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family sharing Thanksgiving dinner together

6 Ways to Help a Grieving Friend at Thanksgiving

By Grief/Loss, Helping a Friend in Grief, Seasonal, Thanksgiving

With food to prepare, family trips to manage, and upcoming holidays to plan for, Thanksgiving can be a busy and stressful time. For those grieving at Thanksgiving, this season can also bring heartache. Because Thanksgiving is a family-centered holiday, people who have lost a loved one may see reminders of their loss all around them. A holiday that once brought joy may be a painful reminder of their loved one’s absence.

Whether you have a friend or a family member who has lost a loved one, you can help make Thanksgiving a little bit easier for them. Here are six ways you can help a grieving friend at Thanksgiving!

1. Check in with them

friends catching up outside during the fall

One of the most important things you can do for a grieving friend is to check on them. This is true at any time of the year, especially on holidays and special days. Take time to ask your friend how they’re doing and truly listen to their response. They may not want to talk about their grief and pretend everything’s normal, or they may pour out all their emotions to you. Or they may not want to talk at all! That’s okay. Just let them know that you’re thinking of them and ready to listen when they’re ready to share.

As you talk with your friend, try not to talk too much about your own past grief experiences or offer advice unless it is asked for. Everyone grieves differently, and your friend may just need you to listen to them. Above all, focus on listening and supporting your friend as they navigate their grief.

2. Encourage them to set boundaries

pumpkin mug next to cozy blankets

For many of us, it can be hard to admit when we need to step back or ask for help. This can especially be true for those who are usually in charge of planning for holidays like Thanksgiving. A grandmother may feel like it’s her responsibility to manage everything in the kitchen, or a father may feel like he has to organize the family football game, even if he doesn’t feel like it. Encourage your friend to set boundaries and say no to things if they don’t feel up to participating.

3. Invite them to join your celebration

friends holding hands at Thanksgiving

No one should have to spend Thanksgiving on their own. Maybe your friend is older and has just lost their spouse, or maybe a single friend lives far from their family. Inviting your grieving friend to join your family’s Thanksgiving celebration can be a beautiful way to support them and show that you care.

However, if they refuse to join you, don’t take offense. Your friend may not feel up to being with a large group of people, especially if they don’t know the other members of your family. You can always offer alternatives, like just visiting for part of the time or meeting up for lunch the day before. Just make sure they know your offer is genuine and they are truly welcome.

4. Share food with their family

family sharing Thanksgiving dinner together

Planning, cooking, and serving a full Thanksgiving meal can be daunting for a family that has lost a loved one. If you don’t mind making extra and sharing, offer to help your friend’s family by bringing them food on or before Thanksgiving. Providing even one dish can be a huge relief for a family that is grieving at Thanksgiving. You could even gather several other friends and each make a dish to share with your friend. Just make sure you check with your friend first, in case they’ve made other plans for their Thanksgiving meal.

5. Create a new tradition

friends sharing pumpkin pie together

While some people who are grieving want to stick with their usual traditions so things feel normal, others may want to try something completely new. You and your friend can create a new tradition together! Maybe you can try a new pie recipe before Thanksgiving, set up family interviews to learn more about your family history, or participate in a Turkey Trot together. You can even help them find ways to honor their loved one at Thanksgiving. For example, you and your friend could create a memorial for their loved one or volunteer in their loved one’s name.

6. Offer to help in practical ways

friend raking leaves

Many people have trouble asking for help because they feel like a burden – especially when everyone else is busy during the holidays. If you know your friend might be struggling, offer to help in practical ways. You could offer to put up fall decorations or do yard work. Maybe you could pick up groceries for them when you do your own grocery shopping. You can help watch their kids or pets on Thanksgiving or the day before while your friend gets things ready. If your friend has family coming in from out of town, you could pick up their family members from the airport. Take initiative and offer to help with something specific so your friend knows you truly want to help.

Above all, make sure your grieving friend knows they’re not alone, and give them time to process their grief. While it may take them time to accept your help or feel comfortable sharing their feelings, being available and supportive is a wonderful way to show you care. As you celebrate Thanksgiving, let your friend know that one of the things you’re thankful for is them and their friendship!

Door with fall decorations

Coping with Loss During the Halloween Season

By Exclude from Top Posts, Seasonal No Comments

As the seasons change, you may see Halloween décor pop up around your neighborhood. Spider webs and tombstones, skeletons and caution tape, and all manner of ghouls and goblins begin to grace the streets in anticipation of the holiday.

But if you have experienced a sudden, tragic, or violent loss, the Halloween season can feel like navigating a minefield, especially if children are involved. What may have once been a fun, candy-filled holiday may now seem distorted, insensitive, and disturbing. Grotesquely exaggerated images of death seem to be around every corner. Symbols of death, such as cemeteries, become scenes for entertainment—making a mockery of death.

You may even feel betrayed by those around you. Your friends or family may need help understanding how hurtful their enthusiastic celebration of Halloween can be.

But by making a plan for the holiday, communicating with your family, and taking time to mourn in your own way, you can make your Halloween experience better. Below are a few tips for managing your grief during the Halloween season:

Decide What Feels Right

Couple walking in the mountains during the fall

First and foremost, spend a few minutes deciding what you want Halloween to look like for you and your family this year. This is a time to do what’s best for yourself and your family – not yield to the expectations of others. You can avoid that spooky house on the way to work by taking an alternate route. You can skip the store aisles displaying seasonal items. Make a plan for how – and to what degree – you will celebrate this year…if you choose to celebrate at all. Most of the time, anxiety comes when no plan is in place. To avoid unpleasant emotions, decide what feels appropriate for you and your family ahead of time.

