A funeral is an emotional time for a lost loved one’s family and friends. If you have been invited to attend a funeral, it is helpful to know proper funeral etiquette. Keep in mind that as culture has evolved, so have funerals and funeral etiquette. Traditional services are at times being replaced by more informal celebrations of life. So when no two services are identical, how do you know what etiquette is expected?
While you may have known that caskets come in different colors and are made from many kinds of materials, did you know that there are also oversized caskets available? In this quick guide, we’ll discuss what oversized caskets are, why you might need one, and other basic questions about their use.
Let’s get started!
As the name implies, an oversized casket is one that’s larger than the standard size. A standard casket measures 84” long, 28” wide, and 23” high. However, oversized caskets typically range in width from 29 inches to 44 inches, depending on the need. If an even larger or longer casket is needed, a custom casket can be ordered.
There are two main reasons why an oversized casket might be needed: a person’s weight or height.
Depending on the casket, most standard caskets can only support a weight of up to around 350 pounds. If the person weighs more than their chosen casket can support, then an oversized version of that casket may be needed.
In the same way, if a person is more than 7 feet tall, an oversized casket would better fit the needs of the individual. In some cases, a tall person’s legs may be bent at the knee enough to allow them to fit in a standard casket, but there are times when an oversized casket is the better option.
Your funeral director can help you determine whether an oversized casket is needed based on the deceased’s weight and/or height.
Most often, the deceased’s weight, height, and width are measured. To determine width, the body is measured from elbow to elbow.
Absolutely. The funeral home will likely have oversized caskets available to choose from, or they can order a specific one, if you prefer. Roughly 10% of the population require an oversized casket, so they are readily available.
Short answer, yes, but it’s based on the type of material you choose. An oversized casket made of mahogany is going to cost more than an oversized casket made of pine or willow. Generally speaking, an oversized casket isn’t going to cost much more than a standard casket, but you can keep costs down by choosing a lower cost material. For more information about casket materials, click here.
Most cemeteries require the use of a grave liner or burial vault. Encasing a casket in a grave liner or burial vault prevents the ground around the grave from shifting as the casket decays. This is how cemeteries prevent uneven ground and keep maintenance costs down.
Standard burial vaults have a width of around 30 inches, so a small uptick in the casket size won’t affect the burial vault. However, if an even greater width is needed, then a larger burial vault or grave liner will add a little extra to the total cost.
If you find a casket you like in standard size, it’s likely that the same casket is available in oversize. You can find oversized caskets in all the standard wood options (mahogany, walnut, cherry, oak, birch, maple, pine, willow, etc.) as well in steel, copper, and bronze. If you prefer green burial, there are oversized options available in bamboo, willow, seagrass, and even cardboard.
Your local funeral home will have oversized caskets available in their inventory, so they will be the easiest and most convenient option for you. If they don’t have what you want on site, they can put in an order specifically for your needs. Alternatively, you can purchase an oversized casket online. However, it will be your responsibility to ensure that the funeral home has access to the casket.
If you have additional questions about oversized caskets, contact a trusted local funeral home. They will ensure that your every question is answered to your satisfaction.
And if you’d like more information about caskets, check out these resources:
Music is powerful – it can help us express our emotions and open us up to feelings we’re avoiding. That’s why choosing the right songs for a funeral can make such a big impact on the service. Picking personalized music can help create a healing experience for you and your family.
Choosing your loved one’s favorite songs can be a great start, but you can also consider music from the decade they were born in – or a decade of music that they always enjoyed listening to. If you’re looking for music from the 1970s to incorporate into your loved one’s funeral or celebration of life, here are 9 songs you can try.
When tears are in your eyes
I’ll dry them all
I’m on your side
When you lose a loved one, you may feel like you are alone. But funerals remind us that others are grieving the loss just like we are. “Bridge Over Troubled Water” highlights how we can find comfort in each other during difficult times. At a funeral or memorial service, this song could serve as a heartfelt reminder to help each other through the difficult days ahead.
You take the high road
And I’ll take the low road
And we’ll meet again
Saying goodbye to someone you love is hard. In “Farewell My Friend,” Dennis Wilson captures the idea of saying farewell to someone you care about. But this song isn’t just about saying goodbye. It’s also about embracing hope for the future and believing that you will someday see your loved one again, which would make it a hopeful addition to a funeral or celebration of life.
