christy.kessler, Author at Funeral Basics

Jun 02

Orange walkman with pile of cassette tapes beside it

10 Songs from the 1980s for a Celebration of Life

By christy.kessler Meaningful Funerals, Music, Planning Tools

Orange walkman with pile of cassette tapes beside it

When it comes to planning a loved one’s celebration of life or final tribute, music plays a pivotal role. It sets the tone and invites people to express their emotions openly. To create a truly personal tribute, it’s important to choose songs that are meaningful or significant in some way. For those who grew up through the decade – or just love the music from that decade – here’s a list of 1980s songs to consider including at a loved one’s celebration of life.

1. Always Something There to Remind Me (Naked Eyes – 1982)

Oh, how can I forget you?When there is always something there to remind meAlways something there to remind me

An enduring cover of the original song, this 1980s version has become a true classic. As with many love songs, its focus on love, loss, and memory makes it an appropriate song for a funeral or memorial service. As the lyrics state, how can we ever forget those we love? We won’t and that’s as it should be. Those we have loved and lost will continue to live on in our hearts and memories for the remainder of our lives.

2. Time After Time (Cyndi Lauper – 1984)

If you’re lost, you can look, and you will find meTime after timeIf you fall, I will catch you, I’ll be waitingTime after time

Anyone familiar with the best jams from the 80s will know this catchy title. Cyndi Lauper’s first #1 hit in the United States, its message is both bittersweet and hopeful. For the grieving, its discussion of feeling confused, experiencing flashbacks, and having suitcases of memories may feel familiar. You may feel the same way. But as the song says, even when you’re feeling lost, you can find your loved one – look to your memories!

3. Endless Love (Diana Ross & Lionel Richie – 1981)

Ooh, yesYou will always beMy endless love

For those who are mourning the loss of a spouse or partner, this gorgeous song may be a worthy addition to a celebration of life. Not only does the music cascade around you and carry you with it, but its lyrics are unforgettable. Having an “endless love” is a beautiful thing and a true gift in this life. If that’s true of your relationship with someone, consider including this classic to honor and celebrate that love.

4. Wind Beneath My Wings (Bette Midler – 1988)

Did you ever know that you’re my heroAnd everything I would like to be?I can fly higher than an eagleFor you are the wind beneath my wings

Part of the soundtrack for the movie Beaches, this moving rendition highlights the relationships in our lives that make us feel encouraged, lifted up, and capable of so much more. Perhaps one of the most-played funeral songs, it’s perfect to honor a mentor, a parent, or someone who has been a constant source of love and support in your life.

5. Total Eclipse of the Heart (Bonnie Tyler – 1983)

(Turn around)
Every now and then
I get a little bit tired
Of listening to the sound of my tears

While this recognizable tune may seem an unusual addition to the list, it describes the grieving process very well. Sometimes, you will feel lonely, tired, nervous, or a bit terrified. You may occasionally feel like you’re falling apart. Just as the singer is experiencing an eclipse of the heart through the dissolution of a relationship, so are you – through the death of a loved one.

6. Goodbye My Friend (Linda Ronstadt & Aaron Neville – 1989)

So goodbye my friendI know I’ll never see you againBut the time together through all the yearsWill take away these tears

Though not Linda Ronstadt’s most well-known song, this one still hits the mark. It speaks about the unexpectedness of death but also how the good times – the cherished memories – will carry you through the grief journey ahead. In fact, it’s those memories and the love you shared that will take away the tears. With its focus on friendship, this song is a good addition to a final tribute for someone you considered a dear friend.

7. Who Wants to Live Forever (Queen – 1986)

And we can have foreverAnd we can love foreverForever is our today

A true legend, Queen produced music that still speaks to us today. With its ethereal and absolutely stunning sound, “Who Wants to Live Forever” forces us to confront a question we rarely ask ourselves. Do we really want to live forever? And the song suggests that rather than trying to life forever, let’s instead make the most of the “one sweet moment set aside for us.” This song is perfect for the Queen enthusiast or someone who thought about the deep things in life.

8. How Am I Supposed to Live Without You (Michael Bolton – 1983)

Tell me, how am I supposed to live without you?
Now that I’ve been loving you so long

In his signature style, Michael Bolton takes us along for an emotional experience with this heart-wrenching song. As with many love songs, it works well as a funeral song for a beloved spouse or partner. After loss, the future may look scary or unfamiliar, and you may not be sure how you are supposed to live without that special person. The lyrics perfectly capture that sense of love, loss, and trying to find the way forward.

9. I’ll Be Loving You (Forever) – (New Kids on the Block – 1989)

We’ve gone too far to ever turn back nowThis love will last foreverI can see it all now

With its soft cadence and soothing melody, this song from New Kids on the Block will set the tone for any celebration of life. With softness and kindness, its lyrics help us remember that when we lose someone we love, they are never truly gone. Love lasts forever – far beyond the years we have together. While this song naturally lends itself to being used for the final tribute for a significant other, you could also use it for a female sibling, parent, or friend.

10. Forever Young (Rod Stewart – 1988)

Be courageous and be braveAnd in my heart you’ll always stayForever young, forever young

Written by Rod Stewart with his children in mind, “Forever Young” became an instant classic. The song doubles as a reminder that our loved ones will be forever young, forever alive, in our memories. No matter what life may bring in the years ahead, your loved one will be remembered and never forgotten. Consider this song for honoring the life of a parent, a child, a young person, or someone who was eternally young at heart.

Songs from other decades

Other musical options for a meaningful funeral

May 27

Love0

How to Personalize Symbols at a Funeral

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Personalization, Planning Tools

The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can use symbols to personalize a loved one’s final tribute and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.

