Grief/Loss Archives - Page 3 of 17 - Funeral Basics

Jun 25

Love0

Woman sitting at a table at home with flowers, colored pencils, and a coloring book in front of her

10 Adult Coloring Books for Your Grief Journey

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss

After the death of a loved one, you may feel a little (or a lot) stressed, worried, sad, anxious, or depressed. Thankfully, art therapy is a proven relaxation method, and it’s easily accessible. With art therapy, you engage in creative activities, like journaling, singing, dancing, and yes, even coloring. In recent studies, it was discovered that coloring can reduce stress, depression, anxiety, and even blood pressure. All of these are excellent reasons to consider purchasing an adult coloring book and adding a little creativity to your grief journey.

To learn more about the benefits of coloring, take a moment to read How Coloring Helps You Grieve.

10 Adult Color Books for Your Grief Journey

Each of these 10 adult coloring books focuses specifically on grief and offering encouragement and solace for the hurting heart. Let’s take a look.

1. Remember Grief is Love

With 50 different floral designs, this coloring book will act as a comforting tool throughout the grief journey. Filled with encouraging quotes and therapeutic images, this coloring book is perfect of anyone who is grieving – friend, mother, husband, or even yourself. It is printed on premium white paper with large font and is available in either paperback or hardback.

Click here to view the coloring book.

2. Grief: Spiritual & Comforting Coloring Book for Teens & Adults

In this coloring book, you will find 35 different designs. Their images range from delightful landscapes, to flowers, animals, and inspiring quotes. And for those who also like to write down their thoughts, journaling space is provided throughout the book. This will give you space to share any memories that arise as you color. Another bonus – each page is backed with black paper to prevent distracting bleed-through!

Click here to view the coloring book.

3. Grief in Color

“Grief in Color” is quite versatile, including 100 pages of encouraging quotes, beautiful coloring pages, and journal writing prompts. With its compact design (a 6×9 inch notebook), you can easily carry it with you wherever you go. The coloring pages do include black backing to assist with bleed-through. As you work through its pages, this coloring book will help you calm your mind and really engage with your feelings of grief.

Click here to view the coloring book.

4. My Healing Journey: 29 Coloring Affirmations for a Grieving Heart

Created after the loss of a very dear friend, the author says that for her and her daughter “the simple act of coloring, with its steady strokes and vibrant hues, became a haven for us — a way to bond, reflect, and begin the journey of healing.” With its 29 illustrated affirmations, this coloring book will provide a comforting refuge when the waves of grief come crashing in. There’s plenty of space on each page for you to color, and the single-sided pages allow you to color with any medium – pens, pencils, or even markers.

Click here to view the coloring book.

5. Be Still & Know Coloring Book

For those who find comfort in the Book of Psalms, this coloring book may be for you. With 60 full-size coloring pages, the quotes included are well-known and beloved messages of peace and rest for the weary. There are even two pages of small cards you can color, cut, and share with friends! With its single-sided pages made from thick cardstock, feel free to get as creative as you want on the journey toward healing.

Click here to view the coloring book.

6. Remembering Mom

Losing your mom can be an absolutely devastating loss. Oftentimes, moms have been by your side for your entire life and to move forward without them may feel impossible. With its comforting messages, this coloring book will help you honor and remember your mom, allowing you to express the love and loss that you feel. It consists of 24 coloring pages that give you space to personalize your experience by adding notes, pictures, or even drawings.

Click here to view the coloring book.

7. Remembering Dad

Written by the same author as “Remembering Mom,” this coloring book instead focuses on the special relationship between a father and his children. Whether you are grieving the loss of a father, grandfather, or father figure, the whimsical designs will help you process the grief you are feeling after losing a dad you love. Additionally, the pages are set up to allow you to frame and display any designs that bring particular comfort.

Click here to view the coloring book.

8. Reflections of Love

In this book, you will find quotes and verses combined with a whimsical illustration style. Its 50 coloring pages are designed to provide a comforting, healing, and relaxing experience. You will have time to thoughtfully reflect on the loss you’ve gone through and remember the person you love. Coloring will not stop the pain you are feeling. But it can help ease it by allowing you to creatively express what you’re feeling in a safe and private space.

Click here to view the coloring book.

9. My Grief Journey: Coloring Book and Journal (for Grieving Parents)

Losing a child is one of the most difficult things a parent will ever face. Author Laura Diehl knows that personally. In this coloring book, she uses her own experience of child loss to provide comfort and insight to other parents going through the unimaginable. With a strong emphasis on the Holy Bible and her faith, Diehl uses hand-drawn art and journal prompts to help parents do the work of grief and find a way to move forward following the death of a child.

Click here to view the coloring book.

10. Colors of Loss and Healing

In this book designed by a grief counselor, you will find 40 lovely designs intended to help you quiet your mind and confront the pain of loss in a way that is both kind and productive. The grief journey takes time – there is no specific timeline. As you journey toward healing, this coloring book will offer a place of contemplation, solitude, and reflection that will bring more peace to your everyday life.

Click here to view the coloring book.

Person sitting at table and actively coloring

Healing after loss takes time. However, with so many coloring books to choose from, you are sure to find solace and encouragement for many weeks, months, or even years, to come.

If you’d prefer coloring books not specifically related to grief, here are a few highly rated options you might consider: Secret Garden, Worlds of Wonder, 100 Flowers, Disney Dreams: Thomas Kinkade, or 100 Amazing Patterns. There are, of course, so many others available online and in stores.

Whatever you decide, the benefits of coloring will remain the same. Simply choose what seems best to you and use coloring to strengthen your heart and mind for the grief journey ahead.

*Funeral Basics does not receive commission for or endorse any of the affiliated product links.

