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Grief/Loss

Sep 10
Love0
Four children sitting at a table working on fall crafts

10 Fall Remembrance Crafts for Grieving Kids

By Children, Grief/Loss

When grief comes, it touches every member of the family, children included. And in some ways, children may have a harder time because they haven’t yet learned how to identify their emotions accurately. That’s why they need caring adults around to help them grieve and work through their emotions. If there’s a grieving child in your life this fall, consider using these remembrance crafts to help them talk through their feelings.

Letters, watch, and other items you might find in a memory box

1. Memory Box

First, you might consider putting together a memory box. The child can interact with the items regularly and keep the person’s memory alive. You could include clothing, jewelry, photos, or cherished items like a favorite trinket or even a blanket or stuffed animal.

Also, ask the child if there’s anything they’d like to include in the box. They may associate special memories with a certain item that will bring them comfort in the days ahead. And if you’d like to add a creative element, decorate the outside of the box with fall leaves, pumpkins, or other décor that adds a personal touch.

2. Memory Mailbox

With this craft, you create an opportunity for a grieving child to share feelings, ask questions, and write down memories. Get a cardboard box, cereal box, or some other box-type item and decorate the outside. You can use a fall theme (like this turkey box), or you can decorate however you choose.

Once the box is ready, encourage the child to write down questions or their feelings on pieces of paper. It could be as simple as “I miss Gigi” or “Where did Mommy go?” They could also write down their favorite memories or draw pictures. Then, as new pieces of paper are added to the mailbox, choose a time to talk together about these feelings and questions. This practice will give you an opportunity to talk, hear your child’s concerns, and care for their emotions. You could chat every day or once a week – whatever works best for your family.

Four children sitting at a table working on fall crafts

3. Gratitude Pumpkin

While it may be difficult at first, focusing on gratitude after a loss can help you grieve. The practice of gratitude takes your eyes off the pain and helps you see the good in life. To help a child build resilience after loss, help them look for the good with a gratitude pumpkin.

Either cut out a large pumpkin or many small pumpkins. Then, encourage the child to write down things they are grateful for or miss about the person who has died directly on the pumpkin. If you make many small pumpkins, your child could write a single thought on each one. On the other hand, if you opt for a large pumpkin, they can write many different ideas on it. Either option will work well; simply choose the one you prefer. This intentional gratitude activity will help the child process what they’re feeling while also learning coping tips for how to deal with grief in the future.

4. The Grieving Tree

With this meaningful activity, your child can identify the things they have lost when a loved one died and the things that are still growing. On each leaf-laden branch of the grieving tree, you write seven things that are still growing despite the loved one’s passing. For example, “I trust in your love for me.” And on the ground next to the tree, list five things that have been lost, such as “hugging you” or “singing together.”

With this practice, both you and your child can sit in the loss for a time. While it’s hard to simply be still in the pain, it’s necessary for the healing process. By naming what is still growing and what is lost, you can take thoughts or feelings that seem ever-present and put them into words. For a full list of materials you’ll need, click here.

Mother and daughter creating jewelry with beads

5. Bracelet or Necklace

Kids often love to create bracelets or necklaces with multi-colored beads. Take that natural interest and turn it into a remembrance craft.

The first step is to get string (or elastic) and a lot of beads. You could get many different colors, sparkling or matte, standard circular or specific shapes like pumpkins, flowers, or hearts. Also, get beads with letters on them. That way, when the grieving child creates the piece of jewelry, they can include the lost loved one’s name or a special message.

Once it’s complete, let the child wear the jewelry as often as they want. Some children may choose to wear it often, while others may place the bracelet/necklace on a favorite stuffed animal or even put it in a memory box.

6. Pumpkin Stress Ball

Some kids are more prone to stress and anxiety than others, especially following a significant loss. They may feel like their ordered world is turned upside down or afraid that something may happen to the other people in their life.

If you have a stressed child in your home, consider creating a pumpkin stress ball. Get some orange balloons and fill them with rice. Once you tie off the balloon, use a black Sharpie to draw silly Jack O’Lantern faces on it. Then, when the child is feeling stressed or anxious, they can give the balloon a squeeze.

Glue gun with materials you can use to decorate a photo frame

7. Photo Frame

Another craft you can introduce is decorating a photo frame. Buy an unadorned frame, pull out the glue gun, and sit down with the grieving child to create a lovely home for a favorite photo. You could use artificial flowers or leaves, buttons, beads, or whatever you want. Depending on the child’s age, it might be best for the adult to handle the glue gun, but under the child’s creative direction, of course.

Once the frame is complete, add a photo and place the frame in a place where the child can see and interact with it regularly. The creative action of decorating the frame is healing but having the photo nearby will keep the process going.

8. Drawing

Perhaps the simplest craft is to allow kids to draw whatever is on their minds. All you have to do is provide all the appropriate materials: construction paper, white paper, pens, pencils, markers, etc. Then, give the grieving child a prompt, like “Let’s draw a picture of your favorite thing about Grandpa.” After that, the child’s creativity will take over.

You can join the child and make your own picture, talking together and each sharing special memories. Speaking about the person who has died will help the child understand that it’s okay to talk about the person (it’s not taboo), and it will give you an opportunity to share your own memories and grief. Children learn by example, so seeing you talk about your feelings will teach them to talk about theirs.

Person creating a flower arrangement with artificial flowers

9. Flower Bouquet

Another craft to consider is creating a flower bouquet. You can go to the store to purchase artificial flowers and then work with the child to create a unique arrangement. Once the bouquet is complete, go to the graveside together and leave the flowers at your loved one’s final resting place.

Also, you can create a floral arrangement for every season. For fall, you might choose to focus on poinsettias, black-eyed susans, or other flowers that are in shades of yellow, orange, or cream that align with the season. You can even add a few tiny pumpkins or Halloween embellishments. Let the grieving child use their imagination to create something beautiful.

10. Journal

And lastly, for some children, expression through words is powerful. By creating a journal, you can bring together two kinds of creative expression: art and words. Encourage the child to write or draw in it as often they want. And if they need a new journal at some point, you can make another one together.

You can make this craft as simple or complex as you wish. For something simple, pull out two sturdy pieces of paper (construction paper or cardstock possibly) to act as the front and back cover. You could use orange paper for a fall twist! Ask the child to decorate both pages with pens, markers, paints – whatever they want. Then, get a stack of wide-ruled paper to act as the interior pages. Staple is all together, and voila! You have a homemade journal.

