Grief/Loss Archives - Funeral Basics

Nov 03

Senior woman washing dishes to help around the house

You’re Grieving, So Why Do You Have Trouble Accepting Help?

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss, Helping a Friend in Grief

Is accepting help hard for you? You’re not alone! While you may be quick to help other people, you resist accepting help yourself. But during times of loss and grief, accepting the caring actions of others can make the difference between a good day and a bad one. While accepting help may require vulnerability, you will greatly benefit from receiving love and support.

So, why is it so hard to accept caring help from other people? In reality, there’s no one clear reason; in fact, reasons for refusing help may differ considerably from person to person. To discover more about your own motivations, take a moment to read the following list of the most common reasons why people refuse help. Do you see yourself?

1. “If I accept help, it means that I’m weak and don’t have it all together.”

From an early age, American society tells us that we should be independent, self-sufficient, and capable members of society. We don’t want to appear weak or seem like we don’t “have it all together.” But what do we really gain from rejecting the help that others offer us? More work and more stress.

What’s worse is that it is all for the sake of keeping up appearances, which will never result in deep or meaningful connections with others. On the other hand, allowing yourself to be vulnerable with others can lighten the load and strengthen your relationships.

2. “I won’t accept help because I don’t want to be an inconvenience.”

Some of us struggle with feeling like our needs might be a burden, and the other person is secretly hoping we say “no” to their offer. Deep down, we don’t want friends or family to take time away from their own lives to help us.

When you lose someone you love, you may feel bad that a friend wants to babysit your kids, clean your kitchen, or cook some meals. But really, when you accept the help that’s offered, a door to deeper friendship is opened.

3. “I don’t want to feel like I owe anyone anything.”

Some people struggle with feeling like accepting help makes them beholden to the person who has offered assistance. But consider when you offer to help someone: Are you thinking about when you will ask them to return the favor? Or do you genuinely want to help?

For most of us, the answer is that we genuinely want to help and have no ulterior motives. So, if the grief is overwhelming and someone you know offers to help, take them at their word and consider accepting the assistance. What do you have to lose?

4. “If I accept help, it means admitting that I can’t do it on my own.”

It can be hard to admit that we need help. And maybe we could do everything all on our own, but life is so much easier when someone is there to lend a hand. In reality, we don’t have to do everything ourselves, but breaking away from habits is hard.

It really is okay to accept the kindness of others. You can say “yes” to the casseroles, the offers to go to the funeral home with you, or the invitation to sit with you in silence as you grieve. Social connection and community are part of our human make-up, so it’s okay to allow others to surround you and support you at a time of grief and loss. After all, it takes more internal strength to accept help than to shun it.

5. “If I accept help, it makes my grief and my lack of control more real.”

Many of us strive for control in our lives, but in some areas, control is just an illusion. You may be able to dictate certain aspects of your life, but there is so much that is outside of your hands.

And during times of grief, you need to express your emotions, and to do that, you must relinquish the tight hold you have on control. The reality is, you don’t have everything under control, so why not acknowledge it and accept help from others?

6. “I don’t need anyone’s help. I’d rather just do it myself.”

Some of us feel like we don’t need other people,e or we’d rather take care of everything ourselves. This gut reaction is often rooted in past pain and disappointment. When other people hurt us or let us down, it can feel easier to do everything ourselves rather than risk being wounded again.

If that’s you, the truth is that you need other people, even if you don’t want to need them. And yes, people are messy, but even in the mess, there is great beauty, especially when you lower your walls and allow someone to serve you with caring actions.

What’s at the root of the desire to refuse help?

The real question is, what’s happening inside when we refuse to accept help when we actually need it? Are we putting on a happy face when we really need a shoulder to cry on? Perhaps we are afraid of being vulnerable and admitting our needs. For many of us, the root cause is fear.

Author Margie Warrell, in an article for Forbes magazine, put it this way: “Fear gets in the way of asking for help. Fear of overstepping a friendship…of appearing too needy. Fear of imposing….[or] of revealing our struggle and having people realize we don’t have it all together. Too often, though, we ‘tough it out’ rather than reaching out to ask for help when we need it most. Fear gets the better of us while depriving others of a chance to show they care and share their gifts.”

Man making up the bed as he helps clean a grieving friend's home

Admitting you need help can be scary, but you need people in your life. Healthy relationships decrease stress levels and improve quality of life. So, what’s keeping you from accepting the caring actions of others? Are you afraid that your grief will make them turn away? That the fact that you aren’t okay will make them view you differently? There’s no need to fear.

It is natural and human to grieve and fall apart sometimes. Accepting help will actually draw caring people into your inner circle. It may be difficult at first, especially if you are hard-wired to refuse all assistance, but in time, accepting the caring actions of others will become easier, and your life will be so much richer.

Oct 23

Love0

9 Songs for Pet Loss and Remembrance

By Kaylan Frank Grief/Loss, Pets

The bond you share with your pets is unlike any other, offering steady comfort, loyalty, and unconditional love. Because pets become such an integral part of your lives, losing them can leave behind a deep and often disorienting grief. While nothing truly prepares you for the heartbreak of saying goodbye, music can give voice to the feelings that are difficult to express. Below are several songs of remembrance and solace to support you as you move through the tender loss of a pet.

1. Satellite Moments (Charlie Fink and Luke Treadaway)

‘Cause all our lives are just satellite
Here and gone, like satellite

Sometimes, it’s our pets who choose us. Written for A Street Cat Named Bob, this ballad honors author James Bowen’s bond with a stray cat who kept returning until Bowen gave him a home. Like a satellite that lights up the night sky before slipping out of view, your pet’s time with you may feel all too brief. This song can help you hold on to the bright moments the two of you shared and the memories left behind.

2. Bridge Over Troubled Water (Simon and Garfunkel)

And friends just can’t be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

This well-known track sold over six million copies worldwide, became Simon & Garfunkel’s most successful single, and won five Grammy Awards in 1971, including Record of the Year and Song of the Year. Simon & Garfunkel describe a bridge that carries someone through hard times. The Rainbow Bridge offers a similar hope: the pets who carried us through our difficult times are waiting for us on the other side.

3. Angel (Sarah McLachlan)

You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

Sarah McLachlan originally wrote her ’90s ballad “Angel” about coping with overwhelming pressure and grief. In the decades since, it has become an enduring soundtrack for sorrow, from memorable ASPCA campaigns to the Flight 93 Memorial dedication and other moments of national mourning. Lean into its lyrics for comfort as you navigate the profound loss of your pet.