 First, Why Does Personalization Matter?

“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.”  – Dr. Alan Wolfelt

In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!

A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about symbols and their role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!

How to Personalize Symbols at a Funeral

Symbols are an important aspect of a funeral because they convey love and comfort, facilitate expression, and offer a focus point for the bereaved. Common symbols are an appropriate religious symbol, flowers, personal items, candles, or whatever feels best to honor your loved one.

1. Include appropriate religious symbols

For people of faith, consider including religious symbols at the service. At a Catholic or Protestant Christian funeral, this could mean placing the Bible or a cross in a prominent location. For Jewish funerals, perhaps you could include the Star of David or read meaningful passages from the Torah. Depending on the religion the person followed, there are many possible symbols to incorporate that would honor their beliefs. If the person whose life you want to celebrate wasn’t religious, check out How to Plan a Healing Funeral if You Are Not Religious.

2. Include cultural or traditional elements

Another possible source for symbols is cultural or traditional elements. For example, it’s customary in the United States to place the casket or urn in a place of prominence so that it will be the focal point of a service. Or you could have a funeral procession, which acts as a symbol of respect and final rest. Drape a flag over a veteran’s casket or urn. Also, consider including cultural elements. For example, in many Asian countries, white is the color of mourning. You may choose to include white flowers or white accents to honor that tradition.

3. Turn special items into symbols

If you’d like an even more personal option, you can turn special items into symbols. For one grieving family, an appropriate symbol was the quilts their grandmother made. Before her death, she made a quilt for every child and grandchild, and at her final tribute, the quilts were displayed on the pews – a representation of her love and impact on her family. You could use a prized record collection, personal artwork, or even bring their Harley-Davidson into the venue.

4. Invite guests to participate

If you’d like to add a much broader symbolic element to a loved one’s final tribute, consider inviting guests to participate. You could ask everyone to wear the deceased’s favorite color. If they were a Harry Potter or Star Wars fan, ask people to wear something in that theme. You could ask guests to bring in a favorite photo to add to a group collage set up near the casket or urn. There are so many ways to include others in adding meaningful symbolism to a funeral service.

Questions to Help You Brainstorm

If ideas aren’t coming to mind already, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what kinds of symbols you could include at a service.

Are there any traditional funeral elements that bring you comfort?
Is there a part of your cultural or religious background that should be included?
Did your loved one collect anything?
Was your loved one part of any groups that have recognizable symbols?
Did their choice of career include any symbols, such as a stethoscope for a doctor?

Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for choosing symbols that will not only personalize the funeral but add special meaning as well. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.

May 23

Love0

Two women at an estate sale, one buying an item

11 Tips for Planning a DIY Estate Sale

By christy.kessler Educational

After the death of a loved one, you may find yourself needing to sort out that person’s physical estate – their home and belongings. This task can be difficult, especially if the death was recent, but with a plan in place, you can make the process easier. If an estate sale seems the best way to downsize and financially benefit the surviving family, consider these 11 tips for putting on a successful DIY estate sale.

NOTE: If there are any disputes regarding the estate, wait until those conflicts are resolved before hosting an estate sale. Also, honor any bequests in the legal will before putting items up for sale.

11 Tips for Planning a DIY Estate Sale

1. Check Local Guidelines

While the first step isn’t glamorous, it’s best to know what you can and can’t do before you get started. Some cities may require a permit or have certain rules about street signage, parking, or even the day of the week.

The best thing to do is call your City Hall (and your HOA, if applicable) and ask about any laws or regulations regarding estate sales. They will have all the information you need to stay within the bounds of local law.

2. Sort Items and Create an Inventory

Next, figure out what you want to sell. Hold onto any items that have strong sentimental value and give close family members the opportunity to choose a few mementoes before creating your inventory. Once you’ve removed the items you want to keep, start cataloguing what you’d like to sell.

The most common items to sell are jewelry, artwork, clothing, antiques, furniture, appliances, silverware and china, and other household items. You could also sell cars, trucks, campers, electronics, boats, and other large items.

What are some items you shouldn’t sell? Do not sell liquor (a license is required). If items are significantly frayed or damaged (especially car seats, helmets, or items pertaining to safety), do not add them to your inventory. Their ability to protect may be compromised due to heavy use and should not be passed on to others.

3. Remove Any Personal Items

As you sort and create your inventory, remove any personal items at the same time. For example, remove used toiletries, broken items, and other things that will just be thrown away. Additionally, remove any personal documentation, like medical bills, passports, licenses, birth certificates, family photos, and official military documents. Also, if you come across unused prescription medications, make sure to properly dispose of them so they aren’t misused.

4. Look into Tax Implications

Now that you have your inventory, it’s time to find out whether the estate sale will have tax implications for you. While the sale of small items isn’t necessarily going to trigger additional taxes, the sale of larger or rarer items could. For example, are you selling cars? Valuable artwork, antiques, jewelry, or collectibles? These items could add up until they reach the threshold for reporting.

So, with your inventory in hand, speak with a trusted tax professional. They will help you understand whether you may owe taxes when the estate sale is over.

5. Set the Date

Next, keeping your city’s guidelines in mind, you can look at setting a date for your estate sale. Always consider your own calendar first. How much time do you need to organize, price items, gather helping hands, advertise, and so on? Give yourself plenty of time.

Most estate sales occur around the weekend – Thursday through Sunday – and last two or three days. If there are a lot of estate sales in your area, you could instead choose to host the sale during the week to stand out a bit more from the competition.

6. Price Your Items Strategically

Pricing is perhaps the most difficult part of the process. You want to charge enough, but not so much that people don’t want to buy.

