Memorial

No dad is perfect, but some of them get pretty close. Whether you love every aspect of your dad or you are still healing from past hurts, you may want to take time to honor his memory if he has already died. For some, this will be an exercise of joyful remembrance, and for others, it will be part of a series of healing actions that may bring reconciliation to life-long hurts. Wherever you’re at on the spectrum, here are 10 ways you can honor your dad’s memory that will help you heal and move forward.

1. Engage in an activity you enjoyed together

Every relationship is different, so whatever you and your dad enjoyed doing together, consider doing that. Whether that’s going to ballgames, visiting Disney World, woodworking, camping, hiking, watching movies, trying out new kinds of food, or painting, do something that will make you feel close to him once again as you honor his memory.

2. Enjoy his favorite food or beverage

If your dad was a food guy, you might consider grilling out, heading to a winery or brewhouse, making his favorite dessert, or trying out something new with him in mind. You could host an event to honor the dads you know and say a few words about the impact your own dad had on your life. Or, at the holidays, you can make sure to include his favorite dishes and share stories while you enjoy a meal with family.

3. Send him a message

While the physical presence of a loved one may be gone, they are still very much alive in your memory and in your emotions. That’s why sending messages even after loss is still a valuable exercise. You could write “I miss you” on a biodegradable balloon and release it to the sky or you could write a letter to say all the things you wish you’d said. Another option is to visit Dad’s grave – a place where he is still physically present – and share what’s on your heart.

4. Participate in a memorial action

If you are a person of action, you could do something “in memory” of your dad. Perhaps you could run in a 5K or a marathon, donate time or money to his favorite charity, or light a remembrance candle at home or a place of worship. No matter what you decide makes the most sense for your relationship with your dad, you can do it in memory of him.

5. Take a trip to a place he always wanted to go

Perhaps you and dad always talked about hiking the Appalachian Trail, visiting the Grand Canyon, or finally going to that prestigious art museum. While he may not go with you physically, you can still take him with you. Plan that trip and bring something that reminds you of him on the journey. You could even take pictures wearing that favorite hat or bandana of his so that it’s like he’s right there with you!

6. Reminisce with others (or on your own)

After losing someone you love, telling the stories of your life together is soothing and comforting. So, as you seek to honor your dad’s memory, take time to look at the photos, watch the home videos, and share the stories. You could even place a memory jar in your home where every member of the family can write down favorite memories, and each of you can read each other’s favorites.

7. Create keepsake items

For those who find comfort in sentimental items, creating a keepsake item might be an excellent way to honor your dad’s memory. For instance, you could create something from one of his favorite clothing items. Or you could create a decorative stone with his favorite saying in your yard or garden, so that every time you pass by, you smile at his memory. A scrapbook or photobook is another way to put your memories into one place where you can recall them anytime you miss him dearly.

8. Post on social media

In today’s digital age, it’s common practice to post tributes on social media. Perhaps you can post old photos or memories on your dad’s birthday, at holidays, or on other special days. Alternatively, for his birthday month, you could do one post a day sharing memories from your time together. No matter which platform you prefer, you can use your creativity to put together a post that is meaningful to you.

9. Restore an item

Is there something that belongs to your dad that you just love, but it’s seen better days? Then perhaps a way that you can honor your dad’s memory is by restoring or repurposing that item. For a favorite chair or toolbox, you could restore it to its original glory. However, if it’s not something you can fix, you can perhaps repurpose it and create a new item that works for your life now. For example, you could use that favorite flannel shirt to create homemade Christmas ornaments.

10. Host a remembrance event

For some, putting together an “official” event will bring additional healing during a time of loss. While the funeral service is an excellent place to begin the grief journey, there may be days in the years to come that need marking. If you’d like to put together a remembrance event – one year, five years, ten years – after your dad’s passing, don’t hesitate to do that. Invite the people who mean the most to you, who knew your dad, and take time to honor him and remember his impact on your lives.

Now, these are just some ideas to get you started, so take some time to get creative. Ask yourself, “What would Dad want to do?” And if you never knew your dad or you had a difficult relationship with him, you can grieve what you wish you had together. Dealing with grief is never easy, but over time, as you do the work of grief and participate in healing actions, you will find the healing your heart needs.

Sometimes, words aren’t enough to fully express what you feel or say what you mean. In the times when words are inadequate, participating in healing rituals and actions plays a key role in helping you grieve well and express what can’t be said. One healing action you might consider – either for yourself or your entire family – is creating a memory capsule.