Many of these crafts can be used any time of year, but with a few tiny adjustments, you can tailor them to fit the season you’re in. With fall, steer toward yellows and oranges or pumpkins and corn. But no matter when you choose to implement these craft ideas, they can be an outlet that brings hope, healing, and remembrance.

Jun 03
Love0
Woman wearing black clothing holding bouquet of white chrysanthemums

Funeral Flowers Around the World

By Educational, Grief/Loss, Memorial

For millennia, flowers have been a universal representation of love, life, and loss. In many cultures, funeral flowers carry deep-rooted and cherished significance. They create a soothing atmosphere, evoke positive emotions, create connections, and convey messages of love and support. Today, let’s discuss several prominent funeral flowers around the world and why they may be more culturally significant in one area of the world than another.

White lily on black background

White Lilies

In many cultures, the white lily is commonly used for funerals. These trumpet-shaped blooms represent purity, innocence, peace, and the resurrection of the soul. Because of their close association with the soul, white lilies are often seen at religious ceremonies and other commemorative events in Western, Latin American, and Asian cultures. A traditional choice for funerals since ancient times, the lily is fitting for a time of reflection and mourning.

Bouquet of red roses with glimpse of green stems

Roses

Roses are practically synonymous with profound love. In Latin American and Western cultures, any color rose can be offered as a remembrance after a loved one’s death, though red and white are perhaps the most common. However, in some Asian cultures, the color red represents celebration and happiness, and because of that, red roses are inappropriate for a funeral. They use white instead for its connection to purity and reverence.

Marigolds in clay vase against wooden wall

Marigold (Cempoalxochitl)

Perhaps most well-known for its use during Dia de Los Muertos in Mexico, the marigold is considered the “flower of the dead.” Its color and fragrance are thought to guide the souls of the deceased back to the world of the living, where family and friends leave offerings to pay their respects. The bright, cheery color celebrates life instead of focusing on the bitterness of death. Additionally, the marigold is essential to Hindu funerals because it symbolizes the cycle of life and death, guiding the soul to its next incarnation.

Woman wearing black clothing holding bouquet of white chrysanthemums

Chrysanthemum

In many Asian cultures, the lovely chrysanthemum is closely associated with death and funerals. These delicate plants convey grief, lamentation, respect for the deceased, and condolence for the family. White and yellow are considered the most suitable colors. The chrysanthemum may also be used in Western culture funerals, though there’s less emphasis on specific colors. Instead, you can include chrysanthemums of any shade at a loved one’s final tribute.

Jasmine

While flowers are used more sparingly in Middle Eastern funerals, jasmine and white lilies are often considered acceptable choices. Jasmine is associated with death, remembrance, spiritual realms, and the afterlife. Some families may use the strong, sweet fragrance to scent their homes. Other families will leave the flowers at the grave to offer respect to the departed. Middle Eastern cultures often focus more on spiritual connection through prayers, but there is still room for personal expression through floral arrangements.

Hawaiian leis resting in a woven basket

Lei

Hawaii is well-known for its use of the lei for many occasions. One of these occasions is the funeral, where the lei is used to express condolences and respect for the deceased and their family. In Hawaii, the lei represents love, respect, and the circle of life and may be worn by guests, draped over photos or the casket/urn, or set out to decorate the funeral service area. In some cases, the lei may be thrown out into the ocean, symbolizing the release of a loved one’s spirit. Various types of leis can be used, including maile, ti leaf, and orchid leis.

A bunch of vibrant King Protea flowers

King Protea

The national flower of South Africa, the King Protea symbolizes strength, resilience, and the enduring nature of life. The flower’s ability to survive harsh conditions created a cultural connection to overcoming adversity and embracing the future. Because of its deep roots in South African culture, the artichoke-like flower is often used at funerals. It gives mourners a way to express their love and care for a lost loved one in a way that is uniquely suited to South African traditions.

Flowers are used all over the world to convey sympathy, respect, and remembrance. If you are selecting flowers for a culture that is not your own, consider asking which flowers would be appropriate. For example, flowers are not part of the Jewish funeral tradition. Because of that, they wouldn’t be the best choice for paying respects and supporting the grieving family. When in doubt, ask someone who knows, like a family member, friend, or even the funeral director.

If you’d like to learn more about funeral flowers, check out 7 Popular Sympathy Flowers and Their Meanings and Gifting Sympathy Flowers: A Practice that Goes Back Millennia.

May 23
Love0

5 Ways to Support a Grieving Dad on Father’s Day

By Grief/Loss, Helping a Friend in Grief, Seasonal

While every day after the loss of a loved one can be hard, it’s the special days and holidays that present a unique struggle. For dads who have lost a child, Father’s Day can be especially difficult. While men are stereotypically and societally encouraged to bottle their emotions and “be strong,” this attitude really isn’t helpful in life or on the grief journey. In fact, it can be detrimental. So, even if a grieving dad seems okay, grief can surge on a day centered around parent-child relationships, and many dads may struggle with expressing themselves or allowing their grief to be seen.

If you know a dad who has experienced child loss, here are a few ways you can support him on Father’s Day:

1. Encourage him to express himself

Man walking alone outside on a paved walkway with trees and green grass

Sometimes, getting a man to talk about his feelings is difficult. The stiff-upper-lip, “men don’t cry” mentality has so deeply permeated their sense of self that it feels awkward and uncomfortable to share what they are thinking and feeling. Despite that, encourage grieving dads to express what’s on their mind and heart.

If they can’t speak it out loud to another person, maybe they can write it down on paper, visit the child’s final resting place, or take a walk alone and speak aloud to themselves or to God. Getting those emotions – both positive and negative – outside of self is a necessary and helpful part of the grieving process.

2. Invite him out for a break

Three men out to dinner on Father's Day

Some dads may throw themselves back into work and routine as a means of moving forward after the loss of a child. This action not only keeps them busy, but it may also provide a way to avoid facing the grief they feel. While routine is good and financially taking care of your living family members is necessary, it’s not a replacement for doing the work of grief.

If you are close to a grieving dad, encourage him to take a break. He’s probably been running himself ragged, trying to keep his personal, professional, and emotional lives in balance. Invite him out for a round of pool, trivia night, dinner and a movie, or whatever suits his interests. Finding something positive to do on Father’s Day may add a little sunshine to an otherwise difficult day.

(Note: You could invite him out the day before or after Father’s Day if he’d prefer to spend the actual day with his family.)

