Page 2 – Funeral Basics

Dec 31

Senior man sitting in a chair with a loved one's arms wrapped around his shoulders

The Capacity to Love: The Reason We Grieve

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss

“Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we most love cause us not only great joy, but also great pain. The greatest pain comes from leaving…the pain of the leaving can tear us apart. Still, if we want to avoid the suffering of leaving, we will never experience the joy of loving. And love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death, hope stronger than despair. We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking.” – Henri Nouwen

“All you need is love,” famously sang the Beatles. I couldn’t agree more. We come into the world yearning to give and receive love. Authentic love is God’s greatest gift to us as human beings. Love is the one human experience that invites us to feel beautifully connected and forces us to acknowledge that meaning and purpose are anchored not in isolation and aloneness, but in union and togetherness.

Father and son laughing together

What higher purpose is there in life but to give and receive love? Love is the essence of a life of abundance and joy. No matter what life brings our way, love is our highest goal, our passionate quest. Yes, we have a tremendous need for love – love that captures our hearts and nourishes our spirits.

In fact, our capacity to give and receive love is what ultimately defines us. Nothing we have “accomplished” in our lifetime matters as much as the way we have loved one another.

Yet love inevitably leads to grief. You see, love and grief are two sides of the same precious coin. One does not – and cannot – exist without the other. People sometimes say that grief is the price we pay for the joy of having loved. This also means that grief is not a universal experience. Grief is predicated on our capacity to give and receive love. Some people choose not to love, and so, never grieve. If we allow ourselves the grace that comes with love, however, we must allow ourselves the grace that is required to mourn.

Middle-aged woman sitting quietly at home in an armchair

The experience of grief is only felt when someone of great value, purpose, and meaning has been a part of your life. To mourn your loss is required if you are to befriend the love you have been granted. To honor your grief is not self-destructive or harmful, it is life-sustaining and life-giving, and it ultimately leads you back to love again. In this way, love is both the cause and the antidote. Just as our greatest gift from God is our capacity to give and receive love, it is a great gift that we can openly mourn our life losses.

It is important to understand that grief and mourning are not the same thing, however. Grief is the constellation of thoughts and feelings we have when someone we love dies. We can think of it as the container. It holds our thoughts, feelings, and image of our experience when someone we love dies. In other words, grief is the internal meaning given to the experience of loss. Mourning is taking the grief we have on the inside and expressing it outside of ourselves.

Senior man sitting in a chair with a loved one's arms wrapped around his shoulders

Making the choice not just to grieve, but to authentically mourn, provides us the courage to live through the pain of loss and be transformed by it. How ironic that to ultimately go on to live well and love well we must allow ourselves to mourn well. You have loved from the outside in, and now you must learn to mourn from the inside out.

About the Author:

Dr. Alan Wolfelt is a noted author, educator, grief counselor. Dr. Wolfelt believes that meaningful funeral experiences help families and friends support one another, embrace their feelings, and embark on the journey to healing and transcendence. Recipient of the Association of Death Education and Counseling’s Death Educator Award, Dr. Wolfelt presents workshops across the world to grieving families, funeral home staffs, and other caregivers. He also teaches training courses for bereavement caregivers at the Center for Loss and Life Transition in Fort Collins, Colorado, where he serves as Director. Dr. Wolfelt is on the faculty of the University of Colorado Medical School’s Department of Family Medicine. He is also the author of many bestselling books, including Understanding Your Grief, The Mourner’s Book of Hope, Creating Meaningful Funeral Ceremonies, and The Paradoxes of Grief: Healing Your Grief With Three Forgotten Truths, upon which this series is based. For more information, visit www.centerforloss.com

Dec 30

Love0

Grandmother and granddaughter sitting on couch and hugging with smiles on their faces

Love and Grief: Living as You Were Meant to Live

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss

“We are all mirrors unto one another. Look into me and you will find something or yourself as I will of you.” – Walter Rinder

Love is a sacred partnership of communion with another human being. You take each other in, and even when you are apart, you are together. Wherever you go, you carry the person inside you. Communion means the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially on a spiritual level. When two people love one another, they are connected. They are entwined.

Communion of Lives

The word “communion” comes from the Old French comuner, which means “to hold in common.” Note that this is different than “to have in common.” You may have very little in common with another person, yet love them wholeheartedly. Instead, you hold things in common – that is, you consciously choose to share one another’s lives, hopes, and dreams. You hold her heart, and she holds yours.

This experience of taking another person inside your heart is beyond definition and defies analysis. It is part of the mystery of love. Love has its own way with us. It knocks on our hearts and invites itself in. It cannot be seen, but we realize it has happened. It cannot be touched, yet we feel it.

Communion of Grief

When someone we love dies, then, we feel a gaping hole inside us. I have companioned hundreds of mourners who have said to me, “When she died, I felt like part of me died, too.” In what can feel like a very physical sense, something that was inside us now seems missing. We don’t mourn those who die from the outside in; we mourn them from the inside out.

The absence of the person you love wounds your spirit, creates downward movement in your psyche, and transforms your heart. Yet even though you feel there is now a hole inside you, you will also come to know (if you haven’t already) that those you love continue to live on in your heart. You remain in communion with those you love forever and are inextricably connected to them for eternity.

Man and woman grieving together and holding a single pink rose

Yes, you will grieve the person’s absence and need to express your feelings of grief. You must mourn. You must commune with your grief and take it into your heart, embracing your many thoughts and feelings. When you allow yourself to fully mourn, over time and with the support of others who care about you, you will come to find that the person you lost does indeed still live inside you.

Love abides in communion – during life and after death. And mourning is communion with your grief. With communion comes understanding, meaning, and a life of richness.

Greater Than the Sum of Its Parts

”Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.” – Marcus Aurelius

When you love another person, it can feel like one plus one equals three.

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” Love is like that. Two people can come together and form a partnership that enables each person to be “more” in so many ways.

Here’s another way to think about this idea: Love is like an orchestra. You may be a clarinet – a strong, fine wind instrument all by yourself. But when you surround yourself with other instruments, each of which does the work of carrying its own part and practicing its own music, together as a group you can blow the doors off the place.

I much prefer this expansive concept of love over the long-held reductionist belief that two become one. If two become one, both participants in the relationship are diminished. Conversely, what truly feeds the soul of a loving relationship is expansion, mutual-nurturance, and growth.

Without doubt, being part of a synergistic, two-makes-three relationship requires a conscious commitment. Did your relationship with the person who died feel enhancing or diminishing? In synergistic relationships, there has to be space and encouragement to be real and authentic. Were you empowered to be your true self or disempowered to be something you were not? Did your two make three, or did your two make you less than one? If your two made less than one, perhaps you are now faced with mourning what you never had but wished you did. How human is that?