Choose Alternate Halloween Activities

Family with kids at a pumpkin patch

Rather than celebrate Halloween as you have in years past, you could choose other, more neutral fall activities, such as visiting a pumpkin patch or going on a hay ride. Or, choose lighthearted or funny costumes instead of scary ones. If you decide to trick or treat with kids, check with them to see if they are prepared to face some of the scary, gory costumes or yard decorations they may see. In addition, be sure you know what you are getting into when you go to a Halloween carnival or party. As a safer alternative, many churches offer family-friendly fall festivals or “trunk or treat” opportunities for children.

Mourn in Your Own Way

Mourning is a deeply personal journey; only you know how to mourn for yourself. You could light a candle in remembrance, decorate with fall leaves and gourds instead of skulls and cobwebs, or start a new tradition! Make caramel apples, watch It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, or make some s’mores over a fire–maybe even spend time remembering what you loved most about the person who died and honoring their life.

Communicate with Others

Father comforting his son outside in the fall

If you are having trouble with this holiday, be honest about how you feel with those around you. If your friends or family ask you to participate in something you are not quite ready for, let them know what you are going through. You can also share your feelings with a support group, online forum, or trusted counselor or friend. Sharing your feelings can help you process any emotions triggered by this season and help you move toward healing and reconciliation with the loss.

Try Not to Blame Others for Their Halloween Zeal

Although this time can be challenging, others haven’t experienced what you have. Most people see Halloween as a chance to dress up and be someone else for a while. Try to understand that most people are unaware of what you’re going through and that they aren’t trying to be insensitive. Stick to your boundaries, communicate them to others, and explain your reasons if you feel comfortable.

 

As you navigate through Halloween, give yourself and those around you grace. If your feelings about Halloween have changed, that’s okay – accept your emotions as valid and set up the boundaries that will help you grieve. Above all, give yourself time and space for healing, without rushing the process.

Soldiers dressed in Continental Army uniforms, holding rifles

Ladies of Liberty: Remembering Deborah Sampson

By Exclude from Top Posts, Seasonal

I became an actor in that important drama with an inflexible resolution to persevere through the last scene, when we might be permitted and acknowledged to enjoy what we had so nobly declared we would possess or lose with our lives – Freedom and Independence!” – Deborah Sampson

As we mark the Fourth of July and the independence brought about after the Revolutionary War, it’s impossible not to remember the historical men and women who played key roles in the creation of our nation. Men like George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, and Thomas Jefferson are easily remembered, but what about the women – the ladies of liberty – who also deserve our remembrance and respect? Today, let’s talk about Deborah Sampson, a woman whose story you may never have heard.

Biography

Early life

The first of seven children, Deborah was born on December 17, 1760, near Plympton, Massachusetts. Her parents struggled financially, and while she was still a child, her father Jonathan Sampson Jr. died at sea. Her mother could not support all seven children, so they were each sent to live in different homes. Eventually, young Deborah became an indentured servant in the home of Benjamin Thomas, a farmer with a large family. She lived with them until her indenture was complete at age 18.

After her time with the Thomas family was complete, Deborah worked as a teacher in the summer and a weaver in the winter. But then, in 1782, Deborah did something completely unexpected – she disguised herself as a man and enlisted in the Fourth Massachusetts Regiment in the Continental Army. Her alias was Robert Shurtleff, and it was more than 18 months before she was discovered.

Military service

While incognito, Deborah was assigned to Captain George Webb’s famous Light Infantry. Some of her missions included scouting neutral territory to assess British build-up, leading 30 infantrymen in an expedition that ended in a skirmish, and raiding a Tory home where 15 men were taken prisoner.

At one point, she took a bullet to the shoulder, but in order to stay undiscovered, she removed the bullet herself rather than seek medical attention. However, in the summer of 1783 (mere weeks before the Treaty of Paris was signed), she fell unconscious with a high fever and her gender was discovered by the attending physician. Interestingly, she was not reprimanded, but was instead given an honorable discharge on October 25, 1783.

Soldiers dressed in Continental Army uniforms, holding rifles

Following the war

After the war ended, Deborah returned to Massachusetts where she married a farmer named Benjamin Gannett in 1784. They had three children together and adopted a fourth. In 1792, she petitioned the Massachusetts State Legislature to receive back pay for her service, and she won.

Then, in 1802, she went on a lecture tour in Massachusetts, New York, and Rhode Island, where she talked about her experiences in the Continental Army. She was the first American woman to complete a lecture tour, and it was quite the success. Afterward, she petitioned Congress that she be allowed to receive a disability pension due to a shoulder injury she sustained. Though it took time, and she was denied once, Deborah ultimately won the pension. She became the only woman to receive a military pension associated with service in the Revolutionary War.

Not much is known about her later years, but in April 1827, Deborah died in Sharon, Massachusetts. Her headstone in Sharon honors her service and calls her, “The Female Soldier.”

Key Contributions

Much of Deborah’s story is unknown, but without a doubt, she was committed to the cause for independence and made history. While she is the most famous, she is not the only woman to have served in the Revolutionary War. Other women include Anna Maria Lane, Elizabeth Gilmore, Anne Bailey, and Margaret Corbin, to name a few. We also honor and remember them for being ladies of liberty.

