t be afraid to take the day off from work or school if you need to! Giving yourself space to grieve without the pressure of acting normal can make your day a little easier.
Visiting a loved one’s resting place, whether their body or ashes were buried in a cemetery, placed in a niche, or scattered, can help you honor your loved one and allow you to speak to them. If someone else has your loved one’s urn and you can’t visit them, you could instead visit a place that was special to you and your loved one. By visiting a meaningful place, you’ll set aside a specific time to grieve and remember the positive impact your loved one had.
On hard days, having friends and family around can be helpful. You can all support each other while sharing memories of your loved one. A memorial gathering doesn’t have to be big, either. You could all meet up at a restaurant or spend time together at someone’s house. Just be aware that some people may not want to think about the day or may prefer to be alone, and that’s okay.
Rituals aren’t outdated traditions; they are healing experiences that keep us grounded, encourage us, and unite us. On the anniversary of your loved one’s death, you can participate in a traditional ritual, like lighting a candle, attending a remembrance service, or visiting their grave. But you could also establish your own ritual, like planting a tree, reading old letters, emails, or texts, or participating in an activity they loved. Rituals like these can help you heal and fill the day with good memories of your loved one.
While your loved one is no longer with you physically, they still live on in your memory. Reminiscing about your loved one and remembering the positive impact they had on your life can be a great way to honor their memory. You could do this by looking at old photo albums or scrapbooks, sharing stories with friends and family, or just reflecting on your favorite memories with them.
Why write a letter to someone who won’t read it? Writing things down can help us clear our minds and process our emotions in a different way than speaking or typing. You can put anything in a letter to your loved one. Write all the things left unsaid, tell them how you’re feeling, or even write down funny things that have happened to you recently. After you’ve finished your letter, you could put it aside to read in the future or leave it at your loved one’s resting place.
Did your loved one have a cause they believed in? Consider donating or volunteering in their name with that cause! Even a small donation or an hour or two of volunteering can have an impact. Not only will you be honoring your loved one’s memory, but you’ll also be sharing their passion with others and doing good in the process.
Another way to honor your loved one’s memory is by enjoying what they loved. You could wear their favorite color, cook their favorite meal, or watch their favorite movie or TV show. You could participate in a hobby they enjoyed, like painting or playing golf. When you incorporate your loved one’s favorite things into your day, you’ll be surrounding yourself with positive memories of them.
The most important thing to do on a special day or deathiversary is to take care of yourself! Your mental health is important, and self-care can help you get through a difficult day. Go for a walk and listen to your favorite songs. Meet up with friends for coffee or lunch. Do something creative, like painting a picture. Take a trip to the spa. Don’t be afraid to do something that brings you joy and helps boost your mental health.
No matter what you do on your loved one’s deathiversary, remember that grief is normal and natural. You may not want to do anything on the day, and that’s okay. As you move along your grief journey, you may do something different on your loved one’s deathiversary from year to year, and that’s okay, too. Do what you feel comfortable with and focus on grieving at your own pace.
The days after a loved one dies can be filled with many questions. “Should I choose burial or cremation?” “How do I write an obituary?” And for many families, “Should I even have a funeral?” is a pivotal question.
While everyone grieves differently, a funeral can be an important part of the grieving process and can help friends and family start their grief journey well. As you decide whether to have a funeral service, consider the purpose of a funeral and how it might benefit your family.
Let’s start by looking at why we have funerals. Some people think funerals are just an outdated ritual, but funerals actually play an important role in the grieving process. A meaningful funeral can help surviving family members process their emotions about a loss.
According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, author and grief expert, funerals are a way of “expressing our beliefs, thoughts and feelings about the death of someone loved.” He says the funeral ritual has six main purposes:
help mourners acknowledge the reality of the death
give testimony to the life of the deceased
encourage the expression of grief
provide support to mourners
allow for the embracing of faith and beliefs about life and death
offer hope for the living
Without a funeral, it can be hard for those left behind to come to terms with their loved one’s death. When you don’t have some kind of service, you may struggle with starting your grief journey. However, having some kind of meaningful service or ritual allows friends and family members to acknowledge the death of their loved one, express their grief, support each other, and start the grief journey off on the right foot.
