One of the hardest experiences of one’s life is losing a loved one. Families can experience devastation, confusion, guilt, and regret after a loved one passes. The road to healing can be difficult to navigate if essential needs and feelings are not tended to appropriately.
If you’ve attended a funeral or memorial service, you’ve likely seen a cascade of beautiful sympathy flowers gracing the front of the chapel, church, or venue. Whether burial or cremation is chosen, flowers are arranged in a vibrant display of care, love, and support. But why do we give sympathy flowers? How long has humankind been taking part in this practice? Let’s take a deeper look.
Every culture on the planet, going back as far as we can, records some form of funeral ritual. From the Ancient Greeks and Egyptians to the Neanderthals, every people group has found some way to honor their dead. With sympathy flowers, two archeological finds have given us insight into how flowers were used in millennia past.
In 2013, a five-chambered grotto, now called Raqefet Cave, was found on the slopes of Mount Carmel in modern-day Israel. Dated to 14,000 years ago, researchers unearthed the final resting place of four individuals. Upon further study, the team discovered that the four had been buried on a literal bed of flowers. The flowers were pressed into a thin layer of mud coating the limestone floor, and they included Judean sage and members of the mint and figwort families. But there is evidence that goes back even further!
First discovered in the 1950s, Shanidar Cave housed the remains of 10 people (identified as Neanderthals), who were found near clusters of flower pollen. At the time, the concept that flowers were left on the grave was dismissed. Researchers decided the pollen’s presence must be from modern contamination or from burrowing rodents and insects.
HOWEVER, in late 2019, excavators unearthed a new skeleton in the same area, dating to 70,000 years ago. This one was discovered in sediment that contained ancient pollen and other mineralized plant remains. As a result, the idea of flower burials so early in humankind’s history was revived! While testing is still underway, the research team expects confirmation of early flower burial practices.
Before embalming became common practice, flowers were used to cover up unpleasant smells. Mourners wanted to pay their respects, but without a way to slow decay, flowers were used to mask any odors. Former President Andrew Jackson provides a famous example. By the time his funeral was complete (thousands of people came), his casket didn’t smell good. The undertaker surrounded Jackson with flowers to alleviate the smell. Also, side note, someone (likely the undertaker) removed Jackson’s swearing pet parrot from the service for disturbing the proceedings – who knew?!
Today, sympathy flowers show love to the deceased person and support to the grieving family. Just as we give flowers at anniversaries, weddings, graduations, and other special days, flowers universally represent our love, our care, and our deep-seated support.
For some of us, a funeral or memorial service would look incomplete without flowers. The casket or urn might look quite alone with no flowers or embellishments. For many funerals, sympathy flowers create a lovely canvas and show that people deeply care about the person who has died. When there are no flowers, people may unconsciously wonder why – sympathy flowers are that ingrained in our cultural understanding of funerals.
(NOTE: In some religions, flowers are taboo or not expected. If you aren’t sure whether flowers are appropriate, respectfully ask the family.)
Traditionally, flowers have meaning and convey a message. By choosing specific flowers, you can send a special letter of love. For example, white lilies symbolize purity, sympathy, and restored innocence. Carnations are a popular choice. White carnations symbolize pure love and innocence; red carnations represent admiration and deep love; while pink carnations stand for eternal remembrance. To learn more about the meanings of flowers, go to 7 Popular Sympathy Flowers and Their Meanings.
If you choose to give sympathy flowers, you will likely not buy the casket spray (the arrangement that lies on top of the casket). The most common types of arrangements to gift are:
Arrangements come in all sizes, colors, and costs. Either the funeral home or your local florist can give you insight into your options. In fact, some funeral homes partner with local florists, allowing you to order an arrangement through the funeral home’s website. You can speak to the funeral home about this service or reach out to your go-to florist.
If the deceased’s family has selected a charity in lieu of flowers, it’s your choice what you would like to do. Giving a sympathy gift is up to the discretion of the gift giver. If you prefer to give flowers rather than a donation, do so. If you would like to support the charitable organization, do so. Or, if you’d like to do both, that’s fine, too. Ultimately, the goal of a sympathy gift is to convey love, care, and support. We all do that in different ways – find the one that best communicates your personal feelings.
