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christy.kessler

Mar 16
Love0

Easter & the Search for Meaning After Loss

By Grief/Loss

Losing a loved one can be one of the most difficult things we experience in life. In fact, the word “bereavement” actually means to “be torn apart,” and how true that often is. Because the death of a loved one causes such distress, it affects our bodies, minds, and emotions.

During his years of walking alongside grieving families, nationally respected grief counselor and educator Dr. Alan Wolfelt has found that there are six needs of mourning. They are 1) acknowledging the reality of the death, 2) moving toward the pain of loss, 3) remembering the person who died, 4) developing a new self-identity, 5) searching for meaning, and 6) receiving ongoing support from others.

Based on his experience, Dr. Wolfelt has found that the people who take time to work through each one of these needs are on more solid footing throughout the grief journey. They are more likely to find healing and reconciliation after loss. This doesn’t mean they “get over” the loss; it simply means they learn how to incorporate it into their life story and begin to move forward.

But What Does This Have to Do with Easter?

One thing that Easter brings us face to face with is the search for meaning (Need #5). The search for meaning is all about asking the inevitable questions that come after the death of someone we know or love and how we should move forward afterward. For the sake of example, let’s imagine the disciples trying to make sense of Jesus’ death.

  • “Why did this happen?”
  • “What do we do now?”
  • “How do we move forward from here?”
  • “If he was the Son of God, how could he let this happen?”

They must have faced so many doubts, fears, and uncertainties. Not to mention the deep grief of losing a beloved brother, mentor, and friend.

It’s the same for us today when we lose someone we love. We are confronted with questions that feel unanswerable.

  • “Why now?”
  • “Why this way?”
  • “What happens after death?”
  • “Why does it hurt so much?”
  • “How has this changed me?”

Jesus’ Followers Search for Meaning

When Dr. Wolfelt speaks about the incredible importance of the search for meaning, he says:

To heal in grief, we must explore these types of questions if we are to become reconciled to our grief.  In fact, we must first ask these “why” questions to decide why we should go on living before we can ask ourselves how we will go on living. This does not mean we must find definitive answers, only that we need the opportunity to think (and feel) things through.

For followers of Jesus Christ all over the world, Easter answers the questions Jesus’ followers must have asked after his death. Jesus rose from the grave, conquered death, and made new life possible for those who believe he is who he says he is. For them, the search for meaning culminated in the most important event in Christian history.

Though many of their questions were answered and they found new joy and a mission for the future, the followers of Jesus still experienced loss.  While Jesus was no longer dead, he did ascend to heaven, leaving them with instructions to spread his message of love near and far.

While they did have answers to why his death occurred and what they needed to do now, the followers of Jesus still had to work through the grief of losing the physical presence of a beloved friend. On many days, they must have said, “If only Jesus were here, he’d know what to do.” We experience the same thing in our own personal grief journeys.

Your Personal Search for Meaning

The search for meaning is a personal experience. It’s normal for two people to come to different conclusions as they work to make sense of the death. Each person must come to grips with the reality of death and ask, “How does this person’s death affect how I live my life?”

For some people, a search for meaning may result in championing a new cause in a loved one’s honor. Writing a book to share a deeply painful but poignantly inspirational story. Pushing away fear and grabbing onto the courage to pursue dreams. Finding renewed purpose to make positive changes. Whether it’s a big change or a small one, a loved one’s death can be a catalyst to deeper and more meaningful living.

So, this Easter, if you are mourning the loss of someone you love, don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions. Just as Jesus’ followers had to re-evaluate their own lives in the wake of Jesus’ ascension and removal to heaven, we, too, must come to grips with what life looks like now that a loved one’s life has moved from one of presence to one of memory. In time, if you do the work of grief, you will find a way to move forward and come to a place of healing and reconciliation.

To learn more about Dr. Wolfelt’s 6 needs of mourning, take a moment to read his informative article, The Journey Through Grief: The Six Needs of Mourning.

Feb 23
Love0
Shows grieving man sitting on bed as he pinches his brow

Can Grief Make You Forget Things?

By Grief/Loss

Grief can have a profound impact on us – mentally, emotionally, physically, and psychologically. And as weird as it sounds, grief actually can make you forget things. Why is that? What’s going on, and how can you cope with the effects of brain fog brought on by grief?

Shows grieving man sitting on bed as he pinches his brow

What is Brain Fog?

If you’ve recently suffered the loss of a loved one, you may find that your brain isn’t quite as sharp as it usually is. You may experience memory loss, confusion, or an inability to concentrate. You might even feel a little worried about it. Have no fear – each of these experiences are normal reactions to grief.

Also called griever’s fog or trauma fog, brain fog is your brain’s response to a trauma you have experienced – the death of a loved one. While “trauma” feels like a heavy word, it’s appropriate. In big ways or small ways, your life has completely changed in an instant, and your brain hasn’t quite caught up to reality.

Brain fog looks different in different people, but here are a few examples of what you may experience:

  • Forget where you put things or what people told you
  • Miss appointments
  • Inability to remember if you’ve completed a task or eaten a meal
  • Feelings of restlessness, agitation, impatience, or confusion
  • Disorganized or unable to complete tasks
  • Fatigue and lack of initiative
  • Don’t enjoy the things you used to enjoy
  • Yearning for the person who has died

Shows a young woman wondering why she can't remember something

How Long Does Brain Fog Last?

