Skip to main content
search
Category

Meaningful Funerals

Apr 24
Love0
Microphone ready for eulogy; white and red flowers and chairs in the background

How to Personalize the Eulogy at a Funeral

By Meaningful Funerals, Planning Tools

The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about different ways you can personalize the eulogy and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.

Closed wooden casket with flowers and a podium nearby

 First, Why Does Personalization Matter?

“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.”  – Dr. Alan Wolfelt

In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!

A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways.  Now, let’s talk about eulogies and their vital role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!

Microphone ready for eulogy; white and red flowers and chairs in the background

How to Personalize the Eulogy at a Funeral

In many ways, the eulogy may be the single most important aspect of a loved one’s service. It’s a time to acknowledge and affirm the significance of their life. A time to share memories, to reflect on important life lessons, and to celebrate who they were as a unique individual. The eulogy can be delivered by a clergy person, a family member, or even by a series of people, and it’s important to be thoughtful and intentional about the tribute you give.

1. Share cherished memories

When crafting a eulogy, consider what comes to mind when you think about the person who has died. What are your most significant memories with them? If they were a prankster, share their best jokes or tricks. For animal lovers, talk about beloved pets. If there are family memories that bring joy, paint a picture of those moments. Were they a board game enthusiast? Give the audience a retelling of an epic game. You can go many different directions with the eulogy, based on your loved one’s life and the most meaningful moments you shared.

2. Highlight community involvement

Some people are known for their contribution to the community, and it would be remiss not to mention their volunteer work. You might consider also asking fellow volunteers or organization leaders to step up and give a short eulogy. Alternatively, if your loved had a career that positively impacted others, you could invite colleagues to say a few words. No matter where they volunteered or how they gave back to the community, there are people who can speak to that specific aspect of your loved one’s life and honor their commitment and dedication to a cause.

Funeral service at church with speaker in front

3. Bring visual aids

Another option for personalizing the eulogy is to bring visual aids. This might sound a little odd at first, but visual aids can increase the impact of the eulogy. For example, if you are sharing memories, bring a slideshow of related photos and use them to emphasize your storytelling. Or, if your loved one was an artist, bring a particularly meaningful project with you and share its significance. There are so many items you could bring as visual aids. You could bring anything from crafts like quilts to sports equipment like golf clubs or a fishing pole. The funeral home can even work with you to bring in larger visual aids, such as a motorcycle or something similar.

4. Use your personal talents to create a unique tribute

Sometimes, words aren’t enough, and we must express ourselves in other ways. If you are a songwriter, you could compose a song in honor of your loved one and include it in your eulogy. For those who are more artistic, consider painting, drawing, or building something that showcases your love for the person who has died and share its meaning in the eulogy. Are you a dancer? Choreograph a routine to the tune of your loved one’s favorite song. While the eulogy is about honoring the person who has died, it’s also about your grief journey and how you want to honor their life. Don’t be afraid to use your talents to say goodbye.

Man playing piano to honor a loved one

Questions to Help You Brainstorm

If ideas aren’t coming to mind already, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what you could include in a meaningful eulogy at a service.

  • Are there any memories that are particularly meaningful to you?
  • Did you and your loved one share a hobby or interest?
  • Was your loved one involved in community work?
  • If people were to describe your loved one, what would they say?
  • Were they passionate about something in particular?
  • Were they family-famous for anything?

Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for crafting a eulogy that will honor your loved one’s life beautifully. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.

For additional inspiration, here are more articles on eulogies that may help:

Apr 18
Love0
Person wearing black coat and holding white memorial flower

7 Tips for Planning a Memorial Service

By Educational, Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals

Do you know the main difference between a memorial service and a funeral service? At a funeral service, the deceased’s body is present, either in an open or closed casket. However, at a memorial service, the body is not present and a framed portrait or an urn serves as the focal point, instead of a casket.

You can have a memorial service with either burial or cremation; it all depends on whether the body is present at the service or not. Both options will beautifully honor a loved one’s life – it just depends on your family’s preferences.

If you aren’t sure how to proceed, let’s discuss why having a service is important and 7 helpful tips for planning a memorial service.

Person wearing black coat and holding white memorial flower

Does Having a Service Matter?

Having some sort of ceremony or opportunity to mourn the death of someone loved allows you to acknowledge the reality of the situation and serves as a good first step on the road to healing. According to a study conducted among adults aged 40+, “82 percent said that a service was helpful in paying tribute to or commemorating the life of a friend or family member” and “72 percent believed services they attended were an important part of the healing process.”