For more ideas on sympathy gifts, check out these resources:
10 Caring and Creative Sympathy Gifts
7 Popular Sympathy Flowers and Their Meanings
After the death of a loved one, you may not feel like applying for Social Security survivor benefits right away because everything feels overwhelming. However, if you do put it off, please know that some benefits aren’t retroactive. That means you will lose them if you don’t apply quickly. But before you can apply, you have to know what to do. Let’s take a few minutes to discuss what you need to know, so you can apply for survivor benefits with the Social Security Administration as seamlessly as possible.
For those who have lost a spouse, Social Security pays out a special one-time lump sum payment of $255 to the surviving spouse of an eligible recipient. If there is no surviving spouse, an eligible child can receive this one-time payment.
Any other additional monies due will depend on the earnings of the deceased. The more he or she paid in Social Security, the higher the benefits. However, depending on the surviving spouse’s age and circumstances, they may not receive financial assistance right away.
Social Security survivor benefits can be paid to an eligible:
For guidelines on what constitutes a disability, click here.
To receive survivor benefits, you will need to provide the following information at the time of your claim:
You can call 1-800-772-1213 (TTY: 1-800-325-07780) to report a death or apply for benefits. (Note: you cannot report or apply online.) Representatives are available from 8:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. Monday – Friday. If you’d like to speak to your local Social Security Office, click here to use an Office Locator and find the contact information you need.
Another great resource is the Social Security Administration website: ssa.gov. They have everything clearly lined out, so it’s a go-to spot for all of your questions.
Here are a few links that will help you along the way:
Overview of Social Security Survivor Benefits
Widow, Widower, or Divorced Spouse Benefits
“I became an actor in that important drama with an inflexible resolution to persevere through the last scene, when we might be permitted and acknowledged to enjoy what we had so nobly declared we would possess or lose with our lives – Freedom and Independence!” – Deborah Sampson
As we mark the Fourth of July and the independence brought about after the Revolutionary War, it’s impossible not to remember the historical men and women who played key roles in the creation of our nation. Men like George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, and Thomas Jefferson are easily remembered, but what about the women – the ladies of liberty – who also deserve our remembrance and respect? Today, let’s talk about Deborah Sampson, a woman whose story you may never have heard.
The first of seven children, Deborah was born on December 17, 1760, near Plympton, Massachusetts. Her parents struggled financially, and while she was still a child, her father Jonathan Sampson Jr. died at sea. Her mother could not support all seven children, so they were each sent to live in different homes. Eventually, young Deborah became an indentured servant in the home of Benjamin Thomas, a farmer with a large family. She lived with them until her indenture was complete at age 18.
After her time with the Thomas family was complete, Deborah worked as a teacher in the summer and a weaver in the winter. But then, in 1782, Deborah did something completely unexpected – she disguised herself as a man and enlisted in the Fourth Massachusetts Regiment in the Continental Army. Her alias was Robert Shurtleff, and it was more than 18 months before she was discovered.
While incognito, Deborah was assigned to Captain George Webb’s famous Light Infantry. Some of her missions included scouting neutral territory to assess British build-up, leading 30 infantrymen in an expedition that ended in a skirmish, and raiding a Tory home where 15 men were taken prisoner.
At one point, she took a bullet to the shoulder, but in order to stay undiscovered, she removed the bullet herself rather than seek medical attention. However, in the summer of 1783 (mere weeks before the Treaty of Paris was signed), she fell unconscious with a high fever and her gender was discovered by the attending physician. Interestingly, she was not reprimanded, but was instead given an honorable discharge on October 25, 1783.
After the war ended, Deborah returned to Massachusetts where she married a farmer named Benjamin Gannett in 1784. They had three children together and adopted a fourth. In 1792, she petitioned the Massachusetts State Legislature to receive back pay for her service, and she won.
Then, in 1802, she went on a lecture tour in Massachusetts, New York, and Rhode Island, where she talked about her experiences in the Continental Army. She was the first American woman to complete a lecture tour, and it was quite the success. Afterward, she petitioned Congress that she be allowed to receive a disability pension due to a shoulder injury she sustained. Though it took time, and she was denied once, Deborah ultimately won the pension. She became the only woman to receive a military pension associated with service in the Revolutionary War.
Not much is known about her later years, but in April 1827, Deborah died in Sharon, Massachusetts. Her headstone in Sharon honors her service and calls her, “The Female Soldier.”