The good news is that brain fog is most commonly temporary, but there’s no set or scientifically proven timeline. It varies from person to person. It may last just a few days, a few weeks, or possibly longer. For the vast majority of people, brain fog isn’t a long-term issue and will go away naturally.

However, for some, brain fog can become a symptom of complicated grief. When grief goes on for longer than normal and has a pronounced impact on a person’s quality of life, it may be related to complicated grief. For those dealing with this form of grief, the death becomes center stage in life and it’s impossible to resume normal life. The person seems stuck in a state of intense mourning.

If your brain fog seems to be getting worse or you are concerned about the onset of complicated grief, talk to your doctor about your concerns so you can start receiving the treatment you need to heal.

Why Does Brain Fog Happen?

The death of a loved one is a form of trauma, and your mind and body realize that. Your body releases stress hormones, and soon, those hormones begin to affect your sleep, immune system, and mood. In short, your body and mind are overwhelmed. Brain fog is your body’s natural response to so many heightened emotions and hormones. In a way, it’s a form of natural protection, dulling your senses while you work to process through what has happened. Once you’ve had time to process and grieve, your body slowly releases its hold, and brain fog recedes.

Many common reactions to loss – like shock, numbness, disorganization, confusion – are related to brain fog. But remember, brain fog is temporary, and as you begin to process your grief, you will see it decrease over time.

Shows woman sitting on couch worrying

How Do I Help Myself Through Brain Fog?

The best thing you can do is actively engage with your feelings of grief. Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected grief counselor and educator who has walked alongside many people on the grief journey, says that the best way to do the work of grief is to open yourself to its presence and honor the pain you feel:

In many ways, and as strange as it may seem, what you need to do when you are grieving is to honor your pain. Honoring means recognizing the value of and respecting. It is not instinctive to see grief and the need to openly mourn as something to honor; yet the capacity to love requires the necessity to mourn. To honor your grief is not self-destructive or harmful, it is self-sustaining and life-giving!

To help you on your grief journey, check out these helpful resources:

Give Yourself Permission to Grieve

Grief & the Six Needs of Mourning

10 Helpful Tips When Grieving a Loss

10 Myths About Grieving You May Believe

Shows person using calendar and to-do list to remember things

It will take time to work through your loss and come to grips with what life looks like now. For the now, here are some practical ways you can help yourself through brain fog.

  • Keep a calendar
  • Set alerts/alarms
  • Make to-do lists
  • Focus on getting enough sleep
  • Reduce alcohol consumption
  • Do things when you think of them; don’t put them off
  • Give yourself regular breaks

Click here for even more tips and suggestions for dealing with brain fog.

Remember…You’re Not Crazy

No matter how long you deal with brain fog, remember that you aren’t crazy. You’re grieving. Your mind and body are still processing, and as disconcerting as it can be, it’s normal. Be patient with yourself. Do the work of grief. While life is going to look different moving forward, you can do this.

Feb 22
Love0
Shows a nurse caring for a female patient during a respite stay

The Ins and Outs of Hospice Respite Care

By Hospice

Caring for a terminally ill loved one is often equal parts rewarding and exhausting – physically, mentally, and emotionally. There are some amazing days where you make meaningful memories that will last a lifetime. Other days challenge you to the end of your endurance. To help caregivers stay balanced and prevent caregiver burnout, respite care is available to help.

What is Respite Care?

Respite care is short-term, in-patient care, designed to give family caregivers an occasional break to re-charge and rejuvenate. In many cases, Medicare benefits pay for patient transport and up to five (5) consecutive days of in-patient care at a Medicare-approved nursing home, hospital, or hospice facility. You can use respite care more than once, but only once during each benefit period. In case the term “benefit period” is unfamiliar, it refers to a 90-day period of care that your loved one can receive before they must re-certify that they are still eligible for hospice care.

Also, while many insurances (including Medicare) help cover this type of care, there may be a minimal cost to the family. Check with your insurance provider before entering into respite care.

shows female medical professional caring for male patient

Why Would I Request Respite Care?

Being a primary caregiver is an admirable undertaking. Caregiving takes strength, patience, and perseverance. It is not an easy task, and the demands on your time can pile up quickly.

With the challenges of caregiving, you might request respite care for many reasons, including:

Taking a Break

Caring for a dying loved one requires a lot of time, energy, and commitment. Over time, you may begin to experience “caregiver burnout” – physical and emotional exhaustion. With respite care, you can take a few days off to re-charge and care for yourself. This break provides an opportunity to rest and relax without worrying about the level of care your terminally ill loved one is receiving.

Focusing on Personal Health

Caregivers often neglect their own needs and are continuously giving their time, energy, and effort to caring for their dying loved one. Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for family caregivers to experience depression, insomnia, changes in appetite, or become more susceptible to illness. Respite care gives you an opportunity to focus on your own health and wellness, so that you can come back with renewed energy.