However, unlike her counterparts, Deborah’s dedication and commitment were recognized and honored by state and federal governments – long before women were allowed to vote or have a voice in political matters. In this, she is unique and showcases the strength and fortitude of Revolutionary Era women.

shows encampment tents common to the Revolutionary War

Interesting Facts

  • The only woman to receive a full military pension for participation in the Continental Army
  • A descendent of two prominent Mayflower families: Myles Standish and William Bradford
  • Joined the Fourth Massachusetts Regiment disguised as a man named Robert Shurtleff
  • A member of George Webb’s Light Infantry, which was the most active troop in the Hudson Valley during her time of service
  • Shot during a skirmish, it’s said she left the bullet in her shoulder, so she could continue to serve undetected
  • Her life story was recorded in The Female Review, or Memoirs of an American Young Lady (by Herman Mann); it is thought that some stories were likely embellished
  • The first American woman to go on a lecture tour
  • The only woman to receive a full military pension for service during the Revolutionary War
  • After her death, her husband was granted pay for being the spouse of a soldier, and the committee stated that the Revolution had “furnished no other similar example of female heroism, fidelity, and courage.”
  • Outside the public library in Sharon, Massachusetts, a statue stands in memory of her Revolutionary War service

The Importance of Legacy and Remembrance

As you can see, Deborah Sampson lived an exciting and unconventional life in many ways. She was a survivor. An overcomer. A soldier and a patriot. A wife and mother. A public speaker. A woman of resilience and strength. She left a clear legacy, both to her children and to the fledgling nation she helped found.

As we remember Deborah Sampson and the events that made her life both ordinary and extraordinary, take a moment to think about your own life. Are you leaving a legacy that you and your family can be proud of? Have you shared what’s most important with those you care about?

With our legacies, we contribute to the future. What we do matters. While most of us will never be famous or well-known, that’s not the point of a legacy. Instead, think of legacy as your opportunity to take your family and the next generation to a level you can only imagine. Just like Deborah did!

Waman in white dress sitting at table with candles, paper, and quill pen

Ladies of Liberty: Remembering Abigail Adams

By Exclude from Top Posts, Seasonal

“To be good, and do good, is the whole duty of man comprised in a few words.” – Abigail Adams

As we mark the Fourth of July and the independence brought about after the Revolutionary War, it’s impossible not to remember the historical men and women who played key roles in the creation of our nation. Men like George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, and Thomas Jefferson are easily remembered, but what about the women – the ladies of liberty – who also deserve our remembrance and respect? Today, let’s talk about Abigail Adams and the indelible mark she left upon our nation.

Portrait of Abigail Adams Portrait of John Adams
(Portraits of Abigail and John Adams later in life)

Biography

Early years

Born in Weymouth, Massachusetts, on November 11, 1744, Abigail was the second child of Reverend William and Elizabeth Quincy Smith. Like many women of her time, Abigail was educated at home, and she showed a great voracity for learning and reading. Even beyond lessons from her tutor, she took it upon herself to read the books in her father’s library and became one of the most well-read women in the 18th century.

Through a mutual friend, Abigail met John Adams in 1759, and soon, they began a courtship. Even with a nine-year age difference, the two were a match in both heart and mind. They married in 1764 and had their first child within a year. Throughout the early years of their marriage, the Adamses focused on John’s career as a lawyer, caring for the family farm, and raising four children.

Rise to prominence

In 1770, John’s name rose to greater prominence when he elected to defend the nine British soldiers on trial for the Boston Massacre. With greater and greater responsibilities before him, John was away from home more and more. This led to a series of famous letters between he and Abigail. In fact, over the course of their marriage, the two exchanged more than 1,100 letters! And in each one, John sought his wife’s guidance, wisdom, and opinions, which she freely gave.

When you compare John’s political stance with the opinions expressed by his wife in their extensive letters, it’s clear to see that he greatly valued her mind and her thoughts. In many ways, it was their partnership that helped form a new nation.

John Adams would go on to serve as a Continental Congress representative, a U.S. Minister, Vice President, and President of the United States. Through each season of life, Abigail stood staunchly by his side. When she stayed at their home in Massachusetts, she educated the children and kept the farm prosperous. Additionally, when possible, she shared information about military confrontations around Boston. She and her son, John Quincy, witnessed the Battle of Bunker Hill from a hill near their farm.

Sepia-toned map of the Braintree and Weymouth area where the Adamses lived

Becoming First Lady

After the conclusion of the war, Abigail joined her husband in France and Great Britain where he served as a U.S. Minister. Upon their return to the United States, John was elected Vice President under George Washington (1789-1797) and then President (1797-1801). After one term, John lost the presidency to Thomas Jefferson. He and Abigail retired to their home in Massachusetts. After 54 years and four children together, Abigail died of typhoid fever on October 28, 1818. At her death, her husband stated, “I wish I could lay down beside her and die, too.”

With her quick wit, strong opinions, and fierce love of freedom and independence, Abigail Adams is considered the strongest female voice in the American Revolution. We will never know what would have happened had she not expressed her opinions and partnered – shoulder to shoulder – with her husband, and we don’t want to know.

Key Contributions

Through her extensive letters with husband John Adams, we have a clear view of what life looked like for Revolutionary Era women. Abigail is most known for her strong and firm opinions on the:

  • Abolition of slavery
  • Rights of women, especially education
  • Importance of independence and representation

Additionally, she was also a pivotal presence in her son John Quincy Adams’ political career. Though she did not live to see him elected the 6th president of the United States, her influence and wisdom played a large role in his success.

Though she herself refused to publish her personal correspondence, her grandson Charles Francis Adams arranged for their release. By doing so, he forever preserved her unique experience and perspective on American life and democracy.

Waman in white dress sitting at table with candles, paper, and quill pen

Interesting Facts

  • Abigail was both the wife (John Adams – 2nd) and the mother (John Quincy Adams – 6th) of U.S. Presidents. The only other woman to hold this distinction is Barbara Bush.
  • Often unappreciated by her critics, scathingly called “Mrs. President” due to the amount of influence she had with her husband
  • The first Second Lady of the United States (wife of the first Vice President)
  • The first First Lady to live in what would become the White House
  • Had a total of six children, but two daughters died in infancy
  • President Harry S. Truman had a high opinion of her, and stated, “She would have been a better President than her husband.”
  • Became close friends with Martha Washington, George Washington’s wife
  • Missed her husband’s inauguration to care for his dying mother

The Importance of Legacy and Remembrance

As you can see, Abigail Adams led a noteworthy life, though she may not have said so herself. She was a wise and loving wife. A devoted mother. A staunch feminist. A bold abolitionist. A tireless letter writer and communicator. A woman with deep thoughts and strong ideals. She left a clear legacy, both to her children and to the fledgling nation she helped found.