Jun 25

Love0

Focus on colored pencils and right hand coloring a page

How Coloring Can Help You Grieve

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss

While we know that coloring is an excellent activity for children, did you know that it’s also a beneficial activity for adults? This can be especially true during the grief journey. After a loss, self-care is extremely important (though you may be tempted to overlook it). Because coloring promotes relaxation, reduces stress and anxiety, and even decreases blood pressure, it can be a useful self-care tool. To help you determine if coloring is something you should include on your grief journey, consider these 7 benefits.

1. Coloring creates a quiet, contemplative space

Grief comes with a lot of feelings, and some of them can be overwhelming. Anxiety, fear, worry, depression. When these emotions are filling your mind, it’s helpful to take time to pause, reflect, and calm your racing thoughts. Coloring can give you much-needed space to do so. And once those thoughts are manageable, you can begin to problem solve and sort through your feelings with more clarity.

2. Coloring reduces depression and anxiety

As strange as it may sound, there’s research out there showing that coloring can reduce anxiety and depression. In a 2017 study, 104 university students were asked to either color or complete a logic puzzle every day for a week. Of the 54 participants who chose coloring, each reported reduced anxiety and depression as compared to the beginning of the study. Another study from 2020 in older adults showed that 20 minutes of mandala coloring each day significantly reduced anxiety. On the whole, coloring has a calming effect, which leads to less depression and anxiety.

3. Coloring lowers stress levels

As with depression and anxiety, people also find that coloring lowers stress levels. The repetitive movement of coloring has a soothing effect. Because the activity is pleasant, simple, and fun, it takes the mind off any challenges or struggles, thereby lowering stress levels overall. When you have a lot going on in your personal life added to the stress of losing a loved one, coloring can help you sit quietly, perhaps with comforting music playing in the background. This time of solitude can work wonders on your personal well-being.

4. Coloring gives your mind a break

After the loss of a loved one, there’s a lot going on around you and inside your head. On some days, it may feel like too much to handle. It’s not easy processing your grief, running all the errands, working that job, taking care of the kids, and doing everything else you’re responsible for. By coloring just a few minutes a day, you can give your brain a break. Sometimes, you just need to set everything else aside so you can simply “be” in the present moment.

5. Coloring helps you sleep better

Because coloring eases stress and anxiety and promotes relaxation, it may be an excellent addition to your nightly routine. Too often, we stay on our smartphones and other electronic devices too long into the evening. The blue light these devices emit interferes with the production of melatonin, which is essential to good sleep. So, try putting away the phone or turning off the television at least an hour before bed. Instead, add reading or coloring to your routine to help you unwind before sleeping.

6. Coloring aids in processing emotions

We all express and process emotions a little differently, but for many people, art therapy is hugely beneficial. Creative activities like journaling, coloring and painting, dancing, or singing can have healing effects during times of grief. These activities require focus and concentration, which helps break the circular cycle of thoughts and emotions you may find yourself trapped in. So, try using your creativity to help you process what you’re feeling. By filling in the lines on a coloring page, you will find yourself relaxing and your thoughts clearing. And as you color, you will have time to calmly sort and organize your thoughts into something that makes more sense and feels manageable.

7. Coloring provides light-hearted moments

Losing a loved one can bring extra stress and responsibility with it. Were you part of planning the funeral service? Has the loss meant you have to take on more responsibility at home? With all the changes a death can bring to your normal routine, it’s important to take moments to step back. By coloring a little each day, you can add a little bit of light-hearted fun to your day. And even if you are in deep grief, don’t feel bad about seeking positive activities. You need to balance the good and the difficult during the grief journey, and coloring can tip the balance toward good on the tough days.

Now that you understand many of the benefits associated with color, you may be interested in giving the activity a try. If that’s the case for you, go to 10 Adult Coloring Books for Your Grief Journey to browse a few of the most popular adult coloring books out there.

But What If I Need More Help?

While coloring can help you on the grief journey, it’s certainly not intended to act as a cure. If you find that your grief is not lessening but is getting worse, it may be time to see a therapist. They can help you sort through all the feelings – good and bad – so you can find a healthy balance.

Here are a few signs that it may be time to connect with a therapist:

Your mental health is affecting your ability to live your everyday like, including work, school, or relationships with others
Your stress and anxiety are increasing, not lessening
You are experiencing significant mood swings
You are starting to experience conflict or discord in your personal or professional relationships
Your normal coping strategies aren’t working
You find yourself turning to unhealthy coping habits, such as substance use, impulsive spending, or self-harm

If you find yourself checking the box on any of these symptoms, consider finding a therapist in your area who can help you walk through your feelings of grief. You don’t have to live this way – it doesn’t have to be your new normal. Instead, with intentionality and professional attention, you can find healing and a way to move forward with hope.

Jun 13

Love0

How Poetry Can Help You on Your Grief Journey

By christy.kessler Funeral Poems, Grief/Loss, Meaningful Funerals

Did you know that poetry can play an important role in the grieving process? While poetry readings are becoming less common in everyday life, they are still widely used in important rituals and ceremonies, including funerals. Our willingness to use poetry to mark important events indicates that we still understand the power of poetry and are drawn to it, even if only on special occasions.

What’s So Great About Poetry?

A great poem captures essential truths about the human condition. Through the precise arrangement of a few carefully chosen words, the poet explores universal themes and attempts to describe an aspect of human experience. Good poems are relatable. Writing a poem allows us to express ourselves to others, and reading it cultivates empathy and reminds us how much alike we really are. Poetry reminds us of what it means to be human–to feel joy and pain, to laugh and to cry, to celebrate the wonders of life and to face our mortality. In this way, it connects us to the people around us.