Person wearing black placing a spray of white flowers at a loved one's grave

If, on the other hand, your relationship with the person who died made you greater than the sum of your parts, what happens now that one of you is gone? You may feel diminished. You may feel empty. You may feel less than whole. Your self-identity may even seem to shrink as you struggle with your changing roles. If you are no longer a wife (or a mother or a sister or a daughter), what are you? If you are no longer a husband (or a father or a brother or a son), what are you?

The experience of mourning can feel piecemeal – a cry here, a burst of anger there; a deep sadness today, a crush of guilt tomorrow. You might feel a sense of disorientation from the scattered and ever-changing nature of your grief.

But when you trust in the process of grief and you surrender to the mystery, you will find that mourning, like love, is also greater than the sum of its parts. Leaning into your grief and always erring on the side of expressing rather than inhibiting or ignoring your thoughts and feelings – no matter how random and disjointed they might seem some days – will bring you to a place of transformation. You will not just be different from the person you were before the death. You will be greater. Your experience of love and grief will create a changed you, a you who has not only survived but who has learned to thrive again in a new form and in a new way.

And just as love connects you to others, so should grief. You need the listening ears and open hearts of others as you express your thoughts and feelings about the death. You need the support of others as you mourn.

Yes, love and grief are both greater than the sum of their parts. The lesson I take from this is that whenever you engage fully and openly in life, experiencing both the joys and the sorrows head-on, you are living the life you were meant to live.

About the Author:

Dr. Alan Wolfelt is a respected author and educator on the topic of healing in grief. He serves as Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition and is on the faculty at the University of Colorado Medical School’s Department of Family Medicine. Dr. Wolfelt has written many compassionate, bestselling books designed to help people mourn well so they can continue to love and live well, including Loving from the Outside In, Mourning from the Inside Out, from which this article is excerpted. Visit www.centerforloss.com to learn more about the natural and necessary process of grief and mourning and to order Dr. Wolfelt’s books.

Dec 30

Love0

Casket spray of white lilies resting on top of wooden casket

7 Elements of a Healing and Meaningful Funeral

By christy.kessler Meaningful Funerals, Planning Tools

“People who take the time and make the effort to create meaningful funeral arrangements when someone loved dies often end up making new arrangements in their own lives. They remember and reconnect with what is most meaningful to them in life…strengthen bonds with family members and friends. They emerge changed, more authentic and purposeful. The best funerals remind us how we should live.” – Dr. Alan Wolfelt

Casket spray of white lilies resting on top of wooden casket

In order for a funeral service to be a healing and meaningful experience, there are 7 tried and true elements that you should consider incorporating. Dr. Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and educator, tells us that these 7 elements are necessary to facilitate the 6 needs that a funeral fulfills:

Acknowledging the reality of the death
Embracing the pain of the loss
Remembering the person who died
Developing a new self-identity
Searching for meaning
Receiving ongoing support from others

And what are the 7 elements? They are music, readings, a viewing/visitation or reception, a eulogy, symbols, a gathering, and actions. If you are planning a funeral, whether because someone you love has died or you are making advance funeral plans, give thoughtful consideration to how you can implement these healing and meaningful elements. Let’s look at each one in a little more detail!

1. Music

Music sets the tone of a funeral and brings emotions to the forefront. In fact, one of the purposes of a funeral is to allow mourners to grieve together, and in many ways, music says what words cannot. So, don’t be afraid to invite people to express grief. Select music that will remind mourners of the person who has died and allow everyone to pay tribute to that special person’s life and legacy in a meaningful way.

Why Include Special Music in a Funeral Ceremony?

How to Personalize Music at a Funeral

Setting the Tone for a Service: A Collection of Funeral Songs

2. Readings

Readings add another facet to a meaningful service. They are another way to not only invite mourners to express their emotions, but readings can also highlight the unique spirit of the one who has died. Did they have a favorite book? Poem? Were they a person of faith who would want passages read? Use these preferences to create a one-of-a-kind tribute.

How do Readings Enhance the Funeral Experience?

How to Personalize Readings at a Funeral

10 Literary Readings for Any Type of Funeral

Top 10 Poems for a Funeral Ceremony

3. Viewing, Visitation, and/or Reception

The viewing, visitation, or reception is a time for family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors to gather and express support and sympathy. If it is decided to have a viewing with the loved one’s body present, it provides an opportunity for mourners to see that special person one more time. No matter which type of event you choose to incorporate, you can personalize the space to tell your loved one’s story through pictures, cherished items, and more.

Viewing vs. Visitation: What’s the Difference?

How to Personalize the Visitation at a Funeral

3 Reasons to Have a Visitation

4. Eulogy

The eulogy may be the single most important aspect of a funeral service. It is the time to acknowledge and affirm the significance of the life lived. It is the moment when friends and family tell the story of a person’s life and reflect on what they love and will miss. With that in mind, share treasured memories, quotes, or even the lost loved one’s favorite jokes. The eulogy, sometimes called the “remembrance” or the “homily,” can be delivered by a clergy person, a family member, or even by a series of people.

8 Tips for Crafting a Eulogy

11 Mistakes to Avoid When Writing a Eulogy

5 Public Speaking Tips for Delivering a Eulogy

5. Symbols

Symbols offer a focus point for the bereaved as well as a sense of comfort. A few common examples are religious symbols (like a cross or Star of David), funeral flowers, and lit candles. In addition to these examples, you could also choose a symbol that is unique to the person who has died. If they were a sports fan, drape their favorite jersey over the casket or urn. For a quilter, you can display quilts, or for a veteran, you can use the American flag. Simply choose symbols that make sense for your loved one’s unique life.

The Importance of Symbols

How to Personalize Symbols at a Funeral

6. Gathering

The gathering is an opportunity for friends and family to come together after the funeral service to share stories and to support each other. During the grief journey, it’s essential to talk about your grief and share the stories on your heart. By including a gathering, you give mourners dedicated time and space to do so. The gathering can be as simple or elaborate as you wish. It’s simply about taking time to talk and to honor the life of the person you all love.

What is the Purpose of a Gathering?

How to Personalize the Gathering at a Funeral

7. Actions

And finally, actions invite mourners to put their grief into motion. What does that mean? In order to facilitate the healing process, it’s important to channel grief into healing actions. At the funeral, this could mean inviting guests to light a candle, take part in the eulogy, or lay a flower on the casket. It could also mean acting as a pallbearer, bringing a potluck dish for the reception, or sitting quietly with the casket to say final goodbyes.

