After losing a loved one, the act of remembrance is essential to the healing process. Memories and cherished moments bring comfort and peace during the difficult process of grief. While you will always miss the person who has died, you can keep their memory alive in your heart and memory. One way you can honor and remember them is by celebrating their birthday every year. But what does that look like? Let’s review 10 ideas for celebrating a loved one’s memory on their birthday.
1. Organize a gathering with family and friends
If you love hosting and having people around you, consider throwing a birthday party for your lost loved one. Instead of gifts, guests can bring their favorite memories to share over the dinner table. Display photos, bring out your loved one’s favorite dishes, and place your loved one’s photo in a place of honor at the table. Coming together with others may be just the right balm for your heart as you mark a lost loved one’s birthday.
2. Cook their favorite meal
If you don’t feel up to a full gathering, keep it simple by cooking your loved one’s favorite meal for your immediate family. As you prepare their signature dish, place a photo of your loved one nearby. Then, once everyone is settled at the table, swap stories about your lost loved one and laugh together as you celebrate their birthday and their life. In this way, you can combine the comfort of food with the comfort of your memories.
3. Write them a letter
Words are powerful, and writing down your thoughts can be a therapeutic and effective way to process what you’re feeling. As you write, you could express your feelings, share life updates, or simply tell your loved one how much you miss them. If you want an extra touch, choose a birthday card at the store and write your letter inside. Then, you can leave the letter at their graveside or place it in a memory box where you can come back to it in future years.
4. Start a birthday tradition
If you like the idea of creating a ritual you can revisit year after year, consider starting a birthday tradition on your loved one’s birthday. Did they love apple pie? Eat a slice on their birthday every year. Did they adore When Harry Met Sally or Die Hard? Watch the movie, even if it’s the wrong time of year. Did they love taking walks? Get outside and breathe in the crisp air. Simply choose a birthday tradition that’s doable and look forward to it every year.
5. Give a memorial donation
If your loved one was active in the community or did regular volunteer work, then giving a memorial donation may be an excellent way to honor their memory. Consider giving to an organization they were passionate about. Alternatively, if they suffered from a disease, you could give toward medical research seeking a cure and treatment options. By giving a memorial donation in your loved one’s name, you extend their positive impact on the world.
6. Visit their final resting place
Another activity to consider is visiting your loved one’s final resting place. If the cemetery allows it, bring a birthday bouquet or a birthday balloon. Sit down and give your loved one an update on the past year of your life. If your person wasn’t laid to rest in a cemetery, visit a place that is particularly meaningful to the two of you. It doesn’t really matter where you go, as long as you feel a connection and kinship to the person who has died.
7. Share a post on social media
Social media is a big part of life today, and it can be a great place to publicly honor and remember a loved one. Take your time crafting a heartfelt message and selecting meaningful photos. If you wish, you could ask people to share a favorite memory or leave a message of remembrance in the comments. When you’re hurting, it can be comforting to know you aren’t alone and that other people miss your person, too.
8. Participate in their favorite hobby
Did your loved one have a favorite hobby or pastime? In honor of their birthday, you could jump in and participate. For the painters, sign up for a class at the local Paint & Sip. For the marathon runners, sign up for a 5k (you can walk, no running required). For the crafters, spend time learning how to embroider, quilt, or crochet. For the golfers, take the whole family to mini golf. No matter what your loved one’s interests were, you can use them to honor your loved one’s birthday.
9. Wear something meaningful for the day
What you wear is a form of expression. On your lost loved one’s birthday, you can express your love for them through your wardrobe. You could wear their favorite color or a piece of jewelry that once belonged to them. You could pull on fuzzy cat socks or paint your nails that signature blue. Whatever it is, wearing a physical reminder can brighten your day and hopefully bring a smile to your face amidst any sadness you’re feeling.
10. Perform random acts of kindness
Lastly, give kindness to others on behalf of your loved one. For one mother who lost her young daughter, this meant paying for another child’s birthday cake in her daughter’s memory. For you, this could mean so many things. Paying for the person’s order behind you in the drive-thru. Taking cookies to work. Smiling at people at the store. Giving a bigger tip. Big or small, a simple act of kindness can lift the heart – yours and the other person’s.
Remember, this is just a list of possible ideas. Get creative and identify the most meaningful way for you to honor your loved one’s memory on their birthday. And if it’s hard to think about “celebrating” anything right now, that’s okay. You can come back to this list of ideas at a future date when you’re ready. Each year may look different as your loved one’s birthday comes and goes, but your love for them will remain forever and always.