I hear her voice in the mornin’ hour, she calls me
The radio reminds me of my home far away
A song full of nostalgia and longing, “Take Me Home, Country Roads” is a classic for a reason. These heartfelt lyrics speak about the desire to be with a loved one who is far away. At a funeral or memorial service, this song can capture the longing you feel to see that person you love, especially if they were someone you called “home.”
Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow
After the death of a loved one, you need the support of friends and family members. “Lean On Me” encourages us to lean on each other for support during difficult times. Plus, this song reminds us that there is hope to be found on the other side of grief and pain. Life will get better, and you can trust that there are times of hope and joy to come.
Bittersweet memories
That’s all I am taking with me
When you lose someone you love, they’re still a part of your life through your memories. This classic song beautifully captures how love continues even when someone is no longer a part of your life. While looking back on your time with your loved one may hurt right now, this song can remind you that you feel grief because you loved them so much.
And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow, let it be
A song about finding comfort during dark times, “Let It Be” reminds the grieving that there is hope on the other side of grief. While you may be tempted to run from your emotions, embracing your feelings and allowing yourself to feel sad or angry is an important part of the grieving process. In a way, this classic Beatles song can help everyone remember that it’s okay to let yourself feel those negative emotions.
Work all done, care laid by
Going to fear no more
A solemn song with surprisingly hopeful lyrics, “Going Home” speaks about reuniting with loved ones after death. While death can be a scary topic for many people, this song suggests that peace can be found in a life well-lived and that death provides a release from pain. If you’re looking for the hope of reuniting with your loved one, this song could make a great addition to a service or a memorial slideshow.
And somewhere between the time you arrive
And the time you go
May lie a reason you were alive
That you’ll never know
“For a Dancer” tells a beautiful story about the way people’s lives touch each other. Even though your loved one is gone physically, they live on in your memory and in the impact they made on their family and friends. This song is a reminder that you can find meaning in the positive impact you make in other people’s lives, which can give you hope for the future.
There’s a high wind in the trees
A cold sound in the air
And nobody ever knows when you go
After someone you love dies, you may ask yourself deep questions about life as you search for meaning. “Bright Eyes” captures the way you can feel lost after the death of a loved one. As you and your family mourn the loss, this song can be a reminder that it’s okay to ask questions and search for meaning.
When you lose your spouse or partner, everyday tasks like cooking can feel impossible. Maybe your loved one handled all of the cooking and you don’t know where to start. Or maybe you love cooking, but every time you step into the kitchen, you remember that your loved one won’t be there to enjoy your food.
You’re not alone! Those who are grieving often find cooking difficult. Cooking can take a lot of energy, and as you adjust to life without your loved one, it’s normal to struggle to find the motivation to cook, especially if you’re experiencing a change in appetite.
But there are steps you can take to help yourself cook. From preparing meals ahead of time to taking cooking classes, here are some of our top tips for getting back in the kitchen when you’re grieving.
Whether you have decades of cooking experience or are just now learning how to cook, taking a cooking class can be a huge help! If you’ve never had the role of cook in your household, a cooking class can help you expand your cooking skills and grow your confidence in the kitchen. If you already know how to cook but are struggling with motivation, a cooking class can help you rediscover your love of cooking and meet new people.
You may be able to find cooking classes at a local restaurant, support group, or even at your library! If you can’t find an in-person class, you can try an online cooking class through a website like America’s Test Kitchen Cooking School or explore cooking class videos on YouTube.
If you’re used to cooking for two, you may find yourself with too much extra food on your hands. While leftovers can be convenient, you may not want to eat the same food for a whole week.
Adjusting the measurements in recipes can be a great help. If you need to cut a recipe in half, Google can help you with weird measurements, like half of 1/3 cup. You can also check out resources that specifically create recipes for one. One Dish Kitchen is a great resource, and AllRecipes also has some great options for meals for one.
When you’re grieving, the idea of having to juggle multiple parts of a meal can be intimidating. You may not feel like making a main dish and sides. Plus, the more parts your meal has, the bigger the cleanup.
Instead of avoiding cooking because you feel like you have to make a lot of different things at once, explore one-pot meals! Casseroles, stews, skillets, and sheet pan meals that use only one pot or pan can make cooking and cleanup much easier. There are recipes for virtually every type of cuisine, and you never know when you’ll find a new favorite. Both Food Network and Taste of Home have long lists of one-pot meals you can try.