As we remember Abigail Adams and the events that made her life both ordinary and extraordinary, take a moment to think about your own life. Are you leaving a legacy that you and your family can be proud of? Have you shared what’s most important with those you care about?

With our legacies, we contribute to the future. What we do matters. While most of us will never be famous or well-known, that’s not the point of a legacy. Instead, think of legacy as your opportunity to take your family and the next generation to a level you can only imagine. Just like Abigail did!

cemetery with bright sunrise behind

Why Should You Visit Your Loved One’s Grave at Easter?

By Grief/Loss, Seasonal

Easter is typically a joyful time, but if you’ve recently lost a loved one, you may find it difficult to find the hope that Easter usually represents. Your grief may feel at odds with the celebration of new beginnings, but you can still honor your loved one’s memory while celebrating Easter. One way to do that is by visiting your loved one’s grave.

While visiting a cemetery at Easter may seem like a somber activity, it can help you in your grief journey. Easter is a time of reflection, and spending time at your loved one’s grave can help you find meaning in your loss and hope for the future.

Here are a few reasons you should consider visiting your loved one’s grave at Easter:

bouquet of Easter flowers

Bring Seasonal Flowers

Easter is often celebrated with beautiful flowers, like lilies, tulips, and daffodils. Because Easter happens at the beginning of spring, it’s one of the first occasions when there are more flowers in season and available. Bringing a bouquet of spring or Easter flowers to your loved one’s grave can make your visit more personal and make it feel like they’re a part of the day with you.

Many families decorate their loved one’s grave at Easter using flowers or other Easter decorations, like stuffed rabbits, pastel butterflies, or angel wings. These displays can be a way for families to incorporate their loved one into their Easter celebration. If you wish to leave flowers or decorate your loved one’s grave, please check your cemetery’s rules about graveside decorations.

Small plant sprouting

Meditate on New Beginnings

When we think of Easter, we often think of new beginnings. For Christians, the resurrection of Jesus Christ is a symbol of hope and new life. For many others, Easter is a time to reflect on the new beginnings that spring brings. When you visit your loved one’s grave, you’re able to meditate and reflect without distractions, which gives you time to slow down and think deeply.

Visiting your loved one’s grave at Easter after a long, dreary winter can also remind you of hope. If you visited the cemetery during the winter, the air was likely cold, the grass dead, and the mood somber. But at Easter, the grass has turned green and flowers are blooming. The landscape will be beautiful again after the darkness of winter, which will help your visit feel more joyful and remind you that hope is just around the corner.

yellow spring flower by headstone

Reflect on Your Loved One’s Legacy

Have you ever watched a movie where a character visits a loved one’s grave to have a moment of reflection and talk to them? Believe it or not, talking to your loved one at their grave can help you in your grief journey. Speaking out loud to your loved one can help you better process and understand the emotions you’re feeling. Plus, with the warmer spring weather at Easter time, you’ll be able to linger longer than you could in the previous months. While you can talk to your loved one any time, their grave serves as a physical reminder of them, which can help you feel more connected to them.

As you speak with your loved one, reflect on the positive memories you have with them. Your loved one left behind a legacy. By remembering what they taught you and the impact they made on your life, you can find gratitude for the time you were able to spend with them. After all, that’s what Easter is all about – being grateful for the blessings we’ve received. When we lose a loved one, it’s easy for us to wish they were with us and mourn the moments we won’t be able to share with them, but it’s just as important to treasure the beautiful times we did spend with them.

grave at Easter with bright sunrise behind

Contemplate Life and Death

Easter is the perfect time for contemplation – especially about life and death. When we visit the grave of a loved one, we are reminded of our own mortality. It’s a wonderful reminder that life is short and that the time we have is precious. Visiting your loved one’s grave can help you consider what’s most important to you by reminding you of what was most important in your relationship with your loved one.

For Christians, Easter is a celebration of Jesus’ death and resurrection and a reminder of the hope of salvation and life after death. Visiting a loved one’s grave can be a reminder that you will be reunited with your loved one again someday. No matter what you believe, though, Easter and the coming of spring can be a great opportunity to contemplate your beliefs about life and death and consider what makes your life meaningful.

 

As you celebrate the hope, joy, and new life of Easter, taking time to think of your lost loved one can help you on your grief journey. If you’ve never visited your loved one’s grave before, visiting on a holiday like Easter can be a great place to start. By taking time to reflect at your loved one’s grave at Easter and incorporating them into your traditions, you can begin to find peace and new hope for the future.

Shows decorated Easter basket with candy, homemade bunny, and stuffed animal

6 Ways to Honor a Loved One’s Memory at Easter

By Grief/Loss, Seasonal

While holiday grief is often more closely associated with Thanksgiving or Christmas, any holiday can stir up feelings of loss and sadness. If you are missing a lost loved one this Easter, consider taking comfort in honoring their life through meaningful actions. When we take those internal feelings of grief and outwardly express them through mourning actions, something almost unexplainable happens. Somehow, peace comes. The heart aches less. The person you’re missing seems closer than they did before. So, to help you pinpoint the best way to honor your loved one’s memory this Easter, let’s brainstorm options.