Reading Poetry to Enhance a Funeral Service

In a funeral setting, poetry reading can be a powerful ritual. It honors the life of a loved one and strengthens the bonds between those who mourn. Whether the poems chosen are mournful or inspirational and uplifting, they can serve as an opportunity to reflect on the life of the deceased. Funeral poems can help us search for meaning in the loss and can bring us into a state of contemplation. Poetry reading is a communal experience: it allows everybody present to share a profound moment together.

Therapeutic Benefits

Poetry can also be useful after the funeral ceremony, in the weeks, months, even years after the loss of a loved one. Studies suggest that any form of reading can be therapeutic, and poems can be especially useful because of their contemplative, even spiritual, qualities. The grief journey is not linear. Long after a loved one has passed, sporadic periods of intense grief can crop up. During these difficult times, it might be useful to consider reading poetry. The poetryfoundation.org is a great place to start.

Writing Your Own Poems

In addition to reading, you may also find it helpful to write poems of your own. Grief experts consider grief journaling to be a healthy way to channel painful emotions. In many ways, writing poems can function as a sophisticated form of journaling. Writing is a healthy means of self-expression that allows you to better process your thoughts and to comprehend what you are feeling. The great poet Robert Frost once said, “Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words.” In short, poems help us to better understand our emotions. Understanding what we feel is incredibly useful during times of grief, when we experience confusing or paradoxical emotions. By putting your feelings into words, you open the door to self-discovery.

Using Poetry as a Place of Refuge

Not all of the poems that you use during the grieving process have to deal directly with death. Poetry can be an effective outlet for dealing with painful emotions. Additionally, poetry can also provide a refuge from the pain and stress that comes after a loss. Taking a few moments out of your day to read soothing poems can be refreshing. Consider going to a favorite spot, where you can read or write peacefully without distractions. You may find that this activity calms your mind and relieves stress.

Try It!

If you have recently lost a loved one, consider utilizing poetry to help you on your grief journey. Whether you’re thinking about incorporating poems into a funeral service, looking for poems to read personally, or considering writing some poems of your own, find ways to take advantage of the benefits that poetry can offer.

Apr 25

Love0

Woman in blue sweater sitting on bed, writing in journal

Grief Support Options to Consider After Suicide Loss

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss, Loss from Suicide

In the United States, suicide has become a leading cause of death, reaching nearly 50,000 deaths in 2022. With each death, it’s estimated that there are six or more “suicide survivors” – those deeply affected by the loss and left to grieve and try to understand what happened.

While all forms of death are difficult, losing a loved one to suicide comes with extra challenges. That’s why it’s so important for suicide survivors to receive support as they grapple with the questions and emotions that come along with suicide loss. Today, we’re going to discuss support options that are available to those who are struggling with the suicide death of a loved one.

1. Join a Support Group

Suicide loss comes with hardships that not everyone experiences or understands. Often, suicide survivors deal with social stigma, shame, isolation, trauma, and confusion about why this happened or how they missed the signs. At a suicide grief support group, survivors will meet other people walking a similar path. Grief can make you feel isolated, but by joining a support group, it becomes apparent very quickly that you aren’t alone in what you’re feeling.

To find a support near you, visit the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention (AFSP), where you will find a directory of support groups. You can search by zip code to find the nearest groups.

2. Speak with a Grief Counselor One-on-One

For some, speaking with a grief counselor face-to-face may be the best fit. If there are particularly traumatic memories, such as being the first to find a loved one who completed suicide, there may be things you don’t want to discuss with a larger group. Through one-on-one sessions, suicide survivors can talk through any traumatic memories, depression, confusion, anxiety, or flashbacks.

There are counselors who specialize in companioning those dealing with suicide loss. If you know a grief counselor in your area, reach out to them directly to schedule an appointment. If you aren’t sure where to start, ask family or friends for recommendations or visit AFSP’s directory for clinicians who have received training to support suicide loss survivors.

Counseling is also available online through organizations like Better Help or Online Therapy.

3. Find an Online Forum

Another option for receiving support after suicide loss is to find an online forum to share what’s on your mind and receive encouragement from others. If you aren’t sure about joining an in-person group, an online forum may be a good first step.

Perhaps the most well-known forum is Alliance of Hope, which offers a “culture of kindness, hope, and understanding to people who have lost loved ones to suicide.” You can either post yourself or simply read others’ posts – both actions can help you on your own journey toward healing.

4. Read Books about Suicide Grief

As you work through the complicated emotions that come with suicide loss, there may be times when you just need to know that there’s hope. Consider looking into books about suicide grief, especially if you are someone who likes to read. You could dive into a more academic understanding of what to expect on the grief journey or you could read about another person’s journey through suicide grief. Hearing someone else’s story may be just what you need to feel encouraged for the healing work ahead.

Depending on your preference, select a physical book or an audiobook. Look online for book recommendations, but here are a few to get you started: “10 Books to Help You Through Suicide Loss.”

5. Talk with Family and Friends

Lastly, let’s not underestimate the power of talking things out with family or friends. Speaking with family members may be difficult at first, particularly if you are both deeply grieving the same person. But at the same time, leaning on each other can bring you closer and help you feel connected and supported through this upsetting time. And don’t feel like you need to speak to everyone – choose people you feel comfortable sharing with.

During times of grief, it’s essential to talk through what’s going on in the mind. By talking about the past, sharing memories, or voicing difficult emotions, everything comes out into the open. When previously hidden things are in the open, they lose their power over us. It may be easier to hide in the dark, but to find healing, things need to be addressed and brought into the light.