Shows man getting blood pressure taken as part of health check-up

Recovering from an Illness

Though this reason is similar to focusing on personal health, it’s more focused on sickness. If you catch a cold, the flu, or some other transmittable sickness, you definitely don’t want to pass that illness on to your terminally ill loved one. With respite care, you can take a few days to recover from your own sickness before returning to care for a loved one.

Attending Important Events

Life keeps moving forward, even when someone you love is dying. That means, there may still be weddings, graduations, or other events that you must attend. With respite care, caregivers can take a few days to attend these events without worrying about medical care.

Getting Increased Care for Your Loved One

Throughout the hospice journey, your loved one will experience ups and downs with their health. There will be times when their pain and symptom management is too much for you to handle on your own at home. During these times, you can request in-patient care where your loved one can receive the medical care they need for more severe symptoms.

Now that we’ve discussed a few reasons why you might request respite care, let’s talk about the benefits.

Shows a nurse caring for a female patient during a respite stay

How Does the Caregiver Benefit from Respite Care?

For those who still aren’t sure about taking time away from a loved one, here are some of the biggest benefits caregivers see when they take advantage of respite care.

  • Improved sleep
  • Increased energy
  • Improved outlook
  • Reduced levels of stress and anxiety

Requesting respite care may feel like claiming a weakness or demonstrating that you don’t have what it takes to care for a loved one, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. The reality is – what you’re doing is hard and exhausting. Knowing your limits and taking time to care for yourself is a good thing. It will give you the energy you need to provide better quality care for your loved one and be at your best when they need you most.

How Does the Patient Benefit from Respite Care?

While respite care may seem like it mostly benefits the caregiver, there are also many benefits to the patient, including:

  • Reduced guilt over their caregiver’s stress or anxiety; glad to give their caregiver a break
  • Increased social interaction opportunities
  • Improved relationship to caregiver; stress affects both the caregiver and the patient

It’s beautiful and good to receive care at home from a loved one, but at times, everyone needs a break. With respite care, both caregiver and patient can come back together more refreshed.

Shows sick man sitting in wheelchair as he benefits from medical care

How Often Can I Request Respite Care?

With hospice care, there are benefit periods, and you can request this type of care once per benefit period. Under special circumstances, you might be able to receive additional respite care, but you will likely need supporting documentation to ensure the request is valid.

Every caregiver’s life comes with its challenges. If you just can’t provide the at-home care necessary for a dying loved one, consider looking into another living situation. Perhaps a different family member can step in to assist or you can look into care at a hospice facility or nursing home. To learn more about the options, go to “4 Places Where You Can Receive Hospice Care.”

But remember – to the hospice team, your loved one’s wishes always come first and supersede anything else. Be sure to discuss the options with your loved one before talking to the hospice team about any changes in location of care.

How Do I Request Respite Care?

If you’d like to request care, the best thing to do is talk to your hospice care team. They will help you prearrange dates for respite care and ensure that all the details are taken care of. If you aren’t sure when it would be a good time to be away, the hospice team can assess your loved one’s medical situation and give you guidance on timing.

Now that you understand the value of respite care – to both the caregiver and the patient – don’t be afraid to use this beneficial service for your well-being.

Jan 24
Love0

5 Self-Care Tips When You’re Grieving on Valentine’s Day

By Grief/Loss

If you are grieving the loss of someone you love this Valentine’s Day, you may be tempted to push your feelings to the side and pretend that you’re just fine. Instead of doing that, why not take a little time to acknowledge your feelings and then do something kind for yourself? Grief is hard work, and Valentine’s Day can be about showing yourself a little love, too.

Here are a few self-care ideas to get you through Valentine’s Day (and may even make your day!).

Shows three women eating dinner together and having fun

1. Spend Time with Friends

Rather than sitting at home alone, make plans to fill your day with fun activities with friends. Whether that means grabbing dinner, seeing a movie, or inviting people over to chow down on your favorite snacks and watch movies, you can create a relaxing evening filled with laughter and joy. You may still have moments of sadness when you miss your loved one, and that’s okay. Your friends will be right there to love and support you through it.

2. Give Yourself a Gift

Who says you can’t give yourself a gift on Valentine’s Day? It doesn’t even have to be chocolate. Be kind to yourself and give yourself something you truly want. It takes time and intentionality to work through your grief, and you will need moments of joy to help you through. Whether you want books or craft supplies, dinner at a new restaurant you’ve been eyeing, a spa day, or 18 holes at the golf course, make this Valentine’s Day one of the good days by treating yourself right!

Shows a cell phone sitting in a basket away from people to illustrate taking a break from social media

3. Take a Social Media Break

Social media can be disheartening and exhausting on a regular day. When you’re grieving on Valentine’s Day, seeing all the happy posts may not be what you need. Instead, take a break from social media to focus on real life. Talk with friends, read a good book, go out to your favorite local joint – basically, focus on making your own memories and creating an evening of positivity (not comparison).

4. Practice Gratitude

When you’re in the middle of the journey, it can be easy to get caught up in your own grief. Especially on special days – when you may feel out of sorts or down – it’s easy to sink into the mentality that there’s nothing going right in your life. By taking a few minutes to write down what you’re grateful for, you can re-center your eyes on the positives in your life. Another great way to help you focus outward (and not get caught in the spiral of inward focus) is volunteering. Choose an organization you’re passionate about and give your time and compassion to others.

