Grief/Loss Archives - Page 2 of 17

Aug 15

7 Popular Sympathy Flowers and Their Meanings

By Courtney Cook Helping a Friend in Grief, Meaningful Funerals

When someone you know loses a loved one, how can you support them and share your condolences? Sympathy flowers are a great way to show support to a grieving family. As Dr. Alan Wolfelt tells us, symbols such as flowers convey love and help us express our emotions.

For centuries, people have assigned symbolic meanings to flowers. While the general message of a sympathy flower will be understood in any context, individual types of flowers can communicate slightly different meanings. For this reason, we’ve decided to explore the meanings of seven of the most popular types of funeral flowers.

1. Lilies

group of white lilies

This lovely flower usually blooms in summer and is often interpreted as a symbol of renewal and rebirth. The lily can be a powerful symbol of a loved one’s spirit, offering hope and encouragement to a grieving family.

The idea of rebirth and renewal is particularly applicable for people of faith who believe they’ll someday be reunited with their loved one. The white color of the lily also carries associations with purity and youth, making it a good choice for someone who died at a young age.

2. Roses

large blooming yellow rose next to three yellow buds

This enormously popular flower has very different meanings associated with different colors. Like the lily, white roses represent purity and innocence. Pink and peach roses represent sincerity and gratitude. You could give them to a family whose loved one was a blessing in your life. The yellow rose is a symbol of friendship that expresses your support. All these colors of roses make great sympathy gifts for a grieving family.

3. Carnations

White carnations on a table

The carnation is a symbol of love. Some people believe that the word “carnation” came from “incarnation,” the Latin word that refers to God in the flesh. With this in mind, you can give a carnation as a gift to a family to honor a life that reflected the spirit of Christ.

More generally, carnations can express love for the family or the loved one who has passed. And since the carnation is the traditional flower of Mother’s Day, it can be the perfect choice to honor the life of a person who was a great mother to her children.

4. Hyacinths

field of purple hyacinths

Much like roses, different colors of hyacinths have different meanings, but the purple hyacinth is a popular symbol of sorrow and regret. Sometimes, a simple acknowledgment of the family’s grief is enough. These beautiful flowers let the family know that you are aware of their suffering and that you care. They communicate the pain that you feel upon hearing of their loss, and this simple sentiment is often just what the family needs.

5. Chrysanthemums

Bright pink chrysanthemums

This gorgeous flower has a variety of meanings, but many people use it as an expression of support or encouragement to “get well soon.” In some European countries, the chrysanthemum is placed on graves and viewed as a symbol of death.

Fusing the more positive American associations with the European emphasis on mourning, we find a perfect balance between mourning and hope. A symbol of death but also support, a chrysanthemum can encourage the grieving family during this difficult time.

6. Gladioluses

light orange gladiolus flower

The gladiolus is a beautiful representation of strength and character. By giving a grieving family this flower, you essentially remind them of their loved one’s strength and encourage them to persevere on their grief journey.

As a sympathy gift, the gladiolus does not ignore the pain of loss and communicates your compassion. But it’s also an uplifting reminder of the grieving family’s and their loved one’s strength, which can encourage them as they adjust to their new normal.

7. Forget-Me-Nots

group of light blue forget-me-not flowers

The meaning of these tiny flowers is pretty easy to decipher. An emblem of remembrance, the forget-me-not communicates this simple but essential message to a family: your loved one lives on in our memories.

We tend to shy away from painful emotions, and for this reason, we often avoid the topic of a loved one’s death to spare the family additional discomfort. While this approach is well-intended, it’s often unhelpful. These lovely flowers let the family know you won’t forget their loved one and their impact on your life.

As you look at your options for sympathy flowers, think about ways to personalize your gift. You could opt for the deceased’s favorite flower or choose a classic flower in their favorite color. You can include a sympathy card or condolence letter with your gift. However you choose to share your condolences, let the family know that you’re there to support them while they’re grieving.

Aug 14

Love0

9 Ways Technology Can Help You Grieve

By Courtney Cook Grief/Loss, Technology and Grief

The technological developments of the 21st century have touched every aspect of our lives, including how we deal with loss and grief. The rise of social media, livestreaming, and other new technology has changed how we interact with each other, which has affected the way we navigate our grief journeys.

