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christy.kessler

Oct 26
Love0
Older man in blue shirt sitting at a table at home with a laptop and notepad in front of him

8 Tips for Managing Your Digital Estate

By Estate Planning

While the internet and advances in technology have made so many aspects of life easier, they’ve made estate planning a little bit harder. Now, you not only need to focus on planning the funeral and dividing up your estate, but you must also decide what should happen to all the online accounts in your name. After all, the last thing your family needs is for a portion of your identity to float around in cyberspace. But not to worry – with these 8 tips, you can easily organize and manage your digital estate!

Older man in blue shirt sitting at a table at home with a laptop and notepad in front of him

1. Create an inventory of your digital material

Before doing anything else, make sure that you are aware of all of your online material (at least the most important sites). This may seem obvious, but it’s the first step. You can’t make a plan if you don’t know what to include. Consider social media accounts, email information, blogs, online shopping, pictures, and videos. There’s a lot of information out there, and it’s best to understand the entirety of your digital estate before you go any further.

2. Use an online resource or app as a tool to organize your assets

If you haven’t already, consider investing in a password manager app that allows you to store your passwords, usernames, pins, and any other login information in a secure place. There are also free options available, if you prefer. These apps function as a sort of vault for your digital assets. This is an easy way to compile everything so that it can be easily accessible to loved ones. However, be sure to do some thorough research on the company you choose to make sure they have a good reputation.

Man standing at computer typing in password; lock on screen denotes privacy and protected password

3. Keep your digital inventory up to date

After you organize your digital information, be sure to update your list or password manager every time you update your passwords or create a new account. Also, don’t include passwords in your will because the will ends up in the public records, which raises safety concerns. However, make sure that your emergency contacts have access to your computer and phone pass codes. Many people forget that their devices (and all the information stored on them) are often inaccessible to loved ones after they die without those very important codes.

4. Review company policies regarding accounts of the deceased

Many companies have a default plan regarding what happens to a customer’s account upon their death. For example, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn all have different policies for dealing with a deceased person’s personal information. It’s a good idea to familiarize yourself with each company’s policy, particularly social media accounts, so you can determine the best course of action. For more information, read How to Create a Memorial Page on Facebook and Instagram.

Woman sitting in chair at home, checking social media accounts

5. Provide instructions on your preferences

Once you have everything organized, appoint a representative who will act on your behalf and follow your instructions regarding your online information. Though username and password information should not go in the will, you can designate your representative in the will and provide general instructions. Be in contact with your representative to make sure that he or she knows where and how to obtain your personal information.

6. Make sure that loved ones know to act fast

Many companies have a legal right to the ownership of your account after you die. In most cases, the account is merely shut down and the material lost. However, if your family members need to access a particular account, they should act fast before the company deletes the account.

If it’s a social media account, your family can gain access to post a final tribute or retrieve photos and videos. If it’s an email, they may be able to transfer information before the account is terminated. However, most major institutions – like life insurance companies and banks – require a death certificate in order to update the account, so you can take your time with those types of businesses.

Woman in pink doing a search on her phone

7. Check your state’s laws

As with so many legal issues, digital estate planning may vary based on the laws of your state. Some states have specific laws for handling the online material of a deceased person. Other states have no such laws regarding these issues. To ensure that you’re doing things according to the book, look into the guidelines of your individual state.

8. Plan ahead

While it’s tempting to procrastinate, everything is much smoother for your family members when your estate is planned and organized. Imagine how stressful it would be to not even know which life insurance company to call when making a claim. With an ever-increasing portion of our lives dedicated to cyberspace, it’s important that you begin to think about the management of your online content. By developing a plan ahead of time and organizing your thoughts and wishes, you can make things easier on your loved ones in the future.

For more useful information about estate planning, check out:

Oct 19
Love0

What is a Funeral Honorarium?

By Educational, Planning Tools

Every funeral comes expenses, such as the professional services of the funeral home staff, casket or urn, cremation permit, cemetery plot, and so on. One expense you may not have considered is the honorarium. But what is an honorarium and who should receive one? Let’s look at a few key questions that will help you understand honorariums and their role at the funeral.

Green envelope and white sheet of paper to use for an honorarium; items are sitting on a table with purple hydrangeas

What is an honorarium?