Before you price items, do a little research into their resale value. Also, take the item’s condition into account when pricing. For more in-demand items, place a higher price tag. For easy-to-acquire items, like clothing or kitchenware, choose a lower price tag.

And if you want to keep it simple, do bulk sales. For example, “All paperback books $2. All hardback books $3.” And as the estate sale progresses, you can reduce pricing to entice shoppers to buy even more. You could use a pricing scale like “Day 1: Full Price, Day 2: 25% Off, Day 3: 50% Off.” The goal is to sell as much as possible and that may mean negotiating or reducing prices as the sale goes on.

7. Stage the House

To increase your chances of selling items, it’s best to make sure everything is organized and displayed neatly. If your shoppers have to sort through junk piles, they are less likely to stay and discover the treasures waiting to be found.

Instead, you could display silverware, china, and other kitchen items together. Place all the clothes on racks in one area of the house. Group similar clothes together – men’s, women’s, unisex, and children’s. Use the larger spaces to display furniture. Also, ensure that there are easy pathways to get from room to room and add signage to help people know what’s where. And if there are any spaces you don’t want people wandering into, put up “Off Limits” signs.

8. Find People to Staff the Sale

You can’t run an estate sale on your own. So, reach out to your support network to find people who will help you staff the sale.

Here are a few ways trusted friends or family could help:

Run the payment station
Load purchased furniture into vehicles
Answer questions
Direct traffic
Monitor each room to answer questions and discourage theft
Lightly reorganize an area when items nearby are purchased
Look after any children or pets to keep them out of the way

If you’d like, you could also set up an area where shoppers can purchase baked goods and refreshing beverages. The proceeds could go to benefit a good cause or simply increase the revenue of the estate sale. If it’s a hot day, having cold water bottles on hand for a dollar or two each could keep your shoppers cool and encourage them to stay longer.

9. Set Up an Easy Payment System

While many estate sales are cash-only events, you could also offer electronic sales with a little advance preparation. Set up a Venmo, PayPal, or CashApp account. Or you could rent or purchase a mobile credit card reader. The more payment options you have to offer, the more likely you can facilitate any sale.

Clearly mark the location of the payment table. You could even ask your volunteers to wear a certain color to make them easy to identify. Additionally, make sure you have a secure cash box with enough bills to make change.

Estate sale sign on the curb outside the home

10. Advertise Your Estate Sale

To draw the biggest crowd, you’re going to want to advertise. You could go with more traditional methods like signs, flyers, and newspaper ads. To expand your reach, you can also include online methods, like Facebook, Instagram, community forums, or estate sale websites (like www.EstateSales.net or www.EstateSales.org).

Some advertising will cost money while other options will be free of charge. It’s up to you to decide which options you prefer. Also, when you contact City Hall to look into local guidelines, ask if there are any laws or regulations regarding advertising your estate sale.

For any physical signs you create, make sure they are brightly colored and include the dates, times, and address of your estate sale. You could also include pictures or a list of some big-ticket items you are hoping to sell. Post any signs in places that are clearly visible from the road and include directional arrows.

11. Clean Up and Donate

Once the estate sale is over, it’s time to clean up the house and figure out what’s going to happen to any unsold items. If you have the time and energy, you could try to sell items on eBay or Facebook Marketplace. Alternatively, you could drop everything off at a charity donation center, like Salvation Army, Goodwill, Habitat for Humanity, or a local thrift store you’d like to support. A third option is to rent a roll-off dumpster and just toss everything inside. You could even do a little of all three. It’s up to you what works best for your situation.

With these 11 tips, you have the framework for putting on a successful DIY estate sale. However, if all of this seems like too much to deal with during a time of grief, consider the merits of hiring a professional estate sale company to do it for you. Whether you put it on yourself or go with a professional company, an estate sale can be a financially beneficial way to close out a loved one’s physical estate. Best of luck!

May 20

Love0

Man in uniform sitting on couch, talking on phone as he learns about veterans' burial benefits

What Are My Burial Benefits as a Veteran?

By christy.kessler Planning Tools, Veterans No Comments

When you’re planning a funeral for a veteran, it’s always a good idea to look into the burial benefits that are available through the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA). Some families are able to save hundreds, or even thousands, of dollars by tapping into these financial benefits. But what benefits are available to veterans?

Reimbursement for Funeral Services

When a veteran dies, the surviving family members may apply for an allowance as partial reimbursement for an eligible veteran’s burial/cremation and funeral costs. Allowances are split into two types: a burial allowance and a plot allowance. Make sure you keep all receipts from the veteran’s funeral services, so they can be submitted with your application for reimbursement.

The allowance amount depends on several factors, including whether or not the death was service-related. To learn more about allowance amounts and how to apply, please click here.

Burial in a National Cemetery

Some veterans may choose burial in a U.S. National Cemetery or state veterans cemetery.

For burial in a national cemetery, all expenses are fully covered, at no cost to the family. However, because the VA takes on full responsibility for burial, the surviving family cannot apply for a plot allowance. (They can still apply for reimbursement on other funeral services.) Click here to learn about the eligibility requirements for burial in a U.S. National Cemetery.

However, with a state veterans cemetery, there may be some costs. These types of cemeteries are run by the individual states and may have their own rules and regulations. The cost will likely be minimal, but it’s not guaranteed to be free of charge. Your funeral director will know which state veterans cemeteries are close by and can help you figure out if there will be a cost for burial.

The VA does not pay for burial in a private cemetery, but the family can apply for a plot allowance to assist with the cost of purchasing a plot or niche. Additionally, a veteran’s family can still request a government-issued headstone.