Additional Resources

As you consider your grief support options, remember that you aren’t limited to just one. If you’d like to join a support group, talk with a counselor, chat on an online forum, read books, and share with family and friends, do it. The more support you receive after suicide loss, the more likely you are to find the healing and reconciliation you need. While you may never fully understand why your loved one decided to complete suicide, you can come to a place where you can accept the answers you’ve found.

To help you on the journey, here are additional resources to consider. May your heart find healing and hope for the future as you process the death of someone dearly loved.

Suicide Loss & Prevention Websites

Suicide Loss & Grief Blog Articles

Apr 18

Love0

scrapbook page in honor of a mom

11 Ways to Remember Your Mom on Mother’s Day

By Courtney Cook Grief/Loss, Seasonal

After losing a loved one, some days are harder than others. Your grief may feel stronger on special days like birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, or their deathiversary. If you’ve lost your mom, Mother’s Day might be a grief trigger for you.

If Mother’s Day is hard for you, you may prefer to skip it altogether. But even though your mom is no longer with you, you can still honor and remember her on this special day. Here are 11 ways you can honor your mom this Mother’s Day:

Do her favorite activity

close up of a person painting on a canvas

Activities provide a way for us to express our grief and physically process our emotions. Did your mom enjoy baking, painting, puzzles, or gardening? You can spend some time on Mother’s Day participating in your mom’s favorite activity.

While you may not master the violin or draw a masterpiece, doing something your mom loved can help her feel a little bit closer on a hard day. Alternatively, you could do something you always did together, like having a spa day or visiting a specific restaurant.

Visit her final resting place

man visiting his mom's grave on Mother's Day

While visiting a loved one’s grave may feel intimidating, it can help you in your grief journey. When you go to your mom’s final resting place, whether at her gravesite or urn niche, you set aside time to grieve and remember her. You can talk to her, bring flowers, or simply sit and reflect. If your mom doesn’t have a final resting place, you could visit a spot that was meaningful to the two of you.

Plant or buy her favorite flowers

woman kneeling in a garden and planting flowers

Because Mother’s Day is in the spring, it’s the perfect time for gardening. If your mom had a specific flower she loved, you can take a little time to plant some in your garden. Not only will you be able to enjoy the flowers all season, but their smell can also remind you of positive memories of your mother.

If you’re not big on gardening or don’t have a lot of space, you can also buy some of your mom’s favorite flowers to enjoy. Additionally, if you’re not sure what your mom’s favorite flower was, you can always get other meaningful flowers, like the flowers she wore at your wedding or a flower that reminds you of her.

Write her a letter

Woman writing a letter to her mom in a journal

Often, when someone we love dies, there are things we wish we could have said or changes in our life we want to tell them about. By writing a letter to your mom, you can release thoughts and emotions you’ve been holding inside. It doesn’t matter what you write or how well it’s written; expressing your feelings matters more.

Enjoy her favorite food

parent and child baking and holding cookie dough in a heart shape

What dish did your mom love to eat? What treats did she make that remind you of her? One way to remember your mom on Mother’s Day is by making a food she loved. You could make a full meal, a snack, or her favorite dessert. If you’re not particularly skilled in the kitchen, you could have a friend or family member help you, or you could hunt down a local restaurant or bakery that makes something similar.

Wear her favorite color

man wearing all yellow standing in front of a yellow background pointing at his shirt

One very easy way to honor your mom on Mother’s Day is by wearing her favorite color. In a way, adding her favorite color to your outfit is a way to bring her memory with you throughout the day. You could make the color the main focus of your outfit or incorporate it through accessories. You could also wear an heirloom or piece of jewelry your mother gave you. Incorporating something important to your mom into your outfit is a simple way to keep your mom close.

Look at photos or old home videos

Person pushing an old home video tape labeled "Family Vacation '98" into a VCR

Looking at photos of your mom or watching old home videos can remind you of the happy moments you shared. Pictures may remind you of memories that have faded into the background, and videos can bring back your mom’s voice.

Whether you choose to enjoy these old memories on your own or with loved ones, photos and videos can make your mom feel a little bit closer on Mother’s Day.

Make a scrapbook page

scrapbook page in honor of a mom

If you enjoy crafts, creating a scrapbook page for your mom can be a great way to celebrate her memory on Mother’s Day. You can incorporate favorite photos of her, mementos from events you attended, or stickers of her favorite flowers. You could add significant quotes: things she said that stuck with you, her favorite saying, or a selection from her favorite book or poem. By taking time to be creative, you’ll allow yourself to express your feelings and embrace your memory of your mom.

Share favorite memories and stories

woman sharing stories with her daughter

Stories have power, and by sharing them with others, you can relive them. If you have a favorite memory with your mom – something sweet, heartfelt, or funny – you can share it with a friend or family member or in a post online. If you have kids of your own, you can tell them about your favorite moments with your mom and maybe even recreate them.

You could also write down some of your favorite memories and stories! Whether you write them in a journal just for yourself or choose to share them with someone else, you can write your memories to cherish them forever.

Volunteer at her favorite charity

young man encouraging a boy with Down syndrome

As mentioned above, participating in activities can be a great way to process your grief. Giving your time to a cause your mom cared about can be a great way to honor her memory on Mother’s Day. While some organizations may be closed on Sunday, you could also volunteer the week before or after Mother’s Day.

Keep in mind that some charities may require paperwork or a background check, especially those that work with kids in need. Investigate ahead of time to learn what requirements your volunteer opportunity requires.

Make a donation in her name

Person placing money in a jar labeled "donate"

Did your mom have a cause that she often donated to? You could give a memorial donation in her honor to her favorite charity. Or did your mom die from a specific disease, like breast cancer or Alzheimer’s? You could support an organization that researches that disease.

Some organizations accept donations of useful items, like hats, toys, or blankets. Even a small donation can make a difference, and your generosity can be a great way to honor her memory.