Close-up of white Easter lilies

Order a Bouquet of Easter Lilies

Perhaps you’ve heard that flowers have meaning, and the lily is no different. It represents purity, sympathy, innocence, peace, and hope. Traditionally, the lily is closely linked to both Easter and funerals. The connection lies in the belief that there is new life and rebirth after death, much like the hope that comes with Jesus Christ’s resurrection. To honor your loved one, consider ordering a bouquet of Easter lilies to display in your home, donate to a local church, or place at your loved one’s final resting place.

Shows decorated Easter basket with candy, homemade bunny, and stuffed animal

 Honor Your Loved One in Your Easter Baskets

If your family celebrates with Easter baskets, you can theme the basket after your loved one. For example, use “grass” or tissue paper in their favorite color. Include their favorite candy or chocolate bar with a note that says “Love, <name>.” Include a photo, poem, or work of art that has special meaning. Depending on what you want to do, you could even put together a basket specifically for the person who has died. This might be particularly helpful when a child or young sibling has died. It allows that lost family member to be included in the festivities and keeps their memory alive.

Plastic Easter eggs to use for memory notes

Create a Memory Basket

Though similar to a themed Easter basket, a memory basket is a bit different. To create one, you should set up an area in your home with a basket and empty plastic Easter eggs. Add pens and little strips of paper. Then, in the days leading up to Easter, encourage family members (and friends) to write down a special memory and place it in an egg. Then, on Easter, you can read the memories aloud together or each person can find their egg and keep it as a remembrance token. There’s flexibility with how you set things up, but the main idea is to recall and share sweet memories.

Person sitting quietly with religious book, hands clasped in prayer

Attend an Easter Service

If you are a person of faith, attending an Easter service can bring great comfort and a reminder that life doesn’t end with death. Spirituality and faith sustain millions of people around the world as they process loss and grief. That’s why attending a service can be the perfect activity when you are missing a loved one at Easter. You can light a candle of remembrance, speak your loved one’s name aloud, read a litany, say a prayer. All of these symbolic actions can bring peace and hope. Plus, if attending a service is something that would make your loved one smile, you can do it for them!

Family of 4 posing with Easter bunny ears and dyeing eggs

Take an Easter Family Photo

Many families take a family photo at Easter, and it can create a sweet remembrance keepsake. When you take the photo, include something that reminds you of your loved one. For example, wear a clothing item they gave you, hold a framed portrait of them in the picture, grab their favorite thing (quilt, stuffed animal, book, etc.) to include. Just because your loved one is no longer physically present doesn’t mean that you can’t include them in the special moments of your life. After all, their influence and impact doesn’t end with death – that will live on in you!

Shows a delicious loaf of strawberry bread with bunny shape in the middle

Keep Family Traditions Going

If you ask different families what their Easter traditions are, you’re going to get different answers. To honor your loved one, choose one of their Easter traditions and start doing it with your family. Maybe that’s an elaborate Easter egg hunt or only filling the eggs with Hershey kisses. Perhaps it means roasting Peeps over the fire, baking a bunny cake, or watching the Irving Berlin movie Easter Parade. Whatever it looks like, you can add a special tradition to your holiday that will bring a smile to your face and joy to your heart.

There are, of course, many ways to remember a loved one on Easter, so feel free to be creative. While the grief you feel may not entirely go away, doing something to honor them can turn your mourning into dancing.

Honor Your Loved One this Valentine’s Day

By Grief/Loss, Seasonal

Chocolate-filled heart boxes, baby cupids, and red roses often signal the start of the season of love, which ultimately culminates with Valentine’s Day and brings the chance to celebrate romantic and friendship relationships. However, there are those who may be feeling anything but lovey-dovey as they battle grief that can become more painful during holidays.

It’s important to remember that it’s perfectly normal and understandable to feel grief while others seem cheerful. Still, there are several ways to work through grief and honor your loved one on special days, especially Valentine’s Day. You may even find peace, healing, and positivity through these acts of remembrance.

If you or your family is facing grief this Valentine’s Day, try these 6 activities to honor your loved one and bring healing to your heart.

1. Write a Personal Valentine’s Day Card

Woman hand writing on paper in office.

Most can trace their earliest Valentine’s Day memories to exchanging valentines with friends at school. It felt great to go home with little cards (and candy!) saying how much those friends cared. Capture that feeling again and use it to remember your loved one.

Have each member of your family write a personalized and meaningful valentine to your loved one. Sharing, remembering, and getting your thoughts onto paper can help with your grief journey and may even help remove any emotional buildup you may be feeling. It can also help you better understand what your loved one meant to you.

Feel free to share these thoughts with the rest of your family or keep them to yourself – whatever brings you the most healing.

2. Enjoy a Chocolate Treat

Girl with mother preparing cake in kitchen.

Chocolate and Valentine’s Day go together like turkey and Thanksgiving, Santa Clause and Christmas, and fireworks on the Fourth of July. So, use chocolate to remember your loved one on Valentine’s Day. Plus, you can get your whole family involved!

As a family, grab an apron and a cooking utensil to get started on your loved one’s favorite chocolate dessert. Spending time and working together can help bring you all closer, especially if you begin sharing stories of your loved one. If your loved one wasn’t a fan of chocolate, try whipping up their favorite cherry or strawberry dish. Both are common Valentine’s Day foods, so you can still keep the connection between your loved one and the holiday.

Whether you choose chocolate, cherry, strawberry, or something else, be sure to share your dish with others! Watching your neighbors, coworkers, or other family members enjoy this tasty treat can bring joy to you and your family, knowing others are being positively impacted by your loved one’s memory.

3. Deliver Flowers to Their Grave

White grave markers and flowers at a national cemetery.

You may have already participated in this act of remembrance, but what better opportunity to place a beautiful bouquet at your loved one’s final resting place? This is an excellent chance to find great flowers that will honor your loved one. Red roses would best show that you’re thinking of them on Valentine’s Day, but there are other colors and flowers you can choose.