Sometimes going to the grocery store after losing your partner can be difficult, especially if they were the one who typically handled the groceries. One solution is to invest in a meal box subscription like HelloFresh or Home Chef.
Meal box services like these send you the exact amount of ingredients that you need for each recipe, so you don’t have to worry about food waste or cooking too much food. Most have the option to choose how many servings you want to receive, which means you can make enough for just yourself or order extra to have leftovers.
Sometimes you want easy meal prep, but you don’t want to eat a lot of leftovers. One way around this issue is to freeze extra portions of the meals you make. After cooking a meal, you can freeze leftovers by the portion to make reheating at a later date easier.
There are also plenty of recipes that you can make and freeze ahead of time, then cook when you’re ready! Taste of Home has some great freezer recipes, and Good Housekeeping has options for fridge or freezer make-ahead meals. If you’re interested in creating single-serving meals ahead of time, consider investing in containers that fit exactly one portion.
For many people who have lost a partner, sitting down to eat by themselves reminds them of their partner’s absence. If you’re struggling to eat because of loneliness, try eating meals with friends or family members. While you may not feel like cooking for a group of people, you can invite everyone to bring a dish, potluck-style.
Additionally, you can have a meal exchange with friends or family. Each person can make extra portions of the meal they’re cooking and swap them for a homecooked meal from someone else. This can be a great way to get more variety in your diet without making a lot of meals yourself.
While inviting family and friends to eat with you can be an easy way to fill the space left behind by your loved one, there will likely still be times when no one is available. Instead of avoiding the kitchen when you’re alone, try to fill the empty space at your table.
You can physically fill the space by adding a centerpiece or decorations to the table. Or you can listen to music or watch TV while you eat so you don’t have to eat in silence. While these won’t eliminate the empty space at your table, they can help you cope with your loved one’s absence.
If you find that you’re still struggling with motivation after a long period of time, especially due to depression, it may be a good idea to consult a grief therapist. And if you have a continuous lack of appetite, please consult your doctor. Taking care of your physical health is important when you’re grieving, and your doctor can help you find ways to improve your health.
As you begin to get back into the kitchen after losing your partner, be patient with yourself. It may take time for you to create a new routine and adjust to your new normal. Give yourself grace, and don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need it.
If you’re reading this, you’re at least a little bit interested in donating your body to science. To help you make the decision that’s best for you and your family, check out this easy-to-understand FAQ list. And if you have additional questions, contact a trusted local funeral home to help you get more detailed information about state or local donation options.
Let’s get started!
Whole-body donation typically refers to the donation of the whole body to medical or scientific research. Once donated, the body may be used for surgical training, scientific research, and anatomy lessons for medical students, promoting the advancement of medical science.
Organ donation, on the other hand, refers to the donation of organs after death that, if approved for donation, would be transplanted to save a living person’s life.
It is technically possible to register as both an organ donor and a whole-body donor. However, when registering for both, applicants should understand that organ donation for transplant will take first priority. This means that if organs are selected and approved for transplant, your selected research facility may refuse the whole-body donation.
However, many registered organ donors are not approved for transplant because of the stringent restrictions and timing required for organ donation. Cancer, heart disease, lung disease, potentially malignant tumors, and other pre-existing conditions often rule out organ donation candidates. In addition, proximity to the hospital or the need to perform an autopsy can also prevent organ donation. Because of these restrictions, many bodies of organ donors remain uncompromised and could still be donated to science or willed to a university after death if the donor wishes.
So, consider your options carefully. If you value organ donation more highly, register for both forms of donation with the understanding that one may not happen. However, if you value whole-body donation to science more highly, consider only registering for that one form of body donation.
The process will be different for each research facility, but always make sure you include the following steps.
When considering whole-body donation, the first step is to communicate your wishes to relatives and next of kin to avoid any confusion after your death.
Next, you will need to contact several research facilities where you would consider donating your body. Fill out the necessary paperwork and request educational materials so that you and your family members can understand the specific procedures, requirements, and restrictions of whole-body donation at this specific location.
To be well informed, ask questions about the facility, costs associated with donation, and the procedures of donation. Check this list to find additional questions to ask donation facilities.