4. Places We Won’t Walk (Bruno Major)

Birds of red color the trees
Flowers filled with buzzin’ bees
In places we won’t walk

In this song, British singer-songwriter Bruno Major reflects on the moments he will no longer get to share with a lost loved one. For anyone missing a pet, it’s a reminder of the walks and quiet routines you once shared. Woven through the sorrow is a thread of hope that light and joy can still find their way back to you.

5. Chasing Butterflies (Jordon Frank)

And when I needed answers well I just look into your eyes
Now I don’t know all the love you felt inside
My only hope is you’re up there chasing butterflies

Written for his dog Keys, who passed away from cancer, Jordon Frank, of Frankly Speaking, reflects on how they met and how much happiness Keys brought to his life. If you’re watching a pet’s health decline, there are ways to emotionally prepare for their passing and make the most of your remaining time together. May this track shift your focus from goodbye to reflecting on the love you shared.

6. Stars (Grace Potter And The Nocturnals)

And I can’t look at the stars
They make me wonder where you are
Stars, up on heaven’s boulevard

Often, the death of a beloved pet can be abrupt and feel as though there was no time to say goodbye. In “Stars,” Grace Potter wonders why a loved one has gone, a feeling many pet owners know well during quiet nights and evening walks. Listening to this song may help you put words to emotions that are hard to express.

7. Goodbye My Friend (Karla Bonoff)

Oh we never know where life will take us
We know it’s just a ride on the wheel
And we never know when death will shake us
And we wonder how it will feel

Written by Karla Bonoff as a personal way to process grief, this ballad later reached a wider audience through Linda Ronstadt’s cover. Losing a pet can leave a silence that’s hard to explain to others. This song gives that feeling a voice and reminds you that acceptance can come gently, in its own time.

8. The Time of My Life (Benson Boone)

And I wish that you were still right here
I wish you came along
You, why did you leave me so soon?
Before all the flowers could bloom?

In “The Time of My Life,” Benson Boone captures the ache of wishing someone were still here. For anyone grieving a pet, that ache can feel like being stuck in the moment you said goodbye while the world keeps moving around you. This song makes room for quiet remembrance and longing as you mourn the loss of a beloved pet companion.

9. Little Boys Grow Up And Dogs Get Old (Luke Bryan)

And I thought we would be together
Go on and on just like that, forever

A childhood pet is often your first best friend, and losing them can feel like losing a piece of growing up. In this song, Luke Bryan looks back on his childhood with Bandit, his fishing sidekick and constant companion, as they “grew like weeds together”. If you’re helping a child through their first experience with loss, this song can be a gentle way to remember the joyful moments you shared.

Our pets give us steady comfort, loyalty, and unconditional love, so it’s natural for their absence to leave a deep ache. While no song can take away the heartbreak of goodbye, music can give voice to feelings we struggle to express. Let these songs help you honor the bond you and your pet shared as you hold their memory close.

Oct 23

Love0

friends serving each other dinner at a large table

Surviving the Small Talk: Your Holiday Dinner Conversation Guide

By Kaylan Frank Educational, Grief/Loss

The holidays are a great time to gather with friends and family to share delicious meals, reminisce together, and lean into community. But after a loss, dinner table conversations can bring up unexpected feelings you didn’t see coming: a well-meaning relative asking too many questions, or an awkward silence where your loved one’s voice used to be.

man sitting alone on a beach looking out onto the water So, how can you navigate uncomfortable moments at the dinner table? And how do you still find joy in the holiday when some moments feel heavy? You might feel torn between showing up for the people you love and being gentle with yourself as you grieve. However, there are ways to approach holiday dinner conversations with grace while setting boundaries and still enjoying your time with friends and family.

Give yourself permission to sit this one out

Grief can affect your emotional, physical, and social energy in ways that are hard to predict. Some days you may feel ready to show up, and other days the mere thought of small talk can feel exhausting. That’s why it’s worth checking in with yourself before you RSVP, especially if your energy and emotions are already stretched thin.

woman with long brown hair texting on a black phone While it may feel uncomfortable to decline an invitation, you’re allowed to say “no.” You can even pair your response with a simple “thank you for inviting me,” and just like that, you’ve set a boundary that honors where you are right now. If you don’t have the energy for a particular gathering, a dinner, or certain conversations, that’s completely okay.

Grief doesn’t follow a social calendar, and the people who care about you will understand your need for space. They may even save you a plate for later.

Set the tone

If you do decide to go, you don’t have to meet every unspoken holiday expectation, like feeling cheerful or put together. Even a small game plan, like how long you’ll stay or a quick heads-up to the host or group about where you’re at emotionally, can give you some peace of mind.

man sitting alone, looking out a window Most people want to be supportive; they just don’t always know how. Something as simple as, “I may need to step away if it gets to be too much,” or “I’d love to talk about them, but I may not be up for a lot of questions,” takes away the guesswork so people can show up for you in ways that actually help. Most people are relieved when you tell them what you need. It takes the pressure off and gives them a clearer way to support you.

If you’re going to the gathering with a close friend or family member, they can help you step away if you need to. For extra peace of mind, you might also choose a simple code word that lets them know when you need a break or an exit strategy. It can be something straightforward like “I need a minute” or something more lighthearted, like “mongoose.” Giving yourself room to pivot is not a failure; it’s a way to care for yourself in a hard moment.

Anticipate that moments might feel awkward

Even with the best preparation, remind yourself that there’s no such thing as a perfect response. Grief doesn’t come with a script, and neither does navigating it in a room full of people. What can help is simply acknowledging ahead of time that some conversations may catch you off guard and reminding yourself that showing up is already enough.

friends serving each other dinner at a large table Maybe you’re heading to a Friendsgiving where most people didn’t know your loved one, sitting across from in-laws who never met the person you lost, or grieving a close friend rather than a family member. In spaces like these, grief doesn’t always have an obvious place at the table, and people may not bring it up because they don’t know what to say, or they may mention it briefly and move on before you are ready. Whether the conversation is too much or not enough, it can leave you feeling alone in a space full of people who care about you.

Try going into the gathering with a simple reminder to yourself: “There may be some uncomfortable moments, and there is nothing wrong with how I feel.” Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, even if the conversation takes a hard turn.