3. Acknowledge that he’s a dad

Three generations of a family; grandfather, father, uncle, and son; Father's Day

If a dad has lost his only child or the baby died before birth or soon after, he is still a dad! He still loves his child, his fatherly role is still part of his identity, and his child’s memory lives on. Acknowledging that he was a great dad and his child’s life mattered can be a huge encouragement.

When you talk to him, whether in person, over the phone, or through text, don’t avoid mentioning Father’s Day, his child, or his life as a dad. By remembering him and his identity as a father, you can show him that you care and that he and his child are not forgotten.

4. Provide practical support

Two men working on a lawn mower; friend offering practical help

While sympathy flowers and other gifts are nice, sometimes what grieving people really need is practical support. Many dads may feel the need to immediately take on their usual household tasks and even add extra things to the to-do list, which may leave them feeling overwhelmed.

By offering practical help, you can alleviate some of that burden. Every family divvies up chores and responsibilities differently, but here are a few examples. Does the lawn need to be mowed and the bushes trimmed? Offer to do one while he does the other. Does the garage need to be organized or the car’s oil changed? Suggest that you take a couple of these responsibilities off his plate to allow him time to spend with his family or to simply rest. No matter how small it may seem, this practical support can make a big difference.

5. Call, text, or send a card

Man talking on phone to a grieving friend; wife sitting on couch in background

Another way to support your grieving friend is to call him, text him, or send him a thoughtful Father’s Day card. These options are especially helpful if you can’t be with him in person or if he wishes to spend the day alone or only with family. You can share stories or memories of his child, mention the child by name, ask how he’s doing, and let him know that you’re thinking of him. Most importantly, avoid cliches and platitudes that do more harm than good.

If you send a text, consider adding “No need to respond” to your message. Texts come with a lot of pressure for a quick response, and this small addition takes the pressure off and allows him to respond if he’s up to it. He’ll still know you’re thinking of him on what is likely a difficult day.

No matter what you decide to do to support your grieving friend, listen to his needs and respect them. He may accept what you’re offering, and he may not. Don’t take it personally. Even if he just wants to be alone on Father’s Day, knowing you cared enough to check on him will bring comfort and make him feel seen.

May 01
Love0
bouquet of flowers with a Mother's Day card sticking out of the top

How to Support a Grieving Mom on Mother’s Day

By Grief/Loss, Helping a Friend in Grief, Seasonal

After the loss of a loved one, special days and holidays present a unique struggle for the grieving. For mothers who have lost a child, Mother’s Day can be especially difficult. Grief can surge on a day centered around parent-child relationships, and many moms also struggle with feeling unseen or forgotten after the loss of their child.

If you know a mom who has experienced child loss, here are a few ways you can support her on Mother’s Day:

Talk to her ahead of time

husband and wife holding hands and talking to each other

One of the best ways for someone to cope with a potentially triggering holiday is to make a plan beforehand. Some moms may want to ignore the day, while others may want to use it to honor their child’s memory.

If you are a close friend or family member, talk to the grieving mom about her feelings. Ask what she would prefer to do on Mother’s Day and how you can help. Listen to her needs, and if she’s unsure what she wants, come up with a few ideas and get her thoughts on them.

Acknowledge that she’s a mom

women comforting each other

If a mother has lost her only child or lost her baby before birth, she is still a mom! She still loves her child, her role as a mom is still part of her identity, and her child’s memory lives on. Simply acknowledging that she is a mom and that her child’s life mattered can be a huge encouragement.

When you talk to her, whether in person, over the phone, or through text, don’t avoid mentioning Mother’s Day, her child, or her life as a mom. Simply emphasize that she is a mom and always will be and that you’re thinking of her. If you’re unsure what to say, click here to see what grieving moms have said was most encouraging to them.

Don’t avoid talking about her child

Two friends sitting on a couch drinking coffee and talking

Many people avoid talking about a bereaved mother’s child, afraid of bringing their grief to the surface or hurting them. But for many grieving mothers, hearing others talk about their child reminds them of the positive impact their child made and keeps the child’s memory alive.

As you speak with your grieving friend on Mother’s Day, take your cues from her. If the grief is still very fresh, she may not wish to talk about her child. But allow her to talk about her child if she wishes, and don’t feel uncomfortable as she shares. You can also mention her child by name and share a favorite memory, letting her know she’s not the only one who still cares about and remembers her baby.

Provide practical support

person vacuuming a rug

While flowers and other gifts are nice, sometimes what grieving people really need is practical support. Many moms take on household chores like cleaning and cooking, and those extra tasks can leave them feeling overwhelmed when they’re grieving.

By offering practical help, you can take one thing off her mind. You could take care of her least favorite chores, provide meals, pick up groceries, or mow the lawn. If she has other children, offer to watch them so she can spend time taking care of herself. You could also consider asking if there are any big projects she’s been putting off that you can help with. No matter how small it may seem, this practical support can make a big difference.

Spend quality time with her

Three women at a spa holding cucumbers over their eyes

On a day like Mother’s Day, it can be easy for a grieving mom to feel lonely or isolated, but quality time with someone who cares can provide comfort. Invite her out to brunch. Set up a spa day with her and some of her best friends. Go on a hike in her favorite place. Spend time with her doing her favorite things and encourage her to take care of herself.

As you spend time with her, let her know that you’re willing to talk as little or as much as she wants about her loss. Give her space to express her emotions. If she wants to talk about her child, swap stories and memories or listen with compassion and empathy. If she wants a distraction instead, talk about other things. Just remember to put her and her needs first and be respectful of her wishes.

Call, text, or send a card

bouquet of flowers with a Mother's Day card sticking out of the top

Another way to support your grieving friend if you cannot be with her or she wishes to be by herself is to call her, text her, or send her a thoughtful Mother’s Day card. You can share stories or memories of her child, mention them by name, ask how she’s doing, and let her know that you’re thinking of her. Most importantly, avoid cliches and platitudes that do more harm than good.

If you send a text, consider adding “No need to respond” to your message. Texts come with a lot of pressure for a quick response, and this small addition takes the pressure off her and allows her to respond if she’s up to it. She’ll still know you’re thinking of her on what is likely a difficult day.

Above all, listen to the grieving mother’s needs and respect them. Even if she wants to be alone on Mother’s Day, knowing you cared enough to check on her will bring comfort. Let her know you are thinking of her, and continue to support her as she continues her grief journey.

Apr 20
Love0
Two people clasping hands in comfort and grief

Grieving the “Firsts” After a Loss

By AfterCare, Grief/Loss

The first year without a loved one can be very difficult, especially as precious milestones approach. The first Valentine’s Day without them. First birthday. Christmas. The anniversary of their passing. Each of these “firsts” will be difficult in its own way.

