Page 2 – Funeral Basics

Sep 19

Older man in a blue shirt smiling at a schnauzer

How to Emotionally Prepare for a Pet’s Death

By Rachael Ray Pets

Pets light up the world around us, and they are our closest companions and most loving friends. As pets age and their physical abilities begin to slow, death is something every pet owner must face, and it can be difficult to come to terms with. Thankfully, as you walk alongside your pet in their senior years, you can prepare yourself for what’s to come. Although it may feel overwhelming to think about your pet’s death, let’s look at a few practices you can start now to emotionally prepare for your pet’s eventual passing.

1. Allow Yourself to Feel

When you see your pet’s health deteriorating, first and foremost, allow yourself to feel sad. Your feelings do matter, and they are valid. Some people may think it’s silly to grieve the death of a pet deeply, but ignore them. Grief is grief. There’s no timeline for your grief, nor is there a step-by-step process.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected grief expert, has a lot to say about pet death, including, “Allow your feelings to find expression.” Although it may be tempting to push your feelings down and avoid thinking about your pet’s passing, doing so can do more harm than good. While people process their feelings differently, it’s important not to repress or ignore them.

As you prepare to say farewell to your pet, remember that your friends and family are available to support and empathize with you as you experience this inevitable point in your life. Your loved ones also love and appreciate your pet and can sympathize with you over their decline.

2. Spend Time Together

Another way you can emotionally prepare for your pet’s death is to spend some quality time with them. They are one of your best friends, so you’ve experienced a lot together! Whether you’ve scaled impressive hiking trails or curled up together on a cloudy day, the bond you share with your pet is irreplaceable. These are memories you will never forget.

There’s also still time to do everything you’ve wanted to do with your companion! Make some memories before they pass by doing things together that you’ve been putting off. You can buy them a fun outfit or make a pet-friendly treat for them. Maybe you’ve always wanted to show them a favorite spot of yours, or you’re looking to introduce them to a friend’s pet.

More than likely, your loved ones have also grown to love and appreciate your pet. They will understand if you want to take time out of your schedule to enjoy your remaining time with them.

3. Plan Your Pet’s Final Days

Enjoying the last special moments with your pet also means taking care of their health. As you come to terms with your pet’s eventual loss of life, consider taking your pet to the vet clinic for a professional opinion. Your veterinarian may give you several options about what to do for your pet moving forward. Remember that you should make the best decision for you, your family, and your pet’s health.

Two common choices that you could be presented with are euthanasia or enjoying the time you have left.

Euthanasia: Some pets pass away from natural causes, but most of the time, it is up to the owner to decide when their quality of life has deteriorated. It’s not an easy choice to make, but it could mean preventing your pet from experiencing further pain.
Enjoy the Time Left: After a checkup, the vet may recommend that you enjoy the time you have left together. It may sound sad, but if there’s nothing you can do now, the best thing may be to show your pet unconditional love and support in their final days.

These three practices won’t take away your grief, but they can help you prepare for the emotional impact your pet’s passing will have on you.

4. Remember You’re Not Alone

People struggle with pet death every day because it’s natural to miss a companion that was with you through thick and thin. The emotions you’re experiencing have been felt by countless pet owners everywhere. Not only can you reach out to family and friends for support, but you can also reach out to other pet owners.

Facebook groups and local support groups are popular ways to connect with others over a shared experience. Online support groups like the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement and Paws Whiskers & Wags are also available.

No one will understand you more than someone else who has lost their animal friend. You can find comfort in other people’s stories because they know exactly what you’re going through. Finding a community of support like this can be so helpful in your upcoming grief journey. Amidst it all, remember that you’re not alone in your grief.

5. Reach Out to a Professional

If you find yourself struggling with pet death, you may want to seek out a grief counselor. Sometimes, processing heavy emotions requires professional guidance.

Grief counselors allow us to talk about our feelings in a healthy way in a neutral space. You can share your experience with your pet and how their impact on your life affected you. A grief counselor can help you form and maintain healthy coping skills as you come to terms with your loss.

To learn more about preparing for the loss of a pet, explore these additional resources.

7 Pet Memorial Options
What You Need to Know About Pet Burial and Cremation
Helping a Friend Grieving the Loss of a Pet
Why Do We Feel the Loss of Pets so Deeply?

Sep 19

Love0

Overhead view of highway with vehicles, surrounded by trees.

What to Do if a Death Occurs Out of Town

By Becca Corbett Educational

In life, we prepare for so many things. We save for vacation, purchase insurance to protect our homes and cars, and go to annual preventative medical exams. But despite all our best efforts, the unexpected can happen, including death away from home. The question is, is your family prepared? Do you and your family know what to do if death occurs away from home? Let’s explore practical steps to guide you through the process of what to do when death occurs out of town.

Step 1: Notify the Necessary People

When someone passes away, the first thing you will need to do is notify the necessary people. With a sudden death, you may need to call the local authorities to let them know a death has occurred. First responders will come to confirm the death, secure the area, and ensure that proper protocols are followed.

Next, depending on the location of the death, you may need to contact two funeral homes: one in the area where the death took place and one back home. If you know that your loved one preplanned their funeral wishes with a specific funeral home, notify them directly. Some funeral homes are willing to travel within a certain radius of their facility. These may be able to send a staff member to collect your loved one and transport them back to the funeral home.

The last calls you need to make are to any next of kin or friends. Don’t feel like you need to call everyone by yourself. Oftentimes, you can ask a few trusted people to help you spread the news, which will remove an emotional task from your shoulders and allow you to focus on other responsibilities.

Step 2: Get a Death Certificate

After you have notified all the necessary people, you will need to address legal matters, such as obtaining a death certificate. Any time someone passes away, a death certificate must be issued by the responsible government office within a certain number of days.

Why would you need a death certificate? To complete funeral plans and close out an estate, you need legal proof that a loved one has died. This is where a death certificate becomes necessary. The death certificate allows you to close accounts, claim benefits, request burial or cremation, and address other legal matters. Also, a death certificate is required to arrange for transportation of the body back home.

However, there are different protocols for applying for a death certificate, depending on the state or country in which the death occurred.

State

Most of the time, the funeral home will assist you in the process of requesting and receiving a death certificate. Some states require embalming for transportation, may charge fees, or could have other regulations in place. Your funeral home will be the best resource for state practices.