Traditionally, an honorarium is a monetary token of appreciation for someone who has performed a service for free. For example, at both weddings and funerals, it’s customary to offer an honorarium to the officiant/clergy who presided over the ceremony.

Some churches will accept a monetary token of appreciation, while others will not. It all depends on the practices of that particular church or clergy person. But either way, it’s always good etiquette to determine whether offering one is appropriate or not.

Who might receive an honorarium?

This type of monetary gift is typically offered to the officiant/clergy person who officiated the funeral service. Additionally, it’s also customary to give an honorarium to any soloists or musicians who performed.

If another professional (not clergy) officiated the service, then you might give the honorarium to them instead. However, if a family member or close friend officiates, there’s no need to offer an honorarium unless you want to do so.

Note: It is not necessary to give the funeral director an honorarium. Their services are included in any fees you pay to the funeral home for coordination of the funeral service.

Focus on the hands as a woman plays an organ

How much is customary to pay?

Ultimately, it depends on your preferences and budget. For an officiant, the average range is somewhere between $100 to $300. When determining the amount, consider how much time they spent 1) getting details and preferences from the family, 2) planning their remarks, 3) traveling and 4) attending any services. And of course, did they do a good job? That matters, too.

For a soloist or musician, the average range is somewhere between $50 to $100 per person. However, consider whether they are a volunteer or a paid performer. If the church’s organist volunteers to play at the service, offer an honorarium. On the other hand, if you want to personalize the service by bringing in your loved one’s favorite local band, they will receive payment for their services, not an honorarium.

Please note, some churches or clergy have stated fees for officiating a funeral service, but they should be upfront about these fees when you meet to discuss the service.

One person giving a closed honorarium envelope to a second person

What’s the difference between a payment and an honorarium?

The biggest difference between the two is that the amount of an honorarium is up to you. With payments, the pricing is set by an outside entity, such as the musician or the florist. But with an honorarium, you determine what you are able and/or willing to offer as a token of your appreciation.

How do I pay an honorarium?

Most of the time, you pay with cash (or check). You can place the money in an envelope and give it to the person when you thank them. It’s also good etiquette to either include a thank you note with the honorarium or follow-up with a handwritten note a few days after the service. If it’s easier, the funeral director can deliver the envelope on your behalf.

Funeral director shaking hands with a funeral guest or funeral officiant

What if I have more questions?

Your best resource for information is the funeral director. They have worked closely with countless churches and people in your area and will know what’s expected. If you have questions or concerns about how to proceed, just give your funeral director a call. They are there to help you in whatever way you need!

Oct 11
Love0
Woman in black dress holding black urn and white lily

FAQ: Your Guide to Scattering Ashes

By Cremation, Explore Options

When you choose cremation, there are more questions to answer than you might think. A key question is, “What should happen to the ashes after cremation is complete?” There are so many options to choose from. They range from urn burial, placement in a columbarium, keeping at home, scattering, and other more unusual choices, like launching into space. But for today, let’s discuss scattering and several frequently asked questions about the practice.

Man and woman holding a silver urn between them

Is scattering ashes legal?

The short answer is yes, scattering ashes is legal. However, you’ll want to pay attention to where you are scattering. Scattering in certain locations (like private property) may result in fines or minor criminal charges. There are no federal laws relating to scattering ashes on land, but some states do have specific guidelines. If you are interested in scattering, talk it over with a trusted funeral director. They can give you guidance on your state’s specific laws (if any) about the practice.

Is scattering ashes safe for the environment?

It all depends on where and how you choose to scatter. Scattering at sea, launching into space, or placement in a columbarium are amongst the least environmentally impactful options for cremated remains. However, if you choose to scatter on land, scatter the remains over a large distance and not all in one place. In their natural form, ashes may include chemicals and pollutants that could affect soil composition, impacting plant growth and the larger ecosystem. However, by scattering over a distance, you minimize this possibility.

Red rose sitting on sandy rock at beach

Where can I scatter ashes?

Now that we know scattering is legal, let’s talk about where you can scatter a loved one’s ashes. The biggest no-no is scattering ashes on private land that does not belong to you. In other words, don’t trespass on private property just because you like the view. This applies to private land, but also to places like stadiums, amusement parks, and the like.