Once you have everything arranged with your chosen research facility, provide their contact information and any instructions to your relatives. To make the process even smoother for your family, complete a funeral prearrangement with your local funeral home and give their staff all the body donation details, too.
Finally, you should inform your primary care doctor about your intentions. They can help you write clear directives regarding your medical care wishes that will help your family make healthcare decisions if you should become incapacitated.
To find a research facility near you that accepts whole-body donations, visit the University of Florida’s website that lists whole-body donation programs in each state. You can also organize whole-body donation through private organizations, such as United Tissue Network and Science Care.
There is no set answer to the question of cost because policies differ among donation facilities. Be sure to consult with your donation facility of choice to plan for costs that will not be covered by the facility.
Often, donation facilities will arrange and pay for body transportation (within a designated distance), eventual cremation, and the return of cremated remains to the family. The family should expect to pay for the cost of any necessary legal documentation (like death certificates) and funeral services conducted before the release of the body to the donation facility.
Under no circumstances will your family receive monetary compensation for a body donation as the buying and selling of bodies is prohibited by federal law.
Some donation facilities allow a certain amount of time after death for a funeral service to be performed. However, some facilities require that notification and transportation of the body occur soon after death. This may mean that funeral services with the body present may not be possible. Make sure you know your specific facility’s policies.
After the death of a loved one, family members should notify the facility of the donor’s death and proceed appropriately. Often, this means coordinating with a representative of the donation clinic and a hospital or hospice healthcare representative, who will determine together whether the body can be accepted for whole-body donation.
Whole body studies are typically completed within 1-3 years, but they can last as long as five years. Upon the completion of study, bodies are typically cremated, and the ashes returned to the family.
Although universities and medical facilities are in constant need of whole-body donations, most programs reserve the right to refuse donation. For example, organ donors may be refused if the research facility prefers to study an intact body.
Additionally, bodies may not be accepted if they:
Check with your chosen facility to learn more about specific restrictions.
And that’s it! If you have additional questions, speak to a representative at your preferred research facility. Alternatively, you can partner with a local funeral home to ensure that you get all the answers you need.
In our culture today, there’s a tendency to do whatever is necessary to avoid pain and unpleasant feelings. This is one reason why people want to avoid the funeral – it brings out emotions that don’t always feel good. But pain and difficult emotions are a natural part of the human experience. In order to have good mental health and positive well-being, we need to learn how to process difficult experiences.
Nationally recognized grief counselor and death educator Dr. Alan Wolfelt puts it this way:
The pain of grief will keep trying to get your attention until you unleash your courage to gently, and in small doses, open to its presence. The alternative—denying or suppressing your pain—is in fact more painful. If you do not honor your grief by acknowledging it, it will accumulate and fester. So, you must ask yourself, “How will I host this loss? What do I intend to do with this pain? Will I befriend it, or will I make it my enemy?” (To see Dr. Wolfelt’s full article, click here.)
But why does your presence at the funeral matter? How will attending a funeral help you address any pain or complex emotions you may feel at a time of grief and loss? How will your presence provide support and encouragement to others? Good questions. Let’s discuss 7 ways attending the funeral or memorial service will help you (or your loved ones) on the grief journey.
Attending the funeral service gives you the opportunity to:
By attending the funeral or memorial service, you have a chance to acknowledge that a special person existed and their life was important. As human beings, we need to know that our lives matter, and the funeral provides an opportunity to affirm that. Even if you didn’t know the person well, you honor them and their surviving family members by paying your respects and participating in remembrance activities.
While the funeral doesn’t make grief go away, it does help you grieve. Without a service, things don’t feel finished. Almost like something is missing. However, with a service, you have the chance to say goodbye in your own way and accept the reality of the death. Some may want to sit near the deceased for a while; for others, the act of attending the funeral is enough. We’re all different, but it’s important to say goodbye, especially for those who didn’t get to see the deceased before their passing.
People expect to see emotions at a funeral service, which makes it a safe place to express yourself. You may be tempted to bottle up your emotions, but if possible, try to engage with your feelings. Let yourself experience what you feel and take note of your emotions. Someone you love has died, and that’s significant. Your emotions are normal, and it’s okay to express them.