Abroad

If a death occurs while you are abroad, the process for obtaining a death certificate could be quite different from the procedures in the U.S., depending on the country. You should notify the U.S. Embassy or consulate in that country, and they can assist you in obtaining the death certificate.

For a full list of embassies around the world and their contact numbers, please visit www.usembassy.gov. Also, for helpful tips from the U.S. State Department on what to do when death occurs abroad, click here.

Step 3: Choose a Disposition

While it may sound odd, choosing a disposition will guide you in making funeral decisions when death occurs away from home. For example, if you choose burial, there will be different transportation requirements than if you select cremation.

Whether you choose burial or cremation, speak with your family members back home and take their thoughts into account. Some people need to physically see that special person one more time, which means burial would be preferred to cremation. On the other hand, cremation may be the disposition type all decision-making survivors agree on. Or you could do a hybrid where the body is transported back home before cremation takes place.

Regardless of which disposition is chosen, any decision will affect how you go about arranging a loved one’s transportation back home. And by consulting family members, you take their emotional needs into account throughout the planning process. Making funeral decisions while away from home is already difficult enough without adding hurt feelings to the mix.

Step 4: Apply for a Burial Transit Permit

After applying for a death certificate and choosing a disposition, the next step is to request a burial transit permit. A burial transit permit, also known as a removal permit or disposition permit, is a legal document required for handling human remains. This document ensures that the remains are handled properly and follow the guidelines set by the state or country.

Like with a death certificate, the protocols may differ depending on where the death occurs. For example, if the death occurred across state lines, the body may need to be embalmed before crossing state lines. No matter what transportation method you choose, you’ll need to obtain a burial transit permit from the health department.

The funeral home is an excellent resource for questions about how to request a burial transit permit and requirements for transporting the body back home.

Step 5: Arrange for Transportation Home

Arranging transportation for your loved one is an important decision because transportation costs will be your responsibility. You have two choices: ground or air transportation.

If you choose ground transportation, you may use a private carrier or even the U.S. Postal Service (if shipping cremated remains). When shipping the body back home (not cremated), embalming may be required by state law. To confirm what is legally necessary, speak with a funeral director at the place of death.

Another option is airline transport. Depending on the airline you choose, there may be additional paperwork needed. Additionally, if the death occurred in a different country, you might need other types of documentation, such as the deceased’s passport. Speak with your specific airline to determine their requirements and regulations. It’s important to gather all necessary paperwork to ensure a smooth transition home for your loved one.

And that’s it! Hopefully, knowing these 5 steps will put you at ease when you travel away from home. However, to make things even easier on your loved ones, there are things you can do ahead of time to prepare for unexpected events.

Preparing in Advance

To make things easier on your family if death occurs away from home, there are some safeguards you can have in place before going out of town.

Preplan for your funeral wishes: By planning your funeral wishes ahead of time, you ensure that your loved ones know exactly what to do in the event of an unexpected death.
Purchase travel protection: Depending on the travel plan you choose, you may have certain expenses covered, such as transporting the body home. If you decide to preplan with a funeral home, talk to their funeral professional to ask about their travel plan options.
Get affairs in order: By getting your affairs in order, you make your wishes regarding your estate and assets known. Information like your Social Security number, mother’s maiden name, and other details are crucial for obtaining a death certificate, closing out accounts, and receiving life insurance policies.

Putting safeguards in place can help take a burden off your family and make things easier when you are gone. However, even with these safeguards in place, the death of a loved one is never easy. Hopefully, you will never be called upon to make funeral arrangements when death occurs away from home. But if the unexpected happens, we hope this information will be a beneficial guide for you through the process of bringing a loved one home.

If you’d like to learn more about preplanning for funeral wishes, please look into these additional resources:

What is Advance Funeral Planning?
How to Get Started With Funeral Preplanning
A Quick Guide to Planning a Funeral

Sep 10

Love0

Four children sitting at a table working on fall crafts

10 Fall Remembrance Crafts for Grieving Kids

By christy.kessler Children, Grief/Loss

When grief comes, it touches every member of the family, children included. And in some ways, children may have a harder time because they haven’t yet learned how to identify their emotions accurately. That’s why they need caring adults around to help them grieve and work through their emotions. If there’s a grieving child in your life this fall, consider using these remembrance crafts to help them talk through their feelings.

1. Memory Box

First, you might consider putting together a memory box. The child can interact with the items regularly and keep the person’s memory alive. You could include clothing, jewelry, photos, or cherished items like a favorite trinket or even a blanket or stuffed animal.

Also, ask the child if there’s anything they’d like to include in the box. They may associate special memories with a certain item that will bring them comfort in the days ahead. And if you’d like to add a creative element, decorate the outside of the box with fall leaves, pumpkins, or other décor that adds a personal touch.

2. Memory Mailbox

With this craft, you create an opportunity for a grieving child to share feelings, ask questions, and write down memories. Get a cardboard box, cereal box, or some other box-type item and decorate the outside. You can use a fall theme (like this turkey box), or you can decorate however you choose.

Once the box is ready, encourage the child to write down questions or their feelings on pieces of paper. It could be as simple as “I miss Gigi” or “Where did Mommy go?” They could also write down their favorite memories or draw pictures. Then, as new pieces of paper are added to the mailbox, choose a time to talk together about these feelings and questions. This practice will give you an opportunity to talk, hear your child’s concerns, and care for their emotions. You could chat every day or once a week – whatever works best for your family.

3. Gratitude Pumpkin

While it may be difficult at first, focusing on gratitude after a loss can help you grieve. The practice of gratitude takes your eyes off the pain and helps you see the good in life. To help a child build resilience after loss, help them look for the good with a gratitude pumpkin.

Either cut out a large pumpkin or many small pumpkins. Then, encourage the child to write down things they are grateful for or miss about the person who has died directly on the pumpkin. If you make many small pumpkins, your child could write a single thought on each one. On the other hand, if you opt for a large pumpkin, they can write many different ideas on it. Either option will work well; simply choose the one you prefer. This intentional gratitude activity will help the child process what they’re feeling while also learning coping tips for how to deal with grief in the future.

4. The Grieving Tree

With this meaningful activity, your child can identify the things they have lost when a loved one died and the things that are still growing. On each leaf-laden branch of the grieving tree, you write seven things that are still growing despite the loved one’s passing. For example, “I trust in your love for me.” And on the ground next to the tree, list five things that have been lost, such as “hugging you” or “singing together.”