Much of Deborah’s story is unknown, but without a doubt, she was committed to the cause for independence and made history. While she is the most famous, she is not the only woman to have served in the Revolutionary War. Other women include Anna Maria Lane, Elizabeth Gilmore, Anne Bailey, and Margaret Corbin, to name a few. We also honor and remember them for being ladies of liberty.
However, unlike her counterparts, Deborah’s dedication and commitment were recognized and honored by state and federal governments – long before women were allowed to vote or have a voice in political matters. In this, she is unique and showcases the strength and fortitude of Revolutionary Era women.
As you can see, Deborah Sampson lived an exciting and unconventional life in many ways. She was a survivor. An overcomer. A soldier and a patriot. A wife and mother. A public speaker. A woman of resilience and strength. She left a clear legacy, both to her children and to the fledgling nation she helped found.
As we remember Deborah Sampson and the events that made her life both ordinary and extraordinary, take a moment to think about your own life. Are you leaving a legacy that you and your family can be proud of? Have you shared what’s most important with those you care about?
With our legacies, we contribute to the future. What we do matters. While most of us will never be famous or well-known, that’s not the point of a legacy. Instead, think of legacy as your opportunity to take your family and the next generation to a level you can only imagine. Just like Deborah did!
“To be good, and do good, is the whole duty of man comprised in a few words.” – Abigail Adams
As we mark the Fourth of July and the independence brought about after the Revolutionary War, it’s impossible not to remember the historical men and women who played key roles in the creation of our nation. Men like George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, and Thomas Jefferson are easily remembered, but what about the women – the ladies of liberty – who also deserve our remembrance and respect? Today, let’s talk about Abigail Adams and the indelible mark she left upon our nation.
(Portraits of Abigail and John Adams later in life)
Born in Weymouth, Massachusetts, on November 11, 1744, Abigail was the second child of Reverend William and Elizabeth Quincy Smith. Like many women of her time, Abigail was educated at home, and she showed a great voracity for learning and reading. Even beyond lessons from her tutor, she took it upon herself to read the books in her father’s library and became one of the most well-read women in the 18th century.
Through a mutual friend, Abigail met John Adams in 1759, and soon, they began a courtship. Even with a nine-year age difference, the two were a match in both heart and mind. They married in 1764 and had their first child within a year. Throughout the early years of their marriage, the Adamses focused on John’s career as a lawyer, caring for the family farm, and raising four children.
In 1770, John’s name rose to greater prominence when he elected to defend the nine British soldiers on trial for the Boston Massacre. With greater and greater responsibilities before him, John was away from home more and more. This led to a series of famous letters between he and Abigail. In fact, over the course of their marriage, the two exchanged more than 1,100 letters! And in each one, John sought his wife’s guidance, wisdom, and opinions, which she freely gave.
When you compare John’s political stance with the opinions expressed by his wife in their extensive letters, it’s clear to see that he greatly valued her mind and her thoughts. In many ways, it was their partnership that helped form a new nation.
John Adams would go on to serve as a Continental Congress representative, a U.S. Minister, Vice President, and President of the United States. Through each season of life, Abigail stood staunchly by his side. When she stayed at their home in Massachusetts, she educated the children and kept the farm prosperous. Additionally, when possible, she shared information about military confrontations around Boston. She and her son, John Quincy, witnessed the Battle of Bunker Hill from a hill near their farm.
After the conclusion of the war, Abigail joined her husband in France and Great Britain where he served as a U.S. Minister. Upon their return to the United States, John was elected Vice President under George Washington (1789-1797) and then President (1797-1801). After one term, John lost the presidency to Thomas Jefferson. He and Abigail retired to their home in Massachusetts. After 54 years and four children together, Abigail died of typhoid fever on October 28, 1818. At her death, her husband stated, “I wish I could lay down beside her and die, too.”
With her quick wit, strong opinions, and fierce love of freedom and independence, Abigail Adams is considered the strongest female voice in the American Revolution. We will never know what would have happened had she not expressed her opinions and partnered – shoulder to shoulder – with her husband, and we don’t want to know.
