If you’ve decided to preplan your funeral, you are giving your family a true gift. Not only is preplanning an expression of your great love, but it also puts everyone’s minds at ease, knowing that all the details have been taken care of. While the decision to preplan may have been easy to make, it can be harder to tell family about it. Today, let’s talk about 7 easy steps to sharing your funeral plans and helping your family understand the benefits.
7 Easy Steps to Sharing Your Funeral Plans with Family
The time and method of sharing your funeral plans is entirely up to you. You can chat over the phone or in person, whatever works best for your family.
Before you begin, prepare yourself for some possible pushback. Some people shy away from talking about death and anything related to it. Your children or relatives may try to brush the topic aside or protest that they will take care of everything. If that happens, tell them firmly but kindly that you have specific wishes that you want them to know.
1. Start off by talking about your health
When possible, it’s best to have this conversation when you are in good health. If you are in good health, reassure your children that everything is fine and that you are just thinking ahead. Perhaps mention that you’d rather have this discussion now than when you are ill. On the other hand, if you are already fighting an illness, let them know that you are thinking about what’s best for them. Explain that you want to do this because you love them.
2. Acknowledge that the conversation isn’t easy
Let them know that you don’t take this conversation lightly. Share with them how you have thoughtfully considered the best way to impart this information. Acknowledge that the topic isn’t easy for you either, but you want to ensure they know what to do after you’re gone. You want to make things as straightforward and simple for them as possible.
3. Share why you preplanned your funeral
Highlight the reasons why you decided to preplan your funeral. Perhaps you wanted to ease some of the decision-making burdens they will feel when the time comes. Or you wanted to have some sense of control over what your final disposition will be.
It could also be that you want to save money and pay for the funeral costs over time rather than have the burden fall on your children. Or you want to protect your family from emotional overspending by ensuring they don’t pay for unnecessary merchandise. No matter your motivation, speak from the heart and share your personal “why” behind planning ahead.
4. Present your plan
Make sure that you’ve written a comprehensive plan before you share it with your family. Your relatives may have ideas that are different from yours, and you need to know which items are non-negotiable so that you can stand your ground, if necessary. Don’t feel the need to expound on every small detail of the plan. Just make sure they know your wishes and which funeral home you are partnering with.
5. Ask if there’s anything they’d like to contribute or include
While the funeral honors the dead, it’s a healing balm for the living. If you’d like to invite your family to make suggestions, feel free to do so.
Your relatives may have creative ideas to share that will enhance your plans. Or there may be something you haven’t thought of that will be particularly meaningful to them if it’s included in the service. For example, your child who plays the violin may want to perform one of your favorite songs. Or your artistic sibling may want to put together a decorative collage of your growing up years together.
There’s value in understanding what will help others heal and incorporating those details into the service. You, of course, maintain all veto powers! Not every idea is a good idea, and it’s okay to set boundaries.
6. Answer their questions
It’s natural to have questions. Let your family ask theirs and listen to what’s on their hearts and minds. Be willing to change a few things on your funeral plan. If their responses seem negative, try to understand the fear that is motivating them, and address that fear directly. It is hard to face the reality of death, even if it’s far distant. But if you are committed to preplanning and ensuring that everything is taken care of for your family’s benefit, then the hard conversations have to happen.
7. Reassure them
As your conversation draws to a close, remind your family how much you love them. Reiterate that you have created a plan that you hope will bring them peace and comfort when you cannot physically be with them. As you end the discussion, reassure everyone that this is an ongoing conversation. If they have questions or concerns later, you are open to discussing this topic as much as they would like.
Hopefully these 7 steps will help you successfully navigate the preplanning conversation with your family. Even if they aren’t enthusiastic about hearing that you’ve made funeral plans, in the end, they will be grateful that you are thinking ahead. If you haven’t already, make sure to finalize your funeral plans with your chosen funeral home and consider the benefits of pre-paying. Check out the resources below for more helpful information!