With this practice, both you and your child can sit in the loss for a time. While it’s hard to simply be still in the pain, it’s necessary for the healing process. By naming what is still growing and what is lost, you can take thoughts or feelings that seem ever-present and put them into words. For a full list of materials you’ll need, click here.

5. Bracelet or Necklace

Kids often love to create bracelets or necklaces with multi-colored beads. Take that natural interest and turn it into a remembrance craft.

The first step is to get string (or elastic) and a lot of beads. You could get many different colors, sparkling or matte, standard circular or specific shapes like pumpkins, flowers, or hearts. Also, get beads with letters on them. That way, when the grieving child creates the piece of jewelry, they can include the lost loved one’s name or a special message.

Once it’s complete, let the child wear the jewelry as often as they want. Some children may choose to wear it often, while others may place the bracelet/necklace on a favorite stuffed animal or even put it in a memory box.

6. Pumpkin Stress Ball

Some kids are more prone to stress and anxiety than others, especially following a significant loss. They may feel like their ordered world is turned upside down or afraid that something may happen to the other people in their life.

If you have a stressed child in your home, consider creating a pumpkin stress ball. Get some orange balloons and fill them with rice. Once you tie off the balloon, use a black Sharpie to draw silly Jack O’Lantern faces on it. Then, when the child is feeling stressed or anxious, they can give the balloon a squeeze.

7. Photo Frame

Another craft you can introduce is decorating a photo frame. Buy an unadorned frame, pull out the glue gun, and sit down with the grieving child to create a lovely home for a favorite photo. You could use artificial flowers or leaves, buttons, beads, or whatever you want. Depending on the child’s age, it might be best for the adult to handle the glue gun, but under the child’s creative direction, of course.

Once the frame is complete, add a photo and place the frame in a place where the child can see and interact with it regularly. The creative action of decorating the frame is healing but having the photo nearby will keep the process going.

8. Drawing

Perhaps the simplest craft is to allow kids to draw whatever is on their minds. All you have to do is provide all the appropriate materials: construction paper, white paper, pens, pencils, markers, etc. Then, give the grieving child a prompt, like “Let’s draw a picture of your favorite thing about Grandpa.” After that, the child’s creativity will take over.

You can join the child and make your own picture, talking together and each sharing special memories. Speaking about the person who has died will help the child understand that it’s okay to talk about the person (it’s not taboo), and it will give you an opportunity to share your own memories and grief. Children learn by example, so seeing you talk about your feelings will teach them to talk about theirs.

9. Flower Bouquet

Another craft to consider is creating a flower bouquet. You can go to the store to purchase artificial flowers and then work with the child to create a unique arrangement. Once the bouquet is complete, go to the graveside together and leave the flowers at your loved one’s final resting place.

Also, you can create a floral arrangement for every season. For fall, you might choose to focus on poinsettias, black-eyed susans, or other flowers that are in shades of yellow, orange, or cream that align with the season. You can even add a few tiny pumpkins or Halloween embellishments. Let the grieving child use their imagination to create something beautiful.

10. Journal

And lastly, for some children, expression through words is powerful. By creating a journal, you can bring together two kinds of creative expression: art and words. Encourage the child to write or draw in it as often they want. And if they need a new journal at some point, you can make another one together.

You can make this craft as simple or complex as you wish. For something simple, pull out two sturdy pieces of paper (construction paper or cardstock possibly) to act as the front and back cover. You could use orange paper for a fall twist! Ask the child to decorate both pages with pens, markers, paints – whatever they want. Then, get a stack of wide-ruled paper to act as the interior pages. Staple is all together, and voila! You have a homemade journal.

Many of these crafts can be used any time of year, but with a few tiny adjustments, you can tailor them to fit the season you’re in. With fall, steer toward yellows and oranges or pumpkins and corn. But no matter when you choose to implement these craft ideas, they can be an outlet that brings hope, healing, and remembrance.

Jul 14

Love0

Man placing white rose reverently on top of casket

A Quick Guide to Planning a Funeral

By christy.kessler Explore Options, Planning Tools

Before we start, if you have recently lost a loved one, you have our sincerest sympathies. It is our hope that this quick guide to planning a funeral will help you navigate through the complex process of planning a funeral for a loved one. You will find accurate, up-to-date, and helpful links and information on a variety of topics. Let’s get started!

The “Why” of Funerals

To start off, it’s important to note that in today’s world many people miss out on the purpose and value of a funeral. But saying goodbye in a meaningful way is just as important today as it was thousands of years ago. Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected grief expert who has counseled thousands of families, teaches that the funeral is an important rite of passage and “puts you on the path to good grief and healthy mourning.” To learn more about why funerals are important, take a look at the articles below.

Do Funerals Still Matter?

Why Does the Funeral Matter?

Should a Funeral Be Efficient or Effective?

The 6 Purposes of a Funeral

Final Disposition Options

Nowadays, your options for final disposition (or a final resting place) continue to expand. Please take a moment to read the articles below to help you decide which option is most appropriate for your needs.

Burial FAQs: What Are Your Burial Options?

Answering Your Green Burial Questions

5 Questions to Ask When Selecting a Casket

What Should I Know When Considering Cremation?

Urn Burial: Understanding the Basics

The Elements of a Meaningful Funeral Service

“People who take the time and make the effort to create meaningful funeral arrangements when someone loved dies often end up making new arrangements in their own lives. They remember and reconnect with what is most meaningful to them in life…strengthen bonds with family members and friends. They emerge changed, more authentic and purposeful. The best funerals remind us how we should live.” – Dr. Alan Wolfelt

In order for a funeral service to be a healing and meaningful experience, there are several tried and true elements that you should consider incorporating.

Element #1: Music

Let’s discuss music. It sets the mood for a funeral and brings emotions to the forefront. In fact, one of the purposes of a funeral is to allow mourners to grieve together, and in many ways, music says what words cannot. Don’t be afraid to invite people to express grief. Consider using music that was significant to the lost loved one. What was their favorite genre of music? Did they have a favorite artist or song?

Why Include Special Music in a Funeral Ceremony?

How to Personalize Music at a Funeral

Setting the Tone for a Service: A Collection of Funeral Songs

Element #2: Readings

Readings add another facet to a meaningful funeral. They are a way to not only invite mourners to express their emotions, but readings can bring to life the unique spirit of the one who has died. Did they have a favorite book? Poem? Were they a person of faith who would want passages read?

How do Readings Enhance the Funeral Experience?