These advances in technology have the potential to aid us in the grieving process. As you navigate your new normal and work to understand your grief, here are a few ways technology can help.

1. Post Obituaries Online

person holding a smartphone

The days when obituaries were only printed in the newspaper are long gone. Most funeral homes now post obituaries on their websites, which makes it easier for friends and family who aren’t nearby to read the obituary, share condolences in an online guestbook, donate flowers, and more. These online obituaries make it easier to share service information with friends and family and have a place where your loved one’s memory will live on.

2. Announce the Loss

After a loss, it’s important to find a way to communicate the news of the death as efficiently as possible. Of course, those closest to the deceased, like family and close friends, should be told in person, but online obituaries and social media sites allow the information to go out to the deceased’s entire social network of friends. That keeps you from making the painful announcement multiple times to different groups of people. Once you are sure that everyone closest to the deceased has been informed in person or by phone, announce the loss on social media.

3. Receive Social Support

people holding their hands together to create a heart

Social media allows you to receive the support of loved ones both near and far. Friends can share caring words, condolences, and memories on social media. You can turn your loved one’s account into a memorial page, which mourners can return to from time to time to express their feelings and remember the impact your loved one had. This online support network can benefit you as you begin your grief journey.

4. Set Up a Memorial Website

You may wish to do more than a Facebook post to honor a loved one. If so, consider making a memorial webpage. Memorial websites allow you to create an online memorial that friends and family can access for years to come. These sites also enable you to write tributes, add photos, and post videos of remembrance, and they give your family and friends an online space to return to periodically for reflection. Just as we return to the gravestone with flowers in hand to spend a few moments remembering, so can we also return to a memorial page to reflect on the life of a loved one.

5. Watch a Service Online

person on a laptop with a video play button in front of them

While attending a service in person is always best, watching online is a great option for those who can’t leave home or live far away. Many more funeral homes offer livestreaming, and others may record the service so people can watch it later. If your family is interested in a way for friends and family to watch the funeral online, talk to your funeral director and see what options they have for you.

6. Raise Funds for Services

Need help paying for a service? You can use crowdfunding websites to create a campaign and raise money for a funeral. GoFundMe.com is a very popular way to raise funds for a service, or there are other websites, such as Funeral Fund, that are specifically tailored to funeral fundraising. These sites provide efficient ways to receive the financial support you or a loved one needs to craft a meaningful ceremony.

7. Create a Memorial Video

person typing on a laptop

Memorial videos are a great way to honor the life of a loved one and highlight their unique personality and legacy. You can create a video with photos of your loved one to use in a service or to include on a memorial webpage. Additionally, some funeral homes can make a video for you with images you provide, so check with your local funeral home to see if that’s a service they offer.

8. Add a QR Code to a Headstone

One new option for customizing a headstone is adding a QR code. If you have more you want to add to a headstone but don’t have the room, you can use a QR code to link to an online memorial or obituary. Friends and family members who visit the grave can scan the QR code and see photos, videos, and stories of their loved one. While this option does require you to create a code and a page for it to link to, it can be a great way to make a highly personalized marker to honor your loved one.

9. Use Digital Grief Resources

man attending online therapy on his laptop

In our digital age, receiving grief support is easier than ever! Many funeral homes offer digital aftercare services, which provide families with emails or texts to support them on their grief journeys. In addition, online grief therapy options provide a way for the grieving to receive ongoing support from the comfort of their own home. Check with your funeral director to learn more about the options available to you!

As technology continues to change, new resources become available to help people better understand their grief. While in-person contact will always be essential, technology can provide additional support, especially for those who are more isolated. As you begin your grief journey, consider how technology may benefit you and your family. Don’t be afraid to try something new!

Aug 12

Love0

Door in an old, vine-covered wall opening into a beautiful garden

Top 10 Poems for a Funeral Ceremony

By Courtney Cook Funeral Poems, Grief/Loss, Meaningful Funerals

Readings are a great way to enrich and personalize a funeral ceremony. As Dr. Wolfelt tells us, readings play an essential role in the service because they help us search for meaning in the loss, bring mourners together, and speak to “word people.”