Make room for your loved one

Once the pressure to perform is off the table, something surprising can happen. There’s room to remember your loved one, to invite memories of their presence into the gathering, and in a way, let them be a part of it even in their absence.

a group of friends making a toast, looking up at the bottom of the glasses You can incorporate simple actions, such as offering a toast: “We miss (name), but we’re so glad we can still be here together.” You can also make a dish they loved as a small way to include them at the table. Acknowledging a lost loved one’s absence, even lightly, can give people permission to talk rather than dance around the topic.

If your family or friends lean into humor, don’t be afraid to laugh. Grief and laughter aren’t complete opposites, and sometimes enjoying a good laugh is easier than finding the right thing to say. Go around the table to share a memory or story about your loved one’s questionable cooking, their signature complaint about the weather, or the way they always tried to take the last roll or piece of pie.

Intentional moments let everyone know that it’s okay to acknowledge the loss without making the whole gathering feel heavy. These small touches can make your loved one’s presence feel welcome in the room, even as everyone feels the ache of their absence.

Keep these gentle reminders in mind

Grief and relationships are complex, and when they meet around a holiday table, it can feel messy, tender, and overwhelming all at once. You do not have to navigate the holidays perfectly, especially when you are carrying your own sadness while fielding other people’s questions, comments, silence, or expectations. That is a lot to hold, and it makes sense if you need to move slowly.

multicultural friends playing a game together at the dinner table No matter what the day looks like, remember that you are not alone. Other people may not always know the perfect thing to say, but the people who love and support you want to be there for you in the ways they can.

Be gentle with yourself, and take things one conversation, one gathering, and one breath at a time. Some moments may feel awkward. Some may surprise you with comfort or even laughter. However the day unfolds, you are allowed to honor your grief and protect your peace. You may even leave the gathering feeling lighter than you expected, not because your grief disappeared, but because you honored your feelings honestly and still found moments of connection this holiday season.

If you need more support for yourself or for someone you love, the resources below offer practical guidance, remembrance ideas, and encouragement for navigating the holidays while walking through grief.

Holiday Remembrance Activities for Grieving Parents
Kid-Friendly Holiday Remembrance Ideas
Remembering Loved Ones Through Baking
Practicing Remembrance & Gratitude During Times of Grief
Supporting Grieving Friends on “Special Days”

Oct 16

Love0

A man pulling things out of a wooden keepsake box.

How Memorial Keepsakes Help You Heal

By Becca Corbett Grief/Loss, Memorial

When you lose someone special, whether a close family member or dear friend, you may feel a deep longing to keep their memory close. Memorial keepsakes provide a meaningful way to honor that lasting connection as you move through your grief journey. Let’s explore a bit about what memorial keepsakes are and how they can help you heal.

What Are Memorial Keepsakes?

Simply put, memorial keepsakes are objects dedicated to honoring the memory of your lost loved one. Keepsakes come in many forms, such as a photo collage, a shadow box with flowers, or a fingerprint necklace. You can choose the one that feels most meaningful to you.

But how exactly can memorial keepsakes become a valuable source of support throughout your healing journey? Let’s look at how keepsakes offer solace after a loss.

Memorial Keepsakes Create a Visual Reminder

Seeing a keepsake that reminds you of your loved one is a visual reminder that their presence remains an important part of your life. Bringing this familiarity into your home can help you feel at peace in the place where you spend the most time.

Choosing a location for the keepsake is just as important as the item itself. When you walk past a photo of your loved one on the mantel or see a quilt made from their shirts on your couch, you have the reassurance of knowing they are still close. Having these visuals nearby creates a gentle, daily reminder of their lasting presence.

Memorial Keepsakes Evoke Cherished Memories

Memorial keepsakes can bring to mind memories and good times spent together. Keepsakes help you remember the happy moments you shared and provide support during difficult times.

When you allow yourself to laugh or smile and remember the happiness your loved one brought into your life, you can find peace. You might pull out a photo album or reread old letters to remind yourself of your favorite memories. When you take the time to revisit keepsakes, you can move forward knowing that your loved one will always be a part of your story, and you have something to reflect on and hold dear.

Memorial Keepsakes Act as a Grounding Influence

When emotions feel overwhelming and you’re missing your loved one, physical memorial keepsakes can ground you. They can help you feel connected to your loved one in the moment and ease your feelings of grief.

After losing someone, important dates like birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays are all times you may feel the weight of loss more deeply than on other days. During these moments of grief, you can turn to a memorial keepsake for strength.

You might choose to wear an engraved necklace with your loved one’s handwriting or carry a remembrance stone in your pocket when leaving your house. If going to holiday events or family gatherings makes you feel anxious, having a tangible keepsake close at hand gives you an anchor to steady yourself in the present and find a moment of calm.

Memorial Keepsakes Encourage Conversation

Memorial keepsakes can serve as a bridge to meaningful conversations. When you lose someone, it’s normal to miss having meaningful conversations with them. But a memorial keepsake allows you to keep those conversations going.

If you welcome visitors into your home, a displayed memorial keepsake can act as a reminder of your loved one and spark conversation among guests. A cherished keepsake can encourage family and friends to share favorite memories, opening the door to starting conversations that help you heal. These shared stories will fill your home with warmth and connection as you reminisce together about your loved one.

In private, a memorial keepsake can be a chance to talk to your loved one aloud, share what is on your mind, or simply say, “I miss you.”

Woman gazing at a picture frame with a photo and candle on a table. No matter when or where you need comfort, memorial keepsakes can help ease your burden, give you permission to grieve, and allow you to revisit favorite memories of your loved one. With a special keepsake close by, you can support your healing and move forward as you learn how to navigate life without them.

Oct 14

Love0

Woman in warm coat riding a bike through a forest filled with fall leaves and barren trees

Nature & Your Grief Journey

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss, Living Well

Grieving is not easy, and it can be one of the most difficult yet potentially strengthening journeys of your life. But to become a stronger person on the other side of the grief journey, you must walk through the pain, no matter how difficult. As Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected author and grief expert, puts it, “You don’t get to go around or above your grief. You must go through it.”

One habit that has helped many people process their grief is spending time in nature. You may be thinking, “Nah, I’m not an outdoorsy person. That won’t work for me.” Before you dismiss the idea, take a moment to read through some of the benefits of adding time outdoors to your schedule.

Nature reminds you that death is part of the cycle of life.