How to Personalize Readings at a Funeral

10 Literary Readings for Any Type of Funeral

Top 10 Poems for a Funeral Ceremony

Top 10 Bible Verses for a Celebration of Life Service

Element #3: Viewing/Visitation

The viewing or visitation is a time for family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors to gather and express support and sympathy. The viewing is an opportunity for mourners to see the special person one last time and begin to acknowledge the reality of the death. For many, it is important to physically see the body, and the viewing offers this opportunity. A visitation, which can be paired with a viewing, provides mourners with an opportunity to offer their support and condolences to the grieving family.

Viewing vs. Visitation: What’s the Difference?

How to Personalize the Visitation at a Funeral

3 Reasons to Have a Visitation

Element #4: Eulogy/Remembrance

Fourth, the eulogy may be the single most important aspect of a funeral service. It is the time to acknowledge and affirm the significance of the life lived. With that in mind, take time to share treasured memories, quotes, or even the lost loved one’s favorite jokes. The eulogy, sometimes called the “remembrance” or the “homily,” can be delivered by a clergy person, a family member, or even by a series of people.

8 Tips for Crafting a Eulogy

How to Personalize the Eulogy at a Funeral

11 Mistakes to Avoid When Writing a Eulogy

5 Steps for Writing a Personalized Eulogy with AI

Element #5: Symbols

Symbols, or symbolic acts, offer a focus point for the bereaved as well as a sense of comfort. Common symbols are a cross (or another appropriate religious symbol), flowers, and candles. For example, the act of lighting a candle, planting a memorial tree, and wearing dark clothing are all symbols we utilize.

The Importance of Symbols

How to Personalize Symbols at a Funeral

Element #6: Gathering

The gathering is an opportunity for friends and family to come together after the funeral service to share stories and to support each other. For more benefits of a gathering, take a few moments to read the article below.

What is the Purpose of a Gathering?

How to Personalize the Gathering at a Funeral

Element #7: Actions

By inviting others into action at the funeral service, you engage mourners and invite them to put their grief into motion. Simply put, mourning is the outward expression of our inward grief, so to move others toward healing, it is important to invite them to act.

How Do Actions Help us Heal?

5 Meaningful Actions to Personalize a Funeral

How to Personalize Healing Actions at a Funeral

Choosing a Memorial Service

Some families decide that a memorial service is a more appropriate tribute for their lost loved one. In short, the main difference between a funeral service and a memorial service is the absence of the body. All the other elements of a meaningful and healing service can be incorporated into a memorial service.

7 Tips for Planning a Memorial Service

What’s the Difference Between a Funeral and Memorial Service?

Personalization is Key

Whether you have a funeral service or a memorial service, the event will be more meaningful if it is personalized. By personalizing the service, you honor the unique life of your lost loved one. Moreover, the possibilities for personalization are endless. For a few ideas, read the articles below.

10 Ideas for Making a Funeral More Personal

Practical Ways to Personalize the 7 Elements of a Funeral

How to Personalize the Location of a Funeral

6 Ways to Personalize a Casket

Using Color to Personalize a Service

10 Ways to Use Photos to Personalize a Service

Funeral Procession

Accompanying the body to its final resting place is a time-honored tradition. If your family chooses to continue the tradition, the procession is a way for family, friends, and people in the community driving along the road to acknowledge the value of life and show respect for the one who has died.

What is the Purpose of a Funeral Procession?

Deciding on a Grave Marker

Placing a marker of some kind on a final resting place is important. Not only does it identify the person laid to rest, but it also gives the living a place to go should they desire to visit or mourn the lost loved one.

Quick Guide: Selecting and Installing a Grave Marker

What Should I Write on a Headstone?

6 Ways to Personalize a Memorial Marker

Sympathy Gifts

Sympathy gifts are a thoughtful way for mourners to express their support and condolences to the family of the lost loved one. Flowers have historically been a popular sympathy gift as have meal trains. However, in recent years, donations in memoriam to a favorite charity have risen in popularity.

10 Caring and Creative Sympathy Gifts

Sympathy Gifts You Can Mail

Funeral Etiquette: “In Lieu of Flowers” and Donations

Meal Train Etiquette: Tips for Bringing Food to the Grieving

Writing a Touching Obituary

One of the first things you will do after a loved one dies is write an obituary. You don’t have to be a great writer to beautifully express your love for someone you have lost. To that end, even as you include the expected details, consider how you might add little touches that reflect the individuality of the life lived.

How to Write a Great Obituary

5 Practical Obituary Writing Tips

Writing an Obituary with AI: Dos and Don’ts

Burial Benefits for Veterans

If your lost loved one is a veteran of the Armed Forces, he/she may be eligible for certain burial benefits through the Department of Veterans Affairs. Therefore, you might consider looking into these benefits to see if any of them are beneficial to you and your family.

5 Key Veteran Burial Benefits You Should Know

Top 4 Misunderstandings Around Veterans’ Burial Benefits

Veterans’ Burial Benefits Checklist

Resources for Advance Funeral Planning

Finally, if you are interested in making your own funeral prearrangement plan in advance, or are curious about why you should do so, take a moment to review the articles below.

What to Expect at a Preplanning Appointment

6 Ways You Can Save Money with Funeral Preplanning & Prefunding

How to Get Started with Funeral Preplanning

5 Emotional Benefits to Funeral Preplanning

How Preplanning Eases Emotional, Financial & Legal Burdens After a Death

Hopefully you have found all the information you need in this guide to planning a funeral. If you have additional questions, reach out to your preferred funeral home and speak with a funeral director. They can ensure that your questions and concerns are addressed quickly and accurately.

Jul 12

Love0

Wooden urn with cross on top, surrounded by purple flowers

Water-Based & Flame-Based Cremation: What’s the Difference?

By christy.kessler Cremation, Explore Options, Plan Ahead

For decades, flame-based cremation has been the norm across the country, but in recent years, a new form of cremation has begun to spread – water-based cremation. With this new option, you may have questions. How does water-based cremation work? How is it different from flame-based cremation? Is there a cost difference? What about the environmental impact? Today, let’s discuss the key differences between these two forms of cremation so you feel better prepared to make decisions when the time comes.

Let’s Define Both Forms of Cremation

In general, cremation is the process of breaking down the soft tissue of the body, leaving behind only the skeleton. This remaining bone is then processed through specialized equipment that creates a fine consistency commonly called “ashes” (or “cremains”). Regardless of which form of cremation is chosen, the end result is that a loved one’s ashes will be returned to the family with respect and dignity.

