christy.kessler, Author at Funeral Basics

Mar 01

Calendar with March 17 with shamrock, leprechaun hat, and pot of gold for St. Patrick's Day

Finding Meaning in St. Patrick’s Day

By christy.kessler Exclude from Top Posts, Seasonal

It’s that time of year again – St. Patrick’s Day! It’s the day to wear your greenest attire, maybe catch a parade, and celebrate the luck of the Irish. But while St. Patrick’s Day is a popular holiday across the nation, what do you know about the man himself? Today, as we celebrate St. Patrick through wearing shamrocks and drinking pints, let’s take a moment to look into his life and legacy.

St. Patrick’s Story

Much of the available historical information on St. Patrick comes from his memoir, The Confession, which describes details of his life, the people he came in contact with, and his inner spiritual journey. While he is associated with the Irish, St. Patrick was actually born a Roman (in the area we now know as Great Britain). When he was a teenager, he was captured by Irish pirates who raided the area, but at age 20, he had a dream in which God told him to flee. He escaped from captivity and made it to the coast, where sailors found him and took him back to his homeland.

In the memoir, Patrick claims to have received a vision that inspired him to return to the land where he was formerly enslaved, a land populated by pagans and Druids, to spread Christianity. He studied for the priesthood, became a bishop, and eventually returned to Ireland, where he converted scores of people to Christianity. Patrick is credited with bringing Catholicism to Ireland. Legend has it that he used the famed shamrock as a tool to explain the Trinity to his converts. He died on March 17, 461, at Saul, Downpatrick, Ireland, the site of his first church.

The Origin of the Holiday

On March 17, 1631, the church held a Feast Day in honor of the life and work of St. Patrick. This was the birth of St. Patrick’s Day. Ever since, the holiday has continued to celebrate the life of St. Patrick.

The Importance of Ceremony

St. Patrick’s Day reminds us of the necessity of ritual and tradition. It suggests that our need for rituals of commemoration is so strong that it can span hundreds of years and reach millions of people who did not even know the person at the heart of the celebration.

Do you have a loved one you’d like to honor in some special way? Consider choosing a day, perhaps their birthday or date of death, and wear a special color in their memory. Maybe you could even eat their favorite meal. Or you could see if your friends or family would like to join you in remembering someone special.

St. Patrick's Cathedral in Dublin, Ireland
(St. Patrick’s Cathedral in Dublin, Ireland)

If we use rituals to honor historical figures like St. Patrick, how much more important is it to honor our dearest loved ones? Consider creating a new tradition that best reflects your loved one’s life (it will vary from person to person).

Every life is special, and we should find meaningful ways to honor the individual qualities of a loved one. What we can learn from St. Patrick’s Day? That remembering those who have gone before is important. And that it’s always an honor to participate in special ceremonies for those who mean so much to us.

Dec 30

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Remembering Jimmy Carter, 39th U.S. President

By christy.kessler Current Events, Exclude from Top Posts

“The bond of our common humanity is stronger than the divisiveness of our fears and prejudices.” – Jimmy Carter

As we mark James “Jimmy” Earl Carter Jr.’s passing, we cannot help but reflect on his life and the legacy he leaves behind – a life characterized by his devotion to creating a better America.

In fact, in 2002, The Norwegian Nobel Committee awarded Carter the Nobel Peace Prize “for his decades of untiring effort to find peaceful solutions to international conflicts, to advance democracy and human rights, and to promote economic and social development.” He is one of only four presidents to receive the Nobel Peace Prize, and the only one to receive it after leaving office.

Biography

Before his presidency

Born on October 1, 1924, in Plains, Georgia, Carter was the eldest son of Bessie Lillian and James Earl Carter Sr. In his rural hometown, peanut farming, politics, and the Baptist faith were constants throughout Carter’s growing-up years. After high school, he went on to attend the Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland, graduating in 1946. That same year, Carter married Rosalynn Smith, and together, they had four children: Jack, Chip, Jeff, and Amy Lynn.

After seven years of service as a naval officer and the death of his father, Carter returned to Plains and ran the family farm before becoming involved in state politics in 1962. A few short years later, in 1970, he was elected Governor of Georgia and announced his run for president in 1974. Then, in November 1976, he won the presidential race against Gerald Ford (securing 297 electoral votes to Ford’s 241).

(Jimmy Carter grew up on a peanut farm in rural Plains, Georgia)

During his presidency

As with any presidency, there were many ups and downs, but he made advances in domestic affairs, including establishing national energy regulation policies, expanding the national park system, creating the Department of Education, and bolstering the Social Security system.

In foreign affairs, he helped bring amity between Egypt and Israel with the Camp David Accords, established full diplomatic relations with China, and completed a nuclear limitation treaty with the Soviet Union (now Russia).

However, a major setback occurred in the last 14 months of his presidency: The Iranian Hostage Crisis. Iranian militants stormed the U.S. Embassy in Tehran and held 66 Americans hostage, some for 444 days. This event, along with continuing inflation at home, led to Carter’s losing the presidency in 1980.

(Carter spent four years as president of the United States and lived in the White House)

After his presidency

Following his time as president, Carter devoted his time to becoming a champion for human rights. He opened the Carter Center in 1982, which focuses on issues relating to democracy and human rights. Through the Center, he played a key role in mediating disputes between the U.S. State Department and volatile foreign leaders, such as Kim Il Sung of North Korea and Muammar Qaddaffi of Libya. It was this post-presidency work that led to his receiving the Nobel Peace Prize.

Major Life Accomplishments

Served as the 39^th President of the United States (1977-1981)
Awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 2002
Authored 23 books, including Keeping Faith: Memoirs of a President (1983), Turning Point (1992), and An Hour Before Daylight (2001)
Became University Distinguished Professor at Emory University and opened The Carter Center

The Importance of a Legacy

As we look back at Carter’s life, none of us can deny that he leaves a legacy. But a legacy is not only for prominent people. Every single one of us leaves a legacy of some kind. It’s up to us whether that legacy is good, bad, or somewhere in between.

“Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.” — Shannon L. Alder

Look at your own life and determine what kind of legacy you want to leave. And then, ask yourself, “Does my life reflect the legacy I want it to?” If it doesn’t, start thinking about the big and small things you can change in your life to build the legacy you want.

Reflect on those who left a legacy for you

Every person is affected by the generations that came before, whether they want to be or not. It’s apparent in Carter’s life that his upbringing left a lasting legacy. So, think about your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, schoolteachers, coaches, neighbors, friends, and even people throughout history or in public service who have had an impact on the way you view yourself and the world. Each of these people left a legacy with you – some good, some bad. Now, think about the legacy you’ve built so far with those around you. Are you happy with it? Or are there some things you’d like to change?