As much as we’d like to escape death, it is a part of life. The natural cycle is very evident in the cyclical nature of the seasons. In the spring, life begins anew, continues into summer, begins to fall in autumn, and dies in winter. But there is hope because life begins again. In many ways, every person experiences these seasons. Perhaps you are in the winter of your grief and feeling lifeless on the inside, but as you walk through your grief, spring will come.

Nature provides physical evidence that life does go on.

Similarly, just as the seasons highlight that death is a part of life, they also act as a reminder that life goes on. This cycle of birth, life, death, and rebirth helps put life and death in perspective. Even though it may feel like life has stopped with the death of your loved one, it hasn’t. In some ways, this truth may make you angry (how can life just keep going?), but there is also comfort and assurance in the certainty of the continuation of life.

“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” Albert Camus

Nature nurtures mental and emotional health.

A Stanford-led study found that people who walked in natural areas (versus urban) showed a significant decrease in brain activity associated with depression. In fact, research also shows that there is a link between a connection to nature and faster recovery rates, reduced stress, and less severe symptoms in both mental and physical disorders. Just looking at nature can be beneficial to your health.

Nature demands nothing from you.

During times of grief, you may feel pulled in many different directions. Work. Family. Friends. Endless errands. All the big and small responsibilities of life. In contrast to these things (even though they are good), nature asks nothing of you. In many ways, it gives you something. It accepts you as you are, never asking questions or demanding answers. And during times of grief, a quiet break from all the noise can be just what you need.

“Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.” Albert Einstein

Nature provides quietness and solitude.

When you’re grieving, time away to think and process is necessary but can be hard to achieve. Go for a walk, gear up for a bike ride, or hike a mountain trail. All of these things give you the time and solitude needed to process your thoughts. You have an opportunity to enjoy the quietness without feeling cut off from the world. And when needed, you can talk out loud to yourself or your loved one without an audience.

Nature allows you to disconnect from the world around you.

In a world that is becoming increasingly chaotic and negative, sometimes you just need time to unplug, especially when you’re processing feelings of grief. For some, it’s hard to completely unplug, but doing so is valuable and healthy. Taking time to enjoy nature gives you the opportunity to embrace the world without its distractions and miscommunications. Even if something is good and positive, isn’t it nice to take a little break?

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.” John Lubbock

Nature brings wonder back into your life.

When you’ve lost someone, life can seem a bit dimmer. Its joys aren’t as joyful; its mysteries aren’t as fascinating. But nature can help bring wonder back into your life. The majesty of the Rocky Mountains; the beauty of a sun-kissed beach, flanked by turquoise waters; the rolling green hills of spring. Nature is limitless in its artistry and can remind you that there is still beauty in the world.

Nature draws your attention outward.

Grief is often mentally exhausting. In some cases, the events of the death play in your mind over and over again, especially in the case of an unexpected or traumatic death. Most of your life is lived within your own mind, where you can get caught up in circular thoughts that may not be healthy for you. Nature can be an outlet for your thoughts and draw your attention outward, giving your brain a much-needed break.

“In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.” John Muir

Nature activates social support if you enjoy it with others.

As a human being, you’re wired for interaction and community. During times of grief, some people tend to isolate themselves, perhaps as a defense mechanism against further pain. But, despite the pain, it’s important to receive support from others. You aren’t meant to go through life alone. If you enjoy walking or hiking, invite a friend to join you and allow them to support you through your grief.

These are only a few of the reasons why nature positively benefits any grief journey. If you decide to incorporate outdoor activities into your life, start out slowly. The act of grieving is tiring. If you can only walk for five minutes before you need a break, start out with five minutes. Over time, you will be able to go for longer periods.

As you begin, don’t worry about what other people are doing to deal with their own grief. This is about you and your personal grief journey. Find what works best for you and stick with it until you come to a place where the pang of loss doesn’t sting quite as deeply.

Aug 30

Love0

Give Yourself Permission to Grieve

By christy.kessler AfterCare, Grief/Loss

You give yourself permission to grieve by recognizing the need for grieving. Grieving is the natural way of working through the loss of a love. [It] is not weakness nor absence of faith. Grieving is as natural as crying when you are hurt, sleeping when you are tired or sneezing when your nose itches. It is nature’s way of healing a broken heart. – Doug Manning

Family of three sitting on a bench outside, but the father is slightly transparent indicating that he is not actually present

In today’s world, grieving well can be difficult. Those who are hurting often feel like they have to “be strong” for others, whether it be family members, co-workers, or even strangers. In many ways, culture encourages us to hide our pain and appear like we’ve “got it all together” within days of losing a loved one.

Many of us even shy away from pain, fearing that if we let our feelings have free rein, we will be seen as “out of control.” Our minds rebel against the idea of anyone seeing our pain, how deeply affected we are, how not okay we feel inside.

But despite what culture says, what people may think, or what you’ve grown up hearing, expressing grief is the first step on the road to healing.

Grief Is a Natural Response

At its heart, grief is the natural result of love. When you love others deeply and wholly, you open yourself up to the grief that comes when they leave this world. And while death is a part of life, knowing that it’s coming doesn’t make processing a loss any easier when it happens.

Did you know that the word “bereaved” literally means “to be torn apart”? By that definition, when you’re grieving, you are being torn apart inside. It’s no wonder that you may feel tired, withdrawn, and quiet after a loss. During times like this, remember to be patient and allow yourself to go through the grief process.

Close-up on girl in green shirt crying with tears in her eyelashes

Nationally respected author, counselor, and grief educator, Dr. Alan Wolfelt, puts it this way: “Over many years of walking with people in grief, I have discovered that most of us are hard on ourselves when we are in mourning. We judge ourselves and we shame ourselves and we take care of ourselves last.”

The simple truth is that it’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to NOT “be strong” in the face of loss. It’s okay to give yourself permission to grieve, to give outward expression to the internal anguish of your soul. You should feel free to express your emotions, not hide from them or feel ashamed of them. They are what they are, and they are a natural response to what you’ve lost.

Grief Is a Journey

By giving yourself permission to grieve, you begin a journey. The journey will require a lot from you, but it’s a road worth taking.

On the journey, you may feel many things: pain, loneliness, restlessness, vulnerability, fright, peacefulness, comfort, and love. As Dr. Wolfelt tells us, “Never forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever. It’s not that you won’t be happy again. It’s simply that you will never be exactly the same as you were before the death.” Life will not be the same as it was before, but you can find a way to move forward.