What is a Memory Capsule?

Similar to a time capsule, a memory capsule is a container that holds precious mementos, photos, notes, and other memorabilia associated with a loved one. Once the capsule is complete, you hide it away until a specified time. Then, either alone or together with family, you open the capsule, remembering the person you love and sharing those cherished memories with each other.

But why should you consider a memory capsule? Remembrance is a key part of grieving well and creating a memory capsule is one way you can remember, reminisce, and embrace your loved one’s life. It will allow you to gather some of your most treasured items and put them in one place. You can go back to the capsule as often as you wish, or you can wait a specified amount of time. Regardless of what you decide, when you open the box, tender memories will flood you with love and help you lovingly remember and grieve for the person you’ve lost.

How to Create a Memory Capsule

With a few simple steps, you can create both a memory capsule and a meaningful activity for your family.

1. Determine where you’ll store the capsule.

First, you must decide where you will be storing the capsule. Whether you decide to store it indoors or outdoors will affect what kind of container you use and what types of items you place inside. So, before you can really begin, you need to determine how you plan to store your memory capsule. Also, select a person to take charge of the capsule. This person will be responsible for storing the container and bringing it out of storage at the appropriate time.

2. Choose your container.

Once you’ve determined where you plan to store your capsule, it’s time to select the type of container you intend to use. If you are planning to keep the memory capsule indoors, then you could select a box, a plastic container, a jar, or some other container that is easily storable.

However, if you plan to keep the capsule outside or you intend to bury it, there are a few things to consider. For outdoor safekeeping, find a container that is non-biodegradable, like something made of metal. Water, dirt, pressure, and critters won’t be friendly to your capsule so make sure that it’s strong, weather-proof, and watertight.

If you are making this a family activity, discuss together what kind of container you’d like to use.

3. Decide what to include.

Next, it’s time to decorate your container (if you wish) and gather your memories. Since this activity is meant to be part of a healing ritual, you might write a note expressing what you miss about them. Record a favorite memory. Gather photos, drawings, trinkets, clothing, or other cherished items. Find the items that are meaningful to you and place them in the container. With kids, have them write a note or create a drawing for the capsule. You could even write a note to your future self, saying what you’re feeling now and where you hope to be when the capsule is opened.

If you are planning to store your capsule outdoors, consider using good paper and permanent ink. Try not to use paper clips, staples, or rubber bands because they will rust or break with age. Consider placing photos and other paper items into plastic sleeves to further protect them.

WARNING: Make sure you don’t include flammable materials or anything else that may cause damage, such as liquids, food products, matches, or lighters.

4. Set a date.

Typically, capsules are left closed for several years, but you can do whatever works best for your family. For example, if you are putting together a memory capsule for a lost loved one’s birthday or at Christmas or Thanksgiving, you can open it the following year or several years down the road. The most important thing is to select a time frame and make sure that everyone participating knows what the time frame is. That way, each person can tailor their offerings to meet the time frame, if that’s needed.

5. Seal your container and store it.

Once everyone has had a chance to add their personal contributions to the memory capsule, all that’s left is sealing the container and storing it away until your agreed upon date. If you’ve made the memory capsule a family activity, make sure to gather everyone together (or use a video call) to make sure everyone is included in the sealing. You can even write a “Do not open until” date on the outside. For extra protection, seal the container with tape or a lock.

Before you disperse, give each other hugs and best wishes. This activity is not only about healing from your loss but about finding support in each other as you all mourn the loss of someone you love.

Continuing Your Grief Journey

Now, all you have to do is wait until the agreed upon date and do the work of grief. While creating a memory capsule will help you participate in a healing ritual and remember your loved one, it’s not a “one-and-done” kind of thing. As you grieve, you will need to continue to talk about your loss, participate in healing rituals (like journaling, attending a funeral or memorial, lighting candles, praying, etc.), and face the grief you feel.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected grief counselor and educator, says this about grief: “From my own experiences with loss as well as those of thousands of grieving people I have companioned over the years, I have learned that we cannot go around the pain that is the wilderness of our grief. Instead, we must journey all through it, sometimes shuffling along the less strenuous side paths, sometimes plowing directly into the black center.” So, as you confront your emotions head on, you will begin to actually deal with them and find a way to move toward healing and eventually reconciliation.