Whether you choose to skip Mother’s Day or participate in a remembrance activity, remember to be patient with yourself. Losing your mom is hard, and it’s okay if you need time to grieve. Whatever you do, cherish the happy moments you shared with your mom and hold her memory close.

Apr 18

Love0

Younger woman and her second mom baking together

Dealing with Grief on Mother’s Day

By christy.kessler Exclude from Top Posts, Grief/Loss, Seasonal

Mother’s Day is a special day, set aside to honor the mothers who have done so much for us. But Mother’s Day is often a very difficult day for two sets of people: those who are mourning the loss of a mother, and mothers who are mourning the loss of a child. On a day that celebrates the mother-child relationship, these people are faced with painful reminders of their loss.

The differences between losing a parent and losing a child are massive. They cannot be compared, nor should they be. Each has its own challenges, its own hurts, its own obstacles. But there are some similar things you can do to prepare for the hard days you will face, like Mother’s Day. That said, if you have experienced the loss of a mother or the loss of a child, you have our sincerest sympathies. As we approach Mother’s Day this year, here are some tips to help you get through the holiday and cope with the great loss you have suffered.

Tip #1: Prepare yourself emotionally

Woman looking at calendar making advance plans

It’s not just the actual day that’s hard. The week leading up to Mother’s Day can also trigger painful memories and stir up strong emotions and unpleasant thoughts. Take some time before the holiday to plan how you want to focus your thoughts. You may choose to focus on the gratitude you feel for the time you had with your mother or child. You may choose to spend some time in solitude, allowing yourself to freely vent your emotions. Or you may think of a new way to honor your loved one’s memory this year, such as taking a bouquet to the graveside or working on a special memorial project. Try to avoid stressful situations (such as the grocery store aisle with all those pink cards and candy boxes) as much as possible.

Tip #2: Share your story

Two people sitting at a table talking with coffee cups in front of them

Every grief journey is different, and there’s no “right” way to grieve. But it is important to talk about your loss. Find someone you trust – a friend, spouse, family member – who will wholeheartedly listen to your story. Your relationship with your child or your mother doesn’t end with death – that relationship continues on in you. By sharing how you loved them, how they impacted you, and the difference they made in your life, you keep your loved one’s memory alive. But also, by telling your story, you allow others into your life and offer them an opportunity to comfort and support you.

Tip #3: Journal about your feelings

Older woman sitting at home, journaling at a table with a tissue box and flower arrangement

If you are processing difficult emotions this Mother’s Day, consider writing them down in a grief journal. Grief journals allow you an honest, private, and judgment-free place to process your thoughts. Write down everything you are feeling about your loss. Anger, sadness, and things left unsaid, along with gratitude, appreciation, and memories. Don’t leave anything out.

Sometimes the most painful part of loss is knowing that there will be moments you will never share with a loved one. Our hopes and dreams and expectations are dashed in a moment, especially with the loss of a child or a mother much too early. Write down all your hopes and expectations so you can see them in black and white. Sometimes simply acknowledging your hopes can help you come to grips with your feelings and help you work toward releasing them and finding a measure of peace.

Tip #4: Honor the other mothers in your life

Younger woman and her second mom baking together

For those of you whose mother is no longer here, you may have one or two women in your life who have been like a mother to you. It could be a teacher, a mentor, a colleague, a leader in your faith group, or a close and trusted friend. Honor these women by acknowledging the contribution they’ve made to your life! This activity can also apply to someone who has lost a child. Have any of your child’s friends continued to be close to you and your family following the loss? Make sure to tell them how much their continued presence means to you.

Tip #5: Pay a special tribute to your loved one

Dark-haired woman in a mustard yellow sweater working on a crochet project

Some people work out their grief by finding an activity or creative outlet. Art therapy can be very helpful in processing emotions. You may like to paint, woodwork, quilt, crochet, sew, scrapbook, or make a video slideshow, to name a few. No matter what you choose to do, you can make it especially meaningful when you share it with others as a memorial gift. Another way to honor your loved one’s memory is through giving back. Volunteering for a beloved charity or giving back through memorial gifts can be a special way to pay tribute to a loved one.

Tip #6: Talk to a professional

Young woman talking with grief therapist

All grief is difficult, and some grief is unbearable. If you are stuck beneath a heavy burden of grief, perhaps it’s time to visit a grief counselor or therapist. We all go to the doctor for physical check-ups and annual appointments, so why shouldn’t we also prioritize our mental health? A grief counselor or psychologist could be a helpful resource and might provide useful tips for battling grief. Perhaps now is the time to schedule a session. Talking to an educated person about your feelings couldn’t hurt, so why not give it a try?

Tip #7: Do something that you enjoy

Older woman outside gardening in her yard

When you’re feeling down, it can be beneficial to participate in an activity that you enjoy. You may feel guilty about feeling happiness – like it’s an emotion you no longer have a right to feel after the death of a mother or child. But that’s not true. It’s not a betrayal to find hope and joy, and any loving child or mother would want you to find these things again. Oblige them by doing something that gives you joy. Hang out with friends, go to the movies, or buy yourself a treat. Do something relaxing or find an opportunity to laugh. Honor your loved one by living the life you have been given and treating yourself the way that they would treat you.

While these 7 tips won’t take away your pain this Mother’s Day, they can help you navigate through the day. May you find peace in your heart and the healing you deserve this Mother’s Day.

Mar 24

Love0

Close-up of white wiry dog placing paw in young woman's hand

Practical Ways to Support a Grieving Pet

By christy.kessler Grief/Loss, Pets

While pets may not fully grasp the significance of death, they can deeply feel the loss of a human or animal companion. The depth of feeling will vary from pet to pet, but it’s not unusual for a pet to feel out of sorts for several months following the death of a loved one. But there are ways you can support your pet through a loss and help them recover more quickly.