Not every funeral is religious! There are many ways to create a healing funeral service for someone who wasn’t religious. The most important parts of a funeral, like expressing your emotions and grieving with the support of others, don’t rely on religion. Instead of Bible verses, you could incorporate readings from your loved one’s favorite book or poems they enjoyed.
Remember that the funeral is a chance for family and friends to say goodbye and to gain support from others who are grieving. Even if you don’t want to have a full traditional service, having a less traditional service or an informal gathering can help you and everyone else on your grief journey.
Nowadays, many people insist they don’t want a big fuss when they die. Maybe your loved one always said, “Don’t do anything when I die. Just cremate me.” Or maybe they always insisted that funerals were a waste of money or time.
While the wishes of the person who died are very, very important, you should also carefully consider the needs of the family. A funeral isn’t just about the person who died; it’s also about providing a time for everyone to grieve together.
Instead of having a funeral, you could also choose an alternative, like a memorial service, a celebration of life, or a simple private or public gathering. These less traditional options can provide your family and friends with ways to mourn your loved one together.
To go back to the original question – “Should I have a funeral?” – the answer is a resounding yes. But what that funeral looks like is entirely up to your family. As you explore your different funeral options, consider what you, your family, and your loved ones need. Saying goodbye to someone you love is hard, but having a funeral can help you all express your emotions and support each other. Whether you choose to have a full traditional service or a more casual gathering, having some sort of funeral ritual will help you and your loved ones start your grief journey on the right foot.
After losing a loved one, there’s a long list of things that must be taken care of. At a time when you’re grieving and coming to terms with your loved one’s death, trying to find the right words for an obituary may seem like a daunting task. How can you find the right words when you’re still trying to accept the reality that your loved one is gone?
With the recent development of AI writing tools (like Bing’s free chatbot), families can now write an obituary with AI. While AI isn’t perfect, it can provide you with a great starting place. Once AI has generated an obituary, you can edit it to make it more personal and empathetic. Many funeral homes even have AI writers specifically for obituaries.
So, you might be wondering… if you use AI to write an obituary, how can you ensure the result truly honors your loved one and the life they lived? Here are some dos and don’ts for writing an obituary with AI.
When you put a prompt in an AI generator, you never know what you’ll end up with. That’s why it’s a good idea to do a little research about obituaries before using AI. While each obituary is unique to the person it’s about, most obituaries include similar information. Before you write an obituary with AI, look at examples of other obituaries. You can find some examples on your funeral home’s website or check out some here.
The more details you can provide for the AI generator, the better. If not enough information is given in the prompt, AI generators may add details that aren’t true for your loved one. By including details about your loved one’s family, history, passions, accomplishments, and hobbies, you’ll give the AI generator more to work with and have a better chance of getting a good starting obituary. For example, instead of saying, “he was involved in the community,” you can give specifics about the organizations your loved one was involved in. If you’re not sure what details to include, ask other family members about their favorite memories of your loved one.
While AI generators have improved over the past few years, they’re certainly not perfect! AI writers sometimes repeat phrases or have overly wordy sentences. In one of our sample obituaries, the AI generator repeated the same phrase about the deceased’s husband and children at the beginning and end of the obituary. Take time to read through what the AI generator has put together and make sure there are no errors. You can add your own personal touch to the obituary by rewriting parts in your own words. In short, use the obituary generated by the AI as a starting point and make it your own.
As you read through the obituary provided by the AI generator, make sure all of the facts included are correct. AI pulls information from sources across the internet, and sometimes it adds in things that aren’t true or exaggerate something you added. For example, you may have put in your prompt that your loved one loved to play chess, but AI may try to add detail by saying that they won many chess championships. You should always double-check:
For example, in this sample AI-generated obituary, the obituary says, “Janet is survived by her husband Richard, her children Oliver and Iris, her siblings, and many friends.” However, the prompt doesn’t mention siblings, so if Janet doesn’t have siblings, we would need to remove that from the obituary. Watch for inconsistencies like these as you review the obituary.
If you don’t really like what the AI generator writes, that’s okay! Some AI generators have the option to generate something else based on the same prompt. You can try reentering the same prompt, or you can change up your prompt by adding more details or removing details that the AI focused on too much. You could also try using the same prompt in another AI generator. Just remember that you can always edit the results or mix and match what the AI generates to get an obituary that works for you and your family.
