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Nov 15
Love0
Father sitting next to young daughter, offering comfort at a sad moment

10 Ways to Support a Grieving Child During the Holidays

By Christmas, Grief/Loss, Seasonal

Grief can hit you hard any day of the year, but for many, the holidays are particularly difficult. The beloved traditions may not feel as joyful without the family member or friend who has passed away. While loss is difficult at any age, children experience it differently than adults. Because they are less able to identify their emotions and are still learning positive coping skills, grief can lead to outbursts of big emotions. So, as a caregiver, what can you do this holiday season to support the grieving child in your life?

Blonde mother hugging son in comfort

1. Create Space for Their Emotions

Often, emotions are a bit paradoxical. You can feel joy and grief within moments of each other, which adults have learned how to manage. But for children, the tug between happiness and sadness may feel more extreme. To help them balance, create space for their emotions throughout the holidays.

Validate their feelings by listening and offering encouragement and comfort. Discuss how it’s okay to feel both happy and sad after losing someone. When a child is feeling out of sorts, invite them to draw a picture of a favorite memory or write down what they miss about the person. You could also encourage other healing actions, like taking flowers to the graveside, attending a remembrance service, or hanging a memorial ornament on the Christmas tree.

Mother and daughter sitting on floor with mugs and talking together

2. Encourage Open Dialogue and Connection

Children are still learning the social norms, so it’s not unusual for them to ask direct questions. Encourage this openness of communication. Read age-appropriate, grief-related books that will spark conversation. Ask open-ended questions like “What’s something you miss about [loved one’s name]?” Or sit down and play together while sharing memories.

If your child wants to talk about the death, talk about it. Children need to realize that death isn’t a taboo subject; it’s actually healthy to talk about what has happened because it helps them process difficult emotions. And don’t be afraid to show your own emotions during these conversations. By expressing your own sadness, you teach your child how to do the same.

Family of three outside in the snow, enjoying a cup of hot chocolate

3. Embrace Moments of Joy

Amidst the sadness, there are going to be times of joy during the holiday season. Take time to embrace those moments with your child. While grief is hard, it should not eclipse everything to the extent that there is no room for joy. And if you see that your child is having a hard time balancing their emotions and is slipping more into melancholy, create opportunities for joy.

You could watch a favorite holiday movie together or roast s’mores outside as the snow falls. Go shopping for presents together, decorate your home, or plan Christmas crafts that everyone will enjoy. Marvel over the neighborhood Christmas light displays or go ice skating at the local pond. And when grief inevitably hits, take time to acknowledge and feel it. Then, keep moving forward.

Father and two daughters baking Christmas cookies together

4. Take Time to Remember

One of the best tools you can utilize on the grief journey is the gift of memory. Though it may sound strange, looking back is the way forward. Respected grief counselor Dr. Alan Wolfelt puts it this way, “In my experience, remembering the past is the very thing that eventually makes hoping for the future possible. Mourners’ lives will open to renewed hope, love and joy only to the extent that they first embrace the past.”

So, take time to remember this holiday season. Make a memory wreath or keepsake craft with your child. Bake the loved one’s favorite holiday treat or choose a special memorial ornament. Hang up the loved one’s stocking and fill it with notecards that share memories, prayers, or thoughts. Set an extra place at the dinner table or light a memorial candle in the window. There are so many things you can do to encourage remembrance and invite a loved one’s memory into your holiday season.

Father and teen son cleaning the house at Christmas

5. Maintain Routines with Added Flexibility

Kids thrive on routine, and familiarity can offer comfort and stability to a grieving child. While the holidays are often full of activities that aren’t the norm, you can adjust the family schedule if you or the kids are beginning to feel overwhelmed. As is appropriate, allow your child to decide which events they’d like to participate in, especially on days when they are experiencing particularly high emotions.

When you can, stick to bedtimes, chores, and other basic routines or expectations to keep a sense of stability and predictability in your family’s day. There will be moments when the routine is disrupted, and that’s okay. Just make sure that your child understands what to expect for the day, so they can prepare themselves for anything new or different.

Blank December calendar with ornaments around it

6. Allow This Year to Be Different

As a caregiver, you may be tempted to make sure that absolutely nothing changes for your child’s holiday season following the loss of a loved one. While the idea comes from a good place, you don’t have to put that much pressure on yourself. It’s okay to allow this year to be different. Different isn’t bad; in many ways, it can be just what you need.

So, give yourself permission to talk with your child about skipping or modifying the regular traditions. Or start something new that requires less effort, like taking a memory walk or writing a holiday letter to your lost loved one. And for the activities you do participate in, let your child know it’s okay to take breaks when their emotions are running high.

Father and young son sitting on floor and playing with blocks

7. Understand Developmental Perspectives

Children process grief differently based on their age, maturity, and understanding of death. Some kids may fluctuate between feelings of joy and happiness and feelings of sadness, frustration, and anger. As a caregiver, it’s important that you identify where your child is at developmentally, so you can meet them there and respond in an age-appropriate way.

Here are a few quick tips:

  • With young children, use simple, clear language and focus on reassuring them that they are loved and safe.
  • For school-age children, provide added space for questions and discussion.
  • With teens, be open and available for deeper conversations while also respecting their desire for privacy or independence.

For helpful information on developmental stages, check out this helpful resource from the Dougy Center, a national grief center for children and families.

Woman sitting quietly, relaxing with a hot drink in a Christmas mug

8. Take Care of Yourself as Caregiver

In order to support a grieving child, you need to also take care of yourself. If too many holiday activities are causing you to be stressed and irritable, look at your calendar and decide what can go. If you’d prefer, choose low-key activities that won’t require as much mental or physical energy. And of course, make sure you are getting enough sleep and eating regular meals.

Also, pay attention to your own emotional state. Most likely, you are grieving too, and it can be tempting to set aside your own needs. However, as much as possible, take time to process your own feelings. You could journal, talk with friends, exercise, or get creative to express your grief. By addressing your own feelings, you ensure that you are more emotionally stable when dealing with your child’s grief.

Woman running errands at Christmas

9. Get Help from Your Support Network

Because the holidays are often busy, you may feel pulled in several directions. By asking your support network for help, you give yourself a little breathing room. And when there’s breathing room, there’s more space to actively engage with your child and pay attention to their needs.