How Do Actions Help Us Heal?

How to Personalize Healing Actions at a Funeral

5 Meaningful Actions to Personalize a Funeral

As you plan a loved one’s final farewell, consider using these 7 elements to create a personalized tribute. By incorporating each one, you will create a sweet, meaningful, and healing experience. Those who come to mourn will leave feeling like they have truly honored the life lived and taken the first healthy step on their grief journey.

Dec 30

Love0

Two people holding a small chocolate birthday cake with white icing

10 Ways to Celebrate a Loved One’s Memory on their Birthday

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss, Memorial

After losing a loved one, the act of remembrance is essential to the healing process. Memories and cherished moments bring comfort and peace during the difficult process of grief. While you will always miss the person who has died, you can keep their memory alive in your heart and memory. One way you can honor and remember them is by celebrating their birthday every year. But what does that look like? Let’s review 10 ideas for celebrating a loved one’s memory on their birthday.

1. Organize a gathering with family and friends

If you love hosting and having people around you, consider throwing a birthday party for your lost loved one. Instead of gifts, guests can bring their favorite memories to share over the dinner table. Display photos, bring out your loved one’s favorite dishes, and place your loved one’s photo in a place of honor at the table. Coming together with others may be just the right balm for your heart as you mark a lost loved one’s birthday.

2. Cook their favorite meal

If you don’t feel up to a full gathering, keep it simple by cooking your loved one’s favorite meal for your immediate family. As you prepare their signature dish, place a photo of your loved one nearby. Then, once everyone is settled at the table, swap stories about your lost loved one and laugh together as you celebrate their birthday and their life. In this way, you can combine the comfort of food with the comfort of your memories.

3. Write them a letter

Words are powerful, and writing down your thoughts can be a therapeutic and effective way to process what you’re feeling. As you write, you could express your feelings, share life updates, or simply tell your loved one how much you miss them. If you want an extra touch, choose a birthday card at the store and write your letter inside. Then, you can leave the letter at their graveside or place it in a memory box where you can come back to it in future years.

4. Start a birthday tradition

If you like the idea of creating a ritual you can revisit year after year, consider starting a birthday tradition on your loved one’s birthday. Did they love apple pie? Eat a slice on their birthday every year. Did they adore When Harry Met Sally or Die Hard? Watch the movie, even if it’s the wrong time of year. Did they love taking walks? Get outside and breathe in the crisp air. Simply choose a birthday tradition that’s doable and look forward to it every year.

5. Give a memorial donation

If your loved one was active in the community or did regular volunteer work, then giving a memorial donation may be an excellent way to honor their memory. Consider giving to an organization they were passionate about. Alternatively, if they suffered from a disease, you could give toward medical research seeking a cure and treatment options. By giving a memorial donation in your loved one’s name, you extend their positive impact on the world.

6. Visit their final resting place

Another activity to consider is visiting your loved one’s final resting place. If the cemetery allows it, bring a birthday bouquet or a birthday balloon. Sit down and give your loved one an update on the past year of your life. If your person wasn’t laid to rest in a cemetery, visit a place that is particularly meaningful to the two of you. It doesn’t really matter where you go, as long as you feel a connection and kinship to the person who has died.

7. Share a post on social media

Social media is a big part of life today, and it can be a great place to publicly honor and remember a loved one. Take your time crafting a heartfelt message and selecting meaningful photos. If you wish, you could ask people to share a favorite memory or leave a message of remembrance in the comments. When you’re hurting, it can be comforting to know you aren’t alone and that other people miss your person, too.

8. Participate in their favorite hobby

Did your loved one have a favorite hobby or pastime? In honor of their birthday, you could jump in and participate. For the painters, sign up for a class at the local Paint & Sip. For the marathon runners, sign up for a 5k (you can walk, no running required). For the crafters, spend time learning how to embroider, quilt, or crochet. For the golfers, take the whole family to mini golf. No matter what your loved one’s interests were, you can use them to honor your loved one’s birthday.

9. Wear something meaningful for the day

What you wear is a form of expression. On your lost loved one’s birthday, you can express your love for them through your wardrobe. You could wear their favorite color or a piece of jewelry that once belonged to them. You could pull on fuzzy cat socks or paint your nails that signature blue. Whatever it is, wearing a physical reminder can brighten your day and hopefully bring a smile to your face amidst any sadness you’re feeling.

10. Perform random acts of kindness

Lastly, give kindness to others on behalf of your loved one. For one mother who lost her young daughter, this meant paying for another child’s birthday cake in her daughter’s memory. For you, this could mean so many things. Paying for the person’s order behind you in the drive-thru. Taking cookies to work. Smiling at people at the store. Giving a bigger tip. Big or small, a simple act of kindness can lift the heart – yours and the other person’s.

Remember, this is just a list of possible ideas. Get creative and identify the most meaningful way for you to honor your loved one’s memory on their birthday. And if it’s hard to think about “celebrating” anything right now, that’s okay. You can come back to this list of ideas at a future date when you’re ready. Each year may look different as your loved one’s birthday comes and goes, but your love for them will remain forever and always.

Dec 29

Love0

Man and woman greeting each other with a handshake in a professional setting

What to Expect at a Funeral Arrangement Conference

By christy.kessler Plan Ahead, Planning Tools

None of us are ever truly prepared to lose someone we love. Whether the loss comes suddenly or has been long expected, numbness and shock are common in the first two days, which is usually when the funeral arrangements are made. To help ease the burden you may feel so soon after a loss, it’s helpful to know what to expect when you head into an arrangement conference. Preparing ahead of time will help ease your mind and prepare your thoughts.

What is an Arrangement Conference?

An arrangement conference is a time specifically set aside to meet with a funeral director and discuss final disposition and the details of a meaningful tribute. Additionally, it’s an opportunity for the funeral director to get to know you better and learn how to best honor your loved one.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected grief author and counselor, says that the funeral ritual is incredibly important for our individual grief journeys. He says, “Rich in history and rife with symbolism, the funeral ceremony helps us acknowledge the reality of the death, gives testimony to the life of the deceased, encourages the expression of grief in a way consistent with the culture’s values, provides support to mourners, allows for the embracing of faith and beliefs about life and death, and offers continuity and hope for the living.”

With this goal in mind, the arrangement conference gives you and the funeral director time to create a meaningful and healing funeral service. Most arrangement conferences take place in the funeral home, but if you are traveling from a long distance or can’t make it to the funeral home in person, you may also be able to work with your funeral director over the phone and via text, email, or other digital options.