Poems, in particular, can have a powerful impact at a funeral. Because poets put so much thought into a poem’s word choice, arrangement, and flow, they can address relatable themes in a compelling way. For this reason, we’ve compiled a list of ten great poems that can enhance a funeral ceremony. If you are thinking of including a poetry reading in memory of a loved one, consider using one of these profound poems at the funeral.

1. “Dear Lovely Death” by Langston Hughes

person placing their hand on a coffin with a bouquet of white flowers on top after reading a poem at the funeral

Famed Harlem Renaissance poet Langston Hughes was a master of economy, and “Dear Lovely Death” beautifully showcases his “less is more” approach. Hughes suggests that death does not destroy or eradicate but merely changes the nature of those it touches. When a loved one dies, our relationship with them changes from a physical relationship to one of memory. Hopeful but not naïve, this poem allows us to see the situation in a more comforting light without denying the reality of death.

2. “A Clear Midnight” by Walt Whitman

This short piece by Whitman turns conventional poetic imagery on its head. While many poems use midnight to evoke negative, frightening emotions, Whitman sees the night as a time of calm and peace. When applied to a funeral setting, the flight of the soul “into the wordless” can be viewed as a metaphor for death, providing comfort to mourners by depicting death as a place of peace and rest.

3. “Death is a Door” by Nancy Byrd Turner

Door in an old, vine-covered wall opening into a beautiful garden

Nancy Byrd Turner uses the metaphor of a door to portray death as a time of transition and change. She uses nature imagery to evoke a sense of peace and rest and implies that death gives birth to new life, though we can’t yet see what this new life looks like. Turner’s assertion that the “willing and weary feet” eagerly cross the threshold of death implies that whatever lies on the other side of the doorway of death is more encouraging than frightening.

4. “Requiem” by Robert Louis Stevenson

Robert Louis Stevenson, author of the famous novels Treasure Island and The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, also penned many poems. The short and simple “Requiem” is written from the perspective of the deceased, who is satisfied with the life that he lived. His contentment regarding the journey from life to death is comforting and encouraging. Families who feel that their loved one lived a full and wonderful life may consider using this poem at the funeral to remind themselves that their loved one is at peace.

5. “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost

Two paths in a field splitting in different directions with pine trees and mountains in the background

One of the most famous poems of all time, Robert Frost’s masterpiece is not strictly a “funeral poem.” While it isn’t specifically about death, it’s a beautiful tribute to a well-lived life. The closing lines, “I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference,” describe a person who broke the mold and embraced life to the fullest. If you are looking for a piece that celebrates the unique life of your loved one, consider reading this ode to the different paths we travel in life.

6. “Success” by Bessie Anderson Stanley*

Another poem that deals less with death and more than with celebrating life, this famous essay-turned-poem by Bessie Anderson Stanley analyzes the true meaning of success. True success isn’t found in shallow achievements like popularity or material wealth but in deep relationships with others and in leaving a positive impact on the world. A fitting tribute to the life of a loved one who understood the true value of life, this classic poem will encourage those at the funeral to reflect on the meaningful life of the deceased.

7. “When Great Trees Fall” by Maya Angelou

Close up of a tall tree trunk with branches and green leaves spreading overhead

This extraordinary work by the late Maya Angelou emphasizes the ripple effect created by a great person’s death. Angelou suggests that the deep hurt that we feel when losing a loved one is a testament to the brilliance of that individual’s life. While grief may hurt, we can find comfort by remembering that our loved one made a difference and positively impacted the lives of others. And eventually, we can find hope and peace as we let our memories of the deceased motivate and change us.

8. “Death, Be Not Proud” by John Donne

Perhaps the most famous poem to address mortality, John Donne’s 17th-century classic refutes the permanence of death. Donne challenges death by comparing it to rest and sleep, arguing that both states are temporary. The poem’s ending suggests that hope can be found in life after death, making it a great choice for religious ceremonies. While we must acknowledge that death is real and it’s okay to grieve, those who are religious can find comfort in remembering that death is not the end of the story.