Other people may not understand the depth of what you are feeling, and they don’t have to. You don’t need permission from other people to grieve. No matter how you express your grief – silence, weeping, screaming, quietness, thoughtfulness – it’s never going to fit into any particular mold. In fact, there is no “grief” mold. Every single person grieves the loss of a loved one differently, and that’s as it should be.

Grief Is a Process

As you begin your personal grief journey, remember these tips from Dr. Wolfelt:

1. Realize that your grief is unique.

No one else is exactly like you, and the relationship you enjoyed with your loved one was one-of-a-kind.

2. Take time to talk about your grief.

Sometimes it’s helpful to talk with a safe person about the emotions swirling around inside you. Or you can write your thoughts down in a journal. Find a way to express what’s on the inside.

3. Anticipate feeling a range of emotions.

People experience many emotions after the loss of a loved one: shock, numbness, denial, anxiety, fear, guilt, sadness, relief, and more. You will feel some of these. It’s normal and natural to do so.

4. Be mindful of your physical and emotional limits.

You will be more tired, more emotionally sensitive. Learn what is too much for you right now and take things easy.

5. Find people to support you.

You don’t need to walk this journey alone. If you don’t have someone who can provide the support you need, find an organized grief support group.

6. Make use of tradition and ritual.

Take comfort in rituals as you remember a loved one. For example, you could watch your loved one’s favorite movie every year and keep the ritual (tradition) alive as a way to remember them.

7. Treasure your memories.

Write down the meaningful moments. Tell the stories. Share the essence of your loved one’s life with others. Cherish your memories; they will be a continual reserve of peace and comfort.

Grief Is Not a Problem to Be Solved

Finally, remember that grief is not an issue to be solved. It’s a natural part of being human, and it’s a process you must face for however long it takes. You may naturally prefer to ignore your pain, but trying to ignore it won’t make it go away. In fact, stuffing grief away can have serious consequences, and in some people, can lead to complicated grief or depression. Rather than avoid what you feel, give yourself permission to grieve. It just might be the best gift you can give yourself during a time of loss.

For more information about grief, check out the resources below:

When to Consider Professional Grief Therapy
10 Helpful Tips When Grieving a Loss
12 of the Best Books on Grief
10 Adult Coloring Books for Your Grief Journey
How Creativity Can Help You Deal with Loss
Grief & Difficult Relationships

Aug 18

Love0

Woman gives gift to grieving friend while they both sit on a couch

The Love Languages of Grief: Identifying and Asking for the Most Effective Grief Support for You

By christy.kessler Educational, Grief/Loss

When it comes to mourning and how others can best help us, there’s no one right way. Every person and every loss is unique. The people we grieve the loss of – as well as the circumstances of the loss – are also one-of-a-kind. After a significant loss, what we think and feel inside, in what ways we’re able to express those thoughts and feelings, and how we feel supported by others vary from person to person and loss to loss.

Yet, in his landmark 1995 book The Five Love Languages, author Dr. Gary Chapman introduced us to the idea that human beings feel cared for by others in five primary ways:

Receiving gifts
Spending quality time together
Hearing words of affirmation
Being the beneficiary of acts of service
Experiencing physical touch

White camellia flower in bush

According to Dr. Chapman, each of us “speaks” one of the five love languages. In other words, we feel most loved when we experience the language best suited to our unique personalities and ways of being in the world. We might also respond to a second or third love language, but we always prefer our primary love language.

In reviewing Dr. Chapman’s love languages recently, I realized that grouping the various helping techniques in this way could help mourners understand and recognize which forms of support and communication might be most effective for them.

I invite you to consider the following five ways of being supported in your grief. Which love language helps you the most?

1. Receiving gifts

In Dr. Chapman’s body of work, gifts of love are actual gifts – tangible, visible objects that we give to someone we care about as a means of expressing our affection and devotion. People whose primary love language is receiving gifts see presents as physical symbols of others’ love and thoughtfulness.

Do you enjoy getting presents? Are you someone who displays gift items in your home and feels a burst of love and support each time you see them? If so, receiving gifts might be your love language.

If you are someone who values the love language of gifts, consider letting your friends and family know that you really feel supported by tokens of empathy. You might appreciate flowers, for example. You might welcome gifts of food, inspirational books, photo frames, music, candles and ornaments.

With this love language, it can be tricky to ask for what you need. “Please give me gifts!” would be considered impolite by many. Still, consider sharing what you’ve learned about your love language with a good friend or empathetic family member who is also an excellent communicator. Perhaps she/he can take on the role of explaining to others the lasting meaning and ongoing support you find in physical objects.

And when you do receive a gift, be sure to write a heartfelt note of thanks or make a thank-you phone call.

2. Spending quality time together

For many people, there is no present more precious than the gift of presence.

Do you love spending time with the people who care about you? Do you enjoy their company, even when you’re not doing anything special together? Do you prefer company to solitude? If so, quality time might be your love language.

Let friends and family know the best way they can help you during your time of grief is simply to be there for you – literally. You crave and need their physical presence. Maybe you don’t want to be alone. Maybe you like lots of people around. If so, tell them.

Think about how you like to spend time with others. Playing cards? Watching TV? Going out and about? Hanging out in the same house but doing separate activities? Whatever you prefer, let friends and family know because they may feel unsure about what to do.

Consider, too, if you feel supported when you have the opportunity to talk to others about your grief. In general, sharing your story of love and loss is a good idea. It helps you work through your thoughts and feelings. Bottling those thoughts and feelings up inside can seem safer, but it’s actually more dangerous because it puts you at risk of becoming stuck in your grief journey.

Of course, your friends and family members aren’t the only ones who can help you with this love language. Be proactive about getting involved in your community. Volunteering, participating in activities at a place of worship or community group, socializing with neighbors – these are all effective ways to build in more quality time with other people.

And don’t forget that grief never completely ends. If this is your love language, you will need the healing presence of friends and family not just in the first month or two after the death but far into the future. Reaching out to plan ongoing get-togethers will help you receive the support you need.

3. Hearing words of affirmation

This griever feels most supported by words that are kind and encouraging. “Words of affirmation” might be your love language if you have a deep appreciation for hearing others tell you:

I love you.
I care about you.
I’m here for you for.
You are so loved/strong/genuine because _______________.
I have seen how you _______________.
You make a difference in the world by ______________.
Many people ______________ you.