Memorial services allow for a great deal of flexibility if additional time is needed to gather together as a family. In fact, it is not uncommon for a memorial service to be held a month or more after the death. Whether you decide on a funeral or a memorial service, it’s important to remember the role that memorialization plays in the grieving process. Spend some time thinking about the type of service that would best honor your loved one’s life and spirit.

Young woman wearing black kneeling in a cemetery holding a pink memorial rose

7 Tips for Planning a Memorial Service

If you decide to honor your loved one with a memorial service, there are many important choices you will need to make. Here are some tips for creating a rich and meaningful memorial service.

1. Choose a Fitting Location

Since the body will not be present, you have a lot of freedom regarding where the memorial service takes place. A memorial service can be held at the home of the person who has died or a favorite spot of the deceased. People have also used church buildings, local or national parks, community centers, funeral home chapels, the graveside, and even restaurants to pay their respects. No matter where you choose, remember to include a photo of the deceased or bring the urn so people have a visual reminder and can say goodbye.

Park bench under a large, full tree; location option for a memorial service

2. Select Articulate Speakers

Find a few family members and friends who are good public speakers to deliver a eulogy, read poems or scripture, and tell funny or inspiring stories. Since the memorial service often takes place a few weeks after the death, the speakers will have time to gather their thoughts and could even run their ideas by each other.

3. Consider Music

If you are at a venue that accommodates the playing of music, take advantage of this opportunity. Music is a great way to honor the life of a loved one. It communicates feelings that can be hard to put into words. You might play a loved one’s favorite song or another piece of music that ties to the life in a special way. For additional help choosing custom music for a memorial service, check out “How to Personalize Music at a Funeral.”

Person in yellow sweater playing the guitar and making music

4. Create a Slideshow

If you choose a location that has some technical capability, you could play a slideshow in honor of your loved one’s life journey. Include pictures or videos of important life events, places, and people that shaped your loved one’s life. For more insight into how a slideshow can be a meaningful addition to a final tribute, take a moment to read “The Importance of a Memorial Tribute Video.”

5. Provide Food and Drink

Many memorial services offer some kind of food, although the type of catering varies widely. You could include a full meal or simply offer light snacks and refreshments. Consider the time of day of the service when deciding on food. Also, you might choose foods that reflect your lost loved one’s preferences. If they loved chicken nuggets, get a tray from their favorite spot. For those with a sweet tooth, include an assortment of their favorite cookies or cakes.

Tray with assortment of cookies for a memorial service

6. Create the Guest List

If the memorial service is being held weeks or months after the death, make a list of everyone you would like to have attend and send out invitations to them. Mail invitations well in advance, so that guests who live far away have time to make travel arrangements. You could also post an invitation on your social media channels if that’s the easiest way for you to reach people.

7. Prepare “Thank You” Cards

Whether you choose a formal or informal setting, you’re likely going to need help as you create a meaningful service. For those closely involved in the planning, take time to thank them. Taking this extra step will also keep your support network alive. Stay in contact with the people who mean the most to you and find the people you can lean on as you begin your grief journey. After all, the memorial service is only the beginning of the road to healing.

Man in blue button-down shirt opening a letter in a brown envelope

These 7 tips will help you plan a meaningful memorial service, but remember, you aren’t on your own with this. The funeral home is available to assist you with memorial service plans. They can take on as much of the planning as you wish. Simply reach out to them and discuss what you’d like to do. They will provide options and help you brainstorm through all the possibilities.

Apr 03
Love0

12 Modern Christian Songs for a Final Tribute

By Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals

When honoring and remembering a loved one’s life, music plays a pivotal role. It helps mourners recall memories, comforts the soul, and brings tears to the eyes. And the music you select can also be an excellent way to create a truly personalized sendoff for a loved one. If your loved one was a person of faith, consider these 12 modern Christian songs as possible options for their final tribute.

Open Bible with unidentified person resting clasped hands on top

Note: Many Christian songs, like hymns, are centuries old. The songs on this list are all from the 21st century, making them much more modern. May you find just the right song to beautifully honor your loved one’s life and legacy.

1. Heaven Song (Phil Wickham – 2009)

Can’t wait to join the angels and sing
I wanna run on greener pastures
I wanna dance on higher hills

Throughout this calming song, the lyrics tell us that there’s a much better place awaiting those who have submitted their lives to God. The song reminds us that, with Heaven’s greener pastures, higher hills, and sweeter waters, a loved one is now in a place beyond our wildest dreams with a God who dearly loves them. Remembering God’s promise to prepare a place for His children is a strong source of comfort for Christians during a time of loss.

2. Dancing with the Angels (Monk & Neagle – 2014)

Your heart will be heard
In your unspoken words
Through generations to come

With its simple lyrics, this song from Monk & Neagle is a lovely tribute for any Christian. It touches on the sadness that surviving friends and family feel even as they find comfort in the knowledge that a Christian loved one is now in heaven, praising God and dancing with the angels. And even though that person is gone, their impact will be felt for generations to come.