9. “If I Can Stop One Heart from Breaking” by Emily Dickinson

Person holding a small heart in their hands

What makes a life truly meaningful? This short Emily Dickinson poem shows how caring for others and sharing small acts of kindness are enough to leave a beautiful legacy. A person need not have his or her good deeds recognized as grand accomplishments to live a great life. Instead, we can create a full and meaningful life by spreading love however we can. Dickinson’s heartfelt poem is an excellent choice for the funeral of a loved one who dedicated their life to helping others.

10. Psalm 23, a Psalm of David, The Book of Psalms (KJV)

The most famous of all the psalms speaks directly to our desire for peace for ourselves and our loved ones. Psalm 23 is perfect for a funeral ceremony because it applies to both the mourners and the deceased. The “valley of the shadow of death” can refer to those who are making the transition from life to death and to those who are trying to face life after losing a loved one. For religious ceremonies, Psalm 23 can serve as a beautiful testament to God’s ability to bring comfort and peace to his children in dark times.

As you look for possible poems to read at your loved one’s funeral, you can also consider writing one yourself! Whether you read your own poem, choose one from this list, or use a different one, we hope you find the perfect poem to reflect your loved one’s life.

*”Success” is often incorrectly attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson, usually with the inclusion of the famous line: “To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

Jul 29

Love0

Two mature men sitting on a couch; one man counseling the other

When to Consider Professional Grief Therapy

By christy.kessler AfterCare, Grief/Loss

When you lose someone dear to you, grief is a completely normal response. Everybody experiences it. The fact that you are going through feelings of grief means that you had deep emotional ties to the person who has died. For many people, grief starts out intense, and in time, it begins to ebb and flow. But what happens when the intensity of your grief will not subside? What if you find yourself unable to cope, even though many months or years have passed since your loss? It could be that you’ve developed complicated grief, and it’s time to consider the benefits of professional grief therapy.

Is it Complicated Grief?

If you find yourself unable to function in daily life long after the loss of your loved one, you may want to consider the possibility that you are experiencing complicated grief. While grief is a perfectly normal, healthy response to loss, complicated grief is a psychological problem that, if left untreated, can severely impact your quality of life.

Here are several signs of complicated grief to look out for:

Intense sorrow, pain, or pining over the loss, focusing on little else
Problems accepting the reality of the death
Strong attachment to mementos/reminders or a strong avoidance of them
Numbness, detachment, bitterness, and/or easily irritated
Feeling that life holds no meaning or purpose
Trouble carrying out normal routines, including personal hygiene
Increasingly isolated and withdrawn
Denial and defensiveness when asked about the grief
Guilt over feeling that they did something wrong, could have prevented the death, or should have died along with the loved one

If you or someone you know is experiencing these symptoms, it’s time to consider getting help from a professional therapist.

How Does Grief Therapy Help?

If you think you may be struggling with complicated grief, professional grief counseling or therapy can be a useful resource for dealing with it. A trained counselor can give you the tools that you need to start enjoying your life again. It is important to realize that counseling is not an attempt to make you forget about the life of your loved one or diminish their legacy. Rather, it is a way to help you accept the reality of their death and make tangible steps toward finding joy in life.

Here are a few ways grief therapy can help:

Inspires Rational Thinking

Counseling can be especially beneficial if you find yourself suffering from extreme guilt, anxiety, or fear. Getting an outside perspective could help you to see when your thoughts become irrational. For instance, if you are someone who blames yourself for the death of a loved one, hearing a fresh perspective might allow you to see things differently. A liberating insight from a therapist could provide just the boost you need to get back to finding joy and meaning in your life.

Helps You Accept the Reality of Loss

Of course, it is unhelpful and unrealistic to believe that we will ever fully “move on” or “recover” from a loss. Even if this state of mind could be achieved, it wouldn’t be desirable. You will always remember the person you love, and the knowledge of their loss will always be painful. This knowledge falls under the category of grief that is considered normal. The pain of loss is part of what it means to love.

But if your thoughts of your loved one border on obsession, and even long after their death you find yourself ignoring everything except those thoughts, then you may be struggling to accept the reality of the loss. Grief therapy can help you get to a place of acceptance and can provide you with advice on how to carry this experience with you as you continue to navigate your life journey.