Two people clasping hands in comfort and grief

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a noted grief counselor, author, and educator, affirms that our grief journeys are as unique as we are. “In life, everyone grieves. But their grief journeys are never the same. Despite what you may hear, you will do the work of mourning in your own special way. Be careful about comparing your experience with that of other people. Also, do not adopt assumptions about how long your grief should last. Just consider taking a ‘one-day-at-a-time’ approach. Doing so allows you to mourn at your own pace.”

If you are facing the “firsts” after the loss of a loved one, here are a few ideas to help you navigate through the emotional days ahead.

Person sitting at table with calendars and cup of coffee in front

1. Plan ahead if you can.

As a special day or milestone approaches, consider what you will need to get through the day. Plan ahead and decide if you need to take the day off to rest and reflect. You may also wish to do something special or meaningful to honor your loved one’s memory. Or you may want to go to a special place or gather with certain people on that day. A little advance planning can make the day more peaceful and contemplative.

Woman standing at grave and holding yellow flowers

2. Find a way to celebrate and remember your lost loved one.

The hardest part about a day that is special to you is if no one else seems to remember. No matter what the particular day may be, if it’s significant to you and your lost loved one, do something to remember, to celebrate, to commemorate, to honor.

Take flowers to the gravesite, look through old photos and videos, light a candle, or write a letter. At Thanksgiving or Christmas, you can serve their favorite dish and start calling it by their name – Nana’s mashed potatoes or Joe’s green bean casserole. You can also sing your loved one’s favorite Christmas carols or put a remembrance ornament on your tree. All of these are simple ways to express your grief outwardly. The outward expression of grief will help bring peace and healing on a difficult day.

Father and son sitting on dock and fishing together

3. Reinvent the day and bring hope to a day of sadness.

Another option is to reinvent the days that bring you pain. For example, on the anniversary of your loved one’s death, do something that would have delighted them. If they loved to fish, maybe you and your family could spend a day at the lake, taking time to share cherished stories. On your first Valentine’s Day without your loved one, you might treat yourself to a dinner out or eat a meal with others who have lost a significant other.

This same principle can be applied to any special day. Look for ways to reinvent the day and make it something new, something meaningful and healing, something intentional and beautiful. Changing routines and focusing on what brings you joy and peace, even temporarily, can help you get through a difficult day or season.

Young man volunteering at animal shelter

4. Give back to meaningful causes.

As part of their grief journey, some people choose to run a fundraiser via social media supporting a cause that helped their loved one, such as the Alzheimer’s Association, the American Cancer Society, nonprofit hospitals, or other significant causes.

If your loved one adored animals, you may decide to give a donation in their name to a local rescue. Another idea would be to volunteer your time at a non-profit that cares for animals. If they valued children, give back to local or international programs that focus on assisting kids. You may even sign up for a race or a walk that raises funds for a special cause.

Some people become so passionate about a cause after losing a loved one that they establish their own non-profit organizations in memory of the person who died. Whatever you decide to do, giving back is one way you can pay it forward to others and carry on your loved one’s legacy.  Though your loved one is gone, their legacy lives on through you.

Memorial candles lining a table

Healing Traditions Bring Hope and Reconciliation

The possibilities for honoring a loved one on a special day are virtually endless. It all depends on what speaks to you. What makes you feel close to the one you have lost? What were their favorite things? Once you discover what comforts your heart, do it year after year, until it’s either a beloved tradition or you feel that you can stop. As Dr. Wolfelt assures us, each grief journey is different. No two are the same. Do what works for you and brings you peace.

In truth, we never really get over our grief; we become reconciled to it. We find a new way to live because the old way is gone forever.  As Dr. Wolfelt puts it, “You will find that as you achieve reconciliation, the sharp, ever-present pain of grief will give rise to a renewed sense of meaning and purpose. Your feelings of loss will not completely disappear, yet they will soften, and the intense pangs of grief will become less frequent. Hope for a continued life will emerge as you are able to make commitments to the future, realizing that the person you have given love to and received love from will never be forgotten. The unfolding of this journey is not intended to create a return to an ‘old normal’ but the discovery of a ‘new normal.’”

In time, you will find your “new normal.” But for now, grieve. Cry. Remember. And eventually, if you allow it, reconciliation will come. May you find the peace and reconciliation you are seeking.

Nov 19
Love0

8 Christmas Keepsake Crafts to Honor a Loved One’s Memory

By Christmas, Grief/Loss

Person holding homemade heart plush in hands

During the holidays, feelings of grief may feel even closer to the surface. Even if it’s been years since the death occurred, the family togetherness of the holidays can bring out fresh emotions. And that’s okay. It’s completely normal to feel this way and to miss someone who’s no longer here.

To help you turn your grief into healing action, consider creating a keepsake craft that will honor your loved one’s memory and bring a little comfort to your own heart. And when appropriate, don’t be afraid to invite the kids or grandkids into the process!

8 Christmas Keepsake Crafts to Honor a Loved One’s Memory

Some of these crafts are harder than others, so either choose one that fits your craft level or be prepared to learn a new skill. You can do it!

1. Commemorative Candle

Making commemorative candle at home with special scents and added lavender

With commemorative candles, you could purchase a candle in your loved one’s favorite scent or color. To personalize it a bit more, you could write their name on the candle with glitter pens or gemstones. Alternatively, you could get a white candle and create a candle wreath of their favorite flowers or make your own candle with special scents and add-ins. Or, if you just don’t trust your crafting abilities, you could go online to Etsy or a similar site and choose a memorial candle there.

2. Memorial Ornament

Making fabric Christmas ornaments from felt

If you’d rather create a memorial ornament for the tree, there are so many websites out there with instructions on how to create the perfect one – with levels from beginner to advanced. You could get a picture frame ornament and have your loved one’s name engraved on it. If they particularly loved reindeer or elves, you could put together an ornament based on these themes. You could also create a quilted ornament using fabrics with meaningful imagery. The possibilities are vast; all you have to do is select the one that appeals to you personally.

3. Decorative Wreath

Woman decorating wreath at home with ribbon

For those who love beautiful wreaths, creating a memorial wreath may be a good option. You could display it in your home or place it at a loved one’s final resting place. The design is entirely up to you, but you could use seasonal flowers, photos, miniature items to represent your loved one’s favorite things, or even add a few of their preferred Christmas candies. Alternatively, you could create an ornament wreath, using their favorite ornaments to fill in the wreath. There’s no right or wrong when it comes to personalizing the wreath. Here’s a tutorial to get you started.