(Carter received the Nobel Peace Prize for his dedication to conflict resolution, human rights, and social development)

Realize that leaving a legacy is not a choice

Whether you want to or not, you will leave a legacy because the people around you will remember you a certain way, depending on how you handled yourself and treated others. It’s up to you whether you have an accidental legacy or an intentional one. While Carter may or may not have initially set out to create a legacy, he did nonetheless. There’s nothing you can do to prevent people from forming an opinion of you, but you can contribute to whether that opinion – your legacy with that person – teaches them how to live well and love others or not.

Remember that quality time spent with others is the most important

When you involve yourself in the lives of others, you have an impact on their lives. Just as Carter had a profound impact on his wife, his children, and countless others, so can you. As the saying goes, when we near the end of our lives, we don’t wish we had worked more; we wish we had lived more. That includes spending time with the most important people in our lives. As you seek to leave a legacy:

Look for opportunities to know others and be known by them
Model and teach what’s most important
Compliment, encourage, and build up your family, children, and grandchildren
Share the wisdom that you have gained in your life and pass along the knowledge

With our legacies, we contribute to the future. What we do and say affects the lives of others and has the power to create good or bad. What we do matters. Most of us are not prominent people whose names are known by thousands, but that doesn’t ultimately matter. Instead, it is our responsibility as good men and women to create legacies that will take our families and the next generation to a level we can only imagine.

Let’s be intentional about the impact we have on others and create legacies worth remembering.

To learn more about how to build a legacy, make sure to read How to Leave a Meaningful Legacy.

Nov 25

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Man and woman in black clothing leaning on each other in a comforting way as they attend a visitation

Viewing vs. Visitation: What’s the Difference?

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Planning Tools

After losing a loved one, you will have to make many decisions regarding what type of services will best honor their unique life. As you speak with a funeral director, they may ask you, “Would you like to have a viewing or a visitation?” These two terms may seem interchangeable, but they actually aren’t. Let’s talk about the key difference between them.

What is a Viewing?

For some people, it’s important to physically see a loved one before they are laid to rest. At a viewing, the deceased’s body is available to “view,” often lying in a casket with flowers or memorabilia nearby. You can choose to have a public viewing or a private, family-only viewing.

The act of viewing the person can play an important role in the grieving process. It’s an opportunity to say goodbye in person, to touch that special person one final time, to kiss their forehead in farewell. It’s also an opportunity to truly acknowledge the reality of the death. Sometimes, the truth of a loved one’s death doesn’t feel real at first, but by seeing their body for yourself, the reality of the death begins to sink in. And as hard as it may be, accepting the reality of the death is an important aspect of the healing process.

Additionally, the viewing may also provide an opportunity to pay respects to the surviving family. It’s not required that the family be present at the viewing, but most of the time, they are. The viewing gives mourners access to the grieving family and the chance to offer condolences and support following the death.

What is a Visitation?

On the other hand, a visitation is a little different. The surviving family must be present, but the deceased’s body is not visible. While there may be photos, an urn, or even a closed casket, there is no viewing of the body itself.

Instead, the focus of the visitation is on paying one’s respects by offering support and condolences to the grieving family. It’s a time for surviving family members to make themselves available to friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors who want to offer their sympathies. It’s also a time to share stories about the deceased and comfort each other through shared grief.

Because the funeral service itself has an order of events, it’s not always the best time to offer support and condolences. The visitation is more casual and provides the chance to speak freely and as long as you want without the time constraints of the funeral service.

Are there Any Similarities?

Absolutely! Here are a few ways in which the viewing and visitation are similar to each other:

They may both include an opportunity to pay respects to surviving family members
Each event may be personalized to reflect the life of the person who has died
There may be refreshments or a meal provided, if the family wishes
The event can take place at the funeral home, church, community hall, or even a residence (depending on local regulations)
It doesn’t matter whether you choose burial or cremation, you can still have a viewing or visitation (though embalming is generally recommended for the viewing)

Could I Have a Viewing AND a Visitation?

Yes, you could, but to keep things less stressful for the grieving family, it’s often recommended to simply have a viewing with the family also present. By doing so, you cut down on the number of events the family must attend while still achieving the benefits of both a viewing and a visitation.

Is a Visitation or Viewing Required?

Neither of these events are required. It’s entirely up to your personal preferences whether you’d like to include either one. They do have their benefits, so speak with your family and the funeral director as you decide whether to include them or exclude them from a loved one’s final tribute.

Are There Times When a Viewing is Not Recommended?

Yes, there are times when the funeral director may recommend that the family skip the viewing. Most of the time, this recommendation is made because the body is not as presentable. While funeral homes can do wonders with cosmetics or restorative arts, there are times when it’s not enough to restore a loved one’s appearance to how you remember them. In these cases, the funeral director will use their professional judgment and suggest you skip the viewing. The final decision will be up to the surviving family members.

When Does a Viewing or Visitation Occur?

As you plan the funeral service with your chosen funeral director, you can discuss the options. The two most common choices are:

Have the visitation/viewing the evening before the funeral service. This allows anyone unable to attend the funeral service a secondary opportunity to say goodbye and offer their support.
Have the visitation/viewing the hour prior to the funeral service. This option means that the grieving family only has one event to attend, but there may be some people unable to attend due to their own work or personal schedules.

Ultimately, it’s up to the family to decide what’s best for their own grief and for honoring their loved one’s life.

Personalization is Key

Now that you have a better understanding about the key differences between a viewing and a visitation, it’s essential to discuss the importance of personalization. For an event to be meaningful, it must also be personalized. You can go simple or elaborate, but the personal touches will make the viewing or visitation that much more special to the grieving family and any other mourners.

Here are a few resources that will help you personalize the event, whether you choose a viewing or a visitation:

Nov 19

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8 Christmas Keepsake Crafts to Honor a Loved One’s Memory

By christy.kessler Christmas, Grief/Loss

Person holding homemade heart plush in hands

During the holidays, feelings of grief may feel even closer to the surface. Even if it’s been years since the death occurred, the family togetherness of the holidays can bring out fresh emotions. And that’s okay. It’s completely normal to feel this way and to miss someone who’s no longer here.

To help you turn your grief into healing action, consider creating a keepsake craft that will honor your loved one’s memory and bring a little comfort to your own heart. And when appropriate, don’t be afraid to invite the kids or grandkids into the process!

8 Christmas Keepsake Crafts to Honor a Loved One’s Memory

Some of these crafts are harder than others, so either choose one that fits your craft level or be prepared to learn a new skill. You can do it!