Encourages You to Honor Your Loved One’s Memory

One of the best ways to work through grief is by confronting the pain of loss. Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally-recognized grief counselor and educator, puts it this way:

“Someone you love has died. In your heart, you have come to know your deepest pain. From my own experiences with loss as well as those of the thousands of people I have counseled over the years, I have learned that we cannot go around the pain of our grief. Instead, we must learn to embrace and express it. This is hard but absolutely necessary work.”

With a trained professional by your side, you can begin to do the hard but necessary work of grief. Honor your loved one’s memory. Confront the things that are holding you back. Find ways to hold onto your loved one’s legacy that are healthy and inspiring. Finding a way forward doesn’t mean forgetting; it means learning how to carry the wound without letting it negatively affect you.

How Do I Know if Counseling is Right for Me?

Studies suggest that people who are struggling with complicated grief respond better to therapy than those who struggle with normal grief. For the grieving, time is the most important factor in the healing process. So how can you know that therapy will be useful for you? At what point can you reasonably estimate that your grief has become complicated?

There’s no definitive answer. You have no way of knowing with absolute certainty if counseling or the mere passage of time will be the best approach for your mental health. But if you feel that a significant amount of time has passed and that you are still unable to cope with daily life, consider giving counseling and therapy a try. At the very least, you’ll have a trained professional to talk to, an experienced person who will listen as you get some things off your chest. This simple step could end up making the biggest difference in your grief journey and your life.

Also, if you are already comfortable with professional counseling, you might consider speaking with a grief counselor or therapist soon after your loss. There’s no need to wait until you are experiencing complicated grief to see someone. You can speak to a professional at any time during your grief journey, and if you do it sooner rather than later, you may prevent complicated grief entirely.

Jul 25

Love0

two people hugging, one holding small baby shoes

Dealing with Guilt After Child Loss

By Courtney Cook Children, Grief/Loss

For a parent, losing a child is devastating. Whether your child is a newborn or a teenager, they play a huge role in your life and are a big part of your identity, and losing them turns your world upside down. It feels unnatural for a child to die before a parent, and you may feel overwhelmed by confusion, anger, guilt, and many other emotions.

two people hugging, one holding small baby shoes

When something we can’t make sense of occurs, like the death of a child, our brains search for some reason in the situation. After the loss of your child, you may see a correlation between your actions and the death, and even if that connection wasn’t the cause of your child’s death, guilt can easily follow. Additionally, you may feel guilt because you believe it was your duty to protect the child and that there was something you could have done to prevent their death.

While it’s normal to feel guilt after the loss of a child, these guilty feelings can hinder the grieving process and tear you down. As you grieve the loss of your child, here are a few strategies you can use to cope with any guilt you feel.

Acknowledge what you feel guilty about

woman writing in a notebook

When we feel guilty, especially while grieving, our instinct is often to avoid our feelings. But to begin to overcome your feelings of guilt, you need to face them. Why do you feel guilty? It may be painful to face your feelings of guilt, but being honest with yourself can help you confront your fears and understand why you feel guilty.

If you’re not sure how to start, try taking some time to write down your feelings and explore them on paper. Your emotions may feel bigger in your head, and writing yours down may make them feel more manageable. You could also talk to a trusted friend, a family member, or a grief counselor about what you’re feeling who will let you be honest without judging or dismissing what you say.

As you acknowledge your guilt, remember that your guilt may be real or false. You may feel like you’re to blame, but in most cases, that feeling is misplaced. Examine what you feel, and don’t take the truth of your feelings at face value.

Let go of the “should haves”

mother comforting her adult daughter

After losing a child, many parents find themselves thinking of all the things they wish they had done differently. “I shouldn’t have let her go out with those friends.” “We should have talked together and resolved our argument.” “I should have seen the signs that she was sick.”

As painful as it can be to admit, you must accept that what happened was beyond your control. You couldn’t have known what would happen, and thinking about these “should haves” will only hurt you. There are things you can’t control or foresee, and you did your best with what you knew. Dwelling on what you should have or could have done will only lead to more self-blame and hurt.