Generally speaking, the best practice is to select a location and then determine what the rules and regulations are for that place. A few examples:

  • Ask permission from the land owner before scattering on private property
  • Get a permit or check regulations before scattering at a U.S National Park
  • Talk to the cemetery administrator before scattering in a cemetery or urn garden
  • Contact the authority in charge of a beach before scattering there

Many locations are available to you, as long as you request permission and complete any necessary paperwork. For example, you could scatter at your loved one’s favorite golf course or from an airplane, but there will be a little extra effort to do so.

Woman in black dress holding black urn and white lily

Can you scatter ashes at sea?

While the federal government does not have laws regarding scattering on land (that’s left up to the states), they do have laws regarding burial at sea. There are typically two ways you can scatter ashes at sea: through the U.S. Navy or through a civilian charter company (or cruise line). To learn more about the requirements for scattering at sea, go to What You Need to Know About Burial at Sea.

“How” do I scatter ashes?

Always be aware of the wind direction. You will want to disperse the ashes with the wind, not against the wind. This way, the breeze carries the ashes away from you, and they don’t blow back into your face.

You can either scatter the ashes by hand (bring something to clean your hands with), or more commonly, you can hold the ashes at waist height and scatter them by gently “tossing” them out of the urn. Alternatively, you can purchase a scattering tube, which makes it much easier to scatter the ashes.

Wooden Christian cross necklace laying on book

How do the major religions feel about scattering ashes?

In the United States, the major religions are based in Christianity, according to Pew Research. For today’s purposes, we will look at the cremation viewpoints of Catholics, Protestants, and Mormons. Additionally, we will briefly touch on Jewish funeral customs around cremation.

  • Catholic Church: Cremation is accepted by the Catholic Church, but scattering is not. The entire cremated body must be kept together and either buried or placed in a columbarium.
  • Protestant Church: There are many denominations within the Protestant faith, but generally speaking, cremation and scattering the ashes are acceptable practices. Some denominations may place a stronger emphasis on burial.
  • Latter Day Saints: Cremation is not prohibited, but full-body burial is strongly preferred and encouraged.
  • Judaism: Reform Judaism allows cremation as long as the cremated remains are buried as one unit in an urn or burial container. Orthodox Judaism remains strongly opposed to cremation.

Can I have a ceremony when scattering ashes?

In most cases, yes, you can have some sort of ceremony to accompany the scattering. Again, it all depends on where you choose to scatter the ashes.

If you choose a scattering garden, work with the funeral home or cemetery to put together a program, like you would experience at a graveside ceremony. For scattering at a U.S. National Park, you can find a remote place to say a few words (though the gathering will likely be small and private).

Whether you choose to do something simple or more detailed, it’s important to express what’s on your heart and mind as you say that final goodbye.

Urn surrounded by red roses at a funeral service

What are some tips for planning a scattering ceremony?

  • First, always take the weather into account. You may not want to plan the ceremony for cold or rainy days, so keep an eye on the forecast.
  • Second, if you are transporting cremated remains, make sure that you have a sturdy container that opens and closes well and easily. You want to be able to release the ashes easily, but you don’t want the container to spill open during your travel time. If you need to fly with the ashes, check out What You Need to Know About Flying with Cremated Remains for more tips.
  • Third, plan the ceremony ahead of time because you may need to coordinate details with your chosen location. Without preparation, a scattering ceremony could turn into a minor scuffle with the law. So, do a little legwork to ensure everything goes smoothly.

If you have additional questions about scattering ashes, the funeral home is an excellent resource. Give them a quick call to set up an informal chat to discuss your options for scattering ashes. They will help you iron out all the details so you can honor a loved one’s life in a meaningful and personalized way.

Oct 07
Love0
Woman under an umbrella, standing near a lake

5 Strategies to Cope with Anticipatory Grief

By Grief/Loss

You are likely familiar with feelings of grief, but did you know that there are different variations of grief? Of course, the experience of grief is different from person to person, but sometimes grief can take a turn and become something a little different. The four most common variations of grief are disenfranchised grief, complicated grief, compounded grief, and anticipatory grief. Of the four, anticipatory grief is the most common and least concerning.

With that in mind, let’s unpack anticipatory grief so that you have a better understanding of what it is and how to cope with it.

Mother comforting sad daughter

What is Anticipatory Grief?