Another reason why your presence matters is that it gives you a chance to offer your condolences. Whether you want to give the grieving family a hug or share an encouraging word, your presence can bring great comfort. Plus, by offering your condolences at the funeral, you make things simpler for the family. It’s easier to talk to 100 people at the funeral than to experience 100 different condolence encounters after the funeral.
Similar to giving your condolences, you can also offer practical support to the grieving family. This could mean that you drop off food for the family in the days following the service. You could sign up to be on “clean-up duty” at the gathering, give family members a ride, or help them pack up memorial items used to personalize the service. While the funeral home staff will take care of the major details, there are other ways you can step in to offer practical support to a grieving family.
After a loss, you need good people surrounding you. Funerals bring family and friends together, so they provide an opportunity for people to reconnect. Though the funeral will bring tears, it will also bring laughter, joy, and connection. Families and friends who haven’t seen each other in a while can swap stories, share memories, and support each other. We’re not meant to live life alone, and we can lean on each other during times of grief and loss.
Grief can feel lonely, but by attending the funeral, you see other people who are also grieving. You aren’t alone in what you’re feeling. The people around you at the funeral may not experience exactly what you are feeling, but they are processing emotions of their own. You can sit down together, talk with each other, unpack what you’re feeling, and provide much-needed love and support. You don’t have to grieve on your own – there are people who can stand with you.
In most cases, your presence will be welcome at the funeral or memorial service. But life isn’t always black and white; sometimes, it’s gray. Here are a few times when you should consider skipping the service or participating online:
While attending the funeral is an important and necessary part of the grief journey, it’s not the end. For some, the deep emotions of grief last for a few weeks, and for others, they last for years. To help you (or a grieving loved one) in the days ahead, here are some additional grief resources.
By Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt
If you could go back in time and relive a special holiday, which one would you choose? Close your eyes for a moment and think about this holiday. Now, slowly, walk through this memory in your mind.
What made it so special? What were the surroundings like? Who inhabits this memory with you?
Holidays have such rich associations for us because humankind created them as a way to honor and celebrate that which is truly important. We step out of the hustle and bustle of our day-to-day routines and into a world where our spiritual beliefs and connection to others matter above all else. We pause to give thanks, and we share of ourselves.
As the Grinch learned that memorable Christmas, the holidays don’t really come from a store – they come from the heart and soul.
Which is why when someone loved dies, the holidays can be so painful. The heart of the holidays has been torn apart. Without love, what is life? Without the people we love, what are the holidays?
I want you to know that you can find continued meaning in the holidays and in life. You can continue to live and love fully. You must grieve, but you can also celebrate.
It takes a true commitment to heal in your grief. Yes, you are changed, but with commitment and intention, you can and will become whole again. Commitment goes hand in hand with the concept of “setting your intention.” Intention is defined as being conscious of what you want to experience. A close cousin to “affirmation,” it is using the power of positive thought to produce a desired result.
How can you use this in your journey through holiday grief? By setting your intention to heal.
Setting your intention to mourn and heal during the holidays – and beyond – is one important way to move forward in your grief journey. Harnessing the power of ritual is another. We create holiday rituals because everyday activities and normal conversations cannot capture our most profound thoughts and feelings. Rituals give them voice and shape. So, we decorate our Christmas trees, light our menorahs, give gifts, hold hands, and say prayers.
During your times of grief, the very rituals of the holidays can help you survive them. Try participating in some of your normal holiday traditions but with a focus on grief. When you light candles in your home, do it in honor or the person who died. You might also create a special holiday ceremony or private ritual in memory of the person who died. The holidays are ritualistic, and ritual can help you survive (and heal) right now. Remember this when you are considering whether or not to participate in your next holiday tradition.
Return once more to the holiday memory I asked you to conjure up at the beginning. This memory is so special to you because you were so very present in the moment. When your grief overwhelms you this holiday season, try focusing on the now. Your grief wants you to live in the past through memories of the precious person who died. Remembering is indeed important, and your memories will always be a special part of your life.
Your grief will also project you into the future at times. You will worry about what the coming months and year hold for you. Looking ahead is also a normal and natural part of grief.
But when remembering and projecting exhaust you – and they will – return yourself to the present moment. Concentrate on what is going on around you right now. Hear the sounds and see the sights. Try drawing on the power of now to find continued meaning in your holidays and in your life.