If this describes you, let your friends and family know how meaningful you find it when they share these kinds of verbal messages with you. Tell them that their words of encouragement and support lift you up and help you through the darkest times.

Written words may be affirming to you as well. While they’re no replacement for in-person or phone conversations, handwritten notes, emails, and even texts may also be helpful and encouraging to you. If you’re a verbal griever, be sure to encourage all forms of spoken and written communications.

4. Being the beneficiary of acts of service

For some grievers, actions speak more loudly than words or mere presence. Do you appreciate help with tasks? Do you feel cared for when others go out of their way to help you with things that need doing? If so, this might be your love language.

Since the death of your loved one, have others said to you, “Let me know if I can do anything?” It’s a natural impulse for friends and family members to want to do something to show their support. Usually what happens, though, is that grievers don’t ask for assistance, so no assistance takes place.

So please, ask for assistance! People often do genuinely want to help, but they don’t know how. Suggest tasks and to-dos that suit their strengths. Ask your gardener friends to help with yard work, for example. Ask your bookkeeper family member to help with home accounting, bill paying, or tax preparation.

If one of your friends or family members is a good administrator, you might sit down with this person and go over all of the tasks that you need help with right now. This person can then assign the tasks out to others in your circle of support.

Finally, if this is your love language and you’ve asked your inner circle for help with tasks but aren’t receiving it, don’t be reticent to reach out beyond your inner circle. Others are waiting in the wings. Places of worship, volunteer organizations, neighborhood committees – these and other service-oriented groups often have programs and maintain lists of volunteers to assist with needs such as yours. It is likely that helping grieving families is something they would be glad to do. All you have to do is ask.

5. Experiencing physical touch

The griever who thrives on physical touch needs closeness. Are you someone who enjoys hugging, sitting close to others, maintaining eye contact, holding hands, and/or walking arm-in-arm? If so, this might be your love language.

If you’re someone who’s always valued physical touch, your friends and family members will know to expect it from you. Don’t stop now! You may, however, want to emphasize to them how extra-necessary you find their hugs and physical closeness during your time of grief.

If this is your love language, you might also be more prone to physical symptoms of grief. It’s common for people in mourning to experience stomachaches, heart palpitations, headaches, lack of sleep, and other physical symptoms. If bodily problems are making it hard for you to function and focus on healing, it’s a good idea to schedule a physical exam. Your primary caregiver may be able to help you with insomnia or other symptoms and put fears of illness to rest as well.

Those who crave touch will be soothed by regular contact. In addition to physical closeness with family and friends, physical activity may help you right now. Or consider inviting someone to take a walk with you each day. Physical proximity combined with exercise and supportive conversation may be just what you need to feel loved and supported right now.

I believe Dr. Chapman’s love languages offer a helpful framework for recognizing and understanding your own primary love language so that you know how to ask for and receive the most effective support in your grief. If you are interested in learning more about the love languages, you may want to read one of Dr. Chapman’s books on the topic. He has written versions focused on partners, parenting children, men and other types of relationships. The original and flagship title in the series was reissued in 2015 by Northfield Publishing under the title The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.

About the Author:

Dr. Alan Wolfelt is a noted author, educator, and grief counselor. Dr. Wolfelt believes that meaningful funeral experiences help families and friends support one another, embrace their feelings, and embark on the journey to healing and transcendence. Recipient of the Association of Death Education and Counseling’s Death Educator Award, Dr. Wolfelt presents workshops across the world to grieving families, funeral home staffs, and other caregivers. He also teaches training courses for bereavement caregivers at the Center for Loss and Life Transition in Fort Collins, Colorado, where he serves as Director. Dr. Wolfelt is on the faculty of the University of Colorado Medical School’s Department of Family Medicine. He is also the author of many bestselling books, including Understanding Your Grief, The Mourner’s Book of Hope, Creating Meaningful Funeral Ceremonies, and The Paradoxes of Grief: Healing Your Grief With Three Forgotten Truths. For more information, visit www.centerforloss.com

Aug 14

Love0

NYC night skyline with two lights lighting the sky in place of the Twin Towers

9/11: Grief and Remembrance

By christy.kessler Current Events, Exclude from Top Posts, Grief/Loss

It’s been 25 years since the devastating terrorist attacks of 9/11. On September 11, 2001, two planes hit the World Trade Center in New York City, and one plane crashed into the Pentagon in Arlington County, Virginia. A fourth plane, headed to Washington D.C., was brought down in a Pennsylvania field in a struggle between civilian passengers and the hijackers. 2,996 lives were lost, and thousands were injured.

American Tragedy

The effects of the tragedy on American life were monumental, and the image of the planes hitting the buildings was burned into our collective consciousness. Across the nation, citizens sat in front of television screens, hardly able to believe their eyes. Over and over again, news stations showed the planes tearing through steel and glass, the plumes of smoke rising to the sky, and the citizens, firefighters, and police officers of New York City caked in dust and rubble.

As a nation, we mourned together. We mourned the disruption of national security, the desecration of a national symbol, and most discouraging of all, the loss of nearly 3,000 American lives. In 2009, Congress designated September 11 as a National Day of Service and Remembrance, officially marking the day as a time to reflect on the tragedy and honor the lives that were lost.

Personal Tragedy

But September 11 is hardest of all for families and friends who lost loved ones on that day. While the entire nation mourns the loss of its citizens, nobody grieves like a wife who lost her husband, a father who lost his daughter, or a child who lost a parent. For those who were personally connected to the victims of the terrorist attack, the weeks of early September are often extremely difficult to get through.

In the aftermath of 9/11, many of those who were personally tied to the attacks experienced significant psychological trauma. Many of the injured civilians, first responders, family members of the victims, and people who witnessed the terrorist attack firsthand struggled with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and sought out counseling and therapy. The events of 9/11 changed their lives forever, and their pain needs to be acknowledged by a loving and supportive community.

Support and Remembrance

For this reason, it’s important that we continue to show them that we care. We don’t need to crowd or overwhelm them. But we do need to honor the memory of their loved ones and take time to remember. When September 11 comes around, it’s tempting to dive into distractions to avoid thinking about the tragedy. But instead, we should take this time to fully address the events that occurred 25 years ago. Remembrance is the gateway to healing.

Moment of Silence

We are creatures of ceremony, and in difficult times, we often turn to rituals to acknowledge our true feelings. Funeral services do a particularly good job of allowing us to embrace our emotions. Funeral elements such as the visitation, the gathering, the time of eulogy, and the use of symbols, music, and readings enhance the ceremony.