Headstones and Grave Markers

A deceased veteran, discharged under any condition except dishonorable, is entitled to a standard government headstone or marker. Upon request, the VA will furnish the headstone or marker for the gravesite.

Markers are available for both burial and cremation. Flat markers come in granite, marble, and bronze while upright headstones are available in granite and marble. In national cemeteries or veteran state cemeteries, the style must be consistent with existing monuments or markers at the burial site.

Click here to learn more about grave markers, headstones, and medallions available through the VA.

United States Burial Flag

The VA will provide a United States flag to drape over the casket or urn of a deceased veteran. Only one flag is provided per veteran. In general, the next of kin receives the flag; however, the VA will furnish the flag to a friend upon request.

What Documents Do You Need to Claim VA Burial Benefits?

One of the most difficult tasks for a survivor after the death of the veteran is the completion of numerous claims forms for VA benefits. To help facilitate the process of claiming a veteran’s burial benefits, below is a list of documents you will need to bring with you to the VA office:

Proof of veteran’s military service (Form DD214)
Service serial number or Social Security Number
Veteran’s birth certificate (to determine a parent’s benefits)
Veteran’s death certificate
Marriage license (if applicable) or divorce decree
Children’s birth certificates (if applicable)
Government life insurance policy

For more information about veterans’ benefits, please call the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs or visit their website at www.va.gov/burials-memorials.

Additional Resources

Top 4 Misunderstandings Around Veterans’ Burial Benefits
Veterans’ Burial Benefits FAQ
Everything You Need to Know About Government-Issued Veteran Headstones
Does the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) Pay for a Veteran’s Funeral?
Why Should Veterans Plan Ahead?

May 02

Love0

Woman kneeling in front of a slant or bevel grave marker

Quick Guide: Selecting and Installing a Grave Marker

By christy.kessler Cemeteries, Explore Options

As human beings, we have an innate desire to remember and be remembered. This is one reason why permanent memorials, such as grave markers and memorial plaques, are so important. They provide a place for family and friends to reflect on and remember a loved one’s life and legacy. Permanent memorials also give future generations a place to anchor themselves to the past and discover their own roots.

Young man and woman wearing black and visiting a loved one's grave

If you are planning for burial, you may have questions about selecting and installing a grave marker. Below are some suggestions to keep in mind as you consider what type of permanent memorial best fits your specific needs. Please note – both caskets and urns can be buried, so even if you choose cremation, a permanent memorial is something to consider.

Look into the specific guidelines and regulations of your cemetery

Before deciding on the material and style of a grave marker, speak with your chosen cemetery. Some cemeteries have certain restrictions about what they do and do not allow. For example, space limitations may prohibit a large grave marker, or they may require a flat plaque to make ground maintenance easier. Contact the cemetery to determine if they have any rules or regulations regarding permanent memorials.

Select the type of grave marker

When choosing a grave marker, the first thing you will need to select is a type. The grave marker you choose is based on personal preference, unless you must adhere to cemetery regulations.

Here are some common options to consider:

Footstone – Generally made of marble, this marker is located at the foot of the grave.
Upright Headstone – The traditional style of marker that sits tall in the ground.
Flat Marker – Lies flush with the ground and has a minimalist design.
Slant Marker – Similar to a flat marker but taller with an upward slant to make reading the inscription easier. Also includes a minimalist design.
Bevel Marker – Looks a bit like a pillow; slightly raised off the ground, slanting downwards from the back to the front.
Niche Marker – Usually found in a mausoleum, this plaque attaches to the wall outside a niche.
Ledger Stone – A large stone that covers the entire space above a grave.

Choose the grave marker material

In addition to choosing a type of grave marker, you will also need to choose a material. Some grave markers only come in specific materials, so be sure to speak with the monument company about your options.

The following are some common materials to choose from:

Granite – Known for its durability, this is a very popular choice. Over the years, granite has become increasingly affordable and is now one of the less expensive options.
Marble – Often chosen for aesthetic reasons, marble is a beautiful, smooth material. Unfortunately, it also weathers easily, so the inscription may eventually fade.
Stainless Steel – A newer type of grave marker, stainless steel is less susceptible to weathering than most other materials.
Bronze – A sturdy and aesthetically pleasing choice, bronze requires very little upkeep. However, it is a more expensive option.
Limestone – A traditional, elegant material, limestone is visually pleasing but weak. The softness of this material makes it particularly vulnerable to environmental decay.

Consider adding custom elements to the grave marker

Depending on your chosen cemetery, you may have the option to customize a loved one’s grave marker. This could include adding a photo, personalizing the inscription, or choosing a custom shape, like a heart or a book. You will partner with a monument company to design a loved one’s grave marker, so during that consultation, ask about your custom options and see if anything appeals to you as a way to honor your loved one’s memory. Click here for more information abut personalizing grave markers.

Ask about the cemetery’s installation services

Because installing a grave marker takes skill and knowledge, cemeteries often offer installation services. When you speak with the cemetery personnel, ask about the installation fee and how much it is. In the off chance that they don’t offer installation services, you can pay a local monument installer to set it for you. The cemetery can direct you to a trusted local installer.

Look into your headstone options as a veteran

If you are an eligible veteran or veteran dependent (like a spouse), the Department of Veterans Affairs will provide a free headstone or appropriate marker for your grave. To receive a government-issued headstone, a veteran can be buried in a national cemetery, a state veterans cemetery, a military post or base cemetery, or a private cemetery.

However, a veteran’s dependents aren’t eligible to receive a free headstone if they are buried in a private cemetery. Installation fees at a private cemetery may still apply.