3. Scars in Heaven (Casting Crowns – 2021)

The only scars in Heaven, they won’t belong to me and you
There’ll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in Heaven are on the hands that hold you now

After the loss of a loved one, it’s natural and normal to wish we’d had just one more day, one more moment, with that special person. This soothing song expresses that deep desire we all feel for a little more time. Additionally, it references the beauty of Heaven, where a loved one is standing in the sun without pain, all concerns a million miles away. This song may be particularly meaningful for a Christian who went through a long-term illness or carried deep hurts with a grace-filled attitude.

4. I Will Carry You (Selah – 2009)

Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life

Composed after the death of the songwriter’s infant daughter, this song addresses the deep pain a parent feels after the loss of a child. Mourning what could have been, all the things that will never be. But with God’s comfort as our companion, we can gladly carry the pain that comes with love and loss. For the family mourning the loss of a child, this comforting Christian song may be a meaningful addition.

5. It is Not Death to Die (Sovereign Grace – 2008)

It is not death to die
To leave this weary road
And join the saints who dwell on high
Who’ve found their home with God

Similar to hymns of old in its tempo, this song reminds Christians that there is more beyond this earthly life. For the Christian, death is merely a doorway to true life with God because Jesus conquered the grave. Because of His death and resurrection, it’s possible for us to live in God’s presence as His children. Because of this hope, Christians find comfort in the knowledge that Christian loved ones are not gone forever. There will be a reunion in Heaven one day.

6. There Will Be a Day (Jeremy Camp – 2008)

But I hold on to this hope
And the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

In this up-tempo song, Jeremy Camp reminds listeners that the burdens we carry now will not last forever.  There will be a day when there is no more pain and no more tears. Until then, Christians must hold fast to God through the trials and triumphs of life. Losing a loved one can be devastating, but this song reminds us that we are not alone. God sees our hurt and pain. He will one day banish pain entirely, but until that day comes, He will bring hope into the darkness of grief.

7. Welcome Home (Michael W. Smith – 2010)

I can hear the sound
As angels gather ’round
Saying this is where you belong
Welcome home

Simple yet poignant, this song reminds us that our loved ones are going on to their true home. We will deeply miss them, but they are being welcomed home with joy and gladness. On this side of Heaven, none of us can know just how incredible it will feel to be in the presence of God, to be truly home. The lyrics of this song capture the heartache we may feel after losing a loved one while also offering a gentle comfort in knowing that lost loved ones are well and truly home.

8. When I Get Where I’m Going (Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton – 2005)

Yeah, when I get where I’m going
There’ll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I’ll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear

While this song was released in the country music genre, both musicians are devout Christians, and the lyrics place it firmly into the modern Christian song category. Since its considered a country song, this tune may be the perfect complement for a person who loved country music. With its soothing cadence and focus on remembrance, the song brings cherished moments of our lost loved ones to the surface and helps us mourn.

9. I Will Rise (Chris Tomlin – 2008)

There’s a peace I’ve come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There’s an anchor for my soul
I can say “It is well”

In times of grief, it can feel like everything is out of control. The normal and comforting rhythm of our days is disrupted, and things feel stressful and unknown. This song reminds us that in the difficult moments, the times of grief, we can find an anchor from the storm in God. As we turn to Him, He will give us the strength to make it through this season of loss. That is a true comfort for the grieving, knowing that God is present and close through it all.

10. On My Way Home (The Booth Brothers – 2020)

I’m only passin’ through on my way Home
Heaven is the place where I belong
More than just a feeling or a dream
A land beyond the stars is calling me
When the Savior comes for me, I’ll go
To live forever, finally at Home

With its old-school vibe and soothing vocals, this song will add a soft, comforting feel to any final tribute. With its focus on the temporary nature of our time here on Earth, it lovingly reminds listeners that Heaven is the place where we will find true belonging. If you are planning a service for a Christian who often spoke of looking forward to meeting Jesus face-to-face, this song could be a great way to include that sentiment in their final sendoff.

11. When the Tears Fall (Tim Hughes – 2004)

In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me, You sustain me
My defender for ever more

Throughout our lives, we experience uncertainty, pain, grief, fear, anxiety, and so much more. But for the Christian, God is an ever-present help in times of trouble. This beautiful melody encourages us to lean on God during times of struggle and learn how to praise Him even when it’s hard. When tears fall, He’s there to wipe them away. When grief crushes, He’s there to bind the broken-hearted. This song is a poignant reminder that grief is not a journey you must travel alone – it’s walked with God.