As you put together an obituary for your loved one, think about what made them special to you. An AI generator can give you a great starting structure and outline, and by adding your own details and personal touch, you can create a truly unique, heartfelt obituary for your loved one.
With food to prepare, family trips to manage, and upcoming holidays to plan for, Thanksgiving can be a busy and stressful time. For those grieving at Thanksgiving, this season can also bring heartache. Because Thanksgiving is a family-centered holiday, people who have lost a loved one may see reminders of their loss all around them. A holiday that once brought joy may be a painful reminder of their loved one’s absence.
Whether you have a friend or a family member who has lost a loved one, you can help make Thanksgiving a little bit easier for them. Here are six ways you can help a grieving friend at Thanksgiving!
One of the most important things you can do for a grieving friend is to check on them. This is true at any time of the year, especially on holidays and special days. Take time to ask your friend how they’re doing and truly listen to their response. They may not want to talk about their grief and pretend everything’s normal, or they may pour out all their emotions to you. Or they may not want to talk at all! That’s okay. Just let them know that you’re thinking of them and ready to listen when they’re ready to share.
As you talk with your friend, try not to talk too much about your own past grief experiences or offer advice unless it is asked for. Everyone grieves differently, and your friend may just need you to listen to them. Above all, focus on listening and supporting your friend as they navigate their grief.
For many of us, it can be hard to admit when we need to step back or ask for help. This can especially be true for those who are usually in charge of planning for holidays like Thanksgiving. A grandmother may feel like it’s her responsibility to manage everything in the kitchen, or a father may feel like he has to organize the family football game, even if he doesn’t feel like it. Encourage your friend to set boundaries and say no to things if they don’t feel up to participating.
No one should have to spend Thanksgiving on their own. Maybe your friend is older and has just lost their spouse, or maybe a single friend lives far from their family. Inviting your grieving friend to join your family’s Thanksgiving celebration can be a beautiful way to support them and show that you care.
However, if they refuse to join you, don’t take offense. Your friend may not feel up to being with a large group of people, especially if they don’t know the other members of your family. You can always offer alternatives, like just visiting for part of the time or meeting up for lunch the day before. Just make sure they know your offer is genuine and they are truly welcome.
Planning, cooking, and serving a full Thanksgiving meal can be daunting for a family that has lost a loved one. If you don’t mind making extra and sharing, offer to help your friend’s family by bringing them food on or before Thanksgiving. Providing even one dish can be a huge relief for a family that is grieving at Thanksgiving. You could even gather several other friends and each make a dish to share with your friend. Just make sure you check with your friend first, in case they’ve made other plans for their Thanksgiving meal.
While some people who are grieving want to stick with their usual traditions so things feel normal, others may want to try something completely new. You and your friend can create a new tradition together! Maybe you can try a new pie recipe before Thanksgiving, set up family interviews to learn more about your family history, or participate in a Turkey Trot together. You can even help them find ways to honor their loved one at Thanksgiving. For example, you and your friend could create a memorial for their loved one or volunteer in their loved one’s name.
Many people have trouble asking for help because they feel like a burden – especially when everyone else is busy during the holidays. If you know your friend might be struggling, offer to help in practical ways. You could offer to put up fall decorations or do yard work. Maybe you could pick up groceries for them when you do your own grocery shopping. You can help watch their kids or pets on Thanksgiving or the day before while your friend gets things ready. If your friend has family coming in from out of town, you could pick up their family members from the airport. Take initiative and offer to help with something specific so your friend knows you truly want to help.
Above all, make sure your grieving friend knows they’re not alone, and give them time to process their grief. While it may take them time to accept your help or feel comfortable sharing their feelings, being available and supportive is a wonderful way to show you care. As you celebrate Thanksgiving, let your friend know that one of the things you’re thankful for is them and their friendship!
Losing someone you love is hard, and you may feel overwhelmed as you navigate life without your loved one. You’re not alone! While everyone grieves differently, many people find themselves struggling after the death of a loved one. That’s why many people find joining a grief support group helpful.