In our culture that focuses on independence, it can be hard to ask for help. But oftentimes, people are just waiting for you to tell them how they can help. Call up your best friend or sibling to help bake cookies or take the kids to a movie. Ask a trusted neighbor if the kids can play at their house while you run a few errands. Schedule a babysitter so you can have a little time for yourself during the holiday hustle and bustle. You don’t have to do this alone because people want to help.

Father sitting next to young daughter, offering comfort at a sad moment

10. Look for Signs of Troubled Grief

And lastly, you can support a grieving child by looking for signs of troubled grief. Most children adjust to a loss and move forward, but sometimes, they may need an extra level of support. If your child is exhibiting the following behaviors, consider getting additional help.

  • Intense feelings of sadness, tiredness, or social withdrawal
  • Major changes in sleeping or eating habits that have a significant impact on daily life
  • Inability to talk about the death or appearing to be disconnected from reality
  • Expressing the desire to hurt themselves
  • Extreme separation distress or inability to separate from caregivers
  • Excessive preoccupation with the circumstances of the death
  • Reckless or risky behaviors, like using drugs, drunk driving, or stealing

Every child grieves differently, and there is no set timeline for grief. However, if any of these behaviors are present six months after the loss of a loved one and are impacting daily routines, consider having your child assessed by a mental health professional who is well-versed in the treatment of childhood grief.

Hopefully, these 10 suggestions will help you create a loving and memorable holiday season for your grieving child. Grief is a journey, not a task to complete. With your steady presence and loving support, your child can honor their loved one’s memory while discovering hope and meaning in the holidays—and beyond.

May 23
Love0

5 Ways to Support a Grieving Dad on Father’s Day

By Grief/Loss, Helping a Friend in Grief, Seasonal

While every day after the loss of a loved one can be hard, it’s the special days and holidays that present a unique struggle. For dads who have lost a child, Father’s Day can be especially difficult. While men are stereotypically and societally encouraged to bottle their emotions and “be strong,” this attitude really isn’t helpful in life or on the grief journey. In fact, it can be detrimental. So, even if a grieving dad seems okay, grief can surge on a day centered around parent-child relationships, and many dads may struggle with expressing themselves or allowing their grief to be seen.

If you know a dad who has experienced child loss, here are a few ways you can support him on Father’s Day:

1. Encourage him to express himself

Man walking alone outside on a paved walkway with trees and green grass

Sometimes, getting a man to talk about his feelings is difficult. The stiff-upper-lip, “men don’t cry” mentality has so deeply permeated their sense of self that it feels awkward and uncomfortable to share what they are thinking and feeling. Despite that, encourage grieving dads to express what’s on their mind and heart.

If they can’t speak it out loud to another person, maybe they can write it down on paper, visit the child’s final resting place, or take a walk alone and speak aloud to themselves or to God. Getting those emotions – both positive and negative – outside of self is a necessary and helpful part of the grieving process.

2. Invite him out for a break

Three men out to dinner on Father's Day

Some dads may throw themselves back into work and routine as a means of moving forward after the loss of a child. This action not only keeps them busy, but it may also provide a way to avoid facing the grief they feel. While routine is good and financially taking care of your living family members is necessary, it’s not a replacement for doing the work of grief.

If you are close to a grieving dad, encourage him to take a break. He’s probably been running himself ragged, trying to keep his personal, professional, and emotional lives in balance. Invite him out for a round of pool, trivia night, dinner and a movie, or whatever suits his interests. Finding something positive to do on Father’s Day may add a little sunshine to an otherwise difficult day.

(Note: You could invite him out the day before or after Father’s Day if he’d prefer to spend the actual day with his family.)

3. Acknowledge that he’s a dad

Three generations of a family; grandfather, father, uncle, and son; Father's Day

If a dad has lost his only child or the baby died before birth or soon after, he is still a dad! He still loves his child, his fatherly role is still part of his identity, and his child’s memory lives on. Acknowledging that he was a great dad and his child’s life mattered can be a huge encouragement.

When you talk to him, whether in person, over the phone, or through text, don’t avoid mentioning Father’s Day, his child, or his life as a dad. By remembering him and his identity as a father, you can show him that you care and that he and his child are not forgotten.

4. Provide practical support

Two men working on a lawn mower; friend offering practical help

While sympathy flowers and other gifts are nice, sometimes what grieving people really need is practical support. Many dads may feel the need to immediately take on their usual household tasks and even add extra things to the to-do list, which may leave them feeling overwhelmed.

By offering practical help, you can alleviate some of that burden. Every family divvies up chores and responsibilities differently, but here are a few examples. Does the lawn need to be mowed and the bushes trimmed? Offer to do one while he does the other. Does the garage need to be organized or the car’s oil changed? Suggest that you take a couple of these responsibilities off his plate to allow him time to spend with his family or to simply rest. No matter how small it may seem, this practical support can make a big difference.

5. Call, text, or send a card

Man talking on phone to a grieving friend; wife sitting on couch in background

Another way to support your grieving friend is to call him, text him, or send him a thoughtful Father’s Day card. These options are especially helpful if you can’t be with him in person or if he wishes to spend the day alone or only with family. You can share stories or memories of his child, mention the child by name, ask how he’s doing, and let him know that you’re thinking of him. Most importantly, avoid cliches and platitudes that do more harm than good.

If you send a text, consider adding “No need to respond” to your message. Texts come with a lot of pressure for a quick response, and this small addition takes the pressure off and allows him to respond if he’s up to it. He’ll still know you’re thinking of him on what is likely a difficult day.

No matter what you decide to do to support your grieving friend, listen to his needs and respect them. He may accept what you’re offering, and he may not. Don’t take it personally. Even if he just wants to be alone on Father’s Day, knowing you cared enough to check on him will bring comfort and make him feel seen.

May 01
Love0
bouquet of flowers with a Mother's Day card sticking out of the top

How to Support a Grieving Mom on Mother’s Day

By Grief/Loss, Helping a Friend in Grief, Seasonal

After the loss of a loved one, special days and holidays present a unique struggle for the grieving. For mothers who have lost a child, Mother’s Day can be especially difficult. Grief can surge on a day centered around parent-child relationships, and many moms also struggle with feeling unseen or forgotten after the loss of their child.