12. I Can Only Imagine (MercyMe – 2001)

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk by Your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes would see
When Your face is before me

Very popular in both Christian and mainstream circles at its release, this beautiful song has stood the test of time and is perfect for any funeral service. With vivid imagery, the lyrics paint a picture of Heaven and the true awe that every Christian will feel in the presence of God. The words paired with the pleasant melody create a song that tugs at the heartstrings – creating a sense of wonder and anticipation. To leave mourners feelings uplifted and encouraged in the face of loss, consider including this song at a loved one’s final tribute.

For more suggestions on songs to include at a funeral service, check out the resources below:

By decade:

Mar 05
Love0
Man placing a white rose on top of a gravestone

How Rituals and Traditions Help Us Heal

By AfterCare, Grief/Loss, Meaningful Funerals No Comments

Sometimes, it’s hard to know what to think or how to process a loss that hurts so deeply it takes your breath away. That’s where traditions and rituals can help. Healing actions help us to express our deepest thoughts about life’s most significant events. Special ceremonies like graduations, weddings, and baby dedications involve rituals that help us mark important milestones in life. Similarly, when a loved one dies, traditions can also help us mark a significant event, spend time remembering a loved one, and find healing.

Man placing a white rose on top of a gravestone

What Makes Rituals So Effective?

1. Rituals are symbolic

When you lose a loved one, you can use symbolic acts to honor and remember their life and memory. This could mean that you watch their favorite movie every year or that you place their stocking on the mantel during the holidays. These small, symbolic acts help you to remember that a loved one is always with you in your heart.

2. Rituals help us express emotion

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, renowned grief counselor and educator, is often quoted as saying, “When words are inadequate, have a ritual.” During times of grief, you will need an outlet for expressing your deepest emotions, and words may not be enough. After all, when a loss occurs, the wound may be so deep that you simply cannot find the right words to express it. In times of great distress, a ritual can be more comforting and healing than a thousand eloquent words.

Servicemembers symbolically folding an American flag at a funeral

3. Rituals unite people in a common, shared experience

Funerals, visitations, candlelight services, memorial events, and celebration of life ceremonies can help you feel a certain solidarity with others who are sharing your grief and loss. There’s a unique sense of comfort from knowing that you’re not alone and that others are supporting you on the journey through grief.

So, why are rituals and traditions so effective? They can bring healing to the wounded heart and help you feel connected to others and supported by the presence of loved ones. Rituals are also a way to express deep emotions as you search for healing and reconciliation after a loss.

What are Some Examples of Healing Rituals?

Grief and healing are not one-size-fits-all. There’s no set timeframe for grief, and there’s no “right” way to heal. Instead, you must find what works best for you, your personality, and your family.

To spark your own ideas, here are some possible rituals you could include in your grief journey:

Woman lighting memorial candles in her home

Light a Memorial Candle

Put an open place setting at the table or set up a memorial display area at home and light a candle when you want to honor the memory of a loved one. You can light a candle every day or only on special occasions, such as birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays. Lighting a candle symbolizes the light that your loved one brought to you and how they live on in your heart.

Recall Memories

Family and friends may choose to gather on special occasions to share memories and honor a loved one’s life. This may occur on the first anniversary of the death, at family reunions, or on significant days like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. During these gatherings, set time aside to allow people to talk together and share memories that bring comfort and joy.

Man and woman visiting the grave of a loved one

Visit the Graveside

Some people find comfort in visiting the grave of their loved one, leaving fresh flowers, or simply spending time reflecting on the loss. Mourners often visit the grave on special days or on any day that they want to feel close to their loved one. No matter when you decide to visit, take this time to speak to your loved one and express what’s in your heart.

Attend a Special Memorial Event

Certain community events, such as remembrance services around the holidays, can also bring comfort and healing. These events help us connect with other people who are also feeling the pain of a loss, which can bring a greater sense of peace. In addition to receiving support, these types of gatherings help you engage with your emotions and express what you’re feeling.

Keepsake necklace with a loved one's fingerprint and the word "Dad" engraved on it

Carry a Remembrance Item

Sometimes a small keepsake, like a watch, jewelry, or a small heirloom, can be a sweet reminder of a loved one. If you don’t have a specific keepsake, you could select memorial jewelry that holds a lock of hair or is engraved with a loved one’s fingerprint. A remembrance item serves as a daily reminder that can bring comfort when you feel a loved one’s loss most keenly.

Now, these are just some ideas to get you started. There are so many rituals and traditions you could incorporate into your grief journey. Volunteer every year at a non-profit your loved one championed. Bake their favorite dessert on their birthday. There are so many possibilities. Spend some time thinking about what would be meaningful to you. Talk with your family members. Together, you will identify ways you can use ritual and tradition to bring healing to your hurting heart.