1. Commemorative Candle

Making commemorative candle at home with special scents and added lavender

With commemorative candles, you could purchase a candle in your loved one’s favorite scent or color. To personalize it a bit more, you could write their name on the candle with glitter pens or gemstones. Alternatively, you could get a white candle and create a candle wreath of their favorite flowers or make your own candle with special scents and add-ins. Or, if you just don’t trust your crafting abilities, you could go online to Etsy or a similar site and choose a memorial candle there.

2. Memorial Ornament

Making fabric Christmas ornaments from felt

If you’d rather create a memorial ornament for the tree, there are so many websites out there with instructions on how to create the perfect one – with levels from beginner to advanced. You could get a picture frame ornament and have your loved one’s name engraved on it. If they particularly loved reindeer or elves, you could put together an ornament based on these themes. You could also create a quilted ornament using fabrics with meaningful imagery. The possibilities are vast; all you have to do is select the one that appeals to you personally.

3. Decorative Wreath

Woman decorating wreath at home with ribbon

For those who love beautiful wreaths, creating a memorial wreath may be a good option. You could display it in your home or place it at a loved one’s final resting place. The design is entirely up to you, but you could use seasonal flowers, photos, miniature items to represent your loved one’s favorite things, or even add a few of their preferred Christmas candies. Alternatively, you could create an ornament wreath, using their favorite ornaments to fill in the wreath. There’s no right or wrong when it comes to personalizing the wreath. Here’s a tutorial to get you started.

4. Christmas Stocking

Three red and white Christmas stockings hanging from a mantel

Christmas stockings are a staple in many homes during the holiday season, and they are usually displayed in a prominent place in the home. If you’d like to keep your loved one’s memory near the forefront, you might consider sewing a memorial stocking. You can personalize the design and add their name to it. Then, when it’s placed with the other stockings, you will have a comforting, visual reminder of the person you love. You can even encourage family members to write down memories and slip them into the stocking over the holiday season.

5. Personalized Pillow Cover

Red and white pillow sitting gifts and a Christmas display

Even though they may not seem like it, pillow covers are easier to make than you might think. The biggest question is – what fabric will you use? And do you want it to say anything? You could have your loved one’s picture printed on fabric to use on the pillow. Or you could monogram a quote from their favorite Christmas movie. To make it even more personal, you could use articles of your loved one’s clothing to design the pillow cover. All of these options will create a sweet keepsake you can cherish for Christmases to come.

6. Memory Chain Garland

Person making a garland with Christmas trees and stars

Perhaps the easiest craft option on the list is to create a memory garland to lay on your mantle or wrap around a staircase or doorway. All you need is paper, scissors, tape/stapler, possibly string, and a few people to help. As you put together each piece of the paper chain, write down special memories of your loved one or things about them that you are missing this holiday season. As you talk together and reminisce, you may find that the ache in your heart lessens as you take time to share special moments and remember your loved one’s life.

7. Memory Table Runner

Four Christmas table runners sitting on table with ornaments

Do you enjoy decorating with table runners? Then this keepsake craft may work well for you. The design portion is entirely up to you. Maybe you want to keep the holiday theme but add some fabric photos of your loved one on Christmases past. Or you could add other personalized elements, like a border in their favorite color. Remember to draw out your design first, so you get a visual of what it will look like. And if you’d like to include the family in the final product, leave space for people to write down favorite Christmas memories with fabric pens.

8. Memorial Stuffed Animals

Knit white bear with red scarf and pulling sled with Christmas tree

If there are children or grandchildren in your life, you could sew or knit memorial stuffed animals as a gift. You can include a small tag on the animal with a special message from the person who has died, like “I love you” or “I miss your hugs.” You could also use a lost loved one’s clothing or leftover yarn as the chosen fabric for memorial animals. In this way, there is an added element of personalization to the gift. When the child is really missing your loved one, they can squeeze the animal and find comfort. And as they grow older, it will continue to be a cherished reminder of both you and the person who has died.

If none of these Christmas keepsake craft ideas appeal to you, not to worry! This list is far from comprehensive. Just do a quick search online, and you will find a treasure trove of options to consider. But no matter what craft idea you decide to go with, may creating something to honor your loved one’s memory soothe your heart and comfort your soul this holiday season.

Nov 19

Love0

Lit red candle sitting in window in remembrance of a loved one

12 Days of Christmas Remembrance Activities

By christy.kessler Christmas, Grief/Loss

While traditionally the 12 Days of Christmas start on December 25 and end on January 5 (the day before Epiphany), the timeframe has been culturally adapted over the years to occur earlier in the month or even later into January. So, for the purposes of this Christmas remembrance activities list, whatever 12 days you want to consider your 12 Days of Christmas is up to you.

Bearded grandfather sitting with grandkids, looking at pictures and telling stories

The point of this exercise is to give you an easy list of remembrance activities that you can use to honor and remember a loved one this holiday season. It’s okay to miss them, and it’s good to find a way to keep their memory alive for remaining family and friends. Acts of remembrance bring comfort, healing, and a closeness you may be seeking at Christmas. So, here’s a 12 Days of Christmas Remembrance Activities list you could use with your family this season.

1st Day of Christmas: Put Up a Memory Stocking

Three knit stockings hanging on the mantel with wreath garland

On the first day of Christmas, consider putting up a memory stocking. Either put up the stocking your loved one always used or a special one. Throughout the holiday season, your family can write down memories or thoughts or draw pictures and place them in the stocking. Then, perhaps near the end of your 12 days, you can all sit down together, read the notes, and remember your loved one together.

2nd Day of Christmas: Light a Candle

Lit red candle sitting in window in remembrance of a loved one

For a long time, candles have been a symbol of remembrance. Keeping the light burning throughout the holiday season signifies that the memory of a loved one still shines bright. You could select a special candle and light it each day. Alternatively, especially if you have kids in the house, you could purchase an electric candle that you can leave lit all the time. Either way, each time you see the candle, you’ll be reminded of your loved one and the special place they have in your heart.

3rd Day of Christmas: Bake Your Loved One’s Holiday Favorites

Father baking Christmas cookies with his two young daughters, happy and having fun

Christmas comes with the comfort of so many delicious and familiar smells wafting from the kitchen. To bring your loved one’s memory into the festivities, consider adding their favorite foods and desserts to your menu. Whether it’s the family-famous cinnamon shortbread cookies or the green bean casserole with extra onions, it will feel good to include their favorites in the holiday preparations. And if you cry a little bit, that’s okay. It’s good to find positive ways to balance grief and joy during the holiday season.

4th Day of Christmas: Watch Your Loved One’s Favorite Christmas Movie

Mother sitting on couch, watching a Christmas movie with her young children

Watching Christmas movies is a time-honored tradition for so many families. There’s something oddly comforting about the tradition of bringing out the movie favorites each year. If this is true for your family, consider setting aside an evening to watch your loved one’s preferred Christmas movie. Make an evening of it, complete with popcorn, snacks, and a cozy blanket to snuggle up under. You could even bring out a photo of your loved one, so they can “watch” the movie with you.