Each rose color has a symbolic meaning: red for passionate love, pink for friendship, and others. If you want to choose a different flower, there are several other options, each with their own meaning. No matter what you decide, taking flowers to your loved one’s grave on Valentine’s Day is a simple way to feel close to them on what can be a hard day.

Each rose color has a symbolic meaning: red for passionate love, pink for friendship, and others. Even the choice of flower has a meaning, with calla lilies signifying marriage, peonies with healing, among other options. No matter what you decide, visiting your loved one with your family and flowers is a simple way to feel close to them on what can be a hard day.

4. Watch a Movie Together

A glass bowl of popcorn and remote control in the background the TV works. Evening cozy watching a movie or TV series at home.

Bringing the family together for a movie is a great way to take a break from the rest of the world. In celebration of your loved one on Valentine’s Day, try watching their favorite romantic movie. Or if your loved one enjoyed laughing, you can find, stream, or rent their favorite romantic comedy. Sometimes laughing is the best way to overcome difficult moments of grief and pain.

Whichever movie was your loved one’s favorite – and it’s perfectly fine to watch a non-romantic movie on Valentine’s Day – you can recall their love for the film. Perhaps they really enjoyed a part of the dialogue or found joy in the soundtrack. Whatever their reason, you’ll feel connected through memory.

5. Take Some Time For Yourself

Girl on mountain peak with green grass looking at beautiful mountain valley in fog at sunset in summer.

Sometimes, the best way to honor your loved one’s life is by taking care of your own. When you’re struggling with grief, self-care is an important part of the healing process, so take time to do something that brings you joy this Valentine’s Day.

If you enjoy being outside, go on a bike ride, hike, or run. If you prefer to be pampered, book an appointment at your favorite spa for a message, manicure, or pedicure. Maybe it’s time to treat yourself with a special gift you’ve been eyeing. Or perhaps you’ve got anger, anxiety, or negative feelings around your grief. Visiting a Rage Room may be just what you need, because sometimes, it does help to just break something. Whatever will bring you happiness and peace, do it.

While this idea is focused on things you can do on your own, feel free to bring your family along. They may benefit from these activities. However, you are well within your right to have some alone time as you grieve. It’s all about listening to yourself and taking care of your needs.

6. Spend Time with Each Other

Happy family with two daughters playing at home. Family sitting on floor and playing together.

No matter what you decide to do with your family on Valentine’s Day, remember that being together is the most important thing. Being involved and supportive of each other can lighten the burden of grief and make holidays a little more enjoyable. Grief is a daily struggle and finding healing past the pain becomes easier when you’re around those you love. Try to avoid isolating yourself while grieving, because your family needs you as much as you need them on the path to healing.

family watching a Christmas movie together with lights

What Christmas Movies Teach Us About Grief

By Christmas, Grief/Loss, Seasonal

The holidays are always a hectic time, but when you’re grieving, they can be even more difficult because you feel your loved one’s absence more strongly. While you may not feel up to participating in your normal holiday traditions, it’s important to find ways to balance your feelings of grief with the joy of the season.

One way to balance joy and grief is by taking time to understand what you’re feeling and why. Learning how grief affects you personally and discovering positive coping mechanisms will help you begin to incorporate your loss into your life story. You may not realize it, but classic Christmas movies can teach us valuable lessons about grief and how it can affect you and those you love. Let’s talk about three of those movies!

bridge covered in snow with soft daylight

It’s a Wonderful Life

In the classic Christmas movie It’s a Wonderful Life, we get a glimpse into the life of George Bailey and see what the world would have looked like if he hadn’t been born. Through the story, we see how many people he influenced and how many lives he changed. As Clarence points out to him, “Each man’s life touches so many other lives. And when he isn’t around, he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?”

The importance of remembrance

If someone you love has died, you are probably very aware of the hole they left behind. Sometimes their absence might seem almost tangible. That’s one of the reasons why grief is so powerful – the person you lost was an integral part of your life, and your brain doesn’t know how to process the loss. That person impacted your life, and for that reason alone, their life is worth remembering.

While George Bailey’s life may have seemed insignificant to him, he had a positive impact on the world, and he eventually realizes his story is important. In the same way, each person’s story is important and worth remembering. One way to honor a loved one’s memory is by participating in different remembrance activities, like attending a remembrance service or creating a memory capsule.

Community and support

The movie also shows how important community and support are during difficult times. You might feel grief more strongly during the holidays, and you may feel lonely when you think of your loved one’s absence. That’s why it’s important to rely on the community around you. George Bailey tries to persevere on his own, carrying all the burdens of life on his own shoulders, and it breaks him down. At the end of the movie, though, George’s family and friends gather around him, supporting him and standing by him through thick and thin.

Just as George’s community supported him through his struggles, your community can help you through your struggles. Grief can be difficult, and you need people around you to help you along the journey. If you don’t feel like you have anyone you can rely on, you can look for a grief support group in your area. No matter what, having support in your grief journey will make the path easier to travel.

carving a christmas turkey with family

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

It’s hard to believe that the animated classic How the Grinch Stole Christmas first released in 1966! Generations of children have watched the Grinch’s plot to steal Christmas and his later redemption as he learns about the true reason for Christmas. Surprisingly, this movie has a lot to teach about grieving during the holidays.

Reach out to the grieving

While a grieving person’s heart isn’t “two sizes too small,” their heart is likely hurting at the holidays. Sometimes that pain makes someone who is grieving withdraw from those around them or act differently, just like the Grinch. When someone is hurting, they often erect walls between themselves and others.