To learn more about your grave marker options with the Department of Veterans Affairs, visit their website.

Get creative with green or natural grave markers

If your family is interested in green or natural burial, you may want to consider planting a tree or a shrub at the gravesite. This option is environmentally friendly and could be particularly meaningful if the deceased was fond of nature. Some green or natural cemeteries will allow you to place a small, flat stone as a marker, but they do not allow the use of standard grave markers. To learn more about green or natural burial, click here.

Plan ahead for cemetery needs

After the loss of a loved one, families are often distracted from their grief by all the decisions that must be made. By planning ahead, you can remove many of these funeral planning obstacles ahead of time. Talk to your loved ones about your preferences in advance or work with a local funeral home and cemetery to outline your wishes. When they don’t know a loved one’s preferences, many families agonize over whether or not they made the right funeral choices. With a little advance preparation, you can make a difficult time easier for your surviving family members.

If you have more questions about selecting or installing a grave marker, reach out to your chosen cemetery. They will answer your questions and help you understand your options.

May 01

Love0

Image of Vietnam Women's Memorial sculpture

Honoring Our Fallen Heroes: Vietnam Women’s Memorial

By christy.kessler Memorial, Veterans

“I want to say how proud I was of the women I served with, and how much we cared for these young men who served during that era. I’m so grateful to all those wounded soldiers in particular who came to stand by our side and support us to help us get [the] memorial built. They were so appreciative and so grateful.” – Diane Carlson Evans, Captain in the Army Nurse Corps

Memorial Day is a day set aside every year to honor and remember the many men and women who have died while serving the United States of America and its people. As we seek to honor them, let us remember them and the great sacrifices they made to preserve life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Vietnam Women’s Memorial

More than 265,000 military and civilian women served around the world during the Vietnam War era. They filled professional, technical, leadership, and humanitarian roles. Around 11,000 women served directly in Vietnam, and 90% of them were nurses. The Vietnam Women’s Memorial honors every woman who served in the Vietnam War, particularly the eight nurses who lost their lives.

Dedicated on November 11, 1993, the memorial highlights the stories of women in the military, ensuring that their dedication, resolve, and courage are remembered right alongside the servicemen they partnered with during the conflict. Situated just south of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, the Vietnam Women’s Memorial is a stunning bronze sculpture that depicts three women in various roles of service. It stands nearly 7 feet (2.1 meters) tall and weighs 2,000 pounds (907 kilograms).

How It Came to Be

Without Diane Carlson Evans, it’s possible that the Vietnam Women’s Memorial would not exist today.

As a former Army combat nurse and Vietnam veteran, Evans made a point of attending the dedication ceremony of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in 1982. The following year, she saw a picture of the statue depicting three servicemen (called “The Three Soldiers”). It was slated to be added to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. At that moment, she decided that women should also be honored, or their contribution to the war might be forgotten by future generations.

Evans founded the Vietnam Nurses Memorial Project (now called Vietnam Women’s Memorial Foundation), and she championed the creation of a memorial to honor the women who served during the Vietnam War. It would take 10 years, but on November 11, 1993, the Vietnam Women’s Memorial was dedicated as an act of honor and remembrance.

Meaningful Features of the Memorial

The Sculpture of Three Women

While Congress approved the creation of the memorial in 1988, they rejected the initial design. This led to an open design competition with 350 submissions. Of the submissions, Glenna Goodacre’s design came out on top, and she received a commission to create the statue.

Renowned for her bronze work, Goodacre has won numerous awards and honors for her skill. When asked about the design for the Vietnam Women’s Memorial, she said:

“The emphasis of this tribute is centered on their emotions: their compassion, their anxiety, their fatigue, and above all, their dedication. The photos from Vietnam often included stacks of sandbags. It seemed natural for a nurse – in a moment of crisis – to be supported by sandbags as she serves as the life support for a wounded soldier lying across her lap. The standing woman looks up, in search of a med-i-vac helicopter or, perhaps, in search of help from God. The kneeling figure has been called “the heart and soul” of the piece because so many vets see themselves in her. She stares at any empty helmet, her posture reflecting her despair, frustrations, and all the horrors of war.”

8 Yellowwood Trees

George Dickie, a professor of architecture at Penn State University, was chosen as the landscape designer for the memorial. His challenge was to create a landscape concept that would seamlessly incorporate the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, the Three Soldiers statue, and the Vietnam Women’s Memorial. The three pieces were all added to the memorial at different times.

By adding pathways and a terrace, Dickie was able to bring the three separate elements together. Perhaps the most significant landscaping feature is the 8 yellowwood trees that surround the Vietnam Women’s Memorial sculpture. Each tree represents one of the eight women killed in action in Vietnam.

These women are also recognized on the Memorial Wall, alongside more than 58,000 names of men who lost their lives or were missing in action. The women, all nurses, named on the Wall are:

1st Lt. Hedwig Orlowski
2nd Lt. Carol Drazba
1st Lt. Sharon Lane
Captain Mary Klinker
Captain Eleanor Alexander
2nd Lt. Elizabeth Jones
2nd Lt. Pamela Donovan
Lt. Colonel Annie Graham

To learn more about these brave nurses, click here to read about their service during the Vietnam War.

Why Do We Have Memorials?

Permanent memorials ensure a lasting tribute for those who have been loved and lost. They also allow us, as people, to honor those we wish to always remember. Just as we create memorials for our heroes, we also create them for our loved ones. There are five key reasons why permanent memorials are important, whether it is to commemorate an event, a group of people, or just one person, like a close loved one.