Anticipatory grief, also known as preparatory grief, is a type of grief that occurs before the actual loss or death of a loved one. This form of grief is a common experience among family members and friends of a terminally ill person. Anticipatory grief can be complex and challenging, as individuals may experience various emotions, including stress, sadness, anger, guilt, and anxiety.

Anticipatory grief can be a positive or a negative experience. On the one hand, having time to process the emotions of grief before the loss can spur you to make meaningful choices. For example, you could spend more time with your loved one, or take the opportunity to have meaningful conversations and say things you’ve always wanted to.

On the other hand, the stress of watching someone you love slip away a little at a time, such as with Alzheimer’s disease or cancer, can bring about feelings of helplessness, anxiety, and stress.

Husband and wife hugging, offering each other comfort during a time of loss

5 Strategies for Coping with Anticipatory Grief

If you are dealing with anticipatory grief, these five coping strategies can help you process your complex emotions and gain peace even in a difficult situation.

1. Practice Mindfulness

Anticipatory grief can be overwhelming and all-consuming. Practicing mindfulness can help you stay present and grounded. Take a few moments each day to focus on your breath and observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment.

You may reflect on the things you are grateful for learning from the person you love. What valuable lessons have they taught you? What values have they passed on that you will carry with you after they are gone? Feel free to share these thoughts with the person you love, if you can. It will mean more to them than you know!

Two people sitting across from each other, each cupping a coffee mug in their hands; aerial view

2. Connect with Others

Anticipatory grief can feel isolating because the loss has not yet occurred. That is why reaching out to friends, family members, and mental health professionals who understand what you’re going through is so important. Understanding and acknowledging anticipatory grief can help you cope with the impending loss and find meaning and peace during a difficult time. Join a support group or seek out a therapist who can provide guidance and support throughout this journey and beyond.

Self-care; man sleeping on couch

3. Take Care of Yourself

Grief of any kind can be physically and emotionally exhausting. Take care of yourself by getting enough sleep, eating well, and engaging in activities that bring you joy.

If you are a primary caregiver for a terminally ill loved one, practicing self-care is crucial to your well-being. Feelings of frustration and burnout can make anticipatory grief even more challenging because you might feel guilty for getting angry or losing patience.

Ensure that you are not neglecting your needs as you care for another individual. You might take a walk to clear your mind, take a nap if you are exhausted, and follow routines that keep you grounded and centered.

Woman sitting at home, writing in a journal, expressing her thoughts

4. Express Your Feelings

It’s essential to allow yourself to feel your emotions and express them in healthy ways. Write in a journal, create art, or talk to a trusted friend about your thoughts and feelings.

Emotions can hold power over us if they go unacknowledged and unexpressed. But when you name an emotion, it loses some of its power. Even if your emotions are not what you want them to be, take the time to understand them and find a way to express them.

Mature man and woman talking with professional about estate planning or funeral planning

5. Focus on What You Can Control

Anticipatory grief can feel overwhelming because it involves so many unknowns. Focusing on what you can control rather than what you can’t control is helpful.

Preparing for a loss in practical ways may help bring a sense of control. You may want to focus on estate planning, funeral planning, and even writing the obituary in advance.

Gather a team of experts around you to help you. Your team might include an estate planning attorney, a funeral planning specialist from the funeral home, hospice nurses, caregivers, and an accountant who can assist with tax issues and questions.

The more prepared you are for a loss, the more you will be able to be in the moment with your loved one in their last days and weeks.

Woman under an umbrella, standing near a lake

Anticipatory grief can be a challenging and emotional experience. However, these five strategies can help you cope and navigate this difficult time with grace and strength. Remember that grief is a natural part of the human experience, and it’s okay to seek help and support when you need it. With time and patience, you will find a way to honor the memory of your loved one and move forward with peace and healing.

Oct 06
Love1
Open wooden casket with ivory lining

Rental Caskets: What You Need to Know

By Cremation, Educational, Explore Options, Planning Tools

Cremation may be on the rise, but that doesn’t mean you can’t plan a full service to celebrate a loved one’s life with viewing and visitation. Many families assume that choosing cremation means sacrificing a viewing or having the body present at the funeral service. But that’s where rental caskets (also called ceremonial caskets) come in!