If you know someone who is grieving, take the time to reach out to them during the holidays. By showing them kindness, you can help their heart heal. If the grieving person resists your efforts, that’s okay. Continue to be kind; they will still appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Open up to your loved ones

If you personally are grieving this holiday season, it’s important to know that spending time with family or friends can help you begin to heal. As we see when the Grinch realizes the true meaning of the holiday and joins the Whos for their Christmas dinner, ritual, tradition, and fellowship can help soothe your aching heart. Participating in traditions and rituals help people grieve together and can help you find meaning in the loss you’ve experienced.

If your relationship with your loved ones has been strained, it may be hard at first to reach out to them. However, asking for help and realizing your limits are important steps in your grief journey. While it may be tempting to stay in your comfort zone, opening yourself up to relationships and sharing with others how you feel is an important part of the grieving journey.

Christmas photos and memories

A Christmas Carol

When you’ve lost a loved one, it can be difficult to feel joyful during the holidays. Maybe, like Ebenezer Scrooge, you’ve found yourself avoiding personal connections with others, withdrawing into yourself and refusing to open up. In a way, the classic Christmas movie A Christmas Carol is a tale of a man who has been hurt in the past and has erected walls to protect himself.

Reflect on Christmas past, present, and future

As both the book and its many movie adaptations show, isolation only leads to loneliness. Scrooge resists the kindness and Christmas spirit of his nephew Fred and his employee Bob Cratchitt. That attitude leads to him eating alone in his house, all his scrimping and saving leaving him alone and miserable in a dark, gloomy room. It’s only when he’s visited by the ghost of Jacob Marley and the different spirits of Christmas that he finally learns what life is all about and opens up to his friends and family.

While Scrooge is terrified by the spirits who remind him of the true nature of life and Christmas, you don’t have to go through that. Instead, take stock of how you feel and reflect on the best ways to help yourself grieve this holiday season. If you’ve lost sight of the joy of the season, these moments of reflection can help you rediscover the meaning and purpose of the holidays.

Christmas Past

Try thinking about your own “Christmas Past.” If you have pleasant memories of Christmases past, examine why they are so memorable to you. What made those times special? Was it the presents, or was it the time spent with family or friends? By contemplating those Christmas memories, you can learn what you value most and remember why you celebrate the holidays. As you rediscover what makes the holidays meaningful, you can find a way to embrace both joy and grief.

Christmas Future

However, not everyone has positive Christmas memories. If your holiday memories are more painful, you might find it helpful to ponder “Christmas Future.” What do you want for your holidays in the future? Isolation will lead to more lonely Christmases, so consider ways you can reach out to family, friends, or support groups in your area.

Christmas Present

Even more importantly, think about now – “Christmas Present.” There are things you can do this Christmas – or any day – to make progress on your grief journey. That could mean creating fellowship with people around you, taking time to pursue something you’re passionate about, or serving others in your community. By opening yourself up and finding ways to engage with your grief, you can continue to heal in a healthy way. While you may not be dancing around town like Scrooge, you can still find joy while you’re grieving.

Perhaps the lessons in these three classic tales resonated with you and gave you a new perspective on your grief this Christmas season. Throughout the holidays, keep in mind that grief takes time. It’s okay if you aren’t feeling 100 percent or if you need to bow out of a few engagements. You’ll need to give yourself grace while you’re grieving. But remember – you need joy to balance out your grief as you learn how to live life again and find your new normal.

mother holding son looking at Christmas lights

Holiday Remembrance Activities for Grieving Parents

By Christmas, Grief/Loss, Seasonal

If you have lost a child, you are probably very aware of the pain the holidays can bring. It might seem impossible to connect with the joy of the season when all you feel is grief. Whether your child died recently or many years ago, the holidays can make your grief feel fresh, and you may feel overwhelmed by everything that needs to be done. But amid the hustle and bustle, taking time to honor and remember your child’s life by participating in remembrance activities can help you through the ups and downs of the season.

While cutting back on holiday stress will be beneficial, finding ways to honor your child’s memory can help you heal. Participating in healing actions can encourage you to express your feelings and acknowledge your emotions as a natural part of grieving. Even more importantly, remembrance activities can help you reconcile with the loss and continue your grief journey.

While you can do whatever makes the most sense for you, here are 6 remembrance ideas to get you started:

Christmas stockings hanging from a mantle

Put up a stocking

Putting up a stocking with your child’s name on it can be a great way to honor their memory during the holidays. In addition to using the stocking as a visual reminder, you can also put different items in the stocking. For example, you and your family members could write letters to your child and place them in the stocking. You could also put toys in the stocking that you can later donate to charity, honoring your child by caring for other children.

mother holding son looking at Christmas lights

Share happy memories

When a child dies, it’s easy to focus on the time you’ve lost with them. While sadness is a vital part of the grieving process, sharing happy memories with your family members can help you treasure the time you had with your child. In return, your family members may also share their memories, giving you the chance to learn new stories about your child. When you share stories and memories, your appreciation for the times you had with your child will grow.

woman making a Christmas wreath

Make holiday decorations

If you like DIY crafts, making holiday decorations can be a way to remember your child each year. You could make an ornament with their name or photo on it or decorate with your child’s favorite color. Maybe you could create a personalized wreath, incorporating your child’s favorite flowers or holiday-related items. Throughout the creative process, you (and anyone else you invite to join you) can engage with your grief in an uplifting and healthy way. After you’ve finished, you’ll have something tangible to bring out every year to honor your child’s memory and make them part of your holiday season.

cozy chair next to table with coffee and Christmas decorations

Create a grief corner

When someone you love has died, you or your family members may need time alone. One way to encourage that is by creating a grief corner in your house. A grief corner is a specific spot where any family member can go to sit by themselves to grieve. This could be something simple, like a chair with a cozy blanket, or you could set up a photo of your lost child with some of their favorite toys. If you have other children, a grief corner could help them learn to recognize their feelings and take time alone when they need to.

toys and socks in a cardboard donation box

Give to a charity in their name

Giving time, money, or items to a charity in your child’s name can be a great way to honor their memory. Maybe your child had a specific cause they were concerned with, and you can support that cause. If your child died from a specific disease, you could also donate to support research about that disease to help families like yours. Or, if you lost your child during pregnancy or shortly after birth, you could create a gift basket to donate to a family in the NICU.