A permanent memorial provides a place for people to mourn.
It gives all mourners (not just family) access to pay their respects and connect with those who have died.
It provides a permanent place that will exist for generations to come.
It allows people the opportunity to remember and reflect on the lives lived.
It ensures that the dead are remembered and respected.

For many of our veterans, a large-scale memorial honors the group as a whole. The Vietnam Women’s Memorial stands proudly alongside the Three Soldiers statue and the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall. Together, they honor all who served in the conflict. However, for individuals, families set headstones, grave markers, or inscriptions in place. Both types of memorialization are important and honor our veterans and our loved ones.

Want to Get Involved?

If you’d like to assist the Vietnam Women’s Memorial with its mission, you can donate to their cause at www.vietnamwomensmemorial.org.

Additionally, if you are planning a visit to Washington, D.C., consider stopping at the Military Women’s Memorial Museum. The well-reviewed museum features an education center, interactive exhibits, and an impressive collection of stories from women in the military.

May 01

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Honoring Our Fallen Heroes: Air Force Memorial

By christy.kessler Memorial, Veterans

“A soldier can walk the battlefields where he once fought, a Marine can walk the beaches he once stormed, but an airman can never visit the patch of sky he raced across on a mission to defend freedom. And so, it’s fitting that, from this day forward, the men and women of the Air Force will have this memorial, a place here on the ground that recognizes their achievements and sacrifices in the skies above.” President George W. Bush

Air Force Memorial

Opened in 2066, the Air Force Memorial is an impressive structure with three spires soaring to the sky. The memorial honors both current active-duty Air Force servicemembers as well as airmen and women killed in action. Strategically located at a promontory point, the monument overlooks Arlington National Cemetery, the Pentagon, the Potomac River, and the Washington, D.C. skyline.

The memorial stands at 402 feet (123 meters) high, and the tallest of the three spires is 270 feet (82 meters). The memorial is flanked by two granite walls, each highlighting inscriptions based on the three core values of the Air Force: “Integrity First, Service Before Self, and Excellence in All We Do.” The Air Force Memorial receives hundreds of thousands of visitors every year and is a visually stunning tribute to aviation and the United States Air Force.

How It Came to Be

In the 1990s, the Air Force Association (AFA) and the Air Force Sergeants’ Association (AFSA) began efforts to create a memorial honoring the Air Force. In 1992, Oliver “Ollie” Crawford – a WWII U.S. Army Air Corps veteran – established the Air Force Memorial Foundation with the intent to raise funds to construct an Air Force memorial.

In 1993, legislation passed authorizing the creation of an Air Force memorial. With that approval, the Air Force Memorial Foundation worked closely with the National Park Service to survey 18 possible sites. After much contemplation, the Air Force Memorial Foundation selected three acres at the memorial’s current location. The groundbreaking ceremony was held on September 15, 2004. The event was attended by dozens of renowned military aviators and featured a flyover of both vintage and modern aircraft.

The Unique Design and Its Meaning

As with any memorial, the creators approached the design with intentionality and purpose. The Air Force Memorial Foundation selected architect James Ingo Freed to design the memorial. Freed’s previous designs include the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum and the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center.

Curving Spires “Soaring to Glory”

Perhaps the most striking feature of the memorial is its centerpiece – three stainless steel and concrete spires that rise more than 200 feet (61 meters) in the air. Collectively called “Soaring to Glory,” the spires are visible for miles and evoke the Air Force’s three core values. Additionally, each spire represents different members of the Air Force – active, guard, and reserve. According to James Freed, the memorial’s “array of arcs against the sky evokes a modern image of flight by jet and space vehicles. At the same time, it enshrines the past in permanent resemblance of the pioneers of flight who came before and pays homage to the future.”

Air Force Honor Guard Sculpture

Another signature feature of the memorial is the Air Force Honor Guard sculpture. The bronze image depicts four figures dressed in precisely replicated USAF Honor Guard clothing. The sculptor paid meticulous attention to every detail, from the crossing of the shoelaces to every aspect of the clothing. Two of the figures are flag bearers (holding the U.S. flag and the Air Force ceremonial flag). The other two figures are weapons bearers. When speaking about his vision for the sculpture, artist Zenos Frudakis says that the figures “came into view as unique people, with faces and bodies infused with life, inspiring connections to the real people who serve and sacrifice. They reflect the diversity of gender and race that strengthens the Air Force and the nation.”

Other Notable Features

While the spires and the Honor Guard sculpture are the focal points of the memorial, other notable elements were included. The Parade Ground (walkway) leads visitors to two granite walls. Each wall is engraved, including Medal of Honor recipients and quotes relating to the USAF’s three core values. Additionally, there is a glass wall that honors missing Air Force members. Each element invites visitors to reflect on the courage, sacrifice, and dedication of the Air Force.

Why Do We Have Memorials?

A permanent memorial provides a place for people to mourn.
It gives all mourners (not just family) access to pay their respects and connect with those who have died.
It provides a permanent place that will exist for generations to come.
It allows people the opportunity to remember and reflect on the lives lived.
It ensures that the dead are remembered and respected.

For many of our veterans, a large-scale memorial honors the group as a whole. This is the case with Air Force servicemembers and the Air Force Memorial. However, for individuals, families set headstones, grave markers, or inscriptions in place. Both types of memorialization are important and honoring to our veterans and our loved ones.

Want to Get Involved?

There are many ways to support the United States Air Force, its members, and their families. If you are interested, consider looking into the following charitable organizations to see if one appeals to you:

Airmen Memorial Foundation
Folds of Honor
Air Force Aid Society
Air Force Assistance Fund

Apr 25

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Woman in blue sweater sitting on bed, writing in journal

Grief Support Options to Consider After Suicide Loss

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss, Loss from Suicide

In the United States, suicide has become a leading cause of death, reaching nearly 50,000 deaths in 2022. With each death, it’s estimated that there are six or more “suicide survivors” – those deeply affected by the loss and left to grieve and try to understand what happened.