Shows man participating in a relaxing activity like bowling

5. Do Something that Helps You De-stress

During the grief journey, emotions can run high, and Valentine’s Day may be a trigger for you, especially if you’ve lost a significant other. To help you balance your sad feelings with positive experiences, consider doing something that will help you de-stress. This will differ from person to person – exercise, reading, crafting, golfing, movie watching, spending time with friends or family – but find something that will bring happiness to your heart even as you process through your grief.

If none of these suggestions appeal to you, that’s fine. Choose something that makes sense for your personality and lifestyle. The point is…take care of yourself this Valentine’s Day.

Grief takes time, and in some ways you will never “get over” your grief. Instead, you’ll learn how to live with it and make it part of your story. By intentionally adding positivity to your Valentine’s Day, you take much-needed steps toward normalcy as you move forward on the journey toward healing and reconciliation.

Jan 17
Love0

What to Expect at a Preplanning Appointment

By Explore Options, Plan Ahead

Did you know you can put your funeral wishes in writing in advance? That’s where a preplanning specialist can help! They specialize in sitting down with you (and your family, if you’d like) to listen to your wishes, review all the options, answer your questions, and help you put your preferences in writing.

If you’d like to learn more about planning ahead, check out “What is Advance Funeral Planning?” for a deeper look at why planning ahead can benefit both you and your family.

What to Expect at a Preplanning Appointment

During your chat, the preplanning specialist will listen to your thoughts and answer your questions. They will help you understand your options, so you can make plans that balance your own personal wishes with the emotional needs of your family. A few general topics will likely come up. Let’s review them.

1. Vital Statistics

The preplanning specialist will ask you for some specific vital statistics. After death, there are many documents that must be submitted to state and local authorities, and they each require certain information. With the vital information provided, the funeral director can obtain the necessary permits for burial or cremation, help prepare the obituary, and submit a request for a death certificate. And for veterans, the funeral director can use vital statistics to request military honors, if you wish.

When possible, consider bringing these vital statistics to your preplanning appointment:

  • Full legal name
  • Address
  • Race and gender
  • Date of birth
  • Social Security Number
  • Occupation (kind of business or industry)
  • Marital status
  • Spouse’s name (if applicable)
  • Maiden name (if applicable)
  • Father’s name
  • Mother’s maiden name
  • Education information
  • Armed Forces information (including DD-214)
  • Names of surviving spouse and family members

2. Funeral Preferences

As you might expect, your funeral preferences are going to be a topic of conversation during a preplanning appointment. Here are a few things you may discuss with the preplanning specialist as you determine what’s right for you and your family.

  • What type of final disposition do you want? (burial, cremation, anatomical donation, etc.)
  • What kind of service do you want?
  • Where do you want the service to take place?
  • If you prefer burial, have you already purchased a cemetery plot? If so, where?
  • Who would you like to take part in the service? For example, eulogists, pallbearers, etc.
  • Would you like a gathering for mourners after the service?

There will be more questions, of course, but these give you an idea of what to expect during your preplanning discussion. If you’d like a more in-depth guide, click on our Funeral Planning Checklist and start filling it out today. You can take the completed checklist to your preplanning appointment and discuss your selections with the preplanning specialist.

3. Personalization Preferences

Just as no two people are the same, no two funeral services should be the same. That’s where personalization preferences come in.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected grief counselor and educator who has walked alongside thousands of people on the grief journey, tells us:

“Focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.”

Personalization is the key to creating a healing and meaningful experience that will meet the emotional needs of family and offer comfort throughout the grief journey. During your appointment, you can brainstorm personalization ideas with the preplanning specialist. They will offer ideas based on their own personal experience in the funeral profession.

To help you get a sense of what funeral personalization means, here are a few resources:

Why Does Funeral Personalization Matter?

7 Elements of a Healing and Meaningful Funeral

Practical Ways to Personalize the 7 Elements of a Funeral

The Core Elements of a Military Honors Funeral 

4. Veterans’ Burial Benefits

If you are an honorably discharged veteran, the preplanning specialist will discuss the burial benefits you are eligible to receive. Dependents and survivors of veterans may also be eligible for VA benefits.

The main burial benefits available to veterans include (at no cost to your family; all benefits apply both burial and cremation):

  • Burial allowance
  • Interment at a national cemetery
  • Headstone or grave marker
  • Burial flag
  • Presidential Memorial Certificate
  • Military honors

If you aren’t familiar with what each of these benefits entails, you can read our “What Are My Burial Benefits as a Veteran” eBook here. Then, you can discuss your preferences with the preplanning specialist and ensure that your family gets access to all of the veterans’ burial benefits you’d like to receive.

5. Funding Options

While funding your funeral plans is not required, it’s worth considering. The preplanning specialist will likely discuss a prepaid funeral insurance policy. With a prepaid funeral insurance policy, you can protect your family from a financial burden and ensure that funeral funds are available immediately. Some people elect to use a life insurance policy or final expense plan to pay for funeral expenses, but both have a few drawbacks to consider. Your meeting with the preplanning specialist is an excellent time to ask questions about each of these options to help you decide what works best for your situation.