When you catch yourself thinking of things you could have done differently, pause and take time to redirect your thoughts. If you find your thoughts drifting into self-blame, take a moment to acknowledge that there are things you just can’t prepare for or prevent. If you feel guilty for not spending more time with your child, think about some of your favorite memories with your child and cherish those instead. As hard as it may be, take a second look at your thoughts and be intentional about which thoughts you dwell on and which you reject.

Forgive yourself

person sitting outside on the grass watching a sunset

Forgiving yourself may sound simple, but anyone who feels guilty knows that’s one of the hardest things you can do. We can easily focus too much on our perceived mistakes, flaws, and negative experiences. Psychologists call the tendency to fixate on negative qualities or experiences “negativity bias.” This bias can make it hard to let go of guilt, whether real or unfounded.

But forgiving yourself for the things you feel guilty about can break the cycle of guilt and self-blame. Forgiveness yourself doesn’t mean forgetting or dismissing your feelings; it’s letting go of your guilt and being gentle and understanding with yourself. This critical step isn’t a one-and-done action. You may need to take time each day to pause, take a breath, forgive yourself, and release your guilt. But over time, forgiving yourself will get a little bit easier.

Be patient with yourself

two people holding hands and comforting each other

The loss of your child has likely turned your world upside down. As you grieve their loss and navigate any feelings of guilt, be patient with yourself. You may know that your guilty feelings are unfounded or impractical, but your heart may need time to acknowledge that.

Each day may bring a different struggle, and weeks or even months after the death, you may encounter a new emotion or think of something you hadn’t previously considered. There may be days when you feel like you’re backtracking or losing your progress.

In those moments, remind yourself that you have a right to feel what you feel. Give yourself time and space to grieve, and be kind to yourself. Grief changes shape over time, and it’s perfectly normal for some days to be more challenging than others. Be patient with yourself as you navigate your new normal.

Seek help

man hugging and comforting a woman crying

As you work through the emotions you feel, remember that you’re not on your own. Seek out trusted friends and family members for help and support. They may be going through similar struggles to you as they grieve the loss of your child, and they can be there to cry with you, support you, and talk through what you’re feeling.

In addition, if you find yourself continuing to struggle with guilt and your grief, seek out a professional grief counselor or a grief support group. That extra support can help you better understand your feelings and provide an outlet to talk about your emotions with people outside of your immediate circle.

As you begin to navigate any feelings of guilt after the loss of your child, take time to cherish the time you had with your child. Remember that your child loved you and wouldn’t want you to blame yourself for their death. While it will take time to heal, be patient with yourself, take care of yourself, and give yourself space to grieve your loss.

Jul 24

Love0

woman dropping off a meal for her friend

Meal Train Etiquette: Tips for Bringing Food to the Grieving

By Courtney Cook Grief/Loss, Helping a Friend in Grief

When someone you know has lost a loved one, you likely want to be there to support them. Bringing a meal is a great way to do that! After losing a loved one, families have a lot going on, and it can be hard to plan, shop for, and cook meals. By bringing them a meal, you can help make their time of grieving a little bit easier.

If you decide to help your friends out by providing a meal, here are a few tips to keep in mind:

Contact the family ahead of time

Before you drop off a meal for a family, contact them to find out what day and time works best for them. They may have other people bringing meals, or there may be days when they aren’t in town. If no one has created one, you can set up a Meal Train or Take Them a Meal schedule so friends and family can coordinate meals for the grieving family.

On the day you’re scheduled to drop off the meal, make sure to contact the family to set up a time to drop it off. That way, they’ll know you’re still coming and can ensure someone is at the house to accept the food.

If something comes up and you can’t make your scheduled time, contact the family as soon as possible to let them know and arrange an alternative, like ordering pizza to be delivered to their house or switching days with someone else.

Choose a dish based on the family’s preferences

baked pasta casserole on a table surrounded by ingredients

If a meal schedule is already set up, check to see if the family has provided any information about food preferences, allergies, and dietary needs. If not, contact the family to find out what they would prefer.

Depending on the family’s wishes, you can bring food from a restaurant, make something for them, or provide a ready-to-bake dish. Many people bring casseroles and lasagna, so suggest a few options you’re comfortable cooking and ask the family what they’d prefer.