Feb 22
Love0
Pallbearers carrying a wooden casket with purple flowers resting on top

How to Personalize the Visitation at a Funeral

By Educational, Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Planning Tools

The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you use personalization to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can personalize the visitation and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.

Pallbearers carrying a wooden casket with purple flowers resting on top

 First, Why Does Personalization Matter?

“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.”  – Dr. Alan Wolfelt

In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!

A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about the visitation and its role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!

African American man placing his hand on a loved one's casket at a funeral

How to Personalize a Visitation at a Funeral

The viewing or visitation is a time for family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors to gather, to express support, to offer sympathy, and to remember someone loved. Plus, it’s the perfect time for personalization – an opportunity to tell the story of a lifetime. But how would you personalize the visitation?

1. Display Special Items

Every life is unique, so by including special items, you can create a one-of-a-kind remembrance event. You could display photos or mementoes from significant events or vacations. Additionally, you could include items associated with an interest or hobby, like books, artwork, ceramics, or model airplanes. What was your loved one interested in? Use those facets of their life to personalize the visitation.

2. Get Guests Involved

Another option for creating a personalized visitation is to provide opportunities for guests to get involved and share their own special memories and experiences with the deceased. For example, you could provide notecards where they can write down a memory. Or you could bring a portrait, photobook, or even a coffee table book and ask people to write notes of remembrance or record cherished moments. Alternatively, you could create a memorial work of art together, like a thumbprint tree. There are so many possibilities to consider.

Person holding a pen and writing a message on a notecard

3. Decorate on Theme

Another meaningful option to consider is using a theme for the visitation. If your loved one loved the color mint, when you put together the service announcement, ask people to wear that color to the visitation. Or include a refreshments table with mints, chocolate mint cookies, and mint-colored photo frames. For some, a color theme wouldn’t make sense, so consider alternative themes, like sports teams, favorite movies or books, country music, or anything else that reflects your loved one’s unique life.

4. Offer a Keepsake Token

A keepsake is something that family and friends can take home as a special reminder of a loved one. For example, if your loved one was a voracious reader, consider taking some of their books to the visitation with a note, saying, “Susan loved to read. Please take and read one of her books in honor of her memory.” You can do this with recipes, seed packets, postcards, collection items – almost anything! In this way, your loved one’s memory lives on in many homes and hearts.

Small pile of postcards

Questions to Help You Brainstorm

If you’re having trouble coming up with ideas, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what you can do to personalize the visitation.

  • Did your loved one collect anything?
  • Were they passionate about a particular team, hobby, movie, book, or play?
  • Did they travel? Are there any photos or places they loved?
  • Were they artistic? If so, you could display completed projects.
  • Is there a particular color you associate with them?
  • Did they enjoy baking? Include their family-famous recipes as refreshments.

Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for identifying ways that you can personalize the visitation to reflect your loved one’s individuality. And if you are feeling overwhelmed, speak with a funeral director. They have personalized many funerals during their career and can offer much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.

Man and woman standing at visitation, honoring a loved one's life

For additional inspiration, here are more articles about personalization that may help:

Feb 16
Love0
Man holding an open book

How to Personalize Readings at a Funeral

By Educational, Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Planning Tools

The funeral is a time to truly honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that special person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can use readings to personalize a loved one’s final tribute and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.  

Open hardback book with blue spine

 First, Why Does Personalization Matter?  

“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.”  – Dr. Alan Wolfelt 

In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!  

A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about readings and their vital role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!  

Man holding an open book

How to Personalize Readings at a Funeral

Readings are a way to invite mourners to express their emotions while also honoring the unique spirit of the one who has died. They add a deeper dimension to the service and allow you to engage together through the power of words. Sometimes, the right words don’t come to mind, but a book, a poem, or a verse can express the heart much more eloquently.

1. Recite quotes from favorite books, plays, poems, movies, or TV shows

When using literary or entertainment sources to personalize a service, consider what your loved one enjoyed. Did they love Emily Dickinson poems? Read a few. Did they regularly quote Star Trek or The Princess Bride? Take those quotes and turn them into a tribute. Is there a poem that has always reminded you of your loved one? Read the poem and share how it reflects that special person’s life or personality.

2. Include select passages from an appropriate holy book

For loved ones who lived out a deep faith, consider including select passages from the holy book they cherished. When a loved one dies, those left behind to mourn sometimes have a crisis of faith. They search for meaning and ask questions like, “What is the meaning of life?” “Should I do things differently?” “What happens next?” Faith can bring comfort when things feel out of control. Plus, including religious quotations can honor and respect that aspect of your loved one’s life.