Just remember, you’re not alone on the journey. Lean on your loved ones. Talk to your family and/or friends. While they may not always understand what you’re thinking or feeling, they love you and can be a source of support through the grief journey ahead. Take your time – there’s no rush. You are never going to “get over” the loss of someone you love, but you can learn how to move forward and find renewed purpose and meaning in life. It may seem impossible right now, but as you do the work of grief, it will happen, little by little. Best of luck on your journey!

Losing a loved one can cause our entire world to start spinning. For some of us, the spinning doesn’t completely stop for a while. One loss may take a year to process while another loss may take ten years before the person feels ready to move forward. Both of these scenarios are normal – they are just different. As we deal with our whirling emotions, we need a way to bring ourselves back to reality. In other words, we need something that will ground us and give us peace at the same time. One way we can accomplish this is by visiting a loved one’s final resting place.

4 Ways Visiting a Loved One’s Grave Can Help You Grieve

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, respected grief expert, author, and counselor, says, “I have learned that we cannot go around the pain of our grief. Instead, we must learn to embrace and express it. This is hard but absolutely necessary work.” So, how does visiting the graveside help us do the work of grief?

Provides a place of connection

For some, a loved one’s final resting place is a cemetery. For others, particularly those whose loved one was cremated, a final resting place may be a body of water, a park, or some other special place. No matter where that place may be, going there may help you feel more connected to the person you love. Knowing that you are where they are, or you are in a place special to them, brings a sense of connectedness and closeness that may be less achievable in other places.

Provides a time for solitude, contemplation, or prayer

After losing a loved one, you may be feeling a lot of emotions. Sometimes, it’s beneficial to sit in quiet and take time to think or to pray. If you are someone who journals, take a notebook to the cemetery with you and simply write out what you’re thinking and feeling. Being so close to your loved one may help you sincerely express what’s in your heart and on your mind.

Provides an opportunity to talk to your loved one

What wouldn’t we give for just one more conversation with a loved one? While you may not hear their answers, you can still talk to a lost loved one. You’ve seen it in movies and on TV – it’s a real thing. People want to feel a sense of connection. They want to talk to the person they’ve lost. What do they do? They go to the cemetery and have the conversation they need to have. It’s normal, natural, and a meaningful way to grieve. So, if you want to have that conversation, go do it. You’ll feel better.

Provides a comforting tradition

For many people, visiting a loved one’s grave becomes part of a comforting tradition. They bring flowers or mementoes on special days, like birthdays or holidays. They spend time talking to their loved one, updating them on the grandkids, the new house, or whatever else they want. At first, the tradition may be sad, but over time, visiting the grave becomes a joyful and peace-filled ritual that brings comfort and keeps a loved one’s memory alive and strong.

What Can You Do at the Graveside?

You can tailor your visit to your own and your family’s needs. There’s really no wrong way to go about this. However, to give you a start, here are a few thoughts to consider.

• Bring a bouquet of flowers to leave
• Place a favorite photo at the grave
• Decorate the grave (i.e. for Christmas or a birthday)
• Walk and/or kneel and pray or meditate
• Talk to your loved one, sharing your plans for the future or reflecting on the past
• If you came with family members or friends, share memories
• If there’s a bench nearby, sit down and eat a picnic lunch or simply take in your surroundings

A Few Etiquette Tips

No matter what you decide to do, make sure to act respectfully at the cemetery. A few tips:

• Familiarize yourself with any posted cemetery rules
• Leash your pets (and clean up after them)
• Drive slowly and be alert
• Respect the graves of others
• Be respectful of funeral services and other mourners
• Clean up after yourself and others

As you grieve the loss of a loved one, consider the power of connection and reflection a visit to your loved one’s final resting place can bring. If nothing else, give it a try at least once to see if it works for you. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t, but at least you’ll know. As you look for what’s right for you on your grief journey, may you find peace and comfort as you grieve your loved one and find a way to move forward.

When we lose a loved one, it’s often difficult to think about parting with their belongings. After all, objects hold memories, stories, and special meaning. While it’s important to sort through your loved one’s possessions and thoughtfully decide what to keep, what to donate, and what to trash, you might also consider making memorial keepsakes from their clothing.

A memorial keepsake may be part of a healthy grief journey for you. A way to honor your grief through creative expression. The keepsake may be long lasting, or it may have a shorter term of use. It may be something you keep for yourself or share with others who are grieving or had a relationship with the person who is gone. The choice is entirely up to you and your wishes.