While all forms of death are difficult, losing a loved one to suicide comes with extra challenges. That’s why it’s so important for suicide survivors to receive support as they grapple with the questions and emotions that come along with suicide loss. Today, we’re going to discuss support options that are available to those who are struggling with the suicide death of a loved one.

1. Join a Support Group

Suicide loss comes with hardships that not everyone experiences or understands. Often, suicide survivors deal with social stigma, shame, isolation, trauma, and confusion about why this happened or how they missed the signs. At a suicide grief support group, survivors will meet other people walking a similar path. Grief can make you feel isolated, but by joining a support group, it becomes apparent very quickly that you aren’t alone in what you’re feeling.

To find a support near you, visit the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention (AFSP), where you will find a directory of support groups. You can search by zip code to find the nearest groups.

2. Speak with a Grief Counselor One-on-One

For some, speaking with a grief counselor face-to-face may be the best fit. If there are particularly traumatic memories, such as being the first to find a loved one who completed suicide, there may be things you don’t want to discuss with a larger group. Through one-on-one sessions, suicide survivors can talk through any traumatic memories, depression, confusion, anxiety, or flashbacks.

There are counselors who specialize in companioning those dealing with suicide loss. If you know a grief counselor in your area, reach out to them directly to schedule an appointment. If you aren’t sure where to start, ask family or friends for recommendations or visit AFSP’s directory for clinicians who have received training to support suicide loss survivors.

Counseling is also available online through organizations like Better Help or Online Therapy.

3. Find an Online Forum

Another option for receiving support after suicide loss is to find an online forum to share what’s on your mind and receive encouragement from others. If you aren’t sure about joining an in-person group, an online forum may be a good first step.

Perhaps the most well-known forum is Alliance of Hope, which offers a “culture of kindness, hope, and understanding to people who have lost loved ones to suicide.” You can either post yourself or simply read others’ posts – both actions can help you on your own journey toward healing.

4. Read Books about Suicide Grief

As you work through the complicated emotions that come with suicide loss, there may be times when you just need to know that there’s hope. Consider looking into books about suicide grief, especially if you are someone who likes to read. You could dive into a more academic understanding of what to expect on the grief journey or you could read about another person’s journey through suicide grief. Hearing someone else’s story may be just what you need to feel encouraged for the healing work ahead.

Depending on your preference, select a physical book or an audiobook. Look online for book recommendations, but here are a few to get you started: “10 Books to Help You Through Suicide Loss.”

5. Talk with Family and Friends

Lastly, let’s not underestimate the power of talking things out with family or friends. Speaking with family members may be difficult at first, particularly if you are both deeply grieving the same person. But at the same time, leaning on each other can bring you closer and help you feel connected and supported through this upsetting time. And don’t feel like you need to speak to everyone – choose people you feel comfortable sharing with.

During times of grief, it’s essential to talk through what’s going on in the mind. By talking about the past, sharing memories, or voicing difficult emotions, everything comes out into the open. When previously hidden things are in the open, they lose their power over us. It may be easier to hide in the dark, but to find healing, things need to be addressed and brought into the light.

Additional Resources

As you consider your grief support options, remember that you aren’t limited to just one. If you’d like to join a support group, talk with a counselor, chat on an online forum, read books, and share with family and friends, do it. The more support you receive after suicide loss, the more likely you are to find the healing and reconciliation you need. While you may never fully understand why your loved one decided to complete suicide, you can come to a place where you can accept the answers you’ve found.

To help you on the journey, here are additional resources to consider. May your heart find healing and hope for the future as you process the death of someone dearly loved.

Suicide Loss & Prevention Websites

Suicide Loss & Grief Blog Articles

Apr 24

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Microphone ready for eulogy; white and red flowers and chairs in the background

How to Personalize the Eulogy at a Funeral

By christy.kessler Meaningful Funerals, Personalization, Planning Tools

The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about different ways you can personalize the eulogy and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.

 First, Why Does Personalization Matter?

A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways.  Now, let’s talk about eulogies and their vital role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!

How to Personalize the Eulogy at a Funeral

In many ways, the eulogy may be the single most important aspect of a loved one’s service. It’s a time to acknowledge and affirm the significance of their life. A time to share memories, to reflect on important life lessons, and to celebrate who they were as a unique individual. The eulogy can be delivered by a clergy person, a family member, or even by a series of people, and it’s important to be thoughtful and intentional about the tribute you give.

1. Share cherished memories

When crafting a eulogy, consider what comes to mind when you think about the person who has died. What are your most significant memories with them? If they were a prankster, share their best jokes or tricks. For animal lovers, talk about beloved pets. If there are family memories that bring joy, paint a picture of those moments. Were they a board game enthusiast? Give the audience a retelling of an epic game. You can go many different directions with the eulogy, based on your loved one’s life and the most meaningful moments you shared.

2. Highlight community involvement

Some people are known for their contribution to the community, and it would be remiss not to mention their volunteer work. You might consider also asking fellow volunteers or organization leaders to step up and give a short eulogy. Alternatively, if your loved had a career that positively impacted others, you could invite colleagues to say a few words. No matter where they volunteered or how they gave back to the community, there are people who can speak to that specific aspect of your loved one’s life and honor their commitment and dedication to a cause.