If you know a mom who has experienced child loss, here are a few ways you can support her on Mother’s Day:

Talk to her ahead of time

husband and wife holding hands and talking to each other

One of the best ways for someone to cope with a potentially triggering holiday is to make a plan beforehand. Some moms may want to ignore the day, while others may want to use it to honor their child’s memory.

If you are a close friend or family member, talk to the grieving mom about her feelings. Ask what she would prefer to do on Mother’s Day and how you can help. Listen to her needs, and if she’s unsure what she wants, come up with a few ideas and get her thoughts on them.

Acknowledge that she’s a mom

women comforting each other

If a mother has lost her only child or lost her baby before birth, she is still a mom! She still loves her child, her role as a mom is still part of her identity, and her child’s memory lives on. Simply acknowledging that she is a mom and that her child’s life mattered can be a huge encouragement.

When you talk to her, whether in person, over the phone, or through text, don’t avoid mentioning Mother’s Day, her child, or her life as a mom. Simply emphasize that she is a mom and always will be and that you’re thinking of her. If you’re unsure what to say, click here to see what grieving moms have said was most encouraging to them.

Don’t avoid talking about her child

Two friends sitting on a couch drinking coffee and talking

Many people avoid talking about a bereaved mother’s child, afraid of bringing their grief to the surface or hurting them. But for many grieving mothers, hearing others talk about their child reminds them of the positive impact their child made and keeps the child’s memory alive.

As you speak with your grieving friend on Mother’s Day, take your cues from her. If the grief is still very fresh, she may not wish to talk about her child. But allow her to talk about her child if she wishes, and don’t feel uncomfortable as she shares. You can also mention her child by name and share a favorite memory, letting her know she’s not the only one who still cares about and remembers her baby.

Provide practical support

person vacuuming a rug

While flowers and other gifts are nice, sometimes what grieving people really need is practical support. Many moms take on household chores like cleaning and cooking, and those extra tasks can leave them feeling overwhelmed when they’re grieving.

By offering practical help, you can take one thing off her mind. You could take care of her least favorite chores, provide meals, pick up groceries, or mow the lawn. If she has other children, offer to watch them so she can spend time taking care of herself. You could also consider asking if there are any big projects she’s been putting off that you can help with. No matter how small it may seem, this practical support can make a big difference.

Spend quality time with her

Three women at a spa holding cucumbers over their eyes

On a day like Mother’s Day, it can be easy for a grieving mom to feel lonely or isolated, but quality time with someone who cares can provide comfort. Invite her out to brunch. Set up a spa day with her and some of her best friends. Go on a hike in her favorite place. Spend time with her doing her favorite things and encourage her to take care of herself.

As you spend time with her, let her know that you’re willing to talk as little or as much as she wants about her loss. Give her space to express her emotions. If she wants to talk about her child, swap stories and memories or listen with compassion and empathy. If she wants a distraction instead, talk about other things. Just remember to put her and her needs first and be respectful of her wishes.

Call, text, or send a card

bouquet of flowers with a Mother's Day card sticking out of the top

Another way to support your grieving friend if you cannot be with her or she wishes to be by herself is to call her, text her, or send her a thoughtful Mother’s Day card. You can share stories or memories of her child, mention them by name, ask how she’s doing, and let her know that you’re thinking of her. Most importantly, avoid cliches and platitudes that do more harm than good.

If you send a text, consider adding “No need to respond” to your message. Texts come with a lot of pressure for a quick response, and this small addition takes the pressure off her and allows her to respond if she’s up to it. She’ll still know you’re thinking of her on what is likely a difficult day.

Above all, listen to the grieving mother’s needs and respect them. Even if she wants to be alone on Mother’s Day, knowing you cared enough to check on her will bring comfort. Let her know you are thinking of her, and continue to support her as she continues her grief journey.

Mar 10
Love0
Two women holding a pink breast cancer awareness ribbon against a pink background

Finding Hope in the Fight Against Breast Cancer

By Exclude from Top Posts, Seasonal

Are you currently battling breast cancer or know someone who is? Have you celebrated with a breast cancer survivor? Or have you lost a loved one to the disease? No matter how the disease has touched you, we stand with you to spread awareness, find hope, and grieve well in the fight against breast cancer.

According to current statistics, it is expected that, in the coming year, more than 40,000 deaths will be linked to breast cancer, and millions of people are battling breast cancer. Moreover, one in every eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime as well as thousands of men. In our collective struggle, as men and women, we can join forces to fight breast cancer in a number of ways.

Woman doing self breast exam at home

1. Participate in Wellness Programs & Lifestyle Changes

When possible, men and women should participate in a wellness program and take part in all the tests required to monitor current health status. According to the Mayo Clinic, studies show that some lifestyle changes contribute to a marked decrease in breast cancer risk.

For example, here are a few suggested changes:

  • Limit alcoholic beverages
  • Quit smoking
  • Control weight
  • Stay physically active

Three women wearing pink shirts and participating in a 5K to raise awareness and donations

2. Get Involved & Spread Awareness

Next, it’s important to remember that the possibilities to get involved in the fight against breast cancer are virtually limitless. There are some established ways of participating in spreading awareness for breast cancer: donate, participate in a Race for the Cure, become an advisor/volunteer for a breast cancer program, host a fundraiser, or wear pink to spread awareness.

However, your original ideas are welcome too, so don’t be afraid to bring them to the table. For example, one woman started a nonprofit that provides unique hospital gowns for women battling illness. Another woman began writing encouraging letters to fellow breast cancer patients, and she also started her own nonprofit that has sent over 60,000 handwritten cards and letters to 152 patient centers. The point is, don’t limit your own impact. Think outside the box and find the most meaningful way for you to become involved.

Woman with pink scarf holding up arms in a position of victory and strength

3. Share Inspirational Stories of Hope

The women and men who have battled and are battling this disease are a great source of hope. Read their stories and allow them to change you. Ultimately, no matter the story of your own life, you can find inspiration, hope, and encouragement in the stories of others. Let’s be loving, compassionate, and above all, changed. And be sure to share the stories that impact you the most with others through social media. That way, you can inspire others and raise awareness for breast cancer at the same time.