Person sitting outside, writing on a pad of paper

3. Share something you have written to honor a loved one

If you enjoy writing or feel inspired, consider putting your thoughts and feelings on paper. Whether you compose a letter, a poem, an essay, or a haiku, you can use your own words to honor a loved one’s memory. Of course, the topic of your composition is entirely up to you, but feel free to be creative. And don’t forget to have someone else review your work before you read it at the service. It’s always a good idea to have a second set of eyes on any written text – just in case.

4. Read excerpts of your loved one’s personal writing

On the flip side, was your lost loved one a writer? If it feels appropriate, consider sharing excerpts of their own words. This is a beautiful way to highlight their personality and the unique perspective they had about the world. Sometimes, when a person has a terminal illness, they may write their own obituary or a letter or a poem about their experience. These writings may also be meaningful to share at a personalized service.

Young woman sitting at a table at home, listening to music and writing

Questions to Help You Brainstorm

If poems, quotes, or other reading selections aren’t coming to mind already, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm what kinds of readings you could include at a service.  

  • Did your loved one love any certain book, movie, poem, or TV show?
  • Were they known to quote anything regularly?
  • Did they have any favorite author, poet, or writer?
  • Were they a writer themselves – either personal or published?
  • Is there a literary or entertainment piece that always reminds you of them?

Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for selecting readings that will not only personalize the funeral but add special meaning as well. And if you are stumped, your funeral director can help. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.  

For additional inspiration, here are more articles on readings that may help: 

Feb 09
Love0

5 Things You Didn’t Know You Could Do for a Funeral

By Educational, Meaningful Funerals

For many years, every funeral was pretty much the same – copy & paste – but times are changing! Today, most families and funeral homes are moving away from cookie-cutter funerals and toward personalization and modernization. What does that mean? It means that you have more options and more opportunities to honor a loved one’s life in a truly meaningful way. 

To give you a glimpse into the possibilities, let’s discuss 5 things you didn’t know you could do for a funeral. 

1. Choose Your Venue

Red rose between rocks on a sandy beach

Traditionally, funerals have taken place at the funeral home or in a place of worship. While you can still have the funeral at either of these places, you have even more options now. Funerals are now taking place at parks, local businesses, beaches, barns, golf courses, and many other places. If you prefer to have the service at the funeral home, do it! And if you’d rather choose a different venue entirely, talk with the funeral director about the possibilities in your area. 

2. Combine Traditional Elements with Cremation

Mourners at a funeral saying goodbye at the casket

Cremation has been considered the quick and easy option for a while. But really, there are a lot more choices than you’d think! You can still have the convenience of cremation while keeping traditional service elements. For example, you can have a service with the body present by using a rental casket (more info here). Then, after the service, the body is transported to the crematory instead of the cemetery. To learn more about your options, speak with a funeral director. 

3. Add Customized Personalization

White, horse-drawn funeral hearse

When you’re saying goodbye to someone you love, it’s important to say it in a personal and meaningful way. That’s why families and funeral homes are moving toward customizing funeral and memorial services. No two people are the same, so it makes sense that the final tribute to a life lived should also be unique. But what can you do to personalize a service?

There are so many options, but here are a few to get you thinking:

  • Place a loved one’s ashes in cremation jewelry or have them pressed into a diamond
  • Use a horse-drawn carriage, a motorcycle, or even a fire engine to escort the casket to the cemetery
  • Include personal items at the service, like paintings, books, photos, crocheted items, or woodworking projects
  • Ask guests to wear a specific color or to follow a theme based on the deceased’s interests
  • Cater food from a favorite restaurant or include favorite homemade dishes
  • Play the deceased’s favorite music (no matter the genre)

While the funeral director is there to guide you in planning a loved one’s final tribute, you make the decisions. Don’t be afraid to put your ideas out there and see what’s possible. 

4. Livestream the Service

Young man sitting at home, watching a livestream on his computer

With families often living far apart these days, there’s a greater need to use technology to bring families together. Today, many funeral homes offer livestreaming to the families they serve, which allows more people to attend the service than might have otherwise been possible. Whether friends and family live too far away, are sick, can’t get out of work, or something else, livestreaming allows people near and far to participate in a loved one’s final goodbye.

5. Plan the Funeral Online

Mature husband and wife sitting at table at home, planning online

Did you know that it’s possible to plan a funeral online? It is! There are now services available that allow you to plan and pay for a funeral entirely online. You simply create an account, review the funeral home’s options, and make your selections. These tools are not widely used at this time, but the technology does exist and is likely to grow in use in the coming years. Maybe someday it will come to a funeral home near you! 