In the same way, when a cultural event changes our lives, we can turn to rituals to process our thoughts. The moment of silence is a useful ritual we can participate in every year. This September 11, consider planning a personal moment of silence. In this way, you join others across the country in remembering the lives lost and showing your respect.

Meaningful Actions

Actions bring meaning to experience and help us heal. If you have an American flag, fly it at half-mast to honor the memory of the 9/11 victims. This national ritual functions as a powerful symbol of mourning and unifies us in our grief.

You can also use your social media account to express your support. On Facebook, you can like the National September 11 Memorial & Museum, or you can follow the Memorial Museum Account on X. Ask your family and friends to support this wonderful museum on their accounts as well. By doing so, you draw attention to a resource that does great work in honoring the lives lost on 9/11.

A Time of Healing

Times of reflection are times of healing. We need constant reminders, year after year. It will be healing when we remember in 2037, 2057, and 2077. We will never be “over” 9/11. By acknowledging the pain of the loss and allowing ourselves to mourn, we strengthen our ties and experience something valuable.

As anyone who has ever lost a loved one knows, the grief journey is not linear. Grief bursts occur throughout the lifetime of anyone who has experienced a loss. National grief bursts can occur as well, so it’s important that we acknowledge the continuation of grief after the tragedy. September 11 will never stop hurting. But through acts of remembrance, we can take healing steps, grow closer to each other, cultivate compassion, and become stronger people.

Jul 17

Love0

Close up of a man holding a picture frame and a woman pointing to it.

How Talking to a Deceased Loved One Can Help You Process Grief

By Becca Corbett Grief/Loss

After losing a loved one, you may find yourself wishing that you could still talk to that special person from time to time. There may be things you wish you’d been able to say before their death, or there may be new things happening in your life now that you want to share. For many people, talking to a deceased loved one is a natural and helpful part of the grieving process. But keep in mind that this practice can look different for everyone.

Today, let’s discuss the benefits of talking to a deceased loved one, how you can put it into practice, and how it can become part of your grieving process.

Why Should I Talk to My Loved One?

You may find it surprising, but talking to a deceased loved one can benefit your mental, emotional, and physical health. This act of expression helps you find comfort and relief, and it can help you process your feelings. Let’s look at each benefit more closely.

Mental Health Benefits

Grief can take a toll on your mental health, possibly making you feel more anxious, depressed, or unable to cope with everyday responsibilities. Where your thoughts used to be ordered and familiar, you may feel like they are now all over the place and perhaps a little out of control.

When you speak to your loved one, you give all those scattered thoughts a place to go. That release can ease the anxiety of carrying everything alone in your head. Talking to a loved one can also strengthen your connection to them, making the loneliness of grief feel lighter. And when you feel less anxious and less alone, the everyday things you need to do become a little easier to manage.

Emotional Health Benefits

Feelings of sadness, guilt, and anger are all natural after losing a loved one and can feel overwhelming at times. By expressing those emotions, you ease the weight of carrying them. Talking with your loved one out loud creates a positive outlet for the feelings you’re holding inside, helping you process difficult emotions and care for your emotional health.

Rather than bottling everything up, talking to your loved one gives you a space to work through your emotions. As you share what’s on your heart, you may find a sense of relief you didn’t expect.

Physical Health Benefits

When you’re grieving, you may also experience physical symptoms, such as tiredness and brain fog. Sometimes, those physical effects can leave you feeling tense, restless, or overwhelmed. Speaking to your loved one can be a source of stress relief, helping you feel calmer after sharing what’s on your mind. Maybe you are struggling with sleep, and talking to your loved one at night brings you a sense of peace.

At times, these conversations may prompt an emotional release that you’ve been holding back. Through tears, a deep sigh, or simply feeling less tense afterward, expressing yourself can ease some of the physical strain that often accompanies grief.

How Do I Get Started?

There’s no right or wrong way to talk to your lost loved one, and there’s no specific place you need to be. And don’t worry about saying anything super impactful. A simple “I miss you” or “I love you” can be enough. The point of the practice is to stay connected to your loved one as you process their death and learn how to move forward.

Ways to Talk

There are many different ways that you can talk to a deceased loved one, and here are some options to consider. You could talk like your loved one is sitting next to you, or if you prefer, you can keep the conversation in your head. You could leave a note at a gravesite or talk to their photo on the nightstand. Alternatively, you may find it easier to speak to a loved one while doing an activity you used to do together, such as cooking a favorite recipe or tending the garden.

Places to Talk

For some, it might be easier to communicate with a loved one at a meaningful place. Maybe you feel closest to them when visiting their final resting place at the cemetery, or perhaps you feel their presence most at a favorite park, coffee shop, or art gallery you used to visit together.

On the other hand, your home can also be a comforting place to talk to your loved one. Walking by their urn on the mantel, a photo on the fridge, their hat on the rack, or their favorite recliner might encourage you to feel their presence and keep their memory alive.

Wherever you choose to go, what matters most is that the space feels safe and personal to you.

When Should I Talk to Them?

Ultimately, you can speak to your loved one as often as you like. It all depends on how you’re feeling and what you need in the moment. Here are a few examples of when you may feel a strong need to talk to your lost loved one.

Little Moments in Your Daily Life

You may find yourself wanting to include your loved one in your daily life. Whether you tell them your son loved the remote-control car you got him or that your daughter got straight A’s on her report card, these small updates can keep their memory woven into your everyday moments.

Special Events

Holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries often hold more weight after a loss, and you may feel your loved one’s absence more than usual. Talking to your loved one about the milestones they’re missing can help you include them in important moments, like your daughter getting her license, your mom’s retirement, or the birth of your first grandchild.

An orange butterfly sitting on a purple flower. Unexpected Moments of Remembrance

Sometimes, the unexpected moments are what bring your loved one to mind. Maybe you hear the song from the father-daughter dance at your wedding, drive past the stadium where your son played baseball, or catch sight of the restaurant where you used to share tacos with your grandma. It might even be a lone sock that turns up in the laundry, a photo that appears in your phone’s memories, or a butterfly that reminds you of their free spirit.

These moments of remembrance are known as grief triggers, and while they can catch you off guard, they can also become an invitation to connect. Instead of pushing these unexpected moments away, lean into them. Turn a painful moment into a positive experience by telling your loved one that you heard their song today or that you miss those Taco Tuesdays. By turning the trigger into an opportunity, you transform the heartache into something meaningful.