4. Find a Support Group

If you have recently been diagnosed with breast cancer, you are not alone. Consider joining a support group where you can talk with others who are currently battling the disease. In them, you may find much-needed encouragement and comfort.

Two women holding a pink breast cancer awareness ribbon against a pink background

5. Connect to Grief Resources

Finally, if you have recently lost a loved one to breast cancer, your road to healing is just beginning. Emotions may be raw, and that’s okay. It’s normal to feel grief, anger, pain, frustration. Author, educator, and grief expert, Dr. Alan Wolfelt, puts it this way: “From my own experiences with loss as well as those of the thousands of people I have counseled over the years, I have learned that we cannot go around the pain of our grief. Instead, we must learn to embrace and express it. This is hard but absolutely necessary work.” Facing the pain of grief is hard, but in the end, it is the only way through.

We all need support and encouragement on the journey through grief. Consider talking with a friend, making an appointment with a grief counselor, or finding others who are going through a similar situation. You may even be able to find local support groups for those who have lost a loved one to cancer. You can also visit Dr. Wolfelt’s website, the Center for Loss & Life Transition, to learn from his experience helping people walk through the journey of grief toward healing.

Mar 01
Love0
Calendar with March 17 with shamrock, leprechaun hat, and pot of gold for St. Patrick's Day

Finding Meaning in St. Patrick’s Day

By Exclude from Top Posts, Seasonal

It’s that time of year again – St. Patrick’s Day! It’s the day to wear your greenest attire, maybe catch a parade, and celebrate the luck of the Irish. But while St. Patrick’s Day is a popular holiday across the nation, what do you know about the man himself? Today, as we celebrate St. Patrick through wearing shamrocks and drinking pints, let’s take a moment to look into his life and legacy.

Woman in white shirt holding a shamrock for St. Patrick's Day

St. Patrick’s Story

Much of the available historical information on St. Patrick comes from his memoir, The Confession, which describes details of his life, the people he came in contact with, and his inner spiritual journey. While he is associated with the Irish, St. Patrick was actually born a Roman (in the area we now know as Great Britain). When he was a teenager, he was captured by Irish pirates who raided the area, but at age 20, he had a dream in which God told him to flee. He escaped from captivity and made it to the coast, where sailors found him and took him back to his homeland.

In the memoir, Patrick claims to have received a vision that inspired him to return to the land where he was formerly enslaved, a land populated by pagans and Druids, to spread Christianity.  He studied for the priesthood, became a bishop, and eventually returned to Ireland, where he converted scores of people to Christianity. Patrick is credited with bringing Catholicism to Ireland. Legend has it that he used the famed shamrock as a tool to explain the Trinity to his converts. He died on March 17, 461, at Saul, Downpatrick, Ireland, the site of his first church.

Calendar with March 17 with shamrock, leprechaun hat, and pot of gold for St. Patrick's Day

The Origin of the Holiday

On March 17, 1631, the church held a Feast Day in honor of the life and work of St. Patrick. This was the birth of St. Patrick’s Day. Ever since, the holiday has continued to celebrate the life of St. Patrick.

The Importance of Ceremony

St. Patrick’s Day reminds us of the necessity of ritual and tradition. It suggests that our need for rituals of commemoration is so strong that it can span hundreds of years and reach millions of people who did not even know the person at the heart of the celebration.

Do you have a loved one you’d like to honor in some special way? Consider choosing a day, perhaps their birthday or date of death, and wear a special color in their memory. Maybe you could even eat their favorite meal. Or you could see if your friends or family would like to join you in remembering someone special.

St. Patrick's Cathedral in Dublin, Ireland
(St. Patrick’s Cathedral in Dublin, Ireland)

If we use rituals to honor historical figures like St. Patrick, how much more important is it to honor our dearest loved ones? Consider creating a new tradition that best reflects your loved one’s life (it will vary from person to person).

Every life is special, and we should find meaningful ways to honor the individual qualities of a loved one. What we can learn from St. Patrick’s Day? That remembering those who have gone before is important. And that it’s always an honor to participate in special ceremonies for those who mean so much to us.

Jan 20
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bouquet of valentine's day flowers

How to Cope with Grief on Valentine’s Day

By Exclude from Top Posts, Seasonal

Valentine’s Day can be a challenging time for those who are grieving, especially those who have lost a spouse or significant other. You may find that Valentine’s Day triggers your grief or reminds you more strongly of your loss.

But Valentine’s Day can also be a special time of remembrance, an opportunity to reflect on the love you shared and to find comfort in memories. With a little planning, you can find avenues for healing during this time.  Here are a few ideas to help you cope with your loss on Valentine’s Day:

Take Time to Honor and Remember the Person You Love

older person looking at black and white photos

While you may be tempted to block out your memories and ignore your grief, taking time to think about your loved one can be a great way to honor their memory this Valentine’s Day. Reflecting on the past can be a healthy way to cope with the holiday.

Do something special in memory of your loved one and celebrate their life and the time you had together. You may want to look through photographs, listen to their favorite song, or watch their favorite movie. This would also be a good opportunity to visit the graveside and bring a fresh bouquet of flowers. No matter what you choose to do, find what you feel comfortable with and embrace your loved one’s memory.

Have Some Quiet Time

woman enjoying time by herself outside

The hustle and bustle of Valentine’s Day can be emotionally draining when you’re grieving, so don’t be afraid to take some time away by yourself! Breathe deeply and allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel.

You can also look for healthy ways to express your emotions. Allow yourself to cry, write in a grief journal, or do something creative, like painting or drawing. Maybe you could try coloring or spend some time in meditation. You could even list everything you are grateful for experiencing with your loved one or record yourself talking about your favorite memories.

No matter what you do, allow yourself to take time away from everything if you need it and let yourself grieve in a way that works for you. Find ways to reinvent the holiday to help it fit your needs as you grieve.

