When attending a viewing for a family member, friend, or neighbor, you may feel intimidated if you don’t know what to expect or how to prepare.
Understanding the purpose and expectations of a viewing can bring peace of mind as you get ready to honor someone special.
Let’s discuss some common questions that may arise as you prepare to attend one.
What is a viewing?
Often, a viewing may be mistaken for a visitation. While viewings and visitations are often held at the same time, they are two separate events.
A visitation is about speaking to the family and offering condolences. It can happen with or without the body present and may simply be a time for the family to receive condolences from friends, neighbors, and other loved ones.
On the other hand, a viewing focuses on visually seeing the deceased as you say goodbye and honor their life. Participating in this comforting tradition provides you with the opportunity to pay your respects and make peace with the reality that the person is gone. While choosing to attend a viewing can be emotionally difficult, it offers you a meaningful space to find comfort and take an important step toward healing.
What should you wear?
Although a viewing is generally more informal than a funeral or memorial service, it remains a solemn occasion centered on honoring the person who passed. Choosing business casual or slightly dressy attire is usually a safe, thoughtful choice. By wearing darker shades as opposed to bright colors or patterns, you are showing respect and honoring the somber occasion.
How long should you stay at a viewing?
Since viewings are informal, you do not need to stay for the entire duration. Generally, a viewing is more of a come-and-go event where you can stop by at any time during the scheduled event window. Stay as long as feels right, and feel free to quietly leave whenever you are ready.
What should you expect when you walk into the room?
When you walk into the room, family and friends might be seated, standing around, or near the casket itself. There may be a photo slideshow, soft music, or the deceased’s treasured items on display. You may choose to sign the guest book, spend quiet moments in reflection, or speak to other guests.
If the family is present and you feel comfortable, you can offer your condolences, then step aside so other guests can offer their support as well. Depending on the situation and how the person passed, the viewing may be somber or celebratory. It could be a room full of people having lively discussions and swapping stories, or an emotional setting filled with tears and quiet embraces.
No matter what atmosphere you encounter, take note of the room’s mood and remain respectful of those who are grieving.
How will the body look?
Seeing the body is likely the most emotional part of the experience.
Typically, the open casket is placed in a prominent area of the room, displaying the body in a relaxed, peaceful posture.
While you’ll see the face you recognize, expect some obvious differences, such as a slightly waxy complexion and makeup. Families choose the deceased’s clothing and accessories, so there will possibly be an outfit and jewelry you recognize.
Seeing a loved one’s body, you may feel a wide range of emotions. It may take some time to process, so give yourself grace and permission to experience your feelings in your own way.
How do you approach the casket and say goodbye?
As part of your final farewell, you may choose to spend a few moments standing by the casket. When you approach, wait in line if needed, and move forward quietly and respectfully.
This is your time to say goodbye in a way that feels right to you, whether that is saying a silent prayer, reflecting quietly, or telling the deceased how much you will miss them.
It is also completely acceptable to touch the body if you feel comfortable doing so. You might hold the deceased’s hand, place your hand on their arm, or gently kiss their cheek or forehead. Once you have spent your time with the physical body and feel ready, quietly step back to give others space to pay their respects.
How should you interact with other guests?
Because the family may not be present at the viewing, you might find yourself surrounded by people you do not know. If this is the case, a little advance preparation can help you feel at ease talking to strangers.
Consider asking other guests a question like “How did you know him/her?” or offering your own comment, such as “They were a great friend.” Talking with others can foster community and remind attendees that they are not alone in their grief. However, if making conversation feels overwhelming, it is also fine to slip in and then leave.
What if you’re feeling apprehensive about attending?
It is normal to feel hesitant about attending a viewing. Nationally respected grief counselor Dr. Alan Wolfelt says that seeing the physical body can be a vital part of the grieving process. Seeing the person helps you begin to understand and accept the reality of the loss.
There are certainly valid reasons for choosing not to attend the viewing, such as a strained relationship with the deceased or family members, disputes over a will, or knowing that your presence might create discomfort for others. In these circumstances, trust your judgment to do what best supports everyone.
If you are in good standing with the family and simply feel nervous, attending the viewing can be a meaningful choice. Seeing someone who has died may be painful, but the benefits often outweigh your apprehension. This moment gives you a final chance to say goodbye and support those around you.
Attending a viewing is a natural, healing moment in the funeral experience. As you navigate the loss of someone special, being present at a viewing is an important step on your healing journey. Embracing the opportunity to see your loved one’s physical body and sharing one last moment with them will bring you peace and comfort in the days and years to come.