Signs of Grief in a Pet

Before we discuss how you can support your pet through the loss of a companion, it’s important to know how to identify grief in an animal. Here are several physical and behavioral changes that may indicate your pet is grieving:

Changes in appetite (eating less)
Acting withdrawn or sad
Whining, howling, yowling, or crying
Changes in personality (your standoffish cat becomes a cuddler)
Pacing or searching the house for the missing family member
Hiding from or avoiding other family members
Changes in grooming or bathroom habits (especially in cats)
Showing signs of separation anxiety
Changes in sleeping patterns (sleeping more or less than usual)

Man in dark-colored sweater hugs gray cat

In a research project called the Companion Animal Mourning Project, the ASPCA found that over 60% of pets experience four or more behavioral changes after losing a family member. So, if you think your pet may be grieving, it’s very likely they are.

But once you know your pet is grieving, how can you support them? Let’s talk about 8 things you can do!

8 Ways You Can Support a Grieving Pet

Every pet will react to a death differently, so some of these suggestions may work better for your pet than others. Try each suggestion and see which ones work best for your pet and their personality. These methods could help your pet cope with the loss of either an animal companion or a human companion.

1. Let them say goodbye

While animals have a limited understanding, they do comprehend that death occurs. Consider giving your pet a chance to say goodbye by providing an opportunity for them to smell or even nudge the deceased human or animal companion. Just as it can be valuable for humans to see a loved one before burial or cremation, the same practice can be beneficial for pets. However, if this suggestion makes you uncomfortable, feel free to skip it. Instead, you can focus on other methods for supporting your pet through loss.

2. Provide for their physical needs

During times of grief, both people and animals may struggle to look after their physical needs. For pets, this means making sure that they eat, sleep, play, stay clean and brushed, and aren’t acting emotionally depressed. To help, you can take your pet for walks. Play with them to increase their activity levels. Make sure they are washed and clean. Monitor their sleeping and eating habits. If you see a concerning change in any of these areas, contact your veterinarian for help.

3. Keep a few reminders around the house

For animals, scent is a very powerful sense. To help them grieve, consider leaving out a few blankets, pillows, pet beds, an old shirt, or other items that carry the scent of the companion who has died. When your pet feels sad, they can take comfort in the smell and familiar presence of the companion they miss so much. It may also bring comfort to your grieving heart when you see your pet resting on a special pillow or snuggling into a blanket.

4. Spend quality time with your pet

When your pet is feeling down, they may seek you out for attention. Spend positive quality time with your pet and give them the attention they need. Go to the park with your dog. Brush your cat. Give a few extra treats here and there. These extra moments together will help your pet feel secure and strengthen their bond with you. However, try not to reinforce bad behavior. For example, if your cat begins to meow obnoxiously, don’t give them treats. That will only encourage them to meow more often. Instead, ignore the bad behavior and reinforce the good.

5. Stick to a consistent routine

Pets thrive on routine, and the loss of a companion can really disrupt their daily life. If you have lost a person in your family, and they typically took your dog for a walk every night, try to step into that role and begin taking the dog for a walk each night. Keep up with meals, play time, exercise, and even bedtimes. Grief has a way of throwing everything in chaos, but re-establishing routine brings a sense of safety and security to everyone involved.

6. Add new activities to your pet’s life

While you definitely want to establish routine, you can sprinkle in new activities to your pet’s everyday life. Sometimes, fresh and exciting activities can provide a happy distraction and cheer your pet up. Consider introducing a new toy. Walk a new trail at the park. Give your cat different boxes to try to sit in. Add a new perch by the window. These different forms of stimulation can help your pet move past their feelings of grief and find happiness in new things.

7. Give your pet time to grieve

With the loss of a family member, everyone needs time to adjust to the new normal in your home. However, when a pet companion dies, you may be tempted to fill the void by bringing a new pet home quickly. Try not to be hasty. If your pet is grieving deeply, they may not be ready to accept a “stranger” into their home, and it could cause more disruption to your pet’s routine. Give it time. One day soon, your pet will be ready to welcome a new furry member to the family.

8. Consult your vet if your pet doesn’t improve

While grief will look different from pet to pet, pay close attention to how they are doing. If your pet isn’t eating well, they aren’t taking care of themselves (like your cat isn’t grooming), or they seem depressed, contact your veterinarian for help. Your vet can offer additional guidance as you support your pet through grief. Because your pet can’t communicate what they are feeling, it’s up to you to pay attention to their unconscious cues and get them the care they need.

With time and love, most pets heal from loss within a few weeks or months. May these 8 methods of support help you look after your pet and help them through this time of loss.

Mar 05

Love0

Man placing a white rose on top of a gravestone

How Rituals and Traditions Help Us Heal

By christy.kessler AfterCare, Grief/Loss, Meaningful Funerals No Comments

Sometimes, it’s hard to know what to think or how to process a loss that hurts so deeply it takes your breath away. That’s where traditions and rituals can help. Healing actions help us to express our deepest thoughts about life’s most significant events. Special ceremonies like graduations, weddings, and baby dedications involve rituals that help us mark important milestones in life. Similarly, when a loved one dies, traditions can also help us mark a significant event, spend time remembering a loved one, and find healing.

What Makes Rituals So Effective?

1. Rituals are symbolic

When you lose a loved one, you can use symbolic acts to honor and remember their life and memory. This could mean that you watch their favorite movie every year or that you place their stocking on the mantel during the holidays. These small, symbolic acts help you to remember that a loved one is always with you in your heart.