What are the Main Objectives?

There are three main objectives for your time with the funeral director during the arrangement conference.

Gather the vital information of the person who died (full name, SSN, birthdate, etc.), which the funeral director will then use on your behalf to request death certificates and file for veterans’ burial benefits (if applicable) and life insurance claims.
Make your wishes known about how you want to remember and honor your lost loved one.
Select the most fitting funeral, cremation, and burial options.

Typically, the conference takes 2-3 hours on the day of or the day after a death. The funeral director will guide you through the available funeral service and memorial options, music selections, coordination with a church and cemetery (or other desired location for the service), and much more.

What Questions Should You Consider in Advance?

The funeral director is your partner and your guide throughout the funeral planning process. They have the experience and the knowledge needed to help you make informed decisions. Even though you will get thorough explanations from the funeral director, it’s a good idea to come to the arrangement conference having considered a few key questions:

Where and when should the services be held?
Do you want to publish an obituary? If you do, who will write it? Where will you publish it?
In lieu of flowers, do you want to offer charitable contributions as an option for sympathy gifts?
Have you chosen a cemetery or other final resting place?
Do you need assistance with selecting a monument or grave marker?
What kind of funeral service is most appropriate? Simple? Elaborate? Public? Private? Religious?
What would you consider to be the best way to honor and memorialize your lost loved one?
Should there be a viewing, visitation, funeral service, or committal service?
If there is a service, who will participate? Musicians, speakers, pallbearers?
Do you want floral arrangements present, and if so, what kind?
Will the final disposition be burial, cremation, or another type of interment?
Will the body be present at the funeral or memorial service?
If applicable, open or closed casket?
Do you know someone who will act as officiant, or will you need the funeral home’s assistance in finding one?

What Should You Bring?

The more information you bring, the smoother the meeting will be (and the less documentation you will need to bring back later). To help you prepare, print and review this Funeral Arrangement Conference Checklist. The list is fairly comprehensive and gives you an excellent place to start. However, please note that the funeral home may ask you for something not included.

Additionally, the funeral home might also reach out to you before the arrangement conference to start planning digitally. Completing some information ahead of time means that the focus of the in-person meeting can be about planning a meaningful, personalized service for your loved one.

Some Final Tips

First of all, prepare as much as you can ahead of time. You can gather necessary documents, clothing and personal items, details for the obituary, and photos to be used in the service ahead of time.

Secondly, don’t feel rushed during the conference. Remember, the funeral director is there to help you with all your needs and is ready to serve you fully.

Thirdly, ask as many questions as you need. As you plan a tribute for your loved one, the funeral director is there to be a knowledgeable and available partner in a difficult situation. Make use of their experience and ask as many questions as you want.

Finally, take notes. You will receive a lot of information during the arrangement conference, and it’s unlikely you will be able to remember it all. Take a notepad (or a friend) with you and make sure to write things down.

Hopefully, you now feel a little more prepared for an arrangement conference and can go into the meeting with confidence!

One Last Thought

After planning a funeral for a loved one, you know how hard it can be. Instead, here’s a pro tip: If you’d like to make the planning process easier for your own family in the future, consider the benefits of preplanning. With a prearranged funeral plan already in place, your family won’t have to answer dozens of questions while under a cloud of stress and grief. Instead, with your wishes in hand, the arrangement conference will go very smoothly. Often, the only question left to answer is the date and time for the service to be held!

To learn more about funeral preplanning, check out these resources:

Dec 23

Love0

Woman playing a cello, seated by man playing a violin.

12 Ways to Honor the Musician in Your Life

By Becca Corbett Meaningful Funerals, Personalization

Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult things we face in life, but designing a meaningful final goodbye can create a sweet moment of remembrance that will help soothe the pain.

Today, we’re going to talk about ways you can personalize the service to honor a loved one who deeply valued music, whether they sang, wrote songs, played an instrument, or participated in band, orchestra, musical theatre, and more. Let’s get started.

Personalized Ways to Honor the Musician in Your Life

1. Pick a music-related venue

Did you know that you have freedom when choosing the location of a loved one’s final tribute? For music lovers, your local theater, performance hall, or another type of music venue would be a great location for a service. Gathering somewhere that was either meaningful to your loved one or that highlights an area of interest is a wonderful way for people to feel closer to them.

2. Choose a music-inspired guestbook

It’s common practice to ask people to sign a guestbook when they attend the visitation or funeral service. Consider choosing one with a musical theme, such as music notes, vinyl records, or instruments. If you can personalize it, consider including a picture of your loved one playing their favorite instrument. Having a music-themed guestbook gives you a unique way to honor your loved one’s passion for music.

3. Decorate with a music theme

While flowers are commonly used for decoration at a funeral service, there are so many ways that you can get creative! To add a musical theme to the service, you could use flowers made from sheet music, play vinyl on a record player, or display posters of their favorite bands. Additionally, if they were involved in musical theatre or any organized musical group, you could add playbills, programs, ticket stubs, costumes, and other memorabilia associated with that aspect of their life. These special touches add a unique feel to the service and pay tribute to their love of music.

4. Create a collage of photos from performances

If your musician did shows, put on concerts, or played on stage, gather photos of the performances to use during the service. Put the images in a photo album, scatter them on a table, or hang them on the wall for mourners to admire as they reflect on their loved one’s life. By adding these special touches, you can bring a loved one’s past performances to life for mourners who have come to honor their legacy.

5. Display their instrument

Perhaps your loved one played an instrument, or two, or three. To honor the time and commitment your loved one put into honing their craft, consider displaying their instrument(s) during the service. The instrument will become a visual reminder of their love of music. Plus, when people see the instrument, they can reflect on the special moments when they watched your lost loved one play it.

6. Perform songs they wrote

If your musician enjoyed writing song lyrics, you may want to play their personal songs at the service. Print out the lyrics and provide them to guests as they enter the service. Have a musician, band, or family members perform the song and encourage attendees to sing along. Hearing the lyrics your loved one wrote can bring peace and comfort during difficult moments.

7. Show videos of them singing or playing instruments

Alternatively, you could include a memorial video that highlights your loved one’s musical talent. If you have videos of your musician singing or playing instruments, they could be shown on-screen while people are entering or leaving the service. Watching a video of your loved one can help you revisit joyful memories and see the happiness they felt while performing.

8. Play music by their favorite artists

Every music lover will have their favorite musical artists, and you can use those preferences to personalize the service. Did your loved one have a favorite country artist, enjoy jazz, or love a band from their youth? Use their favorite tunes to compile a list of songs to play during the service.