As with any profession, funeral care continues to grow and change based on the needs of people – your needs. If you have feedback to offer a funeral home, don’t hesitate to drop a comment card or send an email. And if you had a stellar experience, leave a review on Google. 

In the years to come, even more new things will change within the funeral industry. But one thing will remain the same – their commitment to providing you with kind, compassionate, and knowledgeable service during a time of grief and loss. You can count on it!

 

Jan 31
Love0

How to Personalize Music at a Funeral

By Educational, Explore Options, Meaningful Funerals, Planning Tools

The funeral is a time to honor and remember a loved one’s life, but how can you personalize the service to reflect that person’s personality, preferences, interests, and uniqueness? According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, nationally respected grief counselor and author, there are 7 distinct elements to a funeral, and each one can be personalized. Today, let’s talk about how you can use music to personalize a loved one’s final tribute and create an event that is truly special and meaningful.

Older man playing a violin

 First, Why Does Personalization Matter?

“I encourage you to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on what is really important—what is essential—about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honor that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over, families tell me that the best funerals are those that are personalized.”  – Dr. Alan Wolfelt

In a world focused on efficiency and getting things done as quickly as possible, the funeral is a moment to slow down and be thoughtful. When we do things too quickly, they can sometimes feel impersonal and hollow. That’s why personalization is key!

A personalized service beautifully and lovingly honors life. It creates a sweet moment of remembrance, a time to say goodbye, a unique acknowledgement that a person’s life mattered in all the big and small ways. Now, let’s talk about music and its vital role in personalizing a funeral or memorial service!

Banjo laying on top of sheet music

How to Personalize Music at a Funeral

Music sets the tone of a funeral or memorial service and brings emotions to the forefront. In fact, one of the purposes of a funeral is to allow mourners to grieve together, and in many ways, music says what words cannot. We often shy away from our emotions, but don’t be afraid to invite people to express their grief. Consider using music as an avenue to bring out what people are thinking and feeling. Plus, you can add a deeply personal touch by selecting music that was dear to the person who has died.  

1. Choose songs that are meaningful, no matter their musical genre

Traditionally, hymns and other religious songs are often played at a funeral, but that doesn’t have to be the case. To add a personal touch, instead choose songs that are meaningful to you or to the loved one who has died. Did they love Fleetwood Mac? Play “Gypsy.” Did they always sing “You are My Sunshine” to the grandkids? Then, find your favorite version and play it. There’s no right or wrong genre of music for a funeral. There’s simply what is meaningful to you and your family.

2. Decide between live music or recorded music

For the grieving process, there’s no difference between going with live or recorded music, so it’s entirely up to your preference. Was your loved one part of a barbershop quartet? Ask their fellow quartet members to sing a number. Do you have a musically talented family member? Then you might consider asking them to perform live. Alternatively, you can create a digital playlist of songs that will play during the gathering or visitation. And if you want to do a mix of live and recorded music, go for it! The funeral director will help you coordinate all the fine details of the service.

Person holding a smartphone that displays a digital music playlist

3. Include songs that honor personal or religious beliefs

As you plan a funeral or memorial service, you should keep your loved one’s preferences at the front of your mind. If they were a religious person, consider including hymns or praise songs. If they were a veteran, perhaps play their military branch’s official song, such as “Anchors Aweigh” for the Navy or “The Army Goes Rolling Along” for the Army. Consider the organizations your loved one was involved with – are there any songs that would be a meaningful addition to the service?

4. Share clips of your loved one’s musical talents

If your loved one was musically talented themselves, consider finding a way to include their musical giftings at the service. Do you have recordings of them singing or playing an instrument? Incorporate that footage into a memorial tribute video. Alternatively, you can play any recordings during the service or visitation. Did they write lyrics or put together musical arrangements? Play those songs. If you aren’t sure how to include a loved one’s musical stylings at the service, speak with your funeral director. They can help you brainstorm ideas.

Woman in church choir singing a solo

Questions to Help You Brainstorm

If songs haven’t already started popping into your head, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm which songs to include at a service.

  • Did your loved one play any songs over and over again?
  • Did they have any favorite artists?
  • Were they known for singing any particular songs?
  • Did they have a favorite instrument?
  • Did they have a preferred music genre (classical, rock, Motown, etc.)?
  • Is there a song that always reminds you of them?

Hopefully, these questions will trigger some ideas for you and give you a good starting place for selecting music that will not only personalize the funeral but add special meaning as well. And again, if you are stumped, look to your funeral director. They are your advocate and guide throughout the funeral planning process. They can provide much-needed assistance when you just aren’t sure what to do next.