Spend Time with Loved Ones

multigenerational family playing soccer together

While it’s good to spend some time in solitude and reflection, it is also important to find a healthy balance. Many people who are grieving, especially those who have lost a spouse, can feel lonely on Valentine’s Day. Look for opportunities to socialize with people who support and care about you. Go out to dinner or prepare a meal together. Meals are communal experiences, opportunities to show love and support. You might even enjoy a favorite comedic film or television show together.

Numerous studies have shown that laughter plays an important role in lowering stress, improving mood, strengthening relationships, and contributing to overall health. By taking time to laugh with people you love, you take a healing step, and the stress of the holiday becomes a little easier to handle. Remember that couples aren’t the only people who can celebrate and have fun on Valentine’s Day.

Talk About How You’re Feeling

young woman comforting a young man

Your friends and family care. Don’t be afraid that you’ll “bring them down” if you talk honestly about the sadness you’re experiencing during a typically “happy” time of year. If you need time to get something off your chest, this is perfectly acceptable. You shouldn’t feel guilty for taking time to express your grief around others.

Too often, our culture encourages us to stifle sad emotions and to put on a happy face. This can make those who grieve feel guilty or ashamed for not being able to pretend to be happy all the time. Reject this irrational guilt, stay in the presence of people who care about you, and confide in them. Let them support you. If your friends and family are unable to support you at this time, join a support group or find a counselor to talk to.

Treat Yourself

bouquet of valentine's day flowers

If you don’t have someone to bring you flowers and candy on Valentine’s Day, why not treat yourself to something special? Get a massage, choose a beautiful bouquet to brighten your home, or pick out your favorite chocolates or dessert. Valentine’s Day is a day to spoil yourself and enjoy a little self-care, especially if you are missing someone special.

Valentine’s Day will never be the same without your loved one, and it’s okay, even healthy, to experience sadness at this thought. But by planning ahead in the days leading up to Valentine’s Day, you can prepare yourself for the holiday and find peace of mind amid a dizzying array of hearts, cards, and candy.

Nov 19
Love0

8 Christmas Keepsake Crafts to Honor a Loved One’s Memory

By Christmas, Grief/Loss

Person holding homemade heart plush in hands

During the holidays, feelings of grief may feel even closer to the surface. Even if it’s been years since the death occurred, the family togetherness of the holidays can bring out fresh emotions. And that’s okay. It’s completely normal to feel this way and to miss someone who’s no longer here.

To help you turn your grief into healing action, consider creating a keepsake craft that will honor your loved one’s memory and bring a little comfort to your own heart. And when appropriate, don’t be afraid to invite the kids or grandkids into the process!

8 Christmas Keepsake Crafts to Honor a Loved One’s Memory

Some of these crafts are harder than others, so either choose one that fits your craft level or be prepared to learn a new skill. You can do it!

1. Commemorative Candle

Making commemorative candle at home with special scents and added lavender

With commemorative candles, you could purchase a candle in your loved one’s favorite scent or color. To personalize it a bit more, you could write their name on the candle with glitter pens or gemstones. Alternatively, you could get a white candle and create a candle wreath of their favorite flowers or make your own candle with special scents and add-ins. Or, if you just don’t trust your crafting abilities, you could go online to Etsy or a similar site and choose a memorial candle there.

2. Memorial Ornament

Making fabric Christmas ornaments from felt

If you’d rather create a memorial ornament for the tree, there are so many websites out there with instructions on how to create the perfect one – with levels from beginner to advanced. You could get a picture frame ornament and have your loved one’s name engraved on it. If they particularly loved reindeer or elves, you could put together an ornament based on these themes. You could also create a quilted ornament using fabrics with meaningful imagery. The possibilities are vast; all you have to do is select the one that appeals to you personally.

3. Decorative Wreath

Woman decorating wreath at home with ribbon

For those who love beautiful wreaths, creating a memorial wreath may be a good option. You could display it in your home or place it at a loved one’s final resting place. The design is entirely up to you, but you could use seasonal flowers, photos, miniature items to represent your loved one’s favorite things, or even add a few of their preferred Christmas candies. Alternatively, you could create an ornament wreath, using their favorite ornaments to fill in the wreath. There’s no right or wrong when it comes to personalizing the wreath. Here’s a tutorial to get you started.

4. Christmas Stocking

Three red and white Christmas stockings hanging from a mantel

Christmas stockings are a staple in many homes during the holiday season, and they are usually displayed in a prominent place in the home. If you’d like to keep your loved one’s memory near the forefront, you might consider sewing a memorial stocking. You can personalize the design and add their name to it. Then, when it’s placed with the other stockings, you will have a comforting, visual reminder of the person you love. You can even encourage family members to write down memories and slip them into the stocking over the holiday season.

5. Personalized Pillow Cover

Red and white pillow sitting gifts and a Christmas display

Even though they may not seem like it, pillow covers are easier to make than you might think. The biggest question is – what fabric will you use? And do you want it to say anything? You could have your loved one’s picture printed on fabric to use on the pillow. Or you could monogram a quote from their favorite Christmas movie. To make it even more personal, you could use articles of your loved one’s clothing to design the pillow cover. All of these options will create a sweet keepsake you can cherish for Christmases to come.

6. Memory Chain Garland

Person making a garland with Christmas trees and stars

Perhaps the easiest craft option on the list is to create a memory garland to lay on your mantle or wrap around a staircase or doorway. All you need is paper, scissors, tape/stapler, possibly string, and a few people to help. As you put together each piece of the paper chain, write down special memories of your loved one or things about them that you are missing this holiday season. As you talk together and reminisce, you may find that the ache in your heart lessens as you take time to share special moments and remember your loved one’s life.

7. Memory Table Runner

Four Christmas table runners sitting on table with ornaments

Do you enjoy decorating with table runners? Then this keepsake craft may work well for you. The design portion is entirely up to you. Maybe you want to keep the holiday theme but add some fabric photos of your loved one on Christmases past. Or you could add other personalized elements, like a border in their favorite color. Remember to draw out your design first, so you get a visual of what it will look like. And if you’d like to include the family in the final product, leave space for people to write down favorite Christmas memories with fabric pens.