If you want to involve the guests, consider creating a collaborative playlist of songs. Using whatever music streaming service you prefer, share a link with mourners to allow them to add songs that you can play at the service. To ensure the songs are appropriate for the service, review the playlist ahead of time. Additionally, you will need to make sure that the funeral home you partner with for the service has an appropriate license to play copyrighted music. By inviting family and friends to create a playlist together, you give them the chance to participate and reflect on meaningful moments spent with a lost loved one.

9. Reserve seats for musical peers and students

Your musician may have spent part of their life mentoring others or leading musical groups, either as part of their career or during their personal time. If your loved one was a music teacher, voice coach, or band member, reserve a seating section for their students or fellow band members at the service. Providing special seating for guests who were important to your musician is a great way to honor their legacy.

10. Donate to a local musical organization

If your musician was active in a musical band, club, or organization, consider offering the option for people to donate to that cause as an alternative to sending flowers. Memorial contributions will serve as a meaningful way to support a cause that was close to your loved one’s heart.

11. Hand out mementos at the service

Another thoughtful way to honor the musician in your life is to pass out mementos at the service. Not only will the keepsake remind people of your loved one on the day of the service, but it will act as a reminder for years to come.

Here are a few ideas for mementos:

Sheet music of an original song or one of your loved one’s favorite tunes
Guitar picks in a basket
Picture of your loved one performing
Musical note bookmarks

By providing attendees with a meaningful keepsake, you give them a tangible object that will help them process the loss.

12. Design a custom monument

In most cases, monuments are entirely customizable, allowing you to create a unique design to honor your musician. For example, you could add a photo etching, choose the shape of a music note, or have your loved one’s favorite lyrics carved on the stone. Your funeral director or a monument specialist can help you design the perfect monument to honor your loved one. They will discuss your options and answer any questions that you may have about creating a custom monument.

These are just a few ideas to get you started! Musicians bring joy and happiness to people’s lives, and there are so many ways to highlight their musical interest and talent. By planning a personalized service that incorporates music themes, you can pay tribute to their gift, their values, and their unique personality.

Additional Resources

If you’d like more ideas on personalizing a funeral for a loved one, check out these resources:

10 Ideas for Making a Funeral More Personal
Using Color to Personalize a Service
How to Personalize Music at a Funeral
How to Personalize Readings at a Funeral
How to Personalize the Eulogy at a Funeral
How to Personalize Healing Actions at a Funeral
Why Does Funeral Personalization Matter?

Dec 23

Love0

Sharing Your Story with Legacy Projects

By Kaylan Frank Educational, Grief/Loss, Memorial

Acknowledging our own mortality can feel uncomfortable, but deep down, we all want to be remembered after we’re gone – not just for the things we accomplished, but for who we are. Every person’s life tells a unique story, a treasure trove of wisdom, love, and experiences worth sharing. Unfortunately, too many of our loved ones’ stories go untold, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Legacy projects offer a meaningful way to share your story and support your family through the grief that comes after losing a loved one.

What are Legacy Projects, and Why are They Important?

Legacies come in many forms. Some are tangible, such as heirlooms or lasting contributions, while others are intangible, including the values we pass on and the memories we leave behind. Legacy projects help preserve your values, knowledge, and contributions in a meaningful way. They also allow you to weave your story with intention, building a bridge between your past and your family’s future.

Comfort, two people holding hands

But how do legacy projects benefit both you and your family? Legacy projects can create a map of meaningful moments that benefit both you and your loved ones on the journey through grief.

For you: This kind of project encourages reflection, providing emotional clarity while also giving you a way to pass down valuable insight, skills, and traditions. It could become a legacy that future generations continue, honoring your memory and the impact you’ve made.
For your family: Cherished keepsakes can serve as a physical reminder of you, providing comfort after you’ve passed. A project built around your story can bring people together and create a new tradition of sharing your life with those yet to come.

Additionally, Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected grief counselor and author with decades of experience helping the grieving, talks about how going backward through memories can bring comfort: “In my experience, remembering the past is the very thing that eventually makes hoping for the future possible. Mourners’ lives will open to renewed hope, love and joy only to the extent that they first embrace the past.” By helping your loved ones embrace the past, you help them process their grief and move forward to the good the future holds.

How to Choose a Legacy Project

When you set out to create a legacy project, knowing where to begin can be a challenge. Here are three thoughtful questions to consider if you’re ready to get started! These questions are designed to help you tune in, connect with your passions, and start shaping a project that truly reflects who you are.

How do you want to be remembered?

Take time to reflect on what is most important to you – your values, impact, and the legacy you hope to leave behind. Set aside time each week for quiet reflection. Keep a journal or notepad nearby to jot down your thoughts as they arise. Additionally, looking back at photographs, journals, or cherished memories can help guide you towards what project you want to create.

What has been meaningful about your relationships?

If you and a loved one shared an interest, then you might consider a legacy project around that shared topic. For example, if you and your daughter love going to see plays at the theater, you could create a scrapbook with photos, playbills, and ticket stubs. After gifting the project to your daughter, it will become a gentle invitation to revisit memories of you. Do you have a Sunday breakfast tradition with your grandchildren? You could create a Family Breakfast Cookbook and fill it with handwritten recipes, along with notes about the memories tied to each one. Like when your grandson flipped the pancakes too early, or the eggs you scrambled perfectly together. Think through your relationships and consider who might benefit from a legacy project based around a shared interest.

Do you have any hobbies that bring you joy or help you unwind?

Think about activities that are meaningful to you. Whether it’s knitting, baking, collecting, writing, painting, reading, or traveling, you can use your talents to create a legacy project that truly reflects who you are. Do you have a favorite spot at the park, a timeless handmade quilt, or an assortment of vintage cameras that you once used to document your travels? Whatever you choose, you can turn what you love into a lasting legacy.

If you get stuck, ask your family members or close friends for brainstorming help or reach out to those who may want to be involved in preserving your legacy after you’ve passed.

More Ways to Share Your Story

Even with the questions above to help, you may still feel unsure about where to begin. Here are some more suggestions to ignite your own imagination and get your ideas off the ground!

For the writers:

Journals or letters filled with words of wisdom are a powerful way to pass down values and life lessons to your loved ones when advice and encouragement are needed. You can even write letters for memorable milestones like graduations, weddings, and other life events.

For the sentimental:

Photos and photo albums, both physical and digital, can serve as visual stories to spark conversations. Memory capsules are another way to pass sentimental items on to your loved ones to help them heal.