Through her extensive letters with husband John Adams, we have a clear view of what life looked like for Revolutionary Era women. Abigail is most known for her strong and firm opinions on the:
Additionally, she was also a pivotal presence in her son John Quincy Adams’ political career. Though she did not live to see him elected the 6th president of the United States, her influence and wisdom played a large role in his success.
Though she herself refused to publish her personal correspondence, her grandson Charles Francis Adams arranged for their release. By doing so, he forever preserved her unique experience and perspective on American life and democracy.
As you can see, Abigail Adams led a noteworthy life, though she may not have said so herself. She was a wise and loving wife. A devoted mother. A staunch feminist. A bold abolitionist. A tireless letter writer and communicator. A woman with deep thoughts and strong ideals. She left a clear legacy, both to her children and to the fledgling nation she helped found.
As we remember Abigail Adams and the events that made her life both ordinary and extraordinary, take a moment to think about your own life. Are you leaving a legacy that you and your family can be proud of? Have you shared what’s most important with those you care about?
With our legacies, we contribute to the future. What we do matters. While most of us will never be famous or well-known, that’s not the point of a legacy. Instead, think of legacy as your opportunity to take your family and the next generation to a level you can only imagine. Just like Abigail did!
Attending a loved one’s funeral can be emotionally challenging, and you may feel grief, pain, and confusion at the ceremony. That’s where having a problem-free funeral for your loved one can help make things easier. But sometimes, certain situations can cause problems for you and those grieving.
Most funerals go off without a hitch because funeral professionals work tirelessly behind the scenes to make sure everything runs smoothly. While most funerals experience few problems, sometimes issues come up that can’t be controlled.
If a problem does occur, there are many ways to overcome and diffuse the incident. Here are 6 rare but possible problems that could happen at your loved one’s funeral and how to make the best of the situation.
Not all guests understand proper funeral etiquette. A few guests may let unsilenced cell phones, noisy children, persistent sneezing, or other distractions occur. These distractions can make it difficult to focus on honoring your loved one.
You can ask the funeral director to speak with the disruptor if this occurs. The funeral director can calmly and quickly resolve the situation without escalating things or involving other guests. You can also suggest that the funeral home post a sign outside the chapel outlining how guests should conduct themselves.
In times of pain and sorrow, some guests might abandon their better judgment. For example, some guests may think it appropriate to share embarrassing family history, stories, or opinions that don’t honor the life of the deceased or offer healing to those grieving, no matter how many times they’re asked not to make such comments.
Suppose the guest insists on continuing with their comments. In that case, the best choice you can make is to avoid engaging with this individual. Remove yourself from the conversation until the unnecessary comments have stopped.
Once the guest realizes their inappropriate comments are falling on deaf ears, they’ll likely cease sharing their thoughts.
The chances that an argument or a fight will occur at your loved one’s funeral are unlikely. Still, fights have occurred at funerals, so it’s best to be prepared. Most fights begin as passionate arguments. If an argument breaks out, assist other guests in separating the feuding parties, as this will encourage cooler heads to prevail.
If a fight begins, the most important thing you can do is to stay out of the fighting. Do not engage or try to break up the fight. Instead, find a funeral home staff member and let them handle the situation.
In extreme cases, the police may need to intervene. You can call law enforcement in an attempt to bring the ordeal to an end.
While a dropped casket may seem lesser than fighting guests, it can still be startling and upsetting for those attending the funeral. A dropped casket by a pallbearer could happen for various reasons, but one outcome is certain – the pallbearer will feel terrible about what’s happened.
Show the pallbearer kindness by offering words of encouragement and reassurance. Let the pallbearer know that they meant so much to the deceased and helped honor the life and legacy of the loved one. Hopefully, the pallbearer’s shame and embarrassment will ease, thanks to you.
Arriving on time is a simple way to show respect, especially at a funeral. However, some guests may arrive after the ceremony has started. To ensure late guests do not become disruptive, have the funeral home place a sign outside the chapel asking late guests to enter quietly and sit in the back.
And while even more unlikely, there are stories of the pastor, preacher, officiant, or chaplain arriving late or not coming at all. Of course, the minister should arrive early, but you have options if that doesn’t happen.
You can suggest that a family member or a close friend step in. They can read the obituary and say a few words about the loved one’s legacy. Then you can invite other friends and family members to share their most precious memories and stories.