5th Day of Christmas: Attend a Remembrance Service

Three white remembrance candles against the backdrop of a church's stained glass window

It’s fairly common for churches and funeral homes to host remembrance events around the holidays. They are very much aware of the need to remember those loved and lost. Because of that, you should be able to find a remembrance event happening in your town or a neighboring one. If you’d like to attend, consider taking the whole family or inviting close friends. There’s something comforting about sharing a loved one’s memory with others. And if there are no remembrance events in your town, invite people over to your home for a remembrance dinner instead!

6th Day of Christmas: Create a Remembrance Ornament

Red, cross-stitched heart ornament

A remembrance ornament is a great way to honor a loved one’s life. You can pull it out each year as a continual reminder of the love shared between you. If you like to keep it simple, choose an ornament at the store that reminds you of that special person. Alternatively, you could use papier-mâché, wood, fabric, or other materials to create your own. You could also use buttons, glitter, beads, sand, seashells, rocks, or seeds to create a unique design. The possibilities are numerous.

7th Day of Christmas: Listen to Your Loved One’s Christmas Playlist

Family dancing to Christmas playlist, enjoying time together

Music is a big part of the holidays. From the classics like “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” to more contemporary options like Kelly Clarkson’s “Underneath the Tree,” there are so many melodies that may bring back memories. To honor your loved one’s memory, put together a short playlist of their favorites and blast it around the house. Not only will the music touch your heart, but it will also help you add meaning to the holidays.

8th Day of Christmas: Volunteer at Your Loved One’s Favorite Charity

Three people volunteering outdoors and planting trees and bushes

At Christmastime, many people focus on giving back to the community and helping others. If your loved one had a favorite charity, you could volunteer on their behalf or give a memorial donation. Alternatively, you could sign up for a 5k benefiting a local organization, spend time at the animal shelter, or deliver meals to homebound seniors. Whatever seems the best way to honor your loved one’s memory, do that and remember them.

9th Day of Christmas: Visit Your Loved One’s Final Resting Place

Person visiting a loved one's final resting place and leaving red roses as a token of their love

Another remembrance activity to consider is visiting your loved one’s grave. You can bring a wreath, a poinsettia, notes, or other meaningful items to leave behind as a token of your love. And if your loved one was not laid to rest in a cemetery, visit the place where their ashes were released or a place that is particularly meaningful to you. It doesn’t really matter where you go, so long as it’s a place where you feel a sense of closeness and kinship to the person who has died.

10th Day of Christmas: Bring Out the Family Photos

Group of family photos at Christmas

As visual beings, we often associate memories with images and items. Sit down and scroll through your social media history or bring out the photobooks. Talk about the stories behind the photos. As you reminisce, you will feel closer to your loved one and can honor different aspects of their personality. Were they the prankster on family trips? Did they always have 15 books when the trip was only 3 days long? Lean into the details and remember the uniqueness of who they were.

11th Day of Christmas: Wear a Christmas Sweater They Loved

Young woman sitting on couch at home, wearing an ugly Christmas sweater and working on her laptop

Was there a particular Christmas clothing item that your loved one just adored? Maybe it was that ridiculous llama sweater with festive lights or the socks with the cat’s face printed on them, complete with a Santa hat. Whether the clothing item belonged to them or you, consider taking it out of the closet and wearing it in their memory. It could be anything – shirt, pants, socks, earrings, whatever. And if you can’t think of a particular item, buy something you know would tickle their funny bone and think of them when you wear it.

12th Day of Christmas: Write Your Loved One a Letter

Man in sweater sitting at table, writing a letter and softly smiling

For the final healing activity, take a few minutes to look inward. Sit down in a quiet place and write your special person a letter. Let them know that you miss them. Tell them how the holidays have been going, what the kids or grandkids are up to, or what holiday activities you’ve done so far. During the grief journey, expressing your emotions and sharing what’s on your heart is so beneficial to helping you find the balance between grief and joy.

Now, this Christmas remembrance activities list is not set in stone. Feel free to switch around the days or add in your own ideas. This is merely a framework with some suggested activities to get you started. Personalize the 12 Days of Christmas Remembrance Activities to your family’s preferences and needs and create truly sweet moments this holiday season. May you find hope, peace, and joy as you honor and remember your lost loved one and keep their memory alive.

Nov 12

Love0

Black urn sitting outside in a natural setting

Urn Burial: Understanding the Basics

By christy.kessler Cremation, Explore Options, Planning Tools

When you choose cremation, there are a lot more choices than you might think. Would you like to have a service before or after cremation takes place? If so, would you like to add personalized details? What kind of cremation casket/container do you prefer? And amongst those questions is this – what is your plan for the cremated remains once cremation is complete? For some, urn burial is a great option to consider. Let’s learn more!

What is Urn Burial?

Just like it sounds, the urn is buried in the ground (like a casket), and there is a personalized grave marker with birth and death dates. Many cemeteries will require an urn vault (which encases the actual urn) to ensure the ground stays level as time passes. In general, urn burial will cost less than casket burial because cemetery plots are smaller in size and urns cost less than caskets.

If you would like to bridge the gap between a traditional burial ceremony and cremation, then urn burial could be a good choice for your family. It also provides a permanent place for friends and family to visit the lost loved one whenever they wish.

Where Can You Bury an Urn?

After you’ve decided that urn burial is the route you’d like to go, the next step is deciding where to bury the urn. Let’s review your options.

Burial in a Cemetery

Perhaps the most popular option, burial in a cemetery is relatively easy to coordinate and gives your family a place to visit and leave memorial items after a loved one has died. Many cemeteries offer an urn burial section, and as stated before, the cost is more affordable because an urn requires less space.

Cemeteries often require that you bury the ashes in a cremation urn vault. This prevents the ground from caving in and becoming uneven should the urn begin to deteriorate over time. To be clear, in most cases, this means you would select an urn (decorative, stone, wood, etc.) and that urn would then be placed in the urn vault before burial takes place.

Burial in an Urn Garden

Some cemeteries also offer urn gardens or memorial gardens as an option for urn burial. These gardens provide a natural setting with flowers, trees, water features, and sometimes reflection pools. However, there may be special rules around grave markers to ensure the garden maintains a clean look.

Urn gardens are not available in every town or city, so if you would like to pursue this option, speak with your funeral director. They will have a good sense of the options available in your area.

Burial in a Green Cemetery

For some, natural settings provide peace, tranquility, and an eco-friendly option. However, with green cemeteries, there will be specific requirements on which types of urns you can use.