3. Bring visual aids

Another option for personalizing the eulogy is to bring visual aids. This might sound a little odd at first, but visual aids can increase the impact of the eulogy. For example, if you are sharing memories, bring a slideshow of related photos and use them to emphasize your storytelling. Or, if your loved one was an artist, bring a particularly meaningful project with you and share its significance. There are so many items you could bring as visual aids. You could bring anything from crafts like quilts to sports equipment like golf clubs or a fishing pole. The funeral home can even work with you to bring in larger visual aids, such as a motorcycle or something similar.

4. Use your personal talents to create a unique tribute

Sometimes, words aren’t enough, and we must express ourselves in other ways. If you are a songwriter, you could compose a song in honor of your loved one and include it in your eulogy. For those who are more artistic, consider painting, drawing, or building something that showcases your love for the person who has died and share its meaning in the eulogy. Are you a dancer? Choreograph a routine to the tune of your loved one’s favorite song. While the eulogy is about honoring the person who has died, it’s also about your grief journey and how you want to honor their life. Don’t be afraid to use your talents to say goodbye.

Questions to Help You Brainstorm

If ideas aren’t coming to mind already, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what you could include in a meaningful eulogy at a service.

Are there any memories that are particularly meaningful to you?
Did you and your loved one share a hobby or interest?
Was your loved one involved in community work?
If people were to describe your loved one, what would they say?
Were they passionate about something in particular?
Were they family-famous for anything?

Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for crafting a eulogy that will honor your loved one’s life beautifully. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.

For additional inspiration, here are more articles on eulogies that may help:

Apr 18

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Person wearing black coat and holding white memorial flower

7 Tips for Planning a Memorial Service

By christy.kessler Educational, Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals

Do you know the main difference between a memorial service and a funeral service? At a funeral service, the deceased’s body is present, either in an open or closed casket. However, at a memorial service, the body is not present and a framed portrait or an urn serves as the focal point, instead of a casket.

You can have a memorial service with either burial or cremation; it all depends on whether the body is present at the service or not. Both options will beautifully honor a loved one’s life – it just depends on your family’s preferences.

If you aren’t sure how to proceed, let’s discuss why having a service is important and 7 helpful tips for planning a memorial service.

Does Having a Service Matter?

Having some sort of ceremony or opportunity to mourn the death of someone loved allows you to acknowledge the reality of the situation and serves as a good first step on the road to healing. According to a study conducted among adults aged 40+, “82 percent said that a service was helpful in paying tribute to or commemorating the life of a friend or family member” and “72 percent believed services they attended were an important part of the healing process.”

Memorial services allow for a great deal of flexibility if additional time is needed to gather together as a family. In fact, it is not uncommon for a memorial service to be held a month or more after the death. Whether you decide on a funeral or a memorial service, it’s important to remember the role that memorialization plays in the grieving process. Spend some time thinking about the type of service that would best honor your loved one’s life and spirit.

7 Tips for Planning a Memorial Service

If you decide to honor your loved one with a memorial service, there are many important choices you will need to make. Here are some tips for creating a rich and meaningful memorial service.

1. Choose a Fitting Location

Since the body will not be present, you have a lot of freedom regarding where the memorial service takes place. A memorial service can be held at the home of the person who has died or a favorite spot of the deceased. People have also used church buildings, local or national parks, community centers, funeral home chapels, the graveside, and even restaurants to pay their respects. No matter where you choose, remember to include a photo of the deceased or bring the urn so people have a visual reminder and can say goodbye.

2. Select Articulate Speakers

Find a few family members and friends who are good public speakers to deliver a eulogy, read poems or scripture, and tell funny or inspiring stories. Since the memorial service often takes place a few weeks after the death, the speakers will have time to gather their thoughts and could even run their ideas by each other.

3. Consider Music

If you are at a venue that accommodates the playing of music, take advantage of this opportunity. Music is a great way to honor the life of a loved one. It communicates feelings that can be hard to put into words. You might play a loved one’s favorite song or another piece of music that ties to the life in a special way. For additional help choosing custom music for a memorial service, check out “How to Personalize Music at a Funeral.”

4. Create a Slideshow

If you choose a location that has some technical capability, you could play a slideshow in honor of your loved one’s life journey. Include pictures or videos of important life events, places, and people that shaped your loved one’s life. For more insight into how a slideshow can be a meaningful addition to a final tribute, take a moment to read “The Importance of a Memorial Tribute Video.”

5. Provide Food and Drink

Many memorial services offer some kind of food, although the type of catering varies widely. You could include a full meal or simply offer light snacks and refreshments. Consider the time of day of the service when deciding on food. Also, you might choose foods that reflect your lost loved one’s preferences. If they loved chicken nuggets, get a tray from their favorite spot. For those with a sweet tooth, include an assortment of their favorite cookies or cakes.

6. Create the Guest List

If the memorial service is being held weeks or months after the death, make a list of everyone you would like to have attend and send out invitations to them. Mail invitations well in advance, so that guests who live far away have time to make travel arrangements. You could also post an invitation on your social media channels if that’s the easiest way for you to reach people.

7. Prepare “Thank You” Cards

Whether you choose a formal or informal setting, you’re likely going to need help as you create a meaningful service. For those closely involved in the planning, take time to thank them. Taking this extra step will also keep your support network alive. Stay in contact with the people who mean the most to you and find the people you can lean on as you begin your grief journey. After all, the memorial service is only the beginning of the road to healing.

Man in blue button-down shirt opening a letter in a brown envelope

These 7 tips will help you plan a meaningful memorial service, but remember, you aren’t on your own with this. The funeral home is available to assist you with memorial service plans. They can take on as much of the planning as you wish. Simply reach out to them and discuss what you’d like to do. They will provide options and help you brainstorm through all the possibilities.