If the family is open to options, lean toward foods that aren’t too spicy or exotic unless that’s their preference. Avoid common allergens, and try to bring dishes that are easy to freeze in case they don’t eat everything at once. For ideas on good recipes to bring to a grieving family, check out Pinch of Yum or this article from Love to Know.

Also, consider bringing sides with your meal, like garlic bread or salad. You can also add snacks for the family, like cut veggies, fruit, or chips. These can add some variety and give them something to enjoy between meals.

Use disposable containers

chicken baking in oven in foil pan

When putting together your meal, use disposable pans or baking sheets you don’t want back. You could also check your local thrift store for baking dishes to give to the family. When you drop off the food, be sure to let the family know that you don’t need the container back. You may also want to include a note listing what ingredients are in the dish and any cooking or reheating instructions.

Consider the timing

As you choose a meal, remember what time you’re bringing the food! If you’re dropping off the dish around mealtime, bring something hot. If you want to bring something the family will need to heat themselves, ask about dropping it off earlier so they have time to cook it.

Be mindful of children

If the family you’re bringing food to has children, remember them when planning! Kids can be picky, so think about that when bringing a dish and try to pick something that they might enjoy.

Typically, kids also have an early bedtime, so plan to bring food earlier in the evening. If you’re not sure what would be best, don’t be afraid to ask the family any questions you have about food or drop-off times.

Don’t overstay your welcome

woman dropping off a meal for her friend

While you may be eager to talk to the family or express your condolences, you should never overstay your welcome. The family may not feel like socializing while they’re grieving, and they are likely hungry and ready to eat!

If you don’t know the family well, keep your drop-off short and don’t go inside unless they invite you in. A few words, handing over the food, and a hug show your sympathy without being overbearing.

If the family does invite you in, try to keep your time there short unless you know them better and have agreed to a chat and visit. Read the room, pay attention to when they start to get tired or distracted, and excuse yourself. They’ll appreciate your thoughtfulness, and you won’t add additional stress to their time of grieving.

Help in other ways

man dropping off groceries for a friend

Families often receive dinner or lunch from other friends every day, so consider asking if they would prefer something different. Offer to bring them breakfast foods, either in the morning or dropping them off the evening before. Or ask if you can bring groceries or restock their pantry with easy-to-make foods, like mac and cheese, ramen, canned veggies, or soup.

Donations and gift cards are a great alternative to bringing a meal, too, since they’re flexible and can help fill in the gaps when the family doesn’t have anyone bringing food. If you’ve set up a Meal Train, you can add the option for donations so friends and family can contribute together.

Additionally, if you know the family well, consider asking them to your house for dinner instead of bringing a meal to them. This can help someone who’s grieving get a break from their own house and enjoy good company. If you do invite your grieving friend and/or their family, keep it casual and low-pressure, and be ready to offer an alternative if they decline. They may need more time before they feel ready to socialize.

Don’t be offended if your help is rejected

younger woman holding an older person's hands

Everyone reacts to grief differently, and the time after losing a loved one can be hectic for a grieving family. They may not have time to respond to your text or call or feel too overwhelmed to talk. That’s okay! It’s nothing against you. Be patient, give them time, and respect their wishes. You can always offer again in a few days or weeks.

As you prepare a meal for your grieving friends, don’t stress too much! Even if you don’t know what to say or how to express your condolences, your effort in bringing a meal and helping the family out makes a huge difference in their life and shows that you care. The grieving family will appreciate your kindness and support.

Other Resources for Supporting the Grieving

Jul 11

Love0

Man and woman sitting in a secluded space with a telescope, looking at the night sky

Naming a Star in a Loved One’s Memory

By christy.kessler Educational, Grief/Loss, Memorial

There are so many beautiful ways to honor a loved one’s life. Etching their name in the night sky may be one option you’ve never considered. Perfect for an astronomer, sci-fi nerd, or general space enthusiast, it’s possible to name a star after your loved one and keep their memory alive in the night sky for generations to come.