8. Memorial Stuffed Animals

Knit white bear with red scarf and pulling sled with Christmas tree

If there are children or grandchildren in your life, you could sew or knit memorial stuffed animals as a gift. You can include a small tag on the animal with a special message from the person who has died, like “I love you” or “I miss your hugs.” You could also use a lost loved one’s clothing or leftover yarn as the chosen fabric for memorial animals. In this way, there is an added element of personalization to the gift. When the child is really missing your loved one, they can squeeze the animal and find comfort. And as they grow older, it will continue to be a cherished reminder of both you and the person who has died.

If none of these Christmas keepsake craft ideas appeal to you, not to worry! This list is far from comprehensive. Just do a quick search online, and you will find a treasure trove of options to consider. But no matter what craft idea you decide to go with, may creating something to honor your loved one’s memory soothe your heart and comfort your soul this holiday season.

Nov 19
Love0
Lit red candle sitting in window in remembrance of a loved one

12 Days of Christmas Remembrance Activities

By Christmas, Grief/Loss

While traditionally the 12 Days of Christmas start on December 25 and end on January 5 (the day before Epiphany), the timeframe has been culturally adapted over the years to occur earlier in the month or even later into January. So, for the purposes of this Christmas remembrance activities list, whatever 12 days you want to consider your 12 Days of Christmas is up to you.

Bearded grandfather sitting with grandkids, looking at pictures and telling stories

The point of this exercise is to give you an easy list of remembrance activities that you can use to honor and remember a loved one this holiday season. It’s okay to miss them, and it’s good to find a way to keep their memory alive for remaining family and friends. Acts of remembrance bring comfort, healing, and a closeness you may be seeking at Christmas. So, here’s a 12 Days of Christmas Remembrance Activities list you could use with your family this season.

1st Day of Christmas: Put Up a Memory Stocking

Three knit stockings hanging on the mantel with wreath garland

On the first day of Christmas, consider putting up a memory stocking. Either put up the stocking your loved one always used or a special one. Throughout the holiday season, your family can write down memories or thoughts or draw pictures and place them in the stocking. Then, perhaps near the end of your 12 days, you can all sit down together, read the notes, and remember your loved one together.

2nd Day of Christmas: Light a Candle

Lit red candle sitting in window in remembrance of a loved one

For a long time, candles have been a symbol of remembrance. Keeping the light burning throughout the holiday season signifies that the memory of a loved one still shines bright. You could select a special candle and light it each day. Alternatively, especially if you have kids in the house, you could purchase an electric candle that you can leave lit all the time. Either way, each time you see the candle, you’ll be reminded of your loved one and the special place they have in your heart.

3rd Day of Christmas: Bake Your Loved One’s Holiday Favorites

Father baking Christmas cookies with his two young daughters, happy and having fun

Christmas comes with the comfort of so many delicious and familiar smells wafting from the kitchen. To bring your loved one’s memory into the festivities, consider adding their favorite foods and desserts to your menu. Whether it’s the family-famous cinnamon shortbread cookies or the green bean casserole with extra onions, it will feel good to include their favorites in the holiday preparations. And if you cry a little bit, that’s okay. It’s good to find positive ways to balance grief and joy during the holiday season.

4th Day of Christmas: Watch Your Loved One’s Favorite Christmas Movie

Mother sitting on couch, watching a Christmas movie with her young children

Watching Christmas movies is a time-honored tradition for so many families. There’s something oddly comforting about the tradition of bringing out the movie favorites each year. If this is true for your family, consider setting aside an evening to watch your loved one’s preferred Christmas movie. Make an evening of it, complete with popcorn, snacks, and a cozy blanket to snuggle up under. You could even bring out a photo of your loved one, so they can “watch” the movie with you.

5th Day of Christmas: Attend a Remembrance Service

Three white remembrance candles against the backdrop of a church's stained glass window

It’s fairly common for churches and funeral homes to host remembrance events around the holidays. They are very much aware of the need to remember those loved and lost. Because of that, you should be able to find a remembrance event happening in your town or a neighboring one. If you’d like to attend, consider taking the whole family or inviting close friends. There’s something comforting about sharing a loved one’s memory with others. And if there are no remembrance events in your town, invite people over to your home for a remembrance dinner instead!

6th Day of Christmas: Create a Remembrance Ornament

Red, cross-stitched heart ornament

A remembrance ornament is a great way to honor a loved one’s life. You can pull it out each year as a continual reminder of the love shared between you. If you like to keep it simple, choose an ornament at the store that reminds you of that special person. Alternatively, you could use papier-mâché, wood, fabric, or other materials to create your own. You could also use buttons, glitter, beads, sand, seashells, rocks, or seeds to create a unique design. The possibilities are numerous.

7th Day of Christmas: Listen to Your Loved One’s Christmas Playlist

Family dancing to Christmas playlist, enjoying time together

Music is a big part of the holidays. From the classics like “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” to more contemporary options like Kelly Clarkson’s “Underneath the Tree,” there are so many melodies that may bring back memories. To honor your loved one’s memory, put together a short playlist of their favorites and blast it around the house. Not only will the music touch your heart, but it will also help you add meaning to the holidays.

8th Day of Christmas: Volunteer at Your Loved One’s Favorite Charity

Three people volunteering outdoors and planting trees and bushes

At Christmastime, many people focus on giving back to the community and helping others. If your loved one had a favorite charity, you could volunteer on their behalf or give a memorial donation. Alternatively, you could sign up for a 5k benefiting a local organization, spend time at the animal shelter, or deliver meals to homebound seniors. Whatever seems the best way to honor your loved one’s memory, do that and remember them.

9th Day of Christmas: Visit Your Loved One’s Final Resting Place

Person visiting a loved one's final resting place and leaving red roses as a token of their love

Another remembrance activity to consider is visiting your loved one’s grave. You can bring a wreath, a poinsettia, notes, or other meaningful items to leave behind as a token of your love. And if your loved one was not laid to rest in a cemetery, visit the place where their ashes were released or a place that is particularly meaningful to you. It doesn’t really matter where you go, so long as it’s a place where you feel a sense of closeness and kinship to the person who has died.