4. Christmas Stocking

Three red and white Christmas stockings hanging from a mantel

Christmas stockings are a staple in many homes during the holiday season, and they are usually displayed in a prominent place in the home. If you’d like to keep your loved one’s memory near the forefront, you might consider sewing a memorial stocking. You can personalize the design and add their name to it. Then, when it’s placed with the other stockings, you will have a comforting, visual reminder of the person you love. You can even encourage family members to write down memories and slip them into the stocking over the holiday season.

5. Personalized Pillow Cover

Red and white pillow sitting gifts and a Christmas display

Even though they may not seem like it, pillow covers are easier to make than you might think. The biggest question is – what fabric will you use? And do you want it to say anything? You could have your loved one’s picture printed on fabric to use on the pillow. Or you could monogram a quote from their favorite Christmas movie. To make it even more personal, you could use articles of your loved one’s clothing to design the pillow cover. All of these options will create a sweet keepsake you can cherish for Christmases to come.

6. Memory Chain Garland

Person making a garland with Christmas trees and stars

Perhaps the easiest craft option on the list is to create a memory garland to lay on your mantle or wrap around a staircase or doorway. All you need is paper, scissors, tape/stapler, possibly string, and a few people to help. As you put together each piece of the paper chain, write down special memories of your loved one or things about them that you are missing this holiday season. As you talk together and reminisce, you may find that the ache in your heart lessens as you take time to share special moments and remember your loved one’s life.

7. Memory Table Runner

Four Christmas table runners sitting on table with ornaments

Do you enjoy decorating with table runners? Then this keepsake craft may work well for you. The design portion is entirely up to you. Maybe you want to keep the holiday theme but add some fabric photos of your loved one on Christmases past. Or you could add other personalized elements, like a border in their favorite color. Remember to draw out your design first, so you get a visual of what it will look like. And if you’d like to include the family in the final product, leave space for people to write down favorite Christmas memories with fabric pens.

8. Memorial Stuffed Animals

Knit white bear with red scarf and pulling sled with Christmas tree

If there are children or grandchildren in your life, you could sew or knit memorial stuffed animals as a gift. You can include a small tag on the animal with a special message from the person who has died, like “I love you” or “I miss your hugs.” You could also use a lost loved one’s clothing or leftover yarn as the chosen fabric for memorial animals. In this way, there is an added element of personalization to the gift. When the child is really missing your loved one, they can squeeze the animal and find comfort. And as they grow older, it will continue to be a cherished reminder of both you and the person who has died.

If none of these Christmas keepsake craft ideas appeal to you, not to worry! This list is far from comprehensive. Just do a quick search online, and you will find a treasure trove of options to consider. But no matter what craft idea you decide to go with, may creating something to honor your loved one’s memory soothe your heart and comfort your soul this holiday season.

Nov 19
Love0
Lit red candle sitting in window in remembrance of a loved one

12 Days of Christmas Remembrance Activities

By Christmas, Grief/Loss

While traditionally the 12 Days of Christmas start on December 25 and end on January 5 (the day before Epiphany), the timeframe has been culturally adapted over the years to occur earlier in the month or even later into January. So, for the purposes of this Christmas remembrance activities list, whatever 12 days you want to consider your 12 Days of Christmas is up to you.

Bearded grandfather sitting with grandkids, looking at pictures and telling stories

The point of this exercise is to give you an easy list of remembrance activities that you can use to honor and remember a loved one this holiday season. It’s okay to miss them, and it’s good to find a way to keep their memory alive for remaining family and friends. Acts of remembrance bring comfort, healing, and a closeness you may be seeking at Christmas. So, here’s a 12 Days of Christmas Remembrance Activities list you could use with your family this season.

1st Day of Christmas: Put Up a Memory Stocking

Three knit stockings hanging on the mantel with wreath garland

On the first day of Christmas, consider putting up a memory stocking. Either put up the stocking your loved one always used or a special one. Throughout the holiday season, your family can write down memories or thoughts or draw pictures and place them in the stocking. Then, perhaps near the end of your 12 days, you can all sit down together, read the notes, and remember your loved one together.

2nd Day of Christmas: Light a Candle

Lit red candle sitting in window in remembrance of a loved one

For a long time, candles have been a symbol of remembrance. Keeping the light burning throughout the holiday season signifies that the memory of a loved one still shines bright. You could select a special candle and light it each day. Alternatively, especially if you have kids in the house, you could purchase an electric candle that you can leave lit all the time. Either way, each time you see the candle, you’ll be reminded of your loved one and the special place they have in your heart.

3rd Day of Christmas: Bake Your Loved One’s Holiday Favorites

Father baking Christmas cookies with his two young daughters, happy and having fun

Christmas comes with the comfort of so many delicious and familiar smells wafting from the kitchen. To bring your loved one’s memory into the festivities, consider adding their favorite foods and desserts to your menu. Whether it’s the family-famous cinnamon shortbread cookies or the green bean casserole with extra onions, it will feel good to include their favorites in the holiday preparations. And if you cry a little bit, that’s okay. It’s good to find positive ways to balance grief and joy during the holiday season.

4th Day of Christmas: Watch Your Loved One’s Favorite Christmas Movie

Mother sitting on couch, watching a Christmas movie with her young children

Watching Christmas movies is a time-honored tradition for so many families. There’s something oddly comforting about the tradition of bringing out the movie favorites each year. If this is true for your family, consider setting aside an evening to watch your loved one’s preferred Christmas movie. Make an evening of it, complete with popcorn, snacks, and a cozy blanket to snuggle up under. You could even bring out a photo of your loved one, so they can “watch” the movie with you.

5th Day of Christmas: Attend a Remembrance Service

Three white remembrance candles against the backdrop of a church's stained glass window

It’s fairly common for churches and funeral homes to host remembrance events around the holidays. They are very much aware of the need to remember those loved and lost. Because of that, you should be able to find a remembrance event happening in your town or a neighboring one. If you’d like to attend, consider taking the whole family or inviting close friends. There’s something comforting about sharing a loved one’s memory with others. And if there are no remembrance events in your town, invite people over to your home for a remembrance dinner instead!

6th Day of Christmas: Create a Remembrance Ornament

Red, cross-stitched heart ornament

A remembrance ornament is a great way to honor a loved one’s life. You can pull it out each year as a continual reminder of the love shared between you. If you like to keep it simple, choose an ornament at the store that reminds you of that special person. Alternatively, you could use papier-mâché, wood, fabric, or other materials to create your own. You could also use buttons, glitter, beads, sand, seashells, rocks, or seeds to create a unique design. The possibilities are numerous.