Music sheets folded into half circles

For additional inspiration, here are more articles on music that may help:

Jan 02
Love0
group of people placing white roses on a casket

The Simple Guide to Funeral Etiquette

By Educational, Meaningful Funerals No Comments

A funeral is an emotional time for a lost loved one’s family and friends. If you have been invited to attend a funeral, it is helpful to know proper funeral etiquette. Keep in mind that as culture has evolved, so have funerals and funeral etiquette. Traditional services are at times being replaced by more informal celebrations of life. So when no two services are identical, how do you know what etiquette is expected?

Read More
Dec 19
Love0
1970s music on a casette tape

9 Songs from the 1970s for a Celebration of Life

By Meaningful Funerals, Music

Music is powerful – it can help us express our emotions and open us up to feelings we’re avoiding. That’s why choosing the right songs for a funeral can make such a big impact on the service. Picking personalized music can help create a healing experience for you and your family.

1970s music on a casette tape

Choosing your loved one’s favorite songs can be a great start, but you can also consider music from the decade they were born in – or a decade of music that they always enjoyed listening to. If you’re looking for music from the 1970s to incorporate into your loved one’s funeral or celebration of life, here are 9 songs you can try.

Bridge Over Troubled Water (Simon & Garfunkel, 1970)

When tears are in your eyes
I’ll dry them all
I’m on your side

When you lose a loved one, you may feel like you are alone. But funerals remind us that others are grieving the loss just like we are. “Bridge Over Troubled Water” highlights how we can find comfort in each other during difficult times. At a funeral or memorial service, this song could serve as a heartfelt reminder to help each other through the difficult days ahead.

Farewell My Friend (Dennis Wilson, 1977)

You take the high road
And I’ll take the low road
And we’ll meet again

Saying goodbye to someone you love is hard. In “Farewell My Friend,” Dennis Wilson captures the idea of saying farewell to someone you care about. But this song isn’t just about saying goodbye. It’s also about embracing hope for the future and believing that you will someday see your loved one again, which would make it a hopeful addition to a funeral or celebration of life.

Take Me Home, Country Roads (John Denver, 1971)

I hear her voice in the mornin’ hour, she calls me
The radio reminds me of my home far away

A song full of nostalgia and longing, “Take Me Home, Country Roads” is a classic for a reason. These heartfelt lyrics speak about the desire to be with a loved one who is far away. At a funeral or memorial service, this song can capture the longing you feel to see that person you love, especially if they were someone you called “home.”

Lean On Me (Bill Withers, 1972)

Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow

After the death of a loved one, you need the support of friends and family members. “Lean On Me” encourages us to lean on each other for support during difficult times. Plus, this song reminds us that there is hope to be found on the other side of grief and pain. Life will get better, and you can trust that there are times of hope and joy to come.

I Will Always Love You (Dolly Parton, 1974)

Bittersweet memories
That’s all I am taking with me

When you lose someone you love, they’re still a part of your life through your memories. This classic song beautifully captures how love continues even when someone is no longer a part of your life. While looking back on your time with your loved one may hurt right now, this song can remind you that you feel grief because you loved them so much.

Let It Be (The Beatles, 1970)

And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow, let it be

A song about finding comfort during dark times, “Let It Be” reminds the grieving that there is hope on the other side of grief. While you may be tempted to run from your emotions, embracing your feelings and allowing yourself to feel sad or angry is an important part of the grieving process. In a way, this classic Beatles song can help everyone remember that it’s okay to let yourself feel those negative emotions.

Going Home (Annie Haslam, 1977)

Work all done, care laid by
Going to fear no more

A solemn song with surprisingly hopeful lyrics, “Going Home” speaks about reuniting with loved ones after death. While death can be a scary topic for many people, this song suggests that peace can be found in a life well-lived and that death provides a release from pain. If you’re looking for the hope of reuniting with your loved one, this song could make a great addition to a service or a memorial slideshow.

For a Dancer (Jackson Browne, 1974)

And somewhere between the time you arrive
And the time you go
May lie a reason you were alive
That you’ll never know

“For a Dancer” tells a beautiful story about the way people’s lives touch each other. Even though your loved one is gone physically, they live on in your memory and in the impact they made on their family and friends. This song is a reminder that you can find meaning in the positive impact you make in other people’s lives, which can give you hope for the future.

Bright Eyes (Art Garfunkel, 1978)

There’s a high wind in the trees
A cold sound in the air
And nobody ever knows when you go

After someone you love dies, you may ask yourself deep questions about life as you search for meaning. “Bright Eyes” captures the way you can feel lost after the death of a loved one. As you and your family mourn the loss, this song can be a reminder that it’s okay to ask questions and search for meaning.

Songs from other decades

Other musical options for a meaningful funeral

Skip to content