For the foodies:

Do you have a secret recipe, or is there a dish you make that everyone loves? Creating a recipe book or curating a box of favorite recipes is a meaningful way to pass your legacy down through the memories tied to smell and taste.

For the tech-savvy:

Digital videos and voice recordings are an excellent way for your loved ones to revisit time spent with you. This type of project will help preserve your laughter and presence in a form that can be replayed, bringing comfort and maybe even joy in grief.

For the adventurers:

Talk with your loved ones about meaningful memorials. Have you thought about a bench in your favorite park or a plaque at your most visited ballfield? Additionally, if you’re considering cremation, you might ask your family to scatter your remains in a place that holds special meaning.

For the collectors:

Your treasured collections, such as cameras, art, model trains, or sports memorabilia, carry stories and significance. Passing them on as meaningful gifts ensures that your interests continue to inspire.

For the creatives:

Do you have a portfolio or print pieces that include photography or paintings you’ve created? Have you written poetry or music that you would like to be kept in the family? These items can offer comfort and connection, helping your loved ones feel close to you through art or music.

For the readers:

Some books have been in the family for generations as cherished heirlooms. For example, a father or grandfather might read a story every holiday season, and family members may want to carry on the tradition! If your collection holds sentimental or historical value, consider how you’d like it to be preserved.

For the philanthropists:

Do you have a favorite nonprofit organization that you regularly donate to? Would you like for someone in your family to continue supporting a cause in your name? Discuss the possibility of donating to a foundation of your choice with your loved ones.

For the old souls:

Does your family have a special tradition or any beloved items that have been passed down through generations? Family Bibles, antique furniture, jewelry, and quilts can be wonderful items to pass down through the family tree.

Start Telling your Story Today!

Hopefully your creativity is sparking, and you’ve come up with an idea for a legacy project (or even several!). While it may be uncomfortable to think about the end of your life, there’s comfort and healing in telling your story.

A gentle exploration of how you want to be remembered can be a powerful and grounding experience. Completing a legacy project and gifting it to someone you love creates an emotional impact that lasts. For years to come, they’ll have something that’s tangible and meaningful to help them connect back to you. How would you like your story to be told?

Dec 10

Love0

Young woman in pink sweater and glasses sitting at home and going over her estate plan

Avoid These 6 Estate Planning Misconceptions

By christy.kessler Educational, Estate Planning

A 2025 survey found that only 31% of Americans have a legal will and 55% of Americans have no estate plan at all. These figures tell us that most American families are unprotected and unprepared regarding legal matters should an unexpected death occur in the family.

You may be asking, “But what is an estate plan?” An estate plan refers to many documents, including but not limited to a legal will, a living will, a financial or healthcare power of attorney, and a trust. A combination of these documents will make up a person’s estate plan.

So, why aren’t Americans completing an estate plan? Let’s talk through 6 misconceptions around estate planning that lead many families to de-prioritize the planning process and create unintentional confusion and headaches for surviving family members.

Reason #1: “An estate plan is only for senior adults”

In many ways, estate planning has become associated with advanced age. Because senior adults (65+) have lived longer, worked longer, and often accumulated more wealth, the general thought is that they are more likely to need an estate plan.

However, a 20-something who’s just starting out has just as much need for estate planning documents as an 80-year-old at an assisted living facility. Why? Because both people have assets, possessions, and online accounts tied to their names.

Without a clear estate plan, both the family of the 20-year-old and the 80-year-old will have difficulty untangling an estate. In some ways, the 20-year-old’s estate may be harder. After all, the 80-year-old may have verbally conveyed some wishes while the 20-year-old probably never considered it. So, regardless of age, it’s always a good idea to have a plan for your estate.

Reason #2: “An estate plan is only for the wealthy”

Next, you may think that estate planning is only for the wealthy. While the wealthy do have more assets and properties to distribute, estate planning is not dependent on having a specific amount of wealth. In many ways, estate planning is about more than money.

It’s about the family heirlooms, the sock drawer money, the paid-off car, and the house you’ve lived in for years. Whether you have $100 to your name or $1 million, your family needs direction and guidance to understand your wishes and ensure that the right people inherit and receive what you want them to receive.

Reason #3: “Estate planning will be too expensive”

The cost of estate planning ultimately rests in your hands. While there are expensive options out there, you can choose an estate planning route that comes with minimal cost.

For those who have a complicated estate, it may be worthwhile to get in contact with an estate planning attorney who can help you walk through all the details. However, for those with uncomplicated, straightforward estates, you can complete basic estate planning documents for a nominal fee.

And if you prefer to work directly with an estate planning attorney no matter what, you can call around until you find a firm or attorney that fits into your budget and meets your needs.

Reason #4: “I have plenty of time”

Most of us don’t spend much time actively thinking about our mortality. It’s something we tend to avoid thinking about, which is why so many people assume they have plenty of time to complete an estate plan.

But the fact is that none of us know the length of our days. More than likely, all of us can name someone who died much too early or quite unexpectedly. Rather than leave things to chance, take charge and make decisions today.

By outlining your estate planning wishes now, not only will you have peace of mind that everyone you love is taken care of, but the people you love can experience incredible assurance that you’ve considered everything and made plans for the future.

Reason #5: “I don’t need an estate plan”

For some, you may think you don’t need an estate plan. Maybe you live paycheck to paycheck or you’ve never been able to buy a home or invest in anything. You’re not alone! According to a report put out by PNC Bank, around 67% of workers are living paycheck to paycheck.

While your financial situation may make it seem like you don’t need an estate plan, that’s not the case. Even if your financial assets are minimal, there are still many end-of-life concerns that need your input.

Let’s discuss a few examples. A legal will allows you to designate a guardian for any minor children or pets. A living will encourages you to outline your wishes regarding life-saving medical care. A power of attorney gives your chosen representative the ability to make decisions if you become incapacitated, including paying your bills, making medical decisions, and accessing your online accounts.

Whether you have monetary assets or not, you do have many reasons to complete an estate plan and ensure your wishes are known.

Reason #6: “I’ve never thought about it”

And lastly, it could be that you just haven’t thought about estate planning at all. It could be because you don’t feel you qualify, but it could also simply be not knowing. In life, we don’t know what we don’t know.

So, consider this your public service announcement: An estate plan matters, and by putting one together (no matter your financial situation), you will make closing your estate and distributing your assets and heirlooms much easier on your family during a time of grief.

So, What’s Next?

Now that you understand why estate planning matters and that it applies to you, how do you get started?