You’ll notice I have used the generic term “holiday season.” By that, I mean the winter holidays bookended in the United States by Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day. In between are the spiritual/religious holidays of Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa. But whatever holidays you celebrate, and no matter where you live, the principles apply to the holidays that are most meaningful for you – including other holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries sprinkled throughout the calendar year.
Let your holiday grief be what it is. And let yourself – your new, grieving self – be who you are.
If the death was very recent, you may be in survival mode this holiday season. If that’s true for you, it’s OK – the world will keep turning whether you participate in the holidays or not.
You might consider simplifying your holiday rituals instead of abandoning them altogether. Keep the traditions that matter most to you and set the others aside, at least for now.
Muster the strength and courage to tell the people in your life what your wishes are for the holidays. If you’d like their company but prefer to gather somewhere different than you usually do, say so. If you’d rather skip some of the celebrations this year, tell them. If you’re feeling unsure about how to spend the holidays, tell them.
Many hospitals, hospices, and funeral homes host remembrance ceremonies during the holidays. The act of joining together in our grief and ritualizing our mourning can be healing. Especially early in their grief, many families say that it was the most important thing they did during the holidays.
If your holiday traditions include hanging stockings, consider hanging a special stocking in memory of the person who died.
You could probably use some “feeling good” this holiday season. Give yourself a dose of pleasure by giving to someone else.
Special foods are an important part of the holiday traditions. Chances are, your family prepares many of the same dishes each holiday, and everyone looks forward to those unique smells and flavors.
If you’re alone this holiday season, you would be well-served to make an effort to connect with other human beings. Invite your neighbor to dinner. Volunteer at a homeless shelter or nursing home. Join a group at a place of worship.
Seeing a counselor or spiritual advisor for just a session or two over the holidays may help you cope better and focus more on what is important to you this year and what is not.
Think of all you have to be thankful for. This is not to deny the hurt, for the hurt needs to take precedence right now. But it may help to consider the things that make your life worth living, too.
Believe in your capacity to heal and grow through grief. Believe in the enduring holiday spirit of giving and love.
Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D., is the founder and director of Center for Loss and Life Transition and a member of the TAPS Advisory Board. This article is excerpted from his book, Healing your Holiday Grief: 100 Practical Ideas for Blending Mourning and Celebration During the Holiday Season, published by Companion Press and available at www.centerforloss.com.
Printed with permission from Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt, Center for Loss and Life Transition.
Pets are a welcome addition to our lives. They bring comfort, hope, laughter, joy, and companionship. Unfortunately, you will outlive many pets during your lifetime, but that doesn’t mean you can’t honor each pet’s life and cherish their memory for the rest of yours. If you’d like to create a memorial keepsake that both brings you comfort and helps you remember your pet in a meaningful way, consider these 11 pet keepsake options. Perhaps one will feel like the perfect way to remember your pet for years to come.
Whether you choose to paint the portrait yourself or commission it with a friend or artist, a painted pet portrait can be a beautiful and whimsical way to remember your pet’s life. You can request certain colors and provide a sample photograph. With so many styles available, you can choose an artist that meets your tastes, who will paint a portrait that will be a lovely addition to your home.
Photographs are a simple yet versatile way to remember a pet’s life. You may choose to place a favorite photo in a frame and find a home for it in a special location. Or you can order a single canvas print or a collection of canvas prints. You could do a tiled collage of photos for the wall or find a frame that will allow you to create a collage on your own. There are so many options to consider with photographs, and you can make it as simple or as detailed as you’d like.
While related to photographs, the photo book or scrapbook is much more involved. The act of selecting photos and designing each page can be cathartic and help you both honor your pet’s memory and process your feelings of grief. And while it will take time, the finished product is something you can go back to again and again. Or show friends and family when you share stories about your beloved pet’s antics.
With a memory or shadow box, you can collect items your pet cherished and keep them close to you. Perhaps include a photo, a favorite toy, leash, collar, tags, or whatever else is special to you. With a memory box, you might keep it on a bookcase where you can easily pull it out. And with a shadow box, you can hang it on a wall or set it in a place of honor.
If you want a more natural option, a small headstone or garden stone might be a good way to honor your pet’s life. If your pet is buried in your backyard or in a local pet cemetery, you could include a small headstone with the pet’s name and an engraving, like a paw print. On the other hand, a garden stone may be better, with a sweet sentiment like, “Best friends live furever in the memories we hold dear.” If you wish, you could combine the two ideas by including your pet’s name and a short sentiment.