Flame-Based Cremation

Also called “fire cremation,” “traditional cremation,” or just “cremation,” flame-based cremation uses heat and direct flame to reduce the body to ashes. The body is placed in a cremation retort where natural gases, such as propane or butane, are used to burn the body for approximately 2-4 hours.

Temperatures often reach 1,400-1,800 degrees Fahrenheit, and the crematory operator may use a long shovel to reposition the body throughout the cremation process. This repositioning ensures that the body reduces more quickly.

Once the cremation process is complete, the remaining bone is removed from the cremation retort and processed into ashes using a cremulator. The ashes are then returned to the family, who can have a memorial service, place the ashes in a final resting place, or take them home.

Water-Based Cremation

Water-based cremation also goes by other names, such as “water cremation,” “aquamation,” “alkaline hydrolysis,” or “bio-cremation.” Water cremation uses a combination of water and alkali salts in conjunction with low heat to reduce the human body to bone.

To begin, the body is placed in a completely sealed chamber. Then, approximately 27 gallons (100 liters) of water and a small amount of alkaline chemicals are used to fill the chamber. Once filled, the chamber is gently heated (200-350 degrees Fahrenheit) and agitated to encourage decomposition. Over the next 4-16 hours, the soft tissue of the body is dissolved and all that remains is bone. (The range of 4-16 hours depends on the temperature and pressure used by the crematory operator.)

As with flame-based cremation, the bones are then finely processed into ashes and returned to the family. The remaining liquid byproduct is sterile, so it can be discarded easily and safely.

Next, Let’s Talk about Environmental Impact

As with any form of final disposition (burial, water cremation, fire cremation, burial at sea, etc.), there’s going to be some form of impact on the environment.

Flame-Based Cremation & the Environment

Between the two, flame-based cremation does impact the environment more. The use of larger amounts of propane/butane to achieve high heat releases carbon dioxide into the environment. Also, other pollutants, like the mercury from dental fillings, can contaminate the air. While newer technologies and facilities have been put in place to capture and filter out mercury, it’s still possible that emissions will occur.

One way to reduce the emissions released by flame-based cremation is to use an alternative container (made of cardboard) instead of a casket during the cremation process. It takes more energy and fuel to burn the casket in comparison to an alternative container. To learn more about cremation caskets, read “A Quick Guide to Cremation Caskets.”

Water-Based Cremation & the Environment

With water-based cremation, greenhouse gases are still released into the environment, but on a smaller scale. By using less energy and lower temperatures, water cremation produces fewer of these types of emissions. Additionally, there’s no risk that pollutants will be released into the atmosphere. For example, the alkaline mixture effectively neutralizes and captures any mercury present in the body. Also, medical implants can be recycled, when possible.

Now that you have a better understanding of each cremation process and its individual impact on the environment, let’s talk through several other differences.

Is there a Cost Difference?

Yes, there is a cost difference. At this time, fire cremation is generally more affordable because many funeral homes already have access to the equipment and infrastructure needed. Because water-based cremation takes longer and requires equipment that may not be readily available in your area, it typically costs more.

In the coming years, as water cremation becomes more accessible, the cost may align more closely with flame cremation. If you are interested in water cremation, speak with your preferred funeral home. You can compare the costs of the two types before choosing how you’d like to proceed.

What Alkaline Chemicals are Used in Water Cremation?

The solution used is water (95%) blended with an alkali solution of potassium hydroxide and/or sodium hydroxide. Potassium hydroxide and sodium hydroxide accelerate the natural decomposition process that would occur in soil over many years.

Is there a Difference in the Ashes Received by the Family?

There is! With flame-based cremation, ashes are often gray or gray-white in color, coarser to the touch, and may contain visible bone fragments. The intense heat causes chemical changes in the bone’s composition, which results in the gray color and coarse texture.

Due to the lower temperatures and alkaline solution used, the bone goes through a more consistent breakdown with water cremation. Consequently, the ashes are whiter in color and smoother in texture.

Despite the visual differences, both types of ashes are composed of the same material: calcium phosphate. The fundamental composition is so similar that both types of remains can be handled, stored, and memorialized in identical ways.

What is the Availability for Each Form of Cremation?

Flame-based cremation has been an accepted practice for many years and is readily accessible and available in all states. On the other hand, water cremation is relatively new and not available in all states. However, given time, water cremation may become as prevalent as fire cremation. Click here to learn your state’s stance on water cremation.

What’s Next?

Now that you understand the differences, the next questions to ask yourself are: What’s my preference? Is it available at my preferred funeral home or in my state/area?

The best person to help you understand your local options is your trusted funeral professional! Both cremation methods come with pros and cons, and meeting with a funeral professional can make all the difference. They can help you evaluate and understand the choices available so you can make an informed decision that aligns with your values and meets your needs.

Jun 03

Love0

Woman wearing black clothing holding bouquet of white chrysanthemums

Funeral Flowers Around the World

By christy.kessler Educational, Grief/Loss, Memorial

For millennia, flowers have been a universal representation of love, life, and loss. In many cultures, funeral flowers carry deep-rooted and cherished significance. They create a soothing atmosphere, evoke positive emotions, create connections, and convey messages of love and support. Today, let’s discuss several prominent funeral flowers around the world and why they may be more culturally significant in one area of the world than another.

White lily on black background

White Lilies

In many cultures, the white lily is commonly used for funerals. These trumpet-shaped blooms represent purity, innocence, peace, and the resurrection of the soul. Because of their close association with the soul, white lilies are often seen at religious ceremonies and other commemorative events in Western, Latin American, and Asian cultures. A traditional choice for funerals since ancient times, the lily is fitting for a time of reflection and mourning.

Bouquet of red roses with glimpse of green stems

Roses

Roses are practically synonymous with profound love. In Latin American and Western cultures, any color rose can be offered as a remembrance after a loved one’s death, though red and white are perhaps the most common. However, in some Asian cultures, the color red represents celebration and happiness, and because of that, red roses are inappropriate for a funeral. They use white instead for its connection to purity and reverence.

Marigolds in clay vase against wooden wall

Marigold (Cempoalxochitl)

Perhaps most well-known for its use during Dia de Los Muertos in Mexico, the marigold is considered the “flower of the dead.” Its color and fragrance are thought to guide the souls of the deceased back to the world of the living, where family and friends leave offerings to pay their respects. The bright, cheery color celebrates life instead of focusing on the bitterness of death. Additionally, the marigold is essential to Hindu funerals because it symbolizes the cycle of life and death, guiding the soul to its next incarnation.