Download our free estate planning checklist (download here)
Make an appointment with an estate planning attorney
Look into community and online resources

11 Reasons Why You Should Start Estate Planning Now

By christy.kessler Educational, Estate Planning

Far too often, estate planning stays at the bottom of the to-do pile, and because of that, surviving family members are left with an estate to untangle and questions to answer. For some families, the lack of an estate plan can lead to years of court appearances and loss of money. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Today, let’s talk about 11 reasons why estate planning is useful and why you shouldn’t put it off.

11 Reasons Why You Should Start Estate Planning Now

First, let’s define “estate plan.” An estate plan is the process of anticipating and managing financial, medical, and guardianship issues that will arise after your death or if you become incapacitated. Think of estate planning as a road map for your family, giving them a clear vision of how to care for your health, possessions, assets, children, pets, and more.

The most common estate planning documents to consider are the financial power of attorney, medical power of attorney, living will, legal will, revocable living trust, and funeral plan.

Not every reason on this list will apply to you, but if even one reason connects to your life, then it may be time to put together an estate plan.

1. Protect Your Minor Children

If you have children under 18, an estate plan can be essential for their care if something should happen to you. By completing certain documents, you can designate a guardian and set aside an inheritance for your children’s future. Without a plan in place, children may go through foster care or experience a period of instability on the way to a permanent home. By completing a few documents, especially a legal will, you can provide for your children if anything unexpected occurs.

2. Outline Future Care for Pets

Pets are family members, too, and to guarantee their well-being after your passing, you can include them in your legal documents. When a pet’s care is left unaddressed, it’s possible that they may be dropped off at a shelter or humane society rather than taken in by a loving family. To protect your pet’s future, consider taking steps to ensure that they go to a happy and healthy home should anything happen to you. To learn more, read Protect Your Pet: 4 Steps to Create an Estate Plan for Your Pet.

3. Minimize or Prevent Family Disagreements

All of us know that money can make people a little bit crazy. Sometimes it’s easy to tell who will cause problems, and other times, it’s not. By putting together an estate plan, you can significantly minimize or completely prevent any squabbles amongst your surviving loved ones. An estate plan will clearly outline your wishes regarding who gets what, when they get it, who’s in charge, and more. And because the documents are legally binding, any difficult people will have to go along with it.

4. Specify How Your Assets Should Be Distributed

You might say, “I don’t have a lot of money. Why do I need a will?” The word “assets” refers to much more than just money. It’s your car, your house, your accounts, and your cherished heirlooms, to name a few. All of these items belong to you, and you should be the one deciding what happens to them after you’re gone. If you don’t have an estate plan, it’s often up to state law to determine what happens, and your family may or may not benefit. By completing a few documents now, you can ensure everything goes to the right people.

5. Avoid Probate Court and Preserve Privacy

For some families, a revocable trust may be an excellent option because it allows you to skip the costly and time-consuming probate court process. At probate court, the legal will is authenticated, and a plan is set to pay bills and taxes before distributing to the rightful heirs. Depending on your state, it can be a complicated process, especially if someone decides to oppose the will. However, with a trust, you can completely avoid probate court and appoint your own executor, who will take care of everything privately and out of the public eye.

6. Choose a Trusted Estate Executor

An executor is the person who carries out the desires and directives you’ve written in a legal will. You can designate someone you trust as executor, but if you don’t have a legal will, everything will fall to the state. The state-appointed executor will then decide what to do with your assets and property. While they will follow state law, the end results may not benefit your family. However, by completing an estate plan and choosing an executor, you can avoid this unnecessary complication.

7. Manage or Minimize Estate Tax Issues

Another reason to set up an estate plan is to manage or minimize taxes associated with state/federal estate tax laws or inheritance laws. Without a plan, these taxes could significantly affect what’s left for your heirs. However, you can reduce the tax on your overall estate when your estate plan is properly structured. It’s best to speak with an estate planning attorney to discuss the right options for your particular estate. With their help, you may be able to legally avoid expensive taxes that can negatively impact your estate.

8. Document your Medical Care Wishes

Not to be confused with a legal will, the living will is a document that outlines your medical care wishes should you become incapacitated. In this document, you provide guidance on which medical procedures you are okay with and which you aren’t. For example, some people may include DNR (do not resuscitate) orders in their living will. The biggest benefit to completing a living will is that you provide family members and doctors with a comprehensive understanding of your wishes so they can make decisions appropriately.

9. Avoid a Guardianship Appointment

A power of attorney (POA) allows a designated representative to legally act on your behalf. This means that they can make financial or medical decisions, pay bills, and sell property, to name a few. However, if you become incapacitated and don’t have a POA, it’s possible that no one (including your spouse) will be able to act for you. In this event, the court must appoint a guardian for you, which can be an expensive and lengthy process. However, with a POA in place, your loved ones can make decisions on your behalf with ease.

10. Arrange for Charitable Gifts

If you’d like to support an organization or charity by leaving a charitable gift (or bequest), then you’ll want to use your estate plan to set everything up. There are ways to designate certain finances to go to a specific organization, and when properly structured, you can do so without losing much to taxes. If you plan to give a large amount or would like to create a new scholarship fund at an institution, reach out to the organization itself first. Their knowledgeable staff will help you navigate all the steps.

11. Give Everyone Peace of Mind

And last but certainly not least, completing an estate plan will give you – and your survivors – peace of mind. Creating an estate plan takes time and can be a bit stressful. Imagine having to do everything after a loved one has already passed away and can no longer answer questions or give opinions. It’s one more stress added to an already difficult time of loss. Instead, by putting in the work now, you can give everyone peace of mind and remove a future burden from your loved ones’ shoulders.

Why Is It Important to Plan Now?

In short, the most compelling reason why you should start putting your estate plan together now is that none of us know the length of our days. For many of us, it will be decades before there’s even a hint of a health problem. But for some, an accident or a diagnosis can come without warning and much too early.

Because the future is unknown, take the time now to protect your children, your pets, and your assets. Without your forethought, there’s no telling what may happen after you’re gone. It’s never too early to put together an estate plan, but it can be too late.

To begin preparing a comprehensive estate plan, make an appointment with a local estate planning attorney or look online for resources in your area. While it will take time to put everything together, your family will be so grateful in the end.

Additional Estate Planning Resources

DISCLAIMER: Individual circumstances and state laws vary, so any estate planning should only be undertaken with the help and assistance of an attorney licensed in your state.

Dec 09

Love0

Tiles with happy and sad faces printed on them resting on a table with a person's hand splitting them apart

Funerals and Family Discord: What Can You Do?