Growing up as a kid, you may have never dreamed of taking a photo of the deceased at a funeral. However, things are different nowadays, as most adults and children have a camera in their pockets.
Whether you agree or disagree with the #CorpseSelfie movement, it’s important to remember that funerals are necessary to help guests process their grief and honor and respect loved ones. Unfortunately, funeral selfies often focus attention on the guest rather than the deceased.
If you see someone taking a picture of or with the body, gently ask them to stop, as many of the guests may see their actions as disrespectful. You can ask the funeral home staff to get involved if your request is ignored.
Your loved one’s funeral will be emotionally challenging. Still, it will allow you and others to remember their legacy and say goodbye. The funeral will likely have no problems and will be a source of healing for years to come. Life does happen, however, and people aren’t perfect. So, if a problem does arise, use these suggestions to make the best of the situation. That way, the problem is a minor mishap you and your family can smile about later.
Father’s Day, like other holidays, can be a trying time for those grieving – especially for fathers who have lost a child. While losing a loved one is never easy, losing a child is one of the most painful challenges we can face in life. The pain of loss can consume all we do, making it feel impossible to find joy. That pain can also rob us of celebrating life’s happiest moments, like Father’s Day, as celebrations become just another reminder of what we have lost.
Whether this is your first Father’s Day following the loss of a child or if it’s been years since their passing, your grief may be overpowering your joy. You may be dreading the thought of celebrating Father’s Day. You may even wonder if you are allowed to celebrate Father’s Day if your loss was of your only child.
No matter how much pain you’re feeling, remember that you and your family are allowed to enjoy special days while grieving. The key is finding a balance between joy and grief.
So, this Father’s Day, lead your loved ones in celebrating the paternal figures in your life and the memory of your child. Remember the positive impact your child had on you, your spouse/partner, and your other children. Here are a few ideas to help get you started.
Your child’s memory will be with you forever, but it can be hard to remember the good times when grief consumes all you do. Use Father’s Day as an opportunity to honor your child’s memory by taking part in their favorite activity. You can watch their favorite movie, eat their favorite meal, play their favorite game, or do something else they enjoyed. This intentional activity can help you feel closer to your child and make Father’s Day truly special for you and your family.
When we lose a loved one, the pain of loss can sometimes grip our ability to talk about them. That’s why sharing heartfelt stories of your loved one is important. Stories can help you acknowledge the reality of the loss and move you toward healthy grieving. The same is true if you’ve lost a child. Share stories of your child that make you laugh, smile, or even cry. But ultimately, share stories that make you proud to be their dad. Your child touched so many lives, so embrace their impact together as a family.
Sometimes it takes losing a loved one for us to understand the importance of saying ‘I love you.’ Whether you say it every day or typically keep your emotions to yourself, tell your family how much they mean to you this Father’s Day. Let your words speak life and support your family on their grief journey. Father’s Day is the perfect time to express how much your family means to you. You can even write notes or letters to your surviving children, letting them know how much you care.
Spending time with your family on Father’s Day is important, but you may need a few moments for yourself as you grieve the loss of your child. You’ll likely feel a mix of emotions, which is perfectly normal. So, take time to reflect on your loss without distractions. Write your thoughts in a journal. Visit your child’s grave. Speak to a trusted friend or mentor, if you don’t want to be alone. All these options can help you take account of your emotions on what may be a difficult day.
Balancing joy and grief is one of the most difficult things we can do in times of loss. Yet, finding that balance is also one of the most important things we can do to heal. You may believe that it’s wrong for you to celebrate Father’s Day with your family, but finding happiness through your pain is key to healthy grieving. Enjoy the time you have with your family, go out for a nice dinner, and smile as you unwrap your Father’s Day gifts. Though grief never leaves us, it also shouldn’t stay at the forefront of our lives forever.
If you’ve experienced the horrible pain of losing a child, you know that holidays, like Father’s Day, can be difficult. But find peace in knowing that your grief is proof of your intense love for your child, and that love will never fade. Instead of fearing Father’s Day, use that special Sunday in June to remember all the joy your child brought you and your family. And don’t forget, your child will live forever in your memory, so you’ll never have to celebrate Father’s Day without them.