Here are some resources to help you:

Understanding Prepaid Funeral Insurance Policies

The Truth About Life Insurance and Funeral Expenses

Myth vs. Fact: The Truth About Final Expense Plans

10 Questions to Ask Before Your Prepay Your Funeral

What’s Next?

Now that you know more of what to expect, do a little brainstorming and research in advance of your preplanning appointment. If you choose not to, that’s okay, too. The preplanning specialist has experience with guiding families through each step of the process, and they won’t rush you.

One of the biggest benefits to planning ahead is that you can take your time to decide what makes the most sense for you. After everything is complete and your plan is in place, you and your loved ones will feel a sense of relief that everything is taken care of!

Jan 05
Love0
Shows a memorial service with urn

What’s the Difference Between a Funeral and Memorial Service?

By Cremation, Explore Options, Planning Tools

Have you ever planned a funeral or memorial service? If you haven’t, then you’re in good company. Most people haven’t. That’s why it’s not surprising that you may not know the difference between funeral and memorial services. But today, we’re going to break things down, and hopefully, clear things up.

“Funeral” as a General Term

First, let’s talk about the word “funeral.” Often, it’s used in two different ways.

The word “funeral” can be used in a general sense to refer to the entire process of taking care of the body after death including all associated services. So, “Our family is planning the funeral” could mean either a traditional service or a memorial service, burial or cremation, simple or elaborate. As a culture, we’ve used the word “funeral” for so long that no matter what kind of service it may be, we still use “funeral” in a general sense in our conversations.

However, there is a second meaning to the word that more directly applies to our topic today.

Shows a family of four with flowers honoring a loved one

What’s the Difference Between a Funeral and Memorial Service?

At the risk of sounding anticlimactic, the difference between the two is quite simple: is the body present or not?

Funeral Service

At a funeral service, the body is present, often in a casket in a place of honor. Considered the traditional way of putting a loved one to rest in our culture, the funeral service often features common elements, such as the presence of a casket, religious rituals (if applicable), and  post-funeral burial. They also tend to take place in certain traditional locations.

Memorial Service

At a memorial service, the body is not present, though there may be an urn or a portrait in a place of honor. The specific nature of a memorial service can vary on a case-by-case basis depending on the choices you make. In general, though, a memorial service is a ceremony that memorializes and honors the deceased without the body present (regardless of whether burial or cremation is chosen).

And that’s the main difference between the two. However, let’s go a little deeper.

What are My Service Options?

Most of the time, we associate a memorial service with cremation. However, did you know you can have a viewing, visitation, and traditional service with cremation? Funerals (general use, here) are becoming more and more customizable, so there are lots of options available.

Shows a young woman standing next to a casket with white lilies

Here are 3 basic types of services:

Traditional Service with Burial

Traditional burial may be what comes to mind when you first think “funeral.” A long-time practice, traditional burial typically includes a viewing or visitation, a funeral service (with body present), a graveside committal, and often, some sort of informal gathering following the conclusion of services. After services are concluded, the body is taken to a cemetery and buried according to the family’s wishes.

Traditional Service Before Cremation

Believe it or not, you can have a traditional ceremony, viewing, and/or visitation even if you select cremation. You can choose a private family viewing or a public visitation. You could even hold a full funeral with the body present using a rented ceremonial casket. After the services are concluded, the body will be taken to the crematory so that cremation can take place.   

Shows a memorial service with urn

Memorial Service After Cremation

On the other hand, you can plan a memorial service where cremation takes place before the service. Most often, the family will place the urn or a portrait in a place of honor. If the family has elected to bury the urn, then there may be a committal service, but otherwise, it’s common to invite guests to an informal gathering (like a meal or reception) where they can share stories and memories.

No matter what type of service you select – funeral or memorial – the most important thing you can do is create a meaningful and healing event. With a personalized ceremony, you can give grieving loved ones a solid foundation by creating a special moment in time that can bring comfort and peace, allow everyone to say goodbye, and encourage each person to start the grief journey on the right foot.  

Shows a woman placing flowers on a grave as a remembrance

After all, the funeral or memorial isn’t for the dead; it’s for the living. It’s a chance to share stories, to reminisce about the sweet memories, to cry, to give and receive support, and most of all, to express what’s deep in our hearts as we say goodbye.  

Hopefully, you have a better understanding of the differences between funeral and memorial services as well as a general idea of the types of services that are available to you. There are other options – like natural burial or burial at sea or scattering – so make sure to talk with a reputable funeral home in your area. They can discuss all the options with you so that you can make decisions that balance your own personal wishes with the emotional needs of your family.

Dec 29
Love0
Shows couple talking to funeral professional about their funeral plans

What is Advance Funeral Planning?

By Explore Options, Plan Ahead

After the death of a loved one, surviving family members must often answer between 100 – 200 questions before any kind of funeral or memorial service can take place. What’s your loved one’s mother’s maiden name? What is their social security number? For veterans, do you have a copy of the DD-214? Needless to say, pulling together all the answers while grieving a recent loss can feel overwhelming. That’s why advance funeral planning is such a great idea.

What is Advance Funeral Planning?