For the letter writer, ordering special stationery with your pet’s image may be sweet and meaningful. Every time you choose to communicate with a friend or loved one, you have the chance to see your pet’s face and reflect on how amazing they were. Alternatively, you could create a personalized calendar (or any other paper products you regularly use) with favorite photos of your pet.
As with photographs, the possibilities with this category are pretty broad. After choosing a favorite photo, you can order a t-shirt, socks, hat, towels, or any number of fabric items with your pet’s image on them. Or, instead, you could choose to order a custom pillowcase, throw blanket, comforter, or even curtains. With so many businesses out there specializing in these kinds of custom requests, you are sure to find something that will meet your wishes.
Another option to consider is a stuffed animal that resembles your pet. The replica could be displayed or given to a child as a reminder of your beloved pet. There are many companies out there that specialize in this kind of work, including Cuddle Clones and Petsies. If you’d prefer a crochet or knit option, websites like Etsy will likely have options from artists around the world to choose from.
For pets with paws, a paw print memorial is worth considering. Either before or after death, you can take an imprint of your pet’s paw. Often, the vet or the funeral home can take this imprint for you (if your local funeral home offers pet loss services). Once you have the paw print, you can do many things with it. There are artisans out there who can use ink, clay, glass, and even stone to create a special memorial that implements your beloved pet’s paw print.
For those who love Christmas and decorating the tree, you could purchase an ornament that represents your pet. For example, if you’d like to remember your pet hedgehog, you can find ornaments in that shape. If you’d prefer, you can purchase a photo frame ornament and place your pet’s photo in it. There are also options to engrave your pet’s name on the ornament. Regardless of which type you choose, you can honor and remember your pet’s unique place in your family each holiday season.
If you have chosen to cremate your pet, there are many ways to create memorial items with the ashes. With glass memorial items, the ashes are mixed with the glass during the creation process. The ashes can be infused into glass earrings, rings, necklace pendants, figurines, or a host of other items. You won’t be able to tell looking at the items that they include cremated remains, but they can serve as a beautiful reminder of your pet and the life you shared.
While this list certainly gives you many good ideas, it’s not exhaustive. If none of these feels quite right, please brainstorm your own ideas. Think about your pet’s personality, their favorite things, or memories you particularly cherish. This information can help you come up with meaningful ideas that will help you honor your pet for their unique contribution to your life.
If you’ve lost a loved one, you probably know that some days are harder than others. Grief can surge on holidays, birthdays, and other special days. The anniversary of a loved one’s death, also called their deathiversary, can be an especially strong grief trigger.
While some people want to treat their loved one’s deathiversary as just another day, it can be a difficult day to ignore – especially the first year after the death. If you’re struggling with an upcoming deathiversary, here are a few things you can do to care for yourself and honor your loved one’s memory.
For some people, working or going to school on the anniversary of a loved one’s death can help distract them and provide a sense of normalcy for the day. But don’t be afraid to take the day off from work or school if you need to! Giving yourself space to grieve without the pressure of acting normal can make your day a little easier.
Visiting a loved one’s resting place, whether their body or ashes were buried in a cemetery, placed in a niche, or scattered, can help you honor your loved one and allow you to speak to them. If someone else has your loved one’s urn and you can’t visit them, you could instead visit a place that was special to you and your loved one. By visiting a meaningful place, you’ll set aside a specific time to grieve and remember the positive impact your loved one had.
On hard days, having friends and family around can be helpful. You can all support each other while sharing memories of your loved one. A memorial gathering doesn’t have to be big, either. You could all meet up at a restaurant or spend time together at someone’s house. Just be aware that some people may not want to think about the day or may prefer to be alone, and that’s okay.
Rituals aren’t outdated traditions; they are healing experiences that keep us grounded, encourage us, and unite us. On the anniversary of your loved one’s death, you can participate in a traditional ritual, like lighting a candle, attending a remembrance service, or visiting their grave. But you could also establish your own ritual, like planting a tree, reading old letters, emails, or texts, or participating in an activity they loved. Rituals like these can help you heal and fill the day with good memories of your loved one.
While your loved one is no longer with you physically, they still live on in your memory. Reminiscing about your loved one and remembering the positive impact they had on your life can be a great way to honor their memory. You could do this by looking at old photo albums or scrapbooks, sharing stories with friends and family, or just reflecting on your favorite memories with them.
