Losing a loved one to suicide is confusing, devastating, and can possibly lead to years of processing the questions and the pain. In some cases, you may never fully understand what happened or what was going on in your loved one’s mind. But even without all the answers, you can heal and find the strength to move forward. To help yourself or a dear friend navigate the aftermath of suicide, consider following these 6 tips.
1. Don’t give guilt or anger a foothold
After losing a loved one to suicide, it’s common to feel a range of emotions, ranging from guilt to depression to anger at the person who has died. You may ask yourself what you could have done to prevent the tragedy and become overwhelmed by guilt. Even as you grapple with these questions, the most important thing to realize is that the death was not your fault.
Studies have found that 46% of people who die by suicide have a known mental health condition, and other risks factors include substance abuse, intoxication, chronic illness, history of abuse, family history of suicide, or a recent tragedy, to name a few. In all likelihood, you were not directly involved in any of these factors.
Realizing these two fundamental truths – that your loved one may have been suffering from a mental illness and that their death was not your fault – can allow you to understand and sympathize with your loved one. Free yourself from guilt and anger. Embrace compassion for yourself and your lost loved one. Consider participating in healing actions, like telling the story of your loved one’s life, finding ways to honor their memory, or cultivating compassion for others who suffer from mental illness.
2. Find a good therapist
Grief therapy can be helpful for anyone experiencing the pain of loss, but for those who have lost loved ones to suicide, it is particularly beneficial. The traumatic nature of suicide makes loved ones more susceptible to intense psychological distress, and professional help is required in many of these cases.
Counseling helps suicide loss survivors see the situation more clearly, and a trained therapist can help you understand the psychiatric problems your lost loved one faced. The therapist may also be able to help you recognize and stop unhealthy patterns of thinking so you can grieve in a healthy manner.
3. Surround yourself with people you love
You may be tempted to isolate yourself and try to come to grips with suicide loss on your own. But isolation breeds unhappiness, especially after a traumatic event. Instead, make a concentrated effort to stay connected to the people who matter in your life.
If you are a person of faith, visit with people in your spiritual community. Invite friends over or go out to social events. Talk to family members often and look for opportunities to socialize. Those who have lost loved ones to suicide often struggle with depression in the months after the loss, and studies indicate that social interaction is a great way to decrease depression. Friends and family members can keep you anchored in a routine, and their love will provide you with a sense of safety, security, and familiarity.
4. Join a support community
In addition to speaking with a therapist and staying in contact with close friends and family, you may also want to consider finding a support community. After a loss, you may feel totally alone. Joining a support group will help you realize that you aren’t alone and will allow you to form new connections that will give you strength and encouragement as you travel down the road to healing.
Groups such as Survivors of Suicide Loss (SOSL) and Alliance of Hope allow you to hear the experiences of others who have lost loved ones to suicide. They also give you the opportunity to share your thoughts (if you wish to). You might find that expressing your feelings in a welcoming and sympathetic environment helps you work through the loss and provides the encouragement you need to continue your journey toward healing.
5. Be patient with yourself
Next, remember that grief follows no timeline, and there is no rush. You have experienced a loss that is enormously painful. It’s normal to find yourself experiencing periods of deep sadness, even long after the loss. When those grief bursts or triggers come, allow yourself to cry or express frustration when you need to.
The fact is you will never stop missing your loved one. But over the course of time, you can find ways to enjoy life again. As you work toward healing, embrace what you feel and accept that it’s okay to be upset. Strive not to compare your grief feelings to the feelings of others. The grief journey is not linear – everyone is different. By allowing yourself (and others) to feel the emotions of grief without judgment, you can make a great deal of progress on your grief journey.
6. Establish your loved one’s legacy
For many people, it’s healing to find ways to remember the positive impact your loved one had on the lives of others. You might attend a prayer vigil or a gathering with loved ones where you all openly share memories and stories. You might give a memorial donation to a charity, start a scholarship, or participate in a 5K in their honor.
If you feel comfortable, you may even start a blog or find another way to write about what your loved one meant to you and those around you. Sharing the story of your loved one’s life can be an important healing step on your grief journey.
While these 6 suggestions aren’t a miracle pill for recovering from suicide loss, each one will greatly benefit you. The journey ahead may not be easy, but working through the emotions of grief and finding healing is well worth the time and hard work. May you find the peace and healing you need and deserve!
Online Resources
- Alliance of Hope of Suicide Loss Survivors
- 988 Suicide Lifeline Support
- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
- Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
- Friends for Survival