In short, advance funeral planning is sitting down with a funeral professional to think through and write down (and possibly fund) your final wishes. Like a will, you can put your wishes in writing at any age. But what exactly does advance funeral planning do? Let’s dive into it a little more.

Shows grandmother, daughter, and grandchildren living with peace of mind

1. Advance Planning Gives Peace of Mind

Remember those 100 – 200 questions? By answering them ahead of time, you save your family from having to do it in the future. The first few days after a loss are hazy and can feel like a dark cloud has descended. Having to plan a funeral or memorial in the midst of all those emotions is hard. With advance funeral planning, you alleviate the burden that will fall on your loved ones to plan and pay for your funeral services. That’s a weight off your shoulders – and theirs!

2. Advance Planning Helps Prevent Family Disagreements

One of the biggest family tensions after the death of a loved one can happen when surviving family members disagree on service details, dates, and times. Some lean toward cremation; others burial. Some want a private service; others a public one. With advance funeral planning, they don’t have to guess what you want – they know. You can remove uncertainty and doubt, empowering your loved ones to make decisions with confidence.

Shows a couple creating a meaningful service

3. Advance Planning Gives You Time to Create a Personalized Final Tribute

It’s difficult to plan a truly meaningful funeral in mere hours, especially when feelings of grief are so near the surface. Advance planning allows you to thoughtfully plan and prepare a funeral service (burial or cremation) that will fulfill your wishes and meet the emotional needs of your family and friends. A thoughtfully planned service is a healthy first step for your network of supporters on their individual grief journeys.

4. Advance Planning Saves Money

There are several ways advance planning helps your family save money in the long run.

Prevents emotional overspending

When your family doesn’t know what your wishes are, they may be tempted to seek “only the best” (i.e., most expensive) options and end up emotionally overspending. With advance planning, you can make your selections with a clear, rational mind rather than one affected by emotional strain. In this way, you control the ending cost and save your family money in the long run.

Shows older couple making a plan

Protects against inflation

If you decide to prefund as well as preplan your funeral arrangements, many funeral homes will guarantee in writing that the funeral services and merchandise itemized on your contract will be covered by your prepaid funeral insurance policy at the time of death. A prepaid funeral policy grows over time and often covers all inflation costs.

Plus, if you have a prepaid funeral insurance policy, funds will become available for use immediately. If you rely on life insurance proceeds to pay for a service, it could be six to eight weeks before any funds become available to your family. That means your surviving family members will likely have to pay for the service out of pocket before the life insurance claim is paid out.

Helps you qualify for Medicaid coverage

If you anticipate that you will apply for Medicaid in the future, you can spend down your assets with a prepaid funeral plan. If you place your funeral funds into an irrevocable contract, then whatever funds you place in the contract will be considered exempt assets for Medicaid purposes. In this way, you help yourself qualify for Medicaid while ensuring that your money benefits your family. Click here to learn more.

Shows couple talking to funeral professional about their funeral plans

How to Get Started

Now that you know what advance planning is and how it benefits both you and your family, the best next step is to talk with a preplanning specialist.

Once you select the funeral home you want to partner with (here are some tips for that), give them a call, send an email, connect on Facebook or just stop by their business. They will have a qualified funeral preplanning specialist on staff who will work with you to iron out all the details for your funeral wishes. They will educate you on all the options, so you can make informed decisions regarding your plans. And best of all, their assistance is free!

In many ways, the most loving thing we can do is take care of as much as possible in advance. The future may be uncertain, but with advance planning, you can make a difference in the lives of the people who matter most.

Dec 02
Love0
Shows a loving family member sitting with a patient at a hospital

4 Places Where You Can Receive Hospice Care

By Hospice

If you or a loved one have been dealing with an illness for a while, the words “hospice care” may strike your heart with fear and sadness. You may feel overwhelmed or out of your element as you hear new terms and definitions, but that’s okay. Take a deep breath. You will learn what you need to know.

To help you get started, we’re going to discuss the four main places hospice care is provided, so you know what the options are and can discuss them with your hospice care team.

The Purpose of Hospice Care

Before we begin, it’s important to realize that the hospice team is designed to support and guide the family as they care for a loved one during his or her final days. Family members (and friends) are the main source of care for the patient at home, but the hospice staff is available to help with additional care needs, including pain management and symptom relief. The ultimate goal of hospice care is to allow a person to die comfortably and with dignity at home, surrounded by people they love.

Now, let’s get started.

Shows a loving family member sitting with a patient at a hospital

4 Places Where You Can Receive Hospice Care

Every hospice program is designed to give you access to a team of care professionals 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, no matter where that care is provided.

In general, care is provided at your “home,” wherever that home may be. However, as your specific needs and the severity of symptoms change, the place of care may change as well. Your hospice care team can help you determine which place may be the best option for your current health situation.

To learn more about the four levels of care that hospice provides and how each level may affect where you or a loved one receive care, make sure to read “Do You Know the Four Levels of Hospice Care?”

With that said, let’s talk about where you can receive hospice care.

1. At a Personal Residence

The most common place to receive hospice care is at a personal residence. This may mean a house, apartment, duplex, townhome, condo, etc. The hospice care team – made up of medical professionals, aides, and volunteers – will drop by for scheduled visits to check on the patient’s condition.