7th Day of Christmas: Listen to Your Loved One’s Christmas Playlist

Family dancing to Christmas playlist, enjoying time together

Music is a big part of the holidays. From the classics like “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” to more contemporary options like Kelly Clarkson’s “Underneath the Tree,” there are so many melodies that may bring back memories. To honor your loved one’s memory, put together a short playlist of their favorites and blast it around the house. Not only will the music touch your heart, but it will also help you add meaning to the holidays.

8th Day of Christmas: Volunteer at Your Loved One’s Favorite Charity

Three people volunteering outdoors and planting trees and bushes

At Christmastime, many people focus on giving back to the community and helping others. If your loved one had a favorite charity, you could volunteer on their behalf or give a memorial donation. Alternatively, you could sign up for a 5k benefiting a local organization, spend time at the animal shelter, or deliver meals to homebound seniors. Whatever seems the best way to honor your loved one’s memory, do that and remember them.

9th Day of Christmas: Visit Your Loved One’s Final Resting Place

Person visiting a loved one's final resting place and leaving red roses as a token of their love

Another remembrance activity to consider is visiting your loved one’s grave. You can bring a wreath, a poinsettia, notes, or other meaningful items to leave behind as a token of your love. And if your loved one was not laid to rest in a cemetery, visit the place where their ashes were released or a place that is particularly meaningful to you. It doesn’t really matter where you go, so long as it’s a place where you feel a sense of closeness and kinship to the person who has died.

10th Day of Christmas: Bring Out the Family Photos

Group of family photos at Christmas

As visual beings, we often associate memories with images and items. Sit down and scroll through your social media history or bring out the photobooks. Talk about the stories behind the photos. As you reminisce, you will feel closer to your loved one and can honor different aspects of their personality. Were they the prankster on family trips? Did they always have 15 books when the trip was only 3 days long?  Lean into the details and remember the uniqueness of who they were.

11th Day of Christmas: Wear a Christmas Sweater They Loved

Young woman sitting on couch at home, wearing an ugly Christmas sweater and working on her laptop

Was there a particular Christmas clothing item that your loved one just adored? Maybe it was that ridiculous llama sweater with festive lights or the socks with the cat’s face printed on them, complete with a Santa hat. Whether the clothing item belonged to them or you, consider taking it out of the closet and wearing it in their memory. It could be anything – shirt, pants, socks, earrings, whatever. And if you can’t think of a particular item, buy something you know would tickle their funny bone and think of them when you wear it.

12th Day of Christmas: Write Your Loved One a Letter

Man in sweater sitting at table, writing a letter and softly smiling

For the final healing activity, take a few minutes to look inward. Sit down in a quiet place and write your special person a letter. Let them know that you miss them. Tell them how the holidays have been going, what the kids or grandkids are up to, or what holiday activities you’ve done so far. During the grief journey, expressing your emotions and sharing what’s on your heart is so beneficial to helping you find the balance between grief and joy.

Now, this Christmas remembrance activities list is not set in stone. Feel free to switch around the days or add in your own ideas. This is merely a framework with some suggested activities to get you started. Personalize the 12 Days of Christmas Remembrance Activities to your family’s preferences and needs and create truly sweet moments this holiday season. May you find hope, peace, and joy as you honor and remember your lost loved one and keep their memory alive.

Nov 18
Love0
female friend holding another woman's hand as they talk through their grief

6 Things You Should Never Say to a Grieving Person

By Grief/Loss, Helping a Friend in Grief

Words are powerful. They can hurt or heal, comfort or discourage, build up or tear down. When someone we know is grieving, we want to support them and find words to comfort them. But sometimes, we say well-meaning things that hurt more than they help.

We have a responsibility to guard our words, especially when someone is emotionally vulnerable, like after the death of a loved one. While there are plenty of things you can say that do offer comfort, try to avoid these six phrases when speaking to a friend or loved one who has lost someone close to them (regardless of whether the loss was recent or further in the past).

“I know how you feel.”

woman resting her hands on a man's clasped hands, comforting him

While you may have experienced grief before or even a similar loss, everyone’s grief experience is different. The temptation here is to engage in “troubles talk” to find common ground with the person and, in a way, share the burden of the loss and help them feel less alone. But this comment assumes that you know the complex emotions of the bereaved and that you have felt each one exactly as they do, which can’t be true.

Rather than hearing your desire to show how much you understand, the bereaved person hears: “I don’t want to understand your specific situation” or “I want to talk about myself.” Every person feels, processes, and heals differently, and it would be folly to assume you know how someone is feeling.

Instead, create space for your friend to share what they feel. Simply and sincerely ask, “How are you doing?” If you have experienced a similar loss, you might say, “I know every loss is different in its own way, but something that helped me when I lost my mom was (insert helpful suggestion here).”

“You’re so strong.”

older woman staring thoughtfully while clasping her hands by her face.

After losing a loved one, many people who are grieving feel pressured to appear like they’re doing okay. Life goes on, even after losing a loved one, and those who are grieving feel the need to put on a brave face. While you may intend “You’re so strong” as a compliment, you may contribute to this pressure. You might make the grieving person feel like they can’t be vulnerable because you expect them to keep being strong. They may interpret your statement as a prohibition on showing emotion – or as judgment for not showing emotion.

No matter how “put together” a person looks on the outside, on the inside, they may be experiencing incredible pain. A comment about their strength can take away their option to express any genuine emotions to you or make them feel guilty for not showing emotions.

Instead, consider asking how they’re honestly doing or saying, “It’s okay to cry.” While it may invite a more honest response, and you should be ready with your emotional support, you can be someone they feel safe letting down their guard with.

“Sometimes we just don’t understand the will of God,” or “God must have needed another angel in heaven.”

woman comforting her husband while he rests his face on his hands

These phrases and many similar ones are often used in Christian religious circles with the intent to reassure someone that death isn’t meaningless. But whether by intention or not, these words essentially blame God for the death of a loved one.

While it is true that we may not fully understand the will of God, these platitudes are not helpful because they contradict the Christian belief in a loving God whose original creation did not include death. In the story of Adam and Eve, death only entered the world after the fall of man and was not in God’s original design.

Instead of using these phrases, you can offer to pray with the grieving person. Or consider sharing your sympathies by saying, “I’ve been thinking about you so much,” or “You’ve been in my thoughts and prayers.”

