When someone you know and care about loses someone they love, you may naturally want to reach out to offer your support. But what are the best ways to do that? Writing a condolence letter or attending the funeral are great options, but a sympathy gift can also communicate that you care.
While the most common sympathy gifts are flowers and memorial donations, there are so many other things you can do to walk alongside a grieving friend. Check out these 10 non-traditional ideas and see if any of these gift options inspire you.
1. Share Photos the Family Doesn’t Have
If you have any photos of the person who has died, consider sharing a copy with the grieving family. New images of a lost loved one can be comforting and heartwarming and help the family tap into events that shaped their loved one’s unique life. If you have access to a lot of photos, you could even put together a thoughtful collage and send it to the family with a condolence card.
2. Put Together a Self-Care Giftbox
Grief can take a toll on the body, both physically and emotionally. Because grief can be so exhausting, self-care becomes even more important. Dr. Alan Wolfelt, respected grief expert and counselor, says, “Good self-care is important [when you’re grieving]. The ‘lethargy of grief’ you are probably experiencing is a natural mechanism intended to slow you down and encourage you to care for your body.” To encourage your grieving friend to consider their own needs, consider putting together a care package filled with bubble bath, moisturizing lotion, face masks, or even a gift card for a manicure, pedicure, or massage.
3. Help Around the House
If you like to help in practical ways, you can offer to clean the house, mow the lawn, cook meals, or shop for groceries. We all tend to say, “Don’t worry; I’ll get to it,” but during times of grief, the most routine tasks take an extra measure of energy to accomplish. When you first offer, your friend may decline because they don’t want to inconvenience you. Kindly but firmly let them know that helping them is not inconvenient at all, and either offer to do specific tasks or ask them which tasks would be most helpful.
4. Gift a Grief Journal or Sketchbook
During times of grief, expressing what’s on your heart and mind is helpful. For some, that means writing things down, allowing the emotions to pour out on paper. Others need to sketch or paint their emotions, using various colors to depict different emotions. Creativity is an effective tool for expressing externally what is sometimes stuck internally. If you know that your grieving friend is a writer or an artist (and even if they aren’t), giving them a journal or a sketchbook might create a good outlet for self-expression.
5. Choose a Book about Grief
When you’re in the depths of grief, you might draw courage and inspiration from the stories of others. While your grief is not the same as someone else’s, hearing from other people can act as a reminder that you’re not alone. Everyone grieves and hurts. There are many books available about grief because every person deals with it at some point in their lives, though an often noted classic to consider is A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis.
6. Create a Message Jar
With this idea, you’re a little more hands-on. Creating a message jar will take time and intentionality, but the results are comforting and worthwhile. To get started, you need a jar (you choose the size, color, decoration), and then, using slips of paper, write 31 notes with words of encouragement to your grieving friend. After receiving the jar, your friend will have an entire month’s worth of comfort and encouragement from you. If you wish to write fewer notes or more than 31, you can tailor the jar’s contents to your wishes. No matter the number of notes, this thoughtful gift will communicate just how much you care and show that your support is long-term.
7. Do Something for the Kids
Children also experience grief, and noticing their needs can comfort kids and parents alike. If you decide to do something for the kids, make sure to take their age into account. For example, you could give a stuffed animal to a small child or a remembrance necklace to an older one. You could bring favorite foods, books, or a specially made Christmas ornament. Your options are limitless. (Note: If you aren’t close to the family, consider getting permission from the caregivers before giving gifts to the kids.)
8. Offer Babysitting
Offering to take care of the kids for an evening is another practical gift you can give to a grieving family. The adult(s) may need time to think and process through overwhelming emotions, which can be very hard to do with little ones around. Time alone, or just the opportunity to go do some things solo, can be a rejuvenating and life-giving gift.
9. Volunteer Your PTO
Employment responsibilities don’t stop because you’re grieving. Some companies provide bereavement days, but there may be restrictions, such as only pertaining to the loss of immediate family. If you are close to a grieving co-worker, and your company allows it, you might consider donating one of your vacation days to a friend who needs a little extra time away from the office. While dependent on your company’s policies and whether you have any PTO days available, giving someone extra time to grieve is an incredible gift that can make a big impact on the days surrounding the death of a loved one.
10. Be Present
While some people do want to be alone in their grief, your presence is important. Not your advice or your own grief experiences, but your presence. Quiet. Thoughtful. Present. Available. We all need to know that someone cares, that someone acknowledges our grief and our right to grieve. Consider how you can simply be present and available to your grieving friend, and when they are ready, you can be a listening ear to someone who simply needs a friend.
This list is far from exhaustive. If you’ve come up with another way to show your grieving friend that you care, go for it! The most important thing is to thoughtfully and meaningfully convey your love, support, and care during a time of grief and loss.
For more useful ideas and suggestions, check out:
Sympathy Gifts You Can Mail
Sympathy Cards: What to Write & Examples
8 Simple Tips for Writing a Meaningful Condolence Letter