Most often, the hospice care team does not provide around-the-clock supervision – that responsibility falls on the family – but when needed, a hospice care member may stay for longer visits or even overnight.

Shows man receiving care at home from a hospice nurse

2. At an Assisted Living or Nursing Home Facility

For some people, home may be an assisted living facility or nursing home. In this case, the facility may have specially trained nursing staff to care for hospice patients. Alternatively, they might decide to partner with a hospice provider in the area. For terminally ill patients who don’t have someone to care for them at home, an assisted living or nursing home facility is a good option.

A Quick Note Before We Move On

With hospice care, the primary goal is to allow a person to receive care in their own home. However, there are times when care at home isn’t enough. For these cases, you can receive hospice care at the following places instead.

 3. At an Independent Hospice Facility

In some cases, your hospice provider may have its own independent facility or “hospice house.” With its home-like atmosphere, a hospice house provides a comfortable place for in-patient, short-term stays when a patient needs around-the-clock care and supervision.

For the most part, a patient may stay at a hospice house if their symptoms have worsened and cannot be managed at home or they have requested respite care to give family members a break.

Shows woman sitting in a hospital bed receiving care

4. At the Hospital

At times, it may be necessary to receive hospice care while at the hospital. Depending on how the hospital has it set up, the patient may receive care:

  • In a special hospice unit
  • From a hospice team that visits patients on any nursing unit, or
  • The medical staff at the patient’s current unit will act as the hospice team

Like a hospice house, there are two main reasons a person may receive hospice care at a hospital.

  • Either pain and symptoms have progressed to the point of becoming unmanageable at home, or
  • The family has coordinated respite care for a few days

The patient will return to at-home hospice care after respite care is complete or they feel comfortable enough to return home.

Shows a caring husband and daughter visiting loved one at hospital

Remember…

Remember that you should always consult your insurance provider before making a change to the place of care. Most hospice benefits do not usually cover the cost of housing a patient in a nursing home or assisted living facility (also known as daily room and board costs), but these costs may be covered by traditional Medicare benefits or other benefits you have.

Hopefully you now have a better understanding of your options and can confidently converse with your hospice care team about your needs as they change.

Nov 24
Love0
Shows person following directions to pack box correctly

5 Tips When Shipping Cremated Remains

By Cremation, Explore Options

It’s impossible to know what circumstances you’re going to face after a loved one’s death. In some cases, it may become necessary to transport a loved one’s remains across a large distance. If this is the case, you have three transportation choices: personal vehicle (car or boat), commercial airline, or postal service.

If shipping a loved one’s (or a pet’s) remains is the most logical choice for your individual situation, then the United States Postal Service (USPS) can help you. As the only legal method of shipping cremated remains (both human and animal) within the United States, USPS can ship domestically through Priority Mail Express and internationally through Priority Mail Express International (if the receiving country accepts cremated remains via the postal service). No other service options are available (for example, you can’t ship cremated remains First-Class or Ground).

To make this process as smooth as possible, let’s review 5 key tips for shipping cremated remains.

Shows on person receiving a box

1. Consider Using the Cremated Remains Kit

You will, of course, need a box to ship the cremated remains in. The USPS actually provides a “Cremated Remains Kit” that gives you all of the materials you need to ship cremated remains through the postal service. You can order either Cremated Remains Kit 1 or Cremated Remains Kit 2 at www.usps.com (kits only available online).

The main difference between the two kits is that Cremated Remains Kit 2 includes instructions, bubble wrap, and a self-sealing plastic bag in addition to the box and Priority Mail Express tape. The biggest benefit to using the Cremated Remains Kit is that the kit is free, it is easily recognizable by USPS employees, and is sturdy enough to ensure the safety and security of your package.

However, if you’d prefer, you can use whatever box you want. It’s not required to use the Cremated Remains Kit.

2. Affix Label 139 to the Outside of the Box

If you choose to use your own box, you must affix Label 139 to all sides (including the top and bottom) of the box. This label says “Cremated Remains” in large letters and is brightly colored to draw attention. The Cremated Remains Kit already has this label printed on it so you won’t need to affix additional labels.

The intention behind the label is to ensure that your package is treated with the proper respect and more likely to be delivered in a timely manner. You must affix the label for both human and animal cremated remains.

Shows person following directions to pack box correctly

3. Pack Your Box Carefully

Whether you use the Cremated Remains Kit or your own box, it’s important to ensure that the urn/container is securely closed and packaged. It’s always a good idea to ship the urn/container in a sealed plastic bag.

With both a securely closed urn/container and a sealed plastic bag, you can ensure that the cremated remains are contained at all times and won’t sift or leak out of the box during transit.

You should definitely add plenty of padding to cushion the urn/container. Also, it’s good practice to include your name, address, and other contact information on a sheet of paper inside the shipping box.

The USPS has given detailed instructions on the best way to package cremated remains (whether human or animal). You can find a PDF version here or a video explanation here.

4. When Mailing Internationally, Check the Policies of the Receiving Country

Just because the United States allows the shipping of cremated remains doesn’t mean that other countries do. When shipping cremated remains (human or animal), contact the receiving country’s embassy or consulate. They can tell if it’s legal to send and receive cremated remains within that country.