10th Day of Christmas: Bring Out the Family Photos

Group of family photos at Christmas

As visual beings, we often associate memories with images and items. Sit down and scroll through your social media history or bring out the photobooks. Talk about the stories behind the photos. As you reminisce, you will feel closer to your loved one and can honor different aspects of their personality. Were they the prankster on family trips? Did they always have 15 books when the trip was only 3 days long?  Lean into the details and remember the uniqueness of who they were.

11th Day of Christmas: Wear a Christmas Sweater They Loved

Young woman sitting on couch at home, wearing an ugly Christmas sweater and working on her laptop

Was there a particular Christmas clothing item that your loved one just adored? Maybe it was that ridiculous llama sweater with festive lights or the socks with the cat’s face printed on them, complete with a Santa hat. Whether the clothing item belonged to them or you, consider taking it out of the closet and wearing it in their memory. It could be anything – shirt, pants, socks, earrings, whatever. And if you can’t think of a particular item, buy something you know would tickle their funny bone and think of them when you wear it.

12th Day of Christmas: Write Your Loved One a Letter

Man in sweater sitting at table, writing a letter and softly smiling

For the final healing activity, take a few minutes to look inward. Sit down in a quiet place and write your special person a letter. Let them know that you miss them. Tell them how the holidays have been going, what the kids or grandkids are up to, or what holiday activities you’ve done so far. During the grief journey, expressing your emotions and sharing what’s on your heart is so beneficial to helping you find the balance between grief and joy.

Now, this Christmas remembrance activities list is not set in stone. Feel free to switch around the days or add in your own ideas. This is merely a framework with some suggested activities to get you started. Personalize the 12 Days of Christmas Remembrance Activities to your family’s preferences and needs and create truly sweet moments this holiday season. May you find hope, peace, and joy as you honor and remember your lost loved one and keep their memory alive.

Nov 01
Love0

7 Ways to Decrease Thanksgiving Stress When You’re Grieving

By Exclude from Top Posts, Grief/Loss, Seasonal, Thanksgiving

Grief can be exhausting – mentally, physically, and emotionally. And holidays like Thanksgiving bring their share of stresses, especially during times of grief when it’s a battle to do the normal everyday tasks. So, what can you do this Thanksgiving to decrease your stress while you’re in a season of grief?

Before we move into 7 ways to decrease your stress, remember that whatever you’re feeling is normal. You’ve lost someone you love, and it’s hard. You may feel a wide range of emotions, including sadness, shock, denial, guilt, anger, or even relief. All you need to focus on is taking care of yourself this Thanksgiving so that you have the energy you need to process what you’re feeling and move toward healing.

Three generations of a family eating together at Thanksgiving

7 Ways to Decrease Thanksgiving Stress

Your feelings may tell you to skip Thanksgiving altogether, but before you make any big decisions, take some time to evaluate what changes you can make to reduce your stress while also participating in group or family activities.

Here are a few tips for reducing your Thanksgiving stress:

1. Simplify the Day

Store-bought pumpkin pie with a slice missing

You may normally go big with your Thanksgiving meal and decorations, but this year, give yourself permission to take it easy. With a few adjustments, you can take a task or event from stressful to simple. For example, you could do a potluck so that the cooking is spread out amongst the group. Or you could order a ready-made dinner with all the trimmings from a local restaurant. You could also minimize the home or table decorations and opt for store-bought desserts this year. With just a few small tweaks, you can greatly decrease your to-do list and your stress.

2. Don’t Be Afraid to Say “No”

Grandmother and granddaughter in the kitchen; grandmother holding platter with turkey and smiling as granddaughter kisses her cheek

Thanksgiving and the fall season come with many possible events, get-togethers, recitals, concerts, family gatherings, and more. You may not have the energy to go to everything, and that’s okay. Choose the most important events and pass on the rest.

As you prioritize events, make sure to talk to your family about your plans so they know when to expect you and when not to. This way, they can let you know what’s important for them – maybe a child’s recital – and you can plan ahead for the events you will attend. Plus, communicating your plans to family and taking their requests into account will help soothe any ruffled feathers and keep things relaxed.

3. Let Others Help You

Person in yellow coat raking fall leaves

If you’re like many of us, you learned early that it’s good to be independent and self-reliant. And while these two things are not inherently bad, we can sometimes take them a little too far, refusing help when we actually need it. So, this Thanksgiving, don’t be afraid to accept a little help. Let people support you through this time of grief. Accept casseroles, offers to do yardwork or run errands, and assistance with household chores. It will only make things less stressful and easier for you.

4. Take Time Out for Yourself

Woman in yellow sweater holding mug of pumpkin spice latte

Grief takes a toll on us, and it’s important to find ways to take care of ourselves. That means getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, pampering yourself every so often, and not overdoing it. At Thanksgiving, self-care may be splurging on your current pumpkin spice obsession, going for walks in the cool air, or simply spending quiet time alone to journal, meditate, listen to music, or cuddle with your pet. No matter what it is that helps you relax and feel cared for, take time to do that this Thanksgiving.

5. Share What’s On Your Mind

Two mature ladies walking outside and talking in the fall

You may be tempted to push down your feelings and power through Thanksgiving week, but try to resist the temptation. Instead, build in opportunities for reflection and make time to express yourself. This could mean painting, talking with friends or family, or attending a grief support group or a remembrance service. There will be times when your grief shows up unexpectedly, and that’s okay. People will understand if you’re teary. But by intentionally taking time to address your emotions, you can better process what you’re feeling in your own time and on your own terms.

6. Find Meaningful Ways to Honor Your Loved One

Simple place setting for a Thanksgiving table

This Thanksgiving, you’re missing someone special. Rather than ignoring their absence, consider finding a special way to honor their memory. Avoiding the elephant in the room – your grief and loss – may lead to feelings of stress. By openly honoring a loved one, you will have the freedom to include your loved one’s memory in the festivities without reservation.

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

  • Save a seat for them at the table
  • Create a remembrance item
  • Serve their favorite dish
  • Pull out the family photos and reminisce
  • Visit the graveside and leave a bouquet or memento
  • Continue one of their favorite traditions or incorporate a new one in their honor

While remembering your loved one may bring moments of sadness, there will be joy in finding ways to make them a special part of the day.