Why write a letter to someone who won’t read it? Writing things down can help us clear our minds and process our emotions in a different way than speaking or typing. You can put anything in a letter to your loved one. Write all the things left unsaid, tell them how you’re feeling, or even write down funny things that have happened to you recently. After you’ve finished your letter, you could put it aside to read in the future or leave it at your loved one’s resting place.
Did your loved one have a cause they believed in? Consider donating or volunteering in their name with that cause! Even a small donation or an hour or two of volunteering can have an impact. Not only will you be honoring your loved one’s memory, but you’ll also be sharing their passion with others and doing good in the process.
Another way to honor your loved one’s memory is by enjoying what they loved. You could wear their favorite color, cook their favorite meal, or watch their favorite movie or TV show. You could participate in a hobby they enjoyed, like painting or playing golf. When you incorporate your loved one’s favorite things into your day, you’ll be surrounding yourself with positive memories of them.
The most important thing to do on a special day or deathiversary is to take care of yourself! Your mental health is important, and self-care can help you get through a difficult day. Go for a walk and listen to your favorite songs. Meet up with friends for coffee or lunch. Do something creative, like painting a picture. Take a trip to the spa. Don’t be afraid to do something that brings you joy and helps boost your mental health.
No matter what you do on your loved one’s deathiversary, remember that grief is normal and natural. You may not want to do anything on the day, and that’s okay. As you move along your grief journey, you may do something different on your loved one’s deathiversary from year to year, and that’s okay, too. Do what you feel comfortable with and focus on grieving at your own pace.
The days after a loved one dies can be filled with many questions. “Should I choose burial or cremation?” “How do I write an obituary?” And for many families, “Should I even have a funeral?” is a pivotal question.
While everyone grieves differently, a funeral can be an important part of the grieving process and can help friends and family start their grief journey well. As you decide whether to have a funeral service, consider the purpose of a funeral and how it might benefit your family.
Let’s start by looking at why we have funerals. Some people think funerals are just an outdated ritual, but funerals actually play an important role in the grieving process. A meaningful funeral can help surviving family members process their emotions about a loss.
According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, author and grief expert, funerals are a way of “expressing our beliefs, thoughts and feelings about the death of someone loved.” He says the funeral ritual has six main purposes:
help mourners acknowledge the reality of the death
give testimony to the life of the deceased
encourage the expression of grief
provide support to mourners
allow for the embracing of faith and beliefs about life and death
offer hope for the living
Without a funeral, it can be hard for those left behind to come to terms with their loved one’s death. When you don’t have some kind of service, you may struggle with starting your grief journey. However, having some kind of meaningful service or ritual allows friends and family members to acknowledge the death of their loved one, express their grief, support each other, and start the grief journey off on the right foot.
Not every funeral is religious! There are many ways to create a healing funeral service for someone who wasn’t religious. The most important parts of a funeral, like expressing your emotions and grieving with the support of others, don’t rely on religion. Instead of Bible verses, you could incorporate readings from your loved one’s favorite book or poems they enjoyed.
Remember that the funeral is a chance for family and friends to say goodbye and to gain support from others who are grieving. Even if you don’t want to have a full traditional service, having a less traditional service or an informal gathering can help you and everyone else on your grief journey.
Nowadays, many people insist they don’t want a big fuss when they die. Maybe your loved one always said, “Don’t do anything when I die. Just cremate me.” Or maybe they always insisted that funerals were a waste of money or time.
While the wishes of the person who died are very, very important, you should also carefully consider the needs of the family. A funeral isn’t just about the person who died; it’s also about providing a time for everyone to grieve together.
Instead of having a funeral, you could also choose an alternative, like a memorial service, a celebration of life, or a simple private or public gathering. These less traditional options can provide your family and friends with ways to mourn your loved one together.
To go back to the original question – “Should I have a funeral?” – the answer is a resounding yes. But what that funeral looks like is entirely up to your family. As you explore your different funeral options, consider what you, your family, and your loved ones need. Saying goodbye to someone you love is hard, but having a funeral can help you all express your emotions and support each other. Whether you choose to have a full traditional service or a more casual gathering, having some sort of funeral ritual will help you and your loved ones start your grief journey on the right foot.