There are several companies that offer star registration, but we aren’t going to talk about all of them. Instead, we will focus on three big ones to give you an idea of what types of services are available.

International Star Registry (ISR)

One of the first companies to offer star registration, ISR has been helping families honor and memorialize loved ones since 1979. They offer a variety of packages for every budget, starting at around $30 and going up to around $200 (prices subject to change). Each package offers the ability to choose your preferred constellation and receive an authentic Star Registry certificate (with additional add-ons depending on the package you select).

Additionally, every star registration is included in the world’s only published catalog of named stars, which is registered with the US Copyright Office and the Library of Congress. The catalog includes coordinates for every star registered.

To learn more about ISR and its mission to help families honor and remember loved ones through the naming of a star, click here to visit their website.

Star Name Registry

With its “Find My Star” app, Star Name Registry gives you the ability to view your star at any time of day or night using your smartphone. They also offer a variety of packages, starting at around $30 and going up to roughly $120 (prices subject to change). Every package comes with a star certificate, welcome letter, star info pack, and app entry. The “star info pack” includes a sky atlas, star location guide, constellation booklet, universe booklet, and an explanation of your star.

The company guarantees your registered star, but if you have concerns, they do offer a 30-day money back guarantee. To learn more about Star Name Registry, click here to visit their website.

Global Star Registry

Based in Sweden, Global Star Registry is available in multiple languages, including English, German, Spanish, amongst others. Similar to ISR (see above), all stars registered through Global Star Registry are recorded with the US Copyright Office.

Packages start around $30 and go up to $94 (prices subject to change). However, if you elect for any of the packages above $30, you will also receive a gift pack. (Other add-ons may also be listed.) The gift pack includes a star certificate, an engraved pendant or keychain, and a sky map.

To read reviews or check out the package options, click here to visit their website.

Are There Other Star Registration Services Out There?

Absolutely! You aren’t limited to these three services if they don’t appeal to you. You could check out Online Star Register, Name a Star, or Starify, for example.

As you research which star registration service to use, here are some important things to consider:

Does the company offer a package that suits your budget?
Do the add-ons appeal to you?
Is your star registered with the US Copyright Office (if that’s important to you)?
Do they offer returns or a money-back guarantee if you should change your mind?
Is the company transparent and clear on what you will receive?
Does the company offer clear ways to reach out for customer support?

A Quick Note on Star Registration

Naming a star in memory of a loved one is a beautiful way to keep their memory alive. It will blaze in the night sky forever. However, it’s important to note that no one legally owns outer space. Any naming of stars is for sentimental purposes only. Your star registration exists on paper and does not affect the star’s official name with the International Astronomical Union (IAU). The IAU officially tracks the scientific names of all stars and celestial bodies.

If you decide that naming a star in your loved one’s honor is a meaningful way to remember them, may you find comfort, peace, and joy each time you see them shining brightly on the darkest nights.

*DISCLAIMER: We do not endorse any of these companies; we are merely stating the options available to you when honoring a loved one by naming a star.

Jun 25

Love0

Woman sitting at a table at home with flowers, colored pencils, and a coloring book in front of her

10 Adult Coloring Books for Your Grief Journey

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss

After the death of a loved one, you may feel a little (or a lot) stressed, worried, sad, anxious, or depressed. Thankfully, art therapy is a proven relaxation method, and it’s easily accessible. With art therapy, you engage in creative activities, like journaling, singing, dancing, and yes, even coloring. In recent studies, it was discovered that coloring can reduce stress, depression, anxiety, and even blood pressure. All of these are excellent reasons to consider purchasing an adult coloring book and adding a little creativity to your grief journey.

To learn more about the benefits of coloring, take a moment to read How Coloring Helps You Grieve.

10 Adult Color Books for Your Grief Journey

Each of these 10 adult coloring books focuses specifically on grief and offering encouragement and solace for the hurting heart. Let’s take a look.

1. Remember Grief is Love

With 50 different floral designs, this coloring book will act as a comforting tool throughout the grief journey. Filled with encouraging quotes and therapeutic images, this coloring book is perfect of anyone who is grieving – friend, mother, husband, or even yourself. It is printed on premium white paper with large font and is available in either paperback or hardback.