Woman wearing black clothing holding bouquet of white chrysanthemums

Chrysanthemum

In many Asian cultures, the lovely chrysanthemum is closely associated with death and funerals. These delicate plants convey grief, lamentation, respect for the deceased, and condolence for the family. White and yellow are considered the most suitable colors. The chrysanthemum may also be used in Western culture funerals, though there’s less emphasis on specific colors. Instead, you can include chrysanthemums of any shade at a loved one’s final tribute.

Jasmine

While flowers are used more sparingly in Middle Eastern funerals, jasmine and white lilies are often considered acceptable choices. Jasmine is associated with death, remembrance, spiritual realms, and the afterlife. Some families may use the strong, sweet fragrance to scent their homes. Other families will leave the flowers at the grave to offer respect to the departed. Middle Eastern cultures often focus more on spiritual connection through prayers, but there is still room for personal expression through floral arrangements.

Lei

Hawaii is well-known for its use of the lei for many occasions. One of these occasions is the funeral, where the lei is used to express condolences and respect for the deceased and their family. In Hawaii, the lei represents love, respect, and the circle of life and may be worn by guests, draped over photos or the casket/urn, or set out to decorate the funeral service area. In some cases, the lei may be thrown out into the ocean, symbolizing the release of a loved one’s spirit. Various types of leis can be used, including maile, ti leaf, and orchid leis.

King Protea

The national flower of South Africa, the King Protea symbolizes strength, resilience, and the enduring nature of life. The flower’s ability to survive harsh conditions created a cultural connection to overcoming adversity and embracing the future. Because of its deep roots in South African culture, the artichoke-like flower is often used at funerals. It gives mourners a way to express their love and care for a lost loved one in a way that is uniquely suited to South African traditions.

Flowers are used all over the world to convey sympathy, respect, and remembrance. If you are selecting flowers for a culture that is not your own, consider asking which flowers would be appropriate. For example, flowers are not part of the Jewish funeral tradition. Because of that, they wouldn’t be the best choice for paying respects and supporting the grieving family. When in doubt, ask someone who knows, like a family member, friend, or even the funeral director.

If you’d like to learn more about funeral flowers, check out 7 Popular Sympathy Flowers and Their Meanings and Gifting Sympathy Flowers: A Practice that Goes Back Millennia.

May 23

Love0

5 Ways to Support a Grieving Dad on Father’s Day

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss, Helping a Friend in Grief, Seasonal

While every day after the loss of a loved one can be hard, it’s the special days and holidays that present a unique struggle. For dads who have lost a child, Father’s Day can be especially difficult. While men are stereotypically and societally encouraged to bottle their emotions and “be strong,” this attitude really isn’t helpful in life or on the grief journey. In fact, it can be detrimental. So, even if a grieving dad seems okay, grief can surge on a day centered around parent-child relationships, and many dads may struggle with expressing themselves or allowing their grief to be seen.

If you know a dad who has experienced child loss, here are a few ways you can support him on Father’s Day:

1. Encourage him to express himself

Man walking alone outside on a paved walkway with trees and green grass

Sometimes, getting a man to talk about his feelings is difficult. The stiff-upper-lip, “men don’t cry” mentality has so deeply permeated their sense of self that it feels awkward and uncomfortable to share what they are thinking and feeling. Despite that, encourage grieving dads to express what’s on their mind and heart.

If they can’t speak it out loud to another person, maybe they can write it down on paper, visit the child’s final resting place, or take a walk alone and speak aloud to themselves or to God. Getting those emotions – both positive and negative – outside of self is a necessary and helpful part of the grieving process.

2. Invite him out for a break

Three men out to dinner on Father's Day

Some dads may throw themselves back into work and routine as a means of moving forward after the loss of a child. This action not only keeps them busy, but it may also provide a way to avoid facing the grief they feel. While routine is good and financially taking care of your living family members is necessary, it’s not a replacement for doing the work of grief.

If you are close to a grieving dad, encourage him to take a break. He’s probably been running himself ragged, trying to keep his personal, professional, and emotional lives in balance. Invite him out for a round of pool, trivia night, dinner and a movie, or whatever suits his interests. Finding something positive to do on Father’s Day may add a little sunshine to an otherwise difficult day.

(Note: You could invite him out the day before or after Father’s Day if he’d prefer to spend the actual day with his family.)

3. Acknowledge that he’s a dad

Three generations of a family; grandfather, father, uncle, and son; Father's Day

If a dad has lost his only child or the baby died before birth or soon after, he is still a dad! He still loves his child, his fatherly role is still part of his identity, and his child’s memory lives on. Acknowledging that he was a great dad and his child’s life mattered can be a huge encouragement.

When you talk to him, whether in person, over the phone, or through text, don’t avoid mentioning Father’s Day, his child, or his life as a dad. By remembering him and his identity as a father, you can show him that you care and that he and his child are not forgotten.

4. Provide practical support

Two men working on a lawn mower; friend offering practical help

While sympathy flowers and other gifts are nice, sometimes what grieving people really need is practical support. Many dads may feel the need to immediately take on their usual household tasks and even add extra things to the to-do list, which may leave them feeling overwhelmed.

By offering practical help, you can alleviate some of that burden. Every family divvies up chores and responsibilities differently, but here are a few examples. Does the lawn need to be mowed and the bushes trimmed? Offer to do one while he does the other. Does the garage need to be organized or the car’s oil changed? Suggest that you take a couple of these responsibilities off his plate to allow him time to spend with his family or to simply rest. No matter how small it may seem, this practical support can make a big difference.

5. Call, text, or send a card

Man talking on phone to a grieving friend; wife sitting on couch in background

Another way to support your grieving friend is to call him, text him, or send him a thoughtful Father’s Day card. These options are especially helpful if you can’t be with him in person or if he wishes to spend the day alone or only with family. You can share stories or memories of his child, mention the child by name, ask how he’s doing, and let him know that you’re thinking of him. Most importantly, avoid cliches and platitudes that do more harm than good.

If you send a text, consider adding “No need to respond” to your message. Texts come with a lot of pressure for a quick response, and this small addition takes the pressure off and allows him to respond if he’s up to it. He’ll still know you’re thinking of him on what is likely a difficult day.