A grief support group can be a great way to surround yourself with a support system after a loved one’s death and hear from others who have also lost someone they love. Plus, you can learn how to express your emotions and grief in a safe space.
But going to a grief group for the first time can be intimidating! While every grief support group will be different, here are a few things you can expect at most groups.
Most grief support groups have a facilitator who helps lead discussions, organize the group, and keep everyone on topic. Depending on the group, the facilitator might be a licensed counselor, a religious leader, or a peer from the group. Some groups may also have more than one facilitator or rotating leaders, depending on the size of the group and how often they meet.
When choosing a grief support group, consider what type of facilitator you would prefer. Do you want professional expertise and advice from the leader? Or would you rather be part of a group led by a peer who has experienced something similar to you? Everyone has different needs, so look for the type of facilitator who fits your wishes.
A big benefit of a grief support group is having a safe space to talk about what you’re feeling. For many people, this idea can be intimidating. However, expressing and acknowledging your emotions is an important step in your grief journey. The emotions you feel after a loss, even anger and guilt, are normal, and refusing to talk about them will only make things harder for you.
However, you won’t be forced to share if you don’t feel comfortable! You can also learn a lot simply by listening to others as they speak about their own experiences with grief. Hearing from others can be a great way to learn that you’re not alone. While everyone grieves differently, hearing about others’ grief could help you find new ways to process your own emotions. Plus, as you share your struggles and grow together, you can support each other along your grief journeys.
Grief support groups aren’t just for talking about what you and your peers feel. They also provide a space for you to learn more about what grief is, how different people experience it, and what you can do to progress along your grief journey. Grief doesn’t end the day of the funeral, and your facilitator and peers in the group can help you learn more about how to cope with your grief in a healthy way.
Plus, many grief support groups can provide you with grief resources, like brochures, flyers, or online articles. Some grief support groups may recommend reading certain books about grief, and your facilitator may be able to point you to more resources, like professional grief counseling.
As you look for a grief support group that works with your needs and schedule, remember that every group will have its own guidelines and methods. You may not like the first grief support group you try, and that’s okay! Keep looking for one that works for you, and don’t be afraid to ask for extra support from close friends and family.
Your local funeral home should be able to point you to grief support groups in your specific area. Additionally, you can check out these online resources for grief support:
Most of us know that estate planning is important, but many people don’t take care of their estate planning because they find it intimidating. There are so many estate planning documents to consider, so how do you know where to start?
A checklist is a great place to start! Starting with a checklist can help you track what you’ve already taken care of and what you still need to work on. You can make your estate planning checklist using the points below, or you can download our estate planning checklist here.
DISCLAIMER: Individual circumstances and state laws vary. Only undertake estate planning with the help and assistance of an attorney licensed in your state.
For families who have recently lost a loved one, it can be difficult to track down all of the documents they need for death certificates, life insurance, veterans’ benefits applications, and closing an estate. You can help your family by gathering these documents and putting them in a safe, secure location. Important documents include:
Don’t forget to let your emergency contacts know where these documents are stored so they can find them if needed.
When most people think of estate planning, they usually think of writing a will. A legal will is one way to make your wishes about your assets known; the other option is usually a living trust. Without one of these two plans, the state will distribute your assets, so they may not go to the people you want. Whether you choose to distribute your assets through a will or a living trust is up to you. Talking to your financial advisor or an estate planning attorney can help you pick the right option for you and your family. Plus, an estate planning attorney can help you know what you should and shouldn’t put in your will.
End-of-life care documents determine what will happen to you and your assets if you become incapacitated or unable to make your own decisions. There are two types of end-of-life care documents: powers of attorney and advance care directives.
Powers of attorney (POAs) allow you to choose a person (called an agent) to make decisions on your behalf when you can’t. You can either have a general POA that selects one agent to look over all of your affairs or specific POAs, like healthcare or financial, that give your agent control over one aspect of your affairs.
Advance care directives are documents that let your family know what medical decisions you’re okay with and which you don’t want. These can be separate documents, like DNR or DNI orders, or combined into one document. When choosing what medical procedures you want, make sure your wishes are on file with your doctor.