What If I Didn’t Have a Great Relationship with My Loved One?

Sometimes, grief is harder because the relationship was complicated. You may have unresolved feelings or thoughts that you couldn’t express while your loved one was still here on earth.

Even if your relationship wasn’t the best, you can still find a resolution even after that person has died. You might consider talking to a counselor or writing a letter to say all the things left unsaid. Whether the other person can hear you or not doesn’t matter. This moment is for you – a way to face the unfortunate reality that your loved one is gone before you could resolve things between you.

Give Yourself Time

Grief is a process with no set timeline. There is no “normal” when it comes to grieving because everyone’s journey is unique. If you think talking to your loved one will help you process your grief, give it a try. If it’s not for you, that’s okay, too.

There’s not one right way to express what you’re feeling. Your words might be thoughtful, emotional, angry, confused, or all of the above. When you’re talking to a loved one, you don’t need to focus on being perfectly polite. Find what works for you and gradually move toward healing. However you choose to navigate your grief, keeping your loved one close in your heart and in your words is a powerful choice.

Additional Resources

Grief & the Six Needs of Mourning
The Capacity to Love: The Reason We Grieve
Recognizing Unhealthy Coping Habits

Jul 12

Love0

10 Caring and Creative Sympathy Gifts

By christy.kessler Educational, Grief/Loss, Helping a Friend in Grief

When someone you know and care about loses someone they love, you may naturally want to reach out to offer your support. But what are the best ways to do that? Writing a condolence letter or attending the funeral are great options, but a sympathy gift can also communicate that you care.

While the most common sympathy gifts are flowers and memorial donations, there are so many other things you can do to walk alongside a grieving friend. Check out these 10 non-traditional ideas and see if any of these gift options inspire you.

1. Share Photos the Family Doesn’t Have

If you have any photos of the person who has died, consider sharing a copy with the grieving family. New images of a lost loved one can be comforting and heartwarming and help the family tap into events that shaped their loved one’s unique life. If you have access to a lot of photos, you could even put together a thoughtful collage and send it to the family with a condolence card.

2. Put Together a Self-Care Giftbox

Grief can take a toll on the body, both physically and emotionally. Because grief can be so exhausting, self-care becomes even more important. Dr. Alan Wolfelt, respected grief expert and counselor, says, “Good self-care is important [when you’re grieving]. The ‘lethargy of grief’ you are probably experiencing is a natural mechanism intended to slow you down and encourage you to care for your body.” To encourage your grieving friend to consider their own needs, consider putting together a care package filled with bubble bath, moisturizing lotion, face masks, or even a gift card for a manicure, pedicure, or massage.

3. Help Around the House

If you like to help in practical ways, you can offer to clean the house, mow the lawn, cook meals, or shop for groceries. We all tend to say, “Don’t worry; I’ll get to it,” but during times of grief, the most routine tasks take an extra measure of energy to accomplish. When you first offer, your friend may decline because they don’t want to inconvenience you. Kindly but firmly let them know that helping them is not inconvenient at all, and either offer to do specific tasks or ask them which tasks would be most helpful.

4. Gift a Grief Journal or Sketchbook

During times of grief, expressing what’s on your heart and mind is helpful. For some, that means writing things down, allowing the emotions to pour out on paper. Others need to sketch or paint their emotions, using various colors to depict different emotions. Creativity is an effective tool for expressing externally what is sometimes stuck internally. If you know that your grieving friend is a writer or an artist (and even if they aren’t), giving them a journal or a sketchbook might create a good outlet for self-expression.

5. Choose a Book about Grief

When you’re in the depths of grief, you might draw courage and inspiration from the stories of others. While your grief is not the same as someone else’s, hearing from other people can act as a reminder that you’re not alone. Everyone grieves and hurts. There are many books available about grief because every person deals with it at some point in their lives, though an often noted classic to consider is A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis.

6. Create a Message Jar

With this idea, you’re a little more hands-on. Creating a message jar will take time and intentionality, but the results are comforting and worthwhile. To get started, you need a jar (you choose the size, color, decoration), and then, using slips of paper, write 31 notes with words of encouragement to your grieving friend. After receiving the jar, your friend will have an entire month’s worth of comfort and encouragement from you. If you wish to write fewer notes or more than 31, you can tailor the jar’s contents to your wishes. No matter the number of notes, this thoughtful gift will communicate just how much you care and show that your support is long-term.

7. Do Something for the Kids

Children also experience grief, and noticing their needs can comfort kids and parents alike. If you decide to do something for the kids, make sure to take their age into account. For example, you could give a stuffed animal to a small child or a remembrance necklace to an older one. You could bring favorite foods, books, or a specially made Christmas ornament. Your options are limitless. (Note: If you aren’t close to the family, consider getting permission from the caregivers before giving gifts to the kids.)

8. Offer Babysitting

Offering to take care of the kids for an evening is another practical gift you can give to a grieving family. The adult(s) may need time to think and process through overwhelming emotions, which can be very hard to do with little ones around. Time alone, or just the opportunity to go do some things solo, can be a rejuvenating and life-giving gift.

9. Volunteer Your PTO

Employment responsibilities don’t stop because you’re grieving. Some companies provide bereavement days, but there may be restrictions, such as only pertaining to the loss of immediate family. If you are close to a grieving co-worker, and your company allows it, you might consider donating one of your vacation days to a friend who needs a little extra time away from the office. While dependent on your company’s policies and whether you have any PTO days available, giving someone extra time to grieve is an incredible gift that can make a big impact on the days surrounding the death of a loved one.

10. Be Present

While some people do want to be alone in their grief, your presence is important. Not your advice or your own grief experiences, but your presence. Quiet. Thoughtful. Present. Available. We all need to know that someone cares, that someone acknowledges our grief and our right to grieve. Consider how you can simply be present and available to your grieving friend, and when they are ready, you can be a listening ear to someone who simply needs a friend.

Two elderly male friends walking and talking together

This list is far from exhaustive. If you’ve come up with another way to show your grieving friend that you care, go for it! The most important thing is to thoughtfully and meaningfully convey your love, support, and care during a time of grief and loss.

For more useful ideas and suggestions, check out:

Sympathy Gifts You Can Mail
Sympathy Cards: What to Write & Examples
8 Simple Tips for Writing a Meaningful Condolence Letter