“She’s/he’s in a better place.”

man staring out a window streaked with rain

When someone is grieving the loss of a loved one, they don’t always want them to be in a “better place.” They want them to be here, now, with them. In time, it may be a comfort to think of a loved one in heaven. Or if a loved one was sick for a long time, this phrase could be comforting, a reminder that the person is no longer in pain.

But amid deep sorrow or after an unexpected death, it’s difficult to find comfort or healing in this phrase. These words could come across as dismissive of someone’s grief or make them feel guilty for wishing their loved one was still with them. Instead, simply be there for your grieving friend, and consider asking them questions about the loved one they’ve lost so they can hold their cherished memories close.

“If there’s anything I can do for you, just call me.”

female friend holding another woman's hand as they talk through their grief

While your offer to help may be entirely sincere, note that the grieving person will likely not call you. Asking for help can be difficult for anyone, and it’s even more challenging for those who are grieving. They may not want to be an inconvenience, or they may feel like they would have to fake being okay if you came to help. Or they might assume that you’re just saying that you’ll help because you feel obligated to.

Instead, take the initiative and offer specific ways you can help. Say, “I want to take you to lunch next week. What time should I pick you up?” or “I’ll watch the kids for you tonight so you can take time for self-care.” Organize a meal train or ask them what day you can drop off dinners for the week. Or call them every week or so just to check in. When you are intentional, they will feel your love and support and know you genuinely want to help them.

“It’s been a while since she/he died. Isn’t it time to move on?”

woman and man placing hands on a crying man's shoulders at a grief support group

Grief has no expiration date. While grief may change over time, it doesn’t go away completely. This insensitive statement can invalidate someone’s feelings of grief and make them feel like you don’t care about their emotions and struggles. Instead, allow your loved one the time they need to grieve and put no expectations on them.

If your grieving friend or family member seems to be struggling a lot even after much time has passed, you can lovingly suggest a grief counselor or grief support group, but don’t push them. Don’t try to fix their pain. Loving them through their grief will help them along the path to healing much more smoothly than your impatience.

As you speak with a grieving person, think before you say anything. You can’t always control how your friend interprets what you say. But by thinking carefully and being sensitive to your loved one’s pain, you can show them that you care about them and want to help.

To learn six more things you should never say to a grieving person, click here. Also, if you’d like tips on what you SHOULD say, take a moment to read “What Should I Say to Someone Who is Grieving?“

Nov 03
Love0
Young woman sitting on couch, wiping eyes with tissues, as grief therapist offers comfort

6 Tips for Processing Grief in the Aftermath of Suicide

By Grief/Loss, Loss from Suicide

Losing a loved one to suicide is confusing, devastating, and can possibly lead to years of processing the questions and the pain. In some cases, you may never fully understand what happened or what was going on in your loved one’s mind. But even without all the answers, you can heal and find the strength to move forward. To help yourself or a dear friend navigate the aftermath of suicide, consider following these 6 tips.

Mother and teenage daughter sitting together at home, upset over suicide loss

1. Don’t give guilt or anger a foothold

After losing a loved one to suicide, it’s common to feel a range of emotions, ranging from guilt to depression to anger at the person who has died. You may ask yourself what you could have done to prevent the tragedy and become overwhelmed by guilt. Even as you grapple with these questions, the most important thing to realize is that the death was not your fault.

Studies have found that 46% of people who die by suicide have a known mental health condition, and other risks factors include substance abuse, intoxication, chronic illness, history of abuse, family history of suicide, or a recent tragedy, to name a few. In all likelihood, you were not directly involved in any of these factors.

Realizing these two fundamental truths – that your loved one may have been suffering from a mental illness and that their death was not your fault – can allow you to understand and sympathize with your loved one. Free yourself from guilt and anger. Embrace compassion for yourself and your lost loved one. Consider participating in healing actions, like telling the story of your loved one’s life, finding ways to honor their memory, or cultivating compassion for others who suffer from mental illness.

Young woman sitting on couch, wiping eyes with tissues, as grief therapist offers comfort

2. Find a good therapist

Grief therapy can be helpful for anyone experiencing the pain of loss, but for those who have lost loved ones to suicide, it is particularly beneficial. The traumatic nature of suicide makes loved ones more susceptible to intense psychological distress, and professional help is required in many of these cases.

Counseling helps suicide loss survivors see the situation more clearly, and a trained therapist can help you understand the psychiatric problems your lost loved one faced. The therapist may also be able to help you recognize and stop unhealthy patterns of thinking so you can grieve in a healthy manner.

Father, adult son, and grandson enjoying time together

3. Surround yourself with people you love

You may be tempted to isolate yourself and try to come to grips with suicide loss on your own. But isolation breeds unhappiness, especially after a traumatic event. Instead, make a concentrated effort to stay connected to the people who matter in your life.

If you are a person of faith, visit with people in your spiritual community. Invite friends over or go out to social events. Talk to family members often and look for opportunities to socialize. Those who have lost loved ones to suicide often struggle with depression in the months after the loss, and studies indicate that social interaction is a great way to decrease depression. Friends and family members can keep you anchored in a routine, and their love will provide you with a sense of safety, security, and familiarity.

Suicide loss support group with woman sharing her story

4. Join a support community

In addition to speaking with a therapist and staying in contact with close friends and family, you may also want to consider finding a support community. After a loss, you may feel totally alone. Joining a support group will help you realize that you aren’t alone and will allow you to form new connections that will give you strength and encouragement as you travel down the road to healing.

Groups such as Survivors of Suicide Loss (SOSL) and Alliance of Hope allow you to hear the experiences of others who have lost loved ones to suicide. They also give you the opportunity to share your thoughts (if you wish to). You might find that expressing your feelings in a welcoming and sympathetic environment helps you work through the loss and provides the encouragement you need to continue your journey toward healing.

Man resting on bench with book, taking it easy

5. Be patient with yourself

Next, remember that grief follows no timeline, and there is no rush. You have experienced a loss that is enormously painful. It’s normal to find yourself experiencing periods of deep sadness, even long after the loss. When those grief bursts or triggers come, allow yourself to cry or express frustration when you need to.

The fact is you will never stop missing your loved one. But over the course of time, you can find ways to enjoy life again. As you work toward healing, embrace what you feel and accept that it’s okay to be upset. Strive not to compare your grief feelings to the feelings of others. The grief journey is not linear – everyone is different. By allowing yourself (and others) to feel the emotions of grief without judgment, you can make a great deal of progress on your grief journey.