Creating Memorial Keepsakes from Clothing

Most of our loved ones had multiple changes of clothing so that means you have a lot of material to work with as you create (or commission) memorial keepsakes. Because there’s so much fabric, you could have one keepsake for yourself and an entirely different kind for a relative. This diversity is helpful because you and your family members may value different things. So, let’s get started and discuss some of the options available as you consider whether or not to create a meaningful keepsake from a loved one’s clothing.

Quilt

You can make a beautiful and unique quilt using a loved one’s clothing. You might use smaller pieces and go for a patchwork look. Or, you can use t-shirts to create a quilt that reflects your loved one’s unique style. The style and design are entirely up to you, but just imagine curling up under the quilt on the cold nights and feeling surrounded by love. If you don’t have the skills necessary to make the quilt yourself, there are many websites and services available to commission an expert to create the keepsake for you.

Memory Bear

While many memory animals are bears, you can pick any animal you like. Essentially, using a loved one’s shirt, you make the casing of the animal and then stuff it. If you aren’t comfortable with your level of skill, find a YouTube tutorial, ask a friend who sews to help you, or commission an expert to make it for you. Memory stuffed animals are especially helpful for children and can remain special for years to come.

Ornaments

For those who like to collect Christmas ornaments or call Christmas their favorite holiday, you might consider using fabric from a loved one’s clothing to make ornaments. There are so many ways to do this that all you need to do is pick your favorite and go for it. You could do a folded fabric ornament, a no-sew “quilted” ornament, a Christmas tree ornament, and so much more. Then, every year as you decorate your tree, you will have an ornament to represent the person you love.

Table Runner

If you want to create multiple pieces, a table runner might be an excellent choice for the extra scrap pieces of fabric. You could use neckties or even dresses. Then, when you have a family dinner or your loved one’s birthday comes around, you can pull out your memorial table runner and honor their memory even as you make new ones. If you prefer a table topper, that would work perfectly, too!

Placemats and Napkins

Similar to the table runner, you could also make placemats and napkins. Whether you use strips of leftover fabric or devote particular articles of clothing to the project, both placemats and napkins are a beautiful way to re-use clothing in a meaningful way. This way, every time you use them, your loved one’s memory lives on. You could even create a tradition that you tell a story about your loved one’s life every time you bring them out. If you like this idea, go online, find a pattern that appeals to you, and get started!

Keychains

As with all of these projects, the end product is entirely up to you. If you choose to make keychains or even key fobs, you can select the style and design to suit your tastes or the amount of fabric you have available. Keychains are small and make an excellent, easy-to-keep-track-of keepsake that you could share with the entire family.

Pillowcases

Whether you choose to make pillowcases for sleeping or for decoration, this project will allow you to make some beautiful creations that will bring peace on the hard days. For many of us, there’s something comforting about hugging a pillow tight. In those moments when you miss your loved one most, grab a memorial pillow and hug it close, taking time to dwell on your memories and keep your loved one’s memory alive.

Baby Clothes

A practical option for re-using a loved one’s clothing is to create baby clothes with them. Whether the clothes are for your own child or to give to a shelter or a family in need, there’s something special about knowing that your loved one’s clothing will shelter and warm a young, new life. Though your loved one’s life has come to an end, they can still make a difference in the lives of future generations.

Scarves and Other Apparel

Another idea for creating memorial keepsakes from a loved one’s clothing is to make scarves or other apparel (like jewelry). Every time you wear the scarf, you can feel close to your loved one, almost like they are wrapping you in their love. There are many simple ways to create scarves, jewelry, and other items, so do a little digging and find what works best for you.

Aprons and Other Kitchen Accessories

If your loved one was a whiz in the kitchen, then making aprons or other kitchen items (like potholders or oven mitts) might be a good option for you. Then, you can either keep them or share them with family. Either way, any time you use these practical items, you can take a moment to remember your loved one. You might even choose to wear your memorial apron when cooking your loved one’s favorite dishes or during the holidays, just to feel that extra sense of connection.

All of these projects (and any others you think of) will take time and commitment, but really, they can be as simple or complex as you like. Find the patterns and ideas that work best for you. And remember, if you simply aren’t comfortable with your level of skill, either ask a sewing friend for help or seek out a professional. So, rather than donating or simply throwing out a lost loved one’s clothes, consider whether they can do some good for the future. As memorial keepsakes, they just might help you as you continue to grieve and find a way to move forward.