Many green cemeteries will ask you to choose an urn that is all-natural and biodegradable with no synthetic glues, stains, or metal components. They will likely have eco-friendly urns available for purchase in materials like natural woods, ceramic, paper, or cardboard, to name a few.

Burial on Your Personal Property

Can you bury an urn in your backyard? In some states, you can. If you would like to bury a loved one’s ashes on your personal property, make sure you investigate state or local regulations first. There may be zoning laws or distance requirements that could prohibit you from urn burial on your property. Additionally, you may be required to have a special permit or to designate the land as a family cemetery. To see the regulations in your state, click here.

Additionally, it’s good to consider the long-term implications, such as property transfer. If you decide to sell your home at some point, you will either need to disclose to prospective buyers that there are human remains buried on the property, or you will need to dig up the urn and take it with you to your new home.

Burial on Someone Else’s Private Property

If you have a friend who owns acres and acres of land, and you have their permission to bury a loved one’s urn, then in most cases, you can do it. But as a reminder, look into those rules, regulations, and ordinances first. Every state’s requirements are different, so to make sure everything stays legal, look at the fine print.

If you are interested in burial on land that belongs to a corporation, business group, or even federal land, the likelihood of gaining permission is slim. For example, if you’d like to bury a loved one’s urn at their favorite National Park, you are unlikely to receive permission. While most National Parks allow scattering, they don’t allow burial. If you are denied permission to bury, it’s best to accept that decision and move on to your second choice.

What Types of Urns are Best for Urn Burial?

The best type of urn to choose depends on your personal preferences and the burial location. Before you can choose an urn, you first need to decide what type of urn burial you want. Once you’ve chosen, select which type of urn would work best.

Here are a few of the main types:

Temporary urn (box used to return ashes to the family)
Custom-built or personalized urn
Biodegradable, eco-friendly urn
Stone urn (which will also serve as a vault)

When choosing an urn, consider the material, design, size, and functionality. For example, if you’ve chosen burial in a green cemetery, there’s no point in looking at stone urns. Instead, your best bet is to look at biodegradable urns.

The material, design, and size will affect the pricing to a certain extent, so keep that in mind. Some metals or wood will be more expensive than others. If you’d like a custom shape, like a guitar for a musician’s funeral, that will add to the overall cost. However, these personalized details often carry rich meaning, and if they provide a way for you to honor your loved one’s life, carefully consider whether to customize the urn or not.

Regarding the size of the urn, make sure you know how much space the burial plot includes and purchase accordingly. Some cemeteries may even require specific dimensions, so confirm with the cemetery staff before choosing an urn or vault.

Urn Burial FAQs

To ensure you have the answers you need, check out these frequently asked questions.

Can you bury only part of the ashes?

If you’d like to keep a portion of the ashes for cremation jewelry or to place in a keepsake urn in your home, you can do that. Just make sure that you inform the cemetery, so they know the exact amount of remains to be buried.

Can you bury two urns in one burial plot?

It will be up to the cemetery’s regulations, but many do offer shared plots, allowing spouses or families to rest together. If this is important to you, speak with your preferred cemetery about their specific options.

Can you bury ashes without an urn?

You will need to double-check with your chosen cemetery, but many will require some sort of container. With a traditional cemetery, you can bury with an urn vault only, which means you would not need a decorative urn.

If you choose a green cemetery, it’s unlikely they will require an urn vault, but they may still request some sort of biodegradable container.

There may be some cemeteries that allow you to place the ashes directly in the ground (no urn or vault), but they are less common and may be harder to find in your area.

Do some urns serve as their own burial vaults?

If you select a stone urn, such as marble, onyx, or granite, the cemetery may not require that you also have an urn vault. Stone is not going to degrade in the same way as wood, ceramic, metal, or glass. However, ask the cemetery personnel what their policy is regarding stone urns. The answer may vary from state to state or cemetery to cemetery.

What material should I choose for the burial urn?

It all depends on your burial plan. Stone, metal, and marble offer longevity, durability, and strength. Biodegradable materials are preferred for green or natural burial. Speak with the funeral home or cemetery staff to get a sense of what works best for your specific needs.

Can you bury cremated remains you’ve had at home for a while?

Absolutely. In fact, it’s best to have a permanent plan for a loved one’s remains. Keeping the ashes at home is fine for a time to aid in healing. But keep in mind – someday you, too, will die. What happens to the ashes then? A younger family member may not realize the significance of the urn and simply clean out the house, not realizing the ashes were even there. Rather than have something unfortunate occur, make a plan for your loved one’s ashes – scattering, burial, placement in a columbarium – even if you don’t plan to remove the urn from your home for another 5 or 10 years.

Can you change your mind or move the urn after burial?

If you change your mind after urn burial has taken place in a cemetery, speak with the cemetery personnel to discuss your options. There may be restrictions on unearthing the urn once it’s placed in a cemetery. However, at your home, you can unearth the urn to allow you to scatter the remains or give them a different permanent home.

Disclaimer: This is general information, not legal advice. Consult a funeral director in your area to confirm, as state and local laws may vary.

Nov 03

Love0

Young woman sitting on couch, wiping eyes with tissues, as grief therapist offers comfort

6 Tips for Processing Grief in the Aftermath of Suicide

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss, Loss from Suicide

Losing a loved one to suicide is confusing, devastating, and can possibly lead to years of processing the questions and the pain. In some cases, you may never fully understand what happened or what was going on in your loved one’s mind. But even without all the answers, you can heal and find the strength to move forward. To help yourself or a dear friend navigate the aftermath of suicide, consider following these 6 tips.

1. Don’t give guilt or anger a foothold

After losing a loved one to suicide, it’s common to feel a range of emotions, ranging from guilt to depression to anger at the person who has died. You may ask yourself what you could have done to prevent the tragedy and become overwhelmed by guilt. Even as you grapple with these questions, the most important thing to realize is that the death was not your fault.

Studies have found that 46% of people who die by suicide have a known mental health condition, and other risks factors include substance abuse, intoxication, chronic illness, history of abuse, family history of suicide, or a recent tragedy, to name a few. In all likelihood, you were not directly involved in any of these factors.

Realizing these two fundamental truths – that your loved one may have been suffering from a mental illness and that their death was not your fault – can allow you to understand and sympathize with your loved one. Free yourself from guilt and anger. Embrace compassion for yourself and your lost loved one. Consider participating in healing actions, like telling the story of your loved one’s life, finding ways to honor their memory, or cultivating compassion for others who suffer from mental illness.

2. Find a good therapist

Grief therapy can be helpful for anyone experiencing the pain of loss, but for those who have lost loved ones to suicide, it is particularly beneficial. The traumatic nature of suicide makes loved ones more susceptible to intense psychological distress, and professional help is required in many of these cases.