One part of estate planning that’s easy to forget is your digital estate! Your digital assets are all your online accounts, rewards points, subscriptions, online bills, and digital photos and videos. Deciding what should be done with your digital assets is an important part of estate planning that shouldn’t be overlooked. Start by making a list of all of your digital assets (see our checklist for a long list of potential assets). After you’ve listed your assets, you’ll need to determine what should be done with each one after you’re gone.
Prearranging your funeral is another essential part of your estate plan. Making decisions about a funeral after a loved one’s death can be stressful, especially if your family doesn’t know your wishes. When you preplan, you’ll remove their doubt and uncertainty by answering the many questions they might have. Plus, you’ll have the option to prepay, which can save your family from the stress of waiting for life insurance money to come through. Assets like life insurance and bank accounts can be tied up for weeks or even months, while the funds in a prepaid funeral plan are available right away. To start preplanning, you can call your local funeral home and schedule a time to speak with a funeral director about your wishes.
While creating your checklist, you can always add other things you want to take care of, like taking care of your small business or making plans for minors in your care. It’s also a good idea to consult with an estate planning attorney to learn about your state’s individual laws and your options. Once your estate planning checklist is finished, you’ll be ready to tackle estate planning and ensure everything is taken care of!
As the seasons change, you may see Halloween décor pop up around your neighborhood. Spider webs and tombstones, skeletons and caution tape, and all manner of ghouls and goblins begin to grace the streets in anticipation of the holiday.
But if you have experienced a sudden, tragic, or violent loss, the Halloween season can feel like navigating a minefield, especially if children are involved. What may have once been a fun, candy-filled holiday may now seem distorted, insensitive, and disturbing. Grotesquely exaggerated images of death seem to be around every corner. Symbols of death, such as cemeteries, become scenes for entertainment—making a mockery of death.
You may even feel betrayed by those around you. Your friends or family may need help understanding how hurtful their enthusiastic celebration of Halloween can be.
But by making a plan for the holiday, communicating with your family, and taking time to mourn in your own way, you can make your Halloween experience better. Below are a few tips for managing your grief during the Halloween season:
First and foremost, spend a few minutes deciding what you want Halloween to look like for you and your family this year. This is a time to do what’s best for yourself and your family – not yield to the expectations of others. You can avoid that spooky house on the way to work by taking an alternate route. You can skip the store aisles displaying seasonal items. Make a plan for how – and to what degree – you will celebrate this year…if you choose to celebrate at all. Most of the time, anxiety comes when no plan is in place. To avoid unpleasant emotions, decide what feels appropriate for you and your family ahead of time.
Rather than celebrate Halloween as you have in years past, you could choose other, more neutral fall activities, such as visiting a pumpkin patch or going on a hay ride. Or, choose lighthearted or funny costumes instead of scary ones. If you decide to trick or treat with kids, check with them to see if they are prepared to face some of the scary, gory costumes or yard decorations they may see. In addition, be sure you know what you are getting into when you go to a Halloween carnival or party. As a safer alternative, many churches offer family-friendly fall festivals or “trunk or treat” opportunities for children.
Mourning is a deeply personal journey; only you know how to mourn for yourself. You could light a candle in remembrance, decorate with fall leaves and gourds instead of skulls and cobwebs, or start a new tradition! Make caramel apples, watch It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, or make some s’mores over a fire–maybe even spend time remembering what you loved most about the person who died and honoring their life.
If you are having trouble with this holiday, be honest about how you feel with those around you. If your friends or family ask you to participate in something you are not quite ready for, let them know what you are going through. You can also share your feelings with a support group, online forum, or trusted counselor or friend. Sharing your feelings can help you process any emotions triggered by this season and help you move toward healing and reconciliation with the loss.
Although this time can be challenging, others haven’t experienced what you have. Most people see Halloween as a chance to dress up and be someone else for a while. Try to understand that most people are unaware of what you’re going through and that they aren’t trying to be insensitive. Stick to your boundaries, communicate them to others, and explain your reasons if you feel comfortable.
As you navigate through Halloween, give yourself and those around you grace. If your feelings about Halloween have changed, that’s okay – accept your emotions as valid and set up the boundaries that will help you grieve. Above all, give yourself time and space for healing, without rushing the process.