Did you know that you can use your loved one’s favorite music to personalize their funeral? Music plays an important role in a funeral by helping mourners express emotions they may not be able to put into words. Personalized songs and music that was special to your loved one can help create a healing and meaningful funeral for your family and friends. Many people have a deep connection with the music they grew up with, which makes songs from their childhood a great choice for their memorial service. If your loved one grew up in the 1950s or just enjoyed the swinging, melodic sounds of the decade, here are a few songs that you could play at their funeral or celebration of life.
Somewhere beyond the sea
Somewhere waiting for me
My lover stands on golden sands
And watches the ships that go sailin’
While “Beyond the Sea” was first written in the 1940s, the song was popularized by Bobby Darin in 1959. This classic song beautifully captures the longing for a loved one and the hope for a meeting in the future. Plus, if your loved one was part of the Navy or loved sailing and the ocean, including this song at their celebration of life would be a wonderful personal touch.
The way you wear your hat
The way you sip your tea
The memory of all that
No, no, they can’t take that away from me
Originally written in 1937, “They Can’t Take That Away from Me” is even more beautiful when sung by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong in this 1956 version of the song. When we lose a loved one, our relationship with them changes to one of memory. This song perfectly highlights how our loved ones live on in our memories and encourages us to cherish the small moments we shared with our loved ones.
I’ll be loving you always
With a love that’s true alwaysWhen the things you’ve plannedNeed a helping handI will understand always
“Always” was originally written in 1926, but Ella Fitzgerald’s 1958 version of the song showcases both her voice and the lyrics beautifully. A song about commitment, loyalty, and neverending love, “Always” would make a wonderful addition to a funeral or celebration of life for a spouse or significant other.
Since you went away the days grow long
And soon I’ll hear old winter’s song
But I miss you most of all my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall
An elegant song full of passion, “Autumn Leaves (Les Feuilles Mortes)” was recorded by Edith Piaf in 1951. With lyrics in English and French, this song speaks of missing and longing for someone you are separated from. “Autumn Leaves” would make a lovely funeral song for a significant other.
Love me tender
Love me true
All my dreams fulfilled
For my darlin’ I love you
And I always will
Elvis Presley is one of the most well-known singers of all time, and “Love Me Tender” is one of his most iconic songs. The passionate lyrics speak of unending love and gratitude for the impact a loved one made on your life. This song could work well either as part of a service or as background music for a slideshow of photos of your loved one.
Yes, I want you to know
That I need you so
You’re on my mind
Everywhere I go
Recorded by Fats Domino in 1953, “Thinking of You” speaks about the memories that linger when we lose someone we love. When a loved one dies, anything can remind us of them. This song showcases the way we see our lost loved ones all around us, making it a great choice for a funeral or memorial service.
Unforgettable
That’s what you are
Unforgettable
Though near or far
A slow, thoughtful song, “Unforgettable” was recorded by Nat King Cole in 1952. The people we love make an impact on our lives that we cannot forget, and these beautiful lyrics highlight how our loved ones leave their mark on our lives. The perfect song to honor any loved one, “Unforgettable” would be an excellent choice for a memorial service or celebration of life.
I tell my blues they mustn’t show
But soon these tears are bound to flow
‘Cause it’s raining, raining in my heart
Released just after Buddy Holly’s death in 1959, “Raining in My Heart” was originally recorded in October 1958. While the music is more cheerful than some songs on this list, the lyrics speak about the deep sadness we feel when we lose a loved one. A sweet reminder that it’s okay to be sad, “Raining in My Heart” could make a unique addition to a funeral or celebration of life.
Because of you
My life is now worthwhile
And I can smile
Because of you
Originally written in 1940, “Because of You” became Tony Bennett’s first big hit in 1951. The peaceful lyrics highlight the joy, love, and happiness that our loved ones bring to our lives, making this song perfect for honoring someone who positively impacted your life. “Because of You” would work especially well in a celebration of life or a slideshow.
When my feeble life is o’er
Time for me will be no more
Guide me gently, safely o’er
To Thy kingdom’s shore
While the origins of the original hymn are unclear, Patsy Cline’s version of “Just a Closer Walk With Thee” was released in 1959. This traditional song speaks about growing stronger in faith and closer to Jesus daily. For a loved one who was devoted to their faith, “Just a Closer Walk With Thee” could pay homage to their strong faith and dedication to God.