In some cases, it’s not legal. In other cases, there may be additional forms to complete or regulations to follow. You can always check out the International Mail Manual (IMM) provided by USPS, and if the regulations aren’t clear, contact the embassy/consulate directly.

Do NOT mail cremated remains internationally until you’ve determined whether or not they can be successfully received by the recipient. Also, don’t forget to complete a customs declaration form.

Shows man and woman packing boxes carefully

5. Decide Whether Extra Services Will Provide Peace of Mind

If it will give you more peace of mind, you can sign up for extra service options when shipping cremated remains. You can request Return Receipt, Insurance, Signature Required, or Signature Waived. If you’d prefer not to pay or request these extra services, they aren’t required.

Consider the Risks

It would be remiss not to mention that there are risks to shipping cremated remains (human or animal). You run the risk of the box getting lost or taking an inordinate amount of time to reach its destination. Review all your options, and if shipping is the best option, then do it.

Also, don’t hesitate to contact the funeral home in charge of your loved one’s cremation. They may have helpful tips or might even be able to handle the shipment for you.

If shipping a loved one’s (or a pet’s) remains isn’t right for you, you can always make the drive by car or fly commercially. To learn more about flying with cremated remains, check out What You Need to Know About Flying with Cremated Remains.

No matter what you decide, may you find peace and healing in the days to come as you mourn the loss of someone dearly loved.

Nov 17
Love0
Shows in-patient care

Do You Know the Four Levels of Hospice Care?

By Hospice

On the hospice journey, every person’s life situation and illness are different. One person may have a large family that will split care duties, while another person may have one child and a close friend available to help. For one person, a terminal illness may manifest quickly while the same illness takes longer in another person.

Because situations are varied and could change at any time, Medicare (which covers the largest majority of hospice care expenses) requires that hospice care providers offer four levels of service. You may start the day at one level and be at another level later in the day as needs change, and that’s okay. Hospice programs are equipped to pivot and adjust quickly as things change.

Today, we’ll review the four levels (or “kinds”) of hospice care that are available to families.

shows routine hospice care given at home

1. Routine or Intermittent Home Care

More than likely, it is routine or intermittent home care that comes to mind when you think of hospice. With this level of care, nurses, aides, or therapists stop by the home for short, regularly scheduled visits. These visits are focused on pain management, symptom management, emotional and spiritual counseling for the patient and family, assistance with daily tasks, nutritional services, and therapeutic services.

Routine care takes place wherever the patient calls home. This could mean a residence, a skilled nursing facility, or an assisted living facility, to name a few options. Also, while visits are routine, if your family needs additional help, there’s a nurse on-call 24 hours a day.

2. Continuous Care

With continuous care (or crisis care), a hospice patient will receive nursing assistance for several hours at a time, or even overnight, during a time of medical crisis or intense symptoms. If the patient’s symptoms are severe, they will need more focused and frequent care, so the hospice worker will stay for longer periods of time.

If death is imminent, the hospice nurse may stay overnight or offer whatever support they can to the family. This type of round-the-clock nursing allows family caregivers the opportunity to step back from hands-on care and focus on simply being with their loved one.

Shows in-patient care

3. In-patient Care

While it’s most common to receive hospice care at home, sometimes home nursing isn’t enough. If symptoms intensify or it’s become impossible to manage pain or symptoms at home, a hospice patient may receive in-patient care at a hospital, nursing home of their choice, or independent hospice facility (also called a “hospice house”).

The goal of in-patient care is to help a patient become stable enough that they can return home again. However, in some cases, the person chooses to spend their final days at the in-patient care facility rather than return home.

If the medical need that leads to in-patient care is related to a hospice diagnosis, your insurance’s hospice benefit will likely continue to pay the bills. With an unrelated medical issue, contact your insurance company to discuss what’s covered in your policy.

4. Respite Care

For caregiving family members, a terminally ill loved one’s physical needs can be demanding. To give family caregivers an occasional break, hospice providers offer in-patient respite care.

With respite care, the hospice patient is checked into a 24-hour personal care home. While there, the patient will receive round-the-clock care for up to 5 days. After 5 days, the patient returns home to receive either routine care or continuous care (as needed).

Though this level of care isn’t necessary for every family, it is available and covered by Medicare. Also, if your family needs respite care more than once, that’s fine, too. Just coordinate with your hospice team.

shows man talking to his doctor about his health

Who Determines Which Level of Care is Appropriate?

When you start using the services of a hospice provider, the hospice physician and nursing team will complete an assessment to determine which level of care is appropriate at that time. As symptoms change, the hospice medical personnel can keep tabs on the hospice patient’s status. They can adjust levels of care as needed.

However, don’t think you have to wait on the doctors to take notice. If you see a need to update your level of care, don’t be afraid to ask. Be proactive and talk to your hospice team about updating your care routine.

If you have more questions about the four levels, contact a local hospice provider and start getting answers. While there may be four “levels,” the best part is that no matter which level of care you or a loved one receive, the hospice philosophy will not change: to provide expert medical care and emotional support that respects the unique wishes of the patient. From the moment you begin a hospice care program, your family will be in good hands.

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