2. Rituals help us express emotion

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, renowned grief counselor and educator, is often quoted as saying, “When words are inadequate, have a ritual.” During times of grief, you will need an outlet for expressing your deepest emotions, and words may not be enough. After all, when a loss occurs, the wound may be so deep that you simply cannot find the right words to express it. In times of great distress, a ritual can be more comforting and healing than a thousand eloquent words.

3. Rituals unite people in a common, shared experience

Funerals, visitations, candlelight services, memorial events, and celebration of life ceremonies can help you feel a certain solidarity with others who are sharing your grief and loss. There’s a unique sense of comfort from knowing that you’re not alone and that others are supporting you on the journey through grief.

So, why are rituals and traditions so effective? They can bring healing to the wounded heart and help you feel connected to others and supported by the presence of loved ones. Rituals are also a way to express deep emotions as you search for healing and reconciliation after a loss.

What are Some Examples of Healing Rituals?

Grief and healing are not one-size-fits-all. There’s no set timeframe for grief, and there’s no “right” way to heal. Instead, you must find what works best for you, your personality, and your family.

To spark your own ideas, here are some possible rituals you could include in your grief journey:

Light a Memorial Candle

Put an open place setting at the table or set up a memorial display area at home and light a candle when you want to honor the memory of a loved one. You can light a candle every day or only on special occasions, such as birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays. Lighting a candle symbolizes the light that your loved one brought to you and how they live on in your heart.

Recall Memories

Family and friends may choose to gather on special occasions to share memories and honor a loved one’s life. This may occur on the first anniversary of the death, at family reunions, or on significant days like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. During these gatherings, set time aside to allow people to talk together and share memories that bring comfort and joy.

Visit the Graveside

Some people find comfort in visiting the grave of their loved one, leaving fresh flowers, or simply spending time reflecting on the loss. Mourners often visit the grave on special days or on any day that they want to feel close to their loved one. No matter when you decide to visit, take this time to speak to your loved one and express what’s in your heart.

Attend a Special Memorial Event

Certain community events, such as remembrance services around the holidays, can also bring comfort and healing. These events help us connect with other people who are also feeling the pain of a loss, which can bring a greater sense of peace. In addition to receiving support, these types of gatherings help you engage with your emotions and express what you’re feeling.

Carry a Remembrance Item

Sometimes a small keepsake, like a watch, jewelry, or a small heirloom, can be a sweet reminder of a loved one. If you don’t have a specific keepsake, you could select memorial jewelry that holds a lock of hair or is engraved with a loved one’s fingerprint. A remembrance item serves as a daily reminder that can bring comfort when you feel a loved one’s loss most keenly.

Now, these are just some ideas to get you started. There are so many rituals and traditions you could incorporate into your grief journey. Volunteer every year at a non-profit your loved one championed. Bake their favorite dessert on their birthday. There are so many possibilities. Spend some time thinking about what would be meaningful to you. Talk with your family members. Together, you will identify ways you can use ritual and tradition to bring healing to your hurting heart.

Feb 22

Love0

bouquet of white flowers and pink and red roses

Funeral Etiquette: “In Lieu of Flowers” and Donations

By Courtney Cook Educational, Grief/Loss, Helping a Friend in Grief

Have you come across an obituary that asks for donations in lieu of flowers? The phrase “in lieu of flowers” has been used in funeral service for years. But what does this phrase actually mean in an obituary or death announcement?

When friends or family request donations in lieu of flowers, it’s important to respect their wishes. Here’s what you need to know about the phrase “in lieu of flowers” and the etiquette surrounding this special request.

What Does “In Lieu of Flowers” Mean?

bouquet of white flowers and pink and red roses

While giving flowers to the family of someone who has recently died is a tradition that goes back many years, sometimes families don’t wish to receive flowers. Maybe they already have enough flowers for the service, or perhaps someone is allergic to flowers.

No matter the reason, when a family doesn’t want flowers, they often ask for donations or cards instead of flowers. In an obituary, the phrase “in lieu of flowers” is typically used in this situation, and often the family requests donations to a specific charity in the deceased’s name.

How Do I Make a Donation In Lieu of Flowers?

glass jar full of change marked "charity" sitting on a wooden table next to two paper hearts

There are several ways to donate in honor of the deceased. If the family included a link to a specific charity or page in the obituary, you can click on that to make your donation. If they mention a charity without linking to it, you can go to the charity’s website and donate there. Be sure to include a note with your donation that mentions the deceased, like “In memory of ____.”

In most cases, you’ll donate directly to a charity. Don’t send cash or money to the family unless requested. In some cases, the family may request donations to support a particular family member, like the spouse or children of the deceased. When you donate to a charity or the family, consider giving what you would typically spend on flowers for the family.

If There Isn’t a Charity Listed, How Do I Pick One?

Two hands holding a pink breast cancer awareness ribbon

Sometimes, a family will ask you to donate to your favorite charity instead of mentioning a specific charity. In this case, you can contribute to your preferred charity, making sure to specify that you’re giving a memorial donation in memory of the deceased.

If you’re unsure what charity to donate to, pick a charity that may be meaningful to the family. For example, you could donate to a charity looking for a cure to a disease the deceased fought, like breast cancer or Alzheimer’s. If the deceased was passionate about animals, you could donate in their name to the World Wildlife Fund. No matter what you choose, remember to notify the family of your donation.

How Do I Let the Family Know I Made a Donation?

woman wearing a gray shirt writing in a card

If the family provided a link to a place to donate in the obituary or has a specific page to donate in the deceased’s name, the charity may notify them that you donated. If you’re unsure if the family has been notified of your donation, you can mention it in a sympathy card or condolence letter. Make sure to mention the gift in a sensitive manner and keep the focus on the family and the deceased.