Today, most funeral homes offer rental caskets, which allows you to select cremation and still have a full service with a loved one’s body present. There’s just one major difference. After the funeral service is complete, the casket will not be escorted to the cemetery. Instead, mourners will attend a gathering or reception, and the body will be prepared for cremation.

In this way, families can pair the healing power of saying goodbye in person with the cost-effectiveness of cremation. Thankfully, you don’t have to give up the traditional elements when you prefer cremation over burial.

Open wooden casket with ivory lining

What else do you need to know about rental caskets? Let’s review some important details to consider.

How is a rental casket different from a standard casket?

When looking at the rental casket, most people won’t be able to tell that it’s not a standard casket. However, the construction is a bit different. The foot panel swings out like a door, allowing an insert to be placed into or removed from the casket exterior. So, the deceased person is placed in a removable container (often made of wood or cardboard) and that box is gently slid into the rental casket. The removable insert comes with its own fabric liner, which is for one-time use, and it is hidden from view once inside the casket exterior.

So, the casket is re-used?

Yes and no; the exterior frame of the casket is re-used, but the removable insert is not. As mentioned above, at no point does the deceased person’s body come in contact with the rental casket itself. The removable insert fully supports the body and the fabric liner within the insert is one-time use only. In this way, the rental casket is protected and preserved.

Additionally, the rental casket is professionally cleaned and sanitized after each use. While the deceased body never touches the rental casket, this extra level of cleanliness is taken to ensure the best possible experience for everyone.

Couple standing next to a casket covered in flowers, paying their respects

What happens to the removable insert?

By law, when a body is cremated, it must be placed in a container of some sort (often made of wood or cardboard). The removable insert can perform both functions – both as the interior of the rental casket and the alternative container at the crematory.

Where can I get a rental casket?

If you’re looking for ease and convenience, the funeral home is your best option. They will have rental caskets available, and there may even be options to choose from. It’s possible to rent from a third-party business, but please note, you will be responsible for making sure the funeral home has access to it before the funeral.

What is the average cost of a rental casket?

It all depends on your area and the funeral home. To get a sense of costs, request a General Price List (GPL) from reputable funeral homes in your area. The GPL should list the cost of a rental casket and what that fee includes. Remember, you will pay for the removable insert/alternative container in addition to the rental casket.

White rose on closed wooden casket

Can I use a rental casket if I choose burial instead of cremation?

While rental caskets are most commonly used for funeral services before cremation, they can be used when burial is chosen. For example, you might want a ceremonial casket for the viewing, but then bury the deceased person in a much simpler casket. Speak with a funeral director about your options. Then, weigh the pros and cons of whether renting a casket is best for your needs.

What’s next?

To learn more about rental caskets or the full service options available with cremation, contact a funeral home you trust.

Also, if you’d like more information what a General Price List is and what your rights are as a consumer, check out Know Your Rights: The FTC Funeral Rule. With this information, you can confidently interact with the funeral home and get your questions answered!

Sep 22
Love0
Man in white shirt holding Catholic rosary beads

Understanding the Catholic Funeral Rite

By Meaningful Funerals

The Catholic funeral rite is a time-honored tradition that allows the Catholic community to gather in support of the bereaved and to commend dear departed loved ones into God’s loving and merciful hands. A Catholic funeral rite is divided into three parts, each with its own purpose: vigil, funeral liturgy, and rite of committal. By following the complete structure, the bereaved family is strengthened in faith, hope, and love through the funeral ritual.

Wooden Catholic rosary laying on top of open Bible with lit candles in background

Love: Vigil Service (Wake or Rosary)

The vigil is a prayer service usually held the evening before the funeral and may include a rosary. The Order of Christian Funerals (no. 56) states, “At the vigil, the Christian community keeps watch with the family in prayer to the God of mercy and finds strength in Christ’s presence.” This is a special time for the bereaved family to receive love and support from their Christian brothers and sisters and to share stories as they honor and remember a unique life.

At the vigil, much like a viewing or a wake, family and friends gather in the home of the deceased, in the funeral home, or in the Church to pray and remember the deceased and commend them to God. In prayer, they ask God to console them in their grief and give them strength to support one another. The vigil is the most appropriate time for family and friends to share stories, eulogies, and memories.