There’ll be no sadness
No sorrow
No trouble, I’ll see
There will be peace in the valley for me
Another traditional Christian song, “Peace in the Valley” was originally written in 1939 under the full title “There’ll Be Peace in the Valley for Me.” While the song has been sung by many singers, including Elvis Presley, this version was recorded by Red Foley in 1951. A song about hope, Heaven, and peace after death, “Peace in the Valley” would be an excellent song to include in a religious funeral or celebration of life.
At some point in your life, you’ve likely heard the phrase that someone “died of a broken heart.” In most cases, people use this expression to refer to someone who fell into depression or deep sadness following the death of a loved one and eventually died without coming to a place of healing. But did you know that broken heart syndrome is a real thing and affects a small number of people every year? Let’s talk about it.
Broken heart syndrome, also called stress cardiomyopathy or takotsubo cardiomyopathy, occurs when there’s a disruption of blood flow to the heart. The heart’s normal rhythm is interrupted, and the heart temporarily enlarges. This disruption is caused by extreme physical or emotional stress. Because the death of a loved one can trigger extreme stress, it’s not uncommon for cases of broken heart syndrome to coincide with a loss.
When you experience a stressful event, your body produces hormones and proteins, like adrenaline, to help you cope. However, in some rare cases, a section of heart muscle may become overwhelmed or stunned by the introduction of so much adrenaline. To compensate, the arteries narrow, causing a temporary decrease in blood flow to the heart. As a result, you may experience chest pain and shortness of breath.
Perhaps the two most common symptoms are chest pain and shortness of breath. Because of that, broken heart syndrome is sometimes confused with a heart attack. However, a heart attack occurs because of clogged arteries while broken heart syndrome happens when the heart can’t contract properly. In other words, a person with no history of heart ailments can still experience broken heart syndrome.
A few more symptoms to watch for are sweating, dizziness, low blood pressure, nausea, fainting, irregular heartbeat, or heart palpitations. After the stressful event begins, a person may experience these symptoms almost immediately or it may be several hours.
The trigger for this ailment is extreme emotional or physical stress, but what causes that stress differs from person to person. While researchers are still actively learning more, here are a few examples of events that have caused broken heart syndrome in others:
While anyone can experience broken heart syndrome, it’s most common in women ages 50+. A recent study found that about 2% of suspected heart attacks were actually broken heart syndrome. However, that percentage is likely a bit higher.
Women make up about 88% of reported cases, and most are post-menopausal. It’s thought that estrogen protects the heart against the harmful effects of hormones, and when the estrogen level declines after menopause, women are more susceptible to sudden stress. Additionally, a 2020 study found that post-menopausal women dealing with anxiety disorders had a higher risk than women without anxiety.
Death from broken heart syndrome is very rare, occurring in only 1% of cases. Most people make a full recovery within a month and have no long-term heart damage. Thankfully, the condition is completely reversible for 99% of cases.
If you are with a friend or family member following the loss of a loved one, pay attention if they complain of chest pain, shortness of breath, or dizziness. If the person already has a heart condition, then it may be a heart attack. However, if there’s no history of heart disease, it could very well be broken heart syndrome. Only the doctor can give you a proper diagnosis and treatment plan.
Q: Can everyday stress cause broken heart syndrome?
A: According to what doctors currently know, the syndrome only occurs suddenly and resolves quickly. If you have chronic chest pains or shortness of breath, talk to your doctor to see what else may be happening with your health.
Q: Are there different types of broken heart syndrome?
A: Yes, there are 4 different types – apical, mid-ventricular, basal, and focal. It all depends on which section of the heart gets stunned, though apical is most common. Apical refers to the lower half of the heart.
Q: Can you prevent broken heart syndrome?
A: To lower your potential risk, you can learn stress management and problem-solving techniques that will help you decrease your overall physical and emotional stress. You could journal, meditate, exercise, take a warm bath, get plenty of sleep, or do something else to relax. These practices are good during any season of life, not just stressful ones.
Hopefully you will never encounter broken heart syndrome, but if you do, you now know what it is and the best way to help a friend or family member through it. Be safe out there!
Planning ahead for your final wishes is simple and only takes about an hour to complete. There are three basic steps to creating a healing and meaningful funeral plan that will help your family cope with your loss on one of the hardest days of their lives.