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss, Planning Tools

Funerals can be difficult. Emotions tend to live closer to the surface. Then, add the struggles and intricacies associated with relationships to the emotional pot. Dealing with family discord or difficult people at an already challenging time is taxing. If you’ve lost someone you love, you are already feeling a wide range of emotions, and you may not feel you have energy left to deal with difficult people or situations.

Family discord or interactions with difficult people can happen at any stage of the funeral process. It may be that you and a sibling disagree on the best way to honor your parent’s life. Or perhaps someone you have intentionally avoided will be coming to the funeral service. No matter the details of your particular situation, you may feel your stress levels rising when you think about the funeral. If this resonates with you, take a moment to review some thoughts on how to navigate these tricky moments.

1. Be aware of your emotions

Our emotions are a gift, but they are also our responsibility. They tell us how we feel, but they do not always reflect the truth about a situation. We need to examine whether our feelings are based on faulty assumptions or real facts.

As you deal with family discord or difficult people, try to be mindful of your emotions and what they are telling you. But more importantly, ask yourself, “Are my emotions a reflection of reality or a result of my potentially faulty conclusions?” In other words, are you thinking clearly or through an emotionally-blurred lens? It’s important to answer these questions before taking the offensive against family members during a very emotional time.

Remember – you control your emotions; they do not control you.

2. Find ways to compromise

Compromise is a highly successful way to navigate discord, so be on the lookout for areas where you can give and take. In some cases, family members may disagree about funeral arrangements for a lost loved one. Some may prefer cremation while others may prefer burial. And if cremation is chosen, what happens to the ashes? Who decides?

These types of family disagreements are one reason why it’s so important to plan ahead for funeral arrangements. If a loved one provides an outline of their wishes, survivors don’t have to stress over what to do. They can have confidence in what their lost loved one wanted. But in the absence of a plan, find ways to compromise so that everyone gets a little of what they want.

And if you’re attending a funeral where you will see a certain family member you’ve been avoiding, remember what the service is all about. It’s about honoring and saying goodbye to the person who has died. Whether or not there is a possibility to repair the strained relationship with the living person, try to set aside your differences until after services are complete.

3. Choose your words thoughtfully

It’s always good practice to weigh your words in every situation, especially during a time of loss. Those who speak out of anger or pain are usually in a reactive state and may say something hurtful that they later regret. If tension is rising with family members, words spoken in anger will only make things worse.

Instead, work to stand up for yourself and express your opinion without attacking the position of others. Try to really listen to what others are saying and see things from their perspective before responding. Start your statements with “I feel” or “I think” rather than “You always do this” or “You make me so mad!” Using “I” instead of “You” statements will help you take responsibility for your emotions without accusing others and putting them on the defensive, which could escalate an already tense situation.

4. Discover what helps you cope with stress

Next, take time to understand your own needs.

We should always try to learn more about our own motivations and those of other people, seeking to understand why we and others act or react in certain ways. What calms you down? What is your outlet or release? For some, it’s painting or writing, working out, being alone for a while, or spending time with specific people who bring life and comfort.

As you approach a situation that may be difficult, do what you need to do beforehand to bring your stress levels down. Think about appropriate ways to express your grief, your anger, your frustration, or whatever feeling is rising up in you. Don’t bottle it up; channel it appropriately. If you do feel the need to express your emotions vocally, go to a room by yourself (or with a safe person) and scream or cry if you need to.

5. Try to take the higher road

When dealing with a difficult person, the last thing you may want is to be “nice.” If you and a sibling are arguing over a parent’s final wishes for the funeral service, you are likely more irritated than kindhearted at the moment. But that’s why it’s so important to look for a way to be kind.

As you seek ways to be gracious to those who are difficult, rude, or discourteous, you may even change the direction of the conversation. Even if they don’t respond to you in kindness, you can look back at the funeral and say, “I did my best in a difficult situation.”

In life, conflict is unavoidable. How we respond and deal with it is what truly matters. If you are looking for a way to avoid future family discord or an uncomfortable situation at a funeral, one option is to talk with your elderly, living relatives about making advance funeral arrangements. Putting a plan in place provides a valuable opportunity for families to get on the same page regarding future events and prevent as much disagreement as possible.

About the Author:

Communion of Lives

Communion of Grief

Greater Than the Sum of Its Parts

About the Author:

1. Music

2. Readings

3. Viewing, Visitation, and/or Reception

4. Eulogy

5. Symbols

6. Gathering

7. Actions

1. Organize a gathering with family and friends

2. Cook their favorite meal

3. Write them a letter

4. Start a birthday tradition

5. Give a memorial donation

6. Visit their final resting place

7. Share a post on social media

8. Participate in their favorite hobby

9. Wear something meaningful for the day

10. Perform random acts of kindness

What is an Arrangement Conference?

What are the Main Objectives?

What Questions Should You Consider in Advance?

What Should You Bring?

Some Final Tips

One Last Thought

Personalized Ways to Honor the Musician in Your Life

1. Pick a music-related venue

2. Choose a music-inspired guestbook

3. Decorate with a music theme

4. Create a collage of photos from performances

5. Display their instrument

6. Perform songs they wrote

7. Show videos of them singing or playing instruments

8. Play music by their favorite artists

9. Reserve seats for musical peers and students

10. Donate to a local musical organization

11. Hand out mementos at the service

12. Design a custom monument

Additional Resources

What are Legacy Projects, and Why are They Important?

How to Choose a Legacy Project

How do you want to be remembered?

What has been meaningful about your relationships?

Do you have any hobbies that bring you joy or help you unwind?

More Ways to Share Your Story

For the writers:

For the sentimental:

For the foodies:

For the tech-savvy:

For the adventurers:

For the collectors:

For the creatives:

For the readers:

For the philanthropists:

For the old souls:

Start Telling your Story Today!

Reason #1: “An estate plan is only for senior adults”

Reason #2: “An estate plan is only for the wealthy”

Reason #3: “Estate planning will be too expensive”

Reason #4: “I have plenty of time”

Reason #5: “I don’t need an estate plan”

Reason #6: “I’ve never thought about it”

So, What’s Next?

Further reading on estate planning

11 Reasons Why You Should Start Estate Planning Now

1. Protect Your Minor Children

2. Outline Future Care for Pets

3. Minimize or Prevent Family Disagreements

4. Specify How Your Assets Should Be Distributed

5. Avoid Probate Court and Preserve Privacy

6. Choose a Trusted Estate Executor

7. Manage or Minimize Estate Tax Issues

8. Document your Medical Care Wishes

9. Avoid a Guardianship Appointment

10. Arrange for Charitable Gifts

11. Give Everyone Peace of Mind

Why Is It Important to Plan Now?