Can I Provide a Donation and Flowers?

parent and child hands holding a heart

It’s always best to follow the family’s wishes, but if you wish to send flowers in addition to a donation, you can always contact the family and ask if they’re okay with receiving flowers. If they’re fine with that, you can send flowers with a note that mentions your donation.

Alternatively, consider giving the family a different kind of sympathy gift. There are plenty of options for gifts you can give to the family, and there are even sympathy gifts you can mail if you cannot visit the family and give them something in person.

Regardless of how you express your sympathy, remember that your main goal is to support and encourage the family. By respecting their wishes, you show that you care about what they’re going through, and the family will appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Feb 20

Love0

woman crying with her hands clasped by her face

8 Ways to Express Your Grief

By Courtney Cook Grief/Loss

After losing a loved one, it’s natural to want to avoid things that trigger your grief, like your loved one’s clothes, their favorite song, or a place that was special to the two of you. However, studies have shown that avoiding your grief can keep you from healing and lead to more serious issues, like complicated grief.

While allowing yourself time to heal is certainly important, it’s also necessary to let yourself feel those more negative emotions so you can continue on your grief journey. Instead of bottling up your feelings, find healthy ways to let yourself feel your grief.

While everyone expresses their grief differently, here are 8 ideas to get you started.

1. Write

woman in a green skirt with brown shoes writing in a notebook while sitting outside on grass

Writing, whether through journaling, blogging, or writing poetry, can be a great way to express your grief. Many people struggle to understand their emotions until they begin to write. A grief journal can be a great way to understand your grief better and see your progress along your grief journey. You could also write a letter to your loved one to say things you wish you could have told them.

However you choose to write, don’t focus too much on grammar or finding the perfect words. You don’t have to show anyone what you write, so immerse yourself the process and focus on being honest with yourself.

2. Talk

Two women having a conversation while drinking coffee at home

For many people, talking about emotions can be intimidating. Sometimes, it can be hard to put emotions into words, or you may be afraid that someone will judge you. That’s okay! You can start small. Try talking out loud about your grief when you’re on your own or visit your loved one’s grave and talk to them. If you have a friend or family member you trust who is willing to listen and support you, you can meet up with them for coffee or lunch to talk together.

If you don’t have a friend or family member you feel comfortable opening up to, you can also visit a grief therapist or join a grief support group. Getting help from a professional can be an excellent way to better understand and express your grief.

3. Cry

woman crying with her hands clasped by her face

After losing a loved one, many people feel pressured to stay strong. Maybe you feel like you need to support other family members who are grieving or act like nothing’s wrong at work, school, or social events. But crying isn’t a sign of weakness. In fact, crying can help balance your emotions and improve your mental well-being. Allowing yourself to cry can help you acknowledge your grief and begin to heal.

If you feel unable to cry, that’s okay, too! It may take time before you can express your grief in this way. You could also try watching a sad movie or listening to a song with lyrics that make you think of your loved one. But don’t pressure yourself too much.

4. Music

man listening to music with his eyes closed

Many people use music as a creative outlet, and it can also be a great tool for expressing your grief. Whether you write songs, play an instrument, or simply enjoy listening to music, you can find meaningful ways to express your emotions. You could compose a song about your loved one or play one of their favorite tunes on the piano. You can put together a playlist with their favorite artist or genre. If you enjoy dancing, you could create a dance to one of your loved one’s favorite songs. Music can help you express what words can’t, so however you choose to enjoy music, let the lyrics and rhythm move you.

5. Art & Creativity

older woman in a plaid shirt painting a canvas on a tabletop easel

Just as music can say what words can’t, art can help us express ourselves in unique ways. Art and creativity create opportunities for expression you may not find anywhere else. Maybe you have always loved painting or woodwork, or perhaps you want to try something new, like knitting or scrapbooking. You could choose to create something in honor of your loved one or use the creative process itself to help you release your emotions. Even something as simple as coloring can make room for your grief and help you feel your emotions while your hands are busy. Whether you keep your art private or share it with others, the act of creation can help you process, understand, and express your grief.

6. Exercise

older man hitting a punching bag at a gym as a workout

Grief can take its toll on your physical and mental health. While the last thing you may feel like doing is getting up and moving, exercise can help you in your grief journey – and help you express your grief. Whether you try yoga or stretching, participate in sports, or work on a more intense exercise regimen, incorporating movement into your day can help you relax, which may provide you with the release you need to let out your tears, frustration, or anger.

7. Get Outside

man wearing a white shirt breathing in deeply outside

When you’re grieving, sometimes you need a break from the pressures of everyday life. Spending time in nature is a great way to do that. Getting outside in the sun, seeing wildlife and plants, and breathing fresh air can give you the space to let yourself feel your grief. You could do something simple, like take a short walk, spend time in the garden, sit outside, or read a book on your patio. Or you could go for a hike or camping trip to immerse yourself in the outdoors. Whatever way you choose, take time to enjoy nature and allow yourself to let your guard down.

8. Participate in Remembrance Activities

person cupping their hands around a burning candle

Was there anything your loved one enjoyed doing? A hobby, a sport, or volunteer work? One way to express your grief is to do something that helps you feel close to your loved one. If your loved one enjoyed scrapbooking, you could make a page with photos of them. If they liked to play soccer, you can get friends to play a game at the local park.

Or you could do a more solemn activity in their memory, like lighting a candle or visiting their grave. By taking time to remember your loved one, you can express your grief and honor their amazing life.

As you continue along your grief journey, be patient with yourself. Everyone grieves differently, and what works for one person may not work for another. While expressing your grief and letting yourself feel it is important, give yourself time. You may not feel ready yet, but eventually, you’ll better understand your grief and grow more comfortable expressing it.

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