You could also consider things your child was passionate about. What was their favorite sport or activity? You could volunteer to teach other children about that activity. Did they have a favorite animal? You could sponsor a wildlife rescue or spend time volunteering at your local shelter. Whatever you choose, giving to something your child cared about will help you honor them in a meaningful way.

person icing snowflake and gingerbread man cookies

Create a new tradition

After a child dies, old traditions may be painful or feel difficult to enjoy. While participating in old traditions might bring up happy memories of your child, you could also start a new tradition in their honor. This could be anything from trying a new holiday recipe to volunteering at a local soup kitchen. If you have other children, creating a new tradition can be a way for them to remember their sibling. These traditions can become lasting remembrance activities you can engage in for years to come.

woman baking with two children

Remember – Include Your Living Children

As a parent, there will be times when you want to grieve on your own and work through your emotions in a private space. That’s perfectly normal and healthy. However, in your own grief, don’t forget that any other children in the home are also grieving.

Children and teenagers may have trouble processing their grief, so you may need to help them along their journey. Look for ways to discuss what they may be feeling. Invite them to participate in some of these remembrance activities with you. Let them see you cry and share memories, so they know it’s safe to do the same. Throughout the process, you will grow closer as a family and find a way to move forward.

It goes without saying that your holiday will look different after losing a child, but engaging in remembrance activities can be a beautiful way to grieve and mourn.

No matter what, don’t forget to take time to grieve and be gentle with yourself. You don’t have to put on a happy face just because it’s Christmas. You are a human being with complex emotions. You’re going to have good moments and bad moments – that’s okay. When good moments come, embrace them. When grief comes, engage with it. By doing so, you can balance the grief you feel with the joy of the season.

Shows family and grandmother at a Halloween family gathering

7 Tips for Supporting a Grieving Friend at Halloween

By Exclude from Top Posts, Seasonal

It’s Halloween. Costumes are coming out, parties are being planned, and thousands of pounds of candy is flying off the shelves across the nation. But even as people revel in the changing of the seasons and the fun of dressing up, we can’t forget that many of our neighbors, friends, and family members are hurting deeply. Grief is not relegated to certain parts of the year. But how can we be sensitive to the emotional needs of those around us who are hurting during this festive time?

While there’s no need to put your own Halloween plans on hold, let’s discuss 7 tips that will help you be sensitive to and interact with grieving friends and loved ones this Halloween.

1. Recognize and accept that others may be hurting, and they are going to experience grief during the Halloween season.

While you may want your grieving friend or loved one to “enjoy” the season, don’t push too hard. What you consider enjoyment and what your grieving friend considers enjoyment may look completely different right now. They are experiencing a myriad of emotions, and much of the time, they don’t have control over when those emotions show up. Let your friend experience their feelings and concentrate on being a safe person they can talk to.

2. Encourage your grieving loved one to set healthy boundaries and be prepared to support and abide by those boundaries.

The person who is grieving may have limited energy (grief is hard work), so it’s important that they figure out what will work for them this Halloween. If you are close to someone who is grieving, encourage them to set boundaries, and then, be prepared to support those boundaries, abide by them, and if necessary, help your grieving loved one fight for them.

Shows family and grandmother at a Halloween family gathering

3. Give your grieving loved one plenty of notice about any Halloween events or gatherings.

More often than not, someone who is grieving needs time to work up the energy to go out to an event or gathering. Make sure you give them plenty of notice so they can mentally and emotionally prepare. Also remember! You are encouraging them to put down healthy boundaries. Don’t be offended or hurt if they decide not to come to your party.

4. Be mindful of your Halloween decorations.

By nature, Halloween decorations include skulls, gravestones, blood, depictions of death, and other macabre things. These types of images may act as unpleasant reminders of a recent loss for those who are grieving. While you don’t have to completely re-decorate, consider whether any specific decorations could act as a grief trigger, and if appropriate, remove these items when the grieving person comes over for a visit.

Shows young woman serving at a soup kitchen

5. Invite your grieving friend to take part in a service project.

When we grieve, we can sometimes become so focused on the strong emotions we are feeling that we forget to come up for air. It’s a good practice to focus on others so that we can let our minds rest from the grief for a while. To make Halloween a more pleasant experience, invite your grieving loved one to give out candy at the community trunk or treat or the church fall festival. Alternatively, you could participate in a Halloween 5K for a cause or in another opportunity available through the church or community.

6. Look for ways to honor the memory of a lost loved one.

There are so many special things you can do to honor a lost loved one at Halloween. Buy or make a special gift. Dress up as a lost loved one’s favorite character. Sit down with your grieving friend and share memories or stories. Join your grieving friend for a special trip to the gravesite. Watch that annual scary movie in honor of the person no longer present. Your friend may be perfectly fine with Halloween. Even if they are, most people appreciate it when efforts are made to honor a lost loved one’s memory.

Man making a phone call to check on a friend

7. Follow up after Halloween to see how they are doing.

As human beings, we aren’t always the best at following through on things, but in this case, try to put extra effort in. It’s important for a grieving person to know that your love and concern aren’t just temporary. By following up after the holiday (especially if you know it was difficult for them), you cement your sincerity and care.

And of course, make sure to reach out and offer your support all through the year. Grief isn’t a walk in the park; it’s a journey. Your grieving friend or loved one is going to continue to need love and support long after the loss.

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