No matter what you decide to do to support your grieving friend, listen to his needs and respect them. He may accept what you’re offering, and he may not. Don’t take it personally. Even if he just wants to be alone on Father’s Day, knowing you cared enough to check on him will bring comfort and make him feel seen.

May 11

Love0

Elderly mother and adult daughter with hands on mother's heart

6 Ways Hospice Care Can Improve Quality of Life

By christy.kessler Educational, Hospice

If you have been diagnosed with a terminal illness, choosing hospice care may feel like giving up. But in so many ways, it’s not about giving up; it’s about taking back control and improving quality of life so that the final days are the best they can possibly be – for you and your loved ones.

Research shows that hospice care not only improves quality of life, but it also extends the length of life. In two separate studies, results found that patients who received hospice care lived 1-3 months longer, felt happier, and were more mobile. But how does hospice care do that? What services do hospice workers provide that improve quality of life? Let’s talk about it.

6 Ways Hospice Care Can Improve Quality of Life

Older woman in wheelchair sitting outside with hospice nurse, taking medication and enjoying outdoors

1. Symptom Management

The first focus of hospice care is pain and symptom management. Pain negatively affects quality of life, so if you can manage it, quality of life goes up quickly. Hospice teams are skilled in managing pain through medication, physical therapy, as well as other techniques. Regular visits from the hospice team will not only keep any discomfort down, but they also often prevent the need for emergency hospital visits. This means you can rest more fully and stay in the comfort of your own home.

2. Emotional & Spiritual Support

In addition to addressing physical needs, hospice care also provides resources for emotional and spiritual support. As human beings, we are so much more than a body – we are spiritual, emotional, and psychological. When you request hospice care, you gain access to chaplains and other advisors who are available to help you and your family cope with the challenges of a terminal illness and the grief that comes along with it. This form of counseling can reduce stress, anxiety, and emotional pain, leading to a better quality of life.

3. Education on What to Expect

For so many of us, the unknown is daunting and scary, which can cause some unpleasant emotions like fear or anxiety. But by learning what to expect, you can take some of the fear out of a difficult situation. If you’d like, the hospice care team is available to help you understand disease progression and what to expect in the coming months. This knowledge will help you process what’s happening to your body and prepare for what’s to come. Though it seems counterintuitive, having this information can reduce the stress you feel and improve overall quality of life.

4. Practical, At-Home Assistance

When you’re not feeling well, the practical, day-to-day tasks can sometimes become much harder to accomplish. The hospice care team can ensure that you and your home continue to be cared for throughout your illness. They will assist with your personal care (hygiene, baths), household tasks (preparing meals, cleaning), and if you’d like, they can also assist with financial planning or advance funeral planning. By allowing the hospice team to take care of the practical things, your ability to remain at home increases, and being in a comfortable, familiar place improves quality of life.

5. Support for Caregiving Relatives

In addition to a hospice care team, you may also have close family members acting as caregivers during your illness. These loving caregivers also administer medication, help with personal care, and take care of the home. But sometimes, caregiving can be overwhelming, and family caregivers may need a break. That’s completely normal and expected. When you sign up for hospice care, respite care becomes an option for caregivers. This short-term assistance gives caregivers a few days to recharge or take care of their own personal needs. When your caregivers feel refreshed, your quality of life improves, too.

6. More Family Time

The more hands you have helping, the more time you have for other things. If your loved ones are acting as your sole caregivers, they may feel torn between taking care of the daily necessities and simply sitting with you and absorbing every minute. With a hospice team on your side, your caregiving family members don’t have as many responsibilities. This means you can spend more time just being together, which is something all of you need during this time of illness and transition. No one ever wishes they’d spent more time working – they wish they’d spent more time with family and the people who matter most.

As you can see, hospice care looks at the whole person – physical, spiritual, emotional, mental. And by offering a variety of services, hospice care workers not only improve your quality of life, but they also assist you and those closest to you with deep compassion and kindness.

For more information about hospice care, check out these resources:

Understanding the 7 Basics Hospice Services
Who Qualifies for Hospice Care?
Deciding How to Pay for Hospice Care
Do You Know the Four Levels of Hospice Care?
4 Places Where You Can Receive Hospice Care
The Ins and Outs of Hospice Respite Care
6 Signs that It’s Time to Consider Hospice Care

May 01

Love0

bouquet of flowers with a Mother's Day card sticking out of the top

How to Support a Grieving Mom on Mother’s Day

By Courtney Cook Grief/Loss, Helping a Friend in Grief, Seasonal

After the loss of a loved one, special days and holidays present a unique struggle for the grieving. For mothers who have lost a child, Mother’s Day can be especially difficult. Grief can surge on a day centered around parent-child relationships, and many moms also struggle with feeling unseen or forgotten after the loss of their child.

If you know a mom who has experienced child loss, here are a few ways you can support her on Mother’s Day:

Talk to her ahead of time

One of the best ways for someone to cope with a potentially triggering holiday is to make a plan beforehand. Some moms may want to ignore the day, while others may want to use it to honor their child’s memory.

If you are a close friend or family member, talk to the grieving mom about her feelings. Ask what she would prefer to do on Mother’s Day and how you can help. Listen to her needs, and if she’s unsure what she wants, come up with a few ideas and get her thoughts on them.

Acknowledge that she’s a mom

women comforting each other

If a mother has lost her only child or lost her baby before birth, she is still a mom! She still loves her child, her role as a mom is still part of her identity, and her child’s memory lives on. Simply acknowledging that she is a mom and that her child’s life mattered can be a huge encouragement.

When you talk to her, whether in person, over the phone, or through text, don’t avoid mentioning Mother’s Day, her child, or her life as a mom. Simply emphasize that she is a mom and always will be and that you’re thinking of her. If you’re unsure what to say, click here to see what grieving moms have said was most encouraging to them.

Don’t avoid talking about her child

Two friends sitting on a couch drinking coffee and talking

Many people avoid talking about a bereaved mother’s child, afraid of bringing their grief to the surface or hurting them. But for many grieving mothers, hearing others talk about their child reminds them of the positive impact their child made and keeps the child’s memory alive.

As you speak with your grieving friend on Mother’s Day, take your cues from her. If the grief is still very fresh, she may not wish to talk about her child. But allow her to talk about her child if she wishes, and don’t feel uncomfortable as she shares. You can also mention her child by name and share a favorite memory, letting her know she’s not the only one who still cares about and remembers her baby.