Counseling helps suicide loss survivors see the situation more clearly, and a trained therapist can help you understand the psychiatric problems your lost loved one faced. The therapist may also be able to help you recognize and stop unhealthy patterns of thinking so you can grieve in a healthy manner.

3. Surround yourself with people you love

You may be tempted to isolate yourself and try to come to grips with suicide loss on your own. But isolation breeds unhappiness, especially after a traumatic event. Instead, make a concentrated effort to stay connected to the people who matter in your life.

If you are a person of faith, visit with people in your spiritual community. Invite friends over or go out to social events. Talk to family members often and look for opportunities to socialize. Those who have lost loved ones to suicide often struggle with depression in the months after the loss, and studies indicate that social interaction is a great way to decrease depression. Friends and family members can keep you anchored in a routine, and their love will provide you with a sense of safety, security, and familiarity.

4. Join a support community

In addition to speaking with a therapist and staying in contact with close friends and family, you may also want to consider finding a support community. After a loss, you may feel totally alone. Joining a support group will help you realize that you aren’t alone and will allow you to form new connections that will give you strength and encouragement as you travel down the road to healing.

Groups such as Survivors of Suicide Loss (SOSL) and Alliance of Hope allow you to hear the experiences of others who have lost loved ones to suicide. They also give you the opportunity to share your thoughts (if you wish to). You might find that expressing your feelings in a welcoming and sympathetic environment helps you work through the loss and provides the encouragement you need to continue your journey toward healing.

5. Be patient with yourself

Next, remember that grief follows no timeline, and there is no rush. You have experienced a loss that is enormously painful. It’s normal to find yourself experiencing periods of deep sadness, even long after the loss. When those grief bursts or triggers come, allow yourself to cry or express frustration when you need to.

The fact is you will never stop missing your loved one. But over the course of time, you can find ways to enjoy life again. As you work toward healing, embrace what you feel and accept that it’s okay to be upset. Strive not to compare your grief feelings to the feelings of others. The grief journey is not linear – everyone is different. By allowing yourself (and others) to feel the emotions of grief without judgment, you can make a great deal of progress on your grief journey.

6. Establish your loved one’s legacy

For many people, it’s healing to find ways to remember the positive impact your loved one had on the lives of others. You might attend a prayer vigil or a gathering with loved ones where you all openly share memories and stories. You might give a memorial donation to a charity, start a scholarship, or participate in a 5K in their honor.

If you feel comfortable, you may even start a blog or find another way to write about what your loved one meant to you and those around you. Sharing the story of your loved one’s life can be an important healing step on your grief journey.

Woman in black dress holding white flower bouquet while visiting loved one's grave

While these 6 suggestions aren’t a miracle pill for recovering from suicide loss, each one will greatly benefit you. The journey ahead may not be easy, but working through the emotions of grief and finding healing is well worth the time and hard work. May you find the peace and healing you need and deserve!

Online Resources

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Nov 01

Love0

7 Ways to Decrease Thanksgiving Stress When You’re Grieving

By christy.kessler Exclude from Top Posts, Grief/Loss, Seasonal, Thanksgiving

Grief can be exhausting – mentally, physically, and emotionally. And holidays like Thanksgiving bring their share of stresses, especially during times of grief when it’s a battle to do the normal everyday tasks. So, what can you do this Thanksgiving to decrease your stress while you’re in a season of grief?

Before we move into 7 ways to decrease your stress, remember that whatever you’re feeling is normal. You’ve lost someone you love, and it’s hard. You may feel a wide range of emotions, including sadness, shock, denial, guilt, anger, or even relief. All you need to focus on is taking care of yourself this Thanksgiving so that you have the energy you need to process what you’re feeling and move toward healing.

7 Ways to Decrease Thanksgiving Stress

Your feelings may tell you to skip Thanksgiving altogether, but before you make any big decisions, take some time to evaluate what changes you can make to reduce your stress while also participating in group or family activities.

Here are a few tips for reducing your Thanksgiving stress:

1. Simplify the Day

Store-bought pumpkin pie with a slice missing

You may normally go big with your Thanksgiving meal and decorations, but this year, give yourself permission to take it easy. With a few adjustments, you can take a task or event from stressful to simple. For example, you could do a potluck so that the cooking is spread out amongst the group. Or you could order a ready-made dinner with all the trimmings from a local restaurant. You could also minimize the home or table decorations and opt for store-bought desserts this year. With just a few small tweaks, you can greatly decrease your to-do list and your stress.

2. Don’t Be Afraid to Say “No”

Grandmother and granddaughter in the kitchen; grandmother holding platter with turkey and smiling as granddaughter kisses her cheek

Thanksgiving and the fall season come with many possible events, get-togethers, recitals, concerts, family gatherings, and more. You may not have the energy to go to everything, and that’s okay. Choose the most important events and pass on the rest.

As you prioritize events, make sure to talk to your family about your plans so they know when to expect you and when not to. This way, they can let you know what’s important for them – maybe a child’s recital – and you can plan ahead for the events you will attend. Plus, communicating your plans to family and taking their requests into account will help soothe any ruffled feathers and keep things relaxed.

3. Let Others Help You

Person in yellow coat raking fall leaves

If you’re like many of us, you learned early that it’s good to be independent and self-reliant. And while these two things are not inherently bad, we can sometimes take them a little too far, refusing help when we actually need it. So, this Thanksgiving, don’t be afraid to accept a little help. Let people support you through this time of grief. Accept casseroles, offers to do yardwork or run errands, and assistance with household chores. It will only make things less stressful and easier for you.

4. Take Time Out for Yourself

Woman in yellow sweater holding mug of pumpkin spice latte

Grief takes a toll on us, and it’s important to find ways to take care of ourselves. That means getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, pampering yourself every so often, and not overdoing it. At Thanksgiving, self-care may be splurging on your current pumpkin spice obsession, going for walks in the cool air, or simply spending quiet time alone to journal, meditate, listen to music, or cuddle with your pet. No matter what it is that helps you relax and feel cared for, take time to do that this Thanksgiving.

5. Share What’s On Your Mind

Two mature ladies walking outside and talking in the fall

You may be tempted to push down your feelings and power through Thanksgiving week, but try to resist the temptation. Instead, build in opportunities for reflection and make time to express yourself. This could mean painting, talking with friends or family, or attending a grief support group or a remembrance service. There will be times when your grief shows up unexpectedly, and that’s okay. People will understand if you’re teary. But by intentionally taking time to address your emotions, you can better process what you’re feeling in your own time and on your own terms.