Woman sitting in pew, praying with hands clasped

Faith: Funeral Liturgy

The funeral liturgy is the central expression of faith for the Catholic community after the loss of a loved one. It may be celebrated at a Requiem Mass, or when Mass cannot be celebrated, a funeral liturgy outside Mass can be celebrated at the Church or in the funeral home. The funeral liturgy is an act of worship in which the family and friends of the deceased gather with the Church to give praise and thanks to God. Through prayer and petition, the focus is placed on Christ’s victory over sin and death as a loved one is commended into God’s tender mercy and compassion.

Woman standing at casket, giving final respects; line of people behind her waiting to give their own final respects

Hope: Rite of Committal (Burial or Interment)

The Rite of Committal is the conclusion of the funeral rite. The Church prefers that burial take place on consecrated ground. In committing the body to its resting place, the community expresses hope that the deceased awaits the glory of the resurrection. The Rite of Committal is an expression of the communion that exists between the Church on earth and the Church in heaven: the deceased passes with the farewell prayers of the community of believers into the welcoming company of those who need faith no longer, but see God face to face.

These three actions come together to create the Catholic Funeral Rite, which has brought comfort to Catholics for centuries. But if you are unfamiliar with the Catholic Rite, you may have additional questions. Let’s talk through a few of the most common ones.

Interior of a Catholic church with pews and altar

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the Church’s stance on cremation?

While burial remains the more typical and preferred practice, it is no longer uncommon for Catholics to choose cremation. The Church teaches that the body should be cared for with great respect and dignity, both as God’s creation and as former temples of the Holy Spirit and as an expression of our hope in the risen life to come.

The Order of Christian Funerals offers three options with the cremated body:

  1. Have the cremation follow the funeral service, with a disposition of the cremated body through burial in a cemetery
  2. Gather for the committal of the cremated remains at the cemetery first, followed by a funeral liturgy at the church
  3. With direct or immediate cremation, a funeral liturgy at the church may follow with burial of the remains at an appropriate time

The practice of scattering the cremated body is not encouraged, nor is dividing the cremated body or keeping the urn at the home of a relative or friend, although burial at sea in an urn is acceptable.

Man in white shirt holding Catholic rosary beads

What happens at the vigil service?

The vigil often takes place at the Church, in the funeral home, or at the home of the family. Generally, a priest or deacon will preside, but a layperson may also preside. The primary purpose of the vigil is to provide mourners with an opportunity to pray, offer support and condolences to the family, and to hear or give tributes and eulogies.

What should I expect at a Requiem Mass?

A few things differentiate a Requiem Mass (Funeral Mass) from a regular Catholic Mass. These differences include:

  • The casket of the deceased will be received by the priest at the front door. He will sprinkle the casket with holy water and cover it with a pall. Then, he will lead the procession to place the casket on the catafalque (funerary platform).
  • The liturgy often includes passages from the Old Testament, read by the priest, family, or friends.
  • The priest often reads a psalm, a passage from the Gospels, and delivers a homily/eulogy.
  • Some, but not all, Catholic funerals include a Final Commendation, which is an additional eulogy after Holy Communion has been offered.
  • At the conclusion of the Requiem Mass, the casket is sprinkled with holy water once again before it is carried from the Church.

Priest spreading incense at a Catholic funeral

How long does a Requiem Mass last?

Anywhere from 40 minutes to an hour, depending on whether it is a full Mass or not.

What is the dress code and funeral etiquette for a Catholic funeral?

At a Catholic funeral, the mood will be formal and somber. It is appropriate to wear dark-colored clothing, such as black, charcoal, or gray. Wear something modest, though not casual. Jeans, hoodies, t-shirts, sportswear, and casual footwear are not recommended.

While prayers are being recited, you can stay seated with your head bowed. There will be parts of the Mass that require you to alternate between standing and kneeling. If you are unable to kneel, that’s fine, but try to at least stand.

If you are not Catholic, do not to take part in Holy Communion. You can follow the procession to receive a blessing from the priest, if you wish, but it is not required. For more funeral etiquette suggestions, click here.

Catholic Bible sitting on desk with rosary laid on top

Can I personalize a Catholic funeral?

Absolutely! In fact, personalization is encouraged as long it does not interfere with the Church rites that must be completed. You can speak with both a funeral director and the priest to determine if your personalization plans are appropriate.

Hopefully, you have a better understanding of the beauty and rich tradition behind the Catholic Funeral Rite. However, if you have more questions, speak to a trusted local funeral director. They can answer any additional questions that may be on your mind.