Provide practical support

person vacuuming a rug

While flowers and other gifts are nice, sometimes what grieving people really need is practical support. Many moms take on household chores like cleaning and cooking, and those extra tasks can leave them feeling overwhelmed when they’re grieving.

By offering practical help, you can take one thing off her mind. You could take care of her least favorite chores, provide meals, pick up groceries, or mow the lawn. If she has other children, offer to watch them so she can spend time taking care of herself. You could also consider asking if there are any big projects she’s been putting off that you can help with. No matter how small it may seem, this practical support can make a big difference.

Spend quality time with her

Three women at a spa holding cucumbers over their eyes

On a day like Mother’s Day, it can be easy for a grieving mom to feel lonely or isolated, but quality time with someone who cares can provide comfort. Invite her out to brunch. Set up a spa day with her and some of her best friends. Go on a hike in her favorite place. Spend time with her doing her favorite things and encourage her to take care of herself.

As you spend time with her, let her know that you’re willing to talk as little or as much as she wants about her loss. Give her space to express her emotions. If she wants to talk about her child, swap stories and memories or listen with compassion and empathy. If she wants a distraction instead, talk about other things. Just remember to put her and her needs first and be respectful of her wishes.

Call, text, or send a card

bouquet of flowers with a Mother's Day card sticking out of the top

Another way to support your grieving friend if you cannot be with her or she wishes to be by herself is to call her, text her, or send her a thoughtful Mother’s Day card. You can share stories or memories of her child, mention them by name, ask how she’s doing, and let her know that you’re thinking of her. Most importantly, avoid cliches and platitudes that do more harm than good.

If you send a text, consider adding “No need to respond” to your message. Texts come with a lot of pressure for a quick response, and this small addition takes the pressure off her and allows her to respond if she’s up to it. She’ll still know you’re thinking of her on what is likely a difficult day.

Above all, listen to the grieving mother’s needs and respect them. Even if she wants to be alone on Mother’s Day, knowing you cared enough to check on her will bring comfort. Let her know you are thinking of her, and continue to support her as she continues her grief journey.

Apr 20

Love0

Two people clasping hands in comfort and grief

Grieving the “Firsts” After a Loss

By christy.kessler AfterCare, Grief/Loss

The first year without a loved one can be very difficult, especially as precious milestones approach. The first Valentine’s Day without them. First birthday. Christmas. The anniversary of their passing. Each of these “firsts” will be difficult in its own way.

Two people clasping hands in comfort and grief

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a noted grief counselor, author, and educator, affirms that our grief journeys are as unique as we are. “In life, everyone grieves. But their grief journeys are never the same. Despite what you may hear, you will do the work of mourning in your own special way. Be careful about comparing your experience with that of other people. Also, do not adopt assumptions about how long your grief should last. Just consider taking a ‘one-day-at-a-time’ approach. Doing so allows you to mourn at your own pace.”

If you are facing the “firsts” after the loss of a loved one, here are a few ideas to help you navigate through the emotional days ahead.

1. Plan ahead if you can.

As a special day or milestone approaches, consider what you will need to get through the day. Plan ahead and decide if you need to take the day off to rest and reflect. You may also wish to do something special or meaningful to honor your loved one’s memory. Or you may want to go to a special place or gather with certain people on that day. A little advance planning can make the day more peaceful and contemplative.

2. Find a way to celebrate and remember your lost loved one.

The hardest part about a day that is special to you is if no one else seems to remember. No matter what the particular day may be, if it’s significant to you and your lost loved one, do something to remember, to celebrate, to commemorate, to honor.

Take flowers to the gravesite, look through old photos and videos, light a candle, or write a letter. At Thanksgiving or Christmas, you can serve their favorite dish and start calling it by their name – Nana’s mashed potatoes or Joe’s green bean casserole. You can also sing your loved one’s favorite Christmas carols or put a remembrance ornament on your tree. All of these are simple ways to express your grief outwardly. The outward expression of grief will help bring peace and healing on a difficult day.

3. Reinvent the day and bring hope to a day of sadness.

Another option is to reinvent the days that bring you pain. For example, on the anniversary of your loved one’s death, do something that would have delighted them. If they loved to fish, maybe you and your family could spend a day at the lake, taking time to share cherished stories. On your first Valentine’s Day without your loved one, you might treat yourself to a dinner out or eat a meal with others who have lost a significant other.

This same principle can be applied to any special day. Look for ways to reinvent the day and make it something new, something meaningful and healing, something intentional and beautiful. Changing routines and focusing on what brings you joy and peace, even temporarily, can help you get through a difficult day or season.

4. Give back to meaningful causes.

As part of their grief journey, some people choose to run a fundraiser via social media supporting a cause that helped their loved one, such as the Alzheimer’s Association, the American Cancer Society, nonprofit hospitals, or other significant causes.

If your loved one adored animals, you may decide to give a donation in their name to a local rescue. Another idea would be to volunteer your time at a non-profit that cares for animals. If they valued children, give back to local or international programs that focus on assisting kids. You may even sign up for a race or a walk that raises funds for a special cause.

Some people become so passionate about a cause after losing a loved one that they establish their own non-profit organizations in memory of the person who died. Whatever you decide to do, giving back is one way you can pay it forward to others and carry on your loved one’s legacy. Though your loved one is gone, their legacy lives on through you.

Healing Traditions Bring Hope and Reconciliation

The possibilities for honoring a loved one on a special day are virtually endless. It all depends on what speaks to you. What makes you feel close to the one you have lost? What were their favorite things? Once you discover what comforts your heart, do it year after year, until it’s either a beloved tradition or you feel that you can stop. As Dr. Wolfelt assures us, each grief journey is different. No two are the same. Do what works for you and brings you peace.

In truth, we never really get over our grief; we become reconciled to it. We find a new way to live because the old way is gone forever. As Dr. Wolfelt puts it, “You will find that as you achieve reconciliation, the sharp, ever-present pain of grief will give rise to a renewed sense of meaning and purpose. Your feelings of loss will not completely disappear, yet they will soften, and the intense pangs of grief will become less frequent. Hope for a continued life will emerge as you are able to make commitments to the future, realizing that the person you have given love to and received love from will never be forgotten. The unfolding of this journey is not intended to create a return to an ‘old normal’ but the discovery of a ‘new normal.’”

In time, you will find your “new normal.” But for now, grieve. Cry. Remember. And eventually, if you allow it, reconciliation will come. May you find the peace and reconciliation you are seeking.