6. Find Meaningful Ways to Honor Your Loved One

Simple place setting for a Thanksgiving table

This Thanksgiving, you’re missing someone special. Rather than ignoring their absence, consider finding a special way to honor their memory. Avoiding the elephant in the room – your grief and loss – may lead to feelings of stress. By openly honoring a loved one, you will have the freedom to include your loved one’s memory in the festivities without reservation.

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

Save a seat for them at the table
Create a remembrance item
Serve their favorite dish
Pull out the family photos and reminisce
Visit the graveside and leave a bouquet or memento
Continue one of their favorite traditions or incorporate a new one in their honor

While remembering your loved one may bring moments of sadness, there will be joy in finding ways to make them a special part of the day.

7. Allow Things to Be Different This Year

If you’re someone who wants everything just-so, one big way to reduce your Thanksgiving stress is to let things be different this year. Let go of the need for a perfectly decorated dining table, perfectly curated activities, or the perfectly prepared meal. Give yourself a little grace and some room to breathe. Thanksgiving is different this year; it’s harder. Do what you can to keep things simple.

Simple Thanksgiving meal of biscuits, green beans, and turkey with cranberry sauce

Now, it’s important to acknowledge that no two people are alike. Some of these suggestions will resonate with you and some won’t. That’s just fine. If having the perfectly trimmed Thanksgiving dinner helps you relax, then go all out. If baking those 15 pies provides a release of tension, do it. You know yourself best, so implement the ideas that work best for who you are.

Just remember – it’s okay to let yourself feel however you feel this Thanksgiving. You don’t have to force yourself to be cheerful, and you don’t have to stop yourself from feeling happy if you enjoy the day. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love or miss the person who is gone; it means that you are human. We are complex beings, and our lives are filled with moments of joy mixed with moments of grief, sometimes both at once! Take time on Thanksgiving to step back, take care of yourself, and enjoy time with the people you love the most. If you do, you will create sweet memories to cherish in the years to come.

Oct 27

Love0

Musical notes made out of pink flowers on black background

10 Songs to Honor Mom at a Funeral Service

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Personalization, Planning Tools

Colorful flowers acting like musical notes on vines that are lines of music

For many people, a mom is so much more than just another family member. She’s a pillar of strength, love, kindness, and acceptance. She offers wise counsel and a compassionate, listening ear. She is present and supportive. When you lose someone so important to your life, the urge to honor them in a special way is strong. If you are planning a personalized final tribute for a loving mother, consider including one of these 10 songs to honor her life and the way you feel about her.

1. Because You Loved Me (Celine Dion)

Maybe I don’t know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

While this song does imply a link to a romantic relationship, the message at its core is one of gratitude. It focuses on thanking a loved one for guidance, encouragement, and protection through the ups and downs of life. The poignant words paired with Celine Dion’s incomparable voice make the song unforgettable and a lovely way to honor mom.

2. In My Life (The Beatles)

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life, I love you more

Performed by the beloved Beatles, this timeless tune explores themes of love, loss, and nostalgia. Its depth of emotion and thoughtful lyrics help the listener reflect on and appreciate the people in their lives, like a wonderful mom. If you or your mom loved the Beatles or connected to their music in an impactful way, this song may be a worthy inclusion at the funeral service.

3. Mother Like Mine (The Band Perry)

She’s the sky that holds the clouds
She’s the lady of the house
A blind believer in all I dare to be
There’s no safer place I’ve found

With its soothing cadence and deep message, this song from The Band Perry resonates with listeners from all walks of life. The lyrics explore the irreplaceable role of mothers and the power of their unconditional love. If your mom had a positive impact on your life and seemed to be the glue that kept your family together, you might consider including this country classic at her final tribute.

4. My Wish (Rascal Flatts)

But more than anything, more than anything
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

This #1 hit song by Rascal Flatts was written from the perspective of a parent to a child. The lyrics express the wishes many parents have toward their children – big dreams, small worries, no regrets, and lasting love. To bring solace to mourners after the loss of a beloved maternal figure, this song may be a great comfort as you remember just how much your mom loved you and what she wanted for you.

5. You’ll Be in My Heart (Phil Collins)

‘Cause you’ll be in my heart
Yes, you’ll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

In this familiar classic, Phil Collins explores the ongoing presence of love. Even after a person has died, their legacy and their memory don’t go away. As the song states, “you’ll be in my heart from this day on, now and forevermore” and no truer words were spoken. If you are looking for a song to honor a mom who stood with you, supporting you and loving you, consider including this song at the services.

6. Mama Liked the Roses (Elvis Presley)

Oh, mama liked the roses,
But most of all she cared
About the way we learned to live

Released in Elvis Presley’s 1970 album titled “Elvis’ Christmas Album,” this song holds a special place in the hearts of many fans. With poignant words, Presley shares a look into his own feelings about his mother and the beauty of the enduring bond between a mother and her children. If your mom loved roses or was an Elvis Presley fan, then this enduring classic may be the perfect addition to a lovely tribute.

7. Heaven Was Needing a Hero (Jo Dee Messina)

I came by today to see you
Though I had to let you know
If I knew the last time that I held you was the last time
I’d have held you and never let go

Sometimes, death is expected, and sometimes, it’s not. In this heartfelt country ballad, Messina expresses the desire so many people feel – the ability to see that special person one more time. And she also dives into the emotions you may feel following a loss, especially learning how to grapple with why and how to move forward. If your mother was your hero, this soothing song could be the perfect complement to your plans for her final tribute.

8. Two of Us (Louis Tomlinson)

I know you’ll be looking down
Swear I’m gonna make you proud
I’ll be living one life for the two of us

Written following the passing of his own mother, Tomlinson shares aspects of his grief journey throughout the song. In an interview, he declared that writing the song was a therapeutic experience for him, and he hopes that even though it is sad, other people will find the song’s message comforting during their own losses. If you resonate with Tomlinson and the words he sings about his own mother, consider honoring yours with this ballad.

9. See You Again (Carrie Underwood)

I will see you again, oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
‘Til I see you again

In this uplifting country tune from Carrie Underwood, the focus is on hope and the belief that we will one day see the people we love again. While your mom may no longer be physically present, there is a time in the future when you will see her again and rejoice together at the reunion. If you share Underwood’s beliefs and want to lean into hope for the future, consider including this selection at your mom’s funeral service.

10. Supermarket Flowers (Ed Sheeran)

Oh I’m in pieces, it’s tearing me up, but I know
A heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved
So I’ll sing Hallelujah
You were an angel in the shape of my mum

In this beautiful tribute to a beloved mom and grandmother, Sheeran’s powerful lyrics and emotive voice help you feel exactly what he’s feeling. Perhaps the most stunning words of the songs are the reminder that “a heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved.” If you shared a deep and abiding love with your mother, listen to this haunting melody and consider whether it’s right for honoring your mom’s life and legacy.