Sep 14
Love0
Man and wife sitting at table together, looking at book and making choices for funeral

5 Emotional Benefits to Funeral Preplanning

By Educational, Plan Ahead, Planning Tools

There are many practical benefits to funeral preplanning – like saving money, qualifying for Medicaid, and having funeral funds set aside to pay for everything – but did you know there are also emotional benefits? And let’s be honest – the emotional part of death is the hardest part. So, if you’re on the fence about planning ahead for your funeral wishes, take a look at these 5 emotional benefits that preplanning can give your family during a time of grief and loss.

1. Preplanning reduces stress

Woman sitting at home with a cup of tea, feet resting on coffee table, no stress

After the death of a loved one, it falls to the surviving family members to plan the funeral with the help of a local funeral home. If there’s no advance preparation, that means the family will have to answer 130+ questions in a short period of time. On top of that, they will have to come up with the funds to pay for the funeral, and most families aren’t prepared to take on that kind of unexpected financial responsibility. But with funeral preplanning, you can reduce the stress your family will feel by answering all the questions ahead of time. And if you want, you can set aside funds to cover all the costs.

2. Preplanning removes doubt and uncertainty

Looking down at a pair of black dress shoes; three arrows indicating different directions to choose; which to choose

Have you ever had to make an important decision without first speaking to your spouse? It’s hard, and there’s a lot of uncertainty. That’s what happens when a loved one doesn’t leave instructions about their funeral wishes. When faced with planning a loved one’s final tribute, surviving family members often feel deeply uncertain and doubt the decisions they made.

Was cremation the right choice? Should we have had a viewing to say our last goodbyes? Could we have done more to personalize the service? By putting your funeral wishes in writing, you remove these feelings of indecision. Instead, your family can honor your life the way you want and feel good about it.

3. Preplanning prevents hurt feelings

Son and three sons hugging; family close-knit

What happens when everyone is feeling stressed and no one knows what to do? Stress increases, opinions come out, and arguments begin to simmer. When it’s unclear how to proceed with the funeral plans, surviving family members may begin to disagree on how to proceed.

For example, your son may prefer burial while your daughter thinks cremation is best. Or your spouse is worried about expenses while your children want a big extravagant event. With 130+ questions to answer, there’s a lot of room for argument and hurt feelings. However, when your preferences are clearly outlined with funeral preplanning, your family knows what you want. They can then use that roadmap to honor your life and legacy.

4. Preplanning provides a sense of stability

Young couple talking to funeral director about a loved one's advance funeral plan

It may sound weird, but funeral preplanning can actually give your family a sense of stability and control. When a loved one dies, routines are disrupted, and everything feels out of sync, upended, out of control. But when there’s a plan in place, a feeling of stability returns. They don’t have to wade through a sea of uncertainty without a compass. Instead, your advance funeral plan becomes an anchor amidst the whirlwind of planning. The first days following a loss are the hardest, and that sense of stability can soothe emotions and calm fears.

5. Preplanning brings peace of mind

Young family playing a game during a grandparent visit; everyone happy and at peace

Lastly, funeral preplanning can bring peace of mind to you and your family. For your family, they can rest easy, knowing that you’ve taken care of everything. The selections have been made. The music and venue chosen. The vital statistics are already on file at the funeral home. All your family has to do when the time comes is to choose a date and time. And you can rest in the knowledge that you’ve done everything you can to care for your family and make a difficult experience a little bit easier. That’s a beautiful gift.

Before we go, one more thing.

Man and wife sitting at table together, looking at book and making choices for funeral

Quick Tip: Invite Others to Plan with You

One of the benefits of planning ahead for your funeral wishes is that it gives you time to consider all the options and choose what best fits your personality and preferences. As you plan, you’ll definitely want to work with a reputable local funeral home. The funeral director can help you understand your options and act as a resource throughout the advance planning process.

However, also consider inviting your family into the planning process. Yes, you are putting a plan in place to help them, but they can also help you. You may think that a simple burial with no service would be easiest, but your family may want to have a funeral service and invite friends and extended family to pay their respects. The funeral is about your life, but it’s also about your family’s emotional needs. Consider listening to what they think and incorporating some of those ideas into your funeral wishes.