7. Allow Things to Be Different This Year

If you’re someone who wants everything just-so, one big way to reduce your Thanksgiving stress is to let things be different this year. Let go of the need for a perfectly decorated dining table, perfectly curated activities, or the perfectly prepared meal. Give yourself a little grace and some room to breathe. Thanksgiving is different this year; it’s harder. Do what you can to keep things simple.

Simple Thanksgiving meal of biscuits, green beans, and turkey with cranberry sauce

Now, it’s important to acknowledge that no two people are alike. Some of these suggestions will resonate with you and some won’t. That’s just fine. If having the perfectly trimmed Thanksgiving dinner helps you relax, then go all out. If baking those 15 pies provides a release of tension, do it. You know yourself best, so implement the ideas that work best for who you are.

Just remember – it’s okay to let yourself feel however you feel this Thanksgiving. You don’t have to force yourself to be cheerful, and you don’t have to stop yourself from feeling happy if you enjoy the day. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love or miss the person who is gone; it means that you are human. We are complex beings, and our lives are filled with moments of joy mixed with moments of grief, sometimes both at once! Take time on Thanksgiving to step back, take care of yourself, and enjoy time with the people you love the most. If you do, you will create sweet memories to cherish in the years to come.

Jun 01
Love0
Quill pen and ink bottle next to a stack of handwritten letters

Ladies of Liberty: Remembering Mercy Otis Warren

By Exclude from Top Posts, Seasonal

“The British were indeed very far superior to the Americans in every respect necessary to military operations, except the revivified courage and resolution, the result of sudden success after despair.”
– Mercy Otis Warren

As we mark the Fourth of July and the independence brought about after the Revolutionary War, it’s impossible not to remember the historical men and women who played key roles in the creation of our nation. Men like George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, and Thomas Jefferson are easily remembered, but what about the women – the ladies of liberty – who also deserve our remembrance and respect? Today, let’s talk about Mercy Otis Warren and how she influenced the American Revolution with her mightiest weapon – a pen!

Biography

Early years

Born in Barnstable, Massachusetts, on September 14, 1728, Mercy Otis Warren was the third of James and Mary Allyne Otis’s thirteen children. Like many women at the time, Mercy didn’t receive a formal education, but she learned much about history and politics from her father, her uncle, and her older brother, James Otis Jr., who helped her build her passion for writing.

In 1754, Mercy married James Warren, a friend of her brother and a politically active patriot, and the two had five children together. Thanks to her husband’s position and commitment to the colonies’ cause, their house became the center for much of the political action at the time, and the two often hosted groups of Patriots in their home. In fact, she and her husband were friends with John and Abigail Adams, who supported and encouraged their efforts to aid the Revolution, and the two couples often exchanged letters.

Early Influence on the Revolution

As unrest began to build in the colonies, Mercy was determined to build support for the Patriot cause. While she could not become involved in politics as a woman, she did have one powerful skill she could use to influence others: writing. Starting in 1772, Mercy wrote and anonymously published multiple satirical plays and dramas that criticized Britain’s policies and their Loyalist support.

After the Boston Tea Party in December of 1773, John Adams wrote a letter to James, Mercy’s husband, that asked for Mercy to write about the event. Mercy did, writing a poem titled “The Squabble of the Sea Nymphs; or the Sacrifice of the Tuscararoes,” which the Boston Gazette published on their front page. Her works helped fuel support for the Patriots’ cause and brought the nation closer to the fight for independence.

Photo of the US Constitution

Writing the History of a New Nation

While Mercy’s early writings shaped the course of the Revolution, the works she wrote after the Revolution made an even bigger impact. Mercy was unafraid to stand by her political beliefs and examine the actions of even the most powerful politicians despite some of the backlash she received. After the drafting of the Constitution in 1787, Mercy wrote a pamphlet denouncing the Constitution, pointing out that it moved power away from the people without protecting their rights – an argument that encouraged Congress to add the Bill of Rights in 1789.

Additionally, her most famous work is History of the Rise, Progress, and Termination of the American Revolution, a detailed historical account of the Revolution she lived through. Within its pages, Mercy provides a detailed picture of the events of the Revolution, along with her own commentary. Unlike many of her contemporaries, she argued against slavery, stating that the practice was contrary to American principles. While the collection was not popular when published in 1805, Mercy’s account is valued by historians as one of the earliest accounts of the Revolution, with many significant insights about the historical figures of the time.

Mercy continued writing for many years until her death in 1814. She was buried next to her husband at Burial Hill Cemetery in Plymouth, Massachusetts.

Key Contributions

At a time when women were discouraged from formal education and politics, Mercy became a powerful force in both realms. Her writings paved the way for the Revolution and created a space for women’s voices and opinions. In addition, she passionately supported many causes, including the rights of the people, education for women, and the abolition of slavery.

From her plays to her historical accounts, Mercy left her mark on the Revolution and shared her unique perspective on the events she experienced firsthand.

Quill pen and ink bottle next to a stack of handwritten letters

Interesting Facts

  • Hosted political meetings at her home
  • A close friend of many Patriot leaders, including John and Abigail Adams
  • Wrote three satirical plays criticizing British policies: The Adulator (1772), Defeat (1773), and The Group (1775)
  • Wrote History of the Rise, Progress, and Termination of the American Revolution (1805), one of the first accounts of the Revolution
  • The first female historian in the United States
  • A statue of Mercy stands outside of the Barnstable County Courthouse in Massachusetts

The Importance of Legacy and Remembrance

As you can see, Mercy Otis Warren lived an extraordinary life and used her words to help shape our nation during a difficult time. She was a patriot. An intellectual. A wife and mother. A brilliant writer. A feminist. A historian. She left a clear legacy, both to her children and to the fledgling nation she helped found.

As we remember Mercy Otis Warren and the events that made her life both ordinary and extraordinary, take a moment to think about your own life. Are you leaving a legacy that you and your family can be proud of? Have you shared what’s most important with those you care about?

With our legacies, we contribute to the future. What we do matters. While most of us will never be famous or well-known, that’s not the point of a legacy. Instead, think of legacy as your opportunity to take your family and the next generation to a level you can only imagine. Just like Mercy did!

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