Honorable Mentions

If you are a daughter seeking to honor your mom, you might consider including Celine Dion’s “Goodbye’s the Saddest Word,” Faith Hill’s “You Can’t Lose Me,” Taylor Swift’s “The Best Day (Taylor’s Version),” or Riley Roth’s “When God Made You My Mother.” For a son, both “A Song for Mama” by Boyz II Men and “Will the Circle be Unbroken” by Randy Travis are beautiful tributes. And if you grew up in a single parent household with mom as your primary support, “Thank you Mom” by Good Charlotte could be the perfect addition.

As you plan a personalized tribute for your mom, you are not limited to the songs on this list. These are merely a starting place. If there’s a song that always reminds you of your mom or that she sang regularly, include that song. The goal of personalizing the music at a funeral service is to capture the person’s unique life and personality. So, think of who your mom was and choose music accordingly.

Additional Resources

For more suggestions on songs to include at a funeral service, check out the resources below:

By decade:

Oct 23

Love0

Flower spray resting on top of light wood casket with lit candle nearby

A Quick Guide to Cremation Caskets

By christy.kessler Cemeteries, Cremation, Educational, Explore Options

If you are interested in cremation as the final disposition of choice, you may need to choose a cremation casket or cremation container as part of your funeral plan. In many states, cremation cannot take place unless the body is placed in some sort of container, and today, we’re going to talk about the options.

Flower spray resting on top of light wood casket with lit candle nearby

Ultimately, the decision of which type of casket to use is up to you and your family, and there’s no right or wrong answer. While it can be a difficult choice, discuss the options with both your funeral director and your family to decide what’s best for your particular needs.

3 Types of Cremation Caskets & Cremation Containers

The main thing that sets cremation caskets apart from burial caskets is that any cremation casket or container must be made of a fully combustible material. This means there can be no metal parts (or very minimal ones). Let’s discuss 3 main types of cremation caskets and containers that are most commonly available.

1. Traditional Cremation Casket

If you would like to have a traditional funeral service with body present before cremation takes place, you can. In this instance, you can choose a more traditional cremation casket made from materials like wood, bamboo, or wicker. The casket will encase a loved one’s body for the funeral service or visitation, and after all services are complete, everything will be escorted to the crematory. Since there’s no metal, the casket will serve dual purposes: presentation at the service and dignity at the crematory.

2. Green or Eco-Friendly Caskets

Because green or eco-friendly caskets are made of natural materials, you can use one as a cremation casket. These types of caskets are available in bamboo, willow, seagrass, wicker, cotton or wool, teak, and other types of wood. They tend to be less expensive, depending on the material and construction you choose. Also, they are fully combustible and contain no metal.

3. Cremation Container (or Alternative Container)

Another option is to choose a cremation container (as opposed to a cremation casket). A cremation container is a simple box made of either cardboard or fiberboard. There are no embellishments or personalized elements, and the focus is on function, not presentation. If it’s important to you, some cremation containers are made to look like traditional caskets, but you will need to speak with your funeral director to determine if that option is available in your area.

4 Tips When Buying a Cremation Casket

When deciding which cremation casket or container to use, keep these 4 tips in mind:

1. What is My Budget?

Always keep your budget in mind. While cremation caskets are typically less expensive than burial caskets, they do vary in price. If you are working with a very specific budget, speak with your funeral director about the options that best fit with your financial needs.

2. Does Appearance Matter?

For some, the appearance of the caskets matters, so do a little research. If you’d like to add personalized elements, then a cremation container isn’t for you. However, with some cremation caskets, you can add special touches to create something unique.

3. Will There Be a Funeral Service?

If you plan to have a traditional service with the body present before cremation takes place, keep that in mind when selecting a cremation casket.

4. Did My Loved One Have Any Personal Preferences?

If you are planning a final tribute for a loved one, you may or may not know what their funeral preferences were. However, if your loved one preplanned, consider honoring those wishes and going with their preferred selection. If not, make the best choice possible with the information you have.

Common Questions to Consider

What are my casket options if I choose to have a traditional funeral service with cremation?

First, you can either select a cremation casket made of a natural material, such as wood or bamboo, that is presentable for the service and safe for the crematory. Or second, you can speak with your funeral director to see if the funeral home offers rental caskets.

While a rental casket looks like a traditional casket, there’s a foot panel that opens up to allow a cardboard insert to be placed into or removed from the casket exterior. The removable insert comes with its own fabric liner, which is for one-time use, and it is hidden from view once inside the casket exterior.

In this way, you can rent a casket for the ceremony and have a less expensive container for the crematory. To learn more, read “Rental Caskets: What You Need to Know.”

What is the cost of a cremation casket?

The cost will vary depending on the type of casket you select. Some materials cost more than others, but in general, cremation caskets and containers will be less expensive than burial caskets.

Do cremation caskets come with personalized design elements?

There may be a few different design options available, but in general, the appearance is more minimalist. If you’d like, you can always work with the funeral home to commission a custom cremation casket, if that’s important for your family.

What does the interior of a cremation casket look like?

Generally, the interior will be simple with a lining and basic padding. You won’t see the more ornate details that are available with burial caskets.

Does a cremation casket seal?

There are no tight sealing mechanisms on cremation caskets. The cover and hinges are sufficient for a funeral service, but they are not heavy-duty like you’d see on a burial casket. The purpose of sealing is to keep out the elements, and since a cremation casket will not be buried, there’s no need to seal it in the same way.

Do cremation caskets have handles?

Yes, they do. In some cases, the handles are removable, but it all depends on what type of cremation casket you select.

By law, do I need to purchase a cremation casket?

In all 50 states, the law does not require that a person be cremated in a casket. However, many states or crematories require that there must be some sort of container. This is where the alternative container comes into play. You can select to use the cardboard or fiberboard alternative container in place of a cremation casket, especially if you are on a tight budget. The alternative container won’t come with padding or a lined interior; it is simply a box.

If I choose direct cremation, do I need a cremation casket?

That’s up to you and your family. You do not have to select a cremation casket, but you will likely need a cremation container at the very least.

Can I have a service with a cremation container?

It’s not generally recommended to use a cremation container for a funeral service. Cardboard and fiberboard cremation containers are not intended for viewing purposes and only serve as a means of providing a loved one’s remains with a respectful journey to the crematory. If you don’t want to purchase a cremation casket for a service, you can instead opt for a rental casket.

Hopefully you now feel equipped to better understand the options that are available to you regarding cremation caskets and containers. If you still have questions or would like to discuss the options available locally, reach out to a trusted funeral home and set up a time to visit with a funeral professional. They can help you understand all of your options so you can decide what’s best for your family and your needs.