Sep 06
Love0
Woman wearing an orange shirt as she frosts a cake

Remembering Loved Ones Through Baking

By Grief/Loss

Some things are universal, across every culture and background. Having an emotional connection between memory and food is one of those things. As human beings, we connect with others through food. Shared meals, holiday traditions, beloved family recipes, and special treats all strengthen bonds and bring families together over the years. That’s one reason why baking can be a meaningful (and tasty) way to remember a loved one. Let’s look at a few other reasons why baking can help you grieve and honor a loved one’s memory.

A man and a woman baking together, with ingredients laid out on counter

Baking unlocks memories

According to scientific research, of the six senses, the one most connected to memory is the sense of smell. So, when you bake Grandma’s famous Christmas cookies or Dad’s favorite casserole, the smells are going to unlock cherished memories and bring you comfort.

Baking is therapeutic

After the loss of a loved one, you may feel like your life is spinning and you’ve lost control. For some people, loss of control can increase feelings of anxiety. Because baking is predictable – certain ingredients mixed together create a delectable treat – it can bring a sense of peace and calm. You can’t control every factor of your life right now, but you can control the outcome of Aunt Susan’s tried-and-true banana-nut bread.

Woman pulling a baking sheet out of the oven in a bright kitchen, natural light

Baking reduces stress

Similarly, baking can reduce your stress levels, too. The repetition of steps can calm you down. And the smells bring comfort and relaxation. Plus, knowing that your efforts will result in something delightful to eat (or share with others) brings a sense of accomplishment. And if you are feeling particularly stressed, you can take it out on the bread dough you’re kneading!

Baking provides creative opportunities to honor loved ones

While you may follow a specific recipe, baking also gives you room to express a certain amount of creativity. If you want to honor a loved one’s memory, you could make cupcakes in their favorite color or flavor. Or, you could decorate them with a special theme, like butterflies, sports team colors, or fishing. Alternatively, you can mix-and-match. Perhaps you prefer buttercream frosting, but your grandmother just loved chocolate ganache. Make your favorite cake and ice it with chocolate ganache in her memory.

Woman wearing an orange shirt as she frosts a cake

Baking minimizes the fear of forgetting a loved one

Have you ever feared that you might forget a loved one’s face, their voice, their smell? By actively engaging with the things they loved – like their favorite baked goods – you can keep that memory alive. Not only will the sweet smells activate your memory, so will the look, taste, and feel of whatever you make. Together, your senses will help you travel back in time and keep your loved one’s memory alive.

Baking brings a sense of closeness to your loved one

There will be times when you desperately miss your lost loved one. In those times, you can remember them through baking their favorite things. If it’s the holidays, bring out Mom’s family-famous reindeer cookies. If it’s her birthday, bake her favorite cake. As you enjoy each fragrant bite, take time to reflect on your memories and cherish the time you had together.

Father and young daughter baking together, smiling and having a good time

Baking brings people together

Most of the time, baked goods are meant to be shared. Because of this, baked goods are an excellent birthday or holiday gift, especially when they have special meaning. So, you might choose to bake your loved one’s favorite pumpkin bread to share with family or friends, and when you do, you might say, “This was my son’s favorite.” As you invite others into your grief journey, you allow them to come alongside you to offer support and love. We need both when we’re grieving the death of someone dearly loved.

However, Don’t Stress About It

Maybe baking sounds like a good idea, but you aren’t so sure about putting it into practice.

Just remember:

Keep It Simple

If you want to bake something special in memory of your loved one, keep it simple. If it’s the holidays and you decide you want to bake ALL of the family Christmas cookies, that can get overwhelming fast. Instead, choose one or two that mean the most. The more complicated you make it, the less likely you are to actually do it.

Woman pulling cupcakes out of the oven, focus on cupcakes

If Baking Isn’t Your Thing, That’s Just Fine

And let’s be honest, not everyone enjoys baking. If that’s you, don’t worry. There are other ways to use food to honor and remember a loved one. Pick up their favorite store-bought pastries. Get a meal at their favorite restaurant. Order their signature drink at the coffee shop. You can still benefit from the smell, taste, and feel of meaningful foods if you didn’t make them yourself.

No matter what works best for you and your family, food is closely tied to our memories of the people we love. As you mourn the loss of someone you love, rest on your precious memories and allow them to help you grieve.

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