Two people looking at a photo album and sharing memories and stories

6. Establish your loved one’s legacy

For many people, it’s healing to find ways to remember the positive impact your loved one had on the lives of others. You might attend a prayer vigil or a gathering with loved ones where you all openly share memories and stories. You might give a memorial donation to a charity, start a scholarship, or participate in a 5K in their honor.

If you feel comfortable, you may even start a blog or find another way to write about what your loved one meant to you and those around you. Sharing the story of your loved one’s life can be an important healing step on your grief journey.

Woman in black dress holding white flower bouquet while visiting loved one's grave

While these 6 suggestions aren’t a miracle pill for recovering from suicide loss, each one will greatly benefit you. The journey ahead may not be easy, but working through the emotions of grief and finding healing is well worth the time and hard work. May you find the peace and healing you need and deserve!

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Nov 01
Love0

7 Ways to Decrease Thanksgiving Stress When You’re Grieving

By Exclude from Top Posts, Grief/Loss, Seasonal, Thanksgiving

Grief can be exhausting – mentally, physically, and emotionally. And holidays like Thanksgiving bring their share of stresses, especially during times of grief when it’s a battle to do the normal everyday tasks. So, what can you do this Thanksgiving to decrease your stress while you’re in a season of grief?

Before we move into 7 ways to decrease your stress, remember that whatever you’re feeling is normal. You’ve lost someone you love, and it’s hard. You may feel a wide range of emotions, including sadness, shock, denial, guilt, anger, or even relief. All you need to focus on is taking care of yourself this Thanksgiving so that you have the energy you need to process what you’re feeling and move toward healing.

Three generations of a family eating together at Thanksgiving

7 Ways to Decrease Thanksgiving Stress

Your feelings may tell you to skip Thanksgiving altogether, but before you make any big decisions, take some time to evaluate what changes you can make to reduce your stress while also participating in group or family activities.

Here are a few tips for reducing your Thanksgiving stress:

1. Simplify the Day

Store-bought pumpkin pie with a slice missing

You may normally go big with your Thanksgiving meal and decorations, but this year, give yourself permission to take it easy. With a few adjustments, you can take a task or event from stressful to simple. For example, you could do a potluck so that the cooking is spread out amongst the group. Or you could order a ready-made dinner with all the trimmings from a local restaurant. You could also minimize the home or table decorations and opt for store-bought desserts this year. With just a few small tweaks, you can greatly decrease your to-do list and your stress.

2. Don’t Be Afraid to Say “No”

Grandmother and granddaughter in the kitchen; grandmother holding platter with turkey and smiling as granddaughter kisses her cheek

Thanksgiving and the fall season come with many possible events, get-togethers, recitals, concerts, family gatherings, and more. You may not have the energy to go to everything, and that’s okay. Choose the most important events and pass on the rest.

As you prioritize events, make sure to talk to your family about your plans so they know when to expect you and when not to. This way, they can let you know what’s important for them – maybe a child’s recital – and you can plan ahead for the events you will attend. Plus, communicating your plans to family and taking their requests into account will help soothe any ruffled feathers and keep things relaxed.

3. Let Others Help You

Person in yellow coat raking fall leaves

If you’re like many of us, you learned early that it’s good to be independent and self-reliant. And while these two things are not inherently bad, we can sometimes take them a little too far, refusing help when we actually need it. So, this Thanksgiving, don’t be afraid to accept a little help. Let people support you through this time of grief. Accept casseroles, offers to do yardwork or run errands, and assistance with household chores. It will only make things less stressful and easier for you.

4. Take Time Out for Yourself

Woman in yellow sweater holding mug of pumpkin spice latte

Grief takes a toll on us, and it’s important to find ways to take care of ourselves. That means getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, pampering yourself every so often, and not overdoing it. At Thanksgiving, self-care may be splurging on your current pumpkin spice obsession, going for walks in the cool air, or simply spending quiet time alone to journal, meditate, listen to music, or cuddle with your pet. No matter what it is that helps you relax and feel cared for, take time to do that this Thanksgiving.

5. Share What’s On Your Mind

Two mature ladies walking outside and talking in the fall

You may be tempted to push down your feelings and power through Thanksgiving week, but try to resist the temptation. Instead, build in opportunities for reflection and make time to express yourself. This could mean painting, talking with friends or family, or attending a grief support group or a remembrance service. There will be times when your grief shows up unexpectedly, and that’s okay. People will understand if you’re teary. But by intentionally taking time to address your emotions, you can better process what you’re feeling in your own time and on your own terms.

6. Find Meaningful Ways to Honor Your Loved One

Simple place setting for a Thanksgiving table

This Thanksgiving, you’re missing someone special. Rather than ignoring their absence, consider finding a special way to honor their memory. Avoiding the elephant in the room – your grief and loss – may lead to feelings of stress. By openly honoring a loved one, you will have the freedom to include your loved one’s memory in the festivities without reservation.

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

  • Save a seat for them at the table
  • Create a remembrance item
  • Serve their favorite dish
  • Pull out the family photos and reminisce
  • Visit the graveside and leave a bouquet or memento
  • Continue one of their favorite traditions or incorporate a new one in their honor

While remembering your loved one may bring moments of sadness, there will be joy in finding ways to make them a special part of the day.

7. Allow Things to Be Different This Year

If you’re someone who wants everything just-so, one big way to reduce your Thanksgiving stress is to let things be different this year. Let go of the need for a perfectly decorated dining table, perfectly curated activities, or the perfectly prepared meal. Give yourself a little grace and some room to breathe. Thanksgiving is different this year; it’s harder. Do what you can to keep things simple.

Simple Thanksgiving meal of biscuits, green beans, and turkey with cranberry sauce

Now, it’s important to acknowledge that no two people are alike. Some of these suggestions will resonate with you and some won’t. That’s just fine. If having the perfectly trimmed Thanksgiving dinner helps you relax, then go all out. If baking those 15 pies provides a release of tension, do it. You know yourself best, so implement the ideas that work best for who you are.

Just remember – it’s okay to let yourself feel however you feel this Thanksgiving. You don’t have to force yourself to be cheerful, and you don’t have to stop yourself from feeling happy if you enjoy the day. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love or miss the person who is gone; it means that you are human. We are complex beings, and our lives are filled with moments of joy mixed with moments of grief, sometimes both at once! Take time on Thanksgiving to step back, take care of yourself, and enjoy time with the people you love the most. If you do, you will create sweet